Handel

a play by Diego lvarez Robledo

1
1.

A junkyard.

Hitman: You know what the boss said? Strip him away.
Nice term, ain't it? Strip away.
Sounds like stripping off your flesh down to your bones.
Why would you challenge our boss?
What did you do to piss her off this much?

He squeezes Carlos' testicles like an orange, and attacks him.

Hitman: You wanted to be a little princess? I'll make you a princess.

He rapes Carlos.

Hitman: So tender inside. (He touches Carlos' crotch.)

Is this what made her mad you little fucker?
She wanted a real man and this is what she got?
Nah. I don't think so.
You should see how fucking crazy it gets in there.
All the leaders of Mexico are fucking depraved,
they constantly brake every law you can think of.
Imagine what they do when they party.

That's why they can't touch our boss, no matter what.

He gives them a place where they can party without remorse.
He's got them them balls tightly gripped, our boss.
Our boss is the God of all the politicians, and I
I am your fucking God. (He cums.)

2
 He zips his pants.
Carlos cries. The Hitman shoots him in the head.
He sits over Carlos' corpse and smokes.
Takes out his cell phone, makes a call.

Hitman: Boss. Hi!

I'm sorry, boss. I ruined your gift. I couldn't resist.

2.

An exclusive brothel. A detective and a cop.

Detective: How many?

Cop: Twenty or thirty, chief.

Detective: Don't fuck with me, Ramirez.

They're either 20 or 30, can't be both. I need to know how many.

Cop: I'm gonna count them again. Be right back.

Detective: Hurry up! (Pause.)

What are you waiting for?

Cop: Can I have a compensation, chief?

Detective: You're an idiot, Ramirez. The attorney's been stalking our

guts every step of this investigation. Those Human Rights assholes are just

3
looking for one little flaw to destroy our whole department, and you can't
keep your dick in your goddamn pants.

Cop: Chief Gutierrez always let us have a compensation.

Detective: A compensation for what, exactly? Gutierrez got 40 years

in a shit hole prison for being fucking corrupt, and if you're incapable of
keeping your fucking dick inside your pants, I'm gonna shoot your fucking
balls until I make scrambled eggs out of them.

Cop: Yes, chief.

Detective: Now move your ass, tell me how many girls we've saved.

Cop: Yes, chief.

Detective: Yes, chief. Fuck off! And if I find out y any of you, sick
fuckers touch a single hair out of those girls

Cop leaves.
After a while, Lucja walks casually towards the exit.

Detective: Going somewhere, girl?

Lucja: We're free. Free to go. Or not?

Detective: Technically, but we still have to follow the protocol.

Lucja: What protocol? We talked. We told you what they did to us.

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Detective: Yes, you did. But we still have to make sure

Lucja: Sure about what? That place was filled with cameras. You
have hours and hours of footage about us and what happened here.

Detective: Easy, girl. We've just set you free. You should be a little
more grateful.

Lucja: I have nothing else to do in here.

Detective: You're going home. But first, you have an interview with
the press. And then you have to testify.

Lucja: What for? You saw what happened here. You saw our
rooms, you saw how we lived. Some of us were little girls when they got
here. In my country not even the pigs live like this, and you still want more
from us.

Detective: If you loved your country so much, you should have stayed
there. Don't worry. After the protocol we can deport you.

Lucja: I don't want to to go back.

Detective: It's not on me. Girls like you are usually illegal.

Lucja: Please.

Detective: Got your documents or not?

Lucja: I had a passport. It's true. But they

5
Detective: Not so fast, girl. If you wanna make an official declaration,
you have to wait for the detective.

Lucja: Who's the detective.

Detective: Me.

Lucja: Then help me, please!

Detective: That's what I'm here for. But not so fast. There are other
20 or 30 girls who

Lucja: Thirty four.

Detective: Thirty four other girls who are victims just like you. Some
of them are Mexican citizens.

Lucja: It's your duty to help us all.

Detective: And that's what I'm here for, and that's why you have to
follow the protocol.

Lucja: Don't send me back, please. You don't know what I'm
capable of.

Detective: Are you threatening me?

Lucja: I can show you Heaven's Gates if you let me.

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Detective: You're not showing me nothing until you follow the damn
protocol!

Lucja: You don't know what you're missing.

Detective: Look, girl I haven't slept for 40 hours or more, trying to

close your file. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep

Lucja: Oh poor little you

Detective: Shut the fuck up, or I'll send you swimming back to that
shit hole where you were born.
(Pause.) Or you can be nice to me and I'll be nice to you.
And the only thing I want right now is to get this job done once
and for all.
Will you cooperate?

Silence.

Detective: Tell me your name.

Lucja: Lucja.

Detective: Last name.

Lucja: Rydsewski.

Detective: Can you spell it for me?

Lucja: R Y D Z

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Detective: Fair enough. Job?

Lucja: You know what I did here.

Detective: Before you were kidnapped. (Pause.)

Back in your country? (Pause.) What was your job?

Lucja: I was born in Poland, but I came from Russia.

My father worked with the Communist Party until the Solidarity
Union lynched him.
I can't remember his face. But I do remember when I first saw
Lech Walesa on TV.
He'd just received the Nobel Peace Prize and

Detective: You're not answering about your actual job.

Lucja: I barely remember those days. I was happy. I think.

Then Lukcs came, he was Hungarian. Mama met him and
stopped drinking right away.
We went to meet Pope Karol Wojtyla so he would clean my
father's sins away.
Mama made me forget my father's last name and she gave me
Lukcs's.
So I was a communist's bastard daughter in the Devil's eyes,
and a Hungarian evangelist's daughter in the eyes of God.

Detective: I still don't get how this can help with our case.

Lucja: About my mom, on those days, I mostly remember the

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purple brand of violent hands bruised around her neck, her raccoon eyes,
and the sunglasses she wore every time we went out.

Mama: Hurry up, Lucja. I don't want to miss the Communion again.

Lucja: I hate going to church.

Mama: Have you seen my sunglasses?

Lucja: Churches smell like death.

Mama: Lucja, my glasses!

Lucja: I told you I don't know, mom.

Mama: You're useless, as always.

Lucja: You wouldn't have to wear those glasses if Lukcs didn't

beat the hell out of

Mama: Don't you ever talk about your father like that.

Lucja: He's not my father.

Mama: It's better to be with a strong man that can look out for us than
going on dreaming of a dead man.

Lucja: He doesn't love you, mom. You're a fool for not leaving
him.

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 Mama hits Lucja.

Detective: Domestic violence. Nice. It may even move the judge.

Lucja: Mama became a shadow of herself.

She didn't go out, she barely talked and one day she never
smiled again.
Lukcs never hit him in front of me, but hear her screams
through the walls
and how she cried herself to sleep.
Then Lukcs crawled out of his bed like a snake.
I could hear his breath getting closing, his mouth tasting the air
with his bifid tongue.
He lit a cigarette he took deep puffs, and his smoke crawled
under my door
until my whole room was flooded like an old sinking boat.

Detective: He raped you. (Silence.)

Lucja: He never opened my door. He stayed outside, smoking.

But one day, I heard my handle torn. A thread of light charged
inside my room.
And a smoky shadow crawled through my floor and under my
bed.

Detective: And what happened then?

Mama: I want you out of this house.

Lucja: What could I do? He's too strong, he's

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Mama: Shut up, Lucja, I just (Silence.)

Lucja: Mama, please Say something. Anything. Shout. Scream.

Beat me hard until I'm done for, but please don't leave me like this.

Mama: You're fourteen now. You're strong. You will survive outside. This
is no place for you anymore.

Lucja: You'd rather be with Lukcs? Look what he's done to you!
He took my whole life in one night and you don't care?

Mama: I'm done. When I look at you, I only see how much I've lost since
you were born. Go away. Suck the life out of someone else. Leave us alone.

Lucja: Please.

3.

A hospital.

Doctor: Sorry for making you wait, Mr Mariano. Here are your test
results. (Pause.)
You don't wanna know?

Mariano: No, thanks. I'm ok.

Doctor: I think you should read it yourself.

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 He gives Mariano a closed envelope. Mariano does not open it.

Mariano: It was just diarrhea. It's gone. I shouldn't have come.

Doctor: Read it, please.

Mariano: As soon as I get home, I will.

Doctor: I can't let you leave like this.

Mariano: I don't want to know.

Doctor: Mr Mariano, your diarrhea wasn't something you could ignore.

The fact that is gone does not mean you're alright. Sometimes important
symptoms do precisely that.

Mariano: Symptom? Symptom of what? I'm alright!

Doctor: You have cancer.

Mariano: I don't.

Doctor: You have pancreatic cancer. An exocrine tumor. An

adenocarcinoma that has already spread throughout your body. You're
stage four and

Mariano: Stick your metocarcinoma up your ass. I just wanna know if I'm
screwed or not.

Doctor: In your case, stage four means the cancer's already spread

12
thorough your digestive system, your lungs and your brain.

Mariano: Am I gonna live or not?

Doctor: No.

Mariano: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: It is hard to tell. Maybe two weeks, maybe two months.

Mariano: There's a big difference between two weeks and two months.

Doctor: We need to run more tests.

Mariano: I'd rather go now.

Doctor: I know a great thanatologist I can recommend.

Mariano: You've said enough. Thanks.

Mariano leaves

Ramn's house. Knocking on the door.

Ramn: Oh. It's you. What do you want? Crying again? You may fool
mom, but you can't fool me. I won't forgive you just because you come
crying like a little bitch.

Mariano: I'm not here to apologize.

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Ramn: Then what the hell do you want?

Mariano: Alright, Goddamn! I am here to apologize!

Ramn: Dad gave you everything he had, and the poor old bastard died
thinking you would go and visit him someday.

Mariano: I know.

Ramn: And you're still winning about some shit he told you years ago,
so you can't even go and visit.

Mariano: I wasn't winning.

Ramn: So what were you doing? Another pathetic call for attention? Or
you just didn't give a fuck.

Mariano: I'm sick.

Ramn: So you brought me your doctor's notice as a fucking excuse.

I don't wanna hear anymore shit from you.
Even if it was actually true, why would a damn cold keep you
from keeping your father company as he died.

Mariano: I have cancer.

Ramn: And that's the best you could come up with.

Mariano: I have cancer, goddamnit! In my pancreas. In my brain. (Pause.)

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Ramn: You're not lying. (Pause.) How much time you

Mariano: Fuck it.

He leaves.

Mariano in a decadent tabledance, in Garibaldi.

Ramn: I've been hours in this shit hole bar

drinking between the alcoholic breath of wasted men, and the
hips of the whores, shaking like dancing flames.
It's been years since I felt a woman melting over my body.
You grow shy about whores when you grow up,
and you can't even get hard when you're sick.
Cancer's like a fat warm crawling slowly inside my body,
every time I touch myself I end up throwing up.
I try to speak with each woman,
but I can only bite my tongue as I try to talk, I'm so wasted.
Words slip in my mouth, and my legs bend like slugs drying in
salt.
Until a whore didn't laugh at my jokes, she punched my testicles
with a wrath fed by her nights of miserable pay
her hate against every man that broke her, and all the mornings
she spent alone.
I can't recall anything else that happened in that shit hole.
I remember a dark alley in La Merced
that I can recall because of the neon sign of the station,
held over an electric post so large and hard as my dick or my
mediocrity.
Then I think: How would it feel if I hanged myself from un

15
there?
I could tie those cables around my neck and asphyxiate under a
shining night sky.
I'm climbing up there when

Estrella: You stink. You're drunk.

Mariano: I'm not.

Estrella: I can smell you from down here. If you climb any higher you'r
gonna fall down.

Mariano: Then I see her face. Another whore from La Merced,

but in my eyes, she's like a blue shining marble,
and her own eyes are like two dirty puddles
where all the children with no name go to wash their feet.

Estrella: You wanna take me for a walk?

Mariano: She holds my hand and takes me to an old bench, where we sit,
and she talks, and I think:
What the Hell? I could do it anywhere.

Mariano undresses himself.

Estrella: Not here. My name is Estrella. Come with me.

Mariano: She sinks her fingers under my hair and I think

It would me a damn shame if that chemo makes me bald,
no one's ever touched my head so fine, not even mom.

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 It feels nice.
Then I sink inside her puddle eyes, then my legs, my old and flat
ass,
my cancer festered organs and my rhythmless heart,
my neck so sad after it missed the gallows, my whole body sinks
inside her eyes.
When I wake up I'm home. I'm alone. I don't know how.

Another night at La Merced.

Mariano desperately looks for the girl that had him sleep on her thighs.

Girl: Looking for someone?

Mariano: How old are you, girl?

Girl: I'm twelve, darling. But I can bring Rosita if you like younger.

Mariano: No, thanks, girl. I'm looking for someone. Older.

Girl: Britney? She's fourteen. She'll be retired soon.

Mariano: No. A grown woman. Like me.

Girl: Must be the next street. We're only girls here.

Mariano: I saw her under right here.

Girl: Sure you don't wanna come? I've got no hair yet. You can come
inside me.

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Mariano: Leave me alone, kid.

Girl: Please. He's gonna beat me if I don't work today.

Mariano roars at her. The girl runs away.

Mariano: I walk three times around the block. She's not here.
I buy an ice cream. I'm so fucking dumb. She wasn't real. It was
the booze.
It was Death itself, breathing behind my neck.
I sit on a bench, my ice cream melts away. Minutes melt away,
and every second I have less and less time left.

Estrella: Hi, handsome.

A room in a motel.

Mariano: But I just found out I'm dying. I've talked too much, how about
you?

Estrella: I'm thirteen. At fourteen I'll have to leave here. I don't know
what I'll do then.

Mariano: What's your name?

Estrella: Estrella. Told you a hundred times. You sure you're alright?

Mariano: Your real name.

Estrella: I'm Estrella, alright?

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Mariano: Ok.

Estrella: Never seen you around. It's your first time?

Mariano: Yes. No. Undress.

She undresses herself. Tries to undress Mariano. He prevents her

from doing so.

Mariano: Turn off the lights, please.

She does. After a while.

Mariano: I'm sorry.

Estrella: It was alright.

Mariano: I work all night.

Estrella: If I'm late, El Tony will take my money away. And if I stay he's
gonna beat the shit out of me.

Mariano: Just a little while.

Estrella: Alright, come here.

She rests Mariano's head over her lap

Mariano: How did you know where I live?

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Estrella: What?

Mariano: The night we met. I walk up there. What happened?

Estrella: I can't tell.

Mariano laughs and slowly falls asleep. As soon as he is, Estrella

leavez.

4.

A dream.

Carlos: Me?

Mom: It's been so long, my little girl.

Carlos: What are you doing here?

Mom: Don't you know? This is our home.

Carlos: I'm back?

Mom: You never left. Your little soul's been here all along.

Carlos: Why are we here?

Mom: I came to tell you the story of the end.

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Carlos: The end of what?

Mom: Our end.

Carlos: I don't understand.

Mom: Birds open their cages at night, while we sleep they fly.

Carlos: I missed you.

Mom: Come, let me comb your pretty hair.

Carlos wakes up.

Another night, he and Pedro dance.

Pedro: What did you do then?

Carlos: Get the hell out of there, of course. I hate men who wear suits,
they have so depraved thoughts it's fucking gross.

Pedro: How about the money?

Carlos: I've fucked for money enough.

Pedro: What did he offer?

Carlos: His truck, only if I did what he said.

Pedro: Oh, babe, for what that fucking truck's worth, even I'd

21
done what ever sick fucking thing he said.

Carlos: I don't trust men who seek for other men dressed like women.

Pedro: Why not?

Carlos: It's fucking hypocritical to go half way.

Pedro: We all have different dreams.

Carlos: Fuck him.

Pedro: Did you think about me?

Carlos: No way. You, I've already got. That was about me.

Pedro: Bullshit.

Carlos: Why did you ask, if you know the truth?

Pedro: Well, I have questions, I have a question, and if you don't

answer me know, I think I'll die.

Carlos puts his hand inside his pockets. The house phone rings.

Carlos: Fucking phone.

Pedro: Then answer.

Carlos leaves, Pedro takes a wedding ring out of his pockett.

22
Pedro: Who called?

Carlos: I didn't answer. Someone called from Brazil.

Pedro: Come on, it's your family, pick up.

Carlos: I won't. You were gonna tell me some real important shit. Go on.

Pause. Pedro can't find the courage to talk. Phone rings again.

Carlos: I hate that fucking phone.

Pedro: Forget about the phone.

Carlos leaves. He answers the phone.

Carlos: Si? Bueno? Sim, ele fala. (Pausa.) - Hello? Yes, Iam.
Sim. E a minha me. (Pausa.) - Yes, she's my mother.
Ela morreu? Quando? (Pausa.) - She died? When?
No. (Pausa.) - No.
No. (Pausa.) - No
E meu tio Battista? Onde est? (Pausa.) - My auncle Battista?
Where is he?
No. (Pausa.) - No.
Sim, eu sou a sua unica familia. (Pausa.) -Yes, I'm all she had
left, I guess.
No. (Pausa.) - No.
No! (Pausa.) - No
Perdo, mas Eu no posso ir para o Brasil. - Sorry. I won't go

23
back to Brazil.
Nem, foder. Nem! - No, goddamn. No!

Hangs up.

Pedro: What happened?

Carlos: Don't fucking touch me.

Pedro: You want me to leave?

You want something to eat?

Carlos: Don't leave.

Pedro: Then what?

Carlos: I hate your whinny voice.

Pedro: Why?

Carlos: There it is. It's always about you, playing the victim's role, you
have to rub it on my face.

Pedro: Are you alright?

Carlos: No, you fucking dumbass. I haven't been alright for a while.
You've made fucking shit out of me.

Carlos is enraged and attacks Pedro. Pedro holds Carlos in his arms until
he's out of strength.

24
Pedro: You have to tell me what's wrong.

Carlos: Mae is dead.

A song by Dolores Duran.

Mom: You're calling Battista and Dolores,

we're not home.
Leave a message and we'll call soon enough.

Carlos: Mom, I know maybe I never I'm ok.

Mexico is pretty much like Brazil. Sometimes I forget I'm even
here.
It's weird to speak Spanish when talking to you,
but since I'm here it's the right thing to do.
I'm so stupid. It's been years since I last heard your voice,
and now, I feel almost inside the favela again, I felt
I'm ok. How's my uncle Battista? I hope
I still have the old cassette you gave me, by Dolores Duran.
I listen to it whenever I can.
I'm listening to it now, look
I'm still dancing too, you'd be surprised.

Awkward silence.

Carlos: I know you were always ashamed of me, 'cause you know.
I wish I'd been a fine daughter, but I'm not.
I'm a man, mom.
And I always think about you. Soon I won't be an

25
embarrassment to you.
I'm becoming what I should have been from the start.
I'm being reborn just for you.
I've got a job, I'm a dancer. I'm dancing for someone important,
a politician, something like that.
It pays well, this job, more than anything I've ever earned
and I'll be able to pay my operation, finally.

Pedro: No, I don't understand. What's changed?

Carlos: I did.

Pedro: In two days?

Carlos: That's how it is.

Pedro: You don't love me anymore?

Carlos: Maybe I never did.

Pedro: Then why are you here?

Carlos: Maybe you didn't love me.

Pedro: Don't you dare say that, for seven years, I've done

Carlos: For a man! Pedro, you want a fucking man!

Pedro: And what are you?

26
Carlos: I don't know! Fuck! I'm a fucking hybrid being, I'm a dragonfly
trapped in a damn cocoon, I'm a fucking freak.

Pedro: I love you.

Carlos: You'll feel that way next week?

Pedro: You're still thinking about that operation.

Carlos: And what's wrong with it?

Pedro: You should just accept who you are.

Carlos: That's what I'm doing! I'm not like you.

What would you do if you felt a stranger in your own skin?
How would you accept yourself? How would you deal with being
something you're not?
I'm a parasite living in an old piece of shit, waiting to infect the
right body.

Pedro: At least stay with me!

Carlos: Don't bullshit me.

You'll love me when I have two fat breasts and a hole between
my legs?

Pedro: Damn yes I will.

Carlos: Really? (Long silence.)

It's over babe. I'm changing. There'll be no place in my next life.

27
Pedro: Don't say that.

Carlos: But I mean the woman I'll be She doesn't have any place
in your life either.

Pedro: And what exactly do you want in your new life? (Pause.)

Carlos: I don't know, I I want I want what every girl wants

A successful man, someone to grow old with, I want a family
and stuff

Pedro: Don't be stupid, Carlos! Cutting your dick off doesn't mean
you can get pregnant.

Carlos: That's my problem, you fucking asshole. (Pause.)

I'll be a diva, like Dolores Duran.

Pedro: And what will happen with the life we've built.

Carlos: Keep it yourself.

Pedro: No. It's yours. So is this. (He gives Carlos a big load of
money.)

Carlos: What's this?

Pedro: It's all I've got. Take it.

Carlos: No.

28
Pedro: To get your new life started. I don't want anything that
smells like you.
I don't wanna see you after your sex change. I wanna remember
you this way.

Carlos: You were ready for this?

Pedro: I knew it would happen. But at least I tried.

Carlos takes the money.

Mom: You're calling Battista and Dolores,

we're not home.
Leave a message and we'll call soon enough.

Carlos: You always said:

No importa o que todo mundo diz, voce e uma mulher de
verdade.
It doesn't matter what they say, you're real woman.
People say you're worth for what's in your heart. Bullshit.
You are how you look outside.
I've always been a woman inside, but an incomplete one.
But I'm about to make it.
Surgeons in Mexico are the best.
No one will recognize me when they're done with me.
I know I've always been ashamed of me, but in just a few days
There'll be nothing left of the failure I've been.

29
5.

Detective: How old were you when you left home?

Lucja: I was fourteen. I didn't want to leave. My mother made

me.
I would never have left by myself, even if Lukcs was there.

Detective: And you got a job after you left

Lucja: At a bakery store. I swept the flour from the floor and
washed the trays.
A year later, the owner let me work in the cashier in exchange
for a favor.

Detective: He was an old man, wasn't he? You accepted?

Lucja: What else could I do? I was fifteen, I had no family, I never
finished school.
I dreamt about having a car, I dreamt about living in Italy or
France,
where people have nice lives.

Detective: And then?

Lucja: He said it would be only once, and he didn't lie.

After that, he was kind to me, but he never touched me.
Sometimes I wonder if having a father felt like that.
He left me in charge of his bakery store.
I was honest, but I always borrowed some coins.

30
 I didn't want to spend my life working for an old guy.
I saved every cent I stole, but it wasn't enough.
The cashier machine was always full of money.
Every time I opened it, I dreamt of stealing all that money,
changing my name and starting a new life somewhere else.
I was about to do it when I met a man.

Client: Damn storm. Something angered God.

Lucja: Hello, sir. How can I help you?

Client: I was just hiding from the storm.

Lucja: Well, it seems it's not raining anymore.

Client: May I use your restroom?

Lucja: It's only for clients.

Client: Then I'll be your client. What are you selling?

Lucja: Isn't it obvious? Bread.

Client: You make the bread?

Lucja: The owner does.

Client: Tell me your name, princess.

Lucja: I'm Lucja, and I'm no princess.

31
Client: It's a miserable place for a beautiful girl like you. How
much do you earn?

Lucja: Are you buying any bread?

Client: Answer my question first.

Lucja: You don't care how much I earn.

Client: Is that a way to treat your clients? What would your boss
say?

Lucja: He'd say you're not a client until you buy bread.

Client: I am your client, but I want no bread.

Look at your hands. You're a princess inside a birds cage.
What are you doing in here? You wanna live in a place that
stinks of old men?
You're gonna stay here till you're old yourself?
As you wish. But I can offer something way better.

Lucja: Where did you get that amount of money?

Client: It can be yours if you come with me, princess.

Lucja: What about this store?

Client: Fuck it.

32
Lucja: I can't leave this store.

Client: Then show me where you bake your bread.

Lucja: He did me over an old oven that was still warm.

I remember the flour covering my body,
his hands over my mouth drowning my moans,
and my body was shaking violently.
I'd never been so aroused, but it was not because of him,
it was the money he'd just shown me, it looked like freedom.
Since then

Detective: You're a whore?

Lucja: Since then I feel horny every time I smell warm bread.
That was the second time I almost die scragged.
In order to live, I had to hit him with a rolling pin.

Detective: You killed him?

Lucja: He didn't even lose consciousness.

He gave me the money, and left laughing. He never came back.
I learned two things that day:
First, that I didn't wanna live in that shit hole.
Second, that my road to freedom lied within my body.

Detective: So you left that baking store?

Lucja: I wanted to go, but I wasn't brave enough. Until I met

Rocco.

33
Rocco: Hello, sweetie. Same as always, please.

Lucja: Hi, mister Rocco.

Rocco: I'm as young as you. Don't you mister Rocco me.

Lucja: Here's your bread, Rocco.

Rocco: Truth is I didn't come for bread. I brought you this

imaginary flower.

Lucja: Why?

Rocco: I like you.

Lucja: And what the hell am I supposed to do with this?

Rocco: Whatever you want, it's your imaginary flower.

Lucja: Get the fuck out of here. I'll never be into someone like
you.

Rocco: Give me a chance! There's a good movie, I think it's about

dinosaurs, something like that

Lucja: Fuck off, Rocco. You're ugly as a rat. I'll never love you.

Detective: So you dumped the only man that treated you nicely.

34
Lucja: No one had ever given me an imaginary flower. I didn't
know what to do, I was scared.

Detective: But you saw him again, right?

Lucja: You can't get rid of him. Rocco is like a rat, I was right
about that.
When I got out of work, it was knowing. Rocco was waiting in
the dark.
Two months later, I'd left my job and I lived with him.

Rocco: You've got dreams, Lucja?

Lucja: You're asking if I dreamt about something or

Rocco: No, I'm asking if there's anything that you wish for with all
your heart.

Lucja: I only have you.

Rocco: I don't deserve you. I am one of those kids that always

ended up drowning in shit inside the toilet shit. I hated school. But one day
I'll have my revenge.

Lucja: You're resentful?

Rocco: Why would I be? I'm with the best girl in all the world. I
have ypur naked skin, I have your body.

Lucja: I'm not

35
Rocco: Let's leave. Let's get out of this shitty country once and for
all.

Lucja: Where do you want to go?

Rocco: Russia. Why do you laugh?

Lucja: Why would we go to Russia? What's in Russia? Only bears

and turks and drunkards.
We should go to London or Paris.

Rocco: Paris? Paris is full of fags and men who kill themselves.
Russia can also be full of shit, but there's tons of money if you
know where to find it.
See?

Lucja: What?

Rocco: I just said money and your eyes glittered.

Lucja: They did not.

Rocco: Yes they did! Money! See? They glittered again.

Lucja: Jackass.

Rocco: Let's go to Russia, please.

Lucja: What are we waiting for? Let's go right now.

36
Rocco: We're poor. We're not leaving just to end up cleaning some
cossack's toilet. I'm not gonna humiliate you like that.

Lucja: What's wrong?

Rocco: I'm a fucking loser, Lucja. I can't even get you out of this
damn country,

Lucja: Don't worry. We're gonna make money. We're gonna make
money together.

Rocco: How? We would need like 70 million rubles just to get

started in Moscou.

Lucja: How many Zloty is that?

Rocco: 4 million.

Lucja: How are we gonna make so much money?

Rocco: We can't. Unless

Forget it. I'd never ask that from you.

Lucja: Tell me, Rocco. (Pause.)

Rocco: You're gonna hate me if I do.

Lucja: I couldn't hate you. Even if I wanted to.

37
Rocco: It's really easy to hate.

Lucja: You'll always be the man that gave me an imaginary flower.

Really, Rocco. Whatever happens. (Pause.)

Rocco: Remember Marco? The Italian guy who owns the

carwash

Lucja: Yeah.

Rocco: He says (Takes a deep breath.)

This is not a good idea.

Lucja: Goddamn it, Rocco!

Rocco: He moves women. No street whores, it's nothing like that.

He has a classy business.

Lucja: I don't know where this is going

Rocco: I told you it wasn't a good idea.

Lucja: Tell me!

Rocco: Last Tuesday night, Marco was drunk in wine and vodka,
he said

Lucja: What???

Rocco: He said anyone of his clients would gladly pay a million

38
just to spend a night with you,

Lucja: A million Zloty?

Rocco: A million dollars. (Pause.) But I would never

Lucja: With a million dollars we could go anywhere.

Rocco: No, Lucja! It was a stupid idea, I'd never let anyone touch
you.

Lucja: Just once, Rocco. Then we'll go wherever we want.

(Pause.)

Rocco: Are you sure?

Lucja: I'd do anything for you.

6.

Mariano: What are you doing here?

Ramn: Just came to visit. I was worried.

Mariano: I was dying last night. I called you a thousand times, I needed
you to take me to the hospital. You didn't even answer your phone.

Ramn: I was busy. Sorry.

39
Mariano: What do you want?

Ramn: A hug from my brother, first. (They hug awkwardly.)

Now be a good boy and sign this.

Mariano: What's this?

Ramn: It states that, when you die hopefully not for a long, long time
my father's inheritance will stay within the family.

Mariano: Fuck you.

Ramn: Don't worry. You can spend anything you want before you die.
Even if you're a drunkard and love whores so much

Mariano: Leave me alone. Fuck off.

Ramn: Don't be such a bastard, Mariano! What do you want so much

money for?

Mariano: I don't even have a fucking hole to drop dead and you wanna
take it from me.

Ramn: Come on, Mariano, you won't (Mariano throws up all over
him.)
You're so fucking disgusting, bro.

Ramn leaves.

A room in a decadent motel.

40
Mariano: Don't touch me. Please. I'm a disgusting old fart. I can't even
get a boner anymore.

Estrella: The why did you bring me here?

Mariano: Tell me a story, please.

Estrella: I don't know no stories.

Mariano: Tell me a story about your life.

Estrella: I don't like that story.

Mariano: Where were you born? (Pause.)

Estrella: I'm from Tenancingo, it's a town in Tlaxcala.

Mariano: Where's your family.

Estrella: I have a brother.

Mariano: Your mom? Your dad?

Estrella: My mom looks after my brother, but I've not seen them for a
long time.

Mariano: And your dad? (Silence.)

How did you end up being

41
Estrella: A whore? Many girls in Tenancingo are just like me.

Mariano: They made you do it?

Estrella: No one forced me to anything. Dad said I had to do something

with my life. My brother was thinner each time, so I found a job. But I like
it. In Tenancingo streets smell like cat piss. I'd rather be here.

Mariano: It was your dad, right? He made you work as a whore.

Estrella: Can we please stop talking about my dad?

Mariano: As you wish.

Estrella: I've been four years in here. I send my brother half of what I
make and

Mariano crawls in pain.

Mariano: It's alright. It's just that fucking worm. Never mind, tell me
more.

Estrella: Worm? What are you talking about? Are you really alright?

Mariano: Yes! Goddamnit! I'm fine. Tell me more.

Hospital.

Mariano: Doctor, I need more time.

42
Doctor: Any treatment now would only elongate your suffering until the
end.

Mariano: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Two weeks. Maybe less.

Mariano: Can I go out of town?

Doctor: In one week you won't even be able to leave this hospital. You'll
be in unbearable pain.
But we can ease that pain. We will start you on opioid
painkillers, so

Mariano: Bullshit. What the hell are you talking about? Soon I'll be unable
to wipe my own butthole and you talk about easing the pain. Fuck you! I'd
just I'd like a little more time I want I wish I'd met her before. Before
all of this.

Motel.

Estrella: So you'll be fine?

Mariano: Thanks to chemo. I'll be fully recovered soon. And when I'm
fine, we'll get the hell out of here. I'll take to see the ocean for the first
time.

Estrella: I know the ocean. Dad took us to Veracruz years ago.

Mariano: Then I'll take you back so you can see it again.

43
Estrella: I hate the ocean. I'd rather be in a city.

Mariano: We'll go wherever you want.

Estrella: I'm just messing with you. Take me wherever you want.
But what am I going to do if I'm not a whore? I don't know
anything else. I'l never get another job.

Mariano: I'll take care of you.

Estrella: I like to take care of myself.

Mariano: And you won't need anyone else. Ever. I promise. You just have
to give me your name.

Estrella: You know my name.

Mariano: Your real name. Your family name.

Estrella: I don't need any of that shit.

Mariano: Please! I won't be able to help you if

Estrella: I don't need anything from you.

Mariano: Don't be so stubborn, please!

Estrella: Let me go!

44
Mariano: Listen to me, Goddamnit! I just need your name, I won't tell
anyone. Listen to me! Fuck! It's the only thing I ask of you before I die!

Estrella: You said you'd be alright!

Mariano: Well I'm not. And I want to leave you everything I have, so
please

Estrella: Don't fucking touch me.

Estrella leaves.

7.

Carlos dances in a bar, dressed like a girl, in a favela in Rio de Janeiro.

As he dances, his mother meets another man.

Mom: Quanto voce pode me pagar por ele, Battista?

How much can you pay me for him, Battista?

Battista: Tem certeza? Que tipo de me vende seu filho?

Are you sure? What kind of mother would sell her own son?

Mom: Uma me decepcionada. E onde vos ides lev-lo?

A mother who was deeply disappointed. Where are you gonna
take him?

Battista: Mexico. Os mexicanos pagam bem. Eles amam os bichas.

To Mexico. Mexicans pay good money. They loved faggots
dressing like girls.

45
The man whispers something in her ear. She shakes his hand to seal the
deal. Carlos recognizes his mother in the audience. He's nervous, but goes
on dancing.

Outside Carlos's house, in the favela. Carlos is 14, and his voice just
changed.

Mom: Os demonios sempre sero demonios. Voce nunca vai ser

uma mulher.
Demons will always be demons. You'll never be a woman

Carlos: O que vou fazer sem voce?

What am I gnna do without you?

Madre: Se voce me ama, voce deve cortar e correr. Antes de voce se

tornar um demonio e voce me destruir, tal como o seu pai.
If you love me, then you're gonna leave right now, before you
become a despicable demon before you destroy me just like your father
did.

Carlos: Para onde eu vou? No tenho para onde ir.

Where? I've got nowhere to go?

Madre: Eu apresento a teu tio Battista. Ele e meu novo companheiro.

Ele vai te ensinar como ser uma mulher real.
This is your uncle, Battista. He's my partner now. He'll show you
how to behave like a real lady would.

Battista: Ol, menino. Que belo eres.

46
 Hello, boy. You're a gorgeous one.

Carlos: No quero.
I don't wanna go.

Madre: Eu lev-lo, Battista. Eu no quero que este porco deu um passo

em minha casa nunca mais.
Take him away, Battista. I don't want this pig to take a single
step inside my home, ever again.

Uncle Battista takes Carlos away.

A night club.

Boss: That little bitch almost had me fool. You almost fooled me,
you sick bastard. But you're an awesome dancer. It's nothing personal. I've
got nothing against fags. I've even fucked some of them when I'm drunk.
But I'm not gonna forgive any single fucker that messes with me. SO why
would you mess with me, you fucking asshole?

Carlos: She was just a little girl.

Boss: Rosita was my little girl. I bought her since she worked in
La Merced, I rescued her.

Carlos: Then why would you let them do that to her?

Boss: It's a party, you dumbass. People wanna play.

Carlos: Is this your idea of a game?

47
Boss: A damn queen like me can play whatever she wants. I call
this game: Help the little ass find her tail.

Carlos: You're disgusting.

Boss: Shhh. Hear something. I can hear the ants walking. Can
you hear the ants? Millions walking on the floor. Can you hear them?

Carlos: No.

Boss: Me neither. I don't hear them, even if there's millions of

them. Tell me: Have you ever killed ants before?

Carlos: Yes.

Boss: How did you kill them. Tell me!

Carlos: I crushed them with my finger. I burned them with a lighter. I

once poured boiling water on their anthill.

Boss: Just for the sake of it, ain't that right? It's beautiful to kill
such a small being. Can you tell me how many ants you've killed?

Carlos: I don't know.

Boss: See? Now we are really getting somewhere, you and me.
Tirantes! It's your birthday today, right?

Hitman: Yes, Boss.

48
Boss: Come on, dance for him.
Dance, you son of a bitch!
No no no no, dance like you danced in there.
You've got such delicious hips, where are you from?

Carlos: Brazil.

Boss: And how long have you been here?

Carlos: Seven years.

Boss: And you were always a whore?

Carlos: I'm a diva, not a whore.

Boss: Oh yeah? And what's your name, diva?

Carlos: Dolores.

Boss: Oh, my fucking God, you're killing me. I really love you,
bitch, I do. I'd like to play with you all night long, but they're calling me.
Next girl's up for our new game.

Carlos: No, please, leave her alone!

Boss: Oh, this little bitch is nothing like the one we ripped apart
before. She's classy stuff. Her name's Frida. Her mother worked in Solid
Gold. Fine flesh!

49
Carlos: Leave her alone! Play with me instead, you sick fuck!

Boss: You know what, Tirantes? Take him to the junkyard and
teach this bitch some manners.
He wants to be a lady, let's make a fucking lady out of her.
I want you to cut his dick off and bring it back to me.
You can do whatever you want with him after that.
Let's get this party back on track!

8.

Detective: So your perfect boyfriend just sold you as a common

whore.

Lucja: Marco's client paid a million dollars for two nights with
me. So I was told. I never saw any money.

Detective: And it didn't end in there, right?

Lucja: Marco found new clients and I, who was worth a million
dollars, became cheaper each time. But I never complained. Rocco always
found his way with words.

Detective: A cheater.

Lucja: And so fucking charming.

Detective: That's what they all say. And you went to Russia in the
end?

50
Lucja: Every night, after he sold me, I waited him home, listening
to a piano concerto by Handel, with our bags ready, as he was negotiating
our pay. But months passed by before we finally left. And on that day
Something changed

Rocco: You liked it, didn't you? Fucking all those men?

Lucja: Don't you ever say that again.

Rocco: You were always a filthy whore deep inside.

Lucja: What the Hell is wrong with you?

Rocco: Marco says all his clients leave with a smile on their face.
He says he's never seen a whore as happy as you.

Lucja: I just did as you told me. It was your idea.

Rocco: But it wasn't the first time you fucked for money, right?
(Pause.)
Answer me!

Lucja: No.

Rocco: No?

Lucja: It was not the first time, alright?

Rocco: You suck your clients' dicks?

51
Lucja: Don't ask me that, please.

Rocco: It's an easy question, you dumb bitch! You suck their cocks
or not?

Lucja: Yes.

Rocco: Do you brush your teeth after they cum in your mouth? Do
you brush your teeth before sleeping with me?

Lucja: I do, Rocco. I brush my teeth like ten times. Each time.
Calm down, please.

Rocco: You said you had no dreams, but it seems you love to be
fucked in every hole. Maybe that is your only dream.

Lucja: I keep my eyes closed. Each time. I close my eyes and

think of you.

Rocco: And how many times have you come thinking about me?

Lucja: Rocco, you're hurting me.

Rocco: I want you to suck me like you suck all those dirty pigs.

Lucja: Let me go!

Rocco: Fuck you! I know exactly where you belong. I know a place
in Moscow perfect for whores just like you.

52
Lucja: You said you've never been in Moscow.

Rocco: Open your mouth.

Lucja: Please, Rocco. Everybody's watching. It's a fucking train!

Rocco: If you can suck a stranger's dick in a filthy motel, why

can't you suck me here?
Open your fucking mouth!

Detective: Go on! What happened then?

Lucja: What do you think? You want every detail?

Detective: It's important for the archive.

Lucja: I did! I always did as he told me!

Detective: And what happened when you arrived in Moscow?

Lucja: I don't know if that was his plan from the very start, or if
he just stopped loving me.
But when we arrived, Rocco could speak Russian like a native
and he knew let's just say he knew the right people.

Rocco: What are you doing?

53
Lucja: Nothing.

Rocco: Change your clothes. You've got work.

Lucja: Work? What work?

Rocco: Take a guess.

Lucja: He took me to the brothel that day.

Detective: And you remember where was that brothel?

Lucja: Why? You're gonna save those girls too?

Detective: (Laughs.) How old were you when you started working
there?

Lucja: I was sixteen. Rocco took me there every morning and he

picked me up each night. First he stopped kissing me. Then he wouldn't
talk to me at all.

Detective: Why didn't you run away?

Lucja: There were guards watching every step we took. They

even went inside the toilet with us. They stayed with me until Rocco
arrived to pick me up.

Detective: So you never tried to run away?

54
Lucja: The only time my guard got distracted, I ran outside, to
the streets in Moscow.

Detective: And what happened?

Lucja: I ran a few blocks and then I just stopped.

Moscow was huge, way colder than Krakow. Men passed by but
none would even look at you. Russians were like specters walking on the
streets and I I had no one that would listen to my story, I had no home to
go back to.

Detective: You just stayed there?

Lucja: What else could I do? If nobody thinks about you before
falling asleep If you can disappear from this world without anyone
noticing, if nobody cares Then you don't even exist. It doesn't matter
how much you wanna believe in yourself.

Detective: What happened them?

Lucja: Rocco found me. He beat the shit out of me, but I didn't
scream. I chose to stay with him I chose to exist, even in that way. When
we got home, we listened to Handel's Sarabande while he sold me on the
deep web. Since then, that word, Handel, has a wild and beautiful meaning
for me.

Detective: You knew he was selling you?

Lucja: I even posed for the pictures he took.

55
Detective: Why would you do that? You didn't even complain?

Lucja: Wherever I was bought, it would be the same.

Detective: You didn't try to escape. Not even then. What about your
dream of being free?

Lucja: You can't be free if you don't exist. At least this way, I'd
have clients who would think of me.

Detective: So you were bought here in Mexico.

Lucja: Rocco sold me on a web auction. He chose whoever paid

better. It was this place. Solid Gold. They said it was a classy place. Rocco
didn't even say goodbye.

Detective: And how was your life in here?

Galatea: Don't you think you're special just because you're pretty and
white. I am the top bitch here.

Lucja: As you wish.

Galatea: If you need anything, first you talk to me, only I can talk to our
pimps. Don't you dare steal my clients away. Don't you dare look prettier
than me or I'll rip off your face with this nails. You like them?
Don't worry. If you're good to me, I'll look after you. Just stay
quiet, please. See that little girl? Her mama worked here for years. When
she was born, mama tried to escape, you don't wanna know what

56
happened to mama. I'll just say they found pieces of mama al throughout
the city. Now they're training mama's little girl.

Lucja: What for?

Galatea: Can't you see how pretty she is? Her name's Frida. Soon she'll
be working on VIP.

Lucja: She's like five years old.

Galatea: If you like her so much, you can look after her. She's a whiny
little bitch.

Lucja: I don't like her that much.

Galatea: I like you, babe. You're pretty but not a smug like the other
girls. Be careful with the Colombian bitches. They're the worst. If you're
not careful, they'll crush you between their huge butt cheeks. By the way,
my name's Galatea. What's yours?

Lucja: Lucja.

Galatea: Too simple. You gotta find a better name. Put this heels on, and
be sure to stuff plenty of socks inside your bra until you get a boob job,
'cause you're flat as a table, dear. Now put some pink in those lips and
tighten your ass, 'cause our pimp is coming to meet you soon.

Lucja: I've been here ever since. At Solid Gold. All my clients
wore a suit. I looked after Frida until an asshole went too far. We buried

57
her in the backyard. She was six years old. That was the last time I cried.

Detective: How long did you work here?

Lucja: Six years.

Detective: How many clients did you work each day?

Lucja: At least thirty.

Detective: How many services did you perform since you're here?

Lucja: You think I counted them all?

Detective: Give me your best guess, then For the record.

Lucja: I did count them. Each one of them. We all do. Thirty four
thousand, two hundred and forty one.

Detective: You always had a different client?

Lucja: Many came back to me. Some of them even fell in love
with me.

Detective: Did you ever try to run away from here?

Lucja: I've told you already I've got nowhere to go. Are we done?

Detective: Just one more question: If you don't care about anything,
why don't you wanna go back to your country?

58
Lucja: Mind your own fucking business.

Detective: Don't be rude, girl. I've got plenty of friends who can help.
But you gotta be good to me.

The detective touches her breasts.

9.

Lawyer: Mariano Morales? Pleased to meet you. I'm Diego Robledo. I'm
your brother's lawyer.

Mariano: What do you want?

Lawyer: Your brother wants to reach an agreement with you.

Mariano: An agreement about?

Lawyer: We know you had sexual intercourse with an underaged

prostitute. That's a serious felony, even if you're terminally ill.

Mariano: I did nothing.

Lawyer: We've got pictures of you.

Mariano: Where did you get these?

Lawyer: You should be extra careful when you visit a Motel.

59
Mariano: What do you want from me?

Lawyer: You know what would happen if we press charges against you?

Mariano: Come on, I'll be dead in days.

Lawyer: I think you'd rather die with your family than die alone in jail.

Mariano: I don't have any family left.

Lawyer: Well, I know you intend to leave all your money for that girl. But
if we press charges, she won't receive a single cent from you, and she will
end up in juvenile prison.

Mariano: She's a good girl.

Lawyer: Under our current laws, prostitution is a crime punishable by

jail.

Mariano: Come on! I've seen tens of cops soliciting hookers.

Lawyer: If we press charges, you can be certain she'll spend more years
in jail than she's ever lived. But if you're reasonable and sign this will,
she'll get a reasonable amount of money after you're gone.

Mariano: How much?

Lawyer: A thousand pesos, cash.

60
Mariano: A thousand fucking pesos? You're a bunch of fucking leeches.

Lawyer: Mr Mariano, this is your last chance.

Mariano: You know what I think of your last chance? (Mariano spits on
the lawyer's face.)
Now get the fuck out of here, and tell my brother to fuck
himself.

At the park where Mariano and Estrella first met.

Mariano: Where is Estrella? She's not working today? Tell me. Please. I'll
pay you well. Here. Now tell me where to find her. No, I don't want any
company, I just wanna know where is Estrella. You don't know her? Don't
lie! Tell me please! Where is Estrella? Don't give me that bullshit! You
know where she is. Whores can't lie. Oh, your pimp's coming to kick my
ass? Let him come! He can kill me if he wants, I just wanna know where
Estrella is! What? Am I hurting you? You have it coming, you little whore.
And I'll hurt you even more if you don't tell me

Mariano crawls in pain. He faints. Estrella comes and touches his

forehead. Mariano wakes up.

Mariano: Estrella?

She doesn't talk, she puts something inside Mariano's pocket and
leaves.
Mariano crawls following her, but he faints.

61
 Mariano's house. A police agent knocks the door.

Agent: Mr Mariano Morales?

Mariano: Who are you? What do you want?

Agent: You're under arrest for soliciting prostitution, child abuse

and assault with a weapon.

Mariano: I never assaulted anyone.

Agent: Come with me please. You have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say may be used against you.

Mariano: Yes. I'll go. But I need a favor first. Please, miss.

Agent: Officer Vazquez.

Mariano: Officer Vazquez. First, take this envelope with my written

confession.
Then, please give me just two minutes. You know? I have cancer
and I can't control my you know.

Agent: Hurry up, please.

Minutes go by. The agent receives a call.

Agent: Vazquez here. What? You sure? Son of a bitch!

62
10.

Back on the junkyard where Carlos was killed.

Carlos: They say your whole life passes before your eyes before you die.
Bullshit. You get one moment, that's it.
All your life you'd prepared for a single moment that's worth
every second you've lived.
A memory where you're safe.
Just like being a kid and hiding in a trunk, and in there
you feel like nothing can hurt you.
Your problems go away in the waves,
you're floating in a vast ocean,
where nobody can reach you anymore.
That's your last memory. Your only safe place.
And you stay there, to relive that moment over an over again.
One memory that's worth your whole life.

11.

Lucja: Mexicans love Christmas.

All the city's tainted in colors.
From this roof, you can see the whole city sunk in little lights.
I feel like singing right now.
Three floors under me, the detective lies in his bed.
And a bloody puddle soaks his sheets.
Men having an orgasm and men drowning look just the same.
I've had my client's weapons close enough many times before,
men love guns, but I wasn't ready to kill. Today was my first

63
time.
There's a legend, back in Poland,
about a spirit that roams in the forest. He eats men in order to
live.
My mother told me that story, I'd forgotten it, but I remembered
today.
I still can't remember that spirit's name. So I'll name him Lucja.
We're just the same.
I've got nothing left besides that name, and the freedom I've
just found.
I found it inside a man's corpse, cooling down three floors down.
Who would have guessed that's the only thing I needed in order
to exist.

12.

Estrella: You have the loneliest grave.

And I didn't even bring in flowers. What a dumbass girl.
In Tenancingo, dad took us every night to count the stars in the
sky.
It's the only beautiful thing I remember from that place.
One day, dad became a dog.
He drank beer, he bit the ones that loved him, until his liver
burst.
I want to remember a man counting stars,
but he's the same old dog that was burnt in a trash can when he
died,
and his blood burned fast enough in so much alcohol.
My brother and mother don't even have a tiny floor to swipe the
dust,

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 but they hang on to the bones of that old jaw that bit them so
much.
The ashes should always blow in the wind.
Once a whore, always a whore. I'm better off this way. I'm afraid
of what's out there.
I do wanna tell you my name. Mariana.
But sure you already know.

Mariano: Mariana. What are the odds.

When I read your name, I imagined you sitting next to a grave
that you'll never visit.
I wish we could carve our sighs in solid rock,
or have a long, long conversation in silence as we grow old.
I wish I could see the world after I hang myself.
Mariana. I wanna drown in your girly thighs,
I wanna teach you all the secrets I've gathered through my life,
I wanna tell you about every time I fucked up so you won't
repeat my mistakes.
They say when you're hanged, you shit your pants before you
die.
I want all my shit outside my body, I wanna die clean for you.
I want to walk as a ghost back to that little park where we met.
I wanna play with your water marbles,
I wanna sink in your dirty puddles,
I wanna suck your legs until I quench my thirst away.

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