Meditations on the Sanctuary of Film,

or How I Found Refuge in the Cinematic Universe

A letter to a teacher, mentor, and friend

WHAT A GORGEOUS THING FOR ME TO READ, ALREADY. THANK YOU, YEON.

 March 8, 2016

Dear Ms. E,

Earlier in the quarter I had mentioned that taking this seminar was a remarkable case of

synchronicity in my life. This holds true, perhaps with more clarity, now that the quarter has

approached its end. Before I begin to explain, I want to first mention that Ive often contemplated

the idea of meaningful coincidences (before I understood it as a philosophical concept) as Ive

held the conviction that there was always something more. SEARCHING PEOPLE

UNDERSTAND, AT MANY LEVELS, THAT THIS IS TRUE. Too often I encounter the

frustration of being unable to classify distinguishable, but unnamed feelings, thoughts and mental

events, leaving me perpetually occupied with metaphysical speculation of these imperceptibles.

As a result, articulating my thoughts and solidifying half-formed notions competently pose a day-

to-day challenge (so you can imagine my excitement when you brought up the concept of

synchronicity in discussion). When the general lexicon proves inadequate and words fall short,

how do we identify these abstract entities and define the incomprehensible? ONE OF MY

GOALS IS TO INCREASE OUR LEXICON ABOUT THE UNKNOWABLE. The subject of

the enteric nervous system, or our second brain comes to mind. I conjecture the existence of

some concepts that are far too complex for the human mind to fully comprehend, and thus our

intuition steps in to surmount the limitations of our cognitive abilities 1 . IM CURRENTLY

TRYING TO UNDERSTAND QUANTUM PHYSICS - WHICH DESCRIBES A WORLD

BEYOND OUR SENSES. In describing ineffability, or the very concept of the existence of ideas

1
On the other hand, I also believe that our mental capacity is boundless. Again, I am constantly
caught in a series of paradoxes PARADOXES BELONG TO LEFT BRAIN, NOT RIGHT
BRAIN, THINKING
(e.g. perception, love, death, musical experience, etc.) that cannot possibly be expressed in spoken

words, the following quotes appear pertinent:

"My life, the most truthful one, is unrecognizable, extremely interior, and there is no single word that
gives it meaning." Clarice Lispector MY SON IN LAW, A POET, GAVE ME HER STORIES FOR
CHRISTMAS

"One no longer loves one's insight enough when one communicates it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
(I find this one particularly interesting, maybe some things are ineffable for a purpose?) VERY
POSSIBLY SO, BUT I DISAGREE WITH NIETZSCHE.

and more amusing:

"The results of philosophy are the uncovering...of bumps that the intellect has got by running its head up
against the limits of language." Ludwig Wittgenstein WONDERFUL

"Philosophical problems arise when language goes on a holiday" Ludwig Wittgenstein GOD, I
NEVER LET MY WORDS / THOUGHTS GO ON HOLIDAY

Now I return to the subject matter at hand: the synchronous link between your Spiritual

Dying seminar and this pivotal point in my collegiate career. It seemed only natural for me to have

chosen your seminar, being that Death is something I have contemplated repeatedly in my

introspections. Both the description and the list of films instantly piqued my interest, and I can say

with absolute confidence that I was not disappointed (in fact, the seminar exceeded all

expectations). I can write page after page elaborating on this particular synchronicity, but for the

sake of brevity, I will divulge only the imperative details. Namely, as is the case for most, adjusting

to a college environment coerced maturation and expedited the growth into adulthood; however,

overcoming some of the challenges in this transitional phase empowered me to gain as much as I

did from the films. WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY, THE TEACHER APPEARS IS

AN EASTERN SAYING. FILMS HAVE BEEN MY TEACHERS, ALSO Growing up in a

home environment rooted in traditional attitudes and Eastern values nurtured in me a detrimental

habit of internalizing everything. AND IT WAS MORE THAN THAT, YEON: IT WAS YOUR

NATURE. SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN AS SEARCHERS. It wasnt after I had started school
here in Davis, that I decided to seek help. In the tumultuous months that ensued, I wrestled with

depression and anxiety issues I was aware that countless others faced, but had made no difference

to me at the time. In a way, enduring this pain and suffering was a form of spiritual death in my

own life. OF COURSE, OF COURSE. MY SISTER (A SOULMATE) LEFT ME THE

FOLLOWING MESSAGE ON MY PHONE, SOMETHING SHED JUST HEARD:

DONT LET YOUR SUFFERING GO TO WASTE. The assertion that I am not the same

person I was last year, nor the one I was a few months ago, is irrefutable. As you have mentioned

on multiple occasions, our perception of our environment is merely a projection of our biases and

experiences to the external world. Without having endured these personal hardships, I would not

have been able to identify so strongly with many of the topics the films dealt with: isolation,

identity, change, and redemption, to name a few. EXACTLY SO. More impactful was the way in

which these films portrayed the processes of transformation, metamorphosis and rebirth as intrinsic

to being human. INDEED BUT AS THE POET T S ELIOT WROTE, ALL TOO OFTEN

WE HAD THE EXPERIENCE BUT MISSED THE MEANING. During the more severe

relapses in the past, film and music became my only solace from paralyzing isolation and

loneliness, as it was the only agency I found for growth. I CANNOT CONVEY ADEQUATELY

THAT IT IS PRECISELY THESE EXPERIENCES THAT TILL THE SOIL FOR OUR

SPIRITUAL GROWTH. By drawing connections, empathizing with characters, and finding

parallels to my own life from these films, I found comfort in knowing that my experiences and

suffering were not unique. WE TURN TO ART FOR TRUTH AND COMPANIONSHIP. This

humbling realization became instrumental to becoming a more self-aware and conscientious

individual. Regardless of the state of my mental or emotional wellbeing, the pedagogic (and often

instructive) nature of movies continues to enrich and expand my mind. This quarter, as well as the
past few years have been an epoch of personal growth and self-discovery, with the seminar being

a crucial component. HOW WONDERFUL !

Now that I have had ample time to reflect over the past ten weeks, Ive come to recognize

the invaluable assets Ive gained from taking this seminar. Notably, Ive become comfortable with

openly disputing the truth, validity, or honesty of a statement. NOTHING IS MORE

IMPORTANT THAN THIS. Ive shed the doubt that once suppressed the earnest questions Ive

wanted to ask. Each film and the discourse that followed offered spiritual enrichment, cultural

engagement2 and a communal experience an impressive repertory of rewards offered within such

a short period of time. Furthermore, I learned to refine the way in which I view the movie, by

paying scrupulous attention to small details, being patient and open-minded, taking upon multiple

viewings, and to view not what the film is, but what the film stands for and the messages it may

convey. JUST AS WE NEED TO RESPOND TO WHAT WE, AND OTHERS, SAY AND

DO. Our discussions were conducive to a constructive exchange of ideas and perspectives, which

provided not only critical insights, but helped to foster a holistic WONDERFUL WORD!! IM

A HOLISTIC MEDICINE ADHERENT approach to film analysis. Without the engagement

and equal participation of everyone in the class, paving the path towards seeing the bigger picture

would not have been possible. While gaining confidence in my own convictions, partaking in the

debate among my peers allowed my skepticism to evolve into tolerance of differing viewpoints.

2
Most of the films exposed us to non-western, non-American cultures, which I found to be
refreshing and necessary. Subsequently, I have been motivated to veer away from western
philosophy and thinking, and instead, explore Eastern philosophies such as Daoism and
Buddhism, as well as schools of thought that emphasize spirituality, balance and harmony.
THEY HAVE MUCH TO OFFER. I RECOMMEND WRITING BY STEPHEN BACHELOR, HIS
BOOKS L IVING WITH THE DEVIL AND C ONFESSIONS OF A BUDDHIST AGNOSTIC.
And lastly (but certainly not least), the aggregate of all this reinforced my love for film. All in all,

taking your seminar was integral to the development of my constantly evolving mentality, in

addition to facilitating my spiritual growth. IM HONORED

Every so often, I am fortunate enough to recognize, in the very moment of its occurrence

(an apt example being my connection with Harold and Maude), when a person, film, song, or

experience holds an inexplicable, but undeniable personal significance. I, TOO, KNOW THIS

FEELING: THAT SOMEONE ELSE AS TOLD MY STORY IN AN UNCANNY WAY.

These rare moments of hyperawareness have been hugely beneficial in enabling me to

acknowledge these meaningful coincidences, but more importantly, allowing me to appreciate

it while I have the opportunity to. Oscar Wilde says Death is the mother of beauty. Only the

perishable can be beautiful, which is why we are unmoved by artificial flowers. WAIT TILL

YOU SEE MY GARDEN IN BLOOM. YOU CAN VISIT ME AGAIN LATER ON. I believe he

was trying to convey the idea that while Death conceals all traces of our intimate feelings, it also

inspires them. YES AND YOULL COME TO SEE OTHER LEVELS OF MEANING IN

THIS STATEMENT. Without Deaths impending presence, individuals would neither recognize

nor revel in the art and beauties of life. And so our own impermanence drives our will and desire

toward creation. Without this awareness, and if we believed we had all the time in the world, no

one would strive to do anything at all. Change compels us to act.

So Ms. E, many thanks are due.

I want to express my infinite gratitude towards your faith in my spiritual journey and the

wisdom youve imparted to me. You have modeled for me such wonderful qualities that I strive

to adopt, particularly your authenticity, zeal, and undiminished spirit. Young people, especially

college students, are often unfairly awarded with the epithet nave and narcissistic, but with
tremendous sincerity, you have shown a remarkable confidence in the youth, which I find to be

uplifting and reassuring. LUCKILY, IVE ALWAYS BEEN DRAWN TO THE YOUNG.

AND I REALIZED RECENTL Y THA T WHEN I TEACH, I REACH UNREACHED

RACHEL. WHAT I DO FOR MY STUDENTS (ESPECIALLY THE MOST

BRILLIANT AND THOUGHTFUL AND OUTSIDER ONES, LIKE YOU) I DO ALSO

FOR MYSELF NOW AND FOR MY YOUNGER, PAINFULLY LOST, SELF. The

enthusiasm and passion you radiantly exhibited every week has made attending these seminars

such a joy this quarter. Even more, your interest in pursuing dialogue with me has been an honor

and privilege. And from these riveting, penetrating conversations, youve given me the courage

to challenge undisputed claims, attempt to conceive the inconceivable, veer from the norm, and

venture into the unknown. Because isnt life but a great adventure? The only difference I see

now, after all that I gained form this seminar, is that death is just a secondary part, or an

extension, of this adventure. YOU WILL LOVE THIS PODCAST:

http://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2015/01/29/382381434/fresh-air-for-january-29-2015

With your guidance Ive learned to direct my focus onto the important matters by seeking

authenticity and muting the peripheral noise SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO AT ALL

TIMES, which in turn have instilled in me a more enlightened and sophisticated frame of mind.

The certitude in your ideologies and your teachings have encouraged me to define and apply my

own set of principles. I earnestly hope you that you see how extraordinary your impact in my life

has been. I BELIEVE I CAN SEE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THIS :) And most of all (if youll

pardon the clich) thank you for showing me the importance of being true to oneself.

With warm regards,

Yeon
JUNG UNDERSTOOD THAT ALCHEMY HAD TWO LEVELS: THE OUTER ONE BASED
IN THE CONTEXT OF METALS, AND THE INNER ONE, WHEREIN THE
TRANSFORMATION OF BASER METALS INTO GOLD REFERRED TO
PSYCHOLOGICAL / SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION.

http://sbpa.org.br/portal/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/volume-12.pdf

ONE DAY, YOU WILL LOVE HIS AUTO BIO: MEMORIES, DREAMS AND REFLECTIONS

GOOGLE JUNG BOLLINGEN

Dear Yeon - I was both emotionally moved and intellectually inspired to read this. Im going to
print it and put it in my files, to refer to during the times that self-doubt once again pierces me.
Love, Ms E