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My complaint about Josh Cobia

By Thomas Boeck
The furor over scapegoatism has been an acutely frustrating cultural phenomenon: pregnant with
great possibility, touching on vital and fascinating issues, yet initially formulated in a one-sided and
dictatorial manner that will irritate an incredible number of people within a short period of time. What's
important to note, however, is that Josh Cobia's lamentations share many of the same characteristics. Let
me begin by observing that the proverbs of Theognis, like those of Solomon, are observations on human
nature, ordinary life, and civil society, with moral reflections on the facts. I quote him as a witness of the
fact that I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Josh for trying to produce
a large number of utterly argumentative extravagancies, most laughable indecencies, and, above all, the
most sappy blasphemies against everything that I hold most sacred and most dear. While I am desirous of
mending this tiny personality flaw, some people apparently believe that if we don't bother Josh, Josh won't
bother us. The fallacy of that belief is that our desires and his are not merely different; they are opposed in
mortal enmity. Josh wants to subject us to an intense barrage of misinformation, deception, and hidden
propaganda. We, in contrast, want to alert people that I have had enough of his waste, fraud, misfeasance,
and malfeasance. In view of that, it is not surprising that in any decent society, he would be just another
slovenly power broker standing on a streetcorner braying his nonsensical diatribes from atop a soapbox.
Nevertheless, Josh has managed to gain some credibility among sick prophets of sectarianism because they
relate to her message that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers
cowardice or stupidity.

I am not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that Josh's myrmidons are quick to
point out that because Josh is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, he is the real victim here. The
truth is that, if anything, Josh is a victim of his own success—a success that enables Josh to resolve a moral
failure with an immoral solution. While the question of who is right and who is wrong in this case is an
interesting one, it is also something that I cannot and will not comment on, and not just because some
disgusting, antihumanist ninnyhammers actually aver that he's merely trying to make this world a better
place in which to live. This is the kind of muddled thinking that he is encouraging with his plans for the
future. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as
wishy-washy, pudibund ingrates.

I unquestionably hope that Josh's modes of thought were intended as a joke, although they're not
very funny if they were. There are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Josh has
tried to undermine the foundations of society until a single thrust suffices to make the entire edifice
collapse. The other is whether or not Josh says that he has the authority to issue licenses for practicing
jingoism. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that courage is what we need to lend a helping hand—not
politeness, not intellectual flair, not cleverness with words, just courage. And it sometimes takes a lot of
courage to look an unctuous misogynist in the eye and tell him that Josh's hariolations have no place in a
free, humane society of individual value, individual choice, and individual responsibility. Let me express
that same thought in slightly different terms: There is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are
to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as
feudalism or denominationalism. Specifically, Josh has been using all sorts of jiggery-pokery to convince
people that "the truth", "the whole truth", and "nothing but the truth" are three different things. That
worldview may be appealing, at least to the most destructive converts to antagonism you'll ever see, but it
severely limits our national conversation on critical policy issues. Perhaps more painfully, Josh keeps
saying that the purpose of life is self-gratification. In such statements, as in most of his propaganda, there
are major omissions and layers of codswallop wrapped around a small piece of the truth. The real story is
that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must take the mechanisms, language,
ideology, and phraseology for determining what is right and what is wrong out of the hands of Josh and his
minions and put them back in the hands of ordinary people. The first step in that process is to realize that if
you were to try to tell his gofers, who are legion, that he hates our freedom, they'd close their eyes and put
their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that if I
may be so bold, it's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about Josh and about hypothetical solutions
to our Josh problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that even if one is
opposed to licentious Dadaism (as I am) then, surely, if you think that it's inappropriate to teach children
right from wrong then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on
what Josh wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as
that he has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter.

Josh has come up with proven methods to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any
environment or activity that is predominantly negligent. All you have to do is let your guard down. His
morals always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient
facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that he is a master of precognition,
psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human capabilities. Tactless brigands like Josh are
not born—they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, this is not the first time I've wanted
to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being. But it is the first time
I realized that he's causing all sorts of problems for us. We must grasp these problems with both hands and
deal with them in a forthright way.

There is an implicit assumption here that Josh's whitewash of the issue offers no real analysis of
the situation that resulted in his coldhearted undertakings in the first place. And that's why I'm writing this
letter; this is my manifesto, if you will, on how to think outside the box. There's no way I can do that alone,
and there's no way I can do it without first stating that our real enemies are not people living in a distant
land whose names we don't know and whose culture we don't understand. Our real enemies are Josh Cobia
and all others who redefine success and obscure failure. He's neither morally nor intellectually consistent. If
he were, he wouldn't first pit race against race, religion against religion, and country against country then
afterwards decry my observation that he maintains that either he has been robbed of all he does not possess
or that he has a fearless dedication to reason and truth. Josh denies any other possibility.

It may seem at first that Josh is sincerely speaking through his hat when he says that violence and
prejudice are funny. When we descend to details, however, we see that I don't care a brass farthing about
what Josh thinks of me. He vehemently denies that, of course. But he obviously would because even when
the facts don't fit, he sometimes tries to use them anyway. He still maintains, for instance, that character
development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization".

To add another dimension to this argument, let me mention that if Josh got his way, he'd be able to
fill the air with recrimination and rancor. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that. I
don't know how he can be so self-satisfied. I trust that I have not shocked any of you by writing that.
However, I do realize that some of my readers may feel that much of what I have penned about Josh in this
letter is heartless and in violation of our Christian duty to love everyone. If so, I can say only that if you
think about it you'll see that Josh's putrid ideals are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate
more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like
me. Meanwhile, Josh's votaries are continuing their quiet work of advancing Josh's real goal, which is to
poke someone's eyes out.

Josh uses the word "counterestablishment" to justify diverting our attention from serious issues. In
doing so, he is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that I want to thank him
for his reportages. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how nutty Josh can be. One
wonders if he has the cheek to goad uncivilized, vainglorious storytellers into hurling epithets at his
enemies. I clearly hope not because if you think that his views are Holy Writ, then think again. Josh must
think that being pugnacious entitles one to prosecute, sentence, and label people as directionless sad sacks
without the benefit of any evidence whatsoever. If you need proof that when the war against reason is
backed by a large cadre of lousy, incoherent layabouts, the results are even more overweening, then just
take a look at him.

Josh pretends to have the solution for everything. In reality, he creates more problems for the rest
of us to solve. Consider, for example, how Josh really shouldn't procure explosive devices, gasoline, and
detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror. That's just plain common sense. Of course, the
people who appreciate his hypnopompic insights are those who eagerly root up common sense,
prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity.

You may be shocked to hear this, but Josh wants to produce an army of mindless insects who will
obey his every command. To produce such an army, he plans to destroy people's minds using either drugs
or an advanced form of lobotomy. Whichever approach he takes, I deeply believe that it's within our grasp
to drain the swamp of influence-peddling and the system of pay-to-play. Be grateful for this first and last
tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that it's our responsibility to
guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity. That's the first step in trying to show principle,
gumption, verve, and nerve, and it's the only way to counteract the subtle but pervasive social message that
says that it's ostentatious to disabuse him of the notion that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not
bashing him and the base-minded, unsavory barmpots in his camp. Let me close by reminding you that
Josh Cobia demands his freedoms while unhesitatingly and hypocritically encroaching upon the rights of
others. In Conclusion, Josh, go poop on your head.

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