IELTS WRITING CORRECTION- Da Thao

Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to
give money to national or international charitable organizations.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today, many people prefer to support charities that are working in their own communities while
the others believe that they should support charities that work internationally. In my opinions, Commented [dt1]: Don’t forget nationally as the question
stated.
both of these approaches have own advantages and disadvantages.
Commented [dt2]: Both
Commented [dt3]: Good.
Supporting local charities is great! Nothing can substitute for direct involvement with a
Commented [dt4]: This doesn’t sound academic.
charitable group. The work of such charities often seems more concrete. You can see it. Your
Commented [dt5]: Again, very informal
neighbors or your community as a whole may be directly benefiting from their work. It may be
Commented [dt6]: might
easier to learn about the work of local charities, because it is highlighted in a local newspaper, or
Commented [dt7]: Benefit
someone you know may work with the group. You can work with the group and develop the
kind of insight that only comes with close involvement. It is the essence of Vietnam
volunteerism: people coming together to help other people in their own communities. Commented [dt8]: You do have ideas here, but they are
vaguely expressed. I have to reread the para several times to
understand your point. Good grammar and sentence structures.

But keep in mind that some problems that charities confront aren't easy to tackle at the local Commented [dt9]: However,

level. Take the problem of air pollution for example. Often, some of the air pollution Commented [dt10]: This is not a sentence. You can just write:
for example, air pollution …..
experienced in one area is at least partly generated in another area and carried by prevailing
winds. Or water problems are caused by pollution from upstream. To deal with problems such Commented [dt11]: Moreover,

as these may require a regional or national approach. A local group working on its own may not Commented [dt12]: In order to

be able to have much impact on such problems. Therefore, supporting national or international Commented [dt13]: Fantastic idea

charitable organizations is important to solve global issues. However, all charities in this service
must have combined fund-raising and administrative costs. So there are much chances of
corruption. Money of the sponsors might be used for personal purposes of charity boards.
In conclusion, supporting local people and donating to large charities are both commendable
Commented [dt14]: You don’t need this. It neither supports
your topic sentence nor answers the question. Also, how fund-
raising and administration cost can lead to corruption? You didn’t
explain this point clearly

as means of humanitarian aids, and we should try to help as many people as possible.
Commented [dt15]: Cant use large charities to paraphrase for
national and international charities. It is ok to repeat them so that
you can stay on the topic.
Commented [dt16]: In questions that ask for your opinions, it
is nice to add I believe, my view is

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IELTS WRITING CORRECTION- Da Thao

Grade
Task 5 The idea in the second paragraph is ok. Your answer is confusing, and
Response your points weren’t clear. I recommend spending 10mins to plan your
ideas before writing.
Cohesion and 6 The efforts of connecting one idea to the next are visible sometimes. Refer
Coherence to my marking for more details. Learn to write topic sentences and
supporting sentences.
Vocabulary 6.5 Good, you know how to use unusual vocabularies correctly.
Grammar 5.5 Pay more attention to grammar. Write sentences in full.
Overall 5.5 Your grammar is fine. Pay more attention to task response to improve your
writing.

Suggested paragraph structures

Introduction
 Many people provide support to their community, while others prefer to give money
nationally and internationally.
 Both methods are helpful

Paragraph 1

 Sentence 1: several reasons for people to prefer local charities

 Sentence 2: getting to know the local.
 Sentence 3: eg: newcomers would fit in quicker if they give support to their neighbour.
 Sentence 4: gain direct benefits
 Sentence 5: eg- support to local drug addict rehab centre -> safer neighbour.

Paragraph 2

 Sentence1: several reasons for people to prefer national and international charities
 Sentence2: the problems are more urgent
 Sentence3: Earthquake in Chile -> urgent medical and financial support.
 Sentence4: save life, and some people would like to have significantly impacts on others
instead of small problems in the local.
 Sentence5: Thus, supporting nationally and internationally also have merits

Conclusion
1 sentence summaries the main point.

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