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The wonderful thing about football is how creative it is; and this is why it has never caught on in
America. You see, in America, the action is deliberately kept short so that the sponsors can get in as
many commercials as possible, and also, so that the players dont have to think for too long. They get
instructions from the quarterback, who has, in turn, received them from the offensive coach, so no
one has to think for themselves. This is the Dick Cheney version of creativity, otherwise known as:
doing exactly what you are told. So, you get four seconds of extremely violent action, and then the
only genuinely creative activity involved: a beer commercial. So, American Football is played like a
series of advertising jingles, while soccer is played like jazz.
While were on the subject: why do the Americans insist on calling it soccer, why do they have such
a problem calling it football? Its a game, played with a ball, which is struck with the foot. Hence
foot-ball. You see? Are you following this, America? The clue is in the title, its not that difficult.
Whereas American Football, as they call it, is a game where an object thats not really a ball at all, its
the wrong shape for a ball, is carried around by hand and occasionally thrown for other people to
catch in their hands, you see? Only one person in each team is allowed to actually kick the ball, and
they have to be specially brought on to the field to do it.
I suppose, in its own way, that is a form of creativity: its quiet a creative use of language, you know,
saying one thing, and meaning something completely different.