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Joseph Negrete

English 115

Professor Corri Ditch

2017, October 1

Gender Routine

No human being performs entirely as masculine or feminine. Most of the stereotypical

traits have become so imperceptible that we cannot see it at first glance, like male students

listening to a female teacher, the teacher must show dominance. A trait that aligns more with

masculine, while the male students must be passive and obey, a trait that is feminine. For me

growing up in two different houses, my father and mother, they tried to raise me in two

different conflicting ways. My dad wanted me to be the alpha male, be the guy no one messes

with, be the guy who everyone fears, be the guy whos in charge. My mom raised me to be

empathetic, always thinking how other people feel, looking out for others, trying to make

people happy, be the guy everyone loves. I have mostly sided with my mother on how she

raised me but have learned a few thing from what my father has taught me. Throughout my

daily life, I have performed as both masculine and feminine depending on the people around

me. My performance is based around peers or someone with authority, like friends or

Professors for example. I believe this reveals that gender, is something that happens during

social interactions and is guided by the persons upbringing.

Horror movies are a fitting example of what separates masculinity and femininity. In the

article, Becoming members of Society, by Devor, stating that: Masculinity can be

demonstrated through a wide variety of cues, such as exhibiting a manly air of toughness,
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confidence, self-reliance and the aura of aggression, violence and daring (42). My friends

and I went to see the movie It, by Stephen King, its a movie about a group of kids, in Derry

Main, trying to survive a demonic clown that plays with its food. I was enjoying the movie

when suddenly a scene came on that was meant to scare us, I heard one of my roommates

scream, all eyes were on him, even our other friend, who didnt scream and is a woman, we all

collectively asked did you really get scared? That scared you? the rest of us didnt jump over

that scene. I stayed quiet throughout the film, trying to maintain my manly air of toughness,

trying to not appear feminine as my screaming roommate. He turned the movie into s

masculinity game, were act normal during the horror movie as if it wasnt scary, it became a

game of whoever acts scared first loses. My dad had always told me to never show fear

because whatever scares you, controls you, even though this is a fictional killer clown, showing

fear around my friends will control how they would treat me, like my screaming friend.

How I perform in front of my friends is more masculine then how I perform in front of

people in authority of me. I am always the one making the final decisions, nothing will be done

for a while until I say something. In the book, Rhetoric for Radicals, by Jason Del Gandio, he

writes Your confidence, poise composure emotional state, personality, liveliness, spontaneity,

engagement, and overall vibe are part of the speaking experience. An example of this would

be when we couldnt decide on what to get for dinner, because that day was pizza night. Some

wanted to get little Caesars because its cheaper, some wanted to get dominos because quality.

The argument was going on for some time until I decided to tell them we are getting dominos, I

heard no objections, everyone agreed. The way I carried myself was demanding, though I was

probably annoyed over such arguing that I wanted it to be done with. I spoke with such
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confidence that I swayed everyone into believing that I was right, that dominos was the best

pizza for tonights pizza night.

Though I mostly perform masculine towards my friends, i sometimes perform feminine

towards them. When I have friends over I always want to be a good host, In Kanes article, No

Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents Response to Childrens Nonconformity, she

wrote a mothers response on why she taught her son how to cook, I want my son to know

how to do more than boil water, I want him to know how to take care of himself (91). I believe

the mother was talking about how her child will have to grow up one day and he will need to

cook for himself. I agree with the mother because my mother taught me how to cook, and

when I learned to cook for myself it meant that I can cook for others. my friend from high

school came over to my dorm, I havent seen him in a couple of months and I wanted to be a

good host so I asked him if he was hungry, then gave him our options, and after, made

something to eat. Cooking at home is on the stereotypes that say thats a Feminine job, that

they are supposed to take care of the men and guests that come over, I did try to take care of

my guest, he was going to be here all day so I thought it would be rude to just let him sit here

and not eat anything. My kitchen was littered with dishes, and my room had clothes and books

all over the floor, so I decided to clean. Since my space was dirty and about to have a guest over

I wanted to clean it, though Household work is Feminine, I needed to get it done because no

one else is going to clean up after me. Both my parents have taught me the importance of

cleaning, my father told me to keep your space clean because you live in it, my mother taught

me to clean my space because others can see at it, I wanted it cleaned for both of those

reasons.
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It has been a couple of weeks since I did laundry, so I called my aunt to see if I can do it

at her house. When I got there, I noticed that my older brothers clothes were all over the

place, he is currently living with her but wasnt home, I figured that since Im here doing laundry

I might as well do his. While I was waiting for my clothes to finish my aunt wanted to watch

beauty and the beast, she really wanted to watch it with me, she is my aunt, someone who I

believe to have the authority of me, and I wasnt going to tell her no. I havent seen the beauty

and the beast before so I figured why not, I had no complaints. After the movie was finished, I

took the clothes out of the dryer and started to fold them, I separated my brothers from mine.

Doing someone elses laundry can be considered feminine because of the stereotype that

women do the laundry in their household, though when my brother came home he complained

that his clothes were wrinkled, this was also the last time I will do laundry for him.

social interaction is a big contributor to a gender performance, so when the student

book store have me a call that my books have arrived, I was almost ready to leave, but before I

left I was looking through my clothes to find out what to wear, I normally dont do this when

Im going to be outside for a little bit. I spent some time getting my clothes together before I

finally left. Finding the right clothes to wear is a stereotype associated with being Feminine,

spending a large amount of time trying to figure out whats best to wear or what pants go with

this shirt and vice versa, I did this because I didnt want to look strange, wear mismatching

clothes and people will think youre homeless. When I arrived at the bookstore, I went up to

the counter and I politely asked if they had the books I ordered, even though I knew my books

were there, I thought if I said it any other way I would come off as too demanding and rude, my

mother didnt raise a rude child. I think that being demanding can sound rude, so I am more
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passive when asking someone if they can do or get something for me. I dont want to be a

nuisance to people and try to leave a good impression because making a scene or raising my

voice at a stranger will just make the scenario worse and no one benefits from an angry

customer.

Being raised in three different environments has expanded my performance. Living with

my father, I was told to me more masculine, but being with my mother I was raised to be more

feminine, and with my friends its half and half. Because of my upbringing I my choices were

clearer, do I want to be the man everyone feared or the man everyone loved, I chose to be

loved. I decide how I act in my environment, be it masculine or feminine, in front of parents or

friends, it is a choice that I make.

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Works Cited

Devor, Aaron. Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender. Composing

Gender, by Groner, Rachael, OHara, John F. 2014

Kane, Emily. No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents Responses to Childrens

Gender Nonconformity. Composing Gender, by Groner, Rachael, OHara, John F. 2014

Gandio, Jason Del. Rhetoric for radicals: a handbook for 21st century activists. New Society

Publishers, 2008.