Being a man in the

21st Century
N ever in the history of mankind had it been so difficult for us men. At

the dawn of humanity things were very clear: a man was strong and he
went hunting or fighting against adversaries. He did not have to educate
or bath children, sew in buttons nor draw hopscotch squares with his
daughters.

Afterwards, or so it seems, there was a time when women ruled. The era
of the Great Goddess, the Pacha Mama, Pangea. Apparently, in the
depth of our DNA, we keep a blurred memory of such an Era as a fairy
tale, where peace and concord ruled. Perhaps the last of those women
were the Amazons, warriors that would chop off one breast to improve
their aim when using a bow. If they ever existed, they are now extinct.
No reputed historian neither from ancient times nor contemporary of
ours has been able to place them in any specific time or place.

In 1973 in Mexico, based on the initiative of the then First Lady Esther
Zuno de Echeverra, women and men became equal in the eyes of the
law. Political participation of women was encouraged. That made me
very happy. I was optimistic about it; I thought that with women in
power there would be less violence, less wars, and a more humane
world. I did not imagine that with such liberation many women in
positions of power would behave like the wildest men.

What happened? Did they win the power and lose their souls? I thought
that they would bring to the Houses of Representatives, the Judicial
Courts, and the desks of the Ministers their honesty and tenderness,
their great understanding of human weakness, as well as their capacity
to forgive. Yet, I found that such qualities -that I associated with
femininity- were lost on the way. Maybe that is the price they had to pay
to access such positions previously exclusive to men. So, you want to be
in politics? Come on in, welcome, but leave such nonsense outside. It is
useless here.

Leaving aside such positions of privilege, of power, I do believe that the

20th Century was the century of women. At least in my family, many
fought, studied, and worked as much as many men. For that, they have
my respect and admiration. Freedom and rights are either taken or
earned. Somebody told me once: If you are not willing to fight for
what you have, it means that you do not deserve it. I dont think this is
absolutely true, not even a great truth, but sometimes it is convenient to
consider it.

In 1903, the Womens Social and Political Union (WSPUI) was created
in England, but it was brutally suppressed and it even cost the life of a
woman that threw herself under the horse of the King to call his
attention.

However, World Wars produced favorable consequences for women. In

1918, English women over 30 years of age would start to vote. In 1919,
in Weimar Republic (Germany) the feminine vote was allowed. Canada
and the USA followed suit around the same time and in Latin America
the precursor was Ecuador (1929) followed by Brazil. Here in Mexico,
such an achievement was not reached until 1953, when women could
cast their votes.

In Spain, although universal suffrage was enshrined in the Republican

Constitution of 1931, the Civil War that started in 1936 and the
following regime of Franco, left both men and women with no factual
political rights until 1977 when free vote for different parties came into
effect.

Back in the international stage, World War II forced women to

substitute those men on the war front, thus turning many European,
American, and Australian women into factory workers and technicians
of the war industry. This situation brought to the surface the true
equality of capacities, and thus, over time, it gradually became a more
real equality in all aspects of life.

In regards to Science, the invention of the contraceptive pill allowed

women to move on from their only role of breeding and caring of many
children to incorporate themselves to the work force, bearing more
responsibilities every day.

Good news! I am really very pleased that our female peers are more
and more by us, in an equalitarian plane. Well known cases are those of
Indira Gandhi, Golda Meier, Evita Pern, Margaret Tatcher and many
more. Right now, in the fight for the postulation of her party of Hillary
Rodham Clinton for the presidency of the United States of America.

The problem is how to incorporate these very legitimate rights and

aspirations in a couple, without us men turning into baby sitters and
cooks or them turning into dominant Alpha males.
For example, when my daughter was a child, I enjoyed telling her a tale
or strolling in the fields and reinventing the bow and arrow for her. One
day, it was my turn to take her to a childrens party because her mom
was busy. When it was time for her to get ready and choose an outfit,
she asked me what she should wear. Whatever you like the most, I
replied. I could never imagine the annoyance of her mother when, as we
came back from the party, she saw her wearing an orange rock-star-
Alejandra-Guzmns-style rah-rah skirt, a red-hearts-stamped blouse,
pink leggings and sneakers. To complete the picture, she was wearing a
pony tail on each side, one higher than the other, and both tied with
egg-yolk-yellow strips.

I like to cook. I enjoy it very much when I have the time and the
intention to imagine a menu, go shopping for whatever is needed, cook
while having a good conversation and -why not?- being helped with
some of the tasks, and, finally, presenting an appetizing dish to enjoy it
with my friends or family and my partner. I dont dislike putting the
apron on when she is very tired or sick. But from that, to have to do it as
a daily obligation there is an abysmal difference.

When going out with them, I do not know whether I should open doors
or pull out chairs for them or not, anymore. Some like it. Others give
you a weird look.
What would you like to eat?, we men joyfully ask, only to find one or
two possible answers:

First answer: Whatever you like, my dear. And then I pick the meal
and the place, with the invariable consequence that the meal was so, so,
the place was very noisy and the waiters were very slow. Besides, I gave
that guy an undeserved tip.

Second answer: Lets have Sea Food, she says. So it happens that it is
Holy Friday, the place is packed and we have to stand in a long line for
hours to get in. All that just to get lousy service and a huge bill.

In other words, you are damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Nowadays, as a man of the 21st Century you have to be strong but

tender, brave but sensitive, with initiative but always taking the
opinions of your partner into consideration. Paradox or Schizophrenia,
I do not know any more. It is enough to send one to the madhouse for a
little holiday.

Gonzalo X. Villava Alber

March 2016