Planet Rickihilation

By
Javier Torregrosa
Contributions from Nicolas Torregrosa

Based on a story created by:

Justin Roiland & Dan Harmon

September 2017 jayrex@hotmail.com

INT. ALIEN STORE - DAY
RICK argues with the SHOP OWNER in the background.
RICK (O.S.)
(Drunk)
I dont fucking care you thief, we
had a deal, five miggles for one
zigtar. Not this piece of
shit. Its cracked and dead!

MORTY, inserts a coin into an alien mechanical fortune

teller.
SHOPKEEPER (O.S.)
Im not buying it, youre selling
it to me you idiot.

The machine cogs slowly turn, the head jostles upward, its
neck clicks, raises an arm up from resting between its
legs, it clicks, liquid drips from its hand, it releases a
fist to reveal an ostrich size golden egg.

RICK (O.S.)
(Drunk)
Oh that does it, Im leaving you
dumb piece of shit, Im the
smartest entity here, and that
includes your god. Fuck off.

It drops the egg, as it slides out of the box, it flies over

his head, Morty tries to catch it, his arms flail
everywhere.

MORTY
Oh god.
It slips between his hands, then crashes to the ground, it
cracks.

Slime drips from his fingers.

MORTY
Gross.
A wet ALIEN BABY with a beak opens up to reveal Mortys
fortune written on paper.
MORTY
Eurgh.
He grabs the fortune, wipes the wet slime from the paper.
 2.

MORTY
Your life is worthless, run! Huh?
ALIEN BABY
Squawk.

He looks up, sees a WANTED POSTER with Ricks face, the

tag-line states:
WANTED FOR PLANET ANNIHILATION

MORTY
Whats Rick done now?
Rick stands on the Alien Baby squashing it flat. Its
lifeless body spread around his foot. Slaps the wanted
poster out of Mortys hands.

RICK
Come on Morty were going, this
fucking pirate
(turns around, shouts)
is trying to rip me off!

MORTY
(Surprised)
What the hell Rick, youve just
killed the alien bird thing.

RICK
Its fake Morty! Dont believe
your eyes, its a load of crap,
everythings fake in here. Lets
go already!

Rick shoots his portal gun.

MORTY
Oh.

Morty picks up the poster, turns around, starts to walk.

Rick raises his foot, animal entrails stretch from his shoe
to the floor like melted mozzarella.
Rick looks at the entrails.

RICK
Hmmm, must be an upgrade.
They both leave.
 3.

INT. GARAGE - DAY

Rick & Morty arrive.

Morty shows Rick the poster.

MORTY
What have you done Rick?

Rick snatches the poster.

RICK
Wh-what the fuck, annihilation?!
MORTY
This is big Rick, huge!
RICK
(Shrugs)
Dont be so dramatic, I cant
remember, you cant expect your
grandpa to recall every single
minute of the day. I get blackouts
Morty, anything can happen.
Rick opens up his car.

MORTY
No kidding.
A huge slimy sloppy corkscrew penis shaped dildo falls out.
RICK
(Shouts)
Summer! Stop using the car as your
secret sex den.
SUMMER walks in.

SUMMER
(Bemused)
What are you talking about grandpa?
Rick kicks the slimy dildo.

RICK
What do you call this, a fucking
vegetable? Get your freaking dildo
out of my car.

SUMMER
(Shrugs)
Its not mine, ask mom.
 4.

MORTY
Enough. Rick obviously blacked out
and brought home a souvenir.

SUMMER
What is it? Its like a huge
bottle opener.
RICK
(Shakes head)
If I knew I wouldnt be asking.
Rick grabs his flask, takes a quick drink.
RICK
I need to stop drinking so much.
Rick steps into the car, grabs the souvenir, throws it in
the back.
RICK
Get in Morty.
MORTY
Why? We only just got back. Im
hungry.

RICK
Quit your whining and get in, Ill
buy you something on the way.
MORTY
I want earth food this time.
RICK
Yeah yeah whatever get in.

INT. SPACECAR - DAY

MORTY
Where are we going Rick?
RICK
Jerrys place, that blab-a-mouth
shithead you call a dad might know
something.
MORTY
Dont call my dad a shithead Rick,
its not nice. How would you like
it if I called you a shithead?
Rick shakes his head.
 5.

RICK
Somewhere on this earth, theres
going to be at least one person who
thinks youre a shithead, for that
lame excuse of a father that person
is me. Quite the lecturing and
help your grandpa figure this
mystery out.

EXT. JERRYS APARTMENT - DAY

Rick knocks.
RICK
Open up Jerry I know youre in
there.

MORTY
Hes probably at work.
RICK
(Laughs)
Yeah right, and sometimes you know
when to cheer me up.
Rick blasts the handle away, pushes open the door.

INT. JERRYS APARTMENT - DAY

Rick looks around.
RICK
Hmmm no sign of that loser
anywhere.
MORTY
Whats the plan now?

RICK
This.
Rick walks outside.

EXT. JERRYS APARTMENT - DAY

Rick shouts down to his car from the balcony.
RICK
(Shouts)
Car, where were we last night?
 6.

The SPACECARs lights turn on.

SPACECAR
You were in the galapicaz star
cluster parked in a handicap spot
over the planet Anus.

The cars lights blink for each word spoken.

MORTY
(Confused)
Sounds halfway true, is your car
making fun of you?
RICK
It doesnt know how to joke Morty,
its like your toaster, just with
lights.
The cars lights dim with sadness.
RICK
Car, show me where in the universe
that is.
MORTY
I thought you knew everything?
RICK
Morty I dont have a photographic
memory of the entire universe from
every single angle.
The Spacecar projects a star cluster above itself.

It looks like a bundle of white dots.

RICK
Zoom out, I cant work out where
that is.

SPACECAR
Okay, by a factor of ten.
The white dots shrink to reveal a penis shaped star cluster.

Rick clicks his fingers.

RICK
Ah yes I know it.
Rick jumps down.
 7.

RICK
Get in!
MORTY
What about my pizza?

RICK
Is food all you talk about? Get
in.

EXT. PLANET ANUS - NIGHT

Ricks car slowly parks in a disable bay.
A tiny picture of a tugboat towing the Enterprise ship marks
the center.

MORTY
Rick! Thats for disabled aliens.
Rick looks around.

RICK
This planet eliminated disabled
aliens.
MORTY
Thats crazy.

RICK
Thats science. Who needs disabled
aliens when science can fix
that. These parking spaces are
relics.

Rick taps a button.

The cars windscreen displays:

POPULATION: 1
RICK
Must be Jerry.
Taps another button.

The display zooms in on JERRYs position.

 8.

EXT. ANUS SURFACE - DAY

The buildings are all ruined, fire damaged, bomb damaged,
broken technology lies everywhere.
Crashed space ships are seen on buildings, in the streets,
and half submerged under ground.
JERRY
This place is amazing.

Jerry walks around with a camera, he takes a snap.

JERRY
Shame everything is ruined.
He turns, sees a muscular statue that holds up limp
corkscrew penis with balls like Thors hammer.
JERRY
Its like Greece only richer.
He reads the plaque.

JERRY
The Unas gives us life. Hmmm is
that what it is.
A small stand next to the statue has statuettes on sale.

Jerry looks around, he craftily laughs, grabs a statuette,

slips it into his pocket.
JERRY
No one around.
(Laughs)
Youre good Jerry.
The WIND whispers.
WIND
Loser.
A portal opens up, Rick appears behind Jerry.
Morty follows with the corkscrew penis tool.

RICK
What are you doing here idiot?
A startled Jerry turns around, quickly returns the
statuette.
 9.

JERRY
I didnt take it, I promise!
RICK
Idiot.

MORTY
How long have you been here?
JERRY
I dont know, this watch is
analogue.
RICK
Figures.
Jerry takes another snap of the statuettes.

JERRY
I know, isnt this place
amazing. What is it holding? Is
it some sort of vegetable?

RICK
Takes one to know one. Fucking
idiot.
MORTY
Enough with the names Rick, fix
this.
Rick snaps his fingers.
RICK
(Impatient)
Listen up Jerry, have you seen a
statue missing its tool?
JERRY
Is that what it is?

Rick slaps Jerry.

RICK
Focus numbnuts.

Jerry looks at his camera, cycles through the photos.

JERRY
Maybe.
After nine photos, stops.
 10.

JERRY
Here it is.
Rick grabs the camera, the strap twists and chokes Jerry.
The photo shows a statue with a tool missing, on top of a
mound surrounded by water, two round spheres in a bag sit
next to the feet.
RICK
(Looks at camera)
Where was this?
Jerry points.
JERRY
(Gasps)
There.

EXT. PEN ISLAND - DAY

Rick, Morty and Jerry stand on the edge of the water.

RICK
(To Jerry)
Stay here.
JERRY
Okay.
Jerry takes another photo.
Rick & Morty use the portal gun to teleport to the island.

EXT. PEN ISLAND STATUE - DAY

Rick stretches out his hand.
RICK
Give me the alien dildo.
Morty hands it over.
MORTY
Why are we doing this? Whats it
going to achieve?
RICK
A planet with a missing penis, a
missing population. Its obvious.
 11.

MORTY
(Puzzled)
Is it?
RICK
This corkscrew penis is the circle
of life, when it left the hand, it
went limp, the life drained out
from within, taking the whole
planet with it. These people
worship pig penis. Theyre pig
men, these men are pigs. It pretty
much sums up Jerrys sad pathetic
life.
MORTY
How?

RICK
Jerrys half the man he ought to
be. Or a pig. Take your pick.
Jerry leans over to take a photo of a BROKEN VASE.

Rick climbs up the statue, places it in the palm.

Just as he places the limp alien corkscrew penis in its
palm, Rick remembers.

RICK
(Sudden realization, shouts)
Oh fuck!
FLASHBACK

EXT. ANUS HIGH STREET - NIGHT

Rick & Morty run down the street.

RICK
Run Morty run! Oh my god theyre
going to kill us!
MORTY
Oh god oh god not again!

Fire & smoke light up their surroundings.

SPACE SHIPS hover over the city, they shoot towards Rick &
Morty.

SCREAMS fill the air.

 12.

Weapons fire at Rick & Morty.

Trained wild ALIEN ANIMALS give chase.

EXT. PEN ISLAND - NIGHT

They swim across the water.

RICK
Theyre technologically advanced
but still cant swim. Idiots
everywhere.
Lots of half-naked MUSCULAR MEN stand at the waters edge
facing the island.

Spaceships slowly move closer.

One of the Muscular Men raises a weapon, shoots.
Hits a VASE, shards fly everywhere.

Rick climbs the statue, to the highest point, up its arm.

Grabs the non-limp corkscrew penis held in the palm aloft
over its head.
A swoosh of air, travels over the land, the life force
leaves the planet.
The space ships crash.
The swooshed air gravitates towards the penis.

The entire civilization disappear.

Rick holds the limp penis.
Silence.

END FLASHBACK

EXT. PEN ISLAND STATUE - DAY

Everyone that had disappeared, reappear back in the same

position.
The once limp corkscrew penis stands erect.
 13.

RICK
Shit.
A MUSCULAR MAN grabs Jerry by the arm.
JERRY
(Scared)
Help me!
Morty throws a broken pole to Jerry.

MORTY
Catch.
Jerry cowards, uses his free hand to cover his face.
The pole smacks him on the head.

JERRY
Ouch!
MORTY
(Worried)
Do something Rick.
Rick cups his hands around his mouth.
RICK
(Shouts)
Kick him in the nuts!
Jerry looks at the Muscular Man whose evil eyes stare back.
Jerry hesitates, looks back & forth between Morty and the
Muscular Man, musters up some confidence, bends his leg
back, and with the power called upon from Jan Michael
Vincent, kicks the Muscular Man.
JERRY
(Screams)
Ahhh!
Jerry breaks his foot against the Muscular Mans nuts who
doesnt flinch.
RICK
Wow, did not fucking see that
coming.
Rick grabs a handful of sand, pulls out a vile of liquid,
pops the lid, pours the liquid over the sand.
 14.

RICK
Screw this.
He drops the concoction, grabs his portal gun, changes the
setting, shoots.

The concoction lights up, intermittently blinks, it grows

larger.
Rick grabs Morty, resets the portal gun, shoots a portal.

RICK
Hold your breath Jerry.
The concoction continues to grow.
Rick & Morty leave.

The concoction envelopes the entire city in a clear orange

sap.
A moment later.

A portal reappears next to Jerry whose eyes look over.

Rick appears next to the portal where it has burnt away
enough sap to allow him to stand.
He turns on a chainsaw.

RICK
Jerry, whatever youre thinking,
dont, I know what Im doing.
Rick clumsily hacks and slashes at the sap around Jerry,
trying to carve him out.
Jerry gulps.
Rick stops, exhausted.

RICK
Damn this is hard work, so thirsty.
He wipes his brow, drops the chainsaw, grabs his flask,
drinks.

Jerry panics, eyes move erratically.

JERRY
(Muffled)
Help me!
 15.

Rick pulls out rope with a dagger on the end, stabs the sap,
it goes through Jerrys shoulder.
JERRY
(Screams)
Ahhh!

Rick shoots another portal, drags Jerry through.

INT. GARAGE - DAY

Morty throws a ball up, tries to catch it, the portal

appears, Rick & Jerry come through, the ball hits Mortys
face.
Jerry encased in solid sap rolls in, crashes against the
wall.
The sap cracks, breaks off, releases the top half of Jerry.
RICK
Like father like son.

MORTY
Hey, Im not that bad.
RICK
(Rolls his eyes)
Oh really?!
JERRY
A little help please.
Jerry grabs a can off the shelf, starts to smash it against
the hard sap.
RICK
(To Jerry)
How did you end up on that Anus?

Morty laughs.
JERRY
(Hesitates)
I, I sneaked into your car.

FLASHBACK
 16.

INT. SPACECAR - NIGHT

Jerry lies on the back seat, covers himself in a blanket.
JERRY
(Chuckles)
Jerry youre so smart, Im going to
get Rick back.
A drunk Rick swings the car door open, bottle in hand,
spills alcohol.

Jerry peaks.
JERRY
(Whispers)
Dont speak.

Rick sits in the car, takes one last drink, throws the
bottle into the back, knocks Jerry out cold.
RICK
(Drunk, slurs his words)
Car, autopilot, take me to Planet
Anus.
END FLASHBACK

INT. GARAGE - DAY

MORTY
(To Rick)
You should be asking yourself why
you had that thing in your car and
why you were there in the first
place.
Rick snaps his fingers, a sudden light bulb moment.
RICK
(Rhetorical)
Wait, why was I there?
(Snaps fingers)
Glad I thought of it.

Morty shakes his head.

MORTY
(Surprised)
Thats what I just said.
 17.

RICK
Morty, stop trying to steal my
thunder.
Rick grabs a syringe, extracts his blood, opens a wardrobe,
pulls out a MANNEQUIN, injects it, it springs to life.
The Mannequin crutches down, as if its about to use the
toilet.
RICK
(Startled)
Eh, mm, Ill speed this shit up.
Rick presses a button just behind the Mannequins neck.
It speeds up, moves around the house, reenacting Ricks last
hour in the house.
It runs, stumbles, moves as if drunk, leaves the garage.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

The Mannequin runs up to BETHS broken horse statue, stamps

on it. More pieces break off.
Beth sits on the couch, with a glass of red wine, watches
the television, remote in the other hand.

BETH
Hi dad, what are you doing?
MANNEQUIN
(Ricks voice)
Stretching my legs sweetie.
BETH
Keep it down, Im trying to watch
if Stacey marries Gavin.

INT. CHURCH - NIGHT

GAVIN, 21, a little chubby, with an English accent, speaks
to STACEY, 31, quite chubby, with a Welsh accent.

Gavins entire head streams sweat.

GAVIN
(Speaks slowly)
I, do.
 18.

The PRIEST slips slightly from Gavins sweat as he turns to

face Stacey.
PRIEST
Do you take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband.

STACEY
(Nervous)
I,

INT. MORTYS BEDROOM - DAY

The Mannequin bursts in.
MANNEQUIN
(Hurried)
Morty Morty weve got to go, youve
got to help your grandpa.
It runs over to the bed, lifts the cover, shakes its head,
runs out.

INT. GARAGE - DAY

MORTY
(Bored)
Where are you, I mean the dummy.
RICK
(Snaps)
Who you calling a dummy you dumb
shit?

MORTY
(ANNOYED)
Relax Rick, I meant the mannequin.
RICK
(RELIEVED)
Oh, sorry Morty, your grandpa gets
a little jumpy sometimes. The
brainless clone is just acting out
the last hour, should be here in a
minute.
 19.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

The Mannequin stands at the table, its hand maneuvers as if
it picks up a phone.
MANNEQUIN
Brad, its Summers grandpa, shes
too much of a bitch to call you,
youre dumped. Now fuck off.
Opens the fridge, a Happy Birthday CAKE sits on the top
shelf.
A note sits next to the cake: PLEASE DONT EAT
Mannequin Rick punches it.

MANNEQUIN
(Laughs)
Grabs beer bottle.

INT. GARAGE - DAY

The Mannequin slows down, wobbles, stumbles over to the car,
leans back, drinks.
It suddenly stops.

SUMMER
What happened?
MORTY
Has the batteries run out?

Rick walks over to the wardrobe, pulls out another

MANNEQUIN2, grabs a syringe, the word GENERIC describes it.
He injects the Mannequin2.

RICK
Its designed to stop if theres
another person close by, when it
directly or indirectly interacts
with it.

SUMMER
Dont blind me with science
grandpa.
 20.

MORTY
(Laughs)
Good one Summer.

Rick shakes his head.

RICK
Fucking kids.

Mannequin2 steps into the back of the car, hides under the
blanket.
MANNEQUIN2
(Whispers, Jerrys voice)
Dont peak.

Mannequin sits in the car, throws the bottle in the back,

knocks out the other Mannequin2.
MANNEQUIN
(Sober)
Car, autopilot, take me to Planet
Hanus.
Both Mannequins keel over.
Ricks eyes widen.

RICK
Hanus not Anus. I was so fucking
drunk. Zigtar. Thats why.
MORTY
Whats a zigtar?
Rick grabs a laser pen projection, beams it on the wall.
RICK
Its like a shellfish, octopus, but
its an entire brain. Brain food
Morty. If you eat it, youll
become obnoxious just like your
grandpa.

Rick steps into the car.

RICK
Morty get in.
Morty enters the car.

Summer also gets in.

Rick looks over his shoulder, shakes his head.
 21.

SUMMER
Where we going?
RICK
To Planet Hanus, youll look after
the car.

Summer brings out her phone.

SUMMER
(Distracted)
Awww, so boring.

EXT. PLANET HANUS, SURFACE - DAY

Rick lands the spacecar.

RICK
A few things to note Morty, this
place is shifty, dont trust
anyone, dont wander, and
especially dont buy anything.

Rick swings the door open.

RICK
Right lets go.

Ricks personal space gets invaded by an over-the-top ALIEN

SALESMAN.
MORTY
That was quick.

The Alien Salesman opens up his jacket, various small

ANIMALS hang from inside, he cups his hand over the side his
mouth.
Its eyes shift left and right.

ALIEN SALESMAN
(Crafty)
Pschhh, boy are you in luck
today. Ive got crantackles on
offer, three for two. Whats your
offer?
RICK
(Tired)
Geez, not in the mood for this
shit.
 22.

Alien Salesman grabs an Animal, holds it above his mouth,

crushes it to a pulp, the Animal juices fall into of his
mouth.
ALIEN SALESMAN
(Smiles)
Makes a great health drink, full of
vitamins.
Rick pushes the Alien Salesman out of the way.

RICK
Eurgh, Jesus fucking Christ, Fuck
off.
SUMMER
Yuck. Grandpa Im staying.

MORTY
(Shocked)
What the. This place is strange.
RICK
(To Summer)
Remember, dont buy anything, no
matter how pretty, sparkley, you
get the drift.

EXT. MARKET PLACE - DAY

A ZIGTAR stands at a market stall, wears a cap, smokes a
device, holds up some of his products.

The markets crowded with stalls and CUSTOMERS.

ZIGTAR
(Shouts)
Buy one get one free kumits. Any
two peeni get a third half price.

ALIENS bump into Morty.

MORTY
(Frustrated)
Excuse me, sorry, didnt see you,
ah.
An ALIEN knocks the back of Mortys head.
MORTY
Watch where youre going! Rick
slow down.
 23.

Rick emerges out of the crowd from nowhere to confront the

Zigtar.
RICK
Remember me?

ZIGTAR
Should I?
Rick brings out a stun gun.

RICK
Good.
Rick shoots the Zigtar.
The Zigtar collapses onto the table, knocks products to the
ground, breaths slowly.
Morty appears from the crowd.
MORTY
There you are. I dont like this
place.
Rick takes out a syringe, extracts DNA from the Zigtar.
MORTY
What are you doing Rick? I thought
you were buying something?
RICK
Where have you been? That was plan
A.

MORTY
(Worried)
Not again Rick.
Morty looks around, over his shoulder.

MORTY
Im tired of running.
Rick injects the DNA into a ball. He flicks it with his
finger.

It vibrates, pulses like a heartbeat.

RICK
This wont take long, two minutes
tops. I need its DNA.
 24.

MORTY
Why?
RICK
Its the holy grail, smarter than a
savant, Ill be like a living god.

Rick eats the ball.

The blood vessels in his eyes burst. He lets out a growl.

His eyes begin to glow.

RICK
Fucking ah! Lets go!
MORTY
Oh god what have you done now.
Rick shoots his portal.
MORTY
What about Summer?

RICK
Forget her Morty, well come back.

EXT. PLANET RICKENSTEIN - DAY

The planets barren, lifeless, looks like a brown burnt

scorched surface, except for a SHACK.
Rick & Morty appear.

Morty surveys the place.

MORTY
Is the portal gun broken?
Rick walks towards the shack.

RICK
Look at this place, isnt it
wonderful? Thats rhetorical
Morty. The start of my grand
plan. Welcome to our own planet.
MORTY
(Unimpressed)
But its dead. I dont get it.

Rick enters the shack.

 25.

INT. SHACK - DAY

Various storage boxes line the walls. Scientific equipment
stationed center.
RICK
This is only the start Morty, think
of it, nothing lives here. We get
to be the masters of our own
planet. Gods you might say.

MORTY
I wasnt going to.
Rick opens a box, takes out a package, sets it on the
scientific table.

RICK
It all starts from here. I needed
that Zigtars DNA to help sharpen
and focus the mind.
Rick takes out his flask, sets it on the table.

MORTY
Thisll take years, Ill be dead by
then.
Rick opens the box, adds some potions, walks outside with
the box.
RICK
Dont be so cynical, open your
mind.

Morty follows.

EXT. SHACK - DAY

Rick throws the box into the air, shoots it.

Box explodes, creates a rain cloud.
MORTY
Wow, whats going on?

RICK
(Smiles)
Youll see.
Grass begins to grow.
 26.

MORTY
A-mazing.
RICK
Seven days, piff, my arse. Ill do
this in four tops.

THE END.