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Grade

Austin​ ​Williams

Mrs.Delrio

Rough​ ​Draft

3/29/16

If​ ​you​ ​own​ ​a​ ​horse​ ​you​ ​probably​ ​already​ ​know​ ​that​ ​they​ ​are​ ​a​ ​very​ ​good​ ​animal,​ ​you​ ​may

look​ ​at​ ​them​ ​as​ ​a​ ​big​ ​dog​ ​with​ ​big​ ​beady​ ​eyes,​ ​or​ ​even​ ​a​ ​family​ ​member,​ ​so​ ​what​ ​would​ ​you​ ​do

if​ ​you​ ​found​ ​out​ ​that​ ​the​ ​horse​ ​population​ ​was​ ​in​ ​danger?​ ​Many​ ​horses​ ​in​ ​the​ ​United​ ​States​ ​are​ ​in

danger​ ​of​ ​losing​ ​the​ ​land​ ​that​ ​they​ ​graze​ ​on.​ ​In​ ​November​ ​of​ ​2014,​ ​Robert​ ​Redford​ ​wrote​ ​an

article​ ​about​ ​the​ ​deteriorating​ ​love​ ​for​ ​horses​ ​throughout​ ​the​ ​United​ ​States.​ ​He​ ​used​ ​Many

logical​ ​statements,​ ​ ​ethical​ ​standpoints,​ ​and​ ​a​ ​strong​ ​tone​ ​to​ ​support​ ​his​ ​facts​ ​for​ ​protecting​ ​wild

horse,​ ​although​ ​he​ ​had​ ​a​ ​very​ ​good​ ​article​ ​there's​ ​some​ ​things​ ​he​ ​could​ ​of​ ​done​ ​different.

Robert​ ​Redford​ ​wrote​ ​this​ ​article​ ​using​ ​logic,​ ​ethical,​ ​and​ ​emotional​ ​views.​ ​The​ ​first

sentence​ ​he​ ​states​ ​is​ ​that​ ​him​ ​and​ ​horses​ ​have​ ​shared​ ​existence,​ ​personal​ ​and​ ​professional​ ​for​ ​a

very​ ​long​ ​time.​ ​This​ ​is​ ​a​ ​very​ ​important​ ​statement​ ​because​ ​this​ ​will​ ​show​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​that​ ​he​ ​is

very​ ​passionate​ ​about​ ​what​ ​he​ ​is​ ​talking​ ​about,​ ​plus​ ​someone​ ​can​ ​not​ ​have​ ​that​ ​strong​ ​of​ ​a

relationship​ ​with​ ​just​ ​anything.​ ​After​ ​that,​ ​he​ ​tells​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​how​ ​disturbing​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​livelihood

will​ ​assault​ ​the​ ​American​ ​Principles.​ ​Redford​ ​also​ ​explains​ ​that​ ​the​ ​stand​ ​offs​ ​between​ ​Ranchers

and​ ​the​ ​Government​ ​about​ ​the​ ​land​ ​is​ ​all​ ​falling​ ​back​ ​on​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​and​ ​is​ ​creating​ ​an​ ​American
tragedy.​ ​These​ ​statements​ ​are​ ​very​ ​crucial​ ​to​ ​Redford's​ ​writing​ ​because​ ​it​ ​really​ ​pulls​ ​the​ ​reader

in​ ​from​ ​an​ ​ethical​ ​standpoint,​ ​also​ ​after​ ​reading​ ​these​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​will​ ​start​ ​to​ ​side​ ​with​ ​him.

Redford​ ​has​ ​a​ ​very​ ​strong​ ​view​ ​on​ ​this​ ​topic,​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​can​ ​see​ ​this​ ​with​ ​the​ ​opening​ ​of

this​ ​paragraph.​ ​ ​He​ ​states​ ​that​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​in​ ​the​ ​United​ ​States​ ​only​ ​have​ ​17%​ ​of​ ​the​ ​land​ ​that

BLM​ ​permitted​ ​them.​ ​This​ ​fact​ ​is​ ​important​ ​because​ ​it​ ​could​ ​really​ ​pull​ ​at​ ​the​ ​heartstrings​ ​of​ ​the

reader.​ ​Redford​ ​also​ ​says​ ​that​ ​if​ ​the​ ​right​ ​for​ ​horses​ ​to​ ​live​ ​freely​ ​continues​ ​to​ ​be​ ​aggravated​ ​then

that​ ​will​ ​assault​ ​the​ ​American​ ​Principles​ ​for​ ​them​ ​to​ ​live​ ​freely.​ ​This​ ​will​ ​really​ ​get​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​to

think​ ​about​ ​his​ ​side​ ​because​ ​this​ ​will​ ​show​ ​them​ ​how​ ​strongly​ ​he​ ​feels​ ​about​ ​this​ ​topic.​ ​Not​ ​only

that,​ ​but​ ​this​ ​will​ ​also​ ​show​ ​that​ ​Redford​ ​thinks​ ​of​ ​horses​ ​as​ ​humans.​ ​He​ ​then​ ​states​ ​the

“Ongoing​ ​persecution​ ​of​ ​wild​ ​horses​ ​and​ ​those​ ​that​ ​value​ ​them​ ​is​ ​unacceptable​ ​and​ ​threatens​ ​the

very​ ​spirit​ ​of​ ​the​ ​American​ ​West.”​ ​This​ ​may​ ​be​ ​the​ ​most​ ​important​ ​sentence​ ​in​ ​the​ ​article

because​ ​the​ ​west​ ​has​ ​a​ ​good​ ​history​ ​and​ ​impact​ ​on​ ​the​ ​United​ ​states​ ​today.

The​ ​author​ ​describes​ ​the​ ​argument​ ​very​ ​well,​ ​but​ ​not​ ​at​ ​the​ ​best​ ​of​ ​his​ ​ability.​ ​First,

Redford​ ​never​ ​sided​ ​with​ ​the​ ​opposing​ ​party.​ ​He​ ​also​ ​could​ ​have​ ​made​ ​his​ ​topic​ ​more​ ​clear,​ ​the

reader​ ​may​ ​be​ ​confused​ ​on​ ​what​ ​he​ ​is​ ​actually​ ​trying​ ​to​ ​get​ ​across.​ ​For​ ​example​ ​is​ ​he​ ​trying​ ​to

protect​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​land,​ ​or​ ​tell​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​about​ ​all​ ​the​ ​funds​ ​that​ ​are​ ​put​ ​into​ ​the​ ​land,​ ​but​ ​yet

nothing​ ​is​ ​being​ ​done.​ ​Finally,​ ​Redford​ ​may​ ​of​ ​persuaded​ ​more​ ​readers​ ​with​ ​more​ ​of​ ​an

emotional​ ​standpoint​ ​instead​ ​of​ ​just​ ​logic​ ​and​ ​what​ ​is​ ​ethically​ ​correct.

While​ ​using​ ​Redford's​ ​opinions,​ ​you​ ​now​ ​know​ ​what​ ​you​ ​could​ ​do​ ​to​ ​protect​ ​horses.

Robert​ ​Redford​ ​wrote​ ​a​ ​exceptional​ ​article​ ​on​ ​the​ ​lack​ ​of​ ​love​ ​the​ ​United​ ​states​ ​has​ ​for​ ​horses

and​ ​the​ ​small​ ​portions​ ​of​ ​land​ ​that​ ​we​ ​give​ ​them.​ ​ ​The​ ​author’s​ ​purpose​ ​was​ ​to​ ​persuade​ ​the

readers​ ​to​ ​help​ ​protect​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​land​ ​that​ ​they​ ​graze​ ​on.​ ​ ​Not​ ​only​ ​that,​ ​but​ ​he​ ​was​ ​also​ ​trying​ ​to
state​ ​the​ ​fact​ ​that​ ​horses​ ​are​ ​treated​ ​unfairly​ ​and​ ​that​ ​would​ ​be​ ​against​ ​america's​ ​principles.​ ​So,

this​ ​is​ ​a​ ​challenge​ ​to​ ​the​ ​reader​ ​to​ ​persuade​ ​people​ ​to​ ​protect​ ​the​ ​horses​ ​land.

Rubric
A B C D F
Categories

Clearly​ ​related
Related​ ​several Concept Concepts​ ​not
several Concepts​ ​do​ ​not
Ideas,​ ​15% concepts​ ​to answered well​ ​related​ ​to
concepts​ ​to answer​ ​question
answer​ ​question question answer​ ​question
answer​ ​question

Varied​ ​&
purposeful
Reads​ ​smoothly, Awkward
Sentence beginnings, Repetitive,
Transitions phrasing,
Missing Flows,​ ​Some First​ ​Draft
Fluency, flow,Varied​ ​& disjointed,
transitions, awkward Quality
15% purposeful Tough​ ​to
constructed phrasing
beginnings read-a-loud
sentences
and/or​ ​variation

No​ ​Errors: Very​ ​Few Some​ ​Errors: Many​ ​Errors:


spelling, Errors:​ ​spelling, spelling, spelling,
Conventions grammar, grammar, grammar, grammar, Rough​ ​Draft
,​ ​20% punctuation, punctuation, punctuation, punctuation, Quality
caps​ ​& caps​ ​& caps​ ​& caps​ ​&
paragraph paragraph paragraph paragraph

Main​ ​Idea,7​ ​to​ ​5 Missing​ ​Main


Main​ ​Idea,4​ ​to​ ​3 Main​ ​Idea,2 Main​ ​Idea,1
Organization Supporting Idea​ ​and/or
Supporting Supporting Supporting
,​ ​50% Details,
Details Details Detail
Supporting
Conclusion Detail