CHARACTERS

JACK - Male/Female (16-25))

The hero of the story. Must be likeable and be confident talking to the audience. Will be the
straight man for many of the gags but ultimately is on a quest for love. Strong singer
required.

JILL - Female (16-25)

Female lead. Lonely as her Father forbids her from speaking to anyone. Keen for adventure.
Confident and romantic. Falls for Jack. Strong singer.

DAME TROTT – Male (18+)

Jack’s mother. Must be of a broad and tall build. As her name suggests, she is the pantomime
Dame and, along with Simon will be the source of much of the comedy so timing and well
paced delivery is essential. Good improv skills, able to think quickly and react to the situation
around her. Some solo’s as part of others songs.

SIMPLE SIMON - Male (15-25)

Jack’s dimwitted brother. Must have high energy, good comic timing and be a very likeable
character. Good improv skills required and must be able to react quickly to audience. Some
singing required.

KING HAROLD (Male (30+)

Jill’s father. Very stern and protective of his daughter. Gets very angry at times. By the end of
the show, softens and becomes romantically linked with Dame Trott.

FAIRY TWINKLE – Female - any age

The delicate fairy of the piece. Fights for good – needs to be strong and confident in putting
Fleshcreep in his place. Speaks in rhyme. Strong singer.

FLESHCREEP – Male (age 14+)

The only physical evil character. Must be confident to work the audience. Pure evil. Scary
and intimidating. No singing required.

VOICE OF GIANT BLUNDERBORE (Male aged 18+)

Deep and threatening voice needed. Although we never see him, he needs to have a powerful
voice so that everyone fears him. No solo singing required.

WHO, WHAT and WHEN (Any gender – Age 14+)

Comedy trio. Intellectually challenged. Small parts. Should have good comedic timing. No
solo singing required.

LAZY, BUSY, NOSEY, JUMPY, BOSSY, SNOBBY, ANGRY (Any Gender, All children)
Each character should show their strong personality trait through movement, gestures and
voice. No solo singing required.

DAISY THE COW – any gender/age

Daisy is the Trott family’s cow. The two people playing this role (one front, one back) will
also play additional roles when not playing Daisy.
 FLESHCREEP AUDITION

FLESHCREEP: (evil laugh) I come from Giant Land in the sky,

My name is Fleshcreep, you’d best not ask why.
For I am the Giant’s right-hand man,
Ooh go on boo me, I don’t need any fans!
(ad lib, is that the best you can do etc)

My task is to bring fear and dread

To all who live in the Giant’s tread.
You see, this village pays US their rent
Which is why every week, from the clouds I am sent
And if they don’t keep paying their money,
The Giant will eat them with a spoonful of honey!

FAIRY TWINKLE AUDITION

TWINKLE: Oh boys and girls, don’t worry. You have me on your side!
And good will conquer evil if the two worlds do collide.
Just trust me and I’ll guide you with my magic fairy light,
You may not always see me but you’re always in my sights.

If ever there is trouble, call for me and I’ll appear

Just shout for Fairy Twinkle, I’ll come and ease your fear.
 SIMPLE SIMON AUDITION

SIMPLE SIMON: (Noticing the audience) Oooh! Hello! Let’s try that again…Hello!!
That’s better. Goodness me there’s an awful lot of you out there! Let’s
have a look (takes a pair of oversized binoculars) Ah there are some
very friendly looking people out there (ad lib details)….ooh, except
you madam. Cheer up, it might never happen. Let me introduce
myself, my name is Simon! After 3 I want you to shout your name as
loudly as you can! 1, 2, 3! Ooh I’m not sure I caught all of those! Let’s
try it one more time. 1. 2, 3…Ah lovely. Well now that you know who
I am and I know who you are, could you all do me a favour please?...
Have I lost my hearing? Could you do me a favour please?... Much
better. I want you all to stand up – that’s right, all of you! Stand up and
I want you to flap your arms like this…hahahaha! You look ridiculous!
I was only joking. What I really need is to find my lost lottery ticket.
Mum gives me money every week to get one because we are soooo
poor and it blew out of my hand (encourage aw) She will give me a
right old telling off if I don’t find it. So, after 3 can you all please
check under your chairs and shout and wave at me if you find it! 1, 2,
3! (someone finds it) Oh my! Thank you so much everyone. Now to
make sure this doesn’t happen again, I’m going to leave it in a really
safe place. In fact, I’m going to hang it here so that all of you lovely
boys and girls can keep a close eye on it! If anyone touches it you will
tell me won’t you? If anyone comes up to this ticket, you need to shout
“Simon!!” as loud as you can! Let’s try it! (chorus member tries to
take ticket – audience react – repeat) Thanks so much boys and girls, I
feel so much better knowing you will all look after it for me. Ooh
goodness is that the time?! I’d better be getting back to the farm! See
you later everyone! (audience react)
 DAME TROTT AUDITION

DAME TROTT: (offstage) Ooh you silly old cow! That’s the second time you’ve
You’ve stepped on my toes with those huge feet of yours!! (lots of
commotion as she enters with DAISY the cow. Addressing the audience) Ooh
I say! I do apologise, I didn’t see you lovely lot there! Let me introduce
myself. I’m Dame Trott and I run the farm along with my sons Simon and
Jack. Now, are you having a good day?! (audience react) I’m afraid you will
have to speak up, I’m a little hard of hearing in my old age! Are you having a
lovely day?! (audience react) Oh that’s much better. Well I’m glad you are
having a good day. I’m not. In fact, I’m having a TERRIBLE day. (audience
react) Oh it’s much worse than that. (more reaction from audience) Ever
since my husband died, it’s been such a hard life for the boys and I and we
are so poor because that evil Giant charges us a fortune for rent! (audience
reaction) In fact, we are so poor I can’t even afford to pay attention. Oh and
not to mention that I get so lonely. It’s so hard to find a man when you get to
my age especially when you work on a farm. Ooh now hang on a minute, I
wonder if there’s any strapping young men out there that would like my
company? Hmm let’s have a look (she goes into audience pointing out
several men and their qualities, then picks one in particular and asks his
name, what he does for a living, if he’s single etc. This person will
continually be referenced throughout the remainder of the show. Outrageous
flirting and winking throughout) Ooh well thank you …………….. I’m glad
you came. I’ll be seeing you a bit later!

JILL & KING HAROLD AUDITION

KING: You will never see that boy again!

JILL: Oh please, he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all my fault! I bumped

into him!

KING: Oh stop it. He was perfectly capable of looking away and refusing to
speak.

JILL: Well that would have been rather rude. Father, why is it you’re so afraid
of me speaking to people?

KING; Because you don’t know how to look after yourself!

JILL: Well how will I ever learn if you keep stepping in to stop me?

KING: Jill, I have told you this time and time again. As your father it is my duty
to keep you safe and look after you. I don’t want any harm to come to
you.

JILL: What harm would come to me chatting to a local farm boy.

KING: I don’t think I want to answer that.

JILL: No, really Father. I get so lonely sometimes and I could do with some
friends.
 JACK AUDITION

JACK: (shouting offstage) Mum! Mum!

DAME TROTT: Yes dear?

JACK: (entering) Mum, has Daisy made any milk for the Villagers yet? We
really need to get the rent together before Fleshcreep turns up for it.

DAME TROTT: No Jack, she hasn’t. I’m afraid we have no milk at all. I just don’t know
what we can do. But guess what?! I have just made some lovely friends!
Well one in particular (winks and blows a kiss to her man)

JACK: Oh I see! Hello everyone! (audience reaction) I’m Jack. I hope my

mother hasn’t been bothering you too much. She doesn’t get out much
and gets very excited when she sees new people!

DAME TROTT: Yes thank you Jack. That’s quite enough. Now how are you getting on
with trying to find yourself a job? It looks like it’s our only option at the
moment without Daisy’s milk.

JACK: I’m not getting on very well mum. Everyone seems to be short of money
with the rent to pay and can’t afford to take on any more staff.

DAME TROTT: Oh Jack, you and Simon really need to find something and quickly or
we will end up having to sell the farm to the Giant and move somewhere
else.

JACK: Oh no, we can’t do that!

DAME TROTT: Well then think of something and fast! Honestly, you never think do
you! You haven’t got a brain between you!

JACK: (sadly) Well that runs in the family.

 VOICE OF GIANT BLUNDERBORE AUDITION

GIANT BLUNDERBORE: Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be

he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my
bread.

You won’t get away with this. I’m coming

down to make sure of it!

GIANT BLUNDERBORE: Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman, be

he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my
bread!

JILL: Jack you must hide!

GIANT BLINDERBORE: Did I just hear singing?

JILL: Yes sorry, that was me. I always sing when I clean!

GIANT BLUNDERBORE: Well please don’t when you’re in my house.

JILL: Sorry. It won’t happen again.

GIANT BLUNDERBORE: See that it doesn’t.

WHO, WHAT, WHERE AUDITION

WHERE: At your service! Now please tell me, who?

WHO: Yes?

WHERE: No, no. Not you Who.

WHO: What?

WHAT: Yes?

WHERE: Oh do shut up you two! Now sir, please tell me who

WHO: That’s me sir.

WHERE: And What…

WHAT: Yes I’m here too!

WHERE: Imbeciles!