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10 Powerful Persuasion
Techniques for Establishing
Rapport
Author
Derek Smith
Investor from Bowie, Maryland
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Anybody who loves real estate probably loves it because they realize that it can achieve their
dreams and earn a great living.
In other words, they love persuasion, which boils down to these three keys: establish rapport,
establish rapport and establish rapport. You cant really have a persuasive power over people
unless you have their trustand you cant have their trust if you dont take the time to build a
relationship. A solid relationship is the groundwork for persuasion.
But how do you create that relationshiphow do you build that rapport? In coming articles
Im going to run a series on developing persuasive power. But for now, to get you started,
here are ten ideas you can actually start using this very day:
1. Know what you want. You have to understand what makes you tick before you will ever
be persuasive. You have to understand what you want out of life and who you are. What
drives you? Is it power or money? Making people happy? Who are you? Powerful persuasion
starts with soul searching questions.
2. Make people feel like the center of the universe. Get your head out of your rear and start
caring about other people. Start treating them like royalty and you will begin to have
incredible influence over their lives.
3. Compliment people constantly. People love to be complemented. Yes, its flattery, but
there is nothing like buttering people upeven if they know that is what you are doing.
People love to feel like the center of the universe, and they like to be told good things about
themselves. That bolsters their ego and self-esteem, so do it! For you its like investing in that
person that allows you to make withdrawals when the time comes.
4. Remember peoples name. Dont you love it when someone remembers your name
Well so do they. You cant really start to make someone feel like the center of the universe if
you dont remember their name, can you? Look for tricks to do that.
5. Give power to other people. This includes things like freedom and purpose. Give them
room to make decisions and make them see the bigger purpose. Help them achieve their
dreams and you are giving them power. As is said, if you help others to achieve their dreams
you too will achieve yours.
6. Be positive. No one likes a negative person. Even if a negative situation arises, you can
control and influence people if you can find ways to remain solid and upbeat even in the
midst of a storm. That kind of influence attracts people. You can also help avoid people
making bad decisions by guiding them towards thinking about situations and questions when
they are not so emotionalwhether positively or negatively.
7. Understand the person. Of course, if you dont know anything about your prospect, you
really dont know what to give them to influence them. Take the time to get to know your
prospect or client. Try to invest as much time into the relationship as you invest into getting
the deal closed.
8. Develop a sense of humor. Have you ever noticed that some of the most influential
people are very funny? They like people and they like to make them laugh. Give it a
trylearn a few jokes, learn how to tell a story and start making people laugh.
9. Ask better questions. You can influence people by simply asking questions. Ask the
right questions and you will be irresistible.
10. Relax. Even the most influential people lose. When that happens to you, dont take
yourself so serious. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Following these techniques will put you on the path to building your power to persuade.
1. First, state the name of the person being introduced to. This is the
higher-ranking person.
2. Second, say I would like to introduce or, please meet or, this is,
etc.
3. Third, state the name of the person being introduced. This is the
lower-ranking person.
4. Finally, offer some details about each, as appropriate. As I wrote in a
previous article, add a snippet of information about a topic of common
interest between the two parties. Do not elaborate. This will help them
connect and pursue a conversation.
A team of
A customer Mr. Customer, this is my sales team
employees
When introducing a man and a woman at work, consider their positions and
seniorities alone. Outside of work, it may be more appropriate to introduce
a man to a woman, in contradiction to the above guidelines. Be judicious
and sensitive.
Concluding Thoughts
Many people have difficulty introducing people to one another and helping
initiate a conversation. With some practice and a sense of social and/or
professional ranking, you too can master the art of introduction.
Share this:
1) Posture
One of the first key things people notice is how you carry and present yourself. Do you walk and
stand with confidence like your mother taught you?
Stomach in
Chest out
Shoulders back
Head up
Or do you slouch, perhaps with your shoulders drooping, your head forward and your stomach
protruding? Are you saying to people that you are not sure of yourself, are not poised and,
therefore, not the one they should seek out and get to know? You may be turning people away
without even being aware of it.
Command respect by standing tall and claiming the space to which you are entitled. Plant your
feet about six to eight inches apart with one slightly in front of the others. My workshop attendees
always remark about how this positioning makes them feel "grounded," "rooted" and "balanced"
... great ways to start any encounter!
You also tell people through your posture if you are want others to approach you. For instance, if
you are talking with one other person and the two of you are forming a rectangle, you will give
the message that you have "closed off" your space and don't want to be interrupted. If you doubt
me, stand by two people who are in the rectangular position and see how long you go
unacknowledged. The two will see you out of their peripheral vision, but won't include you until
they have finished their "private" conversation. If, on the other hand, the two of you stand with
your feet pointed outward like two sides of an incomplete triangle, you will be inviting others into
the conversation. You can make that all-important eye contact.
2) Handshakes
Another vital component you need to bring to any interpersonal encounter is a firm handshake.
Again, those few seconds you "shake" can empower or weaken a relationship. Men's
handshakes are typically strong and firm because they naturally have a stronger grip.
Women, get a grip and be noticed! I once got a client because the man I shook hands with
remarked about my strong handshake and asked what I did. He decided it was time to hire me to
teach his people how to shake hands, too!
Being familiar with the following handshakes will help you immensely in your relationship-building
activities:
Controller
A person extends his hand to you, web-to-web, and as soon as your hands are linked, he
purposely maneuvers his hand onto the top. He's telling you he wants to be in charge. Keep that
in mind as the interaction continues.
Sandwich
Use this one only with people you know. When you envelop another person's hands, you are
invading their private space ... where you are to be only when invited. Society promotes the
standard handshake but is not as tolerant of using both hands. By the way, this handshake is
also known as the politician's handshake ... which may be cause enough for most people to
avoid it!
Dead Fish
Imagine rubbing a scaly, dead fish in your hands ... and you got the picture. Your hands typically
are wet for two reasons: You are nervous or you have been holding a cold beverage in your right
hand and move it to your left just before you shake hands. In either case, it is extremely
unpleasant for the receiver. If you experience anxiety, wipe your hands on a napkin, the
tablecloth or even lightly on your clothes. What you spend at the dry cleaners will be paid for
quickly by the better impression you make. As for the beverage, use common sense.
Limp Fingers
Women, far more than men, extend their fingers rather than their entire hand. It can be painful for
the extender, when she is greeted by a man who shakes with his forceful grip. Men tell me this
frequently leads to their giving women a lighter handshake. Professional women respond that
they want to be treated equally. One of the ways to combat this syndrome is to always extend
you full hand (never cup it) horizontally, even if your grip is light.
Ingredients of a Good Handshake
3) Eye Contact
Make it and keep it! Not only does focused eye contact display confidence on your part, it also
helps you understand what the other person is really saying verbally.
When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of
the first. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Looking someone in the eye as you meet and talk with him/her also shows you are paying
attention. Listening is the most important human relations skill, and good eye contact plays a
large part in conveying our interest in others.
When to look
Begin as soon as you engage someone in a conversation. However, you may wish to start even
earlier if you are trying to get someone's attention. Continue it throughout the conversation. Be
sure to maintain direct eye contact as you are saying "good-bye." It will help leave a positive,
powerful lasting impression.
Where to look
Imagine an inverted triangle in your face with the base of it just above your eyes. The other two
sides descend from it and come to a point between your nose and your lips. That's the
suggested area to "look at" during business conversations. Socially, the point of the triangle
drops to include the chin and neck areas. When people look you "up and down," it's probably
more than business or a casual social situation they have in mind!
How long to look
I suggest about 80 - 90 percent of the time. Less than that can be interpreted as discomfort,
evasiveness, lack of confidence or boredom. When you stare longer, it can be construed as
being too direct, dominant or forceful and make the other person uncomfortable. It's okay to
glance down occasionally as long as your gaze returns quickly to the other person. Avoid looking
over the other person's shoulders as if you were seeking out someone more interesting to talk
with.
4) Smiles
Smiles are an important facial expression. They show interest, excitement, empathy, concern;
they create an upbeat, positive environment. Smiles can, however, be overused. Often, men
smile when they are pleased; women smile to please. You know which is the most powerful!
To gain and increase respect, first establish your presence in a room, then smile. It is far more
professional than to enter a room giggling or "all smiles."
As you review and tweak your body language for your next interpersonal encounter, I suggest
you keep in mind another Emerson saying:
What you are stands over you the while and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the
contrary.
The business casual look that really took hold in the 1990s workplace has made it more difficult
to look as professional and powerful as before B.C. While some laud the trend, others think it
shows less respect for self and others.
Women frequently suffer more negative career consequences from business casual dress than
men because they have far more choices. Women often choose leggings, stirrup pants, mini
skirts and skorts. For men, casual typically means pants and a shirt or sweater. Their biggest
fault may be to choose jeans or sweat pants or muscle T-shirts.
Learning the art of impression management - planning how you look and how you act to get a
certain reaction - is sure to impact your career or business more favorably!
You tell others how to treat you. Your business associates and coworkers mirror whether you
want to be treated as Number One or Number Ten in your area of expertise and how much
respect you want.
Brown shows that you are dependable and stable - however you lack power and authority.
White is a good choice for a blouse or shirt since it connotes clean, formal and
sophisticated.
Every color has a message of its own. How you put them together sends your message.
Style
Here again business casual takes its toll, if it's power and professionalism you want to
convey.
A suit coat with long sleeves, slightly padded shoulders and a collar make you appear one-
third more powerful. (You sales will come easier when you know when to take your suit
jacket off in a sales call and when to put it back on!)
Shoulder pads add authority.
Pleats and darts add bulks.
Vertical lines formed by classic three-button jackets contribute to the illusion of heights, as
do pin stripes.
Single-breasted jackets with a center vent are best for men and women of average height.
Double-breasted jackets complement taller people.
Fit
Few people have "hanger figures." Almost all of you need help to make your clothes look as
if they were made for you. Many stores offer free tailoring. If not, find a neighborhood tailor
who can do wonders with a nip here and tuck there. Take the shoes and any other items you
will wear with the garment so your tailor can work with the real thing.
Knowing that you have chosen the right color, style and fit for the occasion will give you
increased self-confidence and add immeasurably to your presentation ... of yourself and your
products and services.
I remember the man who said, "organized, because everything from your suit to your blouse
to your shoes to your hose to your jewelry is coordinated and looks as if it came together."
Recruiters tell me they use appearance to judge organizational skills. If they know where the
potential employee parked, they may send someone to walk around the car to see if it looks
clean and orderly ... or if it resembles the refuse bin for a fast-food restaurant or the
repository for a week's clothing that needs to be taken to the cleaners.
Soundness of judgment
Knowing and wearing the right outfit for the right occasion is an important indicator of
whether you can make the right decisions at work, too. When I owned a business leads group
and held after-hour events, most of the attendees wore suits or business casual wear. The
member who owned a singles dating service and came attired in black velvet slacks, a
rhinestone-studded strapless top and a black shawl turned more than one eye! She may have
been dressed appropriately for one of her events, but not for a business event. She made a
statement, and judging by all the comments I received, I doubt it was the one she wanted to
make. Know when to wear a suit, business casual or formal attire to blend in appropriately.
Attention to detail
About 90 percent of your body is clothed in business - the remaining 10 percent of your
impression is made through your grooming and includes manicured nails, trimmed mustache
and beard, lack of a 5 o'clock shadow, neat and attractive hair style and the right amount of
makeup and jewelry that can be seen and not heard.
Creativity
While some jobs allow more creative expression than others, all of them permit you to
individualize at least a bit. Express your uniqueness through a special tie and matching
hankie, a scarf or a special or exquisite piece of jewelry. Maybe your mark will become the
special way you tie a scarf or how you find just the right one to complement or coordinate
with your suit and blouse ... or maybe a pair of cuff links that looks expensive yet apropos for
your important meeting.
Reliability
The sum of the above adds up to how reliable you are ... from the big picture to the details.
Can you be counted on to look and behave in a professional manner wherever your job takes
you?
Lillian D. Bjorseth, according to the The Chicago Tribune, is a "networking expert". The Association Forum of
Chicagoland calls her "the business networking authority". She's a speaker, trainer and author who helps entrepreneurs
through Fortune 100 employees build high-value relationships by honing their business development, business
networking and communication skills. For more information, visit www.duoforce.com.
Read all advice by Lillian D. Bjorseth; Find more Business Attire experts
More advice on Business Attire
Business Attire for Women
What is Business Casual?
all Business Attire articles
The Queen of England is reported to have told Prince Charles, "Dress gives one the outward
sign from which people can judge the inward state of mind. One they can see, the other they
cannot." Clearly, she was saying what many people are reluctant to accept; that people judge us
by the way we dress. In all situations, business and social, our outward appearance sends a
message.
Try going to a busy restaurant at lunchtime. Look around you at what people are wearing and
see if you don't make judgments about who they are, their line of business, their personalities
and their competencies. Think about how you feel when you are dressed in your usual business
attire as opposed to casual dress. Your choice of business apparel speaks to your professional
behavior and credibility. It is important to understand how to dress for business if you wish to
promote yourself and your organization in a positive manner,
How you dress depends on four factors: the industry in which you work, the job you have within
that industry, the geographic area in which you live; and most importantly, what your client
expects to see.
Choose a conservative suit in navy, black or gray either pinstripe or solid. The quality of the
material speaks as loudly as the color and can make the difference between sleaze and suave.
A solid white or blue dress shirt with long sleeves offers the most polished look. The more pattern
and color you add, the more the focus is on your clothing, rather than your professionalism.
Ties should be made of silk or a silk-like fabric. Avoid the cartoon characters and go for simple
and subtle if you want to enhance your credibility.
Socks should be calf-length or above. Make sure they match not only what you are wearing, but
also each other. A quick glance in good light before heading out the door can save
embarrassment later in the day. Check for holes as well if you'll be going through airport security
and removing your shoes.
Shoes should without question be conservative, clean and well polished. Lace-up shoes are the
choice over slip-ons or flip flops. Don't think for a minute that people don't notice shoes. Many
people will look at your feet before your face.
Belts need to match or closely coordinate with your shoes. Once again, quality counts.
Keep jewelry to a minimum. In a time when men sport gold necklaces, bracelets and earrings,
the business professional should limit himself to a conservative watch, a wedding band and
maybe his college ring.
Personal hygiene is part of the success equation. Freshly scrubbed wins out over heavily
fragranced any day of the week. Save the after-shave for after hours, but never the shave itself.
The finishing touch for the business man is his choice of accessories: briefcase, portfolio and
pen. When it comes to sealing the deal, a top of the line suit, a silk tie and a good pair of leather
shoes can lose their affect when you pull out the ball point pen you picked up in the hotel
meeting room the day before.
The same overall rules apply to women's work attire as apply to men's. Business clothing is not a
reflection of the latest fashion trend. A woman should be noticed for who she is and her
professional skills rather than for what she wears. Her business wear should be appropriate for
her industry and her position or title within the industry.
Start with a skirted suit or pants suit for the most conservative look. A skirted suit is the most
professional. With a few exceptions, dresses do not offer the same credibility unless they are
accompanied by matching jackets.
Skirts should be knee-length or slightly above or below. Avoid extremes. A skirt more than two
inches above the knee raises eyebrows and questions.
Pants should break at the top of the foot or shoe. While Capri pants and their fashion cousins
that come in assorted lengths from mid-calf to ankle are the latest trend, they are out of place in
the conservative business environment.
Blouses and sweaters provide color and variety to woman's clothing, but they should be
appealing rather than revealing. Inappropriate necklines and waistlines can give the wrong
impression.
Women need to wear hose in the business world. Neutral or flesh-tone stockings are the best
choices. Never wear dark hose with light-colored clothing or shoes. Keep an extra pair of
stockings in your desk drawer unless the hosiery store is next door or just down the street from
the office.
Faces, not feet, should be the focal point in business so chose conservative shoes. A low heel is
more professional than flats or high heels. In spite of current fashion and the sandal rage, open-
toed or backless shoes are not office attire. Not only are sandals a safety hazard, they suggest a
certain official agenda.
When it comes to accessories and jewelry, less is once again more. Keep it simple: one ring per
hand, one earring per ear. Accessories should reflect your personality, not diminish your
credibility.
Business attire is different from weekend and evening wear. Investing in a good business
wardrobe is an investment in your professional future. For those who think it's not what you wear
but who you are that creates success, give that some more thought. Business skills and
experience count, but so does personal appearance and that all-important first impression.
Lydia Ramsey is a business etiquette expert, professional speaker, corporate trainer and author of "Manner
That Sell - Adding The Polish That Builds Profits". She has been quoted or featured in The New York Times,
Investors' Business Daily, Entrepreneur, Inc., Real Simple and Woman's Day. For more information about her
programs, products and services, e-mail Lydia or visit her web site www.manners thatsell.com.
Appearance Etiquettes
Some companies prefer to allow and even encourage employees to dress freely or casually for
comfort. This tends to work well in more creative work environments.
However, other companies will typically encourage and/or require a more defined and
professional dress code to maintain a professional image of themselves and the business, where
employees routinely interact on a daily basis with prospects, clients and business partners.
Conflicts arise when employees prefer to dress comfortably or in the most recent styles rather
than realize the importance for them to present themselves in a more professional or conservative
manner.
The major reason why dressing in proper business attire is important for every business
professional is because it presents a visual image and sends a message that the employees are
professional.
Another reason why dressing in proper business attire is important in the business world is
because you never know when you will be required to meet with someone from outside your
company. Your image to this outsider will be the image remembered of your company. In
business dealings this image and message needs to be professional. In reality, that image could
indirectly mean the difference between securing a new deal, contract or sale and losing the
opportunity to make that deal.
The importance of a dress code for professionalism varies somewhat by industry. However, the
correlation between the two is generally strong. Appearance ranked second only to
communication skills when respondents named qualities most often associated with
professionalism, according to a 2010 national poll conducted by the Center for Professional
Excellence at York College of Pennsylvania.
Matthew Randall, executive director of the CPE, said, "How an individual dresses for work can
be a powerful extension of his personal brand. Clothes, accessories and even the footwear an
employee chooses to wear help to reinforce or diminish his skills and qualities in the eyes of his
employer, co-workers and clients."
Although a one-size-fits-all or universal dress code may not be achievable or realistic, some
universal guidelines are possible and could include the following:
Be modest. It is most important to get attention for great work rather than gaining attention for
wearing the latest fashion fad or in appropriate leisure wear or sportswear found outside the office
at a sports event, party or beach.
Beware of casual Fridays. Casual Fridays have the potential to turn into real fashion disasters. It
is important to remember that the workweek has not ended on Thursday and that the images and
messages sent on Friday must be consistent with each of the previous days of the week.
Be comfortable. This applies to the fit of your attire and the comfort of the shoes you wear.
Comfort needs to trump fashion in the choices made.
Be mindful that basic etiquette must accompany appropriate attire. Appropriate attire must be
combined with basic business and professional etiquette. The two are intertwined and integrated
when presenting a professional image of yourself and your company. First impressions and
overall judgments about people are formed by the way they dress. Since the way someone dresses
affects the perception of a company's customers or business partners, it is important to maintain a
standard of dress that creates a positive impression.
Be sure to strive to achieve an appropriate balance of employer rights and individual freedom.
Some employers experience resistance from employees who believe they have the right to groom
themselves and dress in a way that suits their personality. Basically, this is true in the context of
what they do outside of the employer's operation. While individuals have a right to express
themselves, so businesses have a similar right in the workplace, since the way employees dress
definitely sends intended or unintended messages to clients, customers and prospects. A
commitment to strive to achieve an appropriate balance is very important.
Whatever else we think about dressing for success, we need to be reminded that first impressions
are everything, and we only get one chance to make a positive first impression. n
Glenn Ebersole is strategic vice president of business development and marketing at Hollenbach
Construction Inc., Douglass Township, Montgomery County.
i.Always be Punctual. A late comer is always look down upon in any organization and becomes
the object of mockery. Also it shows your laziness and irresponsible nature in front of others.
ii. Be a rational person. Often we face some adverse situations which we do not like. We tend to
lose our patience and as a result we say or behave harshly with our colleagues or seniors. Some
situations are not in our control, for example less hike in annual appraisal, company losing out
some key clients etc but we can control our reaction. Often it is our reaction rather than the
situation which causes stress.
iii. Follow the official dress code. It is very important how you dress when you are in office. Your
dress can enhance your self-confidence or ruin it.
iv. Have mutual respect. Respect your senior colleagues and youll earn it in return. Maintain a
cordial relationship with your team mates, it does not mean that you get too much personal with
them. Do not mix your private life with your professional one. Remember everyone in your office is
your competitor, so itll be foolish on your part to become personal with anyone and disclose some
invaluable information. So be polite but reserved.
v. Maintain office decorum. Avoid speaking loudly, speaking out of turn or talking too much. If you
want to be heard, you must let others speak as well. Keep your mobile phones in silent or
vibration mode when you are in a meeting or on call. Also make sure that your ring tones are not
very loud, which may cause disturbance to others.
vi. Stay away from gossip. Refrain from gossiping; remember there is no place for gossip mongers
in a professional work environment.
Apart from your office, your attitude and the way you present yourself in public when you are in your
school/college/university, at a family gathering, partying with your friends or attending a seminar, everywhere it
matters a lot. Here are some basic lists of what you are expected to do and say:
i.Always greet warmly when you come across any familiar face. Put a smile on your face
and held your hand firmly while shaking hands with anyone.
ii. Do not forget to introduce your friend/companion who is standing with you specially
when you come across anyone and start a conversation with him/her. This will not make
your companion feel ignored. It also becomes very embarrassing for the person to stand
idle while you are chatting with your friend.
iii. Be honest. Honesty is the best policy. So be humble and always acknowledge the truth.
If you think you are unable to do any task, accept the fact and confess it. Do not try to
hide; it will only make the matter worse.
iv. Actions speak louder than words. Do not make fake promises. Prove your capability and
efficiency through your works.
v. Sorry and Thank you are the most powerful words. Do not be a miser in using them.
Express your gratitude whenever required. A simple Thank you work wonders.
Similarly, say Sorry whenever situation demands. Accepting rather than denying ones
mistake makes a man greater.
It is very easy to preach but hard to follow. The above things are easy to remember but difficult to
follow. So just reading them wont help unless you start implementing them. Go ahead and give your
best.
6. Thou shalt not use foul language. KIND is the only four-letter
word for the workplace. Dont accept vulgarity, poor grammar
and slang as your personal standards. They are three of the top
reasons people dont get hired. On the other hand, liberal use of
please, thank you, and excuse me can be most helpful in
ones career ascent.