Birckbichler !

Alexa Birckbichler
Ms. Thomson
AP English Language & Composition
Friday, October 27, 2017
Love
There are thousands of, books, songs, poems, and movies, all based on the idea of one

thing: love. This idea has been perplexing people since the beginning of time. The complications

of love arise because it shows itself in many different ways, sometimes even by its absence.

Love is diverse and unexpected in every way it shows.

Love emits difficulty when trying to define because it cannot be defined as just one thing.

Different types of love encapsulate different parts of the soul. In Greek (and some Christian

culture), many different forms of love are defined; eros (sexual passion), philia (friendship),

ludus (young love), agape (selfless love), storge (family) and many more. Every word attributes

to different feelings and dynamics. Putting a particular emphasis on romantic love, ironically

there is not a specific word for that, but there are different words describing the different kinds of

romantic love, eros, ludus, mania (obsessive), and pragma (enduring). “There are many types of

love in the world, but never the same love twice.” This quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald captures the

essence of loves diversity in a very simple way. But love is not simple, it demonstrates a constant

change and the essence of becoming new. Love is overly romanticized in movies and tv shows.

One tends to think, that feeling love for a person leads to the end or the happy ending. But

feeling love for someone signifies only the beginning. Once one generates feelings of love for

another, it is believed to be set in stone. But sadly, that presumption does not hold true. Love

reveals itself as a feeling, which confuses many because they make that feeling, the base of a

relationship. When (not if) that feeling of love goes away, the relationship itself will go away too.
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Being in a committed relationship, one must commit to more than a feeling. A strong relationship

must be built upon a stronger foundation than a feeling. One can not feel love, yet continue to

choose to love. One feels love in a moment but chooses to love for a lifetime. Those feelings

once had, will come back, not in the same way it arose before, but in a better way. Because

choosing to commit to another person, illustrates the importance of what matters. It is not wrong

wanting to rekindle that feeling of love. In a relationship, one should be working towards that.

But in working towards that, it is important to keep in mind; just because there is an absence of

love, does not mean there will be an absence forever. People confuse feelings for something

permanent , they expect themselves to always feel the way they do. But the essence of a feeling

conveys the fact that it will not be forever, whether it is a feeling of love or an absence of it.

People give up on relationships because they think what they are feeling (or rather not feeling)

will be forever. However, the feeling of love is not constant, but one has to constantly choose it.

When the feeling of love dissipates, it prompts one to see what is really at the core of the

relationship. The feeling of love is like the leaves on a tree. Those leaves are beautiful and they

are what bring life to the tree. But when the leaves fall because winter is coming, it is the tree

itself that keeps standing, it is the roots that keep the tree alive. Although the leaves are beautiful

and bring air, without the roots, the leaves would have nothing to make beautiful. One cannot

have the leaves on a tree, without the roots underneath, holding the tree up. The same idea

resembles love, if one constructs a solid foundation in a relationship, the feeling of love will

always come and go. One cannot depend on that feeling, to sustain a relationship, it helps the

relationship grow, but it cannot be the foundation itself.

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Another foundational aspect in a relationship includes self-love. A relationship involves

two people but the factors those two people, as individuals bring, proves equally important. “love

often said more about those who felt it than it did the ones they loved”. This quote by Nicholas

Sparks speaks matters on the importance of oneself and who her/she is, rather than who they

love. The way one loves his/her self construes how they are going to love others. It is often

thought that a relationship will bring automatic happiness and love, but one cannot expect

another person to love if one cannot love them self. This aspect of a relationship is often over

looked, yet establishes an equally important foundation, as showing love to one’s partner.

Neglecting self-love often leads to problems that could be avoidable with it.

In a relationship, one must remain strong during the good times and the bad. A tree is

beautiful during the summer, spring and fall; it has a natural essence. Yet in the winter it dies, the

leaves fall and it doesn't look like the same tree. Only to be brought back to life again, as

beautiful as ever. But loving someone through the good and bad does not equate to loving

someone through abuse. No matter how strong the love one feels, it should never be so strong

that it leaves one powerless in the face of abuse. Love may be pain but it is not endurance of pain

from the person he/she is in a relationship with. “Be careful when you ask love to stay not every

kind of love is kind and true, but every love leaves finger prints on your heart forever.” This

poem by Nikita Gill illustrates a love that is not healthy. People often confuse love with

endurance. Although endurance is a part of love, it should not be the driving force of a

relationship. Being in a serious relationship requires one to endure hard times, but there remains

a fine line between hard times and abuse (emotional or physical). People, mostly women (this is

a fact not a judgment) seem to think that their endurance for emotional or physical abuse
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suggests a show for love, to their significant other. Sticking with a significant other, as they

continue to cause pain, exemplifies no way of showing love. It only shows the lack of love for

oneself. If he/she provides the love that everyone deserves, they would not be abusive.

People often confuse love with lust. These two feelings, both are undeniably strong, but

confusing one for the other leads to a greater heartbreak than anyone deserves. “love doesn't feel

pure anymore/its become all about what we can do for each other in terms of physical pleasure

and often defined by material……..searching for a love that resembles heaven/ but somehow

ending up in hell” Wanting another person for their body is not the same as wanting them for

who they are as a person. Society today often gives into lust only to call it love. This reveals

easier than admitting, what one has is nothing more than a physical attraction. Being in a stable

relationship requires more than a physical connection. In todays society, this is happening more

and more. We value lust more than we value love. Love is becoming something almost unheard

of as where lust is all around us. Lust is not love, it encourages thinking more about oneself than

others. Loves portrays completely the opposite. The end of this poem perfectly remarks on what

it is like, trying to find love in a place of lust; like looking for heaven and ending up in hell.

Hollywood overly romanticizes many aspects of love, one of the main being the bad parts

of love. This is where societies biggest misconception of relationships lie. The bad parts of a

relationship are not fun, they are not quickly over and done with. The bad times in a relationship

often bring out the bad sides in each person. “I understand that love and tragedy go hand in hand

and you cant have one without the other but I often find myself wondering if the trade off is

fair”. This quote by Nicholas Sparks develops the idea that even love may not be worth the

heartbreak it brings. This launches a question each person must face at one point or another,
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sometimes it is a choice but more times than not, it seems as there is no choice at all. There was a

time in my life when the last thing on my mind was heartbreak, I thought heartbreak was getting

dumped by the boy who never treated me well in the first place, that was an expected place to

show all of my expectations of heartbreak. But the real heartbreak for me came from a place I

never saw coming: my best friend. I was in the eighth grade and everything I thought I knew

about the person I had been calling my best friend was shattered. Someone who I had spent every

weekend with for the past year and a half all of the sudden didn't want to be apart of my life

anymore. No explanation, not a sorry or even a goodbye. There was no subtle drifting apart, it

was one fight that ended with “I don't think we should be friends anymore” that is all I got after

investing all of my hope in one person, who in the end only let me down. “maybe the heart

cracks/to empty itself of things/I no longer need to feel” This poem by R.H. Sin tries to give

meaning and purpose to all the feelings of heartbreak. It is an attempt to give hope that maybe,

this all happened for a reason.

Love is diverse and unexpected in every way it shows. The only constant that love

guarantees is inconsistency.
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Work Cited

Fitzgeral, F scott. The Short Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald A New Collection. Paw Prints,

2008. 301

Gill, Nikita. Your Soul is a River. Thought Catalog Books. 2016. 65

Sine, R.H. Whiskey, Words, and a Shovel, Andrews McCeel Publishing. 2016. 45, 107

Sparks, Nicholas. The best of me. Grand Central Publishing, 2013. 154

Sparks Nicholas. The longest ride. Grand central Publishing, 2014. 281

Urban, Shilo. “Wisdom from Ancient Greeks: Learn the 8 Types of Love.” Organic

Authority, Organ Authority , 30 Jan. 2017, www.organicauthority.com