Paredes 1

Natalie Paredes
Professor Ditch
English 115
6 December 2017

Reflection Essay
As part of my final portfolio I present this reflection essay with my two previously

graded essays alongside my revised essays. As instructed, I have made corrections to both my

Project Space and Project Text essays by following suggestions made by my professor. Changed

details and sentences are highlighted on my new and improved final essays which are uploaded

onto my Weebly website. This course has challenged my writing skills in each essay and taught

me new writing strategies along the way. I contend that my writing has significantly improved as

I now show strength in rhetoric by progressing in areas such as sentence structure, inclusion of

supporting evidence and word choice, thus making me a more influential writer and speaker.

Given that I was not as prepared as I thought I was for my first college essay, I received

an overall grade of 82% for Project Space. Although fond of my grade since it excelled the class

average, I still decided to make adjustments to make my essay stronger and clearer. In the very

first paragraph I originally included a phrase that did not have anything to do with my essay. It

may have been my way of making my essay longer but I revised this by excluding the

unnecessary sentence. As for my argument, the wording was a bit general and unclear according

to the professor. However, small wording suggestions were written onto my original graded

essay and I revised it based off of them and this ultimately made my argument a lot more potent.

Just by including the words gender and expected to perform, my revised thesis forms a much

stronger introduction to the key points of my essay.

 Paredes 2

Throughout my Project Space essay, there were some areas that did not correlate to and

support my thesis as well as they could have. As a matter of fact, there were a couple of times

where the professor pointed out that I was going off topic. In order to stay on track, I inserted a

new quote for one of these problematic areas that related more to gender as opposed to what I

had before which talked about war expectations. As for the other off topic area, I kept the quote

but altered the ending of my explanation for it because somehow, I began to discuss

homosexuality and transgenders instead of focusing on gender performances within different

spaces. My revisions of these areas now support my thesis a lot more than they had before. A

final revision I made in my essay was small but definitely needed in order to keep my essay

running smoothly and that was the inclusion of a transition. Before I had revised this section, the

lack of a transition between the end of one paragraph and the beginning of the other made the

essay structure a bit awkward. There was no sentence claim, thus making it difficult for readers

to understand what I would be discussing in the paragraph. After revising, my essay now runs a

lot smoother than it had previously.

The use of certain words and understanding when to use them is a skill I have learned

while taking this English course. Although my grade had significantly improved for the

following essay, Project Text, there were still several minor details in my wording that could be

revised to improve it. Though the professor stated in my graded essay that I was off to a clear

and solid start, there were a few suggestions made in my thesis to create a more argumentative

thesis that relates to gender specifically. I made these small changes and realized that every word

matters when it comes to developing an argument. Later in my second paragraph, the professor

also circled the word cruel that I had placed in my essay and that may be because it wasnt the

appropriate term to use when discussing the behavior of a gender. Instead of using cruel, I
 Paredes 3

changed the term to loud because it made more sense that males perform and speak in a loud

voice because they are perceived as dominant to females. In my fifth paragraph, my choice of

words did not address my point clearly enough for readers to understand how the character,

Elizabeth, had suffered consequences so I changed my sentence structure to help readers

understand what exactly had happened to her. Because of my new wording choices, the claims of

my essay support my argument in a more concise way.

Just like in the previous essay, I still struggled to include important components into my

essay such as a transition and supporting evidence. Again, I failed to insert a transition into the

beginning of one of the paragraphs. After revising this area, I found that the use of a transition

develops a stronger claim and also helps tie the point of the paragraph to my thesis. Finally, my

last claim was one that the professor found to be off topic yet again. Although I did have a point

by comparing Elizabeths behaviors and masculine behaviors to video games, the subject of

video games actually did not support my essays argument as much as it could have. To improve

my essay, I inserted a new quote which discusses masculine behaviors toward bullying just as the

character Elizabeth had performed. In doing so, I hope that this quote relates more to my thesis

than the previous quote had.

As a student in this English class, I have no doubt that my writing skills have improved

throughout this course. I have learned new techniques and styles of writing such as rhetoric.

Through the use of these and with thorough critiquing by peer reviewers and professional

grading from my professor, my essays have significantly improved each time. I now know how

to properly cite sources and use MLA format. By going to the LRC and making revisions based

off of suggestions made on my graded paper, my written works have become more compelling to

the reader each time I wrote a new essay. Because of the suggestions and critiques I have
 Paredes 4

received from this class, I can conclude that my essay components such as sentence structure,

supporting evidence, and word choice have improved through this course.