He could do this! He could, he was strong.

It was just a quad salchow, he landed it one time before, he

could do it again. He had to do it, otherwise, he couldnt make it to the GPF. He had to do this today, he
had no more time. Thats all Otabek thought during that morning, that practicethat day.

He hissed as he felt the teeth of his blade sinking into the ice. This was not going to end beautiful. He fell
face-first on the ice, scratching his nose. A curse climbed on the top of his tongue, but he didnt say it
loud. He was too well behaved to curse when someone else was there.

JJ looked at him, concerned. He was not surprised, all he did that day was just to fall and fall continually:
on the face, on the belly, on the back, on one of his arms or legs. He wouldnt be surprised if his body
was all covered in bruises. Anyway, that was how it felt. He just couldnt focus enough. Something,
down in his mind kept telling him that he was a failure, that he would never do it, he would be never
good, he would never make it to the GPF, to the podium. He tried to cover those thoughts with some
cheerful ones, but he didnt succeed, so he just kept falling and falling.

He didnt notice when JJ skated in his direction and stopped in front of him. He was too lost in his
thoughts to notice what was happening beside him. Just when he spoke, Otabek saw him:

Otabek, are you okay? You stay here for pretty much time. He said, stretching a hand for him to grab
it, to help him to get up. He really seemed worried. JJ? Otabek knew him for just one month, but he
didnt seem able to care for someone else except himself. No, he was anything but okay, but he was not
going to tell JJ this.

Im fine, Im fine, go back to practice he said, avoiding his hand and standing up.

Do you need help? You know, I can skate near you and catch you if you fall. He continued.

No, no, Im okay, GO BACK TO PRACTICE, JJ! he was getting angry now.

Youre impossible. At least, take a break, you will hurt yourself if you continue this way!

Otabek successfully ignored him and went back to practice that fucking jump for the 234567th time (and
I think I missed one ). He fell, again he was really angry, he wanted to scream so bad, to let
everything out, to release all the tension and that storm from his mind that didnt want to stop. He saw
how JJ looked at him. All he saw in his eyes was mercy. He didnt need anybodys mercy

Otabek took again his position and started skating fast. His whole body ached, especially his back. He
could do it this time. It was just a quad salchow. He knew something was wrong in the moment he was
spinning in the air. He fell again, but this time, something was different: when he touched the ice, he felt
as if something broke in his back. He couldnt move without feeling like someone was stabling his back
with a knife. He stayed there, on the ice cursing out loud and hitting the ice with his fists. Fuck his good
behavior, he didnt care about who heard him.

JJ came there again. He sighed. I told you to stop! Lets get you out of here he said putting a hand on
Otabeks shoulder, to help him stand up. He hissed: every move hurt like hell. JJ probably noticed this,
because he asked: Is your back, right? He slowly nodded. They hardly made it to the locker room,
where JJ helped him sit on a bench. He untied his skates and changed them with his shoes, then knelt in
front of Otabek and did the same for him. Otabek couldnt bend his back to do it himself.

Lets call it a day! Can someone come and pick you from here? JJ asked.

No, I live alone Otabek answered, trying to stand up, but failing.

Wait! JJ raised his voice a bit and came to help him again. Im coming with you! You can barely walk
by yourself Well, he was right

I can deal with it, JJ, dont worry! he tried.

No, and thats all I will say! JJ shouted. Otabek didnt try more, he was too tired and in pain.

They walked to his flat, slowly. They got there and after JJ took off Otabeks shoes, he did the same with
his. Otabek lifted an eyebrow.

Dont you thing I would leave you alone in this state, right? He didnt answer.

We have to make something with your back. Where is the bathroom? he asked, looking around.

First door in the left Otabek said, heading to his bedroom. He collapsed on his bed. He was so
frustrateda failurethats what he was. Just a failure that managed to hurt himself so bad. And it hurt,
it really did. He felt like crying and he couldnt do anything, just a failure His thoughts were interrupted
by JJ storming in the room. Clothes off, youre gonna take a shower, it will help your back.

Otabek didnt protest, he just waited for him to get out of the room, but he didnt.

What? A-aaaa, cmon were both guys, you dont have to be ashamed JJ said and came closer. He
helped him take his clothes off and in less than five minutes, he was in the bathtub, hugging his knees
tight to his chest. JJ was rubbing his back, gentle. He couldnt stand this more, he felt too frustrated.
Otabek just buried his face in his knees, tears falling from his eyes. He hided them from JJ, but he still
noticed something (probably his trembling shoulders) that made him say Everything is gonna be okay,
dont worry! It felt niceto have someone to make him feel better.

After the shower, Otabek was settled in his bed. He felt so tired JJ came in his room again, with a
bottle of oil in one of his hands. On your belly he ordered. He did it without complaining. JJ climbed in
the bed, over Otabek, lifted his shirt, put a little amount of oil on his palm and started massaging his
back. It hurt, it hurt like hell, but somehow it was a good pain. He mumbled some curses.

Is it too hard? JJ asked.

No no, its fine.

He felt how his muscles were relaxing under JJs touch. He finished and covered his back with the shirt
and the blanket, then got out of the room again. Otabek almost felt like a little kid, like in the moments
when his mother was taking care of him. It was nice. JJ returned after some minutes with an ice bag in
one hand a bottle with water in the other one. Otabek lifted an eyebrow.

What, this will relax your tensed muscles he said. He didnt complain, neither this time. JJ seemed to
know what he did. He just turned on one side and uncovered his back. JJ placed the ice back there,
making him shiver. Its fine, youre gonna be okay! he said. They waited some minutes, then JJ
changed the ice bag with the bottle with waterhot water. Otabek whimpered. It felt way hotter than it
actually was. Sorry, but it will make you feel better. Otabek just sighed in answer. He was feeling more
and more tired and his eyes were closing.

Why dont you try to sleep? Ill take care of everything. JJ ensured him.

Thank you was all he said, before he fell asleep.

Next time he woke up, it was already night. JJ was still beside him, on a chair, but with his head on the
bed. Hedid he take care of him this whole time? Maybe he was not so full of himself as Otabek thought
firstinteresting

Well, he couldnt let JJ sleep in a so bad position, so he had to wake him up, otherwise, his back would
have started hurting ;)