I use my strength responsibly.

Kizhaay I am
Anishinaabe Niin a Kind Man

YOUNG PEOPLES INITIATIVE

To Encourage Young People to Learn About Healthy Equal Relationships 1
 Kizhaay Anishinaabe Niin: I am a Kind Man

Young Peoples Initiative

To Encourage Young People to Learn About
Healthy Equal Relationships

Funded by the Government of Ontario Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres

www.ofifc.org

2 3
 Kizhaay Anishnawbe Niin: I am a Kind Man
YOUNG PEOPLES INITIATIVE

To Encourage Young People to Learn About Healthy Equal

Relationships

Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres (OFIFC)

219 Front Street East,
Toronto, Ontario M5A 1E8
Tel. (416) 956-7575
Fax (416) 956-7577

www.ofifc.org

Copyright 2008
Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres (OFIFC)

Sharon Reynolds
4 5
 Acknowledgements

The name of this Toolkit, Kizhaay Anishnaabe Niin, was offered by Sandra
Kakeeway. It is the name of the Aboriginal Mens Violence program in
Thunder Bay. It was named by the Old Man, an Elder who recently has
journeyed to the spirit world and who understood the responsibility of men
and honoured mens traditional role in family and community.
Kizhaay Anishinaabe Niin (an Ojibway phrase) translates to I am a Kind
Man, guiding us throughout this project to understand how to engage
young people to speak out against violence and abuse toward women
in Aboriginal communities and inform themselves of healthy and equal
relationships.
When we give this gift of self-reliance to our young men, we give the greatest
gift of all. The ability to move in the world with ease and confidence and to know
they can have a positive impact on their families, interpersonal relationships
and be part of a community of change. This can be done by speaking up and
patiently modeling positive and inclusive behaviour to our young men, or simply
taking the time to be a friend to a young person. The knowledge we have only
needs to be re-learned. It has been forgotten but not totally lost. This is how the
leaders of tomorrow are built by starting here in our private circle of influence,
watching as our influence ripples outward reinforcing those males of tomorrow
who Use their strength with responsibility.

This Toolkit is dedicated to all the young people in Aboriginal society

today for they are our future. We are all involved in their development
and are responsible for how our young people grow and expand into their
full potential. It can be as simple as touching a young persons life for
one moment of one day, or listening to their stories or dreams that can
transform a current life path of hurt and pain into one of self reliance and
responsibility.

It is our way to share the responsibility of learning and teaching within

our societies even if a young person may not be a blood relative. We
come from a community of close communal living which means in order
to survive everyone lived as unique individuals committed to the whole
community at large. Role modeling was very important and males were
shown acceptable behaviour for being in harmony with community; this
involved accountability (being responsible for actions) and being in touch
with his environment (emotionally connected and being at ease with that
connection). These ways were modeled to young boys by; male family
members, fathers, uncles or grandparents, all older male community
members took part in this learning/teaching relationship.

6 7
 Activities

27 Wisdom: Understanding and Identifying the

Table of Contents
10 About This Kit
11 Roles and Responsibilities of
Young Men
13 Exploring the Issues
14 Types of Abuse
16 A Community of Change
20 Wellness Wheel
21 Healthy and Equal Relationships
22 Your Role as Mentor
22 Creating Safety Within the Group
23 Using Traditional Ways in Workshops
25 Seven Activities For Boys and Youth
26 The Seven Grandfathers Teachings
Many Forms of Violence
31 Love: What are Healthy and Equal
Relationships?
35 Respect: Understanding Boundaries
41 Bravery: Positive Role Models
47 Honesty: Accepting Responsibility
53 Humility: Awareness of Self
59 Truth: Creating Positive Change
Handouts
65 How to Help
67 Where to go for Help
68 Tips for Boys
69 Tips for Girls
70 The Clan System
72 Inspired Writings
Resources
77 Additional Activities
78 Websites
80 Books and Videos

81 References

8 9
About This Kit Roles and Responsibilities of Young Men

The overall purpose of this initiative is to engage and educate the young people
of our communities to speak out against all forms of abuse toward Aboriginal
women and girls.
1. To provide education for young people to help them identify issues of
abuse against Aboriginal women and girls.
2. To re-educate young people about traditional responsibilities by learning
that our teachings have never condoned violence toward Aboriginal
women and girls.
3. To inspire young men and boys to engage others to get involved and stop
abuse.
4. To support Aboriginal young people who choose to treat women and girls
with equality.
by Jake Swamp
As men we are trying to send a message that we are to model our
behaviour to that of the sun. The sun rises early in the east every
morning, which serves as an indicator that we are steady in our work
and our responsibilities. We rise in the morning to go to work for
example, hunt or do whatever it is that we need to do.
So we explain to the men we work with that we can imitate the
suns work, which is a male figure. We copy the sun by fulfilling our
responsibility everyday to protect our family and all life. The sun and
man have been given the strength to do this.
(Adapted from the Kanawayhitowin Training Video, www.kanawayhitowin.ca)

The project logo was derived from the White Ribbon Campaigns
logo. We chose to circle the ribbon with sweetgrass. Sweetgrass
is a sacred medicine and through its many teachings, we begin to
understand the meaning of kindness towards oneself and others.
www.whiteribbon.ca

10 11
 Exploring the Issues
What we know about Abusive Behavior

As First Nations people, Abusive Behavior is not our

original way of relating to each other, whether it be
to our friends, family members, between man and
woman, boy or girl. This behavior has been learned
from influences outside our own over many years,
so we have forgotten our original cultural teachings
around relating to each other with kindness and
respect. Over time these negative messages have
come from residential schools, historical influences,
the media and advertising on television. These
messages can become part of who we are without
us realizing it. These ways of behaving have to do
with the way men and women can sometimes treat
each other.

12 13
Types of Abuse
There are different types of abusive behavior in relationships. Here are some
examples of what that might look like.
Physical Abuse:
is when a person touches you with an intention to hurt you or cause pain. Some
examples are; by pushing, pinching, biting, pulling hair, choking, kicking, or using
a weapon or other item to hurt or restrain you.
Emotional or Verbal Abuse:
is when a person says something or does something that makes you afraid or
feel bad about yourself. This can include being yelled at or embarrassed in front
of others, someone telling you what to do, being ignored, someone saying mean
things about your family or friends, being told what you can and cannot wear and
threatening to hurt you or themselves. If you are being pressured to use alcohol,
drugs or any other form of substance to get high, this is also a form of abuse as
is keeping you from spending time with friends or family.
Other Abuse:
can happen when a person touches you or makes you touch them in a way that
feels uncomfortable. This may include kissing or forcing you to touch the other
persons private body parts or your own private body parts. It can occur when
a person has any sexual contact with you that you do not want. You may have
said no or been unable to say no because you were tricked or the other person
has threatened you or stopped you from being able to leave the situation. Sexual
Abuse is when people are saying or doing sexual things that you dont feel
comfortable with or dont want.
14
Sometimes being a witness or participant to violence or unequal behavior can
affect the choices we may make in the future. Other forms of violence that young
people may be subjected to are:
Bullying and cyber bullying: Bullying can happen either online (email, text
message) or in person but can take on the following effects. Someone may
try to hurt or scare another person on purpose who many have a difficult time
defending themselves, they may either be smaller physically or shy. This can
be done (again online or in person) with rumor spreading or name-calling, taking
away something that is important to you. This type of violence is usually on-
going with the threat of future attacks. Bullies have often been hurt themselves.
The behaviour that starts out as bullying can continue into adult life and can lead
to the person losing their job, family or freedom (spending time in prison). Please
refer to websites in the back of this manual for more information on bullying.
Stalking: Following someone, unwanted emailing or text messages, constantly
entering someones life or space without their permission.
Swarming: Is when a group of youth (very often between the ages of twelve to
sixteen) ranging in numbers from six to twenty five overpower one or two people
and physically harm, rob or frighten them.
Dating Violence: Any kind of emotional, physical or sexual abuse when the male
and female are in a dating relationship. This can include putting drugs in a girls
drink, that can make her black out or do things that she doesnt want to do.
While she is on this drug a young man could abuse her in a sexual/physical way
without her permission.
Media Violence: When Aboriginal people are represented negatively in the media
(also called stereotypes) this can lead to low self esteem and contribute to the
loss of cultural identity for young native men and women.
Racism: Being treated differently, (usually negatively) because of ones race, skin
colour, cultural and religious beliefs.
15
The Aboriginal Community is a Community of Change Sharon Reynolds In 1996, more than 50,000 or 25% of
Registered Indian children lived in single mother
It is especially important to initiate change within our communities at this time. families, compared to 14% of non-Aboriginal
It is crucial that our communities progress at a rate which ensures all of our children. Young Aboriginal women, 15-24
children can grow up with equal opportunities so they can advance and feel they years old, are more than three times as likely
can impact their environment positively. They can do this by living in safety and to be single mothers as other young Canadian
with the support of males in their communities. Strong male role modeling is women. (Aboriginal Single Mothers in Canada,
needed and it is especially needed when our men are children, so they do not 1996 A Statistical Profile. Prologica Research
live a life of poverty, isolation, violence and desperation. Inc. June 2001).

The following does not have to be our future if we speak up and take care Aboriginal children in Canada are one of the
of each other. Healthy and equal relationships support growth for the child. most vulnerable populations in Canada. Over
Knowing a male will be present their whole lives is an important responsibility and 40% of off-reserve children live in poverty.
one that should be taken seriously. (Whats Right For Some. A Portrait of Canadas First Generation Growing Up
Under The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. UNICEF. 2007. P 20-21).
The Aboriginal population in
Canada is growing at a rate much Aboriginal youth were almost eight times more likely to be incarcerated (spend
faster than that of the non-Aboriginal time in jail) compared to their non-Aboriginal counterparts. (Jeff Latimer and
population. Statistics Canada Laura Casey-Foss, A One-Day Snapshot of Aboriginal Youth in Custody Across
estimates that the Aboriginal Canada: Phase II, Department of Justice Canada, Youth Justice Research,
population aged 0-14 will grow to February 2004, p. iii)
7.4% of the total Canadian child
population by the year 2017. It is Suicide rates are five to six times higher for First Nations youth than for non-
now at 6%. (First Nations, Mtis Aboriginal youth. Suicide rates among Inuit youth are among the highest in the
and Inuit Children and Youth: Time world, at 11 times the national average. (First Nations, Mtis and Inuit Children
to Act. National Council of Welfare and Youth: Time to Act. National Council of Welfare Reports. Fall 2007. Volume
Reports. Fall 2007. Volume 127. P. 127. p. 64).
12).
In an OFIFC (Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres) study, 62% of
Aboriginal youth indicated they were sexually active by the age of 16. (Tenuous
Connections, OFIFC, 2002. P. 11).

Aboriginal people in general continue to be over-represented in rates of HIV

and are infected at a younger age compared to non-Aboriginal persons. (First
Nations, Mtis and Inuit Children and Youth: Time to Act. National Council of
Bonny Cann Welfare Reports. Fall 2007. Volume 127. P. 63).

16 17
 Healthy and Equal Relationships
Culturally we previously had the knowledge of
healthy equal relationships but lost it through
the generations. Some of us have grown up in
an environment where this was not shown to us.
Fortunately with some patience and effort these
values can be relearned - especially when we go
back to the teachings of our grandmothers and
grandfathers.

I embrace my responsibility.

Bernard Leroux
18 19
 Wellness Wheel Examples of Healthy and Equal Relationships

You have examples of healthy relationships in your life, perhaps with your
brothers, sisters, parents, grandparent or even a teacher that notices your special
talents. The best relationships are the ones that are balanced and are promoting
wellness for all.

In balanced relationships:
Northern Direction (spiritual)
Both boys and girls feel important and are treated as equals.
Trusting that within myself is the strength to have a healthy relationship.
Using the culture and medicines to learn about healthy ways of relating.
I can speak the truth with an open heart.
Taking time for and developing a relationship with myself.

Western Direction (emotional)

It is safe to share my feelings and know you l will be listened to.
Listening to her when she shares her feelings.
Having healthy boundaries.
It feels good to have someone like me the way I am.
Being there for my friend when she feels sad.

Eastern Direction (physical)

Getting the permission of my friend or girlfriend before hugging her or touching her.
Learning from healthy role models how to be kind to her.
I can admire her beauty.
I can give her space to grow and discover herself.

Southern Direction (mental)

My ideas are important. Like when I make suggestions of activities to do with my
family or friends.
Taking the time to know her.
Talking things out calmly without raising my voice.
I stop and think before I do or say anything to harm or hurt her or my friend.
I learn to listen to myself and the new ways of relating I am learning.
When I share my thoughts with someone, I could learn a lot and even make a
new friend.
20 21
Your Role as Mentor Using Traditional Ways in Workshops

Young men and boys more than anyone are the target of negative outside
influences about women and relationships because they are vulnerable to such
messages at a time when their ideas about masculinity are just being shaped. It
is important to give them healthy role models and for them to talk about and have
their concerns listened to at this time in their lives. It is also important that they
feel they are part of a community of change.
Young boys may have no older men in their lives to model healthy behaviours
for them and many have shut down their capacity to feel or talk about what is
bothering them. Traditionally boys learned by having skills modeled to them by
example by men, elders, and fathers in their communities. Those male figures
are absent for many of our young Aboriginal men in contemporary society today.
Creating Safety Within the Group
Smudging
Smudging can be done before beginning group activities, especially when sharing
amongst the group. Medicines can be used to focus participants and clear negative
thoughts. The most common medicine used for this is sage, but cedar or sweetgrass
can also be used. Most people use a shell to burn the sage in but any fireproof
container will do, as long as its clean of other items. Treat the medicines with
respect for best results. Light the sage and get it to smoke or smolder, then bring the
smoke in toward the body. The best places to direct the smoke is over the openings
of the head (mouth, nose, eyes, ears) and finally the heart. It might be helpful to
demonstrate to the young people first who may have never smudged before. One
can light the end of a sweetgrass braid and again bring the smoke over these areas
to help focus the individual and clear negativity. This also helps to promote openness
to the topics you may be discussing.

Creating guidelines during activities: before beginning any group discussion its Talking Stick
good to ask the young people to come up with their own ground rules. What do
they need from you as a mentor and from each other to create safety within the It can be fun to use time together to create your own talking stick for your activities.
group environment? Do they need confidentiality for what is been discussed? It should be colorful or friendly looking to the participants. Often people decorate
Do they need each person to speak when its their turn (i.e. Talking Stick tool)? them with beads or perhaps a feather.
Perhaps suggesting that people may pass if they do not wish to speak. Welcome Remember if you use a feather (like an
differences and value diversity. It is good to come up with only a few guidelines eagle or hawk feather) this becomes a
so the young people do not hold back from speaking. sacred item and must be taken care of
and treated with respect, wrapped up in a
Model what is being taught: When teaching young people, it is important to model piece of cloth after use and kept in a safe
the behaviour thats being talked about. Young people learn most by observing place. The talking stick can be passed
and they absorb a great deal of what is going on around them. Placing people in around when people are talking in a group
a circle shows equality and encourages everyone to engage with each other. Try setting and is used as a sign that the
to keep what is being discussed on a positive note (try not to get defensive) and person holding the stick is to be listened to
exhibit good listening skills. with respect and that everyone gets their
turn to speak. There is the option to pass
the talking stick to the next person if a
person does not wish to share. A talking
stick can be a wonderful tool to help
keep the group energy moving.
22 23
Elders and Traditional Teachers

Elders and Traditional people can provide important support and role modeling
for younger men. When asking an Elder to give a teaching or provide support for
any of your activities, its important to give tobacco when asking this person, to
show respect. It is good to present to the elder a specific topic or idea that you
Seven Activities for Boys and Youth
wish to have covered or be supported in your activities. Be clear about what you
These activities have been designed in order that young
need from this person and patiently ask for their assistance (possible teachings
people can learn and have fun at the same time. Encourage
around the medicine wheel could be one idea). If they cannot help you ask if
the young people to be creative. These workshops are
they know someone else who would be willing to help. Our elders are a precious
designed to be flexible. The activities can be used during a
resource and sometimes
fishing or camping trip (for urban youth) with older men who
the last remaining

Bernard Leroux
enjoy the experience and can mentor the boys and youth.
keepers of important
For youth on the reserve attending a sporting event or a trip
knowledge from the
to the city can be interesting, again like the urban youth with

Sharon Reynolds
past. These people may
older men who can model healthy male behaviors. Support
need to be provided
the young people to tell their own stories and to express their
with transportation to
needs when running the activities. Its important to keep in
and from your activities
mind the purpose of these activities are;
and assisted with
any physical needs
To educate and engage young people to treat each other
they might have while
with equality and respect in relationships.
they are with you
(food, water, tea or a
To cause young people to think about their own behavior
comfortable chair to
and make changes.
sit in). A great way to
support a young person
To inspire young people to speak up about abusive
is to assign that person
behavior and encourage each other to make a
to be the elders helper
commitment to end it by using their strength wisely and
while the Traditional
creatively.
Teacher is with you for
the day.

Bonny Cann
Joseph Morrison - Elder
Anishnaabeg of Naongashiing First Nation
24 25
 The Seven Grandfathers

The Creator gave the seven Grandfathers, who were very powerful spirits, the
responsibility to watch over the people. The Grandfathers saw that the people
were living a hard life. They sent their helper six different times to find a person
who could be taught how to live in a good way with all of creation. Finally the
seven Grandfathers helper found a baby boy, who because he was just born
was pure enough to receive the teachings and bring these teachings back to the
people. The Grandfathers were happy with the choice made by the helper. The
baby boy is a symbol to people that it is important to start early when educating The First Teaching
our young people and that they are already beginning to learn at a very young
age. Babies are still very connected to the spirit world and understand this Wisdom There are different forms of violence. We
connection, which can be lost when people become adults.
will learn about them here and gain understanding
While the boy was traveling with the helper they were visited seven times by in how to make changes in our ways.
spirits who told them about the gifts. Here is what they said:
Wisdom is to learn and make it a habit to treat boys,
To cherish knowledge is to know wisdom; girls and each other equally.
To know love is to know peace;
To honour all of Creation is to have respect;
Bravery is to face the foe with integrity;
To Cherish Knowledge Is To Know
Honesty in facing a situation is to be brave; Wisdom
Humility is to know your self as a sacred part of Creation;
Truth is to know all of these things.

The young boy was then put in the care of Otter who was to return the boy to
his people to teach them what he had learned. The boy, because of all the time
spent in the spirit world, was now an old man. The Old Man gathered all the
people around and told them of his journey to the seven Grandfathers lodge. He
explained how to use the gifts. He explained that the opposite of any of the gifts
would bring a negative result of that gift. It was now up to the people to try follow
the path of a good and healthy life using the seven Grandfathers teachings.

From page 35 I am a Kind Man Community Action Kit, 2006, compiled originally from The
Mishomis Book, Edward Benton-Banai, 1988

26 27
The First Activity
Wisdom North

(Ages 8 to 14) West East

E. On another flipchart paper, draw a large outer circle and then a smaller circle
on the inside. Label the large circle family or community and the smaller
South

circle as self.
Purpose: F. Ask the group to identify some actions that may lead to abuse or violence.
1. To create awareness of the different types of violence and abuse Examples include fighting with a brother or sister, picking on a weaker child
2. To provide a safe environment to discuss these topics at school, getting people to do or say things they normally wouldnt etc. Write
these answers down around the smaller circle labeled self.
Materials required: G. Hand out the index cards to participants and ask them to post the cards
Smudging bowl, sage or sweetgrass on the medicine wheel where they think these types of unhealthy ways of
Masking tape relating belong (physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally).
Flipchart paper H. Close the circle by passing around a candle and asking participants as they
Marker hold the candle to share a positive desire for the future for themselves from
Candle what they learned in the activity today. What I wish for the future.
Index cards

Description:
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
smudge if they wish.
C. Draw Medicine Wheel (with each direction labeled with the proper heading
physical, emotional, spiritual and mental), post on the wall before the
workshop begins. Write on index cards ahead of time the different types of
abuse as listed on pages 14-15.
D. Start with a group discussion about what the participants think violence
or abuse is (in the family or community at large). Write down answers on
flipchart paper. Mentor shares what he or she knows about violence and
abuse under the headings Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Emotional Abuse.
Post these answers on the wall.

Sharon Reynolds

28 29
 The Second Teaching
Love To live with love is to identify what healthy
and equal relationships are and to experience that
with self and others.

To Love is being able to give and receive love

equally.

To Love Is To Know Peace

I respect his mother.

Bernard Leroux
30 31
The Second Activity E. Under each of the headings, ask participants to describe the attributes of a
healthy and equal relationship, using the wellness wheel as a reference on
Love North

page 20.
(Ages 8 to 14) West East

F. Some questions to ask might be: How do you think a friend would like to be
treated based on your own experience? What is a good way to find out how
South

your friend is feeling? List for the young people some healthy ways of relating
to another based on the Wellness Wheel (page 20-21).
Purpose:
1. To create awareness and experience the qualities of self love
Script for Guided Meditation (about 10 minutes in length)
2. To create a wellness wheel of healthy, equal relationship qualities, using the
medicine wheel
Sit and make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes and pay attention to your in
and out breath. Count up to three on your in breath and back down to three on
Materials required:
your out breath. Breathe like this for three more breaths.
Smudging bowl, sage or sweet grass
Masking tape
Go back to a time that you felt good, or a place where you feel safe and that you
Flipchart paper
can be yourself. Perhaps you have a friend, family member or pet that loved
Marker
you or showed you kindness. Build up the good feelings between yourself and
A CD or tape player
a pet, loved one or place in nature where you feel at peace and you feel most
Soft music with no singing (Mellow music, or environmental sounds, water
comfortable. See the images of peace around you, feel the good feelings as you
etc.)
share your thoughts with another and that person listens to you with kindness.
Or pet your favourite animal gently. Sit in the place where you feel most at peace
Description:
and allow yourself to take in the beauty that surrounds you, the colours of a
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
sunset, the sunshine on your face or a light breeze on your skin. Let the good
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
feelings build up and try to relax. Let the good feelings come into your body,
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
mind and heart.
smudge if they wish.
C. Guide participants into a guided meditation/visualization taking them to
(Note to mentor: Give this some time. Allow some pauses between the
a safe place (of their choice) where they will experience all the pleasant
sentences so they can get into the images and feelings).
sensations of being in that physical space - emotionally, physically, spiritually
and mentally. Make sure to build up the sensation of relaxation using all
Now we are going to come back into the room from your safe place. I am going
the senses. Refer to script provided for your use, which can be added to or
to count slowly backwards from ten and when I finish you are going to be present
changed (be creative).
in the room. Ten, nine, eight, (Now stretch and wiggle your fingers and toes)
D. After everyone has come back into the room, post four pieces of flipchart
seven, six, five (Ok you should start to come into the room), four, three, two and
paper around the room with the headings Mental, Emotional, Spiritual and
one.
Physical. Briefly describe that these are the four aspects of our human
experience and are part of the medicine wheel. Ask participants to talk about
how the experience of the visualization was for them.

32 33
 The Third Teaching
Respect Respect is about understanding the
boundaries that exist between ourselves and
others.

Respect is about listening to girls and women and

honouring them as a sacred part of creation.

To Honour All Of Creation Is To Have

Respect

34 35
The Third Activity E. Encourage participants to further discuss the following:
Respect North

What do you think decides the distance that we place ourselves at from other
(Ages 8 to 14) West East

people i.e. spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically?

How is physical closeness shown in your community/culture, or in the
South

mainstream community at large?

Purpose:
1. To create awareness of what is a healthy boundary
2. To provide a safe environment to discuss these topics
Materials required:
Smudging bowl, sage or sweetgrass
Masking tape
Flipchart paper
Marker
Description (Ages 8 to 14)
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
smudge if they wish.
C. Begin with the group forming a circle in the room. Ask the participants not to
touch each other and be silent during the exercise. Ask them to move toward
the center of the circle step by step following the mentors direction. The
mentor calls out in intervals for individuals to take one step toward the centre
of the circle, Take one step toward the centre, take another step. The
mentor continues calling these directions, asking participants to stop at the
time when they feel uncomfortable.
D. Ask the group to discuss the following topics: How did you feel when we
began the exercise? Once it got going? How did you feel once you stopped
stepping forward? When others stopped?
Part 2
F. Divide the group into pairs. Each pair decides who is A and who is B. Give
each pair two pieces of flipchart paper.
G. Have them tape the two pieces of flipchart paper to each other end to end.
Lay the paper on the floor labeling one side A, then direct each person to
stand at opposite ends of the paper with their toes touching the ends of the
paper.
H. Ask the Bs to begin moving slowly (one step at a time) toward the As.
A then tells B to stop when the distance between them feels comfortable.
The As may instruct the Bs to move forward and backward until this is
resolved. A traces Bs toes on the paper.
I. The flipchart paper is then turned over and is labeled side B. Repeat the
process above reversing the roles of A and B so that B gets a chance to find
out his or her comfortable distance.
J. Bring the group back in a circle and discuss or write answers on flipchart.
The main teaching of this activity is to demonstrate that young people have
the ability to say, No and that Stop means stop when we are interacting
with others.
Discuss the following:
How did this feel when you were the one controlling the distance? Or the one
being directed to move forward and backward until you were stopped?
How do you think this applies when listening to your friend ask for his or her
boundaries to be respected?
How would this apply when asking for your own safe distance or what you feel
comfortable with family, friend, teacher, stranger, compare?
What issues does this bring up around healthy and equal relationships? What
would that look like?

36 37
White Buffalo Woman Brings the Pipe (Lakota)
Two young men were hunting when a beautiful woman came toward them. She
wore all white buckskin and had a bundle on her back. One of the young men
began to have lustful thoughts of her, but when he told his friend he answered
only that he must not have such thoughts because this woman had to be wakan
(sacred). As she came closer, they could see she shone and the lustful young
man wanted her. The youth who had lustful thoughts went to her. At once a
great mist arose and when it died down there was nothing left of him but his
bones.
Now she spoke to the youth that had respected her coming. Return to your
people and tell your chief to prepare a large tipi. Here he must gather the people
and wait for my coming. I must tell you something of great importance to your
people. When he returned the young man told the chief, that is all he was told.
The chief took down three tipis and they made one great tipi where all his people
could gather.
A person was sent out to gather all the people. They wore their best robes and
buckskin and waited for the holy woman. Soon the youth who had been given the
task of watching for the wakan woman announced that they could see something
in the distance. Suddenly she was in the lodge and she walked around sun-wise
toward the chief.
She took a bundle from her back and holding it with both hands in front of the
chief she said, Behold this gift I give you and always love it, it is lela wakan (very
sacred) and must be treated with respect. She took the pipe from the bundle,
No impure man can see this and you will send your voices to your grandfather,
Wakan Tanka. The bowl of the pipe is of the earth. Your Mother. The stem is of
wood and represents all that stands upon the earth. And the twelve feathers
that hang from it are of the Spotted Eagle, and they represent the eagle and all
the winged creatures of the air. When you smoke from the pipe, all these things
are joined and together you send your voices to the Great Mystery (Wakan
Tanka). She then showed the people how to use the pipe and the way to pray
38
with it. Behold this pipe! Always remember how sacred it is and treat it as such.
Remember in me there are four ages and I will look back upon your people in
every age, and one day I will return.
Moving around the lodge in a sun-wise manner she
left, but after walking a short way she turned toward the
people and sat down. When she arose she was a red
calf and brown. Then she walked a little further and
sat down again. This time she became a white buffalo.
She set off again only to stop and roll on the ground.
Now she had become a black buffalo. This buffalo then
walked further away from the people, and after bowing
to each direction, disappeared. Since then the Lakota
have used the pipe. Sharon Reynolds
Lakota oral teaching; from, Inside the Circle: Kehewin Native Educational Manual compiled by
Rosa John.
Questions to ask group after reading White Buffalo Woman story:
What was brought to the people by respecting White Buffalo Calf Womans
boundaries?
Encourage participants to set a goal for themselves around acknowledging their
own boundaries and acknowledging the boundaries that others may ask of them.
39
 The Fourth Teaching
Bravery Bravery is about the courage it takes
to confront and examine outer influences to our
behaviour.

We will learn about men and boys original

responsibilities.

Bravery Is To Face The Foe With Integrity

I choose a good life with her.

Bernard Leroux

40 41
The Fourth Activity influenced them from the media (an athlete or artist). After they have
completed their hands, ask participants if anyone would like to individually
Bravery North

share their story relating to one of the people they have selected as their
(Ages 8 to 14)
positive role model.
West East

South

F. Ways to practice positive role modeling, for yourself or to help another.

Call 911 if you or someone else is in danger.
Purpose:
If you are worried about someone, talk to someone you trust about it.
1. To use the medicine wheel to examine how to achieve balance
Treat everyone the way you yourself would like to be treated.
2. To learn about our original responsibilities
Look for positive ways to let off steam through sports, hobbies, or pursuing
positive goals.
Materials required:
Take yourself immediately out of a situation where you could be in danger and
Smudging bowl, sage or sweetgrass
get help.
Masking tape
Flipchart paper
Read Original Mans Responsibilities on page 45.
Marker
Writing supplies
Ask the young people what they thought of the story and discuss the following:
How have things changed regarding healthy and equal relationships?
Description (Ages 8 to 11)
What changes can you make to improve your lives on a physical, mental,
emotional or spiritual level?
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
(Ages 11 to 14)
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
smudge if they wish.
Proceed with A through to F (excluding E) from above and add the following.
C. Begin by having the group form a circle. The mentor draws a medicine wheel
on a flipchart paper. The mentor discusses how the medicine wheel can be
G. Participants will be asked to create a short presentation to be shared within
used to achieve balance in oneself by working with the principles outlined on
the group.
page 44.
H. Split group members into pairs and have them come up with an influential
D. Talk about times when we get frustrated and the different ways our energy
person who shows positive ways of treating others. This person can be an
can be used positively. Positive ways of using anger can be to motivate
athlete, celebrity, artist or someone in their community. This influential person
change in behavior or to get oneself to a place of safety if in danger.
will have shown ways to keep their cool under pressure or may have been
E. Give each of the young people a piece of paper with a pen, pencil or marker
outspoken in regards to equal and fair treatment of others.
and let them know they will each draw an outline of their own hand. Using
I. The group member is to talk about how this person has influenced others
this imprint of the hand, the children will identify (write down the name of) a
positively, on a mental, physical, spiritual and emotionally level.
person in each of the fingers who has helped their life in a positive way. The
J. Give the participants paper and pens to write down their points.
person could be a relative, friend at school, community member or someone
K. Between themselves, one member of the pair will present the findings to the
they havent met personally, for example someone who has positively
group as a whole.
42 43
The Medicine Wheel as a
learning tool
As First Nations people a
wonderful learning tool that has
been developed for our use
is the Medicine Wheel. It can
be used to help us learn and
achieve balance throughout
our lives. The most important
thing to know is change is
achieved through using the will
or by putting principles we have
learned into action. When we
do this the universe supports
us with teachers, mentors and
opportunities to further learn
and try out these new lessons.
Original Mans Responsibilities
When the Earth was young, it is said that the Earth was female, therefore it has
been passed down through our cultural teachings that woman proceeded man
on Earth. She is called Mother Earth because all things are born from her, the
North rivers and oceans are her blood system and water flows through her nourishing
her. When the Earth was young she was filled with the beauty of the four sacred
directions (which hold both physical and spiritual powers) and all life on Earth.
West East
When the first man meets his future wife who is Firekeepers Daughter he
experiences feelings he has never felt before. He never forgets her and when he
meets her later they become married in a sacred ceremony. The love and respect
South flows between them equally. First man remembers when he first met Firekeepers
Daughter and how beautiful she was in the light of the setting sun. He decides
he wants to help preserve her beauty by taking on certain responsibilities that
will make her life easier. In this way, first man took on the duties of a more
strenuous nature that were necessary for survival as well as protecting his family,
community and all life.

It is said that our learning is not balanced unless all areas of the wheel has Compiled from The Mishomis Book, Edward Benton-Banai, 1998
been covered in our process. The mental, physical, spiritual and emotional can
be taught or mentored negatively or positively. The way to determine this is
by the effects the behaviour produces. If the behaviour causes us physical or
emotional stress, or separation from our loved ones then we have to go back and
revisit the medicine wheel with its teachings of balance in the four areas of our
being. Sometimes we can receive a dream or vision in the form of a warning or
encouragement. The medicine wheel can be used as an indicator to determine
how to best follow through with this inner guidance.

The medicine wheel is a powerful symbol and shows how everything is

connected, including us to each and every person, and all of creation. Many
people believe that using the medicine wheel can aid us in living a good life by
learning how to meet the needs of all the different parts of our being; physical,
mental, emotional and spiritual.

Sharon Reynolds

44 45
 The Fifth Teaching
Honesty Honesty is about accepting responsibility
for our actions.

We will learn to pay attention and how to make

healthy relationship choices.

Honesty In Facing A Situation Is To Be

Brave

46 47
The Fifth Activity Making Healthy and Informed Choices
Honesty North

The first part of making good decisions involves gathering information. Often
(Ages 8 to 14) West East

because we have been hurt or disappointed before, we may not make the best
choices for ourselves. Thats why it is good to have resources like an adult we
South

like or feel safe with to talk to about whats bothering us. Or by trying to find out
from your friends how they might handle issues. Even reading this book is about
Purpose:
getting more information to make healthier decisions for yourself.
1. To learn to make healthier relationship choices
2. To visually support creation of goals and learn about alternative ways to make
In the northern direction of the medicine wheel we learn about detachment. The
a decision
eagle and the mouse are brothers in some teachings because they practice two
ways of working with the mind. The eagle flies the highest so he is able to see
Materials required:
things from a distance (this is called detachment), the mouse sees everything
Smudging bowl, sage or sweetgrass
close up so is able to see all the little details. These are two excellent ways we
Masking tape
can use our minds to gather information to make better decisions for ourselves.
Flipchart paper
We can look at the bigger picture by getting some distance and examine all the
Marker
details by looking up close. If we make a mistake, we can go back and look at
Old magazines that can be cut up
the information again through the eyes of our experience. There is always an
Art supplies (glue, scissors, glitter, stickers, brushes, paint, coloured
opportunity to go back and make changes in our behaviour based on the testing
pencils, Bristol board or construction paper etc.)
of our knowledge and our actions.
Description (Ages 8 to 14)
(Ages 8 to 10)
Treasure Map to a Goal
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
To Mentor: You could post the medicine wheel from page 20, called Wellness
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
Wheel, to remind participants of what to look for in a healthy and equal
smudge if they wish.
relationship.
C. Tell the group that today we are going to talk about choices. Ask participants
to go back to a time when they had an opportunity to make a choice for
- Distribute a piece of Bristol board or construction paper to each person in the
themselves and another time when that choice was made for them. How
group. Share with the participants that the exercise is going to help them to
did this make them feel? Ask everyone to call out their answers in turn and
understand better a positive relationship goal, by creating a map as a visual
write the answers on flip charts. Then read to the class Making Healthy and
aid to seeing what that might look like.
Informed Choices.
- This treasure map is going to be a picture of positive desires in your life in
regard to healthy and balanced relationships using information you have at
hand. The treasure map is for participants to develop new ways of gaining
information to make a decision or see a decision more clearly.
- Participants should include a picture of themselves in the map. If they
48 49
 dont have photos, they can draw a self-portrait, or select a photo from the
magazines that represents them.
- Ask them to make the treasure map as colourful as possible and include all
aspects of what it might look like, associated feelings, ways to achieve the
goal and the end result (love and shared communication). Use any image,
colours, words or artwork that you would associate with achieving the goal
of a healthy and equal relationship. Ask them to look for or draw pictures of
sharing time with someone, or a colour or word that feels loving, sharing,
equal.
- Encourage the participants to tell their own stories. It is important to build up a
good mood or positive feeling environment.
- Let participants know that looking at this map will help them visualize and
better understand what healthy relationships look like. Visualization is a
powerful tool to achieve a goal.
(Ages 11 to 14)
Relationship Goals on a Continuum
- Tape together about three pieces of flipchart paper end to end (post on wall).
- Draw a horizontal line down the middle.
- One end will contain the positive results of decision making.
- The other end will include the negative or not so great results of decision
making in relation to healthy and equal relationships.
- Ask group to review where they think the following decisions should go on
the continuum for Healthy and Equal Relationships. While they are doing this
activity ask them to think about how they may have come to these decisions.
Ways of making decisions in relationships to be put on the Continuum.
Read out the following to the group and let the group decide where these points
should be put on the line.
Everyone is out to get me so I need to hurt people first.
I try to listen and observe before I make any judgements about what they are
saying about another person.
I talk about my feelings and concerns to someone I trust.
50
My body tells me I am not safe here even though this person smiles and seems nice.
When someone tries to verbally hurt me, I dont engage with them. I just smile
and move on down the line.
If someone is yelling at me or throwing things at me then I have to fight back or
I will look weak to my friends.
I like to be with a girl who listens to me but also tells me what she likes or
doesnt like.
I can diffuse a difficult situation with humour.
Picking on a person because she is new at school or different.
Everyone knows its the other persons fault if something goes wrong.
It makes me feel better about myself to intimidate and control others.
I can help my friend whose boyfriend is hurting her by supporting her and telling
her how to get help.
Its not okay to belittle, trivialize or undermine my friends understandings or
point of view.
Sometimes I feel anxious or nervous around my boyfriend.
When I go out with my girlfriends, we look after each other and are careful
about who we associate with.
My girlfriend is just there to service my needs. Her needs do not matter.
I am always responsible for protection during sex, because I want to have
children when I am ready to be a parent and I know myself better.
Ask participants to discuss how this exercise was for them. What do they feel
they learned about themselves by participating?
51
 The Sixth Teaching
Humility Humility is becoming aware of yourself
and your needs.

We will learn how to communicate and share our

feelings.

Humility Is To Know Yourself As A Sacred

Part Of Creation

52 53
The Sixth Activity on those feelings is to start a journal. In a journal you can write down your
thoughts or create pictures and even make spelling mistakes. Its OK! A
Humility North

journal can be a safe place to put down your thoughts and feelings and you
(Ages 8 to 14)
can keep it totally private, or share only with whom you want to.
West East

F. Give each participant their own journal and pen/pencil and ask them to go off
South

to a quiet corner of the room. Ask them to journal (draw or write) about how
they are feeling now or what they feel they learned from todays activity.
Purpose:
1. To learn more about our feelings and to communicate them
Description (Ages 11 to 14)
2. To identify needs and learn about self-awareness
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
Materials required:
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
Smudging bowl, sage or sweetgrass
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
Notebooks (one for each child)
smudge if they wish.
Writing Supplies
C. Share with the participants that they will be participating in a healing circle
with an elder today as a way to help them identify and communicate feelings.
Description (Ages 8 to 10)
The elder has been given tobacco and has been asked to give a teaching
during healing circle regarding men and how it is okay to be a man and have
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
feelings, and to guide the young men through to the circles completion.
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
Before the healing circle will begin the mentor will read the teaching about the
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
healing circle (page 57) to the young boys. (This healing circle can be done
smudge if they wish.
outside, or on a camping or fishing trip as an alternative to an inside setting).
C. Speak to the young people about feelings and why it is okay to express your
D. To facilitate sharing within the group, a talking stick or eagle feather may be
feelings. Its OK for boys or girls to cry because its a healthy way to release
used. This is an important activity in which to talk about guidelines within the
feelings even if someone makes fun of you.
group so everyone feels safe to share. People are encouraged to share when
D. Hand out photocopies of the feelings (How do You Feel?) on page 56 and
they feel ready.
discuss some of the expressions with the group. Ask the group how they
E. Some of the themes to talk about in the circle might be how difficult it is to
feel the feelings relate to them, taking turns to find out how each member
share feelings; how no one ever listened to them before. Encourage the
is feeling. Are there positive ways to express your feelings without hurting
young people to know that whatever stage they are in regarding sharing
another person? Examples could be: taking time before I express myself, do
feelings is okay. Acknowledge how brave they are to try. Do not force anyone
a breathing exercise before, crying it out, calm myself down by counting to
to do anything they are not comfortable with. Just witnessing others sharing
ten, talking to someone I trust, doing something physical (walk or run), etc.
may be powerful enough. Have Medicines available for participants to
Encourage the young people to talk about their feelings when they can. The
support them while they are sharing if needed.
more they ask themselves what am I feeling, the more they can find out about
themselves and whether they might be more than happy, sad or angry.
E. A really great way to discover how you feel and what you might need based

54 55
 How do You Feel? The Healing Circle

In Aboriginal society the circle symbolizes the cycles within nature - Spring,
Summer, Fall and Winter, and are an important teacher to Native Peoples.
Circles stand for respect, equality, inclusiveness and the continual flow of life.
We respect that different nations may have different teachings about the circle
and how it is used.
Arrogant Blissful Innocent Surprised Stubborn Lonely
The Healing Circle has developed as a very useful tool within Aboriginal
communities to start the process of healing and reclaiming of culture after the
devastating impact of residential schools, and other historical factors. There
was a prophecy given to some nations that the seventh (present day) generation
would come and would once again live inside the circle. Then Native people
would one day live in harmony with our Mother the Earth. The healing is part of
Shocked Happy Relieved Prudish Withdrawn Envious
that prophecy as well.

Healing or sharing circles are a time when people or a community can come
together and share grief, pain, joy and humour. A group will sit down together
in a circle, give thanks or pray for all that is around them, and share within the
safety and sacredness of the circle. It is in that circle that we are connecting with
Negative Thoughtful Lovestruck Shy Cold Enraged
all of life, the sacredness and the continuity of that life. By sharing our pains, our
losses, or humour, we laugh and we cry. We can heal our mind, bodies and spirit
in this way and learn more about sharing and communicating our feelings.

Using a talking stick or feather in a healing circle can help the person focus him
or herself to have a deeper awareness into their inner world, or inner feelings.
As each person has the opportunity to speak, the object gets passed to the next
Meditative Undecided Interested Smug Silly Joyful person. It doesnt have to be in any certain order. When we journey to the centre
of our being in ceremony (or when meditating or spending time alone), it is at
that time that we are closest to the Creator, or our connection to the universal
energies.

Grieving Bored Cautious Jealous Satisfied Frightened

56 57
 The Seventh Teaching
Truth Truth is about creating positive change.

We will learn how to stand up for positive change in

our lives and our communities.

Truth Is To Know All Of These Things

58 59
The Seventh Activity blanket. While participants work on their patches, discuss being safe and
how we can all help each other and ourselves in choosing to be safe in our
Truth relationships.
(Ages 8 to 14)
E. Each of the participants is to be given My Very Own Safety Plan
(photocopied from page 63). Instruct them to keep it and to fill it out with
phone numbers and information appropriate to them. It is to be used in case
they or someone they know needs help.
Purpose:
1. To learn how to help your friend and be safe
Description (Ages 11 to 14)
2. To be a channel for positive change
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
Materials required:
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
Smudging bowl, sage or sweet grass
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
Masking tape
smudge if they wish.
Flipchart paper
C. Tell the young people that we will be brainstorming information to go in a
Markers
webpage called Helping Hands created by kids for kids, to share with others
Index cards
information on how to be safe.
Old magazines that can be cut up
D. Divide the group into pairs and instruct them to interview each other for about
Art and writing supplies (glue, scissors, paint, brushes, coloured pencils,
ten minutes. The mentor divides the participants in pairs and decides who will
sparkles, stars, glitter, stickers, construction paper, etc.)
be interviewed and who will be the interviewer.
E. The interviewer gathers information on how they can be safer in relationships.
Description (Ages 8 to 10)
Suggest some questions to consider: Who do I go to get help? Is there an
organization or place that will help me if I witness or experience unhealthy
A. Introductions. Mentors introduce themselves first. The young people can
relating? Should I run away or fight? Ask the participants to think of how they
introduce themselves or perhaps share how they are today.
would deal with a situation in their lives that would involve unequal relating or
B. Teaching about smudging, offer smudge to participants with option not to
abuse.
smudge if they wish.
F. When the interview is over, ask the interviewers to present findings to the
C. Tell the group that today we will be creating a Safety Blanket together.
group. The mentor can write these suggestions down on flipchart paper.
Depending on the number of young people, take 4 to 6 squares of the
G. Hand out the How to Help photocopied section of the book and allow the
flipchart paper and tape them together to create one large square, this
class to compare their findings to the suggestions in the toolkit. Ask the
creates a blanket to which the patches will be taped to. Tape to the wall.
participants what they think of what they found out on their own. Often it is
D. Hand participants photocopies of the section How to Help and ask each
difficult to know what to do by ourselves so its important to get help by finding
person to choose one or two of the topics from the numbered situations.
out more information or talking to a friend or adult.
They will create a story, poem or picture to be put on their index card (patch)
about the safety situations they have chosen. These patches will all be put
together on the large square, on the wall, to create a safety (patchwork quilt)

60 61
H. Inform the group that they will create a blog or webpage with the information
they gathered today. It might be great to create a poem or put the tips with
some graphics on the page, then let friends know about the blog and how My Very Own Safety Plan
to access it. Blogs and webpages are free to create. If the participants do
not have access to the internet or computers, create a flyer or pamphlet on
Kids Helping Kids Be Healthy in Relationships to be distributed around When I get scared I can think about
the community. Remember to ask permission when putting a flyer up __________________________________________________________
somewhere.
When I get scared I can go to
Free Blogg http:/blogg.com/ __________________________________________________________
Free Webpage http://ca.yahoo.com/
When I am feeling down or afraid I can talk to
I. At the end of this activity, give the participants My Very Own Safety Plan __________________________________________________________
(photocopied from page 63). Instruct them to keep it and fill it out with phone
numbers and information appropriate to them, (it is to be used in case they or These are the safe exits from my house
someone they know needs help). ___________________________________________________________

In an emergency I can
___________________________________________________________

My Important Numbers

My phone number _______________________________

The police _______________________________

Sharon Reynolds

A neighbor, friend or relatives number _______________________________

62 63
 How to Help

How to Help a Friend:

Let your friend know there are adults and organizations out there that can
help them: Kids Help Phone Line, a guidance counselor at school or a
kind teacher or adult they trust. If they dont find someone right away, keep
looking.

Handouts Listen to your friend but let them know they dont have to put up with
someone elses intimidating behaviour whether its a boyfriend or a bully at
school.

Its important to talk about it, encourage your friend not to stay silent and to
keep talking until they get help.

Organize yourselves and inform friends that this kind of unequal, unhealthy
relationship behaviour is not acceptable.

Take your friend seriously when they tell you they are being hurt or bullied in
school. Walk with them and help them not to be alone at school if they are
afraid.

Being bullied can be devastating even after its over. Understand if your friend
might need to keep talking about it or needs support.

Report any abusive behaviour to the principal of the school.

Encourage your friend to keep a journal of any abusive or unequal

relationship behaviour.

Tell your friend if he/she witnesses violence or abuse to call 911 and the Kids
Help Line at 1-800-668-6868 for support.

64 65
 How to Help Yourself:
Talk to other friends. See if they were in an unequal relationship and find out
how they handled it.
Phone the Kids Help Line its totally confidential (you dont have to give your
name) Kids Help Line at 1-800-668-6868.
If you are seeing any of the signs of abuse listed earlier in this toolkit in your
relationships, then leave the situation. Maybe it will hurt at first but you will be
better off in the end.
Dont give bullies any attention. This means do not engage or fight back. This
is what they are looking for and most will move on if you ignore them.
For girls, when out with friends, be on the buddy system. Watch out for your
friends and ask them to watch out for you.
Always take care of your own drinks. Get them yourself. Mix them yourself
and never accept a drink from someone you dont know.
Talk to a trusted adult parent, doctor, teacher or family friend. Keep talking
until they take you seriously. No one has the right to threaten to harm you,
touch you where and how you dont want to be touched, intimidate you or try
to make you feel small.
Work with your own anger. Take a time-out, breathe or count to ten. Take a
time-out to talk yourself out of hostile thoughts.
If you think you might be abusive, or your anger is out of control, get help.
You can change your behaviour.
Always be polite when chatting online or emailing. If someone treats you
rudely, dont respond.
66
How to Help Yourself Continued
If you know someone doesnt like you, stay away from that individual.
Save messages from cyber bullies. You do not have to read it but it can be
used as evidence. The police, ISP (internet service provider) or telephone
company can use these messages to help you.
Never send a message when you are angry. Wait until you have cooled down
and can think calmly. Words are very powerful and it can be difficult to undo
the damage once it has been done.
Do not give out or share personal information online, especially with people
you dont know. Personal information includes your name, phone numbers,
school name, email address, pictures and your passwords.
If you witness violence or abuse, call 911 and the Kids Help Line 1-800-668-
6868 for support.
Where to go for help
Talk to a teacher, guidance counselor, elder in your community, or another
adult you trust. Keep talking until you get help.
Call Kids Help Line 1-800-668-6868. You do not have to give your name.
You can also ask a question online at www.kidshelp.sympatico.ca
If its an emergency, call 911 or your local police number.
67
Tips for Boys
Its important for you to choose someone who
likes you for who you are and to be yourself in
that relationship, no matter if its a girlfriend or
your best friend. Feeling free to be yourself
can be difficult to learn to do especially when
we are getting so many messages from outside
ourselves about what a real man is. Learn to be
true to yourself.
Tips for Girls
Its important for you to choose someone who likes you for who you are and to
be yourself in that relationship, no matter if its a boyfriend or your best friend.
Feeling free to be yourself can be difficult to learn to do especially when we are
getting so many messages from outside ourselves about what a real woman is.
Learn to be true to yourself.
Expect to be treated equally. Be careful to hang out with people who talk about
or show equality to girls.

If you treat others equally, you will be treated Being a friend to your boyfriend is the best way to be in a relationship. Friends
equally. When in a relationship, ask your help one another, they listen and are there when their friend needs help.
girlfriend her opinion. Listen to her and take
what she says seriously. This shows you Speak out. Relationships take lots of communication and this flow of
respect her and her mind. Speak up when you communication should feel equal and respectful including listening to each other
hear someone making jokes about girls, putting and not discounting what the other says.
them down. It is outdated behaviour to treat girls Sharon Reynolds
and women disrespectfully. Disagreements are part of life. They are
one way we let people know who we are.
Being a friend to your girlfriend is the best way to be in a relationship. Friends We are all different and cannot always get
help each other. They listen and are there when their friend needs help. Take the along. Arguments can be resolved without
time to spend time together and get to know each other. yelling or blaming. Try to listen to each
other and work things out together.
Speak out. Relationships take lots of communication and this flow of
communication should feel equal and respectful and that includes listening to Its important for you and your boyfriend to
each other and not discounting what the other says. have your own life and activities apart from
each other. As we get older, this continues
Disagreements are part of life. They are one way we let people know who to be important as we are individuals at
we are. We are all different and cannot always get along. Arguments can be heart and need time alone, with our friends,
resolved without yelling or blaming. Try to listen to each other and work things or engaged in activities which stimulate our
out together. development.

Its important for you and your girlfriend to have your own life and activities
apart from each other. As we get older, this continues to be important as we are
individuals at heart and need time alone, with our friends, or engaged in activities Sharon Reynolds
which stimulate our development.
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The Clan System

When Creator remembered how Earths people had suffered in the past he
decided to give them a system or framework of government to give them strength
and order. This system is known today as the Clan System.
There were seven original clans and each of these clans was given a job to serve
the people. Here are the names of the clans, (with the Ojibway translation).
Bear
The Bear clan served as the police force for the people, spending most of their
time in the outskirts of the community, they would ward off any unwelcome
visitors. Bears are known for the time they spend close to nature so they also
had the knowledge of plants whose different parts could be used as medicines
for the people.

Crane (Ah-ji-jawk) Martin

Loon (Mahng) The Martin clan is known as the warriors of the people. They provided the
Fish (Gi-goon) strength needed to protect the community and were keen strategists in planning
Bear (Mu-kwa) a good defense.
Martin (Wa-bi-zha-shi)
Deer (Wa-wa-shesh-she) Deer
Bird (Be-nays) The Deer clan represented the gentle people. They were the peacemakers. Deer
people were known as the poets of the community.
Crane and Loon
The Crane and Loon clans were given the responsibility of leadership. These Bird
people had the natural qualities to govern the community. Both clans were given The Bird clan was the final clan and represented the spiritual leaders of the
this quality equally as a way to watch over each other and give a more balanced people. These people were known for their knowledge and foresight of what the
form of leadership. future would bring. They were said to have the characteristics of the eagle, the
head of their clan, in that they pursued the higher elevations of the mind, just as
Fish the eagle pursues the higher elevations of the sky.
The Fish clan stood between the Crane and Loon clans and was sometimes
referred to as the Water clan. The Fish were the intellectuals of the people, as The Creator gave the people the clan system to provide leadership in all areas of
they were known for their pursuits of meditation and philosophy. The Fish clan life. He warned the people that clans should not intermarry in order to keep the
would settle disputes between the Crane and Loon clans. One of the reasons bloodline strong.
the clan system is so successful is its built in effectiveness to settle differences of
opinion. Compiled from The Mishomis Book, Edward Benton-Banai, 1988

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 Words to a Grandchild

Perhaps there will be a day you will want to sit by my side asking for counsel.
I hope I will be there but you see I am growing old.
There is no promise that life will live up to our hopes especially to the hopes of
the aged.
So I write of what I know and some day our hearts will meet in these words if
you let it happen.

In the midst of a land without silence you have to make a place for yourself.
Those who have worn out their shoes many times know where to step.
Inspired Writings It is not their shoes you can wear only their footsteps you may follow if you let it
happen.

You come from a shy race.

Our ways are silent ways.
We have done all things in a gentle manner, so much as a brook that avoids the
solid rock in its search for the sea and meets the deer in passing.
You too must follow the path of your own race.
It is steady and deep, reliable and lasting.
It is you if you let it happen.

You are a person of little, but it is better to have little of what is good, than to
possess too much of what is not good.
This your heart will know if you let it happen.

Each day brings an hour of magic.

Listen to it!
Things will whisper their secrets.
You will know what fills the herbs with goodness, makes days change into nights,
turns the stars and brings the change of seasons.
When you have come to know some of natures wise ways beware of your
complacency for you cannot be wiser than nature.
You can only be as wise as any man will ever hope to be if you let it happen.

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Use the heritage of silence to observe others. Writings of Children
If greed has replaced the goodness in a mans eyes see yourself in him so you
will learn to understand and preserve yourself. Quit it
Do not despise the weak, it is compassion that will make you strong.
There is good in everything if you let it happen. Go away
Youre not wanted
When the storms close in and the eyes cannot find the horizon you may lose Stop bugging me
much. Leave me alone!
Stay with your love for life for it is the very blood running through your veins. Quit it
As you pass through the years you will find much calmness in your heart.
It is the gift of age, and the colours of the fall will be deep and rich if you let it Why am I so different than you?
happen. Why do you treat me different than others?
Why do you bug me?
As I see beyond the days of now I see a vision: I see the faces of my people, Why cant you think how I feel?
your sons sons, your daughters daughters, So just quit it!
laughter fills the air that is no longer yellow and heavy,
the machines have died, quietness and beauty have returned to the land. Fawn Garcia, Age 15, Siska Band. (Just Talking About Ourselves Voices of Our Youth. 1994).
The gentle ways of our race have put us in the days of old.
It is good to live!
It is good to die!
This will happen.
Being With You
Excerpt from My Heart Soars, Chief Dan George, 1974
Being with you my friend
helps me to be strong.
Being with you, tells me I can do it.
Knowing you as a teacher of me
can make a difference.
Being with you, I can trust.
Being with you, I get knowledge.

Murray Chief. (Just Talking About Ourselves Voices of Our Youth. 1994).

Sharon Reynolds

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 Resources

As I Additional Activities:
Encourage the young people to use their own creativity or ideas to get the word
As I walk down the street, out about Healthy and Equal Relationships. There are some additional ideas
I see garbage on the ground, which can be modified for youth in the Kizhaay Anishinaabe Niin/I am a Kind Man
drug deals going down on the corner for men and youth (especially the activity about creating lyrics to their own song),
and innocent trees being hauled in to construct a on page 85 of the manual.
new building.
Some ideas:
As I watch the sunset, Art Exhibit:
I see smog fill the air, For the young people (ages 11 14), use disposable cameras (one for each).
I hear animals hearts in sorrow as their species For the younger people (ages 8 10), use paper and art supplies for a picture or
become extinct, poem. After they have learned the teaching about Love, ask them to go out into
and I feel like the world is slowly ending. their community and take photographs or paint a picture, write a poem of what
they think healthy relating looks like. Arrange to exhibit the photographs, artwork
As I dream at night, or poems at a local community centre, school or friendship centre where the
I dream of our ancestors community can see the work. Make sure to identify that the exhibit is to promote
walking into the rich forests for berries to pick, and create awareness about healthy and equal relationships.
Sharon Reynolds
wishing they were here,
to stop us from wasting our lives away Awareness Walk:
The week before the walk it is good to have a public forum to let people know
Leah Joe, age:17, Cowichan Tribe. (Just Talking About Ourselves Voices of Our Youth. 1994). your having a walk and what the walk is for. Sometimes its good to create a
bookmark talking about what your walking for and getting a adult to hand out the
bookmark while young people play music from a table which can be set up at a
community gathering, pow wow or event at school. Have your group of young
people speak to the audience why they feel there is a need for Healthy and Equal
Relationships, what their goals and dreams are for a future community and when
they will do their walk. Create artwork (a bookmark or postcard to hand out) and
signs informing people of the gifts and goals of healthy relating, to carry with you
when you walk. Your walk does not have to go far. It can just be around your
local community.

Relationship Board game:

Create your own board game where the participants are rewarded a prize for
identifying different types of relationship behaviours be they healthy or unhealthy.

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Websites Chiefs of Ontario Youth Crew
http://www.chiefs-of-ontario.org/youth/index.html
Aboriginal Content First Nations Youth Photography Club
Four Directions Teachings http://pacificrimarts.ca/programs07-08/fnypc-intro/
http://www.fourdirectionsteachings.com/ Indian and Northern Affairs Canada: Kids Stop
Red Cross RespectED Violence and Abuse Prevention (Aboriginal program) http://www.ainc-inac.gc.ca/ks/index-eng.asp
http://www.redcross.ca/article.asp?id=294&tid=030 Virtual Museum: Journey into Time Immemorial
The National Aboriginal Role Model Program http://www.sfu.museum/time/
http://www.naho.ca/rolemodel/english/index.php Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres
Aboriginal Youth Network http://www.ofifc.org/ofifchome/page/index.htm
http://www.ayn.ca/ Turtle Island Native Network: Healing and Wellness; Suicide Prevention
Native Youth Magazine http://www.turtleisland.org/healing/healing-suicide.htm
http://www.nativeyouthmagazine.com/ Zagehdowin Information Clearinghouse
Assembly of First Nations Youth Council http://www.za-geh-do-win.com/
http://www.afnyouth.ca/
Aboriginal Youth Network Homepage Other Websites
http://ayn.ca/AYNHome.aspx http://www.havefunbesafe.ca/
Article Youth Network http://www.spiderbytes.ca/
http://www.taiga.net/ayn/home.html http://www.equalityrules.ca/en/index.html
Aboriginal Culture and Traditions: Storytelling http://www.equalityrules.info/
http://cado.ayn.ca/ http://www.kickaction.ca/
Digital Drum http://www.empoweringsisters.com/index.html
http://www.digitaldrum.ca/en http://www.fourdirectionsteachings.com/
Kanawayhitowin: Healing Each Others Spirits http://www.naho.ca/rolemodel/english/index.php
www.kanawayhitowin.ca http://www.metrac.org/
Our Story: Aboriginal Writing Challenge http://www.bullying.org/public/frameset.cfm
http://www.our-story.ca/index2.html http://www.cyberbullying.org/
Sila: Artic Environment web experience http://www.haltabuse.org/
http://www.sila.nu/home?|=en http://www.womenspace.ca/
The National Aboriginal Role Model Program: Nomination Call 2008 http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/
http://www.naho.ca/rolemodel/english/nomination_call2008.php http://www.endabuse.org/
Much Music Aboriginal Youth Scholarship http://www.citizenship.gov.on.ca/owd/index.html
http://www.muchmusic.com/proudtosupport/aboriginalyouthscholarship/ http://www.violenceinterventionproject.com/
Canada Council for the Arts: Elder/Youth Legacy Program http://www.mwaves.org/
http://www.canadacouncil.ca/grants/aboriginal/vv127913248337770380.htm http://www.teenrelationships.org/
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/

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Books and Videos
Publications
Mino Bimawdiziwin: Good Life (Anishinabe) Honouring the Voices of Children
Childrens Program Manual, At^lohsa Native Family Healing Services Inc.
Mishomis Book, Edward Benton-Banai.
Kanawayhitowin, Ontario, Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres.
Kizhaay Anishinaabe Niin Community Action Kit, Ontario Federation of Indian
Friendship Centres.
NWAC Youth Council Violence Prevention Toolkit, Native Womens Association
of Canada.
Anishnaabe Minwaa Ginebig and Other Stories, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
Elders & Youth A Native Cultural Tradition, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
Living In Balance, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
Native Legends, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
The Sacred Pipe, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
Roots of Survival: Native American Storytelling and the Sacred. Joseph Bruchac.
The Medicine Wheel: Earth Astrology, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
Walking With Grandfather Video, Za-geh-do-win Clearing House
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References
Benton-Banai, Edward. The Mishomis Book: The Voice of the Ojibway. Hayward:
The Red School House, 1988.
Bopp, Judy. Bopp, Michael. Brown, Lee. Lane, Phil. The Sacred Tree.
Lethbridge: The Four Worlds Development Press, 1984.
Mussell W. J. Warrior-Caregivers: Understanding the Challenges and Healing of
First Nations Men. Ottawa: Aboriginal Healing Foundation, 2005.
John, Rosa. Inside the Circle: Kehewin Native Education Manual. Bellville:
Peace Tree Technologies, 1994.
Kizhaay Anishinaabe Niin/I am a Kind Man: Community Action Kit. Toronto:
Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres, 2006.
Native Womans Association of Canada. Violence Prevention Toolkit. Ottawa:
Native Womans Association of Canada; Youth Department, 2007.
Amnesty International. Stolen Sisters: Discrimination and Violence Against
Indigenous Women in Canada. London, United Kingdom, 2004.
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 Kizhaay Anishnawbe Niin: I am a Kind Man
YOUNG PEOPLES INITIATIVE

To Encourage Young People to Learn About Healthy Equal

Relationships

Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres (OFIFC)

219 Front Street East,
Toronto, Ontario M5A 1E8
Tel. (416) 956-7575
Fax (416) 956-7577

www.ofifc.org

Copyright 2008
Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres (OFIFC)

Photography: Bernard Leroux

Sharon Reynolds
Sharon Reynolds

Funded by the Government of Ontario Ontario Federation of Indian Friendship Centres

www.ofifc.org

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