Palomares 1

Mariella Palomares

Professor Jon Beadle

English 115

3 December 2017

The Enlightenment

In my process of the project space, text, and media I have learned a lot by learning what I

needed to improve on dramatically or what I needed to improve on just a little more. I learned

that for the majority of the time I would receive the highest score for the format, usually on the

other categories I would receive an average score of a seven or six. Showing that I knew in a way

of what I was talking about but errors were still present affecting my essay making it unclear to

the reader to understand what I was saying in my essay. Going to office hours and the LRC I

helped me with the process of organizing what I wanted to say by brainstorming ideas, creating a

layout structure for my essay. By working on multiple essays and receiving help I have improved

overtime learning from my previous mistakes on essays from before.

In my project space essay, I talked about how social media is monstrous by the way we

value what people think about us but fear what they will say about us after they see what we post

on social media. Looking at my errors and layout of my essay I saw and understood why I

received the grade I got. Especially when I went to the LRC to have someone go over it with me

and they did not understand what I was talking about in certain parts of my essay. When I read

my essay it made sense to me because I knew what I am talking about. I learned that I have to

explain and express my views in a way for someone else to understand what I am trying to say in

my essay. When a topic is relatable its easier to talk about, but I didnt talk enough about my

experience in the project space essay which affected my credibility.

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For my thesis I needed to reveal what is feared and valued in the space. In my body

paragraphs I had to work on constructing clear sentences because they were awkward or some of

the words needed to be changed. I forgot to cite a source after using a quote of an example from

the book which lost credibility because the source of evidence I provided was not supported. I

needed to use my own experience to illustrate the claims I made to show my credibility and

make it clear for the reader to understand what I was saying. I had good ideas presented in my

essay but I did not develop and support my claims enough for the reader to understand. By

providing evidence from the reading and my own experience, it would show connection to my

thesis when I referred back to it. I did not fully address the third question in the prompt of how

the space of social media is monstrous revealing the values, fears, and other beliefs in social

media. Through seeing my errors and receiving feedback it was easy to make changes and see

why I needed to do those things in order to help improve my essay. When talking about my

experience one example how, This idea of social media has turned a monster in us because

some of us believe that we have to post and sometimes more than we should. We value other

peoples opinions and interests in us as we try to When taking a break from the virtual reality

you tend to view the world without social media and start to realize how much social media

affects your daily life, it gave me credibility to my argument of why social media is monstrous.

For the project text essay, I said that Godzilla did change from the Gojira 1954 film to

the 2016 Shin Godzilla film. I worked on improving my structure of the essay and focused on the

significance of the change of the monster, Godzilla. The focus was on the cultural/historical

significance instead of the technological advancements. In addition, to focus on Japans WWII,

the bombings, and instead of summarizing the differences of the two films to explain more of the

significance and affects, analyzing more in depth. Incorporating the historical aspect of the
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bombings, I was able to connecting it by referring back to my thesis statement for each body

paragraph. By talking about the significance not only does it answer part of the prompt it shows

my position of how Godzilla changes and why it was significant by my use of evidence I

provided about Godzilla between the two films. By focusing more on analysis it shows how the

changes led to a loss of the historical meaning.I learned that I did not have an introduction but I

had a well written thesis so I worked on the introduction by explaining each film with one

sentence. I needed to explain and add on more to my quotes of the physical changes that showed

the changes of each film by creating a larger meaning to them.

My argument was unclear in each paragraph they needed to be explained more by

examples I used and other evidence I could use to support my argument in my thesis, The

significance of Godzilla changes from the 1954 film in to the 2016 film by representing a loss of

the historical representation of Japans WWII bombings that were caused by the United States.

The new Godzilla in Shin Godzilla becomes a flashy distraction making the new evolved

transformation of Godzilla one that could appeal to the audience in 2016. The strong argument I

had in my last concluding paragraph was, By the loss of the historical time period, it does not

have the same affect upon people now than when it did back them. Through the 1954 film

Godzilla, Godzilla the monster represented the anxieties and fears of the people in Japan which

did not feel the same in Shin Godzilla by the distractions of technological advancements and

evolution of Godzilla, through that I needed to support the claims and explain it more in depth.

With that strong argument claim I decided to move that up higher in my essay instead it towards

the conclusion. By moving the claim, it made my argument stronger right after the introduction

paragraph and was straight forward to the prompt. I started to move my paragraphs around after I
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moved my thesis higher and took out some stuff to keep the claims consistent within my

argument by using my thesis statement and strong claim.

Showing that I have improved in my essays by realizing what I was doing wrong, by

having to much repeating ideas or no explaining it clear enough for the reader to understand. By

analyzing more and reading what I said again has improved my sentences making my essays

overall well rounded. Through mistakes you can learn and improve because you already know

what you did wrong so I learned to not do that again because it can affect what I am saying. I

have improved because I received a higher grade on project media. Project media was my

highest essay score between the three project essays.