IF WE ALL STAND OUT NO

ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.

IF WE ALL STAND OUT NO

O
ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.

IF WE ALL STAND OUT NO

ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.
N
IF WE ALL STAND OUT NO
ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.
E
WHY PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOUR NOT
Leah Bennett forced relationships that would make her friends and
family happy but now she feels empowered by her indivuality to
challenge conventional sexuality.

PHOTOGRAPHY SHAUNA BURNETT

“I would always joke that I should have known I was asexual because the majority
of my friends are.” LEAH

AN ASEXUAL EXPLANATION
BY SHAUNA BURNETT
Exploring the surreal affair of being asexual through individuality
“At least if your straight, gay
or bisexual you have common
knowledge of what sexual attraction
is, where as for me it’s quite difficult
to discover you have a lack of
something.”
LEAH BENNETT
The emergence of asexuality and it’s visibility is still
something relatively new to come out of the 21st century.
In 2001, statistics revealed that about 1% of the population
were asexual. Assuming this statistic holds truth, the world
population of asexual people would stand at over 60
million, being a significant amount of asexuals. Leah Bennett,
has identified as a member of the ace community since she
was in her early 20’s. Of course coming out as an asexual is
very singular in comparison to other sexualities. Say if you
were announcing your secret homosexuality to your friends
and family, sure it’s a life changing experience but you’re
still announcing your capability to feel sexual attraction,
which is normal. Whereas if you come out asexual your
unusual, so why would you tell anyone? The unreality of
asexuality masks a disbelief in it, when comparing to other
orientations under the scope of LGBT. It would seem that
throughout history asexuals were individually asexual to
avoid a collision of differences between wanting sex and
not. Leah said, “I’m sure asexuals have been around forever
because well I’m here and I do exist but when I was growing
up there was no information available on this as a sexual
orientation.”
One reason I find asexuality disorientating is for the fact
if people were asexual years ago, why wasn’t there any
information around about it? Alfred Kinsey, who in the
Kinsey reports of 1948 and 1953, added a grade for
asexuality - a separate category ‘X,’ created for those with
“no socio-sexual contacts or reactions.” The category ‘X’
orientation has been around for over 50 years but there is
little research into it’s complications as a sexuality. Jeremy
Jabbour studying sexual orientation at Northwestern
university explains, “Not being attracted to anyone is a
completely different issue which hasn’t been looked into
enough, which is something for people to research in the
future.” With this in mind it perhaps develops a level for
understanding as to why individuals struggled alone because
they were so different that even in today’s vast growing
society we are yet to distinguish a scientific exploration,
discovering a sense of truth for these people.
Sexual identification has always been triggered by
individuality, encouraged grossly by the LGBT communities
ever growing span of millennials, who strive to create a
sense of colloquialism for being different - But asexuals
express a disbelief in their identity. David Jay, asexual
activist, who created AVEN - Asexual Visibility Education
Network, which provides a community and education for
over 50,000 asexuals globally, talks of the nitty gritty realism
of discovering your uniqueness. “I thought something was
wrong with me, I remember the first time I came out in a
group of people was when I was at camp and I just broke
down and cried it was really really hard because it was
so hard to assert that it was okay to myself.” He went
on and explained, “I was really afraid of being judged and
being seen as broken and so it took me a long time.” Being
broken is a common feeling shared by asexuals, Colleen,
aged 20, from America who has her own twitter page
called Wrong About Asexuals, which similarly to David Jay’s
AVEN, aims to educate the twitter world about asexuality,
explains how she was forced to feel broken by her own
mother. “It doesn’t help that many people refuse to believe
in asexuality. For instance, my mum still doesn’t believe in it.
She believes that my self esteem is so low that I just think
no one would want to have sex with me, which isn’t the
case at all.”
Unless your from the LGBT community, or an asexual,
chances are you probably can’t relate to an outsider like
Leah. She spent her childhood growing up different without
any information why, broken because of this. Leah grew up
in Barnstaple, Devon, with her mother, who was very open
and expecting of her daughter to have sex. But that wasn’t
who she was. At the age of 20, Leah began to reevaluate
her life, she had always known she was different but why? In
her words she expressed, “I make the joke of being more
interested in video games and comic book characters than
relationships and sex.” I asked myself: “Why, but struggled
to find the answer?”
“I thought something was wrong with me,” Leah shared. “I
didn’t understand why I felt the way I did.”
“Sexual attraction”: Is attraction based on sexual desire or
the quality of arousing such interest. Sexual attractiveness
or sex appeal is an individual’s ability to attract the sexual
and erotic interests of others. Societies view is that sexual
attraction is the norm and to not feel aroused at all is so
far from what’s expected. Leah feels sexual attraction once
she has developed an emotional connection with them but
she is far from a typical hetrosexual
actively seeking sex. She is asexual - so understand it.
She said, “I came from a very sex positive household so I
don’t really think my mum understood it. I get the feeling
that my extended family the ones that I’ve told really
don’t understand it. I have a relationship with a guy and
that’s all they care about, I think a lot of the time they
see me as a straight woman, which obviously isn’t what
I am and the same with my non-asexual friends I don’t
think they understand it because it’s outside of their usual
experiences.”
Gay pride flourished the year of 2013 as Legislation to
allow same-sex marriage in England and Wales was passed
by the Parliament of the United Kingdom in July. Similarly
the asexual flag hung high in honour of its removal from
the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Hyperactive Sexual
Desire disorder has gathered much criticism, primarily from
asexual activists. They point out that HSDD puts asexuality
in the same position homosexuality was from 1974-1987.
The DSM-5 of the manual now explicitly and clearly
recognizes asexuality, and says that if a person is asexual,
that they should not be diagnosed with Hypoactive Sexual
Desire Disorder. Michael J’dore, AVEN member, expressed,
“It’s certainly easier given the label so people don’t just
think something’s wrong with you or you haven’t found the
right person instead they just think your different. It can be
liberating.”
Asexuality is deep routed in societies diverse capabilities
challenging existing expectations. David Jay, introduced
me to the future of relationships, the unconventional
ones, which aren’t just sex obsessed. In 2013, California
introduced the opportunity for children to have more
than two legal parents, allowing asexuals to have a family
without the sex. David Jay said,“Co- parenting definitely not
a thing I invented. People in California have third parents.
Were the first time in California state law that there’s been
more than a two person family, which involves someone
who is asexual.” Sleepless nights filled with desperate cries
for attention, bottle feeds whilst pressed upon the chest
and that eternal love that’s real pure is all apart of David
Jay’s reality and potentially a future alternative for many
asexuals. Third parent arrangement is about having enough
time and energy to look after the baby, whilst still enjoying
life. It allows asexuals to have children without sex and to
be apart of unconventional relationships. David Jay says,
“ In the asexual community we have the opportunity to
challenge conventional relationships and that’s part of the
reason we have grown is because we challenge the views
that society has.”
It seems as if society will always struggle to accept
asexuality as Karli June Cerankowski, American professor,
author, and theorist whose work focuses on gender and
human sexuality explains, “Sex and sexual desire seem so
“normal.” Asexuality challenges people’s ideas about what
is normal in terms of sexual desire and attraction or what
is considered “healthy” especially as we are often told that
it is “healthy,” “normal,” and even necessary to have and
want sex.”
Perhaps the 21st century is still fixated on an explanation
of asexuality, which is easier to comprehend. One like being
raped and traumatised to the point you now identify as
asexual that would provide a level of understanding no
one could argue against. However, would you then be
asexual by sexuality or choice? But imagine the victory for
the asexual community if society were to view asexuality
with acceptance. Rather than this human need to question
because if you were really asexual by sexuality, like Leah
you would say, “I was born this way.”