Chandler 1

Camryn Chandler

Ms Cook

Composition

15 November 2017

A Feminist Theory Analysis of Mulan

Sally Kempton, a feminist, said, When men imagine a female uprising, they imagine a

world in which women rule men as men have ruled women. Sally Kempton is explaining that

men fear women being in control and/or in a leadership position that are supposedly only set out

for men. Kemptons quote and feminist theory are supporting that women, even today, live in a

patriarchal society. Feminist theorys main focus is to show the audience or reader that womens

cultural identity is primarily viewed as negative or weak, while men are usually viewed as

dominant. To add, Much feminist criticism, that is, although it assumes the existence of unequal

gender-based relations of power (Newton & Rosenfelt). The movie Mulan, projects all of

those characteristics of feminist theory. The Walt Disney film is about a Chinese princess

warrior who is trying to take her ill fathers place in the Chinese military. However, a woman in

this patriarchal regime is unable to serve in the military, but she impersonates a male figure to

train and be recruited to fight. Along the way, she uses her brains to fight off a hun invasion and

falls in love with the captain. All in all, this movie is portraying women are supposed to be

beautiful, a wife, clean and do what they are told. But, if they fail, they are immediately

dishonored by their family. However, Mulan breaks away from the norms of society and remains

true to herself to prove that societys views on gender stereotype is wrong.

In Mulan, the norms of society is to mold a woman into becoming a wife for a man that is

selected for her. However, if she fails, she is dishonored by her family. According to StudyLib,
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Feminist criticism is ways in which literature and film undermine the political, social, and

psychological oppression of women and how this critique strives to expose the explicit and

implicit misogyny in male writing about women. In the beginning of the film, it shows Mulan

waking up late and being a mess, which is not how a lady should act, according to this era. She

later is needed to get hair, makeup, and wardrobe change to have an interview to show if she is

worthy enough to be a wife. In Mulan, the matchmaker calls Mulans name and she says

Present! and the matchmaker says under her breath while writing on the clipboard, speaking

without permission. as if women are not allowed to speak without authoritys permission.

However, she makes a fool of herself and lets her family down. These scenes portray women

during this era to be trained and formed into a wife for the man she is forced to marry in her

town. Altogether, Mulans culture is forcing her, other women in her town and country to

become a wife to the men and do as they say, even though they may not want to.

Next, Mulan portrays her savage and warrior-like behavior throughout the movie while

facing obstacles while impersonating a man. In the film, there is a war breaking out in China and

men in the military are being called to fight and Mulans father is one of them. However, her

father is too ill to go, but is still called to train for the fight. In the film, Mulan says to Chi Fu, the

military advisor, Please Sir, my father has already fought bravely and she is suddenly cut off

mid-sentence by Chi Fu and he shouts, Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to

hold her tongue in a mans presence (Mulan). Sadly, her father tells Mulan she dishonored him.

With that being said, Mulan takes matter into her own hands and impersonates a man to take her

fathers place in the war. She goes through training and struggles and plans to give up, but she

overcomes her weakness and becomes stronger than all of the men and is seen as dominant and a

leader. Overall, Mulans strong and vigorous behavior during training is causing the men in the
 Chandler 3

military to follow and look up to her, but the military men still believe she is a man. Sadly, she is

only viewed as tough, because she is impersonating a man. Therefore, if she was to reveal her

true self, Mulan would be killed, because fighting was not a part of a womans role.

Lastly, women are not the only ones who have stereotypical roles in Mulan. The men are

also supposed to be viewed a certain way. According to the Prezi about gender roles in Mulan,

the men are viewed as strong, dominant, messy, unable to cook, etc. Also throughout the film,

men are only seen as doing masculine activities (Anna & Heffering). In the film, the soldiers

and Mulan are singing the song, Ill make a man out of you (Mulan). During the song the

soldiers are performing masculine duties. For example, they are setting off bombs, fishing,

fighting, and other activities to train. However, during these activities, the men are struggling and

are being frowned upon from the army captain, Li Shang.

Towards the end of the song, Mulan is defeated and is told to go home, but Mulan

overcomes the norms of society. She escapes the mold that is placed on women and defeats the

obstacles that she faced on the way. In result of Mulan facing her challenges, the men followed

her and gained confidence. Therefore, societys beliefs on women are simply wrong. Mulan is a

warrior and towards the end of the movie- when she is viewed as her true self- she saves China

and the Emperor honors her and offers her a position on his council. Not to mention, as a

woman. Societys expectations are shattered from Mulans abilities and Mulan continues to

remain true to herself. In the end, Mulan defeats societys roles for women from her warrior-

like abilities and helps save China.

In conclusion, the movie Mulan, portrays stereotypical roles for both men and women.

First, women in this era live in a patriarchal society and this movie proves it. Mulan is a

powerful, smart, and committed woman who did not want her ailing father to fight in the war.
 Chandler 4

So, Mulan mimicked a man for her fathers sake. She ended up becoming a leader in the military

and the men followed and worshiped her. However, when they found out she was a woman they

dishonored her and sent her home. But, that did not stop her. She did not want being a woman to

keep her from finishing the job and saving her country. In the end, Mulan proved her worthiness

and made society overlook the fact she was a woman, and she was finally seen for the hero she

truly was (Anna & Heffering). Next, the men are also forced to play a special role in society-

dominant, superior, messy and for the most part, lacked military skills. They struggled to train

and were weak. However, they had to keep working hard in order for them to be able to do the

training and get through it. Their strength was not given, but was earned from working hard. To

add, the only activities the men were doing were viewed as masculine. There was no cooking

or taking care of themselves, so that led to show stereotypical roles were played with both

genders. Finally, gender should not decide whether or not you fight for your country, decide who

is the leader, and measure a persons strength. Women and men are both capable of doing

whatever they set their mind to as long as they remain true to yourself.

Work Cited

Anna, Jace and Heffering, Lewis. How Disney Portrays Gender in Mulan, Prezi. 17

October 2014. https://prezi.com/33-_rw9lwqmv/how-disney-portrays-gender-in-mulan/

Mulan and Feminist Criticism. StudyLib. 2017. http://studylib.net/doc/5226922/mulan-

and-feminist-criticism#
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Mulan. Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment, 2008.

https://www.netflix.com/search?q=mulan

Newton, Judith and Rosenfelt, Deborah. Feminist Criticism and Social Change. RoutLedge,

2013.

https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=uZBQm79z9WwC&oi=fnd&pg=PP5&d

q=feminist+theory+in+literature&ots=Vf7mXLa3i0&sig=tyYFtQKGyQWAFDOsoTA0a

kNrjyg#v=onepage&q=feminist%20theory%20in%20literature&f=false

Rubric rating submitted on: 11/29/2017, 6:55:22 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org

4 3 2 1 0

W.1.a: Hook (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Introduction demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
demonstrated) paragraph a couple errors multiple errors Introduction
Introduction captures the exist) exist) paragraph
paragraph reader's Introduction Introduction captures the
captures the attention. paragraph paragraph reader's
reader's captures the captures the attention.
attention. reader's reader's
attention. attention.

W.1. a: Intro (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt) A

Summary creatively A brief demonstrate, but demonstrate, but brief summary
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A summary of the a couple errors multiple errors of the text(s)
brief summary text(s) analyzed exist) A brief exist) A brief analyzed is
of the text(s) is given to summary of the summary of the given to
analyzed is anticipate the text(s) analyzed text(s) analyzed anticipate the
given to reader's is given to is given to reader's
anticipate the knowledge anticipate the anticipate the knowledge
reader's level--no more reader's reader's level--no more
knowledge than a couple knowledge knowledge than a couple
level--no more sentences. level--no more level--no more sentences.
than a couple than a couple than a couple
sentences. sentences. sentences.

W. 1.a: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt)

Introduce creatively Intro paragraph demonstrate, but demonstrate, but Intro paragraph
Claims demonstrated) clearly a couple errors multiple errors clearly
Your score: 4 Intro paragraph introduces the exist) Intro exist)Intro introduces the
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clearly claims of the paragraph paragraph claims of the

introduces the body clearly clearly body
claims of the paragraphs. introduces the introduces the paragraphs.
body claims of the claims of the
paragraphs. body body
paragraphs. paragraphs.

W.1.a: Thesis (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (no attempt
Your score: 3 creatively The last a couple errors multiple errors made) The last
demonstrated) sentence is a exist) The last exist) The last sentence is a
The last thesis statement sentence is a sentence is a thesis statement
sentence is a that is clear, thesis statement thesis statement that is clear,
thesis statement sophisticated, that is clear, that is clear, sophisticated,
that is clear, and insightful. sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful.
sophisticated, and insightful. and insightful.
and insightful.

W. 1. a: Topic (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (No attempt
Sentences creatively Each body a couple errors multiple errors made) Each
Your score: 2 demonstrated) paragraph exist) Each body exist) Each body body paragraph
Each body begins with a paragraph paragraph begins with a
paragraph clear, begins with a begins with a clear,
begins with a sophisticated, clear, clear, sophisticated,
clear, and insightful sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful
sophisticated, topic sentence. and insightful and insightful topic sentence.
and insightful topic sentence. topic sentence.
topic sentence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Organization & creatively Claims, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Claims,
Sequencing demonstrated) counterclaims, a couple errors multiple errors counterclaims,
Your score: 4 Claims, reasons, and exist) Claims, exist)Claims, reasons, and
counterclaims, evidence are counterclaims, counterclaims, evidence are
reasons, and effectively reasons, and reasons, and effectively
evidence are structured and evidence are evidence are structured and
effectively organized in a effectively effectively organized in a
structured and logical structured and structured and logical
organized in a sequence. organized in a organized in a sequence.
logical logical logical
sequence. sequence. sequence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Significance of creatively The significance demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Claims demonstrated) of the claims is a couple errors multiple errors significance of
Your score: 2 The significance clearly exist) The exist) The the claims is
of the claims is established for significance of significance of clearly
clearly the audience the claims is the claims is established for
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established for throughout the clearly clearly the audience

the audience body. established for established for throughout the
throughout the the audience the audience body.
body. throughout the throughout the
body. body.

W. 1. c: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Transitions creatively Thoughtful demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Thoughtfu
Your score: 3 demonstrated) progression of a couple errors multiple errors l progression of
Thoughtful ideas and details exist) exist) ideas and details
progression of with sound Thoughtful Thoughtful with sound
ideas and details transitions to progression of progression of transitions to
with sound show connection ideas and details ideas and details show connection
transitions to between points with sound with sound between points
show connection and paragraphs. transitions to transitions to and paragraphs.
between points show connection show connection
and paragraphs. between points between points
and paragraphs. and paragraphs.

W. 1. b: Focus (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 3 creatively Maintains a demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Maintains
demonstrated) consistent focus a couple errors multiple errors a consistent
Maintains a throughout. exist) Maintains exist) Maintains focus
consistent focus Thesis is a consistent a consistent throughout.
throughout. effectively focus focus Thesis is
Thesis is woven throughout. throughout. effectively
effectively throughout Thesis is Thesis is woven
woven every body effectively effectively throughout
throughout paragraph, with woven woven every body
every body ideas always throughout throughout paragraph, with
paragraph, with related back to every body every body ideas always
ideas always thesis in order to paragraph, with paragraph, with related back to
related back to prove the central ideas always ideas always thesis in order to
thesis in order to claim. related back to related back to prove the central
prove the central thesis in order to thesis in order to claim.
claim. prove the central prove the central
claim. claim.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Examples & creatively Contains demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Contains
Details demonstrated) effective, a couple errors multiple errors effective,
Your score: 3 Contains specific, exist) Contains exist) Contains specific,
effective, relevant effective, effective, relevant
specific, examples and specific, specific, examples and
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relevant details to back relevant relevant details to back

examples and up major claims examples and examples and up major claims
details to back in each body details to back details to back in each body
up major claims paragraph. up major claims up major claims paragraph.
in each body in each body in each body
paragraph. paragraph. paragraph.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Reflection of creatively Clear reflection demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Clear
Evidence demonstrated) on the evidence a couple errors multiple errors reflection on the
Your score: 2 Clear reflection is referenced exist) Clear exist) Clear evidence is
on the evidence from the text reflection on the reflection on the referenced from
is referenced and thoroughly evidence is evidence is the text and
from the text and clearly referenced from referenced from thoroughly and
and thoroughly explained to the the text and the text and clearly
and clearly audience. thoroughly and thoroughly and explained to the
explained to the clearly clearly audience.
audience. explained to the explained to the
audience. audience.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Consideration of creatively Demonstrates demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Prompt demonstrated) thoughtful a couple errors multiple errors Demonstrates
Your score: 3 Demonstrates consideration of exist) exist) thoughtful
thoughtful the task & Demonstrates Demonstrates consideration of
consideration of thoroughly thoughtful thoughtful the task &
the task & answers the consideration of consideration of thoroughly
thoroughly prompt or the task & the task & answers the
answers the assignment thoroughly thoroughly prompt or
prompt or requirements. answers the answers the assignment
assignment prompt or prompt or requirements.
requirements. assignment assignment
requirements. requirements.

W. 1. f: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Rephrase Thesis creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Your score: 4 demonstrated) restates thesis a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Conclusion and supports the exist) exist) restates thesis
restates thesis claims in the Conclusion Conclusion and supports the
and supports the essay. restates thesis restates thesis claims in the
claims in the and supports the and supports the essay.
essay. claims in the claims in the
essay. essay.

W. 1. f: So What (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

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Your score: 4 creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)

demonstrated) offers closure a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Conclusion and leaves the exist) exist) offers closure
offers closure reader thinking Conclusion Conclusion and leaves the
and leaves the by answering offers closure offers closure reader thinking
reader thinking the So What? and leaves the and leaves the by answering
by answering question. The reader thinking reader thinking the So What?
the So What? significance the by answering by answering question. The
question. The major claim is the So What? the So What? significance the
significance the clear to the question. The question. The major claim is
major claim is reader. significance the significance the clear to the
clear to the major claim is major claim is reader.
reader. clear to the clear to the
reader. reader.

L. 2: Sentence (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Complexity/Vari creatively Sentence variety demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentence
ety demonstrated) is effective and a couple errors multiple errors variety is
Your score: 4 Sentence variety sophisticated. exist) Sentence exist) Sentence effective and
is effective and variety is variety is sophisticated.
sophisticated. effective and effective and
sophisticated. sophisticated.

W. 1. e: Style & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Tone creatively A formal style demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) A formal
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A and objective a couple errors multiple errors style and
formal style and tone is exist) A formal exist) A formal objective tone is
objective tone is established and style and style and established and
established and maintained. objective tone is objective tone is maintained.
maintained. established and established and
maintained. maintained.

W. 1. d: Word (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Choice creatively Word demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Word
Your score: 4 demonstrated) choice/vocabula a couple errors multiple errors choice/vocabula
Word ry is exist) Word exist) Word ry is
choice/vocabula sophisticated choice/vocabula choice/vocabula sophisticated
ry is and effective. ry is ry is and effective.
sophisticated sophisticated sophisticated
and effective. and effective. and effective.

W. 4: Clarity (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Writing is clear, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Writing is
demonstrated) concise, and a couple errors multiple errors clear, concise,
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Writing is clear, strong. exist) Writing is exist) Writing is and strong.

concise, and clear, concise, clear, concise,
strong. and strong. and strong.

L. 2: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Capitalization & creatively Sentences demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentences
Punctuation demonstrated) demonstrate a couple errors multiple errors demonstrate
Your score: 4 Sentences correct exist) Sentences exist) Sentences correct
demonstrate punctuation and demonstrate demonstrate punctuation and
correct capitalization. correct correct capitalization.
punctuation and punctuation and punctuation and
capitalization. capitalization. capitalization.

L. 2: Spelling & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

RO/Frag creatively There are no demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) There are
Your score: 4 demonstrated) spelling errors, a couple errors multiple errors no spelling
There are no run-ons, and/or exist) There are exist) There are errors, run-ons,
spelling errors, fragments. no spelling no spelling and/or
run-ons, and/or errors, run-ons, errors, run-ons, fragments.
fragments. and/or and/or
fragments. fragments.

L. 1: Usage (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Correct and demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Correct
demonstrated) consistent verb a couple errors multiple errors and consistent
Correct and tense is present; exist) Correct exist) Correct verb tense is
consistent verb words are used and consistent and consistent present; words
tense is present; correctly. verb tense is verb tense is are used
words are used present; words present; words correctly.
correctly. are used are used
correctly. correctly.

W. 8: Relevant (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Information creatively The quotes used demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Your score: 4 demonstrated) in each body a couple errors multiple errors quotes used in
The quotes used paragraph are exist) The exist) The each body
in each body relevant and quotes used in information paragraph are
paragraph are effectively each body from research relevant and
relevant and support the paragraph are used in each effectively
effectively thesis and the relevant and body paragraph support the
support the claims. effectively are relevant and thesis and the
thesis and the support the effectively claims.
claims. thesis and the support the
claims. thesis and the
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claims.

W. 8: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Integrating creatively Information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Information demonstrated) from the text is a couple errors multiple errors Information
Your score: 4 Information integrated into exist) exist) from the tex is
from the text is the essay Information Information integrated into
integrated into selectively to from the texh is from the tex is the essay
the essay maintain the integrated into integrated into selectively to
selectively to flow of ideas, the essay the essay maintain the
maintain the avoiding selectively to selectively to flow of ideas,
flow of ideas, plagiarism, and maintain the maintain the avoiding
avoiding overreliance on flow of ideas, flow of ideas, plagiarism, and
plagiarism, and the text. avoiding avoiding overreliance on
overreliance on plagiarism, and plagiarism, and the text.
the text. overreliance on overreliance on
the text. the text.

W. 8: Citations (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Each demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Each
demonstrated) quote/paraphras a couple errors multiple errors quote/paraphras
Each e is exist) Each exist) Each e is
quote/paraphras appropriately quote/paraphras quote/paraphras appropriately
e is cited using in- e is e is cited using in-
appropriately text citations. appropriately appropriately text citations.
cited using in- cited using in- cited using in-
text citations. text citations. text citations.

L. 3: MLA (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Format creatively Paper is demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Paper is
Your score: 4 demonstrated) formatted a couple errors multiple errors formatted
Paper is according to exist) Paper is exist) Paper is according to
formatted MLA formatted formatted MLA
according to guidelines, according to according to guidelines,
MLA including: MLA MLA including:
guidelines, heading with guidelines, guidelines, heading with
including: name, teacher, including: including: name, teacher,
heading with class & period, heading with heading with class & period,
name, teacher, and date, name, teacher, name, teacher, and date,
class & period, centered title, class & period, class & period, centered title,
and date, and correctly and date, and date, and correctly
centered title, formatted centered title, centered title, formatted
and correctly paragraphs. and correctly and correctly paragraphs.
formatted formatted formatted
paragraphs. paragraphs. paragraphs.
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Comments:
Total: 89/100 B+

This is a good start. The essay focuses a lot on summary, though. Remember, in an analysis
essay you should write your essay as if the reader has watched or read what you're analyzing.
You don't need to summarize or tell the story. Instead, you should focus on analysis. Use the
movie to support you analytical points, not your analytical points to support your telling of the
story. Right now the focus is on telling the story instead of the analysis. The analytical points
need to be more clear. The elaboration of the evidence should explain what you are supposed to
take away from the evidence or how it supports your analytical point.
Rubric rating submitted on: 12/16/2017, 10:14:25 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org
4 3 2 1 0

W.1.a: Hook (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Introduction demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
demonstrated) paragraph a couple errors multiple errors Introduction
Introduction captures the exist) exist) paragraph
paragraph reader's Introduction Introduction captures the
captures the attention. paragraph paragraph reader's
reader's captures the captures the attention.
attention. reader's reader's
attention. attention.

W.1. a: Intro (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt) A

Summary creatively A brief demonstrate, but demonstrate, but brief summary
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A summary of the a couple errors multiple errors of the text(s)
brief summary text(s) analyzed exist) A brief exist) A brief analyzed is
of the text(s) is given to summary of the summary of the given to
analyzed is anticipate the text(s) analyzed text(s) analyzed anticipate the
given to reader's is given to is given to reader's
anticipate the knowledge anticipate the anticipate the knowledge
reader's level--no more reader's reader's level--no more
knowledge than a couple knowledge knowledge than a couple
level--no more sentences. level--no more level--no more sentences.
than a couple than a couple than a couple
sentences. sentences. sentences.

W. 1.a: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt)

Introduce creatively Intro paragraph demonstrate, but demonstrate, but Intro paragraph
Claims demonstrated) clearly a couple errors multiple errors clearly
Your score: 4 Intro paragraph introduces the exist) Intro exist)Intro introduces the
clearly claims of the paragraph paragraph claims of the
 Chandler 13

introduces the body clearly clearly body

claims of the paragraphs. introduces the introduces the paragraphs.
body claims of the claims of the
paragraphs. body body
paragraphs. paragraphs.

W.1.a: Thesis (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (no attempt
Your score: 4 creatively The last a couple errors multiple errors made) The last
demonstrated) sentence is a exist) The last exist) The last sentence is a
The last thesis statement sentence is a sentence is a thesis statement
sentence is a that is clear, thesis statement thesis statement that is clear,
thesis statement sophisticated, that is clear, that is clear, sophisticated,
that is clear, and insightful. sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful.
sophisticated, and insightful. and insightful.
and insightful.

W. 1. a: Topic (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (No attempt
Sentences creatively Each body a couple errors multiple errors made) Each
Your score: 3 demonstrated) paragraph exist) Each body exist) Each body body paragraph
Each body begins with a paragraph paragraph begins with a
paragraph clear, begins with a begins with a clear,
begins with a sophisticated, clear, clear, sophisticated,
clear, and insightful sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful
sophisticated, topic sentence. and insightful and insightful topic sentence.
and insightful topic sentence. topic sentence.
topic sentence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Organization & creatively Claims, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Claims,
Sequencing demonstrated) counterclaims, a couple errors multiple errors counterclaims,
Your score: 4 Claims, reasons, and exist) Claims, exist)Claims, reasons, and
counterclaims, evidence are counterclaims, counterclaims, evidence are
reasons, and effectively reasons, and reasons, and effectively
evidence are structured and evidence are evidence are structured and
effectively organized in a effectively effectively organized in a
structured and logical structured and structured and logical
organized in a sequence. organized in a organized in a sequence.
logical logical logical
sequence. sequence. sequence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Significance of creatively The significance demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Claims demonstrated) of the claims is a couple errors multiple errors significance of
Your score: 3 The significance clearly exist) The exist) The the claims is
of the claims is established for significance of significance of clearly
clearly the audience the claims is the claims is established for
established for throughout the clearly clearly the audience
 Chandler 14

the audience body. established for established for throughout the

throughout the the audience the audience body.
body. throughout the throughout the
body. body.

W. 1. c: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Transitions creatively Thoughtful demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Thoughtfu
Your score: 4 demonstrated) progression of a couple errors multiple errors l progression of
Thoughtful ideas and details exist) exist) ideas and details
progression of with sound Thoughtful Thoughtful with sound
ideas and details transitions to progression of progression of transitions to
with sound show connection ideas and details ideas and details show connection
transitions to between points with sound with sound between points
show connection and paragraphs. transitions to transitions to and paragraphs.
between points show connection show connection
and paragraphs. between points between points
and paragraphs. and paragraphs.

W. 1. b: Focus (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 3 creatively Maintains a demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Maintains
demonstrated) consistent focus a couple errors multiple errors a consistent
Maintains a throughout. exist) Maintains exist) Maintains focus
consistent focus Thesis is a consistent a consistent throughout.
throughout. effectively focus focus Thesis is
Thesis is woven throughout. throughout. effectively
effectively throughout Thesis is Thesis is woven
woven every body effectively effectively throughout
throughout paragraph, with woven woven every body
every body ideas always throughout throughout paragraph, with
paragraph, with related back to every body every body ideas always
ideas always thesis in order to paragraph, with paragraph, with related back to
related back to prove the central ideas always ideas always thesis in order to
thesis in order to claim. related back to related back to prove the central
prove the central thesis in order to thesis in order to claim.
claim. prove the central prove the central
claim. claim.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Examples & creatively Contains demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Contains
Details demonstrated) effective, a couple errors multiple errors effective,
Your score: 3 Contains specific, exist) Contains exist) Contains specific,
effective, relevant effective, effective, relevant
specific, examples and specific, specific, examples and
relevant details to back relevant relevant details to back
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examples and up major claims examples and examples and up major claims
details to back in each body details to back details to back in each body
up major claims paragraph. up major claims up major claims paragraph.
in each body in each body in each body
paragraph. paragraph. paragraph.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Reflection of creatively Clear reflection demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Clear
Evidence demonstrated) on the evidence a couple errors multiple errors reflection on the
Your score: 3 Clear reflection is referenced exist) Clear exist) Clear evidence is
on the evidence from the text reflection on the reflection on the referenced from
is referenced and thoroughly evidence is evidence is the text and
from the text and clearly referenced from referenced from thoroughly and
and thoroughly explained to the the text and the text and clearly
and clearly audience. thoroughly and thoroughly and explained to the
explained to the clearly clearly audience.
audience. explained to the explained to the
audience. audience.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Consideration of creatively Demonstrates demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Prompt demonstrated) thoughtful a couple errors multiple errors Demonstrates
Your score: 3 Demonstrates consideration of exist) exist) thoughtful
thoughtful the task & Demonstrates Demonstrates consideration of
consideration of thoroughly thoughtful thoughtful the task &
the task & answers the consideration of consideration of thoroughly
thoroughly prompt or the task & the task & answers the
answers the assignment thoroughly thoroughly prompt or
prompt or requirements. answers the answers the assignment
assignment prompt or prompt or requirements.
requirements. assignment assignment
requirements. requirements.

W. 1. f: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Rephrase Thesis creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Your score: 4 demonstrated) restates thesis a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Conclusion and supports the exist) exist) restates thesis
restates thesis claims in the Conclusion Conclusion and supports the
and supports the essay. restates thesis restates thesis claims in the
claims in the and supports the and supports the essay.
essay. claims in the claims in the
essay. essay.

W. 1. f: So What (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
 Chandler 16

demonstrated) offers closure a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion

Conclusion and leaves the exist) exist) offers closure
offers closure reader thinking Conclusion Conclusion and leaves the
and leaves the by answering offers closure offers closure reader thinking
reader thinking the So What? and leaves the and leaves the by answering
by answering question. The reader thinking reader thinking the So What?
the So What? significance the by answering by answering question. The
question. The major claim is the So What? the So What? significance the
significance the clear to the question. The question. The major claim is
major claim is reader. significance the significance the clear to the
clear to the major claim is major claim is reader.
reader. clear to the clear to the
reader. reader.

L. 2: Sentence (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Complexity/Vari creatively Sentence variety demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentence
ety demonstrated) is effective and a couple errors multiple errors variety is
Your score: 4 Sentence variety sophisticated. exist) Sentence exist) Sentence effective and
is effective and variety is variety is sophisticated.
sophisticated. effective and effective and
sophisticated. sophisticated.

W. 1. e: Style & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Tone creatively A formal style demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) A formal
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A and objective a couple errors multiple errors style and
formal style and tone is exist) A formal exist) A formal objective tone is
objective tone is established and style and style and established and
established and maintained. objective tone is objective tone is maintained.
maintained. established and established and
maintained. maintained.

W. 1. d: Word (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Choice creatively Word demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Word
Your score: 4 demonstrated) choice/vocabula a couple errors multiple errors choice/vocabula
Word ry is exist) Word exist) Word ry is
choice/vocabula sophisticated choice/vocabula choice/vocabula sophisticated
ry is and effective. ry is ry is and effective.
sophisticated sophisticated sophisticated
and effective. and effective. and effective.

W. 4: Clarity (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Writing is clear, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Writing is
demonstrated) concise, and a couple errors multiple errors clear, concise,
Writing is clear, strong. exist) Writing is exist) Writing is and strong.
 Chandler 17

concise, and clear, concise, clear, concise,

strong. and strong. and strong.

L. 2: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Capitalization & creatively Sentences demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentences
Punctuation demonstrated) demonstrate a couple errors multiple errors demonstrate
Your score: 4 Sentences correct exist) Sentences exist) Sentences correct
demonstrate punctuation and demonstrate demonstrate punctuation and
correct capitalization. correct correct capitalization.
punctuation and punctuation and punctuation and
capitalization. capitalization. capitalization.

L. 2: Spelling & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

RO/Frag creatively There are no demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) There are
Your score: 4 demonstrated) spelling errors, a couple errors multiple errors no spelling
There are no run-ons, and/or exist) There are exist) There are errors, run-ons,
spelling errors, fragments. no spelling no spelling and/or
run-ons, and/or errors, run-ons, errors, run-ons, fragments.
fragments. and/or and/or
fragments. fragments.

L. 1: Usage (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Correct and demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Correct
demonstrated) consistent verb a couple errors multiple errors and consistent
Correct and tense is present; exist) Correct exist) Correct verb tense is
consistent verb words are used and consistent and consistent present; words
tense is present; correctly. verb tense is verb tense is are used
words are used present; words present; words correctly.
correctly. are used are used
correctly. correctly.

W. 8: Relevant (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Information creatively The quotes used demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Your score: 4 demonstrated) in each body a couple errors multiple errors quotes used in
The quotes used paragraph are exist) The exist) The each body
in each body relevant and quotes used in information paragraph are
paragraph are effectively each body from research relevant and
relevant and support the paragraph are used in each effectively
effectively thesis and the relevant and body paragraph support the
support the claims. effectively are relevant and thesis and the
thesis and the support the effectively claims.
claims. thesis and the support the
claims. thesis and the
claims.
 Chandler 18

W. 8: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Integrating creatively Information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Information demonstrated) from the text is a couple errors multiple errors Information
Your score: 4 Information integrated into exist) exist) from the tex is
from the text is the essay Information Information integrated into
integrated into selectively to from the texh is from the tex is the essay
the essay maintain the integrated into integrated into selectively to
selectively to flow of ideas, the essay the essay maintain the
maintain the avoiding selectively to selectively to flow of ideas,
flow of ideas, plagiarism, and maintain the maintain the avoiding
avoiding overreliance on flow of ideas, flow of ideas, plagiarism, and
plagiarism, and the text. avoiding avoiding overreliance on
overreliance on plagiarism, and plagiarism, and the text.
the text. overreliance on overreliance on
the text. the text.

W. 8: Citations (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Each demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Each
demonstrated) quote/paraphras a couple errors multiple errors quote/paraphras
Each e is exist) Each exist) Each e is
quote/paraphras appropriately quote/paraphras quote/paraphras appropriately
e is cited using in- e is e is cited using in-
appropriately text citations. appropriately appropriately text citations.
cited using in- cited using in- cited using in-
text citations. text citations. text citations.

L. 3: MLA (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Format creatively Paper is demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Paper is
Your score: 4 demonstrated) formatted a couple errors multiple errors formatted
Paper is according to exist) Paper is exist) Paper is according to
formatted MLA formatted formatted MLA
according to guidelines, according to according to guidelines,
MLA including: MLA MLA including:
guidelines, heading with guidelines, guidelines, heading with
including: name, teacher, including: including: name, teacher,
heading with class & period, heading with heading with class & period,
name, teacher, and date, name, teacher, name, teacher, and date,
class & period, centered title, class & period, class & period, centered title,
and date, and correctly and date, and date, and correctly
centered title, formatted centered title, centered title, formatted
and correctly paragraphs. and correctly and correctly paragraphs.
formatted formatted formatted
paragraphs. paragraphs. paragraphs.
 Chandler 19

Comments:
Total: 94/100 A-

You did a good job adding in some analytical statements to give the essay more of an analytical
focus. The essay still has a lot of summary, though.