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Jacqueline Hernandez

Professor Ditch

English 115

05 December 2017

My Improvement

Ive learned more skills that I didnt previously know, I have practiced my writing skills,

and I have improved. Throughout this course I believe my writing has improved and I have

become more confident in my writing since reviewing the comments of previous essays;

moreover, applying that to the next essay to come. The comments from my professor really

helped me develop a sense of new thoughts. Although the class went by fast I was able to get in

control with my new and improved thoughts and apply that to my essay to come.

Since taking the course, I believe my writing has vastly improved. When I first started the

course, I struggled with introducing my topic more specifically. I couldnt go deep into my

argument in my thesis. I was able to pull my thesis apart in my project text essay using my

professors comments and better knowledge that I developed during her lectures. She

commented on my thesis and told me to switch my order and I did. I developed a stronger thesis

by doing what she commented and adding more to the beginning of my thesis. I didnt start my

thesis with a quote because on a previous essay she commented telling me not to being with a

quote. I took her advice and added more to my thesis, so my essay can sound better.

In the next paragraph that she commented on in my first essay was not to begin with a

quote I took that information and applied it to my thesis and third paragraph. I started with
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Children five to seven years old understanding is that gender (role) is supposed to be stable but

that it is possible to alter it at will. (Devor 27) I added to the beginning of that paragraph and

introduced the paragraph more thoroughly. I didnt introduce the quote because I did that in my

introduction already. Thus, I didnt want to be repetitive throughout my essay. At the end of the

same paragraph I did as suggested and explored further into the topic and exemplified.

In my fifth paragraph, sixth, and seventh paragraph I explained without just stating that

gender is just a construct. I also went more in depth; moreover, explained why it matters. In the

fifth paragraph I explained why it matters that girls and boys are taught to act differently because

of their sex. In my sixth essay I responded to my teachers comment and why does it matter?

that I analyze sexuality and gender without even realizing it. While answering I asked myself

other questions and explained my argument better. Lastly, I edit my seventh paragraph using her

comment because? I attempted to get my point across and explain better to the next reader, as

well as more credible.

I extracted my eighth paragraph due to it not compromising with the other paragraphs.

The eighth paragraph contradicted my argument and made me sound like I was trying to argue

something else. It wasnt clear and focused on something else. I didnt reread the fourth

paragraph before turning it in. My conclusion also had to be clarified and connect more to my

thesis. So, it can sound stronger and connect to my argumentation more.

Lastly, my works cited needed to be fixed as well throughout my three essays I never got

my works cited on point. I finally asked another student in the class to explain to me what I was

doing wrong and she told me my mistakes that had to be revised; moreover, finally it is on task.
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Nevertheless, in my project text essay not only did I receive a better grade, but I achieved

more from my first paragraph and applied it to this essay. Somethings I still couldnt get control

of; however, I believe it is fixed now. This time viewing my second essay I received more

feedback which was great because once again I was able to apply that to my last essay. I believe

my project text final polish essay sounded strong, but just needed to be more organized and

clarified.

In my introduction all I needed to fix were small mistakes. I needed to fix my indent and

phrases that I inserted that may have sounded like I was talking about everyone in society when I

was only regarding some people. Another thing that I was doing was using past and present tense

when I should have been using present tense. I clarified more on the paragraph and made it

sound more formal then the original introduction.

In the second and third I also made silly mistakes that could have been caught by myself

if I had reread my essay. I didnt introduce the quote and stated, nor or masculine in my

second essay. I also was vaguely focusing on a character, so vague that my professor could tell

so I made the character that I was focusing on clearer. In my fourth paragraph I needed to

connect my argument to my third paragraph and fix my quote sandwich. I also just ended up

using a new quote because my first quote didnt connect very well. On the third page I included

textual evidence as well as a transition sentence. To make that paragraph more independent and

stronger.

Furthermore, because this assignment has me go back and fix my mistake I am improving

even more. I have improved, learned, and practiced more on my writing skills with this

assignment. My writing gradually improved as I began to grow from my mistakes from each

paper. I learned what not to do and what to continue doing on my essays to come from other
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classes. Overall, this class was rough and tough at the beginning until I analyzed mistakes and

learned from them.

Works Cited

Devor, Aaron. Becoming Members of society: The Social Meanings of Gender.

Composing Gender: a Bedford Spotlight Reader. Boston/St. Martins, 2014.