PACKED FULL OF GORY FUN AND FRIGHTFUL FACTS!

AS SEEN ON TV!
Keep it under
your hat

TV SHOW
G OSSI P!

Facts thatll knock

GIBFACE!

DESPICABLE your socks off!

26 July 5 September 2017

Digital Issue 58
and what
they mean!

CAPTAIN
COOK
VS
CAPTAIN EMOJI
UNDERPANTS MAKEOVERS!
Who wins? YOU decide!

PLUS! ROMANS * EGYPTIANS * PIRATES

Weve stuffed so much into this
summer special. Its the least
you deserve after a year
toiling for teachers in stinking
schools! Thats all history now

E R !
until September, at least!

shoot!
it wont
shoot

,QVXPPHUDPDQFDOOHG
SU M M
-RKQ)UDQFLVWULHGWRVKRRWPHEXW
KLVSLVWROPLVUHG7KHQH[WGD\
KHWULHGDJDLQEXWUHGDEODQN

In 1843, I was walking along the

river in Cambridge and asked a
teacher: What are all those bits
RDWLQJDORQJ"7XUQHG
RXWWREHWKHFLW\V
1RVKDULQJLFHOROOLHVVXQFUHDPRU VHZDJH\XFN\
VFRRWHUV$VDFKLOG,WROGRWKHUNLGV<RX
PXVWQRWWRXFKP\WR\VWKH\UHPLQH,
UXOHGDTXDUWHURIWKHZRUOGVSHRSOHDQG
JRWIDWWHUHDFKGD\ZKLOH VRPH VWDUYHG
Three cheers for
the deer up here

In 1850, I opened a rail bridge in :HKHOGDEDQTXHWWRFHOHEUDWH

1HZFDVWOHVR,FRXOGULGHIURP/RQGRQ the bridge and the hotel owner
DOOWKHZD\WRP\VXPPHUUHWUHDWDW had the cheek to give me the
Balmoral Castle in Scotland, where ELOO)RU\HDUVDIWHUZKHQ
P\KXEE\$OEHUWKXQWHGGHHU passing Newcastle, I closed the
FXUWDLQVRIP\FDUULDJH+D

They had me
hanged in

30 Jul, 1966 31 Jul, 1910

London!

ON THIS
HORRIBLE The England football Callous killer Doctor Crippen is
arrested in Canada. Hed poisoned
DAY
team win the World
Cup. Theyve had 50 years his wife, cut her to bits and buried
of misery ever since! the evidence in their cellar.
 The summer
holidays are here!
Take some of Quee
n
WIN TICKETS FOR
THE MARY ROSE!
Vics advice (and
ignore some)
for a royally
good time!

Were offering one lucky winner family tickets

to discover Henry VIIIs favourite warship, the
Mary Rose!
The Mary Rose spent
Last one to
centuries hidden in
the beach is the depths of the
a rotten egg! sea after sinking on
19 July 1545, killing
almost all of the
500 men on board.
To enter, answer
this question
Who was Henry VIIIs dad?
A. Henry VII
?
Sorry - but compe
are only available titions
B. Henry VIX in the print versio
n
of the magazine.

ENTER BY EMAIL:
Send your answer, name, age, address and telephone number
to the email address on each competition.

ENTER BY TEXT: TextCOMPHH+WINCODE+either

...On second thoughts, maybe
make your own plans!
AorB(withoutanyspaces)andyourname,ageandfulladdressto
(seeprintversion).Forexample,textCOMPHH1234AJohnSmith,25
TheAvenue,LondonN996XP.
Entrycostwillbehowevermuchyourmobilephonecompany
chargesforonenormaltextmessage(SMS)atthetimeyouenter.

FIND MORE AT WWW.MARYROSE.ORG!

soots me!

7 Aug, 1840 15 Aug, 1945

Britain passes a law After two atomic bombs hit
nally banning the Japan, they
use of young boys surrender to the Allies, ending
as chimney sweeps. the Second World War.
 F OUL FACTS

I WANTED A
CORNETTO!

Ruthless Russians!
In 1917, Russian rebel Vladimir Lenin led the revolution
in his country but before that, he and his mates
toured Europe. Heres the loony bunch at London Zoo!

WHATS ALL THE

FIZZ ABOUT?

24 Aug, AD 79
ON THIS
HORRIBLE Volcanic Mount Vesuvius IT WAS A Coca-Cola is sold in Britain for
erupts in Italy, destroying HOT TOPIC the very rst time. Weirdly,

DAY the city of Pompeii, killing

some 16,000 people.
it was thought that it
cured headaches!
 THERES NORWAY
WERE THAT BAD!

VIOLENT VIKINGS!

PUTRID PAINTERS! FAMOUS PHARAOHS!

YOU NEED
SOME SHAMPOO!

ANY CHANCE OF
A CHOC ICE? AWFUL INTERROGATIONS!
ROWDY REVOLUTIONS!

HURRY UP AND
TAKE THE PHOTO!

JAUNTY GEORGIANS!
ITS BARKING
MAD!

DEADLY DYNASTIES!

1 Sep, 1715 WHY ARE ALL

MY CLOTHES
2 Sep, 1666
BLACK?
A bakery on Pudding Lane causes
the Great Fire of London. It burns for
three days, wrecking 70,000 homes
72 years and 110 days! but just six people die!
 Advertisement

Enjoy 2 issues for FREE, when you begin a 30 DAY FREE TRIAL

delivered straight to your iPad

Horrible Histories magazine iPad edition
THERES A STENCH
NCH!
Somebodys been meddling with these trench pics we smell
a rat! Can you spot the SIX DIFFERENCES between them?

Dont look
at me

ANSWERS ON PAGE 35

Take a handkerchief,
wee on it until its

GHASTLY GAS!
The Germans used gas as a
weapon in the First World War.
Clouds of mustard gas would drift without a gas mask?
up the kilts of Scottish soldiers
and burn their bums so they
soaked, then wrap
it around your nose
and mouth and
breathe through it!
began wearing
ladies tights! Caught
HEN R Y S
HOM E S !
Time to take a look around Henry VIIIs collection of cribs!

HAMPTON COURT PALACE SHOes off,

please!
Where: Surrey FEARSOME
Henry was given this palace as a gift in
1528, and he quickly made it bigger, FACT!
Visitors claim to hear
adding a Hogwarts-style Great Hall and the ghost of He
nrys fth
huge kitchens for cooks to keep him, wife, Catherine Howar
d,
and his court of 1,000 people, well fed! who he executed!

OME
FEARS
FACT!dogs
he
Beware of t ted
Henry hun in
KNOLE HOUSE em
deer with th ide.
u ts
Where: Kent the park o
It belonged to the Archbishop of
Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer, but it was a
UHDOO\ DVK\ SDG VR LQ +HQU\ERRWHG
 Whos in
WINDSOR CASTLE FEARSOME
there?
Where: Berkshir
Henry spent his
da
e
and singing song ys here shooting
FACT!
The castle was to be
TUDOR
s.
PRQH\PLO He paid, in today s
OLRQGRLQJLWXS
Henrys hiding place
if a plague
broke out!
KEYHOLE...
Can you recognise these famous
Tudors by spying through their
keyholes? Ones a queen, ones a
great writer and ones an explorer...

1.

PALACE OF WHITEHALL
FEA
Where: London RSOME
The biggest palace in Europe in Tudor FACT!
WLPHVLWKDVURRPV+HQU\ Henry died here in
added a bowling green, a tennis court, 1547. His rotting
body oozed foul
DMRXVWLQJ\DUGDQGDFRFNJKWLQJSLW juices which his
dogs licked up! 2.

FEAR
SOM
FACT E
Two of !
ST JAMESS PAL kids, yo Henrys
Where: London ACE Fitzroy ung Henry
Mary I, and Queen
+HQU\KDGWKLVSOD died w
FH
on the site of a ho EXLOWLQ its wall ithin
s.
sp
He came here to e ital for lepers.
sc
king life at Whiteh ape serious
all and chill! 3.

TS
BUT THA
!
NOT ALLed sid
Henry VIII re ces,
ala
in over 60 p stles
ca
houses and ntry!
ou
across the c

ANSWERS ON PAGE 35
9
 W H E N
YOU
CO U L D
HA V E A

O N E !
THE COOLEST MAGAZINE ON THE PLANET!
MAKE YOUR LIFE EACH MONTH WITH
 CAPTAIN
COOK

VS
Know what
I think of
Would someone get you? Pants!
this man a towel?

CAPTAIN
UNDERPANTS
Scribble out your scores
to decide this skirmish of Captain
Underpants is
the skippers explorer in cinemas from
against superhero! 28 July!

Captain Cook sailed the When he defeats his enemies,

/ 10 / 10
southern seas and mapped Captain Underpants ies
the Pacic, Australia and TRAVELS them to Uranus. Cook never
New Zealand. made it that far now, did he?!

The British captain wore Captain Underpants wears

a traditional 18th-century you guessed it, pants! Talk
naval outt, including a
powdered wig, overcoat
/ 10 STYLE about travelling light, huh?
Hes also got a red cape made
/ 10
and boots. Flashy! out of a curtain. Why not!

The intrepid explorer found Captain Underpants drinks

weird ways to ward off
scurvy (a deadly disease
common at sea), including
eating tons of pickled cabbage.
Extra Strength Super Power
/ 10 POTIONS Juice in order to gain his
superpowers. Its bright / 10
green. May contain bogies.

Captain Cook met a grizzly The caped crusader has many

end in 1779 when a tribe in deadly foes, from Professor
Hawaii beat and stabbed him.
10 ENEMIES Poopypants to the Turbo-
Toilet 2000. Oh, and trouser
/ 10
salesmen, probably.

AND YOUR
/40 WINNER IS... /40 11
 F OUL FACTS

and x up these
guys and gals!

I dont kill on
the first date

EMPEROR COMMODUS COWBOY AT TI LA TH E HU N

From: Rome
Likes: Games, like
slaughtering men and animals
in the gladiator arena!
Dislikes: Christians. I roast
them on iron seats!
Habits: I once betrayed my
best mate, all to stay in power!
HE S LO OK ING FO R...
From: Texas
Likes: A peaceful life,
the great outdoors and
huuuge plates of food!
Dislikes: Cattle-rustlers and
thieves, darn it!
Habits: Us cowboys love our
beans but they give me gas!
HE S LO OK ING FO R...
From: Eastern Europe
Likes: Expanding my
empire, but relax we
never attack Britain!
Dislikes: All who dare
to stand in my way.
Habits:A hot temper. I massacre
people and eat their esh!
HE S LO OK ING FO R...

Someone to Need a break from the Someone with a taste

12 slaughter with! city? Im your guy! for Roman blood!

Elizabeth I
Made Robert Dudley the
Earl of Leicester and kept
love notes from him!
date me.
Or else!
BO UD IC A
From: East Anglia
Likes: Leading tribespeople
into war to defend our
land from invaders!
Dislikes: No Romans,
thank you very much!
Habits: Kinda bossy, bit of a
temper. Wait, whats it to you?!
SHE SHO ULD DATE...
Theyve got
history!
Robert Dudley
May have pushed his wife down the
stairs so he could marry Elizabeth I.
They never did marry though!
ET HE L PU LLUM
From: London
Likes: Keeping calm and
carrying on. I cook great grub
with the little weve got!
Dislikes: Germans, bombs, war.
Habits: I probably wear
my mask too much, but
best to be safe, eh?
SHE SHO ULD DATE...
lets go
killing
together!
QUEEN RANAVALONA I
From: Madagascar
Likes: Killing Christians
I have them thrown from
hilltops and boiled alive!
Dislikes: Bibles a big no-no!
Habits: I assassinated my
family youll be safe,
at least until we marry!
SHE SHO ULD DATE...
13
 INTERVIEW

IM NOT DOWN
WITH BEING A
CAVEMAN!
Horrible Histories actor Ryan Sampson
tells us about his favourite things!

What do you enjoy

most about being in
Horrible Histories? Just brussian
my moustache!
Ryan says: Its just so fun!
We did an Al Capone music
video to Bruno Mars
Whos your Ryan says: Stalin
Uptown Funk, with a favourite was quite fun, he
dance routine! It was Horrible was great! Hes
a very eccentric
my favourite bit, we
had a really fun time.
Histories shouty man!
character?
Lou-king What was the best
Now were
good! and worst costume? cook-ing!
Ryan says: Louis XIV
was the best. He had
loads of rufes, a big
wig, a heavy coat it
looked brilliant! As If you could
for the worst, Im not be anyone from Ryan says: Ooh, someon
e like Captain
down with being a
caveman. I dont like
history, who Cook. He had loads of am
azing adventures,
but also had some pretty
all the mucky ones! would you be? cool suits!

A NI M AL! : Hes very

M U SI C :
RYANS FROG
pond of me!
DAVID
FAVES! BOWIE!
The hilarious actor
LOVES this stuff
FOO D :
14 PI Z ZA!
FI L M: DROP DEAD FR
ED
 8-PAGE

er th e ne xt ei gh t pa ge s, w e re whisking
Pack your bags ov th ro ug h su m m er s gone by!
you off on a te rr ib le tr ip
FIRST: CHECK IN!
You need to choose your
ful
boarding pass! Which of these aw
escapes would you sign up for?

GREEK GETAWAYS!
BOARDING?
OLYMPIA, 776 BC

rst Olympic Games are happening
Witness history! Its 776 BC and the
s should know. All male athletes are
but theres a few things spectator n
if they sneak in, theyll be throw
naked and girls are banned. And
off a cliff to their death. So there!

ROAMIN ROMANS!
ROME, AD 64 BOARDING?
d
stin g in Rom e! No, rea lly. In the summer of AD 64, someone starte
Its roa to ashes.
a massive part of the city burned
a re at the Circus Maximus, and
and had them burned
Emperor Nero blamed Christians
!
a little more. Bring your sun cream

VICTORIAN VACATIONS!
LONDON, 1858
BOARDING?
Great
London in the summer of 1858! The
Sample the sights and SMELLS of ing
185 8 wa s cau sed by hum an wa ste spilling into the Thames and bak
Stink of and
t Queen Victoria cancelled a cruise
in the hot sun. It got so putrid tha
city!
politicians thought of eeing the

SSAC RE S! * SN AP PY SE AG UL LS ! * FLOATI NG POO!

INSIDE! MEXICAN MA
 GAME

a muti
Your cny! Miss a go
rew st
ages

Sun, sea, sand and

swashbuckling its the

on u up s che irat
yo ong ing p
perfect pirate holiday!

e sq ! Go ers e

s ng
u

Si
are in
Grab a shipmate and
go

back o y weather! G
Storm
anothe
Have r
race to the treasure
ut o n e

squa ne
s

out o ack
quare

Go b
re
YOU
o

NEED: You archant FIN

a me l!
vessea go
Miss
BLACK

BLACKBEARD
One other player
ttack

1 x coin
START

Mi go
ss
2x(orcounters a
BEARD

draw some -
like these!)
JACK RACKHAM

TO PLAY: Ac
gives yup of grog
Mi ge t
do

Decide Go in o ou energy!
ss he

wholl be BLACKBEARD
d
ag N

wholl be JACK RACKHAM ne squ

are
o t avy

BLACKBEARD
o

can start on any

square marked BLACKBEARD START Sea you
JACK RACKHAM can start on any
square marked JACK START.
later!

Take it in turns to ip a coin.

HEADS = move one square towards BLACK
the middle.
BEARD
TAILS = move one square left
or right.
The Flying Gangs most famous heist
was raiding a Spanish camp full of START
First player to reach the TREASURE
in the middle is the winner!
treasure it gave them enough money
to build the Republic of Pirates!
 START In 1704 the British left
Nassau, a town in the
Bahamas. Pirates saw it as a
JACK good spot to launch attacks
from, so they moved there!
By 1713 Nassau was run by pirate
captains, who declared it the
Republic of Pirates. Powerful
pirates set up a government and
they were soon joined by many
other infamous seadogs like
ip
DOnt get irate
s h
- just become
a g our
a pirate!
Mi ing y
o

go
Miss a ck!
s
air
seasi et
s
p
You g
re

JACK T
This group of famous pirates

STAR
called themselves the Flying Gang,
and they started the career of
Mi go

Edward Teach aka Blackbeard!

Go square
ss
a

Engliback out
You nted by !
hu h ships
eing

one
b

s
re

ISH
out o ack
squa ne
re

our
Go b

re
rgot y
e squa
You fo
out on

Have r Where be the

ne b ure s

anothe
t o Go as eal

treasure?
ou map! r tre ll st

go
squ ack
u u
yo seag

are
A

RT ARD
STA KBE

a g o while
s
Mis ing grog
drink
AC
BL

17
 GET LOST!

Nothing screams summer like getting

lost in a loathsome labyrinth of leaves!
START HERE

FINISH HERE

Mazes rst began popping up in England

during the reign of William III and Mary II. William and Mary didnt have long to enjoy
This one, built for William at Hampton the maze at Hampton Court she died of
Court Palace in 1690, is still around today! smallpox in 1694, and he died of infected
wounds after falling from his horse in 1702!

NOW FOR THE REAL THING

KIDS GO FREE
Experience over 1,100 years of jaw-dropping history at Warwick Castle
including the Horrible Histories Maze! Explore medieval towers and ramparts,
and see the beautiful birds of prey theres something for everyone!
Feast your eyes and ears on this ALL-NEW
NEW FOR 2017! heart-pumping, st-thumping, live action show,
WARS OF THE running every day until 3 September! Pledge
ROSES LIVE!
18 your allegiance in this epic battle for the throne!

Only valid with print issue of the magazine.

 COMMANDER
2 STAFFORD
The smelly summer of: 1969
The Apollo 10 mission to the moon didnt go
entirely to plan. Along with tight spaces and
yucky astronaut food, Stafford and his crew
had to deal with human poo oating around
Houston, we have them in the spacecraft
a poo-blem! twice! Nobody

HUBERT LATHAM
owned up to
1 The sleepy summer of: 1909
the stinky
crime

Henry Latham was a man with a huge dream to be the

rst pilot to cross the English Channel. But on the morning I feel lIke a right
of his ight on 25 July, Latham was enjoying a lovely lie-in. waterlo0-ser.
His alarm failed, he overslept and missed the record attempt!

4
NAPOLEON
BONAPARTE
LAMBERT SIMNEL
3 The The sorry summer of: 1816
sweaty summer of: 1487 One summer, he led an empire in the
Battle of Waterloo the next, he was
Simnel began the summer thinking hed be king... and ended it exiled by the Brits on St Helena, an island
Bacon buttie slaving away for a guy he hated! He thought he was the rightful
please, Simnel! in the middle of the ocean. He ignored
king, battled Henry VII and lost. Henry found him so pathetic, he the beach and locked himself away to
didnt execute him he sent him to work in the royal kitchens! sulk in his squalid, damp and rotting
home for months on end. Boo-hoo!

5 JOHN HUDSON
The sickening summer of: 1787
Wave goodbye
to freedom!
A summer cruise sounds fun, huh? Not if
youre chained up for 36 weeks, shipped to a
wild land on the other side of the world, then
abandoned. Chimney sweep and clothes thief
John, aged NINE, was one of the rst 717 British
convicts to be shipped to Australia on 13 May!
19
 You might think ugly crabs are the weirdest things at the beach,
but some pretty peculiar things have happened on the coast in the past!
Which of these tales are true and which are false?
WEre red-y
for you!
FRENCH ARMY
SURRENDER ON BEACH PIRATES WERE LEFT
TO A FEW WOMEN! TO DIE ON BEACHES!
In 1797, 1,500 French troops were sent to attack A pirate killer, or a pirate who stole
Bristol but landed at Carreg Wastad in Wales from his mates, could be marooned
instead! A local cobbler, Jemima Nicholas, and her which meant being dropped off on
friends went to meet the French on the beach. a deserted beach to starve to death
When the French saw the ladies red cloaks, they unless he decided to shoot himself.
thought it was the English army, and surrendered!
TRUE FALSE
TRUE FALSE

VICTORIAN MEN
SWAM IN TOP HATS!
Victorians wore a lot of clothes when
they went swimming at coastal resorts
the men even wore top hats when
splashing about at the seaside!

TRUE FALSE

my
20 heads
swimming!
 I HOPE NO
JUST
WILLIAM THE ONE SAW IN
CONQUEROR
SLIPPED AT
THAT!
CASE!
THE SEASIDE!
The rst thing William the Conqueror
did after landing on a Sussex beach
in England in 1066 was fall over! Who wouldve packed these things
Embarrassing. William grabbed a in their case for going away?
handful of sand and said: See? Ive
already seized Harolds land! 1 HELMET

TRUE FALSE

CLEOPATRA LIVED AT
BRIGHTON BEACH!
2 LIFESAVER
Egyptian pharaoh Cleo was so chummy
with Roman emperor Julius Caesar, he
gifted her a huge plot of land where
Brighton now stands. She wanted a pyramid
built on the shore of the English Channel,
but she died before it was started!
Hmmph, so not 3 POISON
TRUE FALSE phar-aOh.

A. CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC!

ANSWERS
became part of the Roman empire! B. FIRST WORLD WAR SOLDIER!
in Egypt. After her death, Egypt
True! 5 False! Cleo was born and died
other in their swimwear! 3 True! 4
beaches so that they wouldnt see each
women were usually kept apart at
1 True! 2 False! Victorian men and
C. LUCREZIA BORGIA!

captain, 3 Lucrezia Borgia (she poisoned lots of people!)

ANSWERS: 1 First World War soldier, 2 Titanics 21
 These places would have got rotten
reviews on holiday websites! How
many stars will YOU give them?

What heart-
less critics!
Reviewed by
Thutmose CAIRO, EGYPT
Pyramid 2560 BC
builder

Building the pyramids

was boring.

Building the pyramids was

boring, but the local food was
lovely a sh factory and a
bakery kept us workers fed!

Pedro de
Alvarado MEXICO 1521
Spanish soldier

E,
THE SOMM Colour in the
FRANCE 1916 stars! Our Spanish army destroyed the
Aztecs here. It was very hot after
Reviewed by the battle so the stench of blood
John Bull and guts lled the air. Bring a peg
First World War for your nose if you come here!
soldier

ywhere!
Rats were ever Reviewed by
Jack the LONDON,
again! I couldnt sle
ep Ripper ENGLAND 1888
I wont come herembs and uncomfortable Vile villain
due to the loud bo erywhere too how
beds. Rats were evfight Germans in these
am I supposed to ttle was even worse Dark and full of
conditions? The baen on the first day. poor women.
we lost 20,000 m

East London was dark and full

of poor women perfect for me
to sneak around and murder ve
ladies. I was never caught.
 FOUL
FACE-OFF!
VEG OR
MEAT?!

Its better to scoff than starve,

right? Tick the gruesome grub
youd rather gobble in each era.
Youve got to pick one!

1 2 WORLD WAR II SALOON

A
FISH GUTS A
MONKEY MUNCH
A US ofcer in Asia met three guys with
GO ON... sun and then used to make a sauce! a pot on thestove.Heliftedthelid
MULLET OVER! and found amonkeyheadinside!

B
UDDERLY B
BREAKFAST BUGS THIS WAR IS
BUGGING ME!
The Romans didnt When food ran out, US soldiers
were told to try maggots and
grasshoppers wings pulled off!

3 PERILOUS PIRATE PUB 4 THE GEORGIAN LUNCH JOINT

A
PUTRID PARTS A
BRUTAL BREAD
a whaling ship captain to eat his
own ears before he killed him. WHAT HAVE
WE EAR?! SOUR-Y ABOUT
THAT!
B GRISLY GRUB B
DREADFUL DAIRY
Pirate prisoners were given
nasty nosh grubs, beetles and
cockroaches, to name a few!

23
 IM THE
PARTY KING!

E MOJ I - NA L !
CHARLES II hs an
British monarkceover!
emoji-era ma
16 6lo0 a 16 8an5 s
Ch arles ved party d wa
ch.
known as the Merry Monar d
The men who killed his da had
les
werent quite so jolly. Char tered.
them hung, drawn and qu ar
crying with laughter
they were just crying.

YOU WONT
LIKE ME
WHEN IM

ATHELSTAN
ANGRY

9At2 4anbo9ot3 9
Angry helst ed out the
Vikings to become
WKHUVWNLQJRI
the whole of
England. He
had criminals
hanged,
burned or
stoned. If
that didnt
work, they d
have bits
chopped off!

24
 GEORGE IV EDS
18201830
Rotten Georgie Porgy hated his
HEADS!Your turn match these
loved his money. Once
he got his grubby, chubby mitts Edwards to the emojis below!
on the crown, he splashed
out on huge banquets and
doing up his palaces! 1 EDWARD III
1327-1377
One mucky pup his
GIVE ME teacher said he had
FIVE MINS... OWK\QDLOVDQGUXLQHG
books by letting his
nose and dinner
dribble over the pages.

THE 2 EDWARD VI
1547-1553
9791013 &
Edward was poorly all
the time. He had lung

10141016
disease, his hair and
nails fell out, and then
to s
Ethelred paid Viking raiderwas he died aged 15.
leave his land alone andming
shocked when they kept coh!
back for more. Well, du
in the
Shockingly, he even peed tening! 3 EDWARD VIII
holy water at his Chris
1936
,WZDVORYHDWUVWVLJKW
when Ed met American

II
Wallis Simpson. He
gave up the crown in
I WAS less than a year so he
could marry her!

George died on the A B

throne, and we dont
mean the royal kind.
He woke up one day,

strain too hard? C

ANSWERS: EDS HEADS!: 1-B, 2-A, 3-C

DESPICABLE
Tease your mates and taunt your teachers
with these put-downs from the past!
What did
you say?!
DORBEL!
ERA: MIDDLE AGES
No, not something you I decree that youre
buzz it meant a a fopdoodle dorbel
CUMBERWORLD! nagging teacher! cumberworld!
ERA: MIDDLE AGES Dare to try it
Used to describe a person on yours?
as a waste of space
seriously insulting!

GILLIE-WET-FOOT!
PARDON?!
ERA: TUDORS
This old Scots phrase refers
FOPDOODLE! to a downtrodden servant, SLUBBERDEGULLION!
or someone who gets all
ERA: STUARTS the thankless tasks! ERA: STUARTS
Sassy Stuarts used this Next time you see
funny-sounding phrase your brothers messy
to call someone room, call him this
useless! KLAZOMANIAC! it means slob!

GIBFACE! ERA: ANCIENT GREEKS

Someone who cant speak
ERA: VICTORIANS without shouting a bit
Youd have been brave like your dad when the
(or stupid) to call footys on!
Queen Vic this
it means ugly!
Who you
callin
gibface?
CROOKED-
NOSED KNAVE!
ERA: TUDORS
A serious insult back in
the day, used to
call someone
ridiculous!

26
 COLOURI N G

Colouring...
I like my tache
Sioux much!

American General George Custer was

a real show-off. Colour in this plucky
chap however you like, before the
angry Sioux tribe shows him what for!

CUSTERS
CALAMITY!
In 1876, condent Custer led
his soldiers into battle at
Little Bighorn River but
the Native Americans
outnumbered them three
to one. Custers men were
massacred. Custer got a bullet
to the head and heart,
and became famous
for his failure.

SPRINGFIELD
CARBINE RIFLE
USED BY CUSTERS CAVALRY
AGAINST NATIVE AMERICANS

27
 NCA S !
T H E ON E A N D ON LY N E WS PA PE R FOR T H E I NC RE D I B L E I

TIME FOR A SPRING CLEAN...

Long live the
new emper-
aaagh!

And Huscars guards. And his

APRIL 1532 ministers and captains. And about
xcitement as local boy 200 of Atahualpas brothers and

E Atahualpa becomes new

emperor of all Incas. To
mark the occasion, celebrations
include killing ex-emperor (and
Atahualpas brother) Huscar.
cousins, the women and children
of the royal family, and their
servants, water carriers,
gardeners and cooks
Is anybody left to be ruled?

28
 AWFUL ADVERTS

PACHACUTI DRY, FLAKEY SCALP?

Q Then try new INCAN SHAMPEE. Simply

WINS SONG
pee in a bucket, leave it to ferment for a
week then wash your hair in it!
Q SCIENCE BIT: Your pee

C O N TE ST!
contains urea, a chemical
that kills bacteria, ghts
dandruff and cleans

1438 away grease. Nice!

Joy and vast slaughter as Incan Lord

Pachacuti is named X Factor winner with
the terrifying song his warriors sing at Troublesome tots?
the enemy: Just chuck your
child in the new
Well drink chicha [beer] from your skull! INCAN HOLE
From your teeth well make a necklace! and let those
)URP \RXU ERQHV ZHOO PDNH RXU XWHV steep sides
From your skin well make a drum! do all the
hard work!
He also turns his enemies into scarecrows,
EXW LWV GLIFXOW PDNLQJWKHZRUGVFDUHFURZ
rhyme in a song.

AWFUL ADVERT

NEW, IMPROVED
LLAMA!
Want a wool-grower, jewellery-
maker, fortune-teller and
barbecue all in one?!? You
need new, improved LLAMA!

Q Eat it - or sacrice it for THE END OF A ROYAL PAIN IN THE NECK

special occasions!
Q Clothes made from wool!
Q Bracelets made from
toe-nail clippings!
Q Tell the future by killing the
llama, inating its lungs and
reading the pattern of veins!
THATS A TAD
A-LLAM-ING!
the pains from
spain strike again!
26 JULY 1533
hock as Spanish invaders who have killed loads of Incans turn
S out to be not very nice people! First they kidnapped Emperor
Atahualpa (yes, the one who killed lots of Incans, too).
Then Spanish boss Pizarro says we can have Atahualpa back if we
pay lots and lots of gold. For some reason, these Spaniards really like
gold. But, hey, weve got loads, so okay.
Then, after we pay the ransom, the Spaniards strangle Atahualpa
anyway. No fair!
29
 WIN!
page wins copies
of The Scruffs:
Showtime! and
The Scruffs: The
Good, the Bad
and the Scruffy!

PUTRID
PORTRAIT! COOL
Super sketcher Edith

Im a fashion
drew an awesome COLLECTOR!
Pharaoh! Ruby is barmy for books look at
her Horrible Histories collection!

Which one shall

i start with?

I holiday in
mouse-issippi Special mentions also go to these rotten readers
Rotten rebel
drew a picture
of Boudica!
Mini monarch

COSTUME QUEEN! Jamie took a

trip to Hampton
Awesome Egyptian Shivani dressed Court Palace!
up as Cleopatra on holiday! Eisha taught her
classmates about
the groovy
Greeks!
CONTACT US! Horrible Histories, Vineyard House,
44 Brook Green, London, W6 7BT Davey visited the
shout@hhmag.co.uk Roman walls at
Battling Boudica!
Were on PopJam search for Chester!
FOLLOW US! @HORRIBLEHISTORIESMAG!

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dYl]Yf\o][YflY[[]hlj]khgfkaZadalqa^qgmj]fljqakdgkl&/&O]oadd[`ggk]l`]oaff]jkYljYf\ge^jgeYddg^l`]ja_`lYfko]jkl`Ylo]j][]an]&0&Gf]]fljqh]j`gmk]`gd\&
O]\gflYddgoZmdc]flja]kgj]flja]keY\]Zqgl`]jh]ghd]gfqgmjZ]`Yd^&O]oadd\akimYda^qYdd]flja]ko`a[`Zj]Ycl`akjmd]&1&A^qgmoaf$qgmoaddj][]an]l`]hjar]\]k[jaZ]\&
O]ogflkoYhl`]hjar]^gj[Yk`&A^l`]j]k]n]jYj]Ykgfo`qo][Yfl_an]qgm]pY[ldql`]kYe]hjar]$o]dd_an]qgmkge]l`af_bmklYk_gg\gjZ]ll]jafkl]Y\&)(&Oaff]jkoadd
Z][gflY[l]\oal`af*0\Yqkg^Y[geh]lalagf[dgkaf_\Yl]$]al`]jZqhgkl$l]d]h`gf]gj]eYad&))&A^o][gflY[lqgmlgl]ddqgmqgmj]Yoaff]j$Zmlqgm\gflj]hdqoal`afgf]
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l`]oaff]jkjklfYe]Yf\[gmflqgf[]l`][geh]lalagfakgn]jZqk]f\af_YklYeh]\Y\\j]kk]\]fn]dgh]lg2;geh]lalagfJmd]k$9LLF2EYjc]laf_9kkaklYfl$Horrible Histories
Magazine$>gmjl`>dggj$Naf]qYj\@gmk]$,,:jggc?j]]f$Dgf\gfO./:L&J]e]eZ]jlgl]ddmko`a[`eY_Yraf]$akkm]fmeZ]jYf\[geh]lalagfqgm\dac]lgcfgoYZgml&
 AMINAS
MEANER!

CUT OUT YOUR PUTRID POSTER!

ID YO U
D ?
KNOWe man fro
m
ok on
Amina to quered enemies,
her con them all night
cuddled illed them in VIllAIN
and k orning.
the m Collect th
em all!
 P UZZL ES

CALIGULAS
CROSSWORD!
Im roman
for a fight!

Complete this crossword before crazy

1 emperor Caligula invites you to a day at
the colosseum as the main event!
2
ACROSS
3 This emperor built a wall
3
H D N between England and Scotland!
4
5 Romans dined on these rotten
rodents as a delicacy!
6 Which city was destroyed
5
D R M C E when Mount Vesuvius erupted?
7 These jumbo
6
P beasts battled
gladiators for
entertainment.
DOWN
7
E L S 1 Romans might ride these in
races at the Circus Maximus!
2 The name of the epic stadium
in Rome!
4 Whats the name of the
Roman god of the sea?

EMPEROR ENDINGS! Fix these broken statues to learn

the wacky way these rulers died!

A B C
1 2 3

Cut by the Suffocated Poisoned by

TIBERIUS CLAUDIUS NERO throat by his helper mushrooms
32
 try to be
accu-rat!

THE BUSY
LAND
Look closely at this

BATHS !
pic (if you can stand
it!) and answer the
questions below

ROVERS!
Which modern countries
were ruled by the Roman
Empire back in the day?
NORWAY
1 YES
NO

JAPAN
2 YES
NO
WALES
3 YES
NO
bottoms?
FRANCE thats
4 YES indecent!
NO just turn the
other cheek.
AUSTRALIA
5 YES
NO
1 2 3
SPAIN
4
Count up the How many How many
6 YES bath staff in bathers
How many
NO
nosey birds bathers can
blue! How many can you have uttered
are there? you count
spot lifting into the in the main
(dont forget the guy weights? scene?
Check your in the window!) pool?
answers and write
your score here!

/20 STICKY ENDS: 1-B, 2-C, 3-A; LAND ROVERS: 1-Nope, 2-Nope, 3-Yep, 4-Yep, 5-Nope, 6-Yep; THE BUSY BATHS: 16, Eight, Five, 36
ANSWERS: CALIGULAS CROSSWORD: 1-Chariots, 2-Colosseum, 3-Hadrian, 4-Neptune, 5-Dormice, 6-Pompeii, 7-Elephants;
 NEXT ISSUE...
POT OF
a
P BE A CHEEKY
TRICKSTER!

IN
SHOPS
6
SEPT!
AMAZING ROCK AND
ROLL!
Im so
happy!

ANIMALS!
oof!
WICKED
TANK GAME! WARRIORS!
KIDS GO FREE OFFER be used once. The family ticket is two adults and up to three
Terms and conditions: children. The ticket excludes all other attractions at Portsmouth
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE P7 @aklgja[<g[cqYj\&L`ak[]jla[Yl]akfgf%ljYfk^]jjYZd]Yf\qgm
ANSWERS: 1. One free child entry per voucher when used in conjunction with one
full-paying adult ticket purchased on the same day until 30/9/17. may be asked for ID to match your name if you are unable to
MAZE P18 2. Ticket excludes The Castle Dungeon, for which additional provide matching ID, we reserve the right to refuse entry. This
charges apply. []jla[Yl][YffglZ]j]hdY[]\&Aehjgh]jmk]g^l`ak[]jla[Yl]oadd
3. Admission prices are subject to change. j]kmdlaf[gfk[YlagfYf\Yj]im]kl^gjhYqe]fl^gjY\eakkagf&
4. Child ticket is aged 3-11. Under-3s are free of charge. L`ak[]jla[Yl]akfglnYda\^gjYfqkh][aYd]n]flklYcaf_hdY[]
5. Under-18s must be accompanied by an adult aged 18 years or over. at Portsmouth Historic Dockyard (e.g. The Victorian Festival of
6. Voucher cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer or ;`jakleYk!&L`]EYjqJgk]Emk]meakkmZb][llgYnYadYZadalq&
concession, advance bookings or tickets bought online/over the phone. Please ensure you have booked with Sally Tyrrell before your
7. One voucher per person and per transaction. nakallg[gfjeYnYadYZadalqYf\Yj]YoYj]g^Yfq[dgkmj]k eYad8
8. Original voucher must be presented upon entrance and surrendered maryrose.org). The museum is fully wheelchair-accessible. If you
to the ticket booth operator. Photocopies will not be accepted. j]imaj]Yo`]]d[`Yajhd]Yk]fgla^qKYddqLqjj]ddo`]fZggcaf_qgmj
9. Car parking charges apply and parking is subject to availability. visit. Opening times are 10am-5.30pm (summer) and 10am-5pm
oafl]j!$k]n]f\YqkYo]]c&L`]emk]meogjckgfY^j]]%go
MARY ROSE COMPETITION entry basis, although during peak periods we reserve the right to
Terms and conditions: use a timed-entry system due to visitor numbers.
L`ak[]jla[Yl]Yddgok]fljqlgl`]EYjqJgk]Emk]meYf\[Yfgfdq

WRITE TO: Horrible Histories Magazine, Vineyard House, 44 Brook Green, London W6 7BT TEL: 020 7150 5277 EMAIL: shout@hhmag.co.uk

MAGAZINE TEAM Editor Jailbird Joanna Tubbs Acting Editor Ruthless Richard Clare Acting Deputy Editor Angry Andy Durrant Writer Calamity Chris Towers Junior Writer Putrid Peter Klein
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