A guide to EQ

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 What is Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 2 What are emotions

Chapter 3 How to develop emotional intelligence

Chapter 4 Practicing Emotional Intelligence daily

Chapter 5 Redirecting your focus

Chapter 6 The managers guide to Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 7 Emotional Intelligence and your Health

Chapter 8 Conclusion
Chapter 1. What is Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence was first mentioned back in 1964 in an article published by Michael
Beldoch, but it was not until 1995 that it gained fame when the psychologist Daniel Golman
published a book titled Emotional Intelligence now abbreviated to EQ.

The common consensus identifies Emotional intelligence as a persons ability to understand

and control their own emotions and the emotions of others.

There are three sub sections associated to EQ

The ability to connect to emotions and use them for thinking and problem-solving tasks;
The ability to control emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions
The ability to promote happiness and relaxation in other people.

There are a number of models describing emotional intelligence, Golmans is considered to be a

mixed model. There are two models; Ability EQ (2004) and Trait EQ (2001), the main difference
between them is that Trait EQ encompasses behavioral dispositions and self-perceived abilities
and is measured through self-report[1], whilst Ability EQ focuses on the individual's ability to
process emotional information and use it to navigate the social environment.[2]

To put this in laymans terms, Trait EQ is how you improve your life through reviewing your
emotions whilst Ability EQ is how you use your EQ to live. Both terms are part of a whole,
though both do try to encompass the whole picture. To be succinct, EQ is how you improve your
control over your emotions and how you manage to control the emotions of others to reach the
targets and goals you desire to reach.

When discussing emotional intelligence, we are first of all discussing emotions;

Emotions of self means how to control your facial expressions, your body language, your
dress code and how you speak.
Emotions of others refers to learning to identify body language, facial expressions,
speaking styles and adaptation per individual or group.

There are many highly successful individuals in the world, in many fields of expertise, but there
are those that are more successful than others, this is partly due to their natural ability as well as
their ability to learn to adapt, or be soft as well as when to be hard. Politicians are a prime
example of people coming from different socio-economic and cultural backgrounds yet all
capable of winning over the votes of the electors. Top level managers are usually highly
intelligent individuals that have leadership skills and scam artists are individuals that have learnt
how to persuade others of an illusion. What all of these people have in common is usually a
natural ability or awareness of how to present themselves and how to read others. We sometimes
call that street smarts but in fact it is just a higher emotional intelligence level that enables
them, whether they are educated or not, to progress through life.
To conclude: EQ is about controlling your emotions, once you control them you can then begin
to control others too. Your worst emotion to control is fear! Once you can overcome this, the rest
is easy.

[1] Petrides, Konstantin; Furnham, Adrian (2001), "Trait Emotional Intelligence: Psychometric
Investigation with Reference to Established Trait Taxonomies", European Journal of Personality,
pp. 425448

[2] Salovey, Peter; Mayer, John; Caruso, David (2004), "Emotional Intelligence: Theory,
Findings, and Implications", Psychological Inquiry, pp. 197215

Chapter 2. What are emotions

Whilst learning how to develop emotional intelligence it is wise to understand what emotions
are. Lets take a look at the eight basic emotions in more detail and how to master them, whilst
there are many more emotions or levels of emotion, such as mentioned in Robert Plutchiks
wheel of emotions, I take only the core emotions here:

Fear: this is an evolutionary emotion triggered for survival instinct.

Fear comes into play when we need to protect ourselves or others from attack or pain or any
form of unknown. The opposite of fear is Hope: this emotion drives us to believe that there is a
better outcome.

Anger: this is a survival emotion triggered to either attack or defend. It is triggered by a

perception of being attacked or receiving something we dont . The opposite of anger is
Gratitude: this emotion is a result of receiving something good and pleasant.

Love: this is an evolutionary emotion designed to create offspring. This emotion developed to
create a need for pro-creation as well as need for some physical wellbeing, such as food or
money. The negative of love is Hate: this is a survival emotion triggered to defend against
something we dislike or caused us pain.

Joy (Happiness): this is a developmental expression emotion when we gain something. It

negative emotions is; Sorrow: this is a developmental expression emotion when we lose
something.

There are more emotions, and there are whole academic curricula dealing with them, but for now
we will concentrate on these eight emotions and how to control and manipulate them.

Emotions can be mixed and played with, such as love with sorrow, that is how poetry is written,
or anger with hope, that is what fuels revenge. Whilst I mentioned that there are no negative
emotions, there are in fact negative uses of emotions. Anger can be positive and negative, it can
be positive if fueled when being attacked, replacing fear with anger will build up defensive
strength, at the same time love with sorrow can be combined to make a negative experience,
when visiting a grave site or watching a loved one suffer. By experimenting with your emotions
using associative memories, triggered by music, or movies or even mells, you can learn to
appreciate and gauge each mixture of emotions.

Tip: Find emotional triggers. Emotional triggers are sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feels, (the
senses) that are associated with situations in your past. Your emotions are built from birth, so the
sound of a lullaby your mother sang to you daily might comfort you, the sight of fire might upset
you if you were trapped in one, the smell of rosemary might induce tears as a memory of your
great grandmothers cooking and the feel of wool might make you feel excite since it was what
your first love wore on your first date. The senses are recorded with every action, emotions and
senses are inseparable, and when you feel a particular emotion at any given time, try to analyze
why it appeared, what triggered it. Now know this, everyone has triggers, try to see what triggers
other people.

Chapter 3. How to develop emotional intelligence

Just like a yogi teaching you how to meditate in order to better understand your body and
develop mind control skills or a karate teacher teaching you katas to develop immediate
physical reactions to certain situations, EQ also has certain procedures and tests to advance your
abilities.

Remember, there are no real negative emotions, there are only negative applications or
dominance of emotions on your actions. Fear is your hardest emotion to control, it is your worst
enemy, whilst it is important to have it since it is a survival based emotion, it must not be
allowed to dictate your other emotions. An instance when fear is useful is when you are standing
on the edge of a cliff, without fear you would take an unnecessary risk that could lead to your
death. So, in this instance fear is a positive emotion. Anger is also an emotional response based
on how you accept information, you must be able to control your anger completely. Once you
have taken the necessary steps to control these two emotions, the others will come into line.
Another important issue is over-excitement of an emotion, such as happiness or awe. If you
become excessively happy you can become hysterical and if you become excessively awe-struck
you become a moron. All your emotions must be in check in order for you to truly appreciate
every-one.

Remember two important facts: First, everyone was born as a baby, and was a child and grew
upthis means that they are as human as you are. You dont need to be in awe or to hesitate as
much as you dont need to be snobby or look patronizing. EQ is about understanding that
everyone is different but must be treated equally. Second, some people are born with natural high
EQ (the same as those with high IQs), they are natural chameleons since they subconsciously
adapt themselves to every situation, sometimes its how they speak, others by how the stand, but
all of them do the same thing, they control the way others perceive them.
Perception of self and how others perceive us are to different things, how we perceive ourselves
is how self-conscious we are of our actions. How others perceive us is how we transit and project
ourselves to them.

First, lets discuss the human body and how we perceive it.

Form: One of the most important factors of EQ is how you see the person for the first time. You
just walked into a room, you look around, what do you see? This happens with everyone, and the
people you see present to you an image that you collect into your mind in 3 seconds, this is your
first image that colors the way you think of that person even before they come into your sphere.

Form is made up of three parts; Clothes, stance and face.

Clothes are an important way on how you initially perceive a person, but at the same time their
stance is just as important. If you see a person wearing an expensive suit but standing like he just
woke up, you would think of him differently than you would a person wearing plain casuals but
standing with authority. At the same time, you would look at his or her face, and see their hair,
eyes, mouth and the way they look and express themselves. Its also important to dress for the
occasion, but sometimes its good to shock, although thats usually done by Hollywood stars,
you can do it too.

Stance: How do you stand? Or sit? how does anyone stand or sit? The way you compose
yourself shows us how you think about yourself and how you consider your environment and
others. When a nervous person stands, he is not straight, he is either like a flagpole, with his head
moving around scanning all the time, like a meerkat. A sad person usually stoops, head down set
inside a mire of misery. A happy person is as obvious, their smile and body move as if in a
dance. Focused people walk with determination, whilst dreamers tend to wander around.

Facial Expressions; this is probably the hardest of all to learn. Faces give away more
information than expected, however it takes a true professional to truly master the art of facial
expressions. Since many of them are micro expressions and are extremely hard to notice.

For Example: Poker face is the most common expression of a person that controls their facial
expressions, however a poker face is not an ideal way of managing others, it merely tries to stop
someone from reading your emotions. If you truly want to control others actions you should use
false facial expressions to convey false messages, thereby confusing the others.

This initial glance is very important and most police and secret service are trained in the art of
discerning unusual combinations that would point out a person as being false or true. This leads
us to the next stage; body language.

Body Language is a world known expression, but what does it really mean?

Body language is made up of body movement, how do you move when you walk, when you
talk? Every movement you make tells us more about you and how you feel then you realize. By
learning to perceive body movements you will understand how and what people are feeling. In
some rare instances, you can even project what the person will next do based on their body
movements.

A nervous person will have a twitch or look about constantly as if seeking out a source of
aggression that is expected to come, a sad or weary person will have a stoop, an overactive or
hyped person will be constantly moving.

Speech; when someone talks you can usually discern what their emotional state is, as well as
how knowledgeable they are and how they view life. The tone amd the language, the context and
how they deliver it, how their face moves and what body language occurs at the same time. Try
to talk to everyone equally, from a pauper to a floor sweeper, from a shop assistant to a bank
manager, from a student to principal and from an office clerk to a prime minister. Watch how
they talk, notice the differences and remember them.

EQ is about balance, balance in speech is about two things, choosing your language to suit the
situation and speaking in a way that is expected (or not, if you intend to confuse or surprise).

For instance, when talking to a blue-collar worker in a coal mine you should use different speech
patterns and language content then when you speak to a Mathematician. Whilst both might drink
and swear, or both might like poetry their environments are totally different and this is impacted
in their language.

The first step in developing your emotional intelligence is understanding what it is. Once you
grasp the basic understanding of emotions and body language you are on the first step of the
journey.

A sub issue on EQ is how to bring up your children using EQ training. For instance, trying to
explain why its important to accept loss at a game without throwing a tantrum, one example is
to allow the child to win on occasion, building up a self-esteem strength and only occasionally
winning, that way you slowly introduce the concept of competitive training. How to train to win.
Remember, emotional security is built at home, so but building emotional strength through
security is an important factor in child development. In any event, once the child reaches school
they will be in a competitive environment. Its best to come prepared then to find out you are not
the fastest, or cleverest or most artistic. By training your child you build leadership qualities and
assure their success.

Chapter 4. Practicing Emotional Intelligence daily

There are a number of EQ skills to be learnt and they are split into two groups:

1. Self

2. Others
Self-skills include how to analyze yourself as you are now, and how to change your capabilities.
Lear what you are naturally good at and improve on it whilst learning how to manage other
lesser developed skills.

Some tests can be done at home, in the privacy of your room, whilst others require you try them
out in public. In all cases you will need to perform basic private tests before you start with a
public one, unless you are already an extrovert, then go ahead and have some fun.

One of the first skill tests is learning how to control yourself, specifically your negative reaction
to a situation. Imagine you are being cut off on the road, you can react with road rage or you can
react with indifference, and there are a lot of different reactions between these two points. There
are two ways to stop getting angry on this scenario; 1) Imagine the driver that cut you off is a
loved one, a mother, father, sibling, partner etc. 2) Imagine that the driver that cut you off is in an
emergency situation and has to reach the hospital fast. These are just two examples of how to
negate the anger from your reaction.

Another test of self-control and constraint is how you react in a discussion, a heated one where
you know the other person is wrong. Maybe they did something bad at work, rather than come at
them with You should or You must, consider being more open to helping them, and suggest
I suggest you try or Maybe consider doing it this way. By changing the tone and way you
speak, you will both alleviate the stress or frustration levels as well as make a better impact.

Here is one regarding rejection, you are applying for a job, or a promotion. All you have to do is
prepare yourself for success. You know what you can do, you know you are the best at it, so
present yourself as such, be confident, but remember, the position offered might be perceived
differently by the employer than how you read it. So, if you dont get the job, dont think you are
a failure, you are one of many applying for it, and most probably if you didnt get it, its because
there is a better job waiting for you elsewhere.

Reducing stress; how is stress created, its created by the way you perceive a situation and how
you envision the way it will unfold Basically it is your mind playing war games constantly
checking out what a possible solution to a situation will be. The way you perceive the threat is
what makes your stress level higher or lower. A threat can be a deadline you need to meet or an
aggressor or an estimation to purchase something, a threat is also how you achieve your daily
sustenance. So, the way to reduce stress is how you perceive the situation, for example: you need
to finish a workload and you also need to take your kids to a party, you also have laundry and
you dont have enough free cash on you to fill your car up. This is a standard type of situation for
over 60% of the population in a first world country. Now lets put it into perspective, your
African/Asian counterpart doesnt have a car, his kids walk to the party and your boss might let
you go sooner but you still have to finish the job and the money you have is enough for tonights
supper and public transport.

Both individuals have stress, both perceive it differently, because the way they can reduce their
stress level is like this:
The first worlder can ask a friend or another kids parent to take the kids to the party, you can ask
the boss for overtime later that evening, you will make it up and the money you have can be used
for public transport, leaving your car at home until you get paid.

The African/Asian will do the same for his kids, he will work till he finishes anyway and he will
buy rice, eggs and a canned sardine for dinner.

Now imagine putting your life into perspective on a daily basis. Even if you have a court order
and you are being sued for damages to a car and you have no insurance, its still not the end of
the worlds, after all, if you have no money it means that the other side doesnt get any either and
will have to arbitrate a payment plan with you. Now you see, problem solved, go for the
arbitration up front, if he refuses, smile, because the judge will send you to arbitrate upon your
suggestion.

Reducing stress by changing your perspective is a very important step in growing as a person,
freeing your mind and emotions from worry will enable you to concentrate on positive thinking.

Tip: Always have a backup plan (or always hedge your bets).

Never go into a situation without having a backup plan in place, this is called risk management
and it means that you plan for every outcome and have a solution ready for each situation. By
being prepared you reduce your latent stress levels, and your confidence grows. As your
confidence grows so will your success.

Public skill tests are more complex, because they require you participate (lead) others in a game
of your choice, for example:

Case No 1. The Jewelry Shop; enhance your public image and control how others see you.

You see an expensive jewelry shop with guards and a window of product worth millions. You
are dressed casually. What do you do?

First of all, body language, you must show off total ease, total disdain and total self-awareness.
Remember, the shop clerks are not rich, they are working class, at the same time they know how
to identify rich people. You must change your approach so as to present a rich person. Many rich
people today do not dress up in formal clothes, but they do dress up in body language. When you
approach the shop, dont look in awe, dont even look at the window too long, just glance at it as
if it were a hot dog stand. Go up to the entry, they will buzz you in. When you walk in, dont
slouch, youre not a hoodlum, walk with purpose but at ease, keep your face expressionless when
looking around, dont show awe. As you walk in you will be approached by someone whom will
ask you what you care to purchase, just come up with an answer such as Thank you, Im just
looking around to get an idea of a gift. Or Im looking for a birthday present for my sister.
These are unusual answers that show confidence in your financial position, since if you are
looking for a gift or a birthday present in a jewelry shop you must have money.
Walk over to any counter that takes your fancy, dont look at prices or ask for any, just look at
the merchandise and pick out a medium sized one, never ask for the most expensive but never
look at the cheapest either. Never ask for price, if you are truly rich you show them that you
dont care what it costs. Although, if you were visiting a food stall you would haggle over every
penny and cent.

This is first test scenario takes you into the world of self, where you have to present a strong
image, using self-control and at the same time, enjoy yourself. Being tense will only ruin the
performance.

Case No 2. The Public Speaker; enhance how others see you, how they perceive you and control
their emotions.

OK, you get the willy-nillies when you have to talk in front of a crowd. Why? Its usually to do
with your self-awareness and self-image. Most people are too shy to speak in public and when
they do speak, they usually mumble and garble and forget what they want to say.

Here are a few tips on how to overcome this issue:

1. The speech, write down only the headings of what you want to discuss. Dont read the
speech from a paper, if you dont know what you are talking about, then having a text wont help
selling the content.

2. Speaking, at home or in a private place, start talking as if you were explaining it to your best
friend or family. First of all; talk, talk and explain, then use theatrics of hands to emphasize
certain words or phrases. Learn to talk slowly, calmly, putting emotion into every word and
emphasizing key words or phrases.

3. The second place to start talking is with friends or family, but not about everyday things.
Pick a subject, study it, build a personal viewpoint and then practice discussing it with them.
First present the case, the idea, then deliver your speech. Practice this a few times, each time
with the same subject but with advances in the discussion.

4. The mirror, learn to talk to a mirror, look at how your face moves, how your body moves.
Then either tone it up or down, you dont want to seem like a Duracell bunny on amphetamines
and you dont want to seem like a zombie on downers either. You need to be an actor, using your
body and your speech to deliver your message.

5. The delivery; OK, youre in a room with 200 people, now go talk. First of all, dont forget
steps 1-3, then blank out the room, the people are not there. You stand up, or sit down, and you
start talking. You open with the usual pleasantries depending on the nature of the room
(academic, political, charity etc.) Remember three important delivery skills; Volume, Speed and
Image. You know the script, your performed it enough times, you have your headings, now
speak loud and concise, using a good tempo with hand language, deliver your speech.
6. Eye contact: Now you are speaking, your using your voice and hands to deliver a great
speech, now you bring back the room into focus, you seek out people in the crowd, making eye
contact and smiling. You dont stare at anyone, just move from eye to eye, occasionally
stopping to give a smile or point a finger or just as you emphasize a point.

Good public speakers can deliver a mundane message but in such a theatrical way that they will
receive an accolade, whilst scientists might deliver a great speech on a breakthrough technology
and it will sound like your third-grade maths teacher explaining log rules for the first time.

Tip: Enjoy yourself, if you enjoy yourself then you wont have time to feel nervous and you will
control the crowd, not letting your fear control you.

I used these two examples to show how some activities can be used to hone your abilities, the
more you use them the more you become fluent and fluid in them.

Chapter 5. Redirecting your focus

Now you know a few basic skill tests, you understand what emotions are, you realize that in
order to control others you must first know how to control yourself.

Redirecting your focus basically means projecting your desires onto the object of your desire.
Imagine, in your mind, the target you wish to acquire, now you must prepare yourself both
mentally and physically to attain it.

How is this done?

A few steps (Tips).

Tip 1. you must negate all negative thoughts, concentrate only on the positive. This means you
must only think in terms of creativity and productivity.

Tip 2. Focus on your self-awareness, try to imagine watching yourself from the outside, how do
you look and act? Then concentrate on how you feel from the inside, how are you reacting,
feeling?

Tip 3. Start to self-regulate your emotional response, dont let others regulate your actions,
instead, you decide how you will react to any situation.

Tip 4. Improve your motivation by thinking of ways to increase output, reduce time and
generally improve your work environment. Think positive, optimism is as addictive as
pessimism, but with much better results.

Tip 5. Increase your empathic abilities by trying to help others solve situations. Show both
compassion as well as actual aid in solving the situation.
Tip 6. Increase your social network and skills, basically continue to attract new friends both
online and in real life. Increase your circle of influence through the number of people you know
and relate to. (Dont try to suck up to bosses! Try to talk to them and to those in lower positions,
you never know who has influence or access to information)

These six tips will automatically make you the person everyone wants to talk to, to go-to in times
of stress and generally to discuss, gossip or chat. Once you are a focal point, your chances of
success increase exponentially.

Now for the 7th tip, perhaps the most important one of all.

Tip 7. Revenge is for losers. Instead of applying your time and efforts to seeking ways to make
others suffer for indiscretions done to you, concentrate on attaining your target. To many
companies have fallen, to many lives have been lost and too much pain has come from revenge.
The very thought of getting even is infantile, the hardest thing to do is to ignore. By ignoring
(not forgiving) you replace your valuable time and energies from concentrating on THEM, to
concentrating on the real target, YOU! How YOU succeed, how YOU progress and how YOU
reach your goals.

Redirecting your focus onto YOU, is what you must do every day, when you listen to how other
describe their lives, what they like and what they do, it does not mean you must like it or do it
too. You are not a sheep, neither are you a wolf, you are just you. You do not need to listen to
jibes and meaningless criticism, you must listen to your inner voice, look at your goals and
continue to aim for them

Live your life, not theirs! Remember you only have one life, dont waste it by living according to
how others think or tell you. On the other hand, there are certain social norms that you will need
to adopt to maintain your focus.

Socializing

Whilst there are golf clubs and fitness centers that are actually social gathering sites, like
watering holes, they bring many types of people together. There are also winter sports sites
which is considered a major defining sport as well as museums and art centers, every country has
a different social gathering point dependent on the weather, culture and religion of the country.
In all countries charity work is considered a great social interactivity, since it connects you with
other minded people but also has a productive outcome, it helps those in need. So, you must find
out what are those social network centers that best suit your lifetime desires and join them. This
is not being a sheep, its being goal minded, focusing on advancing yourself through every social
media available.

Once you have joined one, your work is far from over. Now you must start to get involved in the
daily activity, increasing your reach by volunteering occasionally, find out about the board, is
there a friends of unit, such as in a museum. Go to this and join it. Start to get involved in their
schedule, become an integral part of their activity. Over time you will find you are a member of a
number of boards, and occasionally you will find certain people like you as members of more
than one. You dont need to be rich, you just need to have time and energy. You will suddenly
find yourself being invited to all kids of parties and meetings. Use this to advance your career,
map out who is who at each board, and start to build a map of influence.

Remember by using your new-found control over your emotions, you can easily adapt to any
new environment, and can easily control how others perceive you.

VERY IMPORTANT TIP: DONT LIE! You might not let everyone know exactly what or
who you are but dont lie about whom you are, just give out the information pertinent to each
group. If you lie you will be ostracized and will lose all you built up.

Chapter 6. The managers guide to Emotional Intelligence.

Youre a manager, you have responsibilities and you have any number of people under your
authority. Remember this, you do not command or control, you manage! Your job is to make
sure your department or division or job is to supply a key part of the whole service your
company sells.

To do this you have many options, the most important is to manage your personnel so that they
are motivated to be as productive and as happy at the same time.

Your employees are not robots, they have emotions and families, they have problems and
responsibilities. All this is good, so long as they perform their tasks to the best possible outcome
for your company. It is up to you to make them perform that way.

Each company in each industry sector offers different work environments for different worker
skills and different sector cultures. For instance, working for Google is not like working for
Public Works in the City of Chicago, which is not like working as a postal worker in Delhi, India
or like working as an Oncologist in Barcelona, Spain. However, working as an office clerk in
every country is similar work, the differences are not the work type but the environment and
culture. A PA working in a Realtors office in London will have similar work as the counterpart
in any other country, the same way a lathe machinist in Cairo, Egypt will operate the machinery
in a similar if not identical fashion as the counterpart in Murmansk, Russia. The differences will
be cultural, based on the country and as such there will be differences in delegation and inter-
office communications.

With all this, there are two truths to EQ, the first is that your workers will relate to respect and
determination more than to threat and indifference. The second is that your workers need
leadership more than friendship.

So, in order to succeed as a manager, remember this, Familiarity breeds contempt, you dont
need to be your employees BFF, you need to be their inspiration and motivator, their manager
and leader. This does not mean you need to be their enemy, it means that there is a fine line that
when crossed will make your workers over-confident and stroppy. Dont befriend them, be good
to them and lead by example.
The Ten tips for successful leadership:

1. Always use strong decisive tones in your speech. Be decisive, be strong, and be succinct.
Dont leave room for interpretation, always make sure your workers know exactly what you
want, how you want it and when.

2. Never shout in public, always reprimand in private. Do not belittle a worker by criticizing
him or shouting at him or berating him (or her) in public. Imagine if your boss would do that to
you, how would you feel?

3. Try to further educate them, a clever mind is a more productive one. By sending your
employees to accreditation courses and conferences and seminars relevant to their profession and
area of expertise you will create a more efficient worker. They will also become loyal and
dedicated.

4. Always be sympathetic and conscientious, but dont let them take advantage of this. Take
into account that some workers will try to get more time off then necessary, they usually have
lots of ill family members and funerals to attend. Dont disbelieve them, but dont let 6 billion
die until you do.

5. Dont criticize, teach them how to adapt and change. Always remember that not everyone is
a manager or as intelligent as you are, try to help those with less knowledge than you. The end
result will be a highly productive and loyal worker.

6. Dont make fun of a worker to anyone ever. If you joke about someone that works for you,
even in confidence, it can still leak out.

7. Promote originality, ask for their opinions on subjects under their control. By getting your
workers to think of new ideas to improve the workplace, the product, the service you are
promoting them to feel more connected with the company. You may even add incentives for the
ideas you put into use.

8. Do not add incentives through inter-office competitions, this generates competitiveness in

the workplace that evolves into pride and prejudice.

9. Add target based incentives, whilst this will generate competitiveness, it is a personal
system where more than one can gain the prize.

10. Once a week hold an employee meeting, present your departments status from the last week,
give news and updates and always include an inspirational speech, but keep it to context, youre
not the President saving the planet from aliens.

Board room tactics are also very important. When sitting in a boardroom meeting you will find
many types, but they can be categorized into four groups; the quiet ones, these try to hide and
generally dont talk, they are scared that if they talk and upset their boss they could lose their
position. The over talker, this is the exact opposite, they try to take over the discussion at every
point, trying to prove how brilliant and irreplaceable they are, then there is the fact spouter, they
usually arent inventive and rely on a mass of data and percentages to prove how capable they
are, and are mainly yes men and finally there are the visionaries, they tend to constantly come
up with new ideas but dont actually offer much data to back their ideas up. All these people are
important as a group, they interact to create cohesion (except for the silent ones, they are useless
in a board room and waste space.) The ideal board room executive is someone that combines
data and facts with inventive and innovative thinking, and does not talk too much but speaks
exactly what needs to be said. They must also argue when necessary, true leaders dont want yes
men, they want someone that will make the company go forward, that will manage their
department properly for the benefit of the company.

There is a very interesting fact about great leaders, as opposed to tyrants. Great leaders were all
sympathetic, perfectionists, original thinkers, very patient with those that needed extra help but
impatient with those that didnt. They were all witty, funny and highly intelligent. Another
interesting fact, not all successful businessmen are leaders, some of them are merely great
businessmen. Now, unless you have an original idea, or access to venture capital, or have a
cousin that is CEO of a major corp. that wants to employ because his mother told him to, suggest
you learn EQ so you can start to stand out at work and evolve.

Tip: The faster your complete your work schedules the more time you will have to advance your
career. Dont let on that you are faster than everyone else until you have lined up your
promotion.

Professional Networking

Like socializing, the business sector has its own groups to belong to. In some industries, they
come naturally like medical societies. Basically, you chose the society or societies your
profession and experience is best suited to. Join and become an active member. Go to chapter
meetings, national and international conferences, if necessary work on articles, abstracts and
presentations. Become a known speaker. Or perhaps apply for voluntary board role, although it
helps if you are well known, and that happens through your application and appearance. Once
you start to advance in the society, dont stop, use business networks to build up more presence,
start to link them. Befriend peers from other companies, mingle with peers of all levels, but also
try to meet with those in higher positions, it will help you advance. In some instances, being
elected to and voluntary executive position in a society will help you advance your application
for a new job. Everyone wants a leader in their profession, and there are two ways to gauge a
leader, wither through their fame from publication or inventiveness or through their popularity
online and in the society. Remember, if you are President of a Society, you can be called upon to
give an official opinion in court or on TVit always helps to be in that position.

Chapter 8. Emotional Intelligence and your Health

There are numerous sources stating that positive thinking leads to a healthier lifestyle. This can
also be boosted with the fact that the more self-aware you are the more likely you will to
maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Fitness

Bodybuilding and fitness, sports in general require a highly focused and motivated
mind. Through maintaining a healthy active life, you will strengthen your mind and give it the
chemical release of serotonin (The chemical that gives a euphoric feeling) that will naturally
increase your happiness. This is a cyclic state, the more you maintain your routine, the more you
will want to keep it until it is hard for you to break out of it, which you wont want to do anyway
since it is improving your health and lifestyle.

Medical

It has been shown that positive thinking aids in recovery. Whilst you might not be able cure
cancer or heal bullet wounds, you can definitely help the recovery process and you can certainly
boost your bodys natural ability to act as a preventative medical system. Another factor about
the effects positive thinking has on your well-being is how you react to stress. By reducing stress
you reduce the overload on your immune system and enable your body to fight.

Nutrition

Eating healthy, taking vitamins and minerals and reducing junk food all add to strengthening
your body and mind. So, you must add to your daily routine a system for proper nutrition. This
does not mean you cant eat fast food or ice-cream or just junk out once in a while. It just means
you must portion your eating accordingly.

By maintaining a strong mind with positive thinking, control over your emotions and a healthy
lifestyle, you will definitely advance in every field and scope.

Now for a word on form or shape:

A good physical state makes your posture and stance much more appealing to the general eye.
This helps you stand out in public. It also increases your chances to be listened to and to be
believed. It adds and boosts your confidence levels, so eventually it is natural for you to feel
good with yourself.

Dont let you physical beauty overtake your modesty, the biggest pitfall in healthy lifestyle is
narcissism. You dont want to be a selfie junkie posting body shots all the time. Controlling your
emotions includes controlling your self-awareness too. Use your physique and health as a tool in
EQ control. If you overstate your physical presence you will eventually make yourself
unappealing as a person to many others.

Tip: laws of attraction dictate that each partner is pleasant in the eyes of the other and that the
mind is strong and lively. Therefore, a fit mind will lead to a fit body will lead to a fit life and a
strong relationship.

Chapter 9. Conclusions
EQ, emotional intelligence is the science or skill of knowing yourself and controlling others. It is
not the same as IQ, which is about intelligence, you can be highly intelligent and totally
emotionless or emotionally ignorant. Empathy is the ability to feel other emotions, it is a part of
EQ. Self-awareness and meditation are tools taught by Far eastern cultures and are also a part of
EQ. Street smarts is a common name for someone that has a naturally high EQ.

EQ, unlike IQ, can be taught, and can be improved and if you are capable of adjusting your life
and adhering to the tenets of EQ, you will find that everything in your life will improve.

The most important tips to remember are these:

1. No one is equal

2. Everyone was a child once

3. Dont wait to get, go and take

4. Widen your social network

5. Play to your strengths, use your skills to advance

6. Constantly try to improve yourself

7. Enjoy trying to manage or control situations

8. Know when to stick out and when to be invisible

9. Humility is better than pride

10. Be proud of what you do but dont be an ass

11. Sympathize and help others

12. Always project optimism

13. Reduce negative thoughts

14. Dont delay, finish it today

15. Being kind is not a weakness

16. Asking for forgiveness is a sign of strength

17. Balance in everything is best

18. Dont seek justice or revenge unless it serves your goals

19. Keep your eye and mind on your goal

20. Live your life, not others

Whilst these tips might seem like your one liner quickies from Instagram they actually hold a lot
of meaning, here is a breakdown of each one for clarification.

1. No one is equal, relates to the fact that everyone is different, has different upbringings,
different cultures, different environments, different physical attributes and different genetics. All
this means is that we are all unique so dont expect anyone to think like you do or perceive as
you do.

2. Everyone was a child once, this means that no one is born a leader or a tyrant, a laborer or a
businessperson, they grow up in an environment that forges their very being. You also grew up
in an environment that made you what you are today. So, knowing this, you can change how you
control your life as well as control others, recognizing that everyone went through a childhood to
get where they got.

3. Dont wait to get, go and take, if you think that the dice will roll in your favor, or the lottery
ticket will win, or that the job you applied for is in the bag, then you are a gambler and as such
have no control over your life. If you want to reach your goals leave the gambling to others. Take
control of the situation and forge your way ahead.

4. Widen your social network, always seek out new friends and acquaintances. Always try to
expand your influence, and do so by being active, not just adding a friend and thats it, Add,
insights and articles, post helpful information and be in contact, reply and chat.

5. Play to your strengths, use your skills to advance, find out what you are good at, some are
good with numbers others with words, some can paint others can sing. Some are master
carpenters others are military leaders, find out what your strengths are and use them to advance.

6. Constantly try to improve yourself, dont rest on your knowledge or experience, the world is
constantly moving forward. Whenever you stand still you are actually going backwards because
the world is going forwards and people are constantly learning more. So, seek out ways to
improve your knowledge base.

7. Enjoy trying to manage or control situations, try out scenarios, (like in the jewelry store
example) create situations to put yourself to test. Do it with enjoyment. On the other hand, if you
find yourself in a situation, consider all the alternatives and then try to take control of the
outcomes.

8. Know when to stick out and when to be invisible, sometimes it is not good to always be at
the front, sometimes there are others better suited and sometimes its too uncertain so dont take
the gamble. Always be in control of the situation, but this can mean you might not lead it.
Sometimes the strongest people are the ones you dont see.
9. Humility is better than pride, this relates to success. Even if you win an Olympic race,
remember, today you won, tomorrow you might not. There is always someone striving to be
better than you as you strive to be better than them.

10. Be proud of what you do but dont be an ass, dont show off, dont be a wise-ass, just be
thankful, take the praise if it comes, and if it doesnt dont seek it and remember you might have
to do it all over again.

11. Sympathize and help others, always try to help others (unless its detrimental to your
promotion or goals yup, selfishness is also a life skill you have to balance), by helping others
you build a network of friends that will come to your help on the day you need it. If they dont
you know who is a real friend and who is an asshole.

12. Always project optimism, even in the most dangerous or worst-case scenarios, project
optimism. Make those around feel the hope that all will be well. This is a sign of true leadership.
Also, on the negative side, nobody likes a whiner! So, go take control, be positive, be active, first
do then ask.

13. Reduce negative thoughts, stop thinking bad about everyone, and stop thinking everyone has
bad intentions, youre being paranoid unless youre a prisoner of ISIS then youre not paranoid.

14. Dont delay, finish it today, remember, the cleaner your desk the more time you have to
enjoy life. Unless you like to work all the time. Also, the quicker you finish your tasks the more
time you will have to make more income or advance.

15. Being kind is not a weakness, in a competitive situation helping others in despair is not a sign
of weakness, it is a sign of strength. It shows you are confident enough to win even when you
help others. Just dont overdo it!

16. Asking for forgiveness is a sign of strength, always claim responsibility for your actions.
Dont pass the buck and the quicker you stand up the quicker its over and you gain more
respect. Unless you killed someonethen youre just a psychopath.

17. Balance in everything is best, as in everything, cooking for instance, the balance of
ingredients and the process you use either make a great dish or a mess. Life is the same, its all
about balance.

18. Dont seek revenge unless it serves your goals, revenge takes your focus off YOU and onto
THEM. Once you concentrate on them you forget you and you dont go forward.

19. Keep your eye and mind on your goal, remember, this is about you, your desires, your
emotions and how you manage them and others to reach your goals in life. Everything you do
should be about you and how you influence others, but in a meaningful and good way.

20. Live your life, not others, dont listen to nay Sayers, dont pay attention to cruel words and
definitely dont listen to jibes and jabs. All those people are basically idiots. They live a lonely
life in a mire of stupidity, ttring to make you as miserable as they are. Rise above them, live your
life how you want it. Do what you want to do, and enjoy your life. You only live onceyou
cant do much after your dead!

To conclude this book, after reading it you will realize that there is so much to do to change your
life. Sometimes you see people that act like this book defines, and wonder how they do it, well
some people are just born with natural abilities, that is why some people become successful and
other not. The connection between all these people is positive, optimistic and innovative
thinking. The losers always think pessimistically, blaming others and seeking or dreaming of
revenge.

Emotional intelligence is about creating a balance as well as gaining control of your emotions.
Once you do this you can start to control the outcome of situations by reading and understanding
the emotions and goals of others.