July 19 2016

Statement of Fact
By Brenda Everall

1. I am beyond frustrated with the opposition and disrespect that I am receiving from
particular family members, specifically Grandma, Aunt Brenda & Uncle Ed.

2. It seems that Aunt Brenda has secret conversations with Grandma and Grandpa
respectively and that those conversations are what I perceive to be attempts to
alienate me and/or the rest of my family (My Dad's immediate family).

3. I don't understand why there has to be secrets in a loving and respectful family.

4. Aunt Brenda seems to have a control problem. Every time someone from my family is
getting close to Grandma and/or Grandpa Aunt Brenda starts playing games.

5. Aunt Brenda says she wants this family to work but then she directly sabotages any
efforts and progress.

6. Aunt Brenda seems to be telling people that Grandma has dementia. I do not think that
Grandma has dementia, but I do think she is a victim of Aunt Brenda's Psychological
manipulation. Aunt Brenda says that she is upset that Dr. Connell will not start treating
Grandma for dementia. The way Aunt Brenda pushes her own diagnosis of Grandma
onto others concerns me, especially where Aunt Brenda can't be honest with Grandma
and tell her to her face about the concerns that she so willingly shares with others.

7. Aunt Brenda has always threatened to cut particular people out of the will if they do not
do as she wishes.

8. Aunt Brenda constantly threatens that my dad will not get the house that he has always
been promised if she can help it. Aunt Brenda was given a house by Grandma and
Grandpa but she does not think it fair that her brother receive what he was promised
when Grandma and Grandpa's estate settles.

9. I am so sick of doing my very best to help Grandma and Grandpa only to be painted as
the bad guy. I've had enough of it. I don't do anything to deserve the treatment that I
get from my Grandmother or the Sokolowsky's.

10. If we could all work together we could help Grandpa. We could immediately improve
his quality of life but instead it's a whole bunch of talking behind my back and setting
up services for Grandma and Grandpa that aren't necessary and that complicate their
lives.

11. Every time I ask a service provider who is pushing for their services, they consistently
tell me that it is Aunt Brenda. Aunt Brenda knows that Grandma and Grandpa have
both asked to have services reduced and that I am available to help wherever needed
on a consistent basis but she still seems to push for unnecessary services and then
pretends as though she doesn't know what's going on when the discussion is brought
up in front of her parents.
12. Aunt Brenda is attempting to appear innocent while attempting to alienate me away
from caring from Grandpa. She is cold and randomly mean to me, although she smiles
and pretends to be nice in front of Grandma and Grandpa. She treats me like dirt in
private and then treats me kind, for the most part, in front of others. This is how I know
she is playing games. I'm not shutting up anymore. The woman acts as though she's
mentally ill...specifically suffering from narcissism and/or psychopathy and I'm not even
exaggerating one little bit!

13. Aunt Brenda makes it appear as though my dad doesn't want to be in the lives of his
parents. This isn't true. I know for a fact, as I've witnessed it with my own eyes, that
anytime dad gets close to his family again Aunt Brenda gets jealous and starts a
campaign to make my dad look like a bad guy. The fact is that my dad has not done a
damn thing to warrant her cruel behaviour and it's time that we lay these cards on the
table.

14. My dad loves his parents but in my opinion, a lot of damage has occurred while aunt
Brenda manipulated the opinions of her parents of her brother and his family while
actively alienating us and making it look like we don't want to be a part of the family or
that we are bad people. We don't deserve this.

15. Aunt Brenda seems to pick times to visit or to talk with Grandma and/or Grandpa that
interfere with the routine I have working in their home.

16. The PSW's and nurses have no issue with the care I give to Grandma and Grandpa
and they approve of the changes being made to Grandpa's diet. I communicate well
with the service providers, though I can sometimes sense that Aunt Brenda has told
them not to tell me something or that the PSW is running back to give Aunt Brenda
updates about what I do at Grandmas, whatever it may be.

17. There's just too many secrets and not enough stuff being talked about up front when it
comes to making arrangements for Grandma and Grandpa's care.

18. Aunt Brenda arranged a CCAC meeting and told me it was to arrange for better
services because grandma, grandma, me and the nurses have requested reduced
services, but when I walked in on the meeting it seemed more to me like a meeting to
prepare grandpa for death.

19. Grandpa isn't dead yet and doesn't have to be anytime soon. Why is family insisting
that he prepare for death instead of encourage and support him to live. It also seemed
to me that it was perhaps an arrangement that Jennifer be present at this meeting. I felt
as though people were being sneaky.

20. Aunt Brenda goes on about being so positive yet I only see negativity. Negative
manipulation.

21. I don't want to fight with anyone. I've made leaps and bounds to repair myself and my
life after being away from Aunt Brenda's abuse for so long, and it stresses me out to
deal with her and to have my vibrations lowered every single time. I'm afraid this sort of
 stress will affect my health as it has done historically and I therefore wish to limit one
on one conversations with her or uncle Ed as a result. Uncle Ed really upset me the
other day when he brought conflict into Grandma and Grandpa's house over trivial
matters and then began to order me around while talking down to me. I deserve and
demand respect especially where I myself make the effort to be polite and respectful
despite the prevailing issues.

22. I don't understand why my dad, my mom or the rest of us are alienated away from any
sort of family coordination. Grandma and Grandma only have two kids. Both kids
should have all rights to their care and overall general lives and all that goes with it. We
should be able to arrange doctors appointments and we should be able to know much
more than we do.

23. Grandpa wants to try to heal with natural living. This thought seems to scare some
members of the family but I believe it is worth trying and I will support my grandfather
to the very end of his days. Back off in this regard, do some research and seriously get
a grip. We allowed doctors to inject poison into him to try to cure his cancer but Aunt
Brenda's afraid of vitamin C, ginger, flax, etc.? If you love someone enough you'll do
ANYTHING to cure them, not order them a hospital bed and tell them their time is up.
Seriously! If we could simply talk about things and get on the same page there wouldn't
be so much unnecessary fear about natural remedies. Not working together is wasting
precious time and thwarting any real chance we have at fighting the cancer. It is
possible with faith, love and devotion but the time is being wasted on resisting my
efforts as opposed to supporting them.

24. It is the goal of my family to minimize the upsets for Grandma and Grandpa and to
keep their life as stable and relaxed as possible. We would like to visit Grandma and
Grandpa just as Aunt Brenda's family does and we would like to be able to coordinate
the family visits so they are less random and less taxing on Grandma and Grandpa
respectively. When Aunt Brenda knows that particular family members are visiting she
should have the common courtesy to not show up or to call repeatedly during those
visits and to allow other family members to visit undisturbed, just as my family
respectfully allows when Aunt Brenda's family is visiting.

25. Just today Grandpa told me that he was afraid that I would leave him because of all of
the conflict and stress. I promised papa that I would keep the conflict away from him
the best that I can and that I will never leave him as long as he wants me around.
Grandpa believes in me and trusts me to help him. It's a shame that some family
members won't support this.

26. Aunt Brenda and Uncle Ed make a point of thanking me for my efforts sometimes in
front of Grandma and Grandpa but usually they are pointing out something that wasn't
done right or something that I could've done better. I don't feel supported and I feel that
I will be exploited if I make an error or do something that Aunt Brenda doesn't agree
with.

27. I am trying my best. I've set my own life and summer goals aside to take care of
grandma and grandpa at their request. Grandma asked me to come help her take care
of papa but now she is beginning to alienate me. It seems she is forcing me out of the
 house due to her own issues of jealousy and resentment and instead of holding
grandma to account she enables this sort of crap to add fuel to the fire. It just
generates confusion and resentment on grandmas part and then she alienates me
right away from grandpa with aunt Brenda's support. It's such a redundant cycle really.

28. I'm not allowed to do laundry at grandma's, not allowed to shower, not allowed to drive
their car. I was always allowed to use these things & now grandma refuses them to me.
Why? Where is my support? I don't owe them money, I take care of them, I buy
groceries, and yet I'm treated like the worlds biggest loser. It's so sick and sad! I want
support and I deserve it!

29. When Grandpa came home from hospital he needed stronger pain meds than tylenol
3. Because of professional incompetency he did not get them, in fact, still does not
have them but they are still coming. Why does papa have to take pain meds if the pain
that called for them has ceased or is ceasing. Sometimes grandma doesn't want to
take her night meds if she feels unstable. She is told to take them regardless.
Grandma tries to walk around the kitchen without her walker to keep her strength up.
Grandpa and I are there when she attempts to do this and yet aunt Brenda and uncle
Eddie will come and remove her from the kitchen immediately, ask her where her
walker is and sit her down. It's as though grandma and grandpa aren't allowed to have
opinions. We need to have discussions, not just be told what to do because a doctor or
a strongly opinionated person arbitrarily says so. We need to enable Grandma and
Grandpa not disable them where ever possible and I'm sick of aunt Brenda making it
appear as though grandma is at risk in my care if she doesn't have her walker
immediately beside her. Grandma is strong willed and I do my best to keep the balance
between her safety and her happiness/independence.

30. The nurse, Grandma, Grandpa and myself have all insisted that no service providers
attend the home until after 11am. Because of poor communication, aunt Brenda lines
services up for before 11am and then becomes offended when told about arrangement
that she is seemingly unaware of. A solid routine is important for grandma and
grandpa. Let's pull it together already!

31. I demand, in the best interest of my Grandparents, that Aunt Brenda be held
accountable for her words and actions immediately. Enough is enough. Let's be a
family and discuss things like a family instead of going behind backs to fulfill personal
agendas.

32. Grandma, herself, begged me for help and to stay with them when papa returned
home from hospital. I dropped everything and did so. I got the house running on a
routine. I made things make sense for them. I helped them in every way to settle back
into a routine. Now that things are settling again, Grandma is treating me like I'm
invading her space and she makes me feel unwelcome. I feel that grandma is jealous
of the attention that I give to grandpa, though I give her plenty as well, and that this
jealousy gets fueled by aunt Brenda and then the alienation begins where I get tossed
out on my ass again and deemed a trouble maker. I give of myself 100% only to be
used and abused. It's not fair. It's hurtful. It's disrespectful. I do not want a hero cookie
but I do not want my efforts minimized anymore. I work hard and I give up my own life
to help my grandparents and this practice of using me while it's convenient and then
 tossing me in the trash when I'm not needed is just so mean and telling of how this
family truly operates.

33. I've had Aunt Brenda blocked on facebook now for years. I don't play games and have
people on my facebook one minute and not the next, however, many of my family
members were on Aunt Brenda's facebook just until Grandpa came home from
hospital. Then, Aunt Brenda blocked those people and this kind of nonsense needs to
be noted. Why were they blocked? What did they do? What is there to hide? Why is
this immature crap still going on?

34. It appears to me that Aunt Brenda has manipulated the situation so that she has full
control over Grandma and Grandpas affairs and that she drunk with that power. I
believe that with all of that power she should be enabling grandma, not setting her up
to appear as a dementia patient ready for an old age home and I would appreciate if
she would stop hindering my abilities to help grandmpa to regain his health through a
natural approach. What the hell is there to lose by eating healthy and taking simple
vitamins at this point anyhow? The whole notion of being scared of nature makes me
laugh honestly. Are we not to have faith in God? Then why the hell are we putting our
faith in the doctors and why the hell are so many 'believers' so damn faithless? God
gave us all that we need to heal ourselves and Jesus tells us to have faith. Govern
yourselves accordingly in this regard is all I have to say I guess, or risk being a total
hypocrite!

35. Yes, the tone of this tone is probably one of extreme frustration. I've been respectful
while saying difficult things but I won't sugar coat it anymore. We have a problem
Houston. And I think that problem is jealousy and control. It's time to make sense of
why our family is the way that it is and it is time for honesty and accountability from
everyone who claims to be family. Please understand that I've been dealing with the
effects of Aunt Brenda's psychological abuse since I was a child, and as I progress in
healing from such I've identified so many historical problems that have been generated
by her and her manipulation and I can see so clearly in hindsight. I honestly have been
abused by her and I can see how she goes on to abuse others. It is so out of control in
my opinion and will never get better until someone calls her out on her bullshit. She's
manipulated everyone in my family and whenever we try to tell any truth about her she
discredits us to family, friends, and the community in general. It's so horrible. The
slander and alienation have taken such a toll that it can no longer be minimized or
ignored any longer. I've refused to deal with historically because I just wanted her to
leave me alone, but the woman never stops..she's always creating problems
somewhere for someone and then appearing as though she is the victim. I love her
very much but the effects of what I perceive to be her mental illness has most definitely
taken it's toll on me and I need to speak out, especially now that it affects my
Grandparents and the quality of the life that they have left.

36. Since there is so much alarm about the changes in Grandma and Grandpa's diet and
natural supplements, I propose that we access the services of a dietitian. This way we
can all be on the same page and make the necessary changes to get Grandma and
Grandpa living a healthier lifestyle. Ice cream, chips, pop, etc. are all factors that
contribute to poor health. Why don't we want to work together to change this asap? I
insist on the services of a dietitian if we can't get on the same page quickly. We should
 be able to access dietary services through CCAC, the family medical health team, the
cancer clinic, etc.

37. Today, because of Grandma being uptight I decided to stay away as much as possible
and to give her some space though I continuously went down to check on Grandpa. I
saw Aunt Brenda down there this afternoon so I did not bother going down. When I did
finally stop out at 4:20 to begin the dinner preparations I found the house locked and
aunt brenda's vehicle had been moved but grandma and grandpas car was gone. I am
only left to assume that aunt brenda took them somewhere and had so little respect for
me that she couldn't let me know what was up.

38. I am sending a list of items to be approved by the doctor in Kingston that evaluates
Grandpa's health on Wednesday. I expect cooperation with reviewing the list and I
honestly expect to know full details about any important things the doctor has to say in
this regard, and I wish to further have reasons and rationales for denying any particular
food or supplement. I told Grandpa that I was willing to find a ride and meet him at his
appointment on Wednesday and he cried and told me not to bother. He said that he
knows that it will cause a fight and that he cannot handle that right now. I told him that I
will find a way to not only keep the conflict away from him but that I would also
continue advocating for his rights, wishes and needs the best I can in the meantime.
He told me that I am a smart girl and that he knows I will find a way. When I suggest to
Grandpa that we back off from trying the natural approach he begs me not to give up
on him or the approach. I'm doing the best I can in this regard while trying not to 'ruffle
feathers'. I told Grandpa that 'I'm ready when he's ready', and in front of Gavin,
Grandpa told me that he is not ready and that he wants us to help him fight.

39. When I get Grandpa through a bad spell he tells me that it is obvious to him that I know
what I am talking about and that I have a good understanding of his condition. Because
of this, he trusts me. I feel that for jealous reasons, Grandma and Aunt Brenda are
attempting to add stress on Grandpa by trying to alienate me from him. This practice,
should it be actually happening, is despicable and down right malicious and I won't
tolerate it any longer!

40. Grandpa's anxiety seems to heighten when I am gone from his home for a long period
of time. I am able to walk him through his issues and to restore him to a state of
calmness which is a main and central problem with getting his health issues under
control. I don't feel welcome by Grandma any longer. It's becoming a problem. I would
love to be able to talk to Grandpa's health care providers, however, I don't have access
or rights to do so. Does this sound like a cooperative family to you?

41. I'm not trying to take credit for anything. I'm simply the person that is available to help
Grandpa at this time round the clock. I would expect that a family would be far more
grateful for what I do and that they would attempt to help me instead of oppose me. In
the last two days, Grandma has treated me like dirt and it's just not fair. Someone is
turning her against me. Grandma is very mean and bitter, not only to me, but to
Grandpa as well. She tells him to shut up and tells him how horrible he looks and is
always on his case. When Grandpa finally snaps back at her she pouts and calls Aunt
Brenda. I am a fair referee and I can tell you at this time that Grandma is being
enabled to act like a spoiled brat because of all of this family fighting and
 miscommunication.

42. I have seen many successes that I am very proud of where Grandpa's health is
concerned. When I have him in a routine and the stress is away from him he is having
regular bowel movements and steady breathing which is half of our battle. He has
energy and wants to be outside where possible. The man has made leaps and bounds
and instead of celebrating his progress we're still lining him up to die. I don't get it!
Where is the faith? With a family that pulls together and actually cares enough to look
up something as simple as spirulina with an open mind they'd see that the battle can
be far from over if we actually try. Sometimes it seems to me as though Aunt Brenda
does not want to try anything that could help Grandpa and that she simply remains
focused on proving that this is in fact the end. Grandpa conquered pneumonia in the
late stages of cancer for goodness sake... anything is therefore possible now, in my
mind at least. We can't do it by opposing one another. I want us to work together and to
offer him healthy options. Even if it doesn't work in the long run, what could we possibly
have to lose by trying now? Really!

43. I've made Grandma and Grandpa both aware that I am creating an online forum for
family discussion. They do not oppose the idea in the least.

44. It can be better than this. We can get a long if we want to. We can do what's best for
one another. We can share the stage, even though most of us don't want it. We can
have a loving family. No one seems to stand in the way of this quest but Aunt Brenda.
Every single damn time.

45. Please feel free to respond freely and honestly if you wish to. It's time to have some
dialogue. I understand that my opinion may be offensive to some at first, however, I
urge you to digest and reflect upon my words with an open mind and and open heart
before responding. I am only interested in truth, honesty, peace, love and forgiveness
at this point in my life. I welcome you in if you are on the same page but I boldly reject
you otherwise.

46. All we need is love!