Sanity on Fire

MINXIE

I wake up.
It's the same bad dream. A house in flames.. and voices.. shrieks.
It has always been the same bad dream! *laughs*
*gasp*
*sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff*
Doctor? *sniff, sniff, sniff* Doctor? Doctor! *sniff, sniff* F-Firemen! I smell the scent of gasoline in my
cell! My cell.. My cell is on fire! I smell smoke! Doctor! Firemen! It's blazing in here! HEEEEELP--
Oh.
Hi Doctor. I was just playing around so you can come by and.. let me out.
PLEASE! I'm not mad! I'm not mad! I only want to end my life.. Please! LET ME! Please..
Huh?
The doctor's gone. Maybe I just imagined him again. Oh well.

A crowd? So many people! How -- how did you get here?! Who are you?! Who let you in?! How long
have you been watching me here?! *gasp* Oh, I get it now. You've all come here to rescue me! Is that it?
I can't just be imagining all of you here, can I?

Please let me out of here! I'm not insane! I'm not fit to be imprisoned in a filthy cell such as this! I'm the
daughter of a landlord! I can't be here! Please! Please! Please.. I'm Mr. Kingsleigh's daughter.. Please..

I only have 2 hours 'til the jailer checks the cells.. 2 hours 'til the jailer locks me up permanently.. 2 hours
and.. my family burns in the fire.. Oh, they are screaming! They are crying for me! PLEASE! I have to save
them! Please..

WHAT? How dare! I did not start the fire! It wasn't me! It wasn't me! It wasn't me.. Why wouldn't anyone
believe me? I'm innocent!

Yes, my twin sister and I loved each other more than anything else in the world. Our similarities never
bothered us because it was funny how most people didn't know how to tell us apart. It was funny until
then.. Until then. SHE DID IT! She did it! She.. She did it! She.. did it. She.. was obsessed with her lover.
Unfortunately, mother and father had to arrange a marriage for her. She was to be married to a landlord
for financial reasons. Yet.. she was with child. Her lover's. Thus mother and father had to get rid of the
child once it's born.

I can still remember the cold little corpse being thrown into the nearby river. OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE!

My sister became quiet for months, and she cried whenever she received presents from her fiance. She
told me she heard an infant crying every night and she couldn't sleep. She became distant, lethargic.. At
most times, she did not move.

She served us tea one afternoon. She was surprisingly happy then, smiling as she poured the tea to our
cups. Her tea was peculiar, though. Too sweet.. too thick.. It made us dizzy..
*faints*
I wake up. I'm in my room!
*sniff, sniff, sniff*
*gasp* SMOKE! SMOKE! All around me! The house is on fire!
I run to the door. It's locked! "Mommy! Daddy! Elizabeth!" I turn around and find my window open. I
must quickly jump out to ask for help from the neighbors. As I open my mouth to scream for help, I hear
my window being shut. I look back. I see my sister through the glass. She is smiling.. victoriously..
peacefully.. readily.. horrifyingly! She begins to burn.. to melt.. Flesh dripping.. darkening.. stripping
down.. and slowly eaten by flames.

The house gradually crumbles right in front of my eyes. I could hardly move because of what I just
learned.

The neighbors approached, bringing buckets of water. I still could not move. My mind stopped keeping
pace with time. All things that moved are speeding past me.. blurry.. surreal. I could hardly hear their
running steps.. their consolation.. their accusations. All I could hear is the crackling and hissing fire! The
screams of my parents! I'm gradually losing touch with reality.

They brought me to my relatives to be taken care of. BUT I DO NOT WISH TO BE TAKEN CARE OF! The
desire to lose this life continues to stain my innocent mind. However, they keep me from doing it.

Rope tied around my neck, one step from this stool and I shall taste the blissfully deadly grip that has the
power to take me to another world.

One, two, three! GERONIMO! *closes eyes*

*jumps*
*opens eyes*
It did not.. work! Oh for the love of --
The rope is too long!
"Iracebeth? Can I come in? I have your dinner. Um, I'm coming in now Iracebeth."
*sighs* Maybe next time, Rope.
My aunt is looking at me.
Hi aunt. Meet Rope, a friend.
Of course she screamed, and in an hour, men in white came in the house and took me away.
They imprisoned me in a cell because everyone thought of me as dangerous -- having burned my own
family while watching the house break down and such -- and suicidal. They tell me I'm on suicide watch
and under treatment!
*laughs* HOW STUPID! I'm not mad! Insanity remains to be misunderstood, ladies and gentlemen! I'm
not mad. I'm not mad! I'm not mad! I'M NOT MAAAAAD!!! *screams* My mother.. She's screaming! My
father needs me! Please! Please! Let me out.. Let me out! They're burning! I have to save them! Please..
I'm not mad.. I'm not mad!

I'M NOT MAAAAAD!!!

 Once in Annas life

What a happy night we have here! Full of smile, tenderness, and fulfilment -all day round! How cuddly
and super-duper glared Thursday, isnt it (selfie) ! Oh I need to post this on my facebook account, I
should update my friends about this upcoming event. My dear audience Ill tag you ok?! I am and Im
feeling so excited about everything, goes around comes around, pixie dust (gentle)oops!

Anna Maria Brucal! Where are you dear? Yes, my loving mother? Its time for dinnercome downstairs.
Your father, ate, and kua are already here OhhhI cant wait to see themI need to show ate about the
dresss he bought for me and this sweet lollipop came from kua...La! La! La! (Turnaround with glimpse)!hi
there! Im a charming girl who has a sweet, adoring, alluring family- all that youve wanted ..Hmm!
(sibling)ok then, lets eat already wait kuya we need to pray first before we eat ok Anna lead the
prayerok then

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day, for such blessings that we receive every day, my family and I wish no
more than your loving grace forgive us our sins and thank you for the delicious meal on our table that
you always provide and let your love shine to all of us ever ever after and evermorethats all papa
Jesus. Amen

Now lets feast the dinner her. So the happy family indeed is fulfilled with strong ties encircling in them.
Anna Maria, her sweet papa, mama and adoring siblings. But a furious situation will toss her life instantly
a loving moment will suddenly turn into ashes a car crashed (crashing sound) dead! Only she herself
survived (you raise me up-instrumental) mama, papa, kua, ate wake up! I said wake up! No!no! no! dont
leave me, Ill be no one without all of you! Noooo! LIFE tell me?!What did I do to suffer like this? I dont
deserve this!!!! Never!!!

Her life is in humongous dramatragedy etched dinner heart will mold her into a notorious lady. Bang!!!
(loud music) Wuuu!!! I love to party! Drink more guyshahaha I think I have no time to go to class oh
well never mind if its pathetic! Only morons go to school. By the way Imalready15 years old I can take
care myselfhaha dont be shy cmon! party party baby!!! How bout you honey ( licking tongue) ..you
look delicious! Why dont have goodnight with me? Im free? (seducing) (naughty kiss)

And there you have it! A very pretty nitty me! Fell into an unexpected situation where only couples do.
After few weeks then she discovered that (sound effect-door opened to clinic) Oh my the result is that
you are positive, positive in what? Pregnancy test! You have a child living inside your bodyno! no! it
cant be! You mean a baby that is getting a hell out! I need to see a manghihilot now(enraging walk)
you could be the best manghihilot in townwhat do I need to get rid of this!!! This child in my body, Im
not prepared to be a mother!

You need to accept the fact that the child inside you part of your fate try to face your consequence.
Damn it! I dont need your lecture. What I need now is how you will get off this thing from my body?!
Just tell me! I think I have a solution for that but dont tell this to anyone ok? Alright then! Count me in.
just what the hell is that?
 According to some experts this tiny pills is what you surely need its called mifepristone and
misoprostol these oral pill is sometimes called the abortion pill this is the safest way if you are so
desperatewell I have no choice at all

(dim the lights) then she got what she desired, after5years, (disco music) Im back to party! Wooo! Its
time to party!!!Everyones invited!!! Friend: Hey you there ! want to try some of our delictos tablet. You
will feel heaven! What is that? Im curious about that! Itis called party drugs this wont hurt a thing so
chill out! Ok then Ill try some of these wuuu! Gone wild!

Bang!!!Bang!!! Everyone hands up! Hand over your drugs!!!You are caught on act!!! No officer Im
innocentIm still so younglet go of me!(sound effects of imprisonment)

(touching the grills in jail) oh! This could not be! Im in jail! Im hopeless! No one cares for me! Curse this
world I wish I was not born! I wish I was DEAD! Dead! Dead! (crying baby) whats that strange noiseDo
you guys hear that?

Mommy is that you? Mommy?... whaa! What the hell are you? Get off me you freak! (music of cradling
baby) Mommy did you forget me? Its been a while since weve been togetherwhy did you leave me?
You dont love me mommyYou dont!!!

No my child! I just dont know why I shouldnt have let you go but you did mommy!

No! No! no! tell me Im just dreaminget off my sight Anna my dear annaanna Who is that again?!
Anna Im your mother Wha-what? Mama is that you? Why did you leave me! Im alone and Ive been
lonely for many years since all of you were gone!

(mother) Anna every person has a right timehas a right path to liveand has a right experience to be
with Mama I dont know what to do? Yes, you do Anna, you are my daughter, Anna-have faith and have
courage

Anna.. Annaas I stand straight in front of all of you, I gaze at all my mistakes, accept me or notits
time to be me again, as a girl turned into a womanI need to be tough because Im ANNA MARIA
BRUCAL honed for change! Let it be!
Do I Still Have Any Reason to Live?

By: Aid

Name? Maria Anna Rihanna I. Alonzo. Everyone calls me Maria. Not only because it's my first name, but
also because it's what my initials spell out. 18 years of age. I guess it will end in that number. I'm about
to die anyway. I shall cut myself with this razor, or maybe yet jump from the top of this establishment!

Do I still have any reason to live? Everyone sees me as a worthless woman of this world. They say I have
never done anything good. Depressing, isn't it? Why should I carry this heavy burden all throughout my
entire life? Living in this world is like being subjected to eternal damnation. You want to know why it
turned out like this? By looking at your baffled expressions, I can see that you desire to know about my
decision in terminating this life of mine.

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen. Please listen carefully to the story of my life.

People brand me as a juvenile delinquent. I am merely a teenager. Young in both mind and body.
Vulnerable to mistakes and immaturity. In my current state, I am carefree. I swim in the pool of pleasure.
I rarely go to school. You could easily spot me at the nearby street. Smoking, singing at the nearby
videoke machine or just looking at the cute guys passing by.

Parents? Hmm. They exist?! I don't even know that they're there. There was this time when I asked Mom
about my Science assignment.

She answered [GOD]DAMN IT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY PREPARING FOR MY TONG-ITS?!

Yes, she was always busy with Mahjong, Tong-its. Those kinds of games. I asked Dad the same question.

He answered ngrrhh Here's a hundred bucks. Go ask your neighbor or your hot teacher. ngggrrrrhh

Father was drinking with the neighbors, as usual.

I never had the best grades in school. Still in Grade 4, I never really excelled in any part. One time, I was
asked by my teacher to answer a math problem.

Ms. Alonzo! Answer this. 90 divided by 10. My teacher told me.

I couldn't answer. I don't know the answer. I don't know how to get the answer. Hoping for Lady Luck to
save me, I guessed.

19?

Each one of my classmates laughed at my stupidity.

STUPID IDIOT! IT'S 9!

How Dumb of you!! Go home and wash your filthy clothes!
Better yet. Wash your brain
That is, if she has one.
Hysteric laughter filled the small room. I was humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed. Me, the oldest person
of the class, could not even answer a simple mathematical problem.

My teacher yelled You can't even divide 90 by 10! Why bother coming here when you don't even learn?
Just go home worthless imbecile!

That is how my school life's like.

Friends? I have none. Every one of them loathes me. I tried approaching one.

I said with a calm approach. Hi there! Can you be my friend?

She replied HELL NO! I'd rather be fat and ugly than being friends with a stupid girl who can't even
divide 90 by 10

I also asked other people and the replies I got were:

EW.
Why should I?
There is no reason why I should befriend a person like you.
If I were you, I'd take a bath. You look and smell disgusting.

this and that, this and that. Guhh. No one wants to be near me

Each time I hear of such jeers from everyone around me, I weep in depression. What have I done to
deserve this kind of castigation? Why did God forsake everything from me?

Though I may have the face of Nicole Kidman, the body of Scarlett Johanson and the voice of Taylor Swift
(sing Through the Rain), what you see is not always what you get. What I am is a young misled teenage
girl, in need of someone to counsel her, to enlighten her way and to guide her towards the right path.
Throughout my 18 years of living, I have never encountered that someone. I guess, there may be no
reason for me to live. Now, I ask for your judgment.

Honorable judges, teachers, friends... Do I still have any reason to live?

Mother, are you there?)
#1
Mother, are you there? Mother, I'm home. Here, I brought you the bread you
requested. Where are you?
Mom?
Please answer.
Oh, where could she be? I went upstairs, to Mother's bedroom. She must be tired.
Still in bed at 6 pm? Gosh.
I opened the door... only to see Mother lying on the floor. Her blue eyes are
closed. Her wrist had a HUGE cut! Nooo! MOTHER! Mother, wake up! WAKE UP!
Please? I'm too young to lose a mother.
Mom... mom... mom...
*sobs* Mother is dead. *sobs* Now who will watch over me? Who? My father?
NO! NOT MY FATHER! He left us for another woman. A model! A twenty-year-old
Brazilian model who does not look nice, kind or worthy of my trust. She and
Father met, I don't know, eight months ago and since then became crazy for each
other.
Then they got married and abandoned us! US! HER FAMILY! He said he loved
Mother, but he never did. I will not live with that man!
Mother is dead! Now I have nobody! We were happy without Father. I thought
Mother was OK. We would shop and enjoy movie marathons. Jog around the park.
Sing at the karaoke.
I... I thought Mother was strong! But NO! She's dead and I will never see her
again! No, I won't. And the blame is on the man who did this!
Wait and see! I will have my revenge, Mother.
Father brought me home to his... ugh! Wife! And he showed me around the house.
Oh, now I'm beginning to envy him! Envy because he lives in this gigantic
mansion with plenty of housekeepers, cars and money!
Us? Mother and I don't have much. But we have a house and money, since being
a cook in one of the most luxurious restaurants is a proud job, I could say. I go to
school with my lunch and then I walk home.
But look! Father is wealthy and he didn't even bother to help. Don't worry, Mother.
I will have my revenge.
That night, though, something happened. A miracle. Mother appeared before my
eyes and told me to stop. NOT to take revenge, but to forgive.
Oh, Mother! I MISS YOU! She told me she loved me and that she will be there for
me. Always and forever.
I hugged her SO TIGHTLY. *sobs* She made me promise not to hurt Father, so I
did.
But then she disappeared. Mother, where are you? Mother, are you there? Oh,
Mother...

(My father is a monster)

#25
It was supposed to be a wonderful summer. I was so excited! My heart was
pounding with great jubilance! My bags were packed. I was ready to go.
"I can't wait to go to Hawaii! Ugh! I'm so excited! I'm ready to explore Honolulu.
Oh, Honolulu..."
By the time the plane landed, I was the first to get out. The whole family was
smiling but I'm pretty sure I had the biggest smile you'll ever see.
The hotel was huge. Huge! Very huge! I tell you, huuuuge! When we got in our
room, I was ready to go swimming. I grabbed my camera but then ---
"Can I come with you! Please? Mom wants to sleep. She's so exhausted."
"Uh, excuse me? Olivia, I'm also exhausted but I'm making today an exception
since I really want to check out the beaches here in Honolulu. I want to swim.
Now? Leave me alone. Stay here."
Ugh. The difficulties of having a little sister. I need a break. My trip here will help.
This is Hawaii and I'm a photographer so it's important for me to go sightseeing.
I got in the nearest elevator. When I got out, I hurriedly went to the beach which
was just in front of the hotel where my sister, mom and I are staying. This is
going to be the best vacation ever.
"Ouch!"
"Sorry!"
"Olivia, what are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry but I was lonely. Mom was very sleepy. You can't leave me alone like
that. By the way, are mom and dad getting a divorce?"
"What makes you say that?"
"Dad is never home. Does he even know where we are?"
"I'm pretty sure he does. Well, if you're coming with me, you better learn how to
catch up."
"Got it!"
So we did go swimming. It was fun. We were both wet. Even my camera but that
was OK. Suddenly, I saw mom walking our way with tears falling down her eyes.
My sister and I went to her.
"Mom, why are you crying?"
"Let's go home."
"Huh? Where, mommy?"
"Yeah, good question, Olivia. Where, mom? Do you mean the hotel or home...
home?"
"I mean, back home. Where we live. We're taking the next flight tonight. Pack
your things."
"But, mom! You can't do this. It's only been a few hours."
Mom didn't listen though. We were forced to leave Hawaii. Oh, this beautiful
place. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss Hawaii.
We got home several hours later. I didn't speak to mom for days. All I did was
stay home and watch TV. Olivia wasn't allowed to play with her friends. Mom was
acting weird. One day, mom went inside my room.
"Can I come in?"
I didn't respond. She got in anyways so there wasn't any point in replying.
"Are you mad at me?"
Am I mad at her? Why, yes, I am! She ruined my summer. I was very excited about
going to Hawaii. But she... she... ugh!
"Look, I know I haven't been completely honest with you and I'm sorry. The
reason why I shortened our trip was because of your dad. He and I - we're getting
a divorce. I'm really sorry."
Then mom left. Great. Just perfect. My summer was ruined and now my parents
are getting a divorce. My summer is ruined because my parents are getting a
divorce. What more do I have to know?
A few days after mom confessed, she decided to go to the grocery store. I was
left alone in the house with my little sister.
"I knew it mom and dad are getting a divorce. Why do they want to get a divorce?
Did dad cheat on mom?"
"Not now, Olivia."
I went to my room, locked myself in and fell asleep. These past few days have
been very frustrating. I don't even know why mom and dad are getting a divorce.
OK? When I woke up, I heard someone shouting.
"GET OUT OF HERE!"
"They're my kids! I'm not going to hurt them."
"You can and you will. Don't blame anyone for your mistakes. You did this to
yourself. Now please, get out. I SAID GET OUT!"
I went downstairs and saw mom, Olivia and... dad?
Dad?
Dad! It's dad. It's dad. I was about ready to run to him and hug him but then ---
"Psst. Don't show yourself."
"Olivia? Why are you whispering?"
"Mom said dad was a beast. He wants to take us with him. I don't trust him
anymore."
What was going on? Dad? A beast? Whaaat?
As soon as dad left, mom locked the front door. She saw us. She was crying.
"I want the two of you to stay away from him. Don't talk to him anymore. He's not
your dad. He's a monster."
"Mom, do you mean an actual monster or you're describing him as a monster?"
Mom didn't speak. This was getting really creepy. I have goosebumps. I can
promise you that.
"Just don't come near him."
"Is something wrong with him, mom?"
"He's dangerous."
A week later, dad came back. The door was open. Mom was asleep. Then Olivia
and I noticed something different with dad. We were afraid. Dad smiled at us then
he went to mom's room and killed her. He killed mom. He killed her. He killed her.
Dad went to us. He was still grinning.
"Why'd you kill mom?"
"She wouldn't let me see you."
"And why is that?"
"I did something crazy. I went hiking with my colleagues two months ago. There
was an accident and I nearly died but I didn't die. No, I didn't. You see, someone
cursed me and in order to live for eternity, I have to kill my family. It wasn't easy
tracking you down but I found out you went to Hawaii. When I got there, you
already left."
"I don't get it. Mom said you're getting a divorce."
"She said that? Hmmm. Interesting."
"What are you going to do now? Kill us?"
"Yes, I will."
Dad did kill us. He went first with Olivia then me. I didn't see this coming. I didn't
know that I would lose my mom and my sister and that I'll die in vain. I do know
something though.
My father is a monster.
(Hallucinations)
#24
This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.
This... This isn't... This isn't happening. I am not hallucinating. I'm not! I'm not
crazed. I'm not paranoid...
...or am I?
You are paranoid.
No, no. I'm not paranoid! I'm perfectly fine. My mind's OK. I'm thinking straight.
And I've never killed anyone so why ---
You've done it. You've killed her. Don't say, "Never." You murdered an innocent
woman. It's your fault.
No, no, NOOOO. It's not my fault. I didn't kill her. She started it even when we
were kids. She'd pick on me. She'd copy from me. And never once has she
apologized so she deserves to die.
Wait. So you admit that you did kill her? You killed your classmate. Am I right?
I didn't kill her. I only said that she deserves to die. There's a difference. And why
am I even talking to myself? I must be crazy.
So you admit that you are crazy. You've lost your mind. Am I right?
NO! I have not lost my mind. I'm just... I'm probably tired. I must be hallucinating.
So you admit that you are hallucinating?
Well, I --- I don't know. Don't talk to me. Go away.
Go away? How can I go away? I am with you. I am you. The two of us? We're
meant to be. We're inseparable. We're attached to each other. We're connected.
Isn't that wonderful?
Oh, go away! Oh please! Just go away. You're not helping.
I'm trying to help you. I'm telling you that you are crazy for talking to yourself.
And, yes, you are a murderer because that's the truth. You killed your friend out
of jealousy, out of anger, out of stress and out of hatred. She apologized to you
but you didn't forgive her, did you?
I don't know.
You don't know? You hurt her. You tortured her. You made her suffer for hours.
She made me suffer for years! I was 12. I was young. Oh gosh, I'm hallucinating.
This has got to stop.
See? You admitted it!
OK, fine. I killed her. But she deserved it.
Did I? Did I deserve it?
Who said that? Who said that? Answer me.
I did. And I won't stop until I kill you, until the whole world goes against you, until
you cry your hardest, until you bleed to death.
Hold on. How are you alive?
Oh, I am alive. I've been alive in your mind. That day when you stabbed me in my
sleep, that day when you ended my life, that day when you cursed out my name,
that day when you said it was my fault why you turned into this, I died but the
memory of me will always be in your mind.
I'm hallucinating. I'm hallucinating.
You killed me! I said I was sorry. I went to your house to ask for forgiveness. I
told you how guilty I was for ruining your life. It was my fault and I was sorry
but... but you took my life. You are a soulless creature, a merciless human being.
You killed me. You did. But in your eyes, in your mind, I'm alive. Here! I'm really
alive!
Go away!
Oh, poor me. Poor us. See what you did? Is it so hard to tell the police? You know,
she won't go away until you confess. What happened to you guys a few years ago
- that was in the past.
But the past ruined my life. She ruined my life.
I didn't ruin your life. You did.
No, go away. These are just hallucinations. Go away! Stay away from me! Stay
away! Stay away! I said stay away! These are just hallucinations! Hallucinations!
Hallucinations or not, you're a murderer. You dispatched me right after you
stabbed me. I was asleep. But before that, I was in tears. I was sad because you
wouldn't forgive me.
Do you expect me to believe you?
Yes.
Well, I can't. You're dead and I will never be able to bring you back.
Because you killed her. That simple.
I killed her! Yes, I did. But she deserved it. I failed my exams because of her. I
lost the game because of her. I didn't go to prom because of her. I will never
forgive her.
Oh dear...
Like I said, these are just hallucinations! Stay away from me.
The cops are coming.
No, they can't... No. These are hallucinations. The cops aren't coming. They can't
come.
They can come and they will come. You called them yourself. You confessed.
I don't want to go to jail! I'm scared.
So am I! But you did this to yourself.
I must be insane. I must be demented. I must be hallucinating.
Wait. Wait. What is that sound? My heart is pounding so fast. I'm so scared. Is it
the cops? Oh no! No! The cops are here. I'm not hallucinating! I'm going to jail!
No. No!
(My real dream)
#18
My dream is to become a superstar. I want to be famous and live in Hollywood. I
want to be rich, beautiful and talented. I want to have concerts and movies and
guest appearances, which is why I'm auditioning in three talent shows. Maybe
because of that, I'm sure I'll be discovered.
The first talent show I auditioned for was called Search for the Dancing Diva. So I
danced.
Suddenly, I tripped and fell on the floor. In front of the judges, I failed to finish my
performance.
So my name wasn't called.
That's OK. I have two more to look forward to.
The second talent show I participated in was called Finding the Future Drama Queen.
Oh, that's my chance to win home the fame. I can do this.
"Look at me! I am trying to talk to you. Why can't you tell me about it? I thought... I
thought..."
Oh, no! I forgot my lines.
And the judges didn't pick me.
Today's the last talent show I'll join this year. Since the show is called Finding the Next
Superstar, I was supposed to sing. I went to the comfort room and overheard two
women speak.
"Esther's going to win. Everyone knows it."
"I think it's unfair but her dad's the mayor."
I ran out crying and was about ready to go home. It was unfair. I want to win. I want to
be a superstar. But I won't win. That's the truth.
I closed my eyes and prayed.
I've got one last chance to make it. But now I wasn't as determined as I was. Yes, I'm
nervous. Yes, I'm scared yet my family will be watching and I'd rather finish what I
started than come home a loser for not trying.
I heard my name being called out. It's time.
"Let it go. Let it go. And I'll rise like the break of dawn. Let it go. Let it go. That perfect
girl is gone. Here I stand in the light of day. Let the storm rage on. The cold never
bothered me anyway."
When I went backstage, I realized something. I realized that my real dream is to be
happy. It wasn't about winning on any competition. It was about simply enjoying what I
do. Although I didn't win, for the first time in my life, I didn't make a mistake. I'm still
young. I have much to learn. And I'm sure there will be other talent shows that I can join
again next year. I'll look forward to that.

(I'm here)
#17
I'm here. I'm here. Can you hear me? I'm here.
I'm here because I was meant to suffer, meant to feel pain, meant to be hated by
everybody. My family's dead and I have no friends. All I have is... me.
My face has a scar. My life's been cursed and I don't have anyone who I can shed a tear
to. My heart's been locked and I can't find the key to unlock it.
Help me. Oh, please! Help me. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this at all. I mean, all
I want everyone to know is that I'm here. THAT'S ALL! That's all I want.
My voice is loud. I'm screaming to the fullest, yelling to the highest, shouting to the
biggest but sadly no one can hear me.
But I'm here! I'm here and I deserve to be heard. I deserved to be heard because no one
would ever listen to me. It's probably because of my skin, my hair, my attitude. It's
probably because of the way I speak, the way I listen, the way I understand yet that
doesn't give anyone the right to murder my family or to destroy my relationship with my
friends.
I'm walking alone as a monster to my neighbors. I'm strolling around the park without
anyone to talk to. My world is a mess and I don't know why this had to happen and how
it happened.
Was it me? Or was I being gossiped? Was it me again? Or was I being punished?
Hello? Can you hear me? I'm here. I'm telling you. I'm here. I'm looking at you. I'm here.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm HERE!
You need to listen to me. You have to listen to me. You need to understand that I need
someone to understand me. I can't go on spending the rest of my life feeling
abandoned, feeling lost, feeling misinterpreted, feeling... feeling upset.
I deserve to get the attention that I do deserve. I need you to look at me. I need
someone's guidance. I need to be protected, to be taken care of, to be sheltered, to be
loved. I need it all.
Help me. I'm right here. Can you hear me? I'm here! I'm right here. I'm here!

(Forever and always)

#14
She used to braid my hair anyway I want.
"What do you want, sweetie? French? Fishtail? Waterfall?"
"Fishtail, mommy. Please?"
"OK."
She would teach me how to bake anything and everything from red velvet cupcakes to
blueberry cheesecake to chocolate chip cookies and even raspberry pies.
She used to watch princess movies with me. She'd be my fairy godmother and I'd be
Cinderella. I'd play Snow White and she'd play the Evil Stepmother.
But she's not evil. She's a very nice woman. She would always be present in all my
games and the events I was invited to participate in. I watched her as she'd watch me.
She'd be taking pictures of us. I'd draw things for her. Although it was all epic, she'd tell
me, "You're going to be an artist someday."
Will I? I believe I might because my mother tells me everyday and everyday she'd cook
me breakfast and everyday she'd ask me how my day was. I would respond, "Everything
is perfect because you're here with me."
But now she's not with me. She's old. She's aged. I'm staring at her graveyard. My
mother, the woman who was with me, the woman who has seen me in tears, the woman
who raised me without a father because he left us for a model, the woman who fought
for me, the woman who told me never to mourn about men who don't want me, died.
I'm left with no one to watch out for me. I'm left with a career - I'm an artist. And I'm left
with a daughter in my womb. I plan to name her after my mother.
One day, I will tell my princess about a queen who was both beautiful and talented.
She's smart. Have a forgot to mention that she's a lawyer? She's also a singer - MY
singer - which is why I love to sing.
She's a dancer, a straight-A student, a friend to everyone and a cheerleader to her only
daughter, the only person she called her own. And that person is me.
I miss my mom but I'll always have her. She passed away a week ago and I'm still trying
to find a way to move on because I know that's what my mother would want me to do.
I'm going to be a mom and I'm going to do everything my mother used to do for me.
Mom, thank you for all the sacrifices you did to take care of me. I miss you. I'll always
love you. Forever and always.

(I am who I am)
#10
They don't understand me but I am who I am. I'm a happy person with a happy
life and living in a happy home. I'm also beautiful, not through appearance but
through what's in me. I live in a beautiful home with a beautiful family and a
beautiful community. I grew up in a neighborhood full of beautiful words and
guidelines that are considered, well, beautiful! And nobody can deny that I am
who I am.
When I go to school, even though it's raining, even though our teacher yells at us, even
though I rush into class late, I still smile because I know that something good will turn
out right.
People who don't know how to move on don't know how to let go. They don't know how
to handle reality but I do. I do because when I forgive - and listen carefully to what I'm
about to say! When I forgive, I forget.
I guess being positive is how people see me. Maybe that's why I have lots of friends.
Maybe that's why it's hard for others to come up with sad things to say to me. Yes, I do
cry. Yes, I have my doubts every now and then. And, yes, I get mad but I can't seem to
handle getting upset with someone for so long.
If my friend breaks a promise and apologizes, no matter what my friend did, I will
always find the heart to forgive him... or her.
I know others find it very hard to let go of the hatred they have in their hearts and
minds and I have nothing against that. In fact, I understand them. Still, I'm not
judgmental so I easily forgive. That's how being amicable became part of how people
would define me.
I know someday I'll be hurt by someone. I'm actually prepared for that. Perhaps, one of
my siblings or perhaps one of my friends would betray me yet I am who I am and I know
how to be resilient.
Having the courage to be able to remove the pain I have in my heart made it easier for
me to live life the way I want it to be. SO BE STRONG! You can hate all you want but be
a man and mature. Be a woman and smile to your haters so they will know that what
they bashed unto you didn't bother you at all. In fact, it made you braver, stronger and
smarter.
We can all let go. We can all forgive. Just think positive and learn to respect others the
same way I did. And you know what? I still am doing that because I know I'll regret it for
the rest of my life if I decided to forgive someone but it's already too late!
So take me as an example and please try to be considerate. Everyone makes mistakes.
Learn to be a human. YOU have the chance to make things right. If I can do it, then so
can you. And if others question why you behave the way you are, then tell them what I
always tell others, "I am who I am."

(It was time)

#27
I had to tell him, man. I had to. I needed to. It was time.
It was time for me to be honest about how I feel. That's why I did that. That's
why I wrote that poem. That's why I gave it to him.
I can't take what I'm feeling for much longer. I simply had to tell him. I told him I
loved him and didn't wait for him to say anything else because I knew what he
was going to say. I knew that he would say no. I knew that he wasn't interested.
He isn't interested. And he will never be interested.
I told him this:
"I've loved you for so long.
I don't know what else to say.
I feel that it is wrong
if I start with, 'Hey.'
Now, you know that you're the guy I was always referring to
and I'm sorry because I love you."
It was too much for me to handle. I simply had to declare it. Yes, I know I don't
have the charms. I also know I don't have the body. But my love for him can last
for eternity.
I love him. It was time for me to say it. It was time.
Yes, I understand that he's attracted to girls I don't have a chance with and that,
my friend, is a painful thing to accept but I've learned to deal with it. I've learned
not to mess with the other foot. I know my boundaries.
I know it.
I just know it.
But it was time for me to let out that girl who has been in love with him since the
day I met him. I had to tell him that I needed him in my arms, that I needed to
hear "I'm in love with you" rather than "I love you."
My life isn't perfect. The sea is prettier than me. The rainbow is more colorful
than my heart. The sun is brighter than my eyes but that is me and that will
always be me.
I never meant for things to get all awkward with us. I never meant for that to
happen. But it wasn't my fault that I fell in love with him. I fell in love with the
only classmate who actually remembers me, who actually cares for me, who
actually considers me as his friend.
However, it was time.
I confessed. I was honest. I stopped lying for the sake of honesty and for the
sake of our friendship. He was too good for me.
My friend, I love him so much. It's too bad he'll never love me. He'll never want
me. He'll never care and he never will.
I am just the girl with the boring looks. I am short. But I am doing well in school. I
am a stick-to-one person. So why can't he be attracted to me? Simple: because I
am not good enough.
I am not that white. I am not that tall. I am not that skinny and I am not that
clean. My family is pressuring me. I have anger issues. I don't know how to
control myself.At least, I learned how to hold back my emotions when I'm around
him.
At least, my intentions are clear and clean. I only want what's best for him. And if
I'm not good enough, then I'M SORRY!
At least, I became really honest with him because that's what you wanted, right?
For me to be honest to him? Right? My friend... My friend...
Right... Right...
Oh, who am I kidding? No one will ever love me. And even if I tried finding
someone who becomes infatuated with me, I will not give him a try because that
person isn't the guy I've fallen in love with. That person isn't the classmate I
tried taking pictures of when he's not looking. That person isn't the guy of my
dreams.
But... yes... my friend... it was time for me to tell him. It was time.