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 DEDICATION:
I dedicate this work to everyone who has been
emotionally abused, verbally abused or physically
battered. Our painful experiences are avoidable and I
pray that you are healed. Stay on course.
Point 1 I RENOUNCE GOD
“I renounce God” – Ese Walter

Our system has made it very easy to renounce

God.When Ese posted this narrative, it was not a
surprise to many people. Ese is a prototype of the
Nigerian people 'on the other side'. But at least, she
even had the effrontery to open up. There are
innumerable Eses who have renounced God long
before and since after Ese. Today, many more will. And
I do not have the right to assess their decision to
believe or not believe that there is God.
Our system has made it
very easy to renounce God.

What I do know is that our system has made it very

easy to renounce God. Renouncing God is even a very
NECESSARY step to take in order to FIND Him. I mean,
how do you even know if you know God if you do not
try to find extraneous means to seek Him? I recall a few
years ago, going to church or gathering with any
Christian group was a huge bone in my throat. My
entire system had shut down to the mess I thought I
had become a part of.
Nowadays, I see a great number of Nigerians give
EVERYTHING to 'God' and yet, remain indolent,
directionless and worse, poor (not broke). I see many
young and passionate Christians equate fluency of
reading the bible to fluency of consultancy or
professional work. I am confused. Where do these
meet?

I see church leaders struggle to persuade members

that the church and her 'men of God' are all they need
to prevail and survive in the trying times of our
dispensation. I observe shallow arguments and
gymnastics on the pulpit all with the goal of telling you
to 'cling to the church and God's work, or nothing for
you' This is the fallacy that has sent vibrant children of
God on to the streets.

Have you noticed what happens on Sunday mornings,

especially in cities like Lagos? Young fellows who could
have been very helpful as ushers, greeters, singers, and
workers in any church are very happy to unwind, play
soccer or just sleep at home. I bet you, their
consciences are not seared as many born again
Christians like to quickly conclude. These lads are just
tired of being 'used to showcase God.'
The average young lad asks himself, “Why do I have to
feel misplaced because I am 'improperly' dressed?” Or,
“Why do I have to feel deficient because my offering is
not as weighty as the man on the pulpit is wont to
make me believe?” In the minds of these lads, they are
muttering the words, “Let my conscience understand
that I am safer and happier with my boys (or alone)
than I would be in a 'coven' called a church.” These
boys, by their conducts, have told God to take a chill
pill.

WE, THE MEMBERSHIP, ARE THE BANE OF THE

CHURCH.
We gradually refused to let our pastors be human. It
was more convenient for us to see them as God's
representatives (whom they are) but we took it a notch
higher. We said, “Please display the affluence and
influence that will make us submit to you. Speak like
God.” And like God, they speak. It is this level of
placement that makes it difficult for us to swallow
when our appointed 'Gods' commit atrocities that
stagger our minds. No, in fact, the atrocities do not
stagger our minds. They makes us numb.

But, guess what we do next? We deify them more. The

only logical response we can produce from an assault
is more deifying. 'Who am I to question the anointed?'
runs through our minds. The overall implication of this
pattern is that victims of these atrocities are bruised,
battered and banished into their own conclusions. And
because the only definition of 'God' in the eyes of
these unlettered, unwilling or unsuspecting members
is the pastor, the victims say, 'This God is evil. I won't
serve this God.’

We gradually refused to
let our pastors be human.

Dear Christian, God is miffed at you. He is actually in

some level of disbelief. This is because access to Him is
so free yet, so veiled. Your understanding of Him is so
possible yet, so impossible. Just like everything else in
life, GOD IS READILY AVAILABLE IF YOU WILL ALLOW
YOURSELF GO FOR HIM.

Renouncing God does not change God. Neither does it

close down His church. His church is infallible. No
human interference can bring the church down. No
human errors or deliberate evils can also snatch God's
own from Him. The question is, ARE YOU WILLING TO
BE GOD'S OWN?

Allegiance to the church system and your pastors is a

command which is very important to obey. Above that
only, is YOUR PERSONAL RAPPORT WITH THE GOD OF
THE CHURCH AND PASTOR.

Renounce God at your peril. God no go vex.

Point 2 DIVORCE Installation
& ABUSES: Completed.

Divorces and brutality in wedlock will not stop any time

soon. Just like rape, molestation and other sexually
related crimes, abuses will continue for a long time.

The reason is simple: we have upgraded sentiments

above logic.

When a victim makes an attempt, no, an error of

opening up about being molested, beaten or
harassed, we become judgemental rather than
therapeutic. HR practitioners say that reward and
penalty are both sources of motivation. So, what
happened to applying punishment and counselling
with the aim of protecting BOTH the abuser and the
abused?

In the mind of God, as He established throughout

scripture, the procedure is, “Remove the evil one from
among you for the purpose of 'restorative
punishment' and concentrate on the abused one to
restore his/her psyche.”

Both the abuser and the abused need help!

Painfully, we have installed the pattern that portrays

others NOT AS THEY ARE but AS WE ARE- vindictive,
abusive & verdict-driven.

The irony is that the soul of a Nigerian is a sweet being,

sincerely interested in the wellness and happiness of
others. That is the core of our heritage (as so many
historical references show). But then, let's face it. For as
long as our current attitudes, religious laws and
societal perceptions threaten the sanity of individuals
who are in crisis, the more crises there will be.

When people try to avoid crises or flaws instead of

facing these flaws to find help, they always commit the
same flaws that lead to further crises. A rapist who is
not encouraged to face his vice and guided towards
rehabilitation will always rape someone else out of a
broken spirit. After all, he will feel bad for a while and
be bold again to try it again.

A wife beater who has not accepted that they both

need to work out a mutual strategy to help him
overcome the urge to molest her will always beat his
wife, apologize to her and beat her again and again.

A religious system that is quick to banish and disgrace

rather than understand the loopholes that bring about
failures will have more adherents pretend or worse, fall
repeatedly. This is the cycle. The cycle where the mind
cannot handle resistance.

The longer our current attitudes,

religious laws and societal perceptions
threaten the sanity of individuals
who are in crisis, the more
crises there will be.

I am even pondering, which high profile Nigerian

celebrities have given us access to their marital crises
or struggles? Whom among our very prominent role
models or mentors have been vulnerable with their
story? But then, why should they help you with their
story when the risk is stigma & debranding? Whose
fault is it? Your guess is as good as mine. We have shut
out those who could have helped us by being quick to
insult 'grace'.

Two years ago, my wife and I played host to a female

family friend who had deep crisis with her husband; the
man had beat her a few times. My wife told her that
even though I had never raised my hands to smite her,
we had had a fair share of emotional and verbal crisis.
My wife encouraged her to develop capacity not to be
a trigger for more crises that leads to physical assault.
Guess what she did with the information? She shared
her experience with her 'accountability partner' and
created a narrative that I still treat my wife today in the
same way my wife felt treated over four years ago. My
wife is still heartbroken by this outcome. Many times,
vulnerability is a function of the hurting and the
hurting who has healed. Until we accept that we are
humans needing support from humans, our heart
problems will remain.

Friend, God is more vexed at our manner of handling

people's problems than even the problems they cause
us. You just may be in the line of God's judgment
because of your intolerance or insensitivity. Please
watch it.

My big sister, Inya Ode of NigeriaInfo FM Abuja was

sharing a thought with me about the unfortunate
incidence of the mother of two who was murdered by
her husband. We were estimating how daunting the
responsibilities are for those of us who are pushing for
a different way of thinking.

One painful reality that we will deal with as a nation is

that for every woman who suppresses her abuse and
does not voice out, she will likely become
dysfunctional and then, raise dysfunctional children (a
son, most likely) who will get married and start another
dysfunctional home. We have a cycle that will reinforce
our problem of abuse. Are we ready for the harvest?

As Nigerians, we must develop appetite to empower

ourselves beyond the rhetoric on social media. In fact,
more than two-thirds of vituperations on social media
are disempowering. They are just criticisms without a
way forward or a tangible solution to what has been
criticised. This is incomplete work. There will always be
crisis in marriages and relationships. The individuals
involved will always be in pains, mentally and
emotionally. It is inappropriate to cast aspersions on
wounded souls.

We should develop capacity to allow people share

their vulnerabilities as much as we share our
photoshopped narratives. Our propensity for posing
makes everyone project fairy tale pictures and create
impressions that we are well. Learn to be real.

Help is only available to those

who seek it. I believe that Whitney,
MJ and Prince would still
be here if they had sought help.
Help is available only when we seek it. We have lost
many souls to failure to seek help. I personally feel
Whitney, MJ and Prince would still be alive if they had
sought help. I also believe that every woman battered
to date in our country would have been better off had
they found help without being slammed the gavel.
(Cases in point: Ese Walter, Tiwa & TJ and the women
who have been killed by their husbands in the most
recent years).

Another angle to abuse is the employee-related

scenario. Many of us in entrepreneurship have not
demonstrated honour. We claim we are capable of
leading teams but we do not develop the capacity to
do so. I was at a school recently where the school
owner barked instructions at every staff. When I sat
down with him, I deliberately raised the subject of
anger management as a very profitable skill to help his
staff improve their work. Guess his response. “In fact
Coach, my staff need this seriously. Especially Mr A, he
is always angry and screaming at the pupils. Young
pupils o, coach!” He exclaimed.

Research has proven that the problems of businesses

are the owners of the businesses. (Rephrased, business
owners are the first problems their businesses face).
In order to escape victimisation and abuse, employees
must develop capacity to outgrow their qualifications
so that they can hold their own when the chips are
down. You will always be the butt of your employer
when he is your 'alpha and omega'. You must be very
focused and determined to invest in yourself and grow
your competencies so that while your employer is king,
you can become the king maker. The only way to fire
your boss is to grow more competent by the day.

You must remember that you are primarily self-

marketing. Naturally market yourself everywhere you
find yourself so that in person and service, you can
make profit. The Law of the Lid (by John C. Maxwell)
says that you really cannot grow beyond the capacity
of whom you devote all your energy to. So my take is
this, devote energy to several sources so that your lid
threshold will be too high for you to be stuck beneath.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Finally, he who has committed no wrong, let him keep

casting aspersions. Just be aware that we, as a people,
installed divorce and abuse. We CAN uninstall it. WILL
we?
Point 3
RUSTYTheTOOLBOXES:
Futility of Being Schooled

On Sunday night, as we drove home from a leisure

outing with my ladies, Sharon began describing the
first time she visited the Silverbird Galleria. She said,
“Feranmi (her younger sibling) was one year old and
Tomilola (her cousin) was not born then.'' I looked at
the Mum in amazement, shook my head and said, 'This
girl has grandma's graphic memory.' Like all of us,
Sharon is showing the promise of her age. At every
age, it is a demand from God on us to demonstrate the
promise of our age, learning, exposures and capacity.

This reminds me also of a bible study session in my

church when the question was asked, "Does one retire
from working for God?" and in my contribution I said
that working for God is contextual. A system
assignment say, an appointment in church, can
become a retire-able position by virtue of age,
functionality or transfer but by nature, no one retires
from the 'work of God'.

We all change phases and modes of our work for God.

We the younger people are vibrant and can travel to
undertake missions and be highly evangelistic but the
older one gets, the more subtle one's work for God
may become. Perhaps, more intercessory than
itinerant. These are the contexts of our work for God.

I started this chapter this way because God is getting

an overload of prayers that are irrelevant to the
assignment. This chapter is directed at you, waiting for
a favour, a job or a right to be helped.

Some days ago, a young chap requested that I coach

him so he could get direction. Many requests like this
come to me every other day. The only problem with
most of these requests is that majority actually think,
feel and decide to ask for my time without recourse to
asking, 'What am I ready to sacrifice to get this time
from this man?’

We have so many schooled Nigerian adults who are

very vibrant on social media but inactive in building
their mental, emotional and intellectual enterprises.
The last time I checked, we all have the same twenty-
four hours, the same internet space, the same data and
the same access to information. I am, in no way,
different from you. The difference is my WHERE I apply
my APPETITE.

It is widely agreed that Nigerian schools are

substandard but it is also a given that many of us did
not have the luxury of a foreign degree. I, for one, am
born, bred, schooled and groomed 100% in Nigeria.
My first ever attempt to travel abroad was as an
employee. In fact, my first ever air flight was as an
employee (post-NYSC, post-first 6 years of working
too). Neither did I have access to any silver spoon
anywhere but, guess what? Today, I have walked
through corridors that I may otherwise only have
wondered about. I have on my contact list very
intimidating names and I am very grateful for the
change of profile. It is not because God loves me most.
It is because my APPETITE is channelled towards my
VISION.

Identify any living being or pet that you love. Imagine

that you feed this being, groom this being, sustain this
being and provide for this being but this being
chooses to hope you will keep the sustenance flowing
endlessly. Would this give you cause for concern? Your
answer is you.

HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY!

It is not logical to have gone through any level of
schooling, even primary school leaving certificate is
tenable enough, and be going cap-in-hand ALWAYS.
Dependence is good but dependence has a SHELF
LIFE. It should not last forever.
To whom anything is given, something tangible is
expected.

It is your availability that makes your church, mentor,

siblings, employers, colleagues and everyone else 'use'
you. Of course, in the availability of time and resources,
visionary people will use you. It is said that when you've
got no dream to build, someone will use you to build
his dream.

There is nothing wrong in being stranded about your

future but everything is wrong when you expect to
arrive at your future easily. There is NO easy success.
Favour and Grace is real but the process cannot be
short-circuited.

Let me help you:

1. What EXACTLY do you want from life? If you don't
know, please Google Ebuka Anichebe, Akpoveta
Valentine and Femi 'Ranti Adeniyi. They will help you.

2. What do you HAVE that you MUST GIVE to GET what

you NEED? Don't go to these peeps with an apology, a
sorry story or some SOS gist. Pay the price and be
prized.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how READY are you to TAKE

CHARGE of your life? Your answer may not be true. If
your answer gives you the shivers, it is a good thing.
Keep saying the answer until your mind can
accommodate it.

Let God supply you what you NEED and not what He
has already given you. God has given you EVERYTHING
already. It is INSIDE you. Brains, people, exposures, and
a WILL. Don't waste your time being a loafer.

I have noticed a problem with us. We know so many

people but we are not prosperous. We are a selfie
generation who prize pictures above opportunities
that can take us higher. We forget that even networks
have a shelf life. The people you know now will not
always be where you know them and how you relate
with them now is not how accessible they will be then.

The secret to utilising networks is to be enterprising

yourself. It is very important for you to develop
capacity for your passion. As soon as you have
commenced building inner content and capacity for an
assignment, your manner of needs would differ. When
your manner of needs differ, whom you need will show
up. When this fellow shows up, how you will be
supported will also be unique. Supporting you is not all
about money and attending your show, it is also about
granting you other doors for more benefits.
 Identify a need you can fill in a
person's life and/or business
and fill that need.

Free advice: Identify a need you can fill in a person's life

and/or business and fill that need. The natural
outcome from this is an almost eternal open door of
privileges.
If you do not use what God has given you,
#DiarisGodO. No be only you waka come.
Point 4
APC, PDP
and the Rest of us

The Nigerian people double speak. It is our way. It is

always another person's problem until it happens in
our backyards. The government is dealing decisively
with the Niger-Delta militants but are 'silently' dealing
decisively with the dangerous herdsmen. And while
the government is 'busy failing' in its crisis
management approach, Nigerian followers are 'busy
self-sabotaging'.

Some say, “The Niger-Deltans have legitimate reasons

to create commotion, the herdsmen do not. So, the
herdsmen should be dealt with and the Niger-Deltans,
invited to dialogue.'' Some others say, “Fighting Niger-
Deltans is an abuse of human rights but fighting the
herdsmen is holy because it is in defence of innocent
souls.' At every juncture, we have always shown that
“ours is better than theirs” then we sit back and cry;
asking, “Who did this to us as a nation?” We holler and
curse; saying, “Our politicians are using us to divide
and rule.” Are we for real?

It is already one whole year since APC 'surprisingly'

won the general elections. The excitement and relief
that greeted their victory was unprecedented. 365
days down the line, the angst and disappointment that
has greeted their strategy is also unprecedented.
Nigerians are not smiling.

I was one of the proponents that Nigeria needed

Buhari at the helm of affairs so as to steer us towards a
new course that would make sense. I am still very able
to trust his intentions and vision. Only that I have a
problem. Intentions are not enough!

Many times I have intended to do great things. I intend

to build houses for people I love. I intend to send many
depraved kids to school on scholarship. I intend to
feed millions of people remotely, by sending money
and materials, and not even know who they are.
Intentions are everywhere. Besides, no intention is
wrong. But intention alone does not create results.

There is too much theory about how blessed Nigeria is.

Every day, our lords on social media show infographics
that Nigeria's existence is a miracle despite the
humongous bleeding of her resources. In my mind, I
see Nigeria as a very old woman who has supernatural
blood which keeps her alive. However, she is haggard
with shrivelled hair and a scraggy face. Her dress is torn
and her feet sore with blisters and pains. Nigeria needs
a medical emergency, if we will be honest.
We were rewarded by God with GEJ. Another man who
had 'good intentions' but who squandered virtually all
his goodwill. Not because he orchestrated it. No! He
just happened to 'unconsciously' oversee the rape and
molestation of his motherland right under his nose.
Let's face it, GEJ is a good man. He is a kind man. His
heart is flesh. Being around him is heavenly. Let us be
frank; he is a man who has every potential to be good
father, friend and confidant. Even from afar, you will
know that he is peace-personified.

He ascended the Rock (Aso Rock) facing crisis from the

terrorists amongst other issues but it was probably his
calm spirit which helped him scale through his own
elective term. GEJ's sin was being humane. His
lieutenants (those who worked in his government)
dealt him a big blow by making the commonwealth
their birth right. Every step of the way, we (the people
of Nigeria) were coerced, or persuaded, into believing
that we had no choice but to 'siddon look'. This is a
heartbreaking reality that God is shaking His head at.

Run your own race, build your own

vision, create your own vision-tribe
& become a reference that commands
following then your own voice will shape the
narrative.
How do you reconcile the exit of a great man and the
revelation of a choking level of corruption bestowed
on our land? These two attributes- a great gentleman
and dripping corruption- seemed to be at parallel until
GEJ's government connected them.

And so when on the 28th/29th of March 2015, we

received news of the famous phone call by GEJ to PMB
conceding victory, I was overjoyed. I recall my wife
looked at me with suspecting eyes, hoping I wasn't
hysterical. I was very enthusiastic. Right now, I am very
vexed. The first experience we had was a 'body
language' experience where it seemed everything had
suddenly fallen into place even without moving a
finger. But that honeymoon has long faded.

Now, how do we reconcile a very clean-minded

president, who has a cult following of believers in his
principles and the almost comatose movement of the
nation bequeathed him?

I am just wondering, does incorruptibility equal

stagnation? And does corruption equal speed?

The pulse of the average Nigerian is that of patience

and perseverance. I think that has been widely
stretched already. I am praying that PMB and his own
lieutenants will show character by spending the next 3
years judiciously.

There is a likely correlation between economic stress

and domestic violence. There is also a correlation
between economic stress and personal hopelessness.
There is certainly a correlation between economic
stress and spiritual misadventure. Nigerians are not
against PMB's passion to deal with 'looters and
thieves'. All we are saying is, WHILE YOU DO THAT, GET
WORKING TO MAKE THE ECONOMY STAY AFLOAT.

Even in the face of global recession, other economies

are holding forth. Let our own not be an exception. I
may not be an economist, but I do know that Nigerians
have their own creative ways of making ends meet
when the government of Nigeria is careful enough to
give us some space to fly. Nigerians are not asking for
so much. We only want a climate that gives us
leverage. Do that, Mr. President.

Don't be mistaken; while it is obvious that God planted

you at this time for a purpose He is privy to, He holds
you responsible for the growth or failure of every
single family that is affected by your choices as
President. Vox populi (can be) vox Dei.
If there is a gift we deserve from you, PMB, it is a green
land. We, as a people, are enterprising enough. Don't
worry about giving everybody access to money. We
will find it ourselves. Just make the policies plausible
enough and see how we may be tempted to deify you
like we always do.

This is your chance, Sir. Take it!

To you, dear reader, I have a simple advice: run your

own race, build your own vision, create your own
vision-tribe & become a reference that commands
following then, your own voice will shape the narrative.
Ask your mentor how.

m a k t u b!!!
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