URBANITY

T he word urbanity comes from the Latin urbs, urbi, the

same root for the word urbe that designates a metropolis in

Spanish. Urbanity refers to the way that the people that live in
a metropolis, in a city, should behave.

Our primitive ancestors considered any other human group as

competition for the scarce food, and, therefore, as a real or a
potential enemy. Afterwards, in a slow revolution of
paradigms, they stop being a horde of hunter-gatherers going
through the Savannah to gradually becoming sedentary, and
over several millennia, created the first settlements of regular
proportion containing from 500 to 7,000 people. By then, they
had the need to establish some rules of social coexistence to
prevent killing each other at the slightest provocation.

Apropos, city in Latin is civitas, where the concept of

civilization -that I link with the progress in the relationships
amongst people- comes from. We human beings have moved
on from settling our differences with sticks and stones, to
disclose them in front of judges, Institutes of Alternative
Justice and even organisms such as the UN.

U rbanity does not consist of a series of rigid and eternal

rules, but rather of considering others when we relate to them,

whether this relationship is momentary, successive, or
permanent.
Sometimes we think that we ought to follow the rules
contained in the Manual of Urbanity and Good Manners -a
well-known Latin American reference- written by the
Venezuelan Manuel Antonio Carreo Muoz. Let us see for
example these rules taken from the 1854 edition:
9We shall never lean the full forearm on the table, and,
under no circumstances shall we ever put our elbows on it
while eating. Be aware that dropping a hand over the legs -
thus hiding it from everybody elses view- while using the
other one for eating or drinking, manifests little culture, and,
at the same time, conveys the body with an inelegant and
uncouth air.
25It is absolutely forbidden for a gentleman, as an act of
the most outstanding bad education, to offer his companion to
a lady that departs from a social gathering and with whom
no previous friendship exists, even if he has occasionally been
introduced to her, or danced with her, or if he had his turn to
offer her any presents during the gathering.

S uch rules being so formal make us laugh nowadays, but

they were very broadly disseminated back in the day, so much

so that even my grandmother would refer to Carreos Manual,
from time to time.

In the past, in Guadalajara, when we ran into any person while

waking in the street, we would wish that person a good day,
whether we knew that person or not. Now, such good manners
are getting lost, which I regret very much.

Nevertheless, we must take into consideration our need to

coexist with other people and the importance of understanding
that the purpose of the rules is for us to carry ourselves in a
more harmonious environment where mutual respect prevails.

A week ago, I was on my way to my Essay Workshop session

driving along Lpez Cotilla Street right in an area of the city
that has been deliberately remodelled with extended sidewalks
and speed bumps laid over it specifically to turn it into a low-
speed zone, amicable with pedestrians and cyclists. As I passed
through it, I came upon a driver that, in trying to avoid the
speed bumps, was blatantly and repetitively invading the
cyclists zone. His Majesty: The Car! the neurons inside my
head shouted at me. My blood pressure rose and although I
did not see myself in a mirror I can be certain that I my face
went red as my fists went tighter and tighter around the wheel.
All of it undoubtedly were unmistakable signs of the
indignation that such spectacle caused me.

I wonder if people, when given access to goods that they did

not have before, lack the adequate knowledge of how they
should be used. Is that a possible explanation of it? I
remember a trip that my wife and I made to Puerto Vallarta. A
friend recommended that we had a romantic getaway taking
advantage of the fact that our first child (now our daughter)
had not been born yet, before the bottles, diapers and strollers
invaded our apartment and the yelling of the baby ended our
usual relaxation.

Following his advice, I bought a tourist package that included

airfare and lodging at the Camino Real, in one of the most
beautiful beaches of the country. It was low season and
therefore there were only a few guests. The attention of the
staff in such conditions was just wonderful. It was the perfect
holiday until we went to eat at the hotels restaurant. A group
of gringos was there as well except that they were not eating,
instead, they were gulping down their food as if they were a
pack of dogs, chewing with their mouths wide open and
yelling, rather than speaking, with bits of food still in their
mouths. My joy turned into repulsion and I had to change
seats to avoid looking at such a Dantesque scene as I did not
want to throw up just because of what I was seeing. How can
this be possible? I wondered. I am investing a good amount
of money to go to a nice, elegant place with good service and I
run into this living sample of Karl Marxs
lumpenproletariat. What happened is that, due to the peso-
dollar disparity, these wild gringos could easily access places
that to us Mexicans would cost a considerable amount of
money.

S ince then I have found in many places, people that emerged

from the miserable economical condition in which they were -a

fact that I rejoice over- but that havent had the time to refine
their taste and manners a little bit. I have had pupils and
colleagues and I have met judges and magistrates that, despite
their academic and work merits, do not know how to behave
socially.

I think that, in general, we need to put ourselves more in the

other peoples shoes, to provoke empathy to understand each
other. For such purpose, we can take into consideration a
couple of fundamental rules: When in Rome, do as the
Romans do and Dont do unto others what you dont want
others to do unto you. At the end of the day we are talking
about having the respect, due consideration and care for the
other -any other- as that of a person having as much dignity as
ourselves.

Gonzalo X. Villava Alber

June 2017