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Develop awareness of own emotional triggers and use this awareness to enable control emotional
responses .................................................................................................................................... 18
Emotional triggers..................................................................................................................... 18
Use self-reflection and feedback from others to improve development of own emotional intelligence
.................................................................................................................................................... 25
2. Recognise and appreciate the emotional strengths and weaknesses of others ............................. 28
Respond to the emotional states of co-workers and assess emotional cues .................................. 29
Identify the range of cultural expressions of emotions and respond appropriately ......................... 31
Take into account the emotions of others when making decisions ................................................ 37
Provide opportunities for others to express their thoughts and feelings ......................................... 41
Assist others to understand the effect of their behaviour and emotions on others in the workplace 44
Encourage others to develop their own emotional intelligence to build productive relationships and
maximise workplace outcomes ..................................................................................................... 48
Irrespective of the position you have in the organisational hierarchy you need to be able to have an
understanding of how your own emotions affect those around you. Whether as a junior team member
or a senior management staffer, you need to have adequate emotional intelligence and self-
awareness to understand the impact of your emotions on the workplace and take steps to control your
emotions.
Identify personal stressors and own emotional states related to the workplace
Develop awareness of own emotional triggers and use this awareness to enable control
emotional responses
Use self-reflection and feedback from others to improve development of own emotional
intelligence
Emotional intelligence is increasingly being considered as one of the most important considerations in
team formation and organisational management. This is because emotional intelligence provides a
basis which can be used to better understand a number of aspects that can have a bearing on
individual, team and overall organisational performance. These aspects range from personal
attributes such as individual behaviour, styles and attitude to management style, outlook and
behaviour to the overall culture prevalent in the organisation. Due to these reasons, emotional
intelligence has gained as important role in various organisational functions such as recruitment,
performance appraisal, team development, organisational structure, professional development etc.
Emotional intelligence is often defined as a subset of social intelligence and is also described as such
in Howard Gardeners work on social intelligence. In their original 1990 book Salvoy and Mayer (cited
in Golis, 2013) said that emotional intelligence involves the ability to monitor one's own and others'
feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking
and actions.
So, what is emotional intelligence in simple layman terms? In simple terms, emotional intelligence can
be described as an ability to manage emotions, both of our own and those of others around us and is
said to include three skills such as:
the ability to manage emotions of others including cheering them up or calming them down
It should also be noted that emotional intelligence is very different to the much more traditional
concept of IQ or intelligence quotient. IQ is a measure of a persons ability to effectively use reasoning
and logic. IQ is something that remains stable throughout a persons life whereas emotional
intelligence tends to be very flexible and can be increased through learning certain skills. IQ tests had
long been in vogue as a way to understand a persons intelligence levels but it was found that despite
the results of such tests a lot of people simply did not perform in the manner or to the effect that their
IQ test indicated. At the same time, it was also noted that certain people with less IQ scores than
some other people often performed better than those with higher IQ scores. Think of individuals who
are excellent performers on an academic level but are socially inept, which makes them look great on
paper due to their qualifications but they may not be able to perform as well as their qualifications
seem to suggest. This anomaly has been explained gradually since the publication of works by
Prior to publishing of Golemans 1995 book, questions were already being raised around the
effectiveness and utility of using IQ tests as a predictor of performance capability by researchers such
as David McClelland who voiced their concern at the futility of using IQ tests in determining future
success in life. Subsequent research has identified emotional intelligence as the main factor that
when used along with traditional IQ tests, works as a much better predictor of performance. Having
said that while some connection or association has been found between emotional intelligence and
IQ, in that there is research suggesting that emotional abilities help in improving cognitive functioning
(read IQ) and that they essentially remain two separate concepts that can be used together as a
predictor of performance.
Another difference to be kept in mind is that emotional intelligence and personality are two different
things. The word personality comes from the Latin word persona. This word persona refers to a mask
worn by performers in a theatre while performing, to disguise thier identities. According to the
American Psychology Association (2017) personality refers to individual differences in characteristic
patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. In other words, personality refers to an individuals overall
disposition or the diverse ways in which a person thinks, feels, acts and reacts. Also, personality has
something in common with IQ in that just like IQ, personality does not change much during the lifetime
of a person whereas emotional intelligence can be further developed.
In Daniel Golemans 1995 book on emotional intelligence he has identified five key elements. These
key elements can help an individual determine their own emotional strengths and weaknesses. The
five elements are:
1. Self-awareness Being self-aware means that you know how you feel about situations, and
events and how your own emotional state and being can affect people around you. Being
self-aware has tremendous significance in life as it gives you a lot of confidence to deal with
situations and events due to your awareness about how you feel regarding those situations
and events. Being self-aware also implies that you know what your strengths and
weaknesses are in a given situation, which in turn enables you to determine the best
possible course of action to deal with the situation. Self-awareness can be improved by
writing down your thoughts in a diary or journal and by reflecting on how you react to certain
situations and events. The writing down action gives you access to your thoughts in a
collected and organised manner. The reflection activity in turn, helps you in identifying how
Contrast this with a manager who self-regulates and takes a measured approach when things
go wrong in an effort to find the reasons behind what went wrong. This sort of a manager is
well placed to induce an objective fact-finding exercise where team members might feel
confident in coming forward with actual reasons instead of apportioning blame on other team
members. This example provided is not just about managers as this self-regulation elements
and its benefits extend to everyone and not just managers. This simple act of regulating their
impulses also ensures they seldom make emotional decisions and since self-regulation also
helps in coming across as a reasonable person, these kinds of leaders also evoke trust and
respect from their team members.
3. Motivation This element of emotional intelligence refers to the self- motivation found in
emotionally intelligent people. Motivation is what pushes an individual to try and achieve their
goals. Motivation is what keeps people keep following their dreams and be optimistic about
situations and results. Motivation is what drives an individual to improve themselves and their
life. Keeping yourself motivated can be a challenging thing at times but even in the most
adverse of circumstances one should try to motivate themselves as being motivated allows us
the clarity of thoughts that helps us to achieve our goals. Whereas wallowing in self-pity or
Motivation can be categorised in two different forms namely external or extrinsic motivation
and internal or intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is when we are encouraged by
external factors such as pay rise, perks, bonus, threat of job loss etc. Intrinsic motivation on
the other hand is the kind of motivation that comes from within us through factors such as
taking pride in our work, being productive, delivering results, being helpful, being
acknowledged or praised etc. Think about instances where you really needed to get
something done like get an audit report that said your RTO was fully compliant or achieve
something important. What did you do in that instance, what external factors further propped
you up or drove you to action, what actions did you take and what did you do to achieve that
goal, were you successful?
Conversely, also think about instances where you did not achieve full compliance in your
audit report and think whether you really made the effort to achieve it, did you feel a burning
desire inside you to make something work? On analysing both of these instances
(successful and not successful) you will get an idea about the powerful effect of motivation.
Granted there might be occasions when despite the most motivation and best of our efforts
we may not be able to achieve the results we want to achieve due to a number of factors
outside our control but without a doubt motivation remains the single most important factor
when it comes to achieving our goals and objectives. Motivation whether intrinsic or extrinsic
is very important as it gives us that extra energy, that additional drive to reach our goals. So
how can a person get motivated or increase their motivation levels or find motivation to do
something, especially when they find the situation overbearing? There are a number of ways
to achieve this:
o Using a journal Using or writing a journal is a very good way to analyse what you
have done or said as well as reflect about your thought process and purpose. The
analysis and reflection of what you have recorded can be used to determine the
changes that you need to make.
o Internal dialogue This is a very effective technique where a person has an internal
conversation with their self, especially in instances where self-doubt develops. A sort
of pep talks for self, in this conversation, the person may tell themselves about the
results that they have achieved or the experiences that they have accumulated and
the things they have achieved earlier and then tell themselves that they can do this.
o Analyse and break up the task before you This is a good approach if a person is
faced with a task that they believe they may not be able to carry out. In such a case,
the task should be broken down and then analyse the individual sub-tasks. Once this
is done the larger task itself starts appearing to be manageable and doable.
o Remain positive Look at all that you have achieved and tell yourself what you are
going to achieve and view setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. Surround
yourself with people who themselves have a positive and optimistic outlook towards
things. These people can provide motivation through their deeds and actions as well
as verbally motivate you when you need it.
o Remember your purpose Never lose sight of your purpose. Even if you receive
certain setbacks or even failures (something that happens to everyone) always try
and remember why were you pursuing that goal, why did you want to achieve what
you wanted to achieve. This line of thinking will refocus your thought patterns and
may also tell you where you went wrong.
4. Empathy Ioannidou (2008) explains that the word empathy comes from the German word
einfuhlung which was coined by psychologist Theodore Lipps and literally means in-feeling.
Though there are a number of ways in which empathy has been defined, in its simplest form
empathy can be described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of other people.
When we say put yourself in another persons shoes we are essentially saying we should
empathise with others. Yet another definition of empathy is that it is the ability to understand
and identify with the needs and viewpoints of others. While it should be remembered that
empathy does not only mean compassion, generally speaking empathy does have a positive
connotation associated with it. Empathy is a very important element of emotional intelligence
and provides the basis for formation of relationships. Daniel Goleman has defined empathy as
the foundation skill for all social competencies at work. Empathy leads to trust and trust is the
basis of all relationships.
Empathy is what allows a professional to understand the constraints faced by their co-worker.
Empathy is what allows a manager to understand the ground realities being faced by their
team members and empathy is what allows a team member to understand how a customer is
feeling. For example, you might notice that with a few days to go before the audit, the
compliance manager has become very irritable and is being short with people around them.
You need to empathise with the compliance manager and understand the stressful situations
that he or she is going through during this time. It is only by understanding and exploring what
the other person is feeling that we can truly start connecting with them on an emotional basis.
Then this connection puts the seeds of trust and gradually the formation of a solid
relationship. Think about the manager who understood while your young child was sick and
was patient with you when you had to arrive late or leave early. Think about the colleague
who stepped in to share your workload when she saw how overwhelmed you were with it. It is
Writer Name Ankit sharma Page 8 of 57 Date 10/7/2017
also important to understand that empathy is very different from sympathy. Sympathy is when
we feel sorry for the person in a difficult situation whereas empathy is when we feel what the
other person feels and so can look at the situation from a different perspective. Sympathy is
more of a fleeting emotional reaction in which we briefly express our regrets for the other
persons situation and then move on with our lives whereas in case of empathy we use our
skills to understand the other persons feelings. Showing empathy takes time and effort but it
also conveys to the other person that you really care and if you show to the other person that
you truly care then they might feel the same way for you.
Now a good question might be how does one develop empathy. Workingresources (2017)
has outlined several ways that can be used by an individual to develop empathy. These are:
o Identify and note down possible emotions that are being experienced
by the other person.
o Develop some open-ended questions that you can ask that person
the next time you meet, so that the person may have an opportunity
to openly express themselves
So, what happens when there is lack of empathy? Lack of empathy can result in a lot of
problems when working in a team. People who lack empathy may often find it difficult to
form workplace relationships. This is especially true of cross functional teams and large
diversified departments. This then carries on over in form of communication
misinterpretations, poor understanding of each others work methods,
misunderstanding of intent and conflict, all of which leads to poor performance for the
individuals concerned and starts destroying morale and the cultural fabric of the
workplace.
5. Social skills The last element that makes up emotional intelligence is social skills. Social
skills are a very broad concept that refer to how we engage with others around us both
verbally and non-verbally (tone, volume of speech, type of words spoken) and influence their
emotions. It includes a number of skills such as persuasion skills, communication skills,
conflict management skills, leadership skills, change management skills, teamwork skills,
relationship skills etc. Development of social skills can make an individual become more
charismatic. Charisma is difficult to define but generally speaking refers to accumulation of
traits that are appealing to others. Charismatic individuals come across as confident,
optimistic, interesting, interested in others, understanding, intelligent and assertive.
Find out about the other persons interests and use them in your
conversations
Show empathy
Openly acknowledge if you agree with what the other person is saying
o Workplace efficiency Good social skills enable you to get on the good side of other
people. This in turn can be very useful when you need their help with workplace
projects as they will be more inclined to help you out and be more efficient with the type
and volume of assistance they provide.
o Overall happiness If we are able to form effective workplace relationships and can
develop communication skills as well as professional networks and career prospects
then it is bound lead to higher levels of happiness for us.
We have seen the fundamentals elements or principals that underpin emotional intelligence and their
importance. We have also seen the habits and actions that can be used to develop our emotional
intelligence. Before we start using these habits and actions it is important to identify our own
emotional strengths and weaknesses so that we may have a better idea on the skills that we need to
focus on.
In the table below list your emotional strengths and weaknesses in the section headed strengths and
weaknesses and in the second column write any changes steps you would like to take to increase
your emotional intelligence with respect to that strength or weakness.
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt simply overwhelmed by all that was going on around
you and all that you had to complete or achieve? How about that uneasy feeling back in school or
university when you had your examinations the next week and you realised you simply were not
adequately prepared? Or how about that feeling when you had to make a presentation in front of
senior management? That feeling is called stress.
The Australian Psychological Society (2012) defines stress as a feeling of being overloaded, wound-
up tight, tense and worried. Stress is our bodys way of responding when faced with challenging or
Due to stress, the early humans would take the necessary action and either resolve the situation or
get away from the stressor (thing that causes stress) to a safe location and the body functions would
return to normal. This fight or flight stimulus was very handy in dealing with certain situations and
ensured the survival of mankind. Nowadays while humans are not dealing with dangerous animals on
an everyday basis (at least most of us), nevertheless the demands placed by modern workplaces do
cause the same kind of stress as that faced by the earliest humans but the fight or flight response
may not work as originally intended. For instance, in the modern workplace the fight response caused
by stress may cause us to focus on getting the task done or it may also cause us into getting into an
aggressive stance with a co-worker which may negatively impact upon our relationships in the
workplace. Similarly, the flight response may push us into moving away from the stressor but in the
modern workplace the stressor may not go away, unlike the stressor for early men, and in fact may
even escalate. Stress has been found to have been a major contributor to a number of workplace
issues such as absenteeism, poor performance and workplace conflict.
While stress can be useful in certain situation by providing you with the necessary impetus or
motivation to get into action mode in order to finish a task, stress that lasts a long time or which
overwhelms us over a prolonged period of time can be very harmful. Think of the stress caused by the
notice of an audit. That notice provides us with the necessary impetus and focus to get to the task at
hand of preparing for the audit but if this same stress continues over an extended period of time then
it can manifest itself in a number of harmful manners to our physical and psychological self. It can
cause physical harm to us as our body reacts to prolonged stress by continuously secreting hormones
that are not meant to be secreted over a lengthy period of time. The human body is not designed to
withstand stress over a long period. The secretion of these hormones over a long period causes our
body to change the way it works resulting in development of physical issues related to heart and
blood vessels and accelerating the ageing process. It can also affect an individual in psychological
way by causing depression, anxiety, irritability, aggressiveness etc. all of which can affect their social
and professional life.
There are different types of stress. The Australian Psychological Society has classified them as:
Acute stress This is the short-lived kind of stress that results from specific situations
involving unpredictability. As mentioned previously this can be good example of stress caused
by the notification of an audit and spurs us on to take necessary actions to deal with a
Episodic acute stress This stress occurs when an acute stress situation is faced by an
individual over and over again. Think of getting repeated audits by different regulators. This
type of stress can often occur during a series of stress events. An example being studying for
examinations and also being asked to take over additional shifts at work as well as being
forced to move all at the same time. This type of tress can get worsened by worrying about
things. According to the American Psychology Association (2017) it is common for people
with episodic acute stress reactions to be over aroused, short-tempered, irritable, anxious and
tense. American Psychology Association (2017) further adds that this causes people to
always be in a hurry, to be abrupt, and sometimes their irritability comes across as hostility
which causes interpersonal relationships to deteriorate rapidly when others respond with real
hostility and the workplace becomes a very stressful place for them. Type A personalities are
described to be particularly susceptible to this kind of stress due to their innate personality
traits of competitiveness, impatience, demanding and generally being short of time. Common
symptoms of episodic acute stress are persistent headaches, hypertension, heart disease,
migraines etc.
Chronic stress is in some regards the exact opposite of acute stress. Chronic stress is the
long term, non-thrilling that grinds people down. Think of working in a very unhappy,
unappreciated workplace, where the RTO owner/directors are forever on your back and
blame you when things go wrong? According to the Australian Psychological Society (2012)
chronic stress involves ongoing demands, pressures and worries that seem to go on forever,
with little hope of letting up which is very harmful to peoples health and happiness. It is
different than episodic stress in the sense that while in episodic stress individuals face the
same stressful situation again and again, there is some sort of a break and the individual can
get away from the stressor for an amount of time or it ceases to be on the mind of the person
whereas in chronic stress the stressor remains there day and night. Think about being in a
poor relationship with your partner with daily arguments and fights or about being a in a toxic
workplace where petty politics rules the day and your manager is always there to give you
grief. Those are examples of chronic stress.
The American Psychology Association has also quoted a study by Miller, LH and Smith AD
which says chronic stress comes when a person never sees a way out of a miserable
situation and is the stress of unrelenting demands and pressures for seemingly interminable
periods of time and with no hope, the individual gives up searching for solutions. Our body is
not designed to handle chronic stress. Chronic stress can cause our body to react and work in
ways that are not natural and can and often leads to health problems. Another worrying bit
about chronic stress is that people stop noticing it and accept it as a part of their lives and
stop taking any measures to stop or reduce it which further compounds the problem of
chronic stress. Symptoms of chronic stress are irritability, frequent urination, difficulty in
breathing, problems with concentrating, difficulty in sleeping, frequent fatigue feeling etc.
Stressors
Occupational
Harassment
Repetitive and boring work (checking assessment tools again and again)
Job insecurity
Unsuitable job
Timing of shifts
Personal
Raising children
Family commitments
Divorce
Marital problems
Academic pressure
While avoiding stress or escaping from it may not be possible its effect can be reduced or curtailed by
managing it. Some ways to manage stress are:
Breathing exercises One of the easiest ways to manage stress is by doing breathing
exercises. When we are under stress our breathing becomes shallow and rapid, which is a
product of our evolution and is designed to aid in our fight or flight response. A few minutes of
deep breathing also called diaphragmatic breathing effectively lowers our stress levels.
Meditation Meditation has been shown to be very effective in lowering stress levels.
Meditation helps in secretion of GABA, which is a neurotransmitter. A neurotransmitter acts
as an agent that communicates between neighbouring brain cells. The role of GABA is to
reduce the neurons that relate to the fear or anxiety emotions.
Yoga Yoga is a 5000-year-old Indian spiritual and physical discipline. It includes several
meditation exercises which aid in moderating breathing and lowering of blood pressure
Hobbies and enjoyable activities This is perhaps the easiest way to manage stress as it
links with things that we already enjoy doing and would be willingly to do as much as possible.
Doing things, we enjoy and indulging in our hobbies helps in the release of the hormone
dopamine which acts as a counter to the stress hormone cortisol and reduces our stress
levels. So next time you are feeling stressed go and do the things that you have been wanting
to do anyway but could not find time till now.
Experiencing nature Spending time in nature can help in reducing cortisol levels as well as
control blood pressure and heart rates.
Practice task
We have talked about stress, its different types and personal stressors. To better understand your
own personal stressors and how to deal with them, have a look at the practice task below.
In the table below list your personal stressors, your emotional state at the onset of these stressors
and what you are going to do to manage them.
Writer Name Ankit sharma Page 17 of 57 Date 10/7/2017
Personal stressors Emotional state Management of stressors
Emotional triggers
Emotional triggers are things that cause us to respond to certain events, actions, behaviours or
people in a particularly emotional manner. These triggers might be things that we perceive as threats
or things that make us question how we look at the other things or we may remember the losses that
we have faced when we come across these things and these triggers bring forth pleasant or
unpleasant memories. For example, a person might remind us of our childhood or a smell might
remind us of an unpleasant experience that we have had in the past. Triggers may also unearth some
suppressed emotions or memories as well as indicate our true feelings regarding a particular
situation, event or person. It is also important to know that it is quite natural to have such triggers and
everyone has some sort of triggers like these. Some examples of such triggers are:
Being alone
Being threatened
Being mocked
Being ignored
Hearing music
Familiar smells
Past trauma
In order to manage the emotional triggers, it is important to first identify them. In order to identify them
we should notice the environmental factors under which these triggers kick in. We should take note of
situations in which you reacted in a peculiar or undesired manner, the persons in whose presence the
trigger kicked in, the events that caused the trigger, your thoughts and emotions at the time etc. For
example, if you recall getting irritable around the time of an audit or if you get depressed after getting
an audit report then you need to make a note of it to identify the instances which cause such
emotional states in you. With help of such analysis we can identify the root cause that is making us
act in the undesired manner. For example you may get tensed up when a particular person comes
close to you. You should note this and then think about why you react in such a way around this
person. Once you make this identification you are far more likely to deal with your triggers in an
effective manner by being able to control your habitual response to those triggers. Lets look at this
process in a bit more detail below.
We have discussed the importance of identifying emotional triggers. So how do we manage our
emotional triggers? The management of emotional triggers can be done through a process, such as
one discussed below:
Recognise your emotional reactions at their onset The second thing to do in this process is
to recognise any physical or psychological developments linked to a particular reaction. This
may be the clenching of your fists, the dryness in your mouth, the increase in the rate of
breathing and/or blood flow to the tensing up of muscles and so on and so forth. Recognising
these physical or psychological developments gives us an early indicator of what our general
emotional state is going to be.
Record your findings once you have identified the developments that indicate onset of an
emotional reaction you need to record them in a journal for reflection and reviewing.
Find out what triggers the emotion In this step you need to analyse what was it that caused
the emotion to trigger. Was it something someone said or did, was it the sight of something or
someone, was it the smell, was it a situation that has happened earlier as well.
Make the connection and remember once you have identified the physical or psychological
changes that takes place in your body with certain, events, processes, memories or
personalities you would have made a connection between them and remember it so that you
know what is happening and why it is happening the next time.
Change the trigger You now have established the connection between the trigger and your
response. The next step is to change the trigger. Changing the trigger implies changing the
mental association we have made with that trigger up till now. For example a crowded place
might trigger the memory of an event where you were pushed and shoved. Changing the
mental association can be done in several ways. In the case of our crowded place trigger it
can be done by going into a crowded place with friends to provide you courage, safety and
confidence. This process can be repeated a number of times and with each successive
iteration the previous association of crowded place = shoving becomes weaker and gradually
replaced by crowded place = normal.
The other approach is more difficult to achieve. It involves thinking about the original
association and the experience that caused it and question the continuing validity of the
association. Chances are that due to change in personal circumstances, capabilities,
environments etc. the association might still be there but the factors that allowed the
association may no longer be there. For example the sight of a school bully might have
caused you to become fearful due to what the bully might have done. If the sight of that
Develop alternative behaviours If you are unable or unwilling to change the trigger, then
another way of changing the emotional outcome could be by how you respond to the trigger.
For example if the sight of your workplace nemesis induces teeth clenching response then
you should try and change the response from teeth clenching one to a smile. Over a period
this subtle act will also change how you react to any action by this person thereby changing
your whole emotional status pertaining to this person.
Develop a support network Sometimes when we are trying to effectively deal with a trigger it
is possible that we may need some additional help. This additional help may come from
friends and families as well as others in a formal help group. Share with them what behaviour
or response you are trying to change so they may help you in achieving it.
Seek professional help If your efforts in changing the trigger and the response you give has
not changed or not changed to an appreciable extent, it might be useful to seek professional
help such as that provided by a psychologist. There might be some deep-seated issues that
might need to be resolved and may require professional help.
Another example could be of the stressed out feeling you get when the CEO of your RTO asks you to
put specific details in all assessment tools and you get agitated. This is the trigger bit. After sitting
down to insert the specifications you feel angry, frustrated or helpless. This is the emotional reaction.
So, while we should make efforts to control the emotional triggers, we also need to take steps to
control or mange our emotions, especially if they have the potential to cause damage to our
relationships with others. Management of emotions in the workplace is especially important if you are
a leader. Being a leader means that other team members look up to you and take their cues from you
regarding what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. A leader or manager who reacts in an
emotionally inappropriate manner send out a signal that it is okay to have such a reaction or such an
attitude at work. If not checked, this might result in the other employees also gradually starting to
behave in a similar manner and pretty soon there is a huge cultural issue at hand not to mention all
the HR problems such a situation would entail.
Dont be judgemental There may be times when you dont understand why certain things
were not followed up on or why certain things were done in a certain way by your team
members. At this juncture, instead of making assumptions wait for an appropriate time to
actually discuss things with your team members.
Dont react immediately when faced with a negative situation, event or person, suspend
your reaction. The simple act of suspending your action momentarily instantly reduces the
intensity of the emotional reaction you would have had otherwise and also provides time for
de-escalation to both you and the other party. This in turn will allow you to also think about
what the other party is saying or doing and come up with a more measured response.
Analyse your perceptions Carefully analyse your perceptions. Sometimes thigs are not the
way they seem and we make assumptions based on our feelings about a situation or a
person. These perception, if unchecked, can cause us to react in an unwarranted way and
damage relationships. Always question your own perceptions to determine what is causing us
to perceive something or someone in a particular manner and are those reasons valid.
Ask questions Again when faced with a situation like the one described in the previous
point, a good strategy is to ask questions instead of giving in to the temptation of providing a
tit for tat response. When we ask questions in a negative situation it comes across as neutral
and non-judgemental. It tells the other party that instead of reacting to what they were saying
or doing we are trying to better understand their position and intent. This subtle act sends a
very powerful, non-verbal calming signal to the other party and can lead to a quick de-
escalation of a situation that could have otherwise gone bad.
Count to 10 This technique has been around for a very long time and is a version of the
dont react immediately strategy discussed earlier. When faced with a negative situation
instead of immediately reacting or responding, quickly count to 10 in your head. Counting to
10 reduces the intensity of our reaction drastically and makes for a thought out and measured
response.
Keep a low voice During a negative situation, it is almost natural to match the other partys
escalation acts and tactics. One of these is raising your own voice in response to the raising
of voice by the other party. However, if we dont raise our voice when the other party does
and keep talking in a low conversational tone then it sends a signal to the other party for de-
escalation and they also start to return to conversational voice levels.
Excuse yourself from the situation If all your efforts at managing your emotions are proving
difficult or the other party is simply proving to be implacable or the situation is becoming too
overwhelming them utilise your option of excusing yourself. Say that you want to take a break
and remove yourself from that environment completely. Physically removing yourself from that
Smile smiling during a negative situation can be a very powerful tool to quickly de-escalate
the situation. However, one should be careful with how they smile. A genuine friendly smile
will de-escalate things, while a snide or mocking smile can do the opposite.
While some people are naturally good at managing their emotions and some cultures even put an
emphasis on being able to control emotions, management of emotions is a useful skill to master for
everyone. Following strategies discussed above will ensure that you come across as an emotionally
stable and intelligent person. In addition, always aim to be polite and respectful towards others,
especially online as in the absence of facial expressions, written words can be misinterpreted. If you
show respect to others the others will show respect to you as well.
We have already discussed that self-awareness and self-regulation are two fundamental elements of
emotional intelligence. Self-reflection is the tool that enables us to become self-aware and then again
helps us in self-regulation. Using self-reflection a person would have an honest look at how they
behaved in certain instances and ask themselves questions around their conduct, their capabilities,
their relationships, their actions, their intent, how their behaviour has affected others etc. For example,
think about in the days leading up to an audit how did you behave with your co-workers? Were you
irritable, short, aggressive etc. and ask yourself why you behaved in such a manner, was your
behaviour justified and reasonable and how did it affect others around you? This self-reflection
process and the answers to their questions are what would enable a person to know who they are
and what impact are they having on others around them.
Similarly, self-reflection is also the tool that assists us in self-regulation. For example a person has
had an argument with a co-worker. A common tendency among emotionally intelligent is to blame the
other person. However, an emotionally intelligent person or someone who wants to further develop
their emotional intelligence skills will reflect on the incident and think about what they said to the other
person, how they said it, what was the other persons body language before and after what they said,
could the same thing have been said in a different way or could a different approach have been taken
to get their point across without resorting to an argument. This level of self-reflection will provide
answers that will allow the person to regulate or change their behaviour so that this type of incident
does not happen again.
Apart from helping improve our self-awareness and self-regulation skills some other ways that self-
reflection can be beneficial are:
Increased confidence The number one thing that self-reflection provides you with is clarity.
Clarity about our role, our ability, our thought process etc. Clarity also helps in removing self-
doubt. The removal of self-doubt leads to confidence. Confidence in turn makes a person a
better leader and someone around whom the others can get together.
Integrity Self-reflection can provide that moment of clarity when a difficult decision needs to
be made or when you are not sure about the path you have taken. That clarity becomes
Writer Name Ankit sharma Page 25 of 57 Date 10/7/2017
especially important during stressful times when our thinking becomes unusually muddled.
Modern workplaces are a very stressful environment. Everything seems to be in short supply
including patience and due consideration. Results are expected quickly and decisions need to
be taken instantly. In such circumstances, it is very easy to lose sight of certain
considerations and be inclined to take a decision just to get the ball rolling again. This is
where self-reflection can come in to save you from making a wrong decision by allowing you
time to review what you are about to do. That brief self-reflection time can save your
reputation and the business.
Better workplace relationships The basis of self-reflection is to analyse your own actions,
behaviours and feelings. Once we do this we start getting a better understanding of how we
might be coming across to others. Armed with this knowledge we can take steps to change or
modify our emotional responses which can lead to development of better relationships with
those around us.
One important thing about self-reflection is that it needs to be done in a dedicated manner. In other
words, you would need to devote some time exclusively to this activity to clarify things for yourself.
Some people set aside time when they wake up or right before they go to sleep to do self-reflection.
The good thing is that it does not take a large amount of time so it can easily be done even in five
minutes. The important thing is to do it every day and do it honestly with a view to find answers for
your actions not justifications.
The thing to consider is how you go about asking for feedback, especially if you are perceived to be
more powerful in an official capacity. If you are, then chances are that the other person may not be
willing to provide you with feedback fearing reprisals from you or they may provide pleasing but
ultimately useless feedback. It is important to establish a non-threatening environment before asking
for feedback. This can be achieved to a great extent by having the feedback talk in an informal setting
with no hints whatsoever of the power difference. It might also be helpful to indicate that this feedback
gathering exercise is part of an organisational process, like 360-degree feedback. This may help the
other party realise that it is something that is happening as part of organisational operations and not
something for which they are specifically being asked or targeted.
Another thing is that feedback should be collected should be for specific topics and should be
collected in a timely manner. Specific is important so people know what they should be talking about
Finally, when the feedback is provided, it should be taken without being defensive or argumentative.
Getting all defensive and argumentative about feedback essentially renders the feedback process
useless as it indicates that you are not willing to take what you had asked for and also makes the
feedback provider very apprehensive of any future attempts at feedback gathering.
Then there is the informal feedback. Which in a workplace setting might mean reading a lot of
gestures and body language, tone, gaze, facial expressions etc. These can tell you a lot more than a
formal feedback gathering process because in a formal feedback gathering process the person
providing the feedback knows they are being watched and their feedback is being recorded. Whereas
in informal feedback, the person might give off certain signs of what they think of you because they do
not believe they are being watched or recorded. In fact, they themselves might not know about the
gesture they have made as it happens on such a sub-conscious level for most people. However, this
is the feedback that will tell you whether your co-workers and team members approve of your actions
and behaviour or not.
Aggression
Forgetful
Unable to concentrate
Withdrawn
Overly critical
Irritable
Unusually quiet
Think of the trainer, student support officer or compliance manager who has been displaying any of
these emotional states over a long period of time or displaying them to a deeper level, enquire about
their well-being and take appropriate steps to ensure they come back to normal state of being. It is
also a managers responsibility to check for any signs of stress. Stress and its side effects are the
single biggest drag on an employees productivity. Stress can also have a significant impact on an
employees health. Stress can induce feelings of being overwhelmed, irritability and feeling isolated.
Left unchecked these feelings can lead to serious repercussions on a persons psychological and
physical well-being. A manager should look for any signs of stress and take necessary steps up to
and including counselling and admitting the employee into stress management programs.
Commitment to the job is another area that can be discerned by reading employee emotional cues.
Commitment refers to how deeply is a person attached to their work and work objectives. So, when
an employee puts up resistance to an idea or a new way of doing things it doesnt just mean that they
are being difficult or disagreeable, as it may also mean that they are committed and invested in what
they are doing and that is where their negativity is coming from. Granted sometimes the workplace
takes a new direction and the old way of doing things may simply not be feasible anymore. In these
situations, the people putting up resistance may sometimes be seen as trouble makers but an
emotionally intelligent manager should be aware of and be able to see the reasons behind the
emotional behaviour.
The aspect of orientation toward work also needs to be understood by an emotionally intelligent
manager in order to better understand employee emotional cues. Workplace motivation orientation
consists of approach motivation and avoidance motivation. Art Markman has further added that the
approach system is engaged when people are trying to pursue potential positive outcomes whereas
the avoidance system is engaged when people are trying to pursue potential negative outcomes.
Pursuing negative outcomes does not mean that the employee is trying to pursue something illegal or
harmful to the business such as sabotage, rather it means that the employee maybe trying to put a
distance between themselves and their work because the work itself may be making the employee
uncomfortable. So, while it may appear that the employee is pursuing a negative outcome (not doing
work/getting work done), an emotionally intelligent manager should carefully consider the matter to
find out what is going on and modulate their own reactions towards the employee accordingly. Identify
the range of cultural expressions of emotions and respond appropriately
Cultural expressions are how people overtly and sub-consciously display the culture to which they
belong. The way people express their culture and how they express them could be very different to
what you are used to and can cause some confusion or friction based on how you look at it. For
example, in the Western world punctuality is valued and being late for an appointment is looked down
upon whereas in Asia being on time is not a huge priority and meetings often start later than the
official time. Now consider that you had scheduled a meeting and one of your team members was
about fifteen minutes late without a good explanation. You might think they are deliberately being
disrespectful, when they might just have been following a cultural norm. Now, granted this team
member would need to be advised that coming to meetings on time is a necessity for operational
efficiency and also because it is not fair on the remaining team members to be kept waiting on
account of one person, but the point is that you as a manager should understand that this is not being
done deliberately and the team member in this case would need some assistance regarding cultural
norms that are being followed in this part of the world. As an example, lets look at some cultural
differences between the western/European world and Asia below:
Questioning In the western culture subordinates are expected to ask questions to clarify
matters in an explicit and specific manner whereas in Asian culture asking questions of
supervisors and managers can be seen as challenging their authority and insult them. The
underlying feeling being the supervisor or manager either does not know what they are talking
about or has not been able to explain it very well resulting in loss of face. Keep this in mind
Authority or power In western world supervisors and managers often have very little power
distance with those they manage and can often be found socialising with their subordinates.
In Asian culture, the power distance between managers and employees is quite large and the
manager would not ordinarily be found socialising or mingling with their subordinates. At the
same time, Asian managers are viewed as father figures by their subordinates and the
managers also often provide guidance and advice about personal and professional matters
that is usually not found in relations between managers and subordinates in the western
world. Keep this in mind if your Asian trainer seems cagey about going out for after work
drinks. Its not that they do not want to share your company but their cultural norm might be
telling them that they should not be having a drink with their manager.
Meaning of yes In western culture Yes means agreement. So, if you ask your subordinate if
they have understood what needs to be done and they respond Yes you can be reasonably
certain that they have understood that or else they would have said No. In Asian culture, the
word Yes can mean a number of things. It might mean that Yes- I have understood what you
have said or it might mean that yes, I have heard you. It is useful to have a follow up question
that establishes that they have understood what you wanted to convey.
There are a number of other differences between these two cultures as well as between them and
other cultures around the world and discussing all those differences will be beyond the scope of this
document. The above are just examples and should not be inferred to apply uniformly to each and
every member of a given society and especially large geographical constructs such as Europe and
Asia which consist of a number of nations, each with its own unique culture. In addition, there are
several subcultures within these nations as well. Furthermore, there are cultural scripts may also
dictate how an individual might perform in a situation.
Traditionally, flexibility and adaptability in the workplace have meant a willingness to change.
However, in the modern workplace it may mean several things such as:
Planning ahead and having backup plans in case something goes wrong
Be agile
Be knowledgeable about different personalities and adapt your management style accordingly
Majority of human beings by their very nature do not like change. Change is uncomfortable and needs
a lot of energy and effort around understanding the new factors at play. Payal Chanania wrote an
article in the Hindu back in 2011, in which she says that most people prefer a static and predictable
environment and become uneasy and resistant at the very thought of change and that they are just
too comfortable with being comfortable! But, change is such an inherent part of the workplace that
often there is no choice but to negotiate it. Like they say nothing is permanent but change.
A big part of managing change within an organisation involves managing the people in the
organisation. Managing people can be challenging due to the range of different personalities in the
workplace. Personality can be defined as the mixture of characteristics and traits that make up a
person and define their behaviour, attitudes, thought process, perception and emotional setup. Some
people are naturally flexible and adaptable in dealing with different personalities, whereas for others
successfully managing the various personalities may require them to do additional research. This
research may involve finding out various things about others such as thier likes and dislikes, interests,
how they like to work, outlook and opinions and then meeting me on their interest points. The
People who chat too much People who exhibit this personality often indulge in a lot of talk
with other co-workers. Now to be fair having a chat is actually good and is often encouraged
in the offices as a means for people to get closer and form good working relationships, which
is a sign of emotional intelligence and leads to better productivity. So, generally most
workplaces have a tolerance level for employees chatting among themselves due to the
mentioned operational benefits. However, this becomes a problem when you have an
individual who seems to chat more than they work and since chatting involves another person
or group of people, these personality types end up taking valuable work time from others as
well. This leads to a decrease in productivity which is the polar opposite of why workplaces
allow employees to chat among themselves in the first place. There can be a number of ways
to deal with such people such as not taking part in lengthy irrelevant conversations to politely
and diplomatically veer the conversation towards work related matters with these people. Also
consider if their energy can somehow be redirected in a more constructive manner elsewhere.
People with inflated egos People with these personalities will often have a notion that they
know everything and will not listen to instructions and guidelines and might even have a low
opinion of other co-workers but will not shy away from taking credit. This behaviour can lead
to operational setbacks and in some cases, may even prove to be dangerous. Dealing with
people of this personality requires assertiveness to clearly tell them in a polite but firm manner
that their behaviour will not be tolerated and unless they make drastic changes in how they
interact with others, there may not be a position for them in the workplace anymore.
People who indulge in blame games People with this personality type will put responsibility
for any failures away from themselves by blaming other team members, situations, resources
etc. without ever accepting their role in what went wrong or otherwise admit to their mistake.
In order to deal with these type of personalities firstly separate facts from fiction and then
base your discussion around verifiable facts.
People who play the victim People with this personality type often complain about their work
and personal life problems and try to draw other peoples attention towards them. They can
often be found complaining about the volume of their work or how they do not have enough or
relevant resources to perform their job properly. In order to deal with this personality type it is
important to remain objective and stay true to facts around their work condition or work
performance. Also check with any documentation and other team members to ascertain facts
and to ensure you have all relevant details before you have a discussion with them.
People who are loners People with this personality type are often not a complete part of the
team. This personality type is in some ways the opposite of the overly chatty personality type.
They often perform well on individual tasks but not so much when they are given team tasks.
Navigating through the different personalities in the workplace takes a lot of skill and effort but dealing
with this variety of personalities in an effective manner can be very rewarding and assist in further
development of your own leadership skills and eases your career growth and success. Whatever you
do and however you deal with the various personalities and people in the workplace, always keep an
open mind and look at problems as opportunities and you will find that you are able to better adapt to
any emerging issues.
Practice Task 3
Identify a change that you have recently managed. This can be from your professional or personal
lives. Identify the stakeholders (other people) who were involved in that change and what challenges
did you face in implementing that change? Could you have done anything differently to better manage
the change?
Deterioration in working relationships of team members with the manager as well as among
themselves
For example Martha, a single mother enjoys working at xyz company because xyz company offers a
late afternoon shift. This has allowed Martha to pick her child up from school, leave the child with her
sister and then collect the child at the end of her shift. The manager of the company decides to cancel
the late afternoon shift due to falling profit margins and higher compensation costs associated with the
afternoon shift. When Martha hears about this she feels her world has turned upside down and feels
angry and confused. Martha feels overwhelmed considering all the lifestyle changes she would need
to make on account of this decision and feels a sense of hatred towards the manager. She cant
immediately reconcile to the fact that this decision was taken keeping the business interests in mind,
instead she feels that the manager has taken this decision to save a few dollars while not thinking
about her and her child.
While the manager has taken the decision to scrap the late afternoon shift after carefully considering
certain business indicators, he obviously did not communicate the decision in an adequate manner
Now consider another instance where the manager had communicated to employees weeks or
months in advance (whichever time frame was possible) that such a decision was being considered
and that employees are welcome to share their concerns with the manager. This could have been
followed up by the manager actually putting aside some time to discuss these matters with
employees. Such a communication and follow up actions would have given the employees ample
notice about what is happening and also the feeling that the manager is being considerate of their
personal feelings and situations.
It is quite possible that such an exercise would have only been aimed at making them aware about
the impending decision and not be about giving employees a chance to influence the manager to
reconsider the decision. However, the timeframe and the communication and the appearance of a
consultative approach would have given the employees the opportunity to internalise and assimilate
the information regarding why the late afternoon shifts are being cancelled. This understanding would
have then enabled the employees to get mentally prepared that such a decision was going to be
implemented and not become confused and angry as they did. There have been studies which have
shown that when employees are provided proper communication regarding a decision including the
emotional reasons behind the decision, they are much more likely to agree with that decision.
The employees could have been taken aboard through a consensus building approaches as
discussed below:
Consensus building approach is very effective in resolving problems that affect diverse
groups by providing group members with an input into the decision-making process and
guaranteeing that their interests will be considered and protected.
Emotional intelligence is increasingly being seen as the binding factor in teams and achieving team
objectives. As such it is important for managers to ensure that team members are emotionally aware
and to assist them in increasing their emotional intelligence. This part will look at various things that a
manager can and should do to help team members develop their emotional intelligence.
Assist others to understand the effect of their behaviour and emotions on others in the
workplace
Encourage others to develop their own emotional intelligence to build productive relationships
and maximise workplace outcomes
The why
As mentioned earlier an RTO can be very fast paced and hectic and can change at a moments
notice. This fast-paced nature along with an inclination for quick change can be very disconcerting
and frustrating for certain people. Repeated changes and variations, especially if poorly explained or
not explained at all, can lead to anger, depression and frustration. People who are angry, anxious,
depressed or frustrated can rarely perform to expected standards. An emotionally intelligent manager
knows the tell-tale signs of such employees and understands the importance of communicating with
these people and providing them with an opportunity to talk things through.
When employees talk about the challenges they are facing and their concern and disappointments
that they have at how certain things have been done, it should not be treated as an act of rebellion.
Instead it should be looked at as a call for help and an opportunity to resolve a problem before it turns
big. Having an open discussion with an employee allows them to let off some steam and is a much
better approach then letting the problem simmer and end with a much more serious outcome. Open
communication can also have several other benefits around team development and cohesion. Some
traits that are found in team members of the businesses where they are encouraged to be
forthcoming regarding their emotions and share their feelings are:
Relationship performance This trait refers to establishment of strong ties and good working
relationships with their colleagues. Open communication allows people to share their
thoughts, emotions and feelings with others which allows people to discover more about each
other including shared interests and develop a closer relationship.
Productivity This refers to the amount of work people are able to get done. Employees in a
workplace that encourages open and honest communication are able to develop strong
workplace relationships which enables greater levels of productivity.
Creativity Creativity can be defined as the ability to develop something new. Open and
honest communication and sharing allows people to openly discuss problems and limitations
and leads to development of attitudes that favour and bring about change. Change is a
precursor to creativity.
Reliability Reliability is the ability to perform consistently without many errors, especially in
stressful situations. Communicating with others in an honest and emotionally expressive
manner builds trust. People who trust their surroundings and the other people around them
develop confidence in how they do things. Confident people take pride in their jobs and can
perform their job in a reliable manner.
Seeing the benefits of having employees share their emotions and feelings in the workplace, it is
important to encourage the development of an environment that provides employees with
opportunities to share their feelings and emotions. This can be done in a number of ways:
Open door policy An open-door policy implies that the managers door is open should an
employee wish to discuss any matter that is of importance to the employee. Open door
policies are often encouraged in the modern workplace as it sends out a clear signal to the
employees that they are a valued member of the team and that their manager cares about
them. Some organisations go for an enhanced version of this policy where an employee at
any level can approach not just their own manager but also any other senior manager
including the CEO! One point of consideration regarding policies like these is that they often
tend to be more symbolic and are geared towards presenting a certain image of the
management to the employees and develop employee trust, as actually only their own
manager would have the relevant knowledge about the employees circumstances. Also, care
must be taken when implementing such policies so that they do not upset the chain of
command with the employees starting to go to senior managers with minor problems as that
can only increase the workload of senior managers and might also be used by an employee
as an attempt to sidestep their manager on certain things. Even if an employee were to
approach the CEO or a senior manager of the company with his problems, the CEO or senior
manager will eventually get in touch with the employees direct manager to consider the
problems faced by the employee. Even if such a policy does not exist at an official level, an
emotionally intelligent manager will make it a point to convey to his team members that they
can always come up to him if they are facing any problems.
Regular catch up sessions The aim of these sessions is to provide the manager with an
opportunity to have a detailed catch-up with an employee that they may otherwise not be able
to in the regular course of business. These sessions can also be very useful for the manager
to have a detailed conversation with employees who are shy or uneasy about opening up or
approaching the manager themselves. It is important that the manager conveys to the
employee that the matters being discussed between them are confidential and will not be
shared with the other employees. Stating this in clear terms might also spur the employee in
opening up and sharing how they feel. Also, the manager will need to be sensitive about
things or concerns that the employee shares with the manager. Not taking the concerns being
shred seriously, making fun of the employee, blaming the employee, getting angry or
otherwise acting in an inconsiderate manner might cause the employee to forever lose his
trust in these meetings and the manager. These sessions can also be used in instances
where the employee has given some signs that requires the manager to probe the matter
further. The manager can then use questioning techniques during these sessions to
determine how the employee is feeling, where they stand on certain issues and to clarify any
Whinge and whine meetings These can be done with a group of employees where the
employees have been told at the onset that in this meeting they can share their feelings about
organisational practices, policies and management styles without getting aggressive, personal
or profane and that anything said in these meetings will not be held against the employees.
As an example invite all your trainers to come to a meeting and tell them in advance they can
whinge and vent to their hearts content and anything they say will not be used against
them.The benefit of such a meeting is that they allow a manager to simultaneously get an
idea about the feelings and emotions of employees around certain workplace matter which
doing in a one-on0-one manner would take substantially more time. However, the downside is
that employees may not be convinced that anything they say during these meetings will not
be held against them or may not feel comfortable sharing their feelings in front of their co-
workers and may not be as forthcoming as desired. It is also important that the manager
should be mature enough to take any criticism directed in these meetings in the spirit of the
meeting and should not use the content of the meeting to settle scores later on.
Emotions are a natural part of the human existence and suppressing them can give rise to a number
of problems at both the physical and the psychological level. Managers should try to emotionally
connect with their employees without being judgemental by creating opportunities to hear them out
when they are not happy about the way certain things are being done.
Continue the status quo Status quo is a Latin world that roughly translates to the state of
affairs. If you choose to continue the status quo or continue with the state of affairs then that
would imply that you keep interacting with the person who ids causing you offence in a normal
manner and not tell them about what is causing you offence and thereby give them a chance
to improve their behaviour. This behaviour is exhibited by individuals when they expect the
other person to realise their mistake soon and continue to behave with the other person in a
normal dignified manner. This is a behaviour that generally speaking, a person can only
continue with a short period of time.
Match their behaviour In this instance, we match feel inclined to match the other persons
behaviour. This behaviour is essentially a tit for tat behaviour that can fuel further conflict.
This is the type of behaviour displayed by people who are not self-aware and cant do self-
regulation. In other words, this is a very emotionally intelligent type of behaviour.
Keep a distance We display this behaviour when we are not sure how to approach the topic
about the other persons behaviour with the other person. As a result, we end up putting a
distance between us and them or start avoiding them without discussing the issue. This is not
a good approach as we never give the other person a chance to improve their behaviour by
identifying the aspects of their behaviour which we find unacceptable. Moreover, because we
start being distant with the other person, they might initially be confused by our behaviour and
gradually also start being negative about us. Keep in mind that though we may have found
their behaviour to be offensive or rude, they may have no idea about what we are feeling and
what is causing those emotions in us. Due to lack of awareness about emotional intelligence
and self-awareness, this is the kind of behaviour that most people easily fall into.
People who are self-aware and self-regulatory would also know thier strengths and
weaknesses as per the situation which in turn enables them to deal with the situation in the
best possible manner. Also, approaching the other person and telling how you feel about their
behaviour allows the other person to understand the effect of their behaviour on others and
they can take steps to change that behaviour. There may be occasions or individuals who
may not stop their behaviour after being told about the effect that their behaviour is having on
others. However, in majority of cases the other person is simply unaware of the effect that
their actions, behaviour or emotions are having on others around them and appreciate the
person who came up and told them about it.
When discussing the matter regarding the other persons behaviour and what is offensive or
uncomfortable about it. It is helpful to not sound like you are blaming them. A good strategy to avoid
coming across as being judgemental towards the other person is to use I statements instead of
you statements. This changes the tone of the conversation from one that sounds like you are putting
the blame on the other person to something that sounds like you are neutrally and factually presenting
the situation for the other person to consider and it also moves the focus of conversation from the
other person to us or even to the situation itself. An example of this could be that instead of saying
You always do this . or The other day you did this to saying something like I feel very
concerned when. Or I would like it if .
Another thing to consider is that we are not being overly judgemental about the other persons
behaviour. We need to be able to think and reflect on what exactly has the other person done that has
caused us to feel this way about him or her. There is a chance that the other persons actions or
behaviour themselves are not offensive or outrageous, instead it is out interpretation of them that is
causing us to view their behaviour in a certain way. There is also a chance that our emotional setup at
the time might be causing us to view innocent comments in a manner far removed from how they
were intended. A good example being when someone makes a joke but because we are in a negative
emotional state at the time we might not appreciate their attempt at humour, even though there may
not be anything wrong with their joke itself! At times like these it is important to not react (self-
regulation) and reflect on what has happened in a calm manner in order to find the root cause and the
best way to deal with the situation.
Self-management is one of the basic elements of emotional intelligence. How we feel about certain
things and situations can have profound physical and psychological effects on us and others around
us. There is also increasing evidence that our emotions can have a remarkable impact on our
behaviour, our thinking and our health. All of which points to the importance of learning how to self-
manage emotions. Despite this, there is very little awareness about the impact of emotions and how
to develop self-management skills when it comes to emotions. Self-management skills do not get
developed by themselves but need to be gained through practice and sustained learning. This
learning and practice often needs some sort of motivation and support to kick in. This motivation can
come after an incident which forces an individual to reflect on the incident and think about ways to
develop their self-management skills. Sometimes it can come in after being encouraged and
supported by someone.
As a manager, you can encourage and assist others in developing self-management of emotions as
long as they also want to change or have a little bit of an inclination to change. McKee (2015)
referring to Boyatzis says that you dont have even a remote chance of changing someones
Emotional intelligence unless they themselves want to change. McKee (2015) adds that research has
proven that incentives only work for a short time and threats do not work at all, so essentially any sort
of carrot and stick strategy that might be considered to get the employee to follow instructions
regarding their behaviour is likely to fail. McKee (2015) further says that if you want to encourage
someone to change their behaviour (including self-management of emotions) then firstly, you need to
help them in developing a reason for changing, which can come from realising what they can become
and achieve, which McKee calls their dream. Secondly, help them in making some changes to how
they currently operate so that they may achieve their dream.
In order to achieve the dream, which will provide the inclination in the employee to bring about a
change in how they behave and express their emotions, it must be found or established by the
employee or co-worker themselves. As a manager, you can coach them into discovering what is it
that they think is important in their life and what is it that they cherish. Once the employee identifies a
dream as manager you need to help them in finding where they currently stand as far as achieving
this dream is concerned regarding workplace and personal relationships.
The next step would involve identification of the changes that would need to be made in how they
currently operate or their current self-management levels. You can assist this person in finding out
about this by arranging for feedback and input from other people in the office. Because you have
identified the dream for the employee and are helping them achieve it, they will trust you and your
actions in gathering feedback and other inputs.
As a manager, you are responsible for the wellbeing of people working in your team. Wellbeing also
comes from growth and personal development. Self-management of emotions is certainly a part of
growth and personal development. You can help your team members achieve that and at the same
time make your team and the wider workplace a better and more understanding place to be.
Lead by example People often learn by observing others. This is called social learning and
has been proven to be a very effective tool in teaching others. As a manager, you can get the
team members attention to their workplace relationships, their behaviour or how they handle
situations by discussing the topic with them and providing non-verbal cues through your own
behaviour and approach. You can then provide them with specific examples of what they
have been doing and provide suggestions on different ways that the situation could have
been handled including how you would do it as well as what do you do to regulate your
emotions. Also tell them that your way of handling the situation is just one way and that there
are many other ways, which might be even better than your way. This way you will get their
attention and they would be observing you on how you keep your emotions under control,
engage and deal with the variety of personalities, resolve conflict and how you make
decisions.
Assist them in accepting, embracing and managing their emotions Discuss the importance
of accepting emotional state and emotions with the team member. Let them know that its
okay to have different emotions including negative emotions as its a natural part of human
psychology but that its important to regulate those emotions and not to act out on them. For
example if the team member or co-worker says they feel angry at the way certain things are
done and they feel like lashing out, then let them know that it is okay to feel angry or
frustrated but acting out on the anger or frustration by lashing out is not only futile it also
disturbs the relationship they have with their co-workers. People who can regulate their
emotions are seen as reliable and trustworthy which in turn helps with the workplace
relationships and the ability to get along with others. As a manager, you need to encourage
team memebers to get into the habit of reflecting and evaluating their emotions and consider
the actions that they intend to take.
Assist them in controlling their body language and reading other peoples body language
Our interactions are effected not just by what we say verbally but also through our body
language. Human beings developed body language over millions of years ago to
communicate with each other and to convey their intentions before the advent of language.
Body language consists of our gestures, posture, the tone of our voice, our facial expressions
and conveys what we are feeling. A significant portion of pour overall communication is done
through body language. Most people subconsciously send out messages through their body
language that convey their true feelings about a situation or a person despite what they might
De-stress Stress is a mental or psychological state where individuals feel strained and
helpless due to demanding or dangerous circumstances. Stress can be an immense
productivity killer as when we an individual is stressed their mind simply does not work the
way it does under normal circumstances. This is due to the fight or flight response that we
have studied about earlier. Since an individual does not think in the way they normally do and
perceive everything from a flight or fight perspective, it stands to reason that things like
reflection, self-regulation and development of relationships would be the last things on their
mind. As a manager, it would be prudent and pragmatic on your part to identify if a person if
feeling stressed and to help them destress. This can be achieved providing them assistance if
they are finding their job duties or projects overwhelming and if that does not work it might be
useful to take them off projects that are causing them stress. Another general approach could
be to have team meet for certain non-work events that not only help in team bonding but also
help to break stressful workflow such as afternoon drinks or celebration of professional and
personal achievements. However, be careful that these events or their anticipation does not
end up breaking productive workflows in the workplace.
Discourage silo work and encourage collaboration People working in silos (by themselves
and not knowing what is happening with other teams or co-workers) will never have the
opportunity or inclination to improve their working relationships and improve workplace
outcomes. This is because they see their current state of workplace being as all they have to
contend with, which in turn keeps them away from reflecting on how they can become more
emotionally intelligent. Put simply they do not feel any need for improving their workplace
relationships because of the limited contact they have with co-workers. This by extension also
inhibits their reasons for improving their emotional intelligence. As a manager, you can and
should take steps that would require the person working in a silo to become more involved
with others in the workplace, which in turn would compel them to consider their relationship
with others in the workplace and become more aware about themselves. Giving them work
where they have to liaise with others by the way the work is designed is a way to achieve it.
So, the question is what actions can a manager perform to enable a positive climate in the
workplace? A manager can do several things to achieve this or at the very least get the ball rolling in
that direction by doing things like:
Exhibit positive body language We have discussed about how a manager who exudes
positivity will have team members who display positivity and a manager who exudes
negativity will have team members who exhibit negative emotions. A basic action that a
manager can take to encourage positive emotions and climate in the workplace is by being a
role model for positivity. This will include having a positive body language and facial
expressions. Studies have indicated that our body language and facial expressions can
actually change our mood. For example if you are in a negative mood, try smiling. You as a
manager can keep a positive environment or add to it by dong simple things like smiling or
sitting up and talking with people in a friendly and uplifting tone then that is bound to rub off
on others in the workplace too. There will of course be occasions when you might feel
overwhelmed by work responsibilities or other pressures but having a positive body language
will uplift your mood (which is a good thing for you at a personal level) as well as uplift your
team. Remember emotional contagion and the fact that team members take their cue from
thier manager.
o Invest in video-conferencing facilities so that people who are working remotely or are
frequently out of the workplace can still keep in touch with others, share ideas and
information and keep up with workplace developments. Use technology to its
maximum to make team members feel connected and to keep them informed.
Space for work and socialisation As important as socialisation is it should not come at the
cost of personal space. Where possible, a workplace should provide ample space for team
members to work. Constrained spaces where elbows of co-workers rub off against each other
and they feel like their personal space is being invaded by another person, even though they
get along fabulously with that person, is rarely going to result in a happy state for either co-
worker. Workspaces should be such that they provide team members with enough space to
suit their work style. The workplace must also provide, where possible, informal areas where
co-workers can mingle and socialise with each other as well as be by themselves if they
wished to calm down. Some Australian workplaces already provide such facilities to their staff
such as ANZ.
Team strength is usually a sum of the individual strengths of its team members, which come from the
level and kind of experiences they have had. This is also the reason why nowadays there is such a
focus on having diverse teams. Diverse teams may have some difficulty initially to get going owing to
the diversity, but this very same diversity will after a period of time prove to be the biggest source of
strength for the team due to the range of expertise and skills that such a team would possess.
In order to ensure the success of the team, it is important the manager is able to utilise and leverage
the strengths of each and every team member. For this to happen the manager should do the
following:
Determine employee strengths The first step in using the strength of team members is to
identify what the strengths are. This can be achieved by observing the team members
perform their job and make notes about the areas where they perform particularly well. The
next step is to compare their performance with that of their peers. If their performance is
comparable to those of their peers then while the team member can clearly perform their job
up to the required standards it is more of a norm given the workplace team composition.
However, if their performance is much better than their peers than this team member is
clearly showing an area of strength which can be further honed and put to better use. For
example Jodie has the lowest level of negative customer feedback and the highest level of
positive customer feedback in the organisation. Her negative feedback level is less than half
of John who is the team member with the next best rating and her positive feedback level is
double of Mary who has the next best level of positive feedback.
This clearly shows that customer service is an area of strength for Jodie and the organisation
can provide her additional training and eventually get her to provide customer service training
to other employees and set customer service benchmarks for the organisation. Other ways to
determine areas of strengths is to ask the employee about the areas where they consider
themselves to be strong and areas where they need to get more experience and perform a
360-degree feedback where feedback on employee performance is provided. As with all kinds
of performance evaluation activities one must be careful not to let personal bias or
preconceived notions creep into the evaluation process. Also as a manager you need to be
careful about what the employee lists as their strength. There is a chance that the employee
is listing a particular area as a strength due to disingenuous reasons. There is also a chance
that an employee genuinely believes an area to be their strength but it really is not or they
may not be aware of particular strengths. As a manager, you need to exercise due caution
Writer Name Ankit sharma Page 54 of 57 Date 10/7/2017
and judgement and use your skills and experience when making a determination of strength
areas of team members to get a clear idea of the areas where your team is good and where it
needs a bit more work.
Be on the lookout for unusual abilities There might be some team members who have
certain abilities that are not thought of as usual workplace competencies or skills and there
might be some individuals who may have certain strengths shrouded under a veneer of
weakness. An example could be of a team member who might come across as shy and
reserved. Some might describe this as a weakness, especially in a world where you need to
be able to connect and engage with others in order to get noticed and get ahead. However,
this so-called weakness might hide the fact that this team members might be a very good
listener, which makes them an excellent ambassador for the company to its customers.
HRdaily (2010) quotes the founder of software company Specialisterne saying that people
with autism made great software testers, and the company gained a competitive advantage
by hiring them. There might be other personality traits and capabilities that might not be
noticed or seen in a poor light that could provide unique capabilities. HRdaily (2010) argues
that in some studies, up to 50 per cent of millionaires are found to have dyslexia, as
compared to 10 per cent of the general population, which might cause them to fail at school
and succeed in life as they have hyper abilities in other areas.
Find the right spot There will be occasions when a team member does not seem to fit into
their role or there just seems to be a mismatch between their temperament, skills, abilities
and the requirements of their job position. Emotionally unintelligent managers often take the
easy way out and decide to let them go when they see the team member struggling after
being in their job for some time. This decision might be convenient for some manager but it
may not be the best decision, especially given the time, effort and money spent on initial
hiring and training. HRdaily (2010) argues Just because somebody isn't working out doesn't
mean they're "broken". A more difficult but potentially fruitful decision might be to work with
this team member to determine their areas of strength and then provide them with a work
profile more suited to them. Everybody has certain capabilities and strengths. Sometimes
they are evident and sometimes they need some digging. As a manager, you need to make
that extra effort to find how best to utilise that team member.
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