Vous êtes sur la page 1sur 30

The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1039 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 10 OCTOBER 2002 free

BAREFACTS Daphne Jackson Building opened by Under-Secretary of State for Science and Innovation

Lord Sain’bury opens ATI

This very paper
has been nominated
for “best campaign” category in the THE ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY Insti- By Richard Watts
Independent’s National Awards | page 3 tute was opened by Lord David Sainsbury of
Turville, the Parliamentary Under-Secretary which has already been
STUDENT of State for Science and Innovation, in a cer-
emony that was performed on Monday (7th
dubbed “the ice cube”
by students disapprov-
FINANCE SPECIAL October) morning. On opening the build- ing of its appearance,
A four page pull-out ing, Lord Sainsbury said ““I am delighted to is a high technology
making sense of the be opening the new Advanced Technology beacon for the Uni-
current financial Institute. This Institute, supported by the versity and brings
difficulties facing Government through the Joint Infrastruc- together six research
students and their ture Fund, will be an important centre for groups within UniS to
parents | page 15 research. By bringing together some of the stimulate cross-disci-
country’s leading scientists and engineers plinary research.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF... in one building I know you [UniS] will be The 3000m2 buliding
Rich Watts spends a day with the Vice- able to carry out world class collaborative cost £10m to build and
research in key areas of science and was funded jointly by
Chancellor | page 10
technology.” the University of Sur-
The formal opening was overseen by the rey and the Higher
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER high officials of the University and passed Education Funding Council for England scheme of Fellowships which stemmed the
without incident, except for an unfortunate (HEFCE); HEFCE’s Joint Innovation Fund waste of talented women who could not
spelling mistake on the commemorative will also provide for state of the art projects go into academia and helped to bridge the
NUS and Labour debate fees
plaque that read “Lord Sainbury” as op- and strategic research for future industry. gap between personal commitments and the
Mandy Telford responds to Labour’s posed to the more familiar Sainsbury so The building was designed by the emanant workplace.
party conference pledges with some fringe prevalent in supermarket-speak. architect Sir Nicholas Grimshaw and Part- Since her death in 1991, the Daphne Jack-
thoughts of her own News | page 2 The Advanced Technology Institute, ners, who were also the architects of the son Trust, which was established in her
Duke of Kent Building on the University memory, has continued her inspired work.
Is the library of UniS any good? campus which was opened in March 2000. In 2001, at the 10th Anniversary Sympo-
Susie Jenkins asks whether the lack of any The ATI building is named after Daphne sium, the Particle Physics and Astronomy
up-to-date materials is affecting the educa- Jackson, in honour of the first woman Research Council presented a portrait of
tion of UniS’ students Comment | page 6 Professor of Physics in the UK. Professor Professor Jackson to the Advanced Technol-
Daphne Jackson OBE served as Head of ogy Institute Building. Earlier this year the
Martin Grech: horribly talented the Department of Physics at UniS from Trust awarded its 100th Fellowship since its
An interview with the precocious musician 1971 until her untimely death from cancer inception.
and two reviews of his gig at the Union last in 1991. After the opening ceremony, Lord Sains-
Tuesday at LIVE barearts | page 23 Professor Jackson was a lifelong cam- bury then opened the Surrey Centre for Vi-
The opening ceremony party, including Lord Sainsbury in
paigner who encouraged women into engi- sion, Speech and Signal Processing over at
I’ll name that tune in seven the front row, standing on the steps of the new building neering and science. She devised a the Research Park.
You said you wanted it and so it returns to
tease and titilate: the lyrics quiz just keeps
on truckin’ interactive | page 25

£100 competition winner

Serial attacker worry in the South East
The winner of the Topman vouchers an- A PERSISTENT SERIAL rapist has struck By Richard Watts A 100-strong squad from four forces is co-
nounced and a brand new competition to at least nine times across the South-East in ordinating inquiries in Operation Orb and
win a Massive Attack dvd | page 23 the past 12 months, causing great concern according to police officers investigating the psychologists at the National Crime Faculty
for the safety of young and older women series of attacks. A DNA sample has been are helping to compile a profile of the man.
River-surfing on the Wey alike in and around the region. The man, recovered but it does not match profiles on In six assaults he has taken items of his
A brief look at the new water-sport craze to who is believed to be a convicted sex the national database. Officers believe he victim’s clothing and a mobile telephone,
take over the waves in Guildford: river- offender, is targeting mainly blonde victims has probably committed at least one sex perhaps as trophies, psychologists say. He
surfing in the summer Sport | page 32 and has been operating in the region since offence before records began to be collected appeared to have started on 15 November
last Novemeber. in 1995. They say the man told one victim: last year, dragging the 10-year-old from a
In all attacks, the women were seized “I don’t want to get caught again.” road after she left a youth club in Ashford,
from behind, usually in wooded areas or a Kent. She was stripped, punched, forced
park. The suspect is white, aged 30 to 50, INSIDE along a track and raped.
with tanned, leathery skin, short dark hair, The manhunt commander, Kent’s Assistant
between 5ft 5ins and 5ft 10ins and may A letter from the Chief Constable of Surrey Chief Constable, David Kelly, said: “This
possibly have a North-east accent. Police, Denis O’ Connor | page 3 man is dangerous and needs to be caught as
Police said the rapist was dangerous and soon as possible.”
violent, and warned women and girls about “How to not get attacked...” Advice from An e-mail has been circulating around the
going out alone. He has struck mostly in the Education & Welfare sabbatical of the university explaining details of the attacks, a
daylight and is “willing to take risks” Students’ Union, Toni Borneo | page 8 transcript of which is published on page 3.
2 NEWS 10 October 2002

ERASMUS scheme celebrates one Explosion in number of foreign

million students students studying abroad
LATER THIS MONTH, the European By Richard Watts By Richard Watts will benefit enormously from this expected
Commission DG Education and Culture growth in international demand. They
together with the students associations, to build up a Europe of knowledge and thus AN INTERNATIONAL REPORT published commented that the growth could be
the National Agencies and the academic provide a response to the major challenges last week highlighted an unprecedented attributed to streamlined visa applications
networks will celebrate the unique of this new century: to promote lifelong boom in foreign study over the next processes and improved arrangements for
achievement of a million Erasmus students. learning, encourage access to education few years that will benefit many British overseas students to work, but warned that
On Friday October 18th the “Erasmus week” for everybody, and help people acquire universities. Over the entire globe, demand institutions must look to take a responsible
will be launched all over the participating recognised qualifications and skills. In more will rise from some two million students two and proactive approach [to overseas
countries and celebrate the achievements of specific terms, Socrates seeks to promote years ago to around seven million by 2025. students’ recruitment] ensuring they have
the scheme during the last fifteen years. language learning, and to encourage mobility The total number of students will increase the capacity and resources required.
In 1987 the European Commission and innovation. It now contains eight from 97 million to 260 million in that time Expected to benefit the most from the
began supporting a mobility programme different actions. All of them are oriented to as well. Such figures will be welcomed by increase in foreign student numbers is
for European students named after the promote a European dimension of education universities in the United Kingdom as it will Britain and Australia, mainly because
cosmopolitan scholar Erasmus. Quickly the and to improve its quality by encouraging help them to meet the government’s agenda they are so welcoming to the international
programme became very popular amongst co-operation between the participating of an extra 50,000 foreigh students in three student. It is thought that both countries
the European students. Its core idea was countries. By promoting European student years time. could benefit indirectly from the tougher
to facilitate university students’ mobility mobility, Erasmus develops an increased UK Universities last year enrolled some criteria imposed for students wishing to
amongst European universities. Thanks awareness of European citizenship among 11% more foreign students last year and study in America following the terrorist
to the introduction of the new Europe- the university population. the British Council expects that institutions activities of a year ago.
wide programme, university students had The Erasmus programme, together with
increased opportunity to spend a study additional measures such as the European Car parking: occasional permits
period abroad at a partner higher education Credit Transfer System and the Diploma The new Occasional Permits (books of single use scratchcards) and 2-day permits are now
institution in another European country. In Supplement, has made European student available from the University Cashiers Office for issue to individual staff and students. Those
1987 the European Commission granted mobility a concrete and feasible reality who have already applied and are holding tokens or a temporary 2 day permit as a stopgag
funds for over 3000 students. The Erasmus for over a million pioneers. In 1987, only measure can therefore obtain the proper permits. There is no change to the procedure for
programme had been launched. eleven countries took part in the Erasmus new applications, which should be made through the University Security Office in the usual
Since 1987 many things have changed. The programme. Currently Erasmus students way.
Erasmus programme has been incorporated may move within 30 participating countries Buy back of tokens
under the SOCRATES umbrella. Socrates is and Erasmus students are contributing to In order to accelerate the withdrawal of tokens, from Monday 7th October until Friday 1st
Europe’s education programme and involves shaping a common European identity during November, the University Cashiers Office will buy them back from individual members of
30 European countries. Its main objective is this important time. staff and students at the rate of £2.00 per token. Ready cash and no questions asked. This
is regardless of the basis on which the tokens were obtained originally or the price (if any)
paid for them.
Television star helps Shelter launch
new student housing guide
NEW FIGURES RELEASED last week By Richard Watts
by the national housing charity Shelter
show how students are suffering from face, from finding a place to live to resolving
serious housing problems. Over 1,180 problems with landlords and leaving student
students went to Shelter for help with accommodation.
housing problems in the last year, ranging The actor said in support of the Guide: “I’m
from damp, poor quality housing which a big supporter of Shelter’s work to help
caused health problems through to disputes homeless and badly housed people and I
with landlords, threatened eviction and know that this book will really help students
homelessness. avoid having a housing nightmare. Make
sure you read it before you rent.”
Jonathan Chandler of the Association
of Student Residential Accommodation
(ASRA) said: “This book is a must-have for
anyone advising students on their housing.
We know from experience that students can
get a rough deal when it comes to housing,
especially in the private sector. Getting the
right advice and information can make all
the difference.”
Ben Jackson, Shelter’s Director of External
Affairs, said: “Students should not have to
put up with substandard homes, especially
when up to eight per cent of their student
loan is spent on rent.”
Shelter is a national campaigning
Andrew Lincoln, star of Teachers and This charity that every year works with over
Life, has joined forces with Shelter to launch 100,000 homeless or badly housed people
a new book to help students find quality through its network of over fifty advice
accommodation. Shelter’s Student Housing centres and innovative projects. For
Right’s Guide gives students and their more information regarding Shelter or the
advisers the information required to avoid Student Housing Rights Guide then visit
housing problems. It deals with all the www.shelter.org.uk.
housing issues that students are likely to
10 October 2002 NEWS 3
barefacts nominated in Independent’s National Student Media Awards
First ever nomination for Students’ Union’s very own weekly newspaper
BAREFACTS HAS BEEN nominated in By Richard Watts Bloomfield, last year’s “best student
the “best student campaign” category in reporter”, the importance of student
this year’s Independent Student Media modation lie” through to the actual rent journalism represented here cannot be
Awards - the annual celebration of protest itself (see picture, right). Within underestimated. “Good student journal-
newspapers and magazines at institu- the submitted articles was also a let- ists ensure students know what is going
tions throughout the United Kingdom. ter from Brian Barnard, an official of on on campus. The best ensure that stu-
It is the first time that this newspaper has the university, replying to many of the dents know everything the university do
ever received the accolade of a nominee claims made within previous articles. not want them to know.”
in the four year history of the awards Up against barefacts are three other Commenting on the nominations,
and highlights the improvements made campaigns, run by the Manchester Mandy Telford, the President of the Na-
to the newspaper since it moved to its Metropolitan, York and Sheffield Uni- tional Union of Students, re-iterated Mr
tabloid format some four years ago. versities. The most obvious contender Bloomfiled’s comments, adding “this
Tristan O’ Dwyer, the editor of for the award, to be presented at the year’s entries were of the highest stand-
barefacts last year, said: “To be nomi- Annual Awards Ceremony at Canary ard yet.”
nated is a great achievement. barefacts Wharf in November, is Manchester Nominated in other categories are
is one of only very few student publica- Metropolitan’s www.payuptony.com, a Palatinate from Durham, Cherwell
tions to be published weekly and so to well-known internet-based campaign from Oxford, YorkVision from York and
achieve something like this is great. It designed as a petition for those unhappy Leeds Student from Leeds Universities
also says a lot about the Uni$kint cam- with the current funding system for in the best newspaper category and
paign and how well it ran at the end of students. It is a popular sight amongst Smiths from Goldsmiths, Streaker from
last year.” students and has shown up many a time Luton, Impact from Nottingham and
The awards entry comprised of some in plenty of student’s e-mail inboxes Westworld from the West of England
ten articles covering thirteen issues of urging them to sign the petition. Universities in the best student maga-
barefacts, from an article by Reuben The competition attracted over 400 zine categories.
Thompson entitled “The great accom entries this year and according to Steve
www.payuptony.com | manchester metropolitan
a website popular on the e-mail circuit designed as a petition to show disgruntled student’s feelings
on the matters of tuition fees and the such-like - its aim “is to create a petition substantial enough for
the government and the general public to take note of the injustice suffered by thousands of students
and their parents.”

york vision | york university steel press | sheffield university

A transcript of the Chief

complaints levelled at the poor quality of the a campaign concentrating on the fair-coffee
service provided on campus for health care and trade, looking farther afield than just issues that
similar provisions affect the student population

Constable’s e-mail
The following is a copy of the e-mail circulating the university regarding the current safety
precautions being publicised.
Red RAG day: 10th October
THERE IS CURRENTLY a great deal of specific information about the offences as By Cathy Marshall round where a small portion of the profit
concern in the community in Surrey, and possible in order that they can take steps to will go to our charities. This is the first of
particularly amongst school-children, about ensure their own personal safety. SO WHAT EXACTLY is RAG then? RAG many wild and wacky events planned for
the series of stranger rapes that are now .At the same time Surrey County Council stands for Raising and Giving and is a the whole academic year, the highlight of
being investigated under Operation Orb. As will inform all of their schools and youth charity fundraising society run entirely by which will be the massive RAG WEEK held
a Force we recognise the need to address this clubs of what we are intending to do, so that students. This basically involves students in Week 3 next semester.
concern by giving personal safety advice to they are aware this is a genuine message roaming around the country collecting Our five chosen charities for this year are:
potential victims as well as reassuring them from police and understand why we are for various charities as well as organising Disability Challengers, NACC (National
of the rarity of these offences. doing it. more fun (and/or stupid) events here in Association for Colitis and Crohn’s),
This is already being done in a number We are also planning to inform the local Guildford. RNIB (Royal National Institute of the
of ways, including personal safety talks in media of what we are doing, once again so RAG is all about having Blind), Breakthrough
schools and other venues. However, we also that they are aware this is a genuine message as much fun as possible, (Breast Cancer charity)
wish to communicate directly to school- and so that they understand why we are which means that everyone and Duncan’s Fund. If
children in the secondary age range (11 to 18 taking this unusual step. who gets involved benefits. you want to know more
years old) using a medium that they are very I am grateful for your help at this worrying It’s a fantastic concept about the Charities we’re
familiar with, namely e-mail. We are very time. that enables students and supporting then keep your
aware of the potential for alarm, but feel Denis O’ Connor - Chief Constable of the members of the public to eyes posted to Barefacts
that we have a duty to give them as much Surrey Police. give something back to the as we will post regular
community. updates of the charities,
TODAY (Thursday 10th events and the amount of
POLICE ARE WORKING hard to catch a serial rapist who has now struck nine times, eight RAG DAY which means RAG can only survive if
of those over the past three months. His victims are women and girls aged between 10 and 52 that our ‘Raggies’ will be students get involved and
years old. In Surrey he has committed offences in Epsom, Redhill and the Woking area.> out and about campus collecting for our participate so if you’re interested in helping
The offender takes considerable risks, attacking his victims on well-used public footpaths or chosen charities. Absolutely EVERYONE us collect money and organise our events
common land adjacent to nearby wooded areas, mostly during daylight hours. > has to dress up in something red…red t- then please come along to a short meeting
Police are asking everyone to be vigilant and not put themselves in unnecessary danger shirt, red jumper, even red socks...it doesn’t on Thursday October 17th at 1.15 –2pm in
by walking alone in the type of locations that the rapist uses. The offender approaches his matter just please support us in our aim to the Grant Mitchell Room which is situated
victims from behind and has targeted cyclists as well as females wearing headphones. raise as much money as we can and really in the Student’s Union. RAG is a hands-on
The rapist is described as a white male, aged between 30 and 50 years old, with short dark kick start this year’s RAG!!!! Society so please get involved and help us
hair, of medium height with a muscular build and rough, tanned skin. To conclude this one-off day of fun make it one of the best Societies at USSU!
If you see anyone matching this description acting suspiciously, or threateningly towards Chancellors are giving their QUIZ NIGHT E-mail Cathy at
you, please contact police on telephone (01483) 571212 or e-mail 1034@surrey.police.uk a special RAG theme with a special RAG csmarshall4@hotmail.com for more info.
4 NEWS 10 October 2002

NUS President tells Labour Conference ‘top up fees would be disaster’

Response to Tony Blair’s “bold approach” critical of the governments commitment to their pledges of a year ago
MANDY TELFORD, NUS President, called By Richard Watts faced tough questions from students
on the government to be bold and to resist and lecturers on Education Maintenance
pressure to introduce top up fees at a fringe student finance, Professor Claire Callender Allowances and the consequences of the
meeting hosted by NUS at Labour Party from South Bank University, as well as government’s proposals for 14 to 19 year
conference. representatives from the lecturers’ unions, olds.
Influential figures in education policy AUT and NATFHE. In other developments, Tony Blair told
listened as Mandy warned that top-up The NUS President said: “Top up fees will a press conference in Blackpool that the
fees would be a disaster for students, lead to the ghettoisation of higher education government was searching for a way to
and would lead to those from the richest where the fortunate rich will be able to pick balance the cost of university between
backgrounds buying the best degrees. The and choose their courses, while the poor the student and the state. He said the
audience included Barry Sheerman MP, trade union representatives, senior advisers will be forced onto whatever courses they government is still pursuing the widening
Chair of the Education and Skills Select from the Treasury and No.10, and national can afford. We have seen in countries like participation agenda, but will not return to
Committee, Jane Davidson AM, Education journalists. Australia and the United States that top up the old grant system.
Minister for the Welsh Assembly, Wendy Ms Telford was joined on the panel by the fees have led to a students’ bank balance In response Ms Telford said: “Despite bold
Piatt, research fellow at the Institute of Minister for Higher Education, Margaret being given greater consideration than statements at last year’s Party Conference
Public Policy Research, as well as leading Hodge MP and leading academic on their academic ability when applying to on plans to review and improve student
university.” funding from both the Prime Minister and
Government minister, Margaret Hodge, the Chancellor, one year on we are still
Freshers’ food poisoning fears was taken to task over the impact of finance
on student participation and achievement
waiting for the findings of the review. NUS
welcomes the fact that the government has
by students in the audience. Whilst she recognised the current system is failing,
Young people, and this terms’ crop of new By Richard Watts conceded that financial reasons were an however it must now recognise that to widen
university students in particular – some obstacle preventing those from poorer participation it needs to support students
moving away from home for the first time Dirty hands are another major cause of food backgrounds entering higher education, she throughout their time at university.”
– could be putting themselves at risk of food poisoning. Some germs can stay alive on insisted that low expectations amongst those “Thousands of students face a daily battle
poisoning because of their lack of awareness hands for up to three hours, spreading to all from low income backgrounds also needed against student hardship, whilst thousands
of basic food hygiene knowledge. of the things that the host touches. Nearly to be tackled. The Minister said that ‘radical more just cannot afford to go to university.
According to a survey by the Food and one in three 15 to 24 year olds do not always proposals’ for higher education would We cannot have a situation where some of
Drink Federation, organisers of National wash their hands before preparing food and be announced in the next few months to the brightest people in this country do not
Food Safety Week, over half (61%) of more than one in ten do not always wash ensure that the government’s target of 50% have the chance to realise their full potential.
15 to 24 year olds do not always follow their hands after going to the toilet. participation by 2010 is met. To stop this happening the government
manufacturers’ instructions when preparing The director of Foodlink, an industry NUS also hosted its first ever fringe needs to follow the example of Scotland
food; one in four even admit to sometimes watchdog, Martin Patterson, said: “It is not meeting on further education. Ivan Lewis and Wales and bring back a grant to support
eating food past its use by date and when always easy moving away from home and MP, Minister for Young People and Learning these students.”
asked to name something that could cause having to cook, store and prepare food for
food poisoning, less than one in ten named yourself for the first time. Remembering
“undercooked food” as a possibility. a few basic, simple food hygiene skills
Eating undercooked poultry and rare such as using separate chopping boards for
minced products such as burgers and raw eats and vegetables or cooked foods,
sausages is a major cause of food poisoning washing your hands before preparing food
and in total it is estimated that there are up and knowing what temperature to keep your
to 4.5 million cases of food poisoning in the fridge at could mean the difference between
UK each year (figure quoted from the Food a fun first few weeks at university and ones
Standards Agency). where you’re sick and missing out.”
London Weekend Television,
The London Television Centre, Upper Ground, London, SE1 9LT
A brief guide to getting served quickly
TIPS FROM YOUR friendly bar staff and 8. Don’t: 1. Wave money | 2. Tap the bar
Bars & Catering manager for ensuring
prompt service at the bars of the Union:
| 3. Shout “yes please!” (This is met with:
1.Removal of money to general funds | 2.
Tapping of shoulder and repositioning in the
1. Smile your best smile to the staff. (This
does not mean they have to return it, but the
best will!)
queue | 3. “With you in a minute.” (By OUR
9. Don’t ask for what you can’t see.
2. Don’t Smoke. (C’mon, be fair: we 10.Compliment the guys who look after you
don’t get a ciggy break for at least half an in more ways than booze. (They do a great London Weekend Television is making a brand new show, about sex and is
hour!!!) job and they do it for us all.)
3. Offer to buy them a drink. (Bribery looking for fun, chatty couples, of all ages to take part. This is going to be
sounds uncouth.) Finally, a bit about us: offend a member of Britain’s biggest sex survey!
4. Play nicely with the other kiddies. staff, and you WILL get removed.
(Pushers in will be spotted, and you can spot (Smile, you’re on Candid Camara!). We
them too, they tend to be left till there is no- accept no responsibility for you’re property Do you want to spice up your sex life, learn new techniques, or just put the
one else to serve and the staff take pity.) lost or damaged. (We used to, but now we romance back into your relationship?
5. Know what you want. (We used to serve don’t.) Your credit is good.* (*As long as it
indecisive people, but now we’re not so comes directly from your pocket in the form
sure.) of HARD CASH). Miserable people will be OR
6. Don’t pay with a fifty pound note. smiled at. (No exceptions.) Parties Allowed.
(You can’t any way, and the other less (Only if we get invited.) Karaoke may be
endowed customers will hoo you out of the used. (If you don’t behave.) Time at the bar. Would you like to witness the event LIVE in the studio, by being a member
establishment.) MEANS Time at the bar. (Just because you
of the audience?
7. Say Please and Thank you. (We may be daft enough to ask after the bar has
remember those who forget and we control closed, don’t make it right.)
the queue.) To find out more call us NOW on 0207 578 2312 or e-mail studioprogramme@lwt.co.uk
10 October 2002 COMMENT 5
Grade deflation, soft standards and the perpetual education treadmill
HANDS UP IF you’ve ever owned a This is fine, its perfectly lets make sure only one least we’ll being ‘inclusive’.
hamster? Well, even if you haven’t, the reasonable to expect you in 20 people fail their a- I could continue, but the point is that
basic concept should at least be familiar: to pay back a loan after levels. Hang on though, not A-levels are no longer a good way of
Purchase furry rodent, place in shoebox graduation that is effectively too much more than that, assessing a person’s ability. Widening
size cage with some dried food and a interest free, I have no best start moving the goal the availability of education is a very
large wheel in the corner. Many years problem with that. posts for some subjects or important thing, but the principle has
of classes, lectures and tutorials may Actually, we’ll also need to the government will look become lost behind a bar chart of
have made you oblivious to your true charge you for each year you bad. Lets “deflate” the government statistics and targets. We
surroundings; spinning in the wheel, do spend studying, say about grade boundaries for these would all like to see more people having
you not see the saw dust on the floor, the £1000 a year, we’ll call it
PAUL CANNING subjects where too many the opportunity to gain a degree that will
feed tray in the corner and the vertical “tuition fees”, and we’ll people are passing. set them up well for life. This does not
metal bars all around you? You see, you base it on how well off your Many years of classes, Even the Prime ministers however include things like studying
are the hamster, on the treadmill that parents are. lectures and tutorials may son is a potential victim of puppetry and surf science. Becoming
is the British education system. Some This of course, despite have made you oblivious the fun and games over the qualified craftsmen, like a plumber or
time ago, education was about learning, the fact that at 18 you are to your surroundings summer that has left many electrician is far more beneficial for
communicating ideas and expanding independent of your parents candidates without the place everyone than having so many media
your mind. Today, its all about statistics, in every other way you can think of. You they were working towards. Random studies graduates that 10% of them end
government targets and most of all can get married, vote, drive, and go to ‘unclassified’ marks for coursework that up in so called “McJobs” (working in a
money. prison even, but are still tethered by their had seemed fine or a much lower grade fast food restaurant or similar) after six
For a good while, governments have income, apparently. on a paper than had been expected – that months of graduation.
been trying to increase the number of We will also need some more places for is about the current situation, I think. I What I would like to see is something like
people in higher education. Today, the all these students, so lets give all the imagine this is quite galling if you were the American system, where everyone
target stands at 50% of all 18-30 yr. olds: polytechnics university status. We can depending on that to do your preferred sits a general entrance exam that tests his
an admirable, worthwhile and important also draw up league tables to see which subject at the University of your Choice. or her general competence, rather than
aim. ones are doing best. It can be like a The system can’t be seen as elitist, so how good they are at sitting an exam.
Hang on though, we can’t afford to fund free market economy; the ones that are lets set “quotas” for the number of state Maybe then education will cease to be
that using the current system, so instead failing to attract enough people can go to pupils at the top universities, this will a political springboard for ambitious
of grants, we will loan you the money, the wall, or start laying people off. mean that some candidates are accepted ministers with their own hidden agendas
and you can pay it back gradually once In order to let more people in, we also with much lower grades simply based on and start being a way of improving
you start earning. need to make the exams a bit easier, so the name of the school they attend, but at everyone’s long term future.

The internal terror

AND SO AMERICA faces a new freedom for all is not the same as
threat. As of Monday, there were freedom for the majority.
6 confirmed linked shootings in Thus we arrive at Iraq and a nation
Maryland, Washington DC and one oppressed by its leader. This time,
shooting whose link is unconfirmed the majority cannot speak out for
- a boy, shot on Monday outside a the few, as they need someone to
school. Thus the toll stands at 5 dead, speak out for them too. So do we sit
2 injured. But just before we wag a idly by? It’s not our place, not our
telling finger towards the States and problem. Saddam Hussein brutally
extol the virtues of anti-gun laws,
PHILIP HOWARD killed so many of his own people
would we be justified in doing so? a long time ago. Why should we
These shootings were carried out The darker side of democ- interfere? We’re happy in our own
Do you want there to be somebody who
with extreme precision using long- racy is when the minori- little world here. We’ve fought will always listen?
range weapons. Surely if someone ties do not matter to the wars and we don’t like them. But
wanted to do the same in this country majority why did we fight the Second World Do you want to help others?
there’s enough of a black market for War? We’d already fought the first,
them to be obtainable. We managed with its many atrocities. We fought
to prove for ourselves that we are it because we considered it worth
Do you want to get accreditation for doing
Yet if minorities are what make
not so safe from gun crime as we up our society, surely they are fighting. Because the people we something worthwile through the DAVE
may think when the police found worth protecting? Democracy and were fighting for were important project?
an extensive arsenal in the home of the mass market both cater to the enough to us to act. If we are not as
a man caught daubing graffiti on a majority. As it happens, the majority secure in our society as we would Could you give up a night every now and
wall. He wasn’t caught because the in the UK and the US are willing like to think, consider then what
police had traced weapons to him, will happen if we leave Saddam
to stand up for the minorities, so
nor because anyone knew he was a the government must support them. Hussein to develop weapons of
white supremacist. How close were But the darker side of democracy is mass destruction. Are you looking Nightline offers information and a
we, then, to our own gun crime when the minorities don’t matter to forward to an increasing external listening service as well as a drop in
tragedy? the majority of the people. And then threat to add to our increasing center to this uni during the times where
So it begins. Find me a person in the voice of the many sounds out the internal one? Or should we perhaps
this society who is content with it. consider a little backbone. Just as
everything else is closed. BUT we can only
voice of the few. As the famous poem
No one? We all have an agenda, a goes ‘and when they came for me, our police put themselves at risk to function with enough volunteers.
raison d’être. We have a strong group there was no one left to speak out for keep us safe, shouldn’t we consider
of rural affairs campaigners, a large putting ourselves at risk to help those
group of animal rights protestors, a
me’. America has recently begun to
threatened by Saddam Hussein? We
If you are interested in becoming
understand what it is like when they
growing band of gay rights activists. come for you. And it is beginning are not so far from America as you a “Nightliner” please e-mail us at
And what are these groups? They are
minorities. All in all, we are each one
to understand that minorities must may think, and when the time comes
we should surely be right along side
be fought for, that even the smallest
of us in a minority of one. is as important as the greatest, and them.
6 COMMENT 10 October 2002



Students should take note of safety issues

The news covered on the front page only affects women - that assumption
regarding a man attacking women around couldn’t be more wrong. Men need to make
the South Eastern region highlights once sure they are doing what they can to avoid
again the importance of personal safety vulnerability too: always walk with a friend
around campus and in town. The assumption or two, try not to walk in the dark unless it
that something like that could “never happen is absolutely necessary and, perhaps most
to me” is one may lead to very unfortunate importantly, do not go around thinking “it
circumstances and it is the responsibility of could never be me.”
everyone to ensure that all of their friends, Tony Watling, the Head of Security, and the
and even those they do not necessarily rest of his team do a very good job around
know, can walk home in safety. campus: there have been very very few
Warnings are sometimes ignored, which is incidents on campus over the last many
easily done given the number of talks and years; Guildford is also a safe place to live,
the such-like aimed at issues such as these. give or take one or two serious incidents,
Recent events, however, soon place a focus and the letter of the Chief Constable shows
on safety and it might be worth digging out that they will do all that they can to ensure
that old “safety guide” just to run through a citizens’ safety. All that can be asked is that
couple of things. we all do our bit to avoid becoming victims
It is often assumed that this sort of thing and catching whoever is responsible.

Well done to us for getting nominated for

the National Student Media Awards!
Of course, we should probably reserve a awards comes as recognition - a nod in the
congratulatory paragraph or two on this un- direction of appreciation and effort and if
til the results are announced on November we looked at it objectively, then you can
16th at the awards ceremony, but it is not
every day you are nominated for a National
say that the campaign (if not the original
outcome) really was very good. It covered Is the University Library’s lack
Student Media Award, so we will make the some thirteen weeks; it prompted response
most of it whilst we can.
The news that barefacts was a nominee in
from university officials high up in the chain
of command; it reached a tremendous pinna-
of up-to-date material affecting
our education?
the “best campaign” category came some- cle with the coverage of the protest and the
what of a surprise, mainly because it was felt NUS’ National President Mandy Telford’s
barefacts was not good enough to compete appearance and, most importantly, it always
with some of the other students newspapers kept the student public informed of what AS A STUDENT, you may well material. It is so common
around the country: a lack of media and was going on. If those were the criteria for be wondering exactly where SUSIE JENKINS to spend several hours
English courses, a notorious lack of interest the judges, then it wil be interesting to see your tuition fees go? On visiting searching for a specific piece
from students wanting to write and com- the outcome on the night: www.payuptony the library, you are likely to There is often only of information in every book
puters that have a tendancy to crash quite has a very good chance, but we can not discover fairly quickly that one answer: purchase that could possibly be related
spectacularly all previously contributing to count ourselves out. it is not one of the recipients to the topic and not get
one weekly newspaper whose “behind the So congratulations to last year’s editor extortionately priced
of the money. The University anywhere. Not only is this
scenes” was probably a lot more interesting Tristan O’ Dwyer and all those that helped spending of tuition fees is a textbooks incredibly annoying but it
that then news it actually covered. him achieve this nomination; watch this topic to which many students means more time wasted for
But the nomination for the Independent’s space for details of the awards ceremony. have a very strongly worded answer. As a the librarians having to put back piles
biochemistry student, I can only really speak of reference books that students leave
Spelling mistakes can happen... for my own department. The lack of up to
date text books in our section is appalling,
scattered around the library. It would
also provide funds for new books.
and poses serious problems to students • Students are recommended to buy
Quite whether it deserved the headline it received we are not sure, but the news that the
who cannot afford to buy textbooks from only the textbooks that are essential
plaque unveiled by Lord Sainsbury of Turville at the grand opening of the Advanced
the university book shop (see the letter to (it is commonplace for lecturers to
Technology Institute had a spelling mistake was of great relief to us here at barefacts. Of
the editor in barefacts edition 1037). Any recommend purchasing “reference”
course, the odd spelling mistake is always going to slip in here and there as we type away
student studying very new principles (as is textbooks. These are books you may
late into the Tuesday evenings and it will be a long time before any newspaper has an error-
often the case in any scientific subject) will like to refer to if you want to do
free edition, but barefacts especially has always been known for really quite silly mistakes.
find it almost impossible to find relevant some extra reading, but are often non-
There was the case last year when the deputy editor spelt both his position and his name
material in the library and will have to rely essential). This would save students
wrong on the front page and, in amongst all of the entries for the campaign mentioned
on out of date material from textbooks that time and money.
above, almost every possible spelling of accommodation was included (acommodation,
are often more than five years old. There • Introduce a scheme in which students
accomodation, acomodation etc.). It has often been a great source of amusement in lectures,
is often only one answer to this problem: pay a small fee to “rent” books from
in fact, for people to pick out the spelling mistakes. All that can be said is “we try” and if the
purchase extortionately priced material from the library. This would provide funds to
odd spelling mistake slips through, then we can always remind ourselves that the University
the university bookshop. buy new textbooks.
made a much bigger boo-boo!
I have been offered various suggestions as Whether any of these suggestions are
to how the situation could be improved: feasible is not for me to say but this is
• The university could sell off books that definitely a serious issue that the university

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK are more than a certain age (decided by should be striving to do something
the appropriate school or department) constructive about and one that I am sure
“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” so as to avoid students wasting time barefacts would be happy to publish any
GRACIE ALLEN (1906 - 1964), ACTRESS searching through old and irrelevant appropriate response about.
10 October 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 7
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may
be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Why do students find it necessary to litter all over campus?

“Littering just gives a bad reputation to the university and the students in general”
Dear barefacts,

On Friday the 4th of October I left the Union, after packing I came up with the following theories, available surface but that is no reason to add to it. It just
down the Steve Lamacq gig, and ambled towards my house 1. UniS staff had already cleaned up campus of the flyers gives a bad local reputation to the university and to students
in Park Barn. Just after I crossed the road by the Sports Hall and (obviously) their remit only extends to the campus in general. If you get given a flyer (at the Union or wherever)
I noticed lots of CAGL (Cigars and Good Living) flyers boundary, but left Coke Cans and Crisp Packets in situe - I and you don’t want it, please put it in a bin - It is not as if
on the ground and as I continued down towards Southway find this unlikely campus is short of bins.
there were lots more, just strewn about on the floor. I had 2. UniS student’s care so greatly for their campus they didn’t ...and a quick message to those who dropped the leaflets on
noticed these flyers being handed out at the FNO along with want to litter it and waited until they were off campus before Friday night:
Sparkle ones as well - but oddly there were none of these in ditching the unwanted flyers, rather than drop them on the You are quite clearly scum who show no regard for the
the mess. floor or put them in one of the many bins they would pass environment around you. Why did you do it? To see the
The following day, on my way back to the Union I started on that route (There is even a bin where the path forks for leaflets flutter to the ground in amusing ways? You were
counting the flyers (to make the walk less dull) and from Tesco or Southway, just after the littering begins) - I find this drunk and it seemed a good idea at the time? or is it because
the Southway Chippy to the Campus boundary I counted 96 unlikely as well you don’t give a s*** about your fellow students and your
flyers - and that is not a very long distance. What, however, 3. The people employed do hand out the flyers had some left university? GROW UP!
I found more odd was the fact that as I crossed campus, en over and just dumped them on the way home - probably not
route to the union, I only saw 5 more flyers on the ground the case Thank you
(Except for immediately outside the Union, which is sort of 4. Some people are just littering scum - Most likely
understandable) and this got me wondering - why the lack Admittedly, that route is not the prettiest in Guildford and it NICK ‘OSCAR’ HOLDER
on campus? is already littered with ‘Pop Ya Cherry’ stickers over every UNION CLUB LIFE MEMBER & STAGE CREW ASSOCIATE MEMBER

Parking woes re-visited A couple of issues from a couple of

barefacts’ readers
Dear barefacts,
Dear Editor, Dear barefacts,
In response to last week’s letter on parking, hoots, they’re more worried about making
I have to agree with most points raised. The it through the morning to coffee break. I myself am a final year economics student People who work in the food courts,
provisions for parking at this university are Why should those of us who’ve paid our and have never complained about the especially those making sandwiches around
disgraceful, and an alternative definitely has £130 be left without a space because some Union’s entertainment. However after what lunchtime - wear some bloomin’ hygiene
to be looked at. However, the students and inconsiderate cheapskate decides that they I have experienced this year I feel it is my gloves please!! Your dirty, dirty hands
staff who use the car parks could minimise don’t have to pay? The bottom line is duty to make a comment. On a pure cost pressing all over my sandwich as you made
the frustration on those mornings where there everyone knows that the university don’t basis is it worthwhile the Union paying it caused me to strangely lose my appetite.
isn’t a space by PARKING CORRECTLY. care about those of us who have to live at both Whigfield and Steve Lamacq for
How many times in the various car parks home and drive in, so why don’t we make it playing/mixing four tracks? On a cost basis I’m sure the university might have a
do you see cars parked between 2 spaces? easier on ourselves by parking properly, and I would be interested on the Union Machine bit of spare glove cash lying around
I believe that if someone can’t put their those of you who are coming onto campus response? As a sideline can I request a more somewhere.....
car in between two lines, they shouldn’t be and leaving your cars here without a valid useful use of resources would be the return
driving and should have their cars clamped. permit, you deserve whatever you get. of the Wednesday cover acts? Cheers,
Also, several cars park on campus without
a permit or with an expired permit, and get Signed, Yours TIM DAVIS
away with it! I’ve tried informing security
of such cars when I see them, but they don’t AN EQUALLY ANNOYED SECOND YEAR STUDENT MR JAMIE R STACEY If you have a gripe, then send in a letter:
give two NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED barefacts@ussu.co.uk

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against

published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Communications Office.
this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual
2002 - 2003 authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the
newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment,
intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about
Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the
University of Surrey.
editor in chief | richard watts This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part,
If you remain dissatisfied please contact the
Press Complaints Commission - an independant
stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express
organisation established to uphold an editorial Code
permission of the publisher beforehand.
of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide
editor | position vacant position vacant | art editor All submissions must include the author’s name and Union
by their decision.
or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
deputy editor | position vacant position vacant | sports editor
news editor | position vacant position vacant | lifestyle editor Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Press Complaints Commission
music editor | alex read + simon robinson position vacant | features editor 1 Salisbury Square
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB
film editor | stewart fudge + jolyon hunter chris hunter + mike chang | photography Telephone: 020 7353 1248
theatre editor | sara li + rachael bemrose position vacant | literature editor barefacts@ussu.co.uk Facsimile: 020 7353 8351

If you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea
editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | in the media centre | e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000
8 UNION 10 October 2002

How NOT to get attacked

in the Tesco underpass
Hello everyone – sorry for came back here and I was
M oney
my absence the last couple of working blissfully in peace
weeks. A bout of exhaustion during the summer, some one
during freshers week and a said to me that the safe return
truly hectic week to follow home of all the students is An important question to consider: should I take out insurance? This is something that
rendered me a tad unreliable. my responsibility, and it’s my only you can really decide, but here are some pointers to help you. First of all, you may
I was going to talk about fault if some one gets raped or think that you do not own anything of any real value, but...
JobShop this week, but a bit of TONI BORNEO beaten up.
bad news has caused me to put
Well, I beg to differ. It’s up • do you have a computer?
this off.
to me to tell you the danger • do you own a music centre?
Mr Tony Watling from Security has just spots, how to protect yourselves, what to • would you like to replace your cd collection from your student loan?
informed me that a student was attacked in do in a crisis (generally, call security) and to • would you replace all of those expensive text books if they went missing?
the Tesco Underpass at 10pm on Saturday stick together. But you have to take control • do you value your clothes or are you happy to walk around naked?
just gone. That’s 10pm. It’s not that late, and of your wellbeing too. It’s kind of fun to
it wasn’t a girl. I don’t tell you not to walk throw caution to the wind and walk home on There are lots of deals around and you need to find the best one for you...
through there alone for fun. I mean it when a dangerous, dark night. But it’s definitely
I say that guys are as much at risk as girls. not fun when it all goes wrong and you have ...you may find that your parents’ insurance covers you for personal possessions – check
Even if you just get a knife branded about to call the police to come and get you. This with them before you spend money unnecessarily. A student recently lost possessions
without actually being harmed, you don’t may seem like a shock tactic, but I’d rather valued at over £1000 as a result of a burglary and, because she wasn’t insured, had to
know that person won’t use it. You don’t this article scared you than some stranger replace everything out of her own pocket.
know what the person is going to do next. with a weapon of his choice. If you do nothing else, at least think about this – don’t forget, the Student Advice &
If you don’t get damaged physically, you’ll PS – rape alarms £1 from USSU reception Information Service is your first stop for all kinds of advice and information, including
certainly be in a state of shock for a while. or security (and especially) financial issues.
So what’s the answer? Before you all PPS – get a bus, or walk together Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court
t: [68]9261 | e: student-advice@surrey.ac.uk

V-opportunities update What Can I do?

A look at what the world of V There are 3 main types of volunteering that you can do
words by
has been up to (1) Internal – If you are part of GU2, Barefacts, Stage Crew & Nightline – then you
can instantly become part of V.
Hi everyone, Alli Cummings V Co-Ordinator here. Just thought I would tell you a little
bit about what has been happening in the world of V recently. For those of you who are
wondering what V is, well it is the new University and Student Union Volunteering Scheme
and I’ll just give you a quick reminder of what you can do and the benefits of becoming part
of V.
So why should you get involved? (2) Community - Make a difference in and around surrey by volunteering at disabled
riding schools, day centers for the elderly, workshops for children, environmental
• Union ‘V’ Certificate of Volunteering projects over 20 V opportunities to choose from
• Great CV experience
• Have fun & meet new people
• Award Ceremony at the end of the year (3) The ‘A’ Team – Come and help run a one off event or project.
• Lots More – the list is endless

Whatever you fancy doing, we have something for you and if we don’t then come and tell us
and we can work together to develop another V opportunity,
Anyway, I said I would tell you what has been happening recently, well Freshers Fayre was
a resounding success with over 100 students signing up their interest in V. Then on the 3rd Arabic Society 10th October 6pm LT J
of October I ran a V Exhibition, which was a chance for students and staff to meet a few of
the organisations who are desperate for volunteers. It was a great day and stalls set up by the Chinese-Asian 10th October 6pm LT H
likes of Mencap, Royal Surrey County Hospital, Guildford Action, Cranleigh Riding Club
Association, Scouts and Surrey Care Trust helped to promote V to students and staff and we Conservative Society 10th October 7pm LT K
managed to sign up over 60 people who recognized the benefits of joining V.
So with those two big events over what is next for V? Well as I’ve been and spoken to the Cyprus Society 11th October 6pm LT G
internal V members, promoted the community opportunities, my next step is to focus on
the ‘A’ Team. Our first major one off event is going to be “Battle of the Bands” which Hellenic Society 15th October 6pm LT F
is where bands from local schools are going to compete against each other at the university
to win a fantastic prize. Then to tie in with the music theme we are going to hold a “Music Indian Society 15th October 6.30pm LT L
Instrument Amnesty” event which is where we collect unwanted musical instruments from
the Guildford area which will be given to local schools. So please come and be part of the ‘A’ Photography Society 17th October 6pm TB 1
Team because we need as much help as possible to make sure these events are a success.
Fancy getting involved? If you would like to help with Battle of the Bands, Music Amnesty African Caribbean Society 17th October 6.15pm LT A
or any other V opportunity , then simply pop into the student union and come and see me.
Pakistan Student Association 23rd October 7pm Venue tbc

Culture & Events Committee AGM 14th October 5pm GMR

Societies Standing Committee 21st October 6pm LT B

10 October 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 9

Jobs are sometimes a case This weeks careers & skills talks
of pick ‘n’ mix LOOKING GOOD ON PAPER
One showing only of the video on application
forms, CVs and letters. A Careers Adviser will
A government backed scheme facilitating
If you’ve got to the stage of more positive response. You be present to discuss any points you may wish the transfer of knowledge and expertise of
knowing roughly the kind of could also, by then, begin to to raise. UK universities directly to UK companies.
work you would like to do, the use current vacancy lists such Graduates in all disciplines are jointly recruited
next logical step is to choose as the Immediate Vacancies HOW TO APPLY FOR A JOB* and supported by the universities and the
the employers you’d like to Bulletin which we produce in WEDNESDAY 16 OCTOBER 2pm | LT B companies.
apply to. the Careers Service. This is a repeat for those unable to attend the
At this time of year, the best If the list of employers you workshop on 9 October. ARMY INTERVIEWS
way to do this is to check the eventually arrive at is too long, TUESDAY 15 OCTOBER
Vacancy Bulletins which you it may be necessary to narrow VENUE – CAREERS SERVICE
can find on the table just as
DR RUSS CLARK down your choice through some
Please make an appointment in Careers.
you come into the Careers further research. The brochures Information for graduates from any discipline
Service. These summarise the The competition for which many employers produce on careers as a Chartered Management ROYAL NAVY*
most recent information we “household names” is are a good place to start and we Accountant. THURSDAY 17 OCTOBER 6.15pm | LT M
Opportunities for all disciplines particularly
have received from employers always intense have reference copies of many
about the graduates they will of these in the Careers Service.
need next year. You can then Finally, I invariably see CAREERS FAIR
be confident that if you make an application students every year who have failed to get
there will be a real vacancy at the end of it. By job offers because they have only applied THURSDAY 10 OCTOBER | AUSTIN PEARCE BUILDING | 4PM
the way, you can also see this information on to employers who are “household names”.
the web at www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/misweb/ The competition for these is intense. By all *Please register with Careers by email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or in person.
careers/home.htm. For your convenience, means include them in your list, but consider Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
we also provide links to their websites whether it would also be in your interests to
wherever possible. first research and then apply to a few you’ve
Most of the employers notifying us about never heard of. They often have some great
vacancies at this time of year tend to be large jobs on offer for which they simply don’t get
organisations. It’s a bit early to apply to smaller enough applicants.
employers since they tend to work on a shorter

time-scale. A mail-shot which included your PS Don’t forget to come along to the Careers
CV and a covering letter around March or Fair today (Thursday) 10 October at 4 – 7 pm
April next year would probably receive a in the Austin Pearce Building.

By Stew Fudge
after you graduate. Also it provides you

with a timely break from academia and
recharges your batteries for your final year.
I wish I knew all this before I started my Former President
placement. I have a really good supervisor,
but the work just isn’t there for me to do. of the Students’
The only work available for me is, in
S EAK my opinion, completely irrelevant to my
degree. So I don’t look forward to going
to work every morning at all. I have to
go to bed early (annoying) while my
housemates (lucky buggers with flexi-time 1994-1995
stay up late), then get up at 5.45a-bloody-
Placements eh? Funny things those. I m, in order to catch my train to Reading at
mean for me, they were part of the reason 6.53am. I work from 8-4 and normally get
why I chose to come to Surrey in the first home at around 5.15pm. By the time I’ve
place. I mean, I came to Surrey because of chilled out, been for a quick run and cooked
it’s high graduate employment rate and one dinner it’s time for bed again!! So my weeks I was told two things before I started as I was able to work in a professional
of the main contributors to this is the fact were very depressing. Fortunately I stayed University: “University is a fountain of environment and apply my language and
that it’s students have a year’s experience in Guildford with some fantastic housemates knowledge where you will learn to drink” legal knowledge while working alongside
in industry. For the most part, looking and some great friends who were still and “The only useful thing about University more experienced professionals.
for a job is what I call a “chicken and the around. So once I got home from work on is that you will find your future wife there”. The experience gained at Surrey and
egg” situation; employers want to employ the Friday I made the most of my weekend In my case both of those observations especially the time in the Students’ Union
people with experience but if you have no by getting lashed at the union, waking up on proved to be absolutely true but along the means that I can now help others at my firm
experience, how do you go about getting Saturday to find Ben puking in the toilet, way I gained much more. - in particular junior colleagues for whom I
it if no-one wants to employ an “industrial Nikki about to head off to golf and Rich The boring details are that I studied French act as a mentor. I would recommend that if
virgin”? Anyway, I’m straying from the watching crappy Pokemon. A day of retail and Law; spent a year as President of the you are on placement then identify a mentor
point, for that you have my apologies. therapy and time spent with my girlfriend Union, completed the Legal Practice Course and try and keep in touch with that person
Initially I thought that going on placement (for the few months she was in the country at the College of Law, qualified as a solicitor during your final year. Your tutors will
was all about getting a bit of money in your – thanks LIS), maybe a pizza and a video in in 1998, and am now a Senior Solicitor in ensure that you stay on track in terms of
pocket and gaining a bit of experience, the evening, then Sunday was reserved for the Corporate Department of a large law your academic studies but an outside mentor
but it is so much more than that. When Ultimate Frisbee and food shopping. So firm based in Portsmouth. may help provide more specific careers
applying for a placement year, you should my advice to the first and second years is I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do advice.
do your utmost to get a placement from a to take your placements seriously, they are after I’d graduated and the reason I chose Remember you are not the first person
company you really would like to work for what you make of them…and try Ultimate Surrey was because of the opportunities who has had to face difficult career choices
after university. Consequently you will gain Frisbee out; some of my most memorable provided by the placement periods. I have and the advice of others who have trodden
useful experience and it will be made clear if times at uni have been with the Ultimate found the skills and knowledge gained the same path may prove to be of some
you really want to work for that company Frisbee crew. during my placement in Brussels invaluable benefit.
10 A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE VC 10 October 2002

A day in the life of... the Vice Chancellor Professor Patrick Dowling
evidently has not time for those who do are points that lie beyond that which he
not communicate with him. It is a simple contributes to. Again, a surprising char-
proviso that is so effective it is difficult to acteristic, given that you would assume
think of Professor Dowling as anyone other someone in that position would try to stamp
than the VC; if truth be told, setting family some sort of authority during such courses,
aside, I feel he probably feels he is only the but his tremendous skills, and indeed the
VC, because his commitment to the job, surprising informality of the occasion, al-
working sixteen, seventeen hour days and lows everything to be discussed freely and
always entertaining at home means that he without pretense.
is always right where he needs to be and The journey back to Guildford, in time for
that, as he admits, the University of Surrey, a meeting regarding Manor Park, is spent
both in Guildford and Roehampton, are ensuring plans for the evening’s meal, to be
where his concerns lie. taken at the VC’s house and involving the
Roehampton, as it happens, is the first President of the Royal Society, Lord May,
point on the ageda for the day: as Chief Ex- and other distinguished guests. Time be-
ecutive of the Federal University of Surrey, tween appointments is important, he says,
the VC makes many a trip down the A3, in because it allows him to catch up on things
the lovely car, to the Roehampton campus on the hop to the next point on the
to meet up with the Rector Dr Bernadette
Porter and sit on the various committees
that his duty requires.
We arrive at Roehampton just in the nick
of time (thanks to John Davies the driver)
for the Federal Strategic Planning Com-
mittee and are greeted by Dr Porter. There
is a briefing session, in which she outlines
the details of this particular meeting’s items
and a general time to catch-up - Dr Porter
and the VC are obviously very good friends
- and it is in to the meeting.
Surrounded by some twenty or so, the VC
takes his place alongside Dr Porter at the
head of the table and, interestingly enough,
allows proceedings to continue without too
much input. This is not because of a lack
barefacts is very priveleged to bring you day with the VC (as I had decided to call
of interest, but instead simply because there
this feature: a day in the life of the Vice- him), as well as being daunting, could actu-
Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling. ally be a lot of fun.
Having asked whether it would be possible Making the journey to the top floor, where
to spend a day with the VC, the Vice- Professor Dowling’s office is situated, was Advertising Feature
Chancellor’s office, and indeed the man my final chance of excusing myself, but as I
himself, agreed to let Richard Watts, the found myself approaching the rich dark-
Communications & Marketing sabbatical
of the Students’ Union, shadow the VC in
wooded door of his office and then sud-
denly sitting down going through the day’s
An evening with Germaine Greer
a no-holds-barred, all inclusive day that
would entail a trip to University of Surrey
schedule with the bright-eyed, unfeasiby
awake VC, my qualms were soon settled.
Sunday 20 October 2002
Roehanpton, a lecture with the President “The first thing I do when I get in, except
of the Royal Society Lord May and dinner for switching on the computer, is check the
at Blackwell House - the VC’s personal schedule” says Professor Dowling, handing
residence. me a sheet of paper that looks to be quite
Thanks are due to Mrs Anne Roberts, Mrs a day. Of course, this is not strictly true,
Liz Morgan-Lewis and Ms Fiona Wareham given that he arrives so early that he in fact
for their help in organising the day, all those opens the doors of Senate House himself,
that were involved during the time with but this is a first glimpse of the hands-on
the Vice Chancellor and indeed Professor approach I am offered by the VC during my
Dowling himself for allowing barefacts the time with him.
opportunity to sneak a glimpse of what it is Skimming over the schedule and outlining This is an event which allows the audience to ask all those burning questions
really like to be the VC. each point of entry soon turns into a discus-
sion concerning the developments of Manor
they have been longing to throw at Professor Greer: serious or light-
Park; since the VC arrived at the University hearted, from politics to poetry, the role of women in third-word countries,
The day started very early: a wake-up call of Surrey in 1994, one of his main priorities to Shakespeare’s women, or sex and the over sixties. This encounter with
at 6.30am informing me that it was time to has been developing Surrey such that it is Germaine Greer is likely to be candid, pithy and enlightening, crammed
get up and face the rather daunting pros- the world calss institution it is indeed today, with polemics and highly entertaining.
pect of a day with the Vice Chancellor. I and his commitment to this cause is not
had been informed that the VC, whom I only academic, but architectually and de-
Germaine Greer was born in Melbourne and educated at the university
wasn’t sure whether to call “VC”, “Vice- velpomentally as well. Included within the there. She subsequently took an MA at the University of Sydney and a
Chancellor” or “Professor Dowling” at this latter area is Manor Park and the prospect PhD at the University of Cambridge. She was Professor of Modern Letters
point, normally arrives at Senate House by of buidling work beginning relatively soon at the University of Tulsa from 1980-1983, Special Lecturer at Newnham
7.30am and that it would be nice to go up is one that enthuses the VC. College, Cambridge 1989-98 and since then has been Professor of English
and meet him. Which was all very well and Highlighted within the chat is a great skill
good but 7.30am in the morning? Phew, that Professor Dowling employs: being a
and Comparative Studies at Warwick University.
this Chief Executive of a University busi- very good communicator. Talking to him, She is an outspoken broadcaster and feminist icon (The Female Eunuch,
ness is early-morning stuff. you find yourself attentive to his every her famous book on feminism, was published in 1969) and she has finance
Sure enough, as I made my way to Senate word, not so much in teh delivery of what and operated Stump Cross Books since 1988, publishing the works of female
House, there was the familiar petrol blue he is saying, but more in the vigour with writers including Aphra Behn, Katherine Philips and Anne Wharton.
Jaguar sitting patiently outside, driver in which he recounts stories. He is a great
tow, and it suddenly occured to me that a believer in talking to people one on one and
10 October 2002 A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE VC 11

schedule. Final arrangements are made for the building takes note that he would like it
a trip to Sweden that will take place the day finished soon. Though he is fair, it is clear
after my visit, during which the VC will that the VC does not appreciate nonsense
pick up another award for his contributions and is quick, therefore, to ensure he gets the
to Science and Engineering, and we are most out of those around him. As the say-
soon back at the Guildford campus. ing goes, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to get
Before we take a look at the building on the wrong side of him...
site that is the new Management Building, The afternoon is taken up with the visit of
there is an opportunity to ask whether the Lord May (or Bob, as the VC knows him)
VC still has chance to continue his work and his presentation of the Leggett lecture.
in academia, or more to the point, whether As President of the Royal Society, of which
or not he has the time. A distinguished Professor Dowling is a Fellow, Lord May
academician, specialising in structural and the VC cut quite an image as they stand
engineering, Professor Dowling is a Fellow and chat, catching up on matters past since
of the Royal Society and has many, many last they met. Obviously both eminent
prestigious accolades from the Scientific academicians in their own right, their talk
and Engineering communities. Earlier this ranges between the formal and the infor-
year he was in Argentina and other South mal - what surprises me the most, how-
American collecting Fellowships there and ever, is the ease with which the VC trades
holds many positions on various scientific his builders hat for his mortar board: the The Vice Chancellor surveying the view from inside the new Management School Building
councils and committees. He is the founder transition from relatively informal talker to
of an engineering journal and, in the recent esteemed colleague and friend. A testament that more could have been done to promote The evening, and indeed the day, ends with
Research Assessment of the University’s indeed to his ability to embrace the incred- the evening (arguably the most prestigious coffees in the lounge. Perched between
work, submitted his own work to be scru- ible diversity one of his days invariably evening the University holds) it is clear Dr Porter and Dr Grace Dowling, I sit and
tinised by the assessors. Having worked offers. that what drives Professor Dowling, above recall parts of the day whilst trying to listen
tirelessly at Imperial College as a head of Having been met by Professor Dowling’s and beyond everything else, is an intense to and observe the VC as he circulates
department and up through the ranks, it is wife, Dr Grace Dowling (a very successful pride in UniS and what it has achieved. He around the room. His stamina, bearing
surely a discipline he will return to once his doctor in her own right), we make our way personally sees that this university fulfils inmind this is getting on for 11pm and he
tenure as VC is over. to Austin Pearce ot listen to Lord May’s as much of its potential as it can and so to arrived at work some sixteen hours ago, is
Being a sturctural engineer does have its lecture (I am still not quite on “Bob” terms justify such long days for sustained periods quite remarkable, and his ability to engage
benefits, however, and a quick tour of the with him yet.) The VC gives a little speech of time is not difficult in the slightest - one people in conversation and draw the best
Management Building soon shows that (one, incidentally, that I did not hear him could say it is his “reason” (that and his one from them remains prominent.
he is well aware of the demands of build- practise) and then the lecture. Before- year old grand-daughter, Rebecca). Finally, the majority of the guests leave
ing a building. This does not excuse the hand, the VC had expressed curiosity in The lecture, which incidentally was very and, as I shuffle a bit down the sofa to try
incompletion of the building, though, and the expected number of people who were well attended, soon ends and, following a to combat the effects of the second glass of
everyone who sees the VC walking around going to attend that evening. Frustrated brief coffee in the adjoining lecture hall, port (procured in my direction by the VC
we make our way to the VC’s house for a himself), the VC sidles over to ask if I have
drinks reception and a meal, with Lord May enjoyed the day. At that point I said yes
naturally as the honoured guest. and indeed, even now, some week later, I
The social gathering at his own residence recall parts of the day to friends and family
soon brings out the other side to the VC and with enthusiasm bordering silly.
his relaxed demanour is a development of “This is what it is all about,” says the VC,
the glimpses I have seen all day. Although “meeting people and ensuring that this Uni-
not too disimilar to his nature at work, the versity is regarded as highly as it deserves.”
element of informality that was suggested At some point, I had asked whether the
in his time within the office and with those VC had been happy with 33rd in the Sunday
he knows well is soon to the fore and the Times University Guide. His reply was
evening, fuelled on my own behalf by quick and assured: “We are much better
perhaps a little too much red wine and port than that. This univeristy can be in the top
(bearing in mind the circumstance in which ten.” With a man like Professor Dowling at
I am drinking) is really quite good fun. the helm, you can place your bets now.

The Vice-Chancellor with Lord May and Communications & Marketing sabbatical Rich “Louis Theroux” Watts
ben folds and the the good and bad...
divine comedy! massive attack dvd:
martin grech! huzzah!
candyheads! toploader album:
bugfly! rubbish!

one hour photo

directed by Mark Romanek Suddenly, with the inevitability of a nightmare, Sy’s world
starring Robin Williams, Connie Nielson, Mike Vartan begins falling apart and the transition to stalker/psycho
(on which the majority of the marketing has been based) is
Robin Williams, one of the great comic improvisers in the soon apparent.
movies, has been exploring his darker sides in his 2002 It’s the kind of role you don’t expect from Williams, the
films. He played an evil clown in Death to Smoochy and a mercurial master of free-association comedy and the
suave serial killer in Insomnia, and now digs into touchier sometimes-sappy comic lead of movies like Mrs. Doubtfire.
areas - loneliness, alienation, incipient violence - in writer- Williams is a man of constantly shifting masks and moods,
director Mark Romanek’s chillingly flat and enigmatic One but he lets himself get swallowed up in Sy, with his
Hour Photo. thinning blond hair, spaniel geniality, desperate kindness
It’s a kind of anti-thriller about the loneliness and and obsessive voyeurism. He creates a truly memorable
desolation of the everyday, a psychological suspense movie character, as sympathetic as he is scary, as vulnerable as he
that works best when it ignores the usual suspense-movie is menacing.
conventions and just focuses on people and their traps - and For its first half, One Hour Photo is an utterly absorbing
best of all, when it focuses on Williams. Playing photo- film, full of constant tension and laceratingly clear images
shop manager Seymour Parrish (or “Sy the Photo Guy”), of a dull, heartless and all-too-real world. Sy is lost in a
Williams has a dark-side role as a gentle bachelor/geek world of photo images, incongruously sharp and shiny
with a pained smile, fragile demeanor and meek, pasty- reflections of a dull world. Romanek is very adept at
faced look of a chronic outsider. manipulating those images. He’s also a photo and film buff
Sy works in a little corner of a huge, impersonal chain who drops little allusions around, naming Van Der Zee after
department store and he tells his story in a police a noted art photographer and pitching One Hour Photo
interrogation room. Trapped in his mundane, dead-end deliberately in the dark paranoid key of ’70s psychological
job and lonely life - he seems desperately to want entry thrillers like Coppola’s The Conversation with Gene
into another world. He wants access to that bright, pretty Hackman as a lonely surveillance bugger, and Taxi Driver
domain of happy suburban families that he keeps exposing with Robert De Niro as a lonely, latently violent cabbie.
in the rolls of film he develops, especially for one customer The film is not as good when it turns Sy into a stalker as
with whom he has become obsessed: cheery, tall and lovely it is when it’s setting up the hurts and humiliations What do you mean “check your smile”? I’m meant to be a stalker.
Nina Yorkin. Nina is the light of Sy’s empty life. She that drive him to hatred and revenge. In the last
keeps coming to the shop with her 8-year-old son Jake to part of the picture, it’s hard to accept what Sy does
drop off home snapshots of her family, unaware that Sy has (or what the police and the other characters do
constructed a huge shrine of her pictures in his apartment. in response) as anything but a fantasy or a cliché
Writer-director Romanek takes us into Sy’s world with no suspense movie somehow intruding on an often
filters and no apologies. An extremely gifted rock-video extraordinary character study of a disintegrating
auteur (Michael and Janet Jackson’s Scream) with one life.
other film to his credit, Romanek sets most of the first half When Romanek springs the movie’s last shot - an
of One Hour Photo in Sy’s domain and in his mind. It’s a enigmatic and startling image that reverses much
sad life and a sorry spectacle, symbolised by the drab and of what we’ve seen until then - it partly redeems
dreary pale of his every item of clothing, his every snip the shallowness of that whole last section. One
of decor and every step in the monotonous supermarket; Hour Photo is a piece of often masterly image-
the stark contrast to the colour of life and happiness is making, a half-brilliant film with a revelatory lead
made so wonderfully apparent through the camera pan in performance by Williams. But it’s also a thriller
Sy’s apartment to the bank of photographs depicting an that gets trapped in surfaces: shiny, exciting, full of
intangible suburban joy. dread but often only tricks of the camera.

van wilder:
directed by Walt Becker
starring Ryan Reynolds, Tara Reid party liaison
Directed by Walt Becker, this is another fun campus comedy that kicks against the super dumb material that’s been going around. Although
this is only just hovering above dumb, it had a fresh approach and slightly broader appeal brought by interesting casting. Genre wise, it
fills the middle space between something like Legally Blonde and Shallow Hall.
Van Wilder is a student who has been at University for way too long (because his father doesn’t show any affection towards him), he is
making a career out of spending his fathers money, being a full time student. He is the guy on campus that most everyone likes because
he can and usually will do anything for a laugh. When the cash tap is turned off by his father Van has to come up with tutor fees all by
himself, and that’s where the Party Liaison part comes in. He starts to become the campus social director more or less, and everything he
touches turns to gold. In some ways it draws some story from Henry Higgins and Eliza Dolittle, but that is drawing a longish bow because
Van works his magic on everyone, not just a single person. He hires a secretary who is an Indian guy and helps him transform himself into
someone cool as opposed to the nerdy dude he starts out as. Van also helps the qualified nerds throw a party that gives them some cred, so
there’s quite a few make-overs involved in the plot, and they are sweetly amusing rather than totally stupid.
There’s a subplot about the campus paper wanting to do a story on him, and sending a nice sweet girl after him to do an interview. A nice
girl who wouldn’t get into anything too tacky. Her fiancee is a droll priggish sort of guy who revels in giving Van a hard time, so there are
some fun jousting scenes between these two. One memorable scene with Van arriving at her family dinner unexpected (it’s a set up) and
having to deal with the olds as best he can, which turns out to be quite well.
The film is funny and has a refreshing group of youthful actors doing their thing.
Incidentally, this sort of comedy probably provides some sort of useful advice and ideas to students, by way of offering ideas on how to
have a good time and how peer group monstering can be really nasty stuff.
10 October 2002 FILM 13
Dilemma: I’m staying in wit me mates, I got the beer but I don’t know which movie to
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish rent?!?!?! Rest Assured, that is my reason for being:
and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will,
shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s
keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great
In wit’ me mates
vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And
you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you”.

Classic of the week

Pulp Fiction is not a For example, this
movie that will appeal last time, I noticed
to everyone; it is how much of the
violent, there is foul movie takes place
language and it has in bathrooms; in
a very dark humour. particular, Vincent
On the other hand, if uses a restroom in
these things do not all three of the main Welcome friends, now much to my disgust I have found myself recently uttering those god
turn you off of movies, stories, and something forsaken words: Things used to be so much better (insert random number here) years ago
this is one of the best pivotal happens to – aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I’m turning into my parents!!!!!! So while I’m having this fifth
movies ever. Rather him (as opposed to half (hopefully)) life crisis I thought I’d put it to good use and recommend
than having a single every time he some truly superb films that I worshipped as a young lad. First up, I feel it is my duty as
plot, Pulp Fiction is actually a collection emerges. Incidentally, did you know why a child raised in the eighties to recommend The Goonies; if ever there was a gang of lads
of short stories that are all inter-twined. a top hit-man such as Vincent Vega left I wanted to be part of, it was the Goonies. This film is just fantastic and I never get tired
This is not one of those movies that can be his gun on the counter while going to the of it. Second up is Top Gun; the movie that originated the “bullshit cough”. Not only
summarised in a single sentence or even loo? Well actually it wasn’t his gun, it will you find that you want to be (or be with, depending on your sexual preference) the
a paragraph. There is too much here, and was Marcellus’ who went out to get lunch, main character but you will have the same, if not stronger feelings about his arch “enemy”
while fun to watch the first time, it is also hence why he was carrying two cups when Iceman. A quite brilliant eighties movie.

a joy to re-watch and catch new things. he was run over by Butch. all words: stew fudge

Director’s cut quentin tarantino

reservoir dogs
Born 27th March 1963 in Knoxville, Tennessee. The son project, the intensely visceral “Pulp Fiction” (1994). The movie scene
of a 16-year old nursing student, and a 21-year old law film was debuted at Cannes and ran away with the Palme in recent
student and aspiring actor, the family moved to South d’Or, going on to be nominated for seven Academy Awards years, mainly
LA when QT was 2 years-old and this is where he grew (and winning the one for Best Original Screenplay). The due to his
up. His mother frequently took him to the cinema and he increased
saw “Deliverance” at the age of 9 – this early exposure to commitments
cinema engendering a lasting affection which would direct with regard to
his career path in the future. Producing (and
Quentin Tarantino is no Stephen Spielberg. Well duh. directing an episode of ER).
Seriously though, what I mean is that he didn’t go down Well, barefacts can reveal not-so-exclusively (‘cos Empire
the typical film-school route like Spielberg (and indeed his and others got there first) that the new Tarantino movie will
Mexican counterpart Señor Spielbergo). Hell no, this guy be with us sometime towards the third quarter of 2003. The
knows films much like most film buffs - through osmosis. film is entitled “Kill Bill” and stars Uma Thurman, Lucy
His educational institution was the video store, and he even Liu, David Carradine, Michael Madsen and Darryl Hannah
penned the screenplay to “True Romance” while he was to name a few.
working at The Manhattan Beach Video Archives – a store The good news (at least for people like me) is that in
film was an international success, and Tarantino was
where it is rumoured that he watched all the videos they preparation for this movie, for 12 months QT sat through at
hailed as a saviour of American cinema and one of the new
stocked. least one Hong Kong/Kung Fu/Samurai/Anime movie a day
breed of “videostore” auteur (see Kevin Smith for another
jackie brown

Without the financial backing to make “True Romance” – sometimes watching two or three a day. Rumours are that
example). The film also kick-started John Travolta’s career,
himself, he sold the script – as he did with “Natural Born it is set to be his most violent movie yet and is currently in
although “Battlefield Earth” was a debatable career choice.
Killers” (eventually made by Oliver Stone). With the Post-Production. The action choreographer for the movie is
In 1995 QT and fellow directors Robert Roderiguez,

pulp fiction
money from these scripts he set about financing his own the legendary Yuen Woo-Ping (Matrix trilogy). Oh and for
Alexandre Rockwell and Allison Anders created “Four
project entitled “Reservoir Dogs”, and this film gained those of you who need to know, the plot goes like this:
Rooms” – each directing a segment of the film. The result
serious backing from LIVE Entertainment once they “The Bride” was once part of a group of world class
was mediocre, but Roderiguez and Tarantino’s sections
discovered that Harvey Keitel had agreed to star in the film. female assassins, until the group leader, “Bill” and the
were the better parts of a somewhat disjointed movie.
In January 1991, “Reservoir Dogs” landed at the Sundance other assassins turn against her. Five years later “The
In the years that followed, Tarantino wrote and starred
Festival to rave reviews and quickly became a cult hit Bride” awakens from the coma the assassins left her in
in a few movies of note – most notably with his friend,
across the US and the UK. And so it began… and heads out to seek bloody revenge. Unlike conventional
the director Robert Roderiguez. Perhaps the pick of the
Three years later, Tarantino directed and co-wrote his next movies, Kill Bill is told in chapter format making the
bunch being “From Dusk Till Dawn” (based on Tarantino’s
narrative flow more like a book than a film.(From
original script, and starring QT himself opposite George
Clooney). Tarantino also took a cameo role in 1995’s
Roll on QT in Q3 2003. words: jolyon hunter
“Desperado” also directed by Roderiguez.
In 1997, Tarantino adapted Elmore Leonard’s “Rum
Punch” into the movie “Jackie Brown”. The film was
somewhat different to his previous offerings being a
meditation on growing old, but served to reaffirm QT’s
position as one of the foremost directors of recent times.
Tarantino’s films tend to be as controversial as they are
brilliant. Frequently they involve Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth
and other favourite actors of his, and more often than not
there is some kind of mystery surrounding a suitcase in the
So what next?? QT has kind of disappeared from the
Student Finance
A look at some of the issues surrounding money and students at university

Although it was the main agenda point of Tony Blair’s first election campaign education still does not come cheap. According to the National Union of Students (NUS),
the average living and course costs for students this academic year will be £8,400 in London and £7,317 everywhere else. This here pull-out is a brief look at some of the
issues surrounding student finance and covers some of the basics you might want to have a look at: what are tuition fees? What is this graduate tax? How can I budget?
How has someone else done it? Lots of information is available regarding this sort of thing: www.bbc.co.uk, www.independent.co.uk, www.guardian.co.uk all have great
education sections and www.nusonline.co.uk is obviously a great place to have a look. Just look around and if braefacts can help, then it will try.

The current situation

a little bit of history and explanation of some of the “special cases” in course fees
Most students who began full-time undergraduate courses at publicly-funded
higher academic institutions in or after 1998/1999, or their parents or spouse, have SPECIAL CASES SCOTTISH ANOMALY
to contribute towards the tuition fees for each year of the course following the then
Education Secretary David Blunkett’s decision to abandon the grant scheme. There are some other exceptions The government decided that Scottish
The level of the contribution is means-tested, such that those on lower family to the new rules. The government students should not pay tuition fees
incomes get free tuition and the maximum contribution for those on higher incomes is exempting postgraduate trainee for the final year of a degree course, if it
is £1,075. teachers from paying tuition fees, for was a year longer than the comparable
Parental income is not taken into account if the student is 25 or over or has been self- instance. Medical students do not course in England and Wales - as
supporting for at least three years before the start of the course. have to pay in their fifth year. Those on honours degrees in Scotland typically
The current situation is not consistent across all of the UK: in Wales the Assembly courses such as nursing and midwifery are.
decided to bring back a limited “learning grant” from the 2002-03 academic year, get government bursaries to meet the The fee is paid by the government in the
setting aside £41m for the purpose, which is expected to mean grants of about £750 fees. There are other special cases, in additional or honours year - usually the
for poorer students from Wales - those whose “residual income” is less than £15,000 particular students who fall within the fourth year. Students from elsewhere in
- wherever in the UK they study. “gap year” scheme announced on 14 the UK who are at Scottish universities
The Northern Ireland Assembly approves scrapping up-front tuition fees, but says August 1997 to cater for those who had however have to pay their own fees.
this measure would be too expensive to support and would contravene equality intended to take a year out of education This so-called “Scottish anomaly”
measures because offering free tuition to all would benefit the wealthy more than before going to university. proved highly contentious.
the disadvantaged. The government got the legislation
through Parliament in 1998 only by
LIVING COSTS promising an independent review
of the working of fees. They became
Students get help with living costs by
a major issue in the first elections
being eligible for a support loan, with an
to the new Scottish Parliament. In
interest rate linked to inflation, from the
the end, an independent committee
Student Loan Company. The system
on student finance - the Cubie
of paying back the loans depends on
Committee - was set up as a result
the student’s income as a graduate.
of the coalition deal between Labour
For those students who need further
and the Liberal Democrats. Among 52
assistance, an extra discretionary loan
recommendations, Cubie said tuition
of £250 a year may be available from
fees should be replaced with a system
what are known as the Access Funds.
under which graduates would pay
Local education authorities can supply
£3,000 once they were earning £25,000.
information, as well as the student
The Scottish Executive did decide to
support/student services office of the
scrap up-front tuition fees for Scottish
students at Scottish universities, with
graduates contributing £2,000 to a fund
for new hardship grants, starting to pay
Right: the annual national demonstration
this when their earnings are at least

Some advice to help alleviate your worries

useful money tips and ideas to approach overdrafts and credit cards

Much of the total for student costs comes from fund their education. The NUS estimates that around the better of these offers would yield no more than £51
accommodation costs of around £2,800 in London 42% of students currently work part-time. The TUC’s a week for students keeping to the NUS recommended
and £2,000 elsewhere. ‘Elsewhere’ covers a big range Students at Work survey in 2000, however, reckoned working hours. Over a 39-week academic year, that’s
of costs, with students in the east Midlands facing that figure was far higher, with 60% of students having just £1,989 before National Insurance.
average weekly rents of £40 while their counterparts to work to meet basic living costs. So if you’re studying this year, even if you have
on the south-east have to stump up £63.88. Too much work, though, and your studies could or intend to find part-time work, you will have to
Yet the maximum student maintenance loans suffer - according to the NUS, 38% of students missed consider other ways to keep costs down. Luckily, there
available in 2002/03 for students living away from lectures because of work commitments while 21% are several which don’t involve decimating your beer
home in London and elsewhere are £4,811 and £3,905 failed to submit course work on time. intake.
respectively. This leaves students with a potential Because of this, the NUS recommends that students Cutting your household costs is also worth checking
shortfall of up to £3,589, though the NUS calculates the work no more than 10 hours a week. But what out. You could save up to £150 a year on fuel bills
average gap is £3,611 for London students, £2,929 for remuneration could you expect from this? According by changing supplier, while turning your thermostat
others. to the New Earnings Survey 2001, carried out by the down by just 1 degree will cut a further 10%, or around
Other sources of money are available, such as hardship Office of National Statistics (ONS), part-time wages £30 a year, off gas and electricity costs.
grants and money from each individual institution, average £137 a week, but that is based on just over 19 Energy-efficient light bulbs use just a quarter of the
but more often than not, these all have to be paid back hours work - almost twice the maximum recommended electricity used by normal bulbs, and last for up to
eventually anyway. for students. 10 times as long. They cost around £5 each, which
Since grants were abolished in 1998, the burden The ONS calculates part-time hourly pay at around sounds a lot, but they’ll still save you up to £10 a year
for meeting education costs has fallen mostly on £7.13, but again this is based on a longer part-time on electricity.
parents. The average family now pays £681 above any working week. For the casual and temporary work In total, that’s almost £200 a year saved on fuel - 28%
contribution it is required to make towards course more likely to come the student’s way, average of your travel costs in London or a whopping 44%
fees under the means-test rules, but even that will hourly pay starts at just £4 an hour, or less. A bar job of transport costs outside the capital. Of course, you
leave London students with a £3,000 gap to fill, while in Huddersfield, for example, pays £4 an hour while could save the entire £709/£452 average travel cost by
students in cheaper areas will still be looking at a temporary work for the Greenwich Leisure group in cycling everywhere instead
shortfall of at least £2,000. London pays from £5.10 an hour.
Realistically, most students will have to work to It doesn’t take a maths graduate to work out that even

The articles on this page were adapted from The Guardian’s student money special from the website

Debt at university is inevitable and most students are probably sick of hearing this by now.
But other than sticking to a tight budget, cutting down on trips to the bar and avoiding ever
entering HMV, there is another way undergraduates can potentially save money: simply by
choosing the right bank account.
It’s easy to stick with the bank you’ve put your money with since childhood, or to opt for
the one that’s offering the £50 incentive, but there’s more to choosing where to stash your
meagre allowance than meets the eye.


One of the most important aspects of any student bank account is the overdraft facility. Most
banks offer a steadily increasing overdraft limit between the first and last year of study.
Students should be aware, however, that not all banks automatically allow you to borrow up
to your maximum interest-free overdraft limit from day one. Abbey National, for example,
will grant a limit of £1,000 interest free only after the account has been credited with £500.
As university life becomes ever more expensive, some students will find themselves
wishing to exceed these overdraft limits, which is when it is worth looking at authorised and
unauthorised overdraft rates.
NatWest comes up trumps in this respect, as it is the only bank not to charge any interest on
an agreed extension to its interest-free overdraft limits. Even its unauthorised rate is one of FREEBIES
the lowest at 17.8% - compared to around 30% or more with some banks such as the Co-op
and Lloyds TSB. HSBC recently ditched its unauthorised overdraft rate and is now charging Banks will do almost anything to woo extra customers, and students are generally among the
interest at its standard (non-student) overdraft rate of 14.8%. easiest to persuade - especially if they get something for nothing.
Unauthorised borrowing fees can also cause a nasty surprise, as many students are already NatWest has downgraded its offer from last year, when it seduced students with a Casio
no doubt discovering. Barclays, HSBC, NatWest and the Co-op don’t impose fees, but all handheld TV, and is instead offering a ‘student starter kit’ consisting of kettle, toaster and
the other banks do, and in some cases these can be very costly. Abbey National, for example, radio alarm clock for all those who take out a student account. Alternatively you could opt
charges £15 a month for an unauthorised overdraft as well as £15 each time the agreed for the £60 on offer instead and spend it on books or beer. HSBC is offering arguably the
overdraft limit is exceeded. best deal with an invaluable four-year railcard or £50 cash, while Barclays is going for the
hard-working contingent with discounts and vouchers for Waterstones.
For those students fortunate enough to have a bank balance not starting with a minus sign,
the rate of interest the bank pays on the money sitting in their account will make a small Of course, banks don’t just sign up customers for their university years - they want their
difference to their wealth. loyalty for life. For this reason, the incentives don’t stop when university years do, as all
While the big four banks all pay between 0% and 0.10% interest on accounts in credit, the major high-street banks also offer graduate packages. But the best graduate package
Clydesdale bank and Smile pays the best rates of 3.1% and 3% respectively . Smile’s non- isn’t necessarily the same as the best student package and it’s worth having a look at rivals’
internet business, the Co-op, however, pays nothing. offers.

Funding the future: all to play for in government review

THIS TERM IS going to be crucial for the student but also lobbies and mass meetings and we need
movement as government plans will shape the as many students as possible to get involved - not
future of higher education for many years to come. just in affecting the outcome of the review but also
NUS is waiting for the results of the government’s shaping our response to it.
student funding review, due in July but now As well as the national action, we will be
postponed until October. We expect that whatever supporting local action. We urge you to write
they publish will have huge repercussions for to and meet with your local MP about student
students now and in the future - maybe disastrous, hardship and debt, take part in local events
maybe positive. MANDY TELFORD organised by your students’ union and get the
Successful campaigning last year played a crucial message across to your local media. It is crucial
role in keeping the issue of student funding on the that students from across the UK are engaged in
agenda - in the media, in the public eye, within the We have all to play for: our campaigning work and know that they can
student movement. We have spent the summer the return of grants, no make a difference.
months talking to key figures in government top-up fees and an end to We are also excited about the re-launch of our
promoting students’ concerns and hope this work commercial loans website www.nusonline.co.uk. The new design
will create a positive outcome in the review. and technical capacity means that you can now
We have already had great wins for students in will be discussed for student funding. We hope sign up for campaign alerts and be the first to know
further education (FE) this year. We forced the that the whole process is taking longer and longer what we are doing and how you can get involved.
government to recognise that college students because they are taking their time to make sure Supporting material such as ideas for campaign
need financial support to enable them to complete they get things right. activity and briefings on winning arguments on
their courses and so Education Maintenance So, we have all to play for - the return of grants student funding will be available to download and
Allowances (EMAs) will be rolled out across the for the poorest students, a commitment to rule out campaign plans will be posted there first.
country for them in 2004. The most recent press top-up fees, a commitment to rule out commercial However, we need you to help us make things
speculation suggests that a similar payment might rate loans and a whole host of other issues which change for the better. Tell the public, your parents
be initiated for university students as well. students have told us about. However, we need to and your MPs how you feel about debt. The next
The Department for Education and Skills (DfES) keep up the pressure not just in Westminster, but few months will decide the future of student
has continually told us ‘nothing has been ruled in across the whole country. We will be running mass funding - and that might make thousands of
and nothing ruled out’ in terms of the options that actions on a national level, not just demonstrations pounds of difference to all students!

What can NUS do?

the “funding the future” campaign and some helpful tips from the National Union

The National Union of Students rep- NUS believes that the government’s options paper provides the ideal opportunity to get student funding right and to ensure
resents over five million students in that the government achieves its Widening Participation aims. In particular, NUS is fighting for:
higher and further education in the UK.
It is currently vehemently campaign- a fair system of funding for all
ing on the Options Paper on the Future
of Higher Education Funding. In its an end to fees
“funding the future” briefing, NUS
says “there has been a massive expan- a return to grants
sion of participation in HE and current
government targets seek to expand the
maintaining a system of loans subsidised at current rates
proportion of 18 to 30 year olds. How-
ever, increase in student numbers has
not been matched by increased govern- an end to student poverty
ment investment: funding per student DO: BUDGET DON’T: THINK YOU’RE LOADED
has halved since the 1970’s. University The modern university experience requires excellent The first instalment of a student loan may look like a
infrastructure, resources and staff has budgeting skills. Work out exactly what essential costs you considerable amount of money. However remember this has
all worsened as a result. NUS warmly have each month (rent, food, bills etc) and then divide what to last you all term and once the essentials are taken out it is
welcome’s the government’s recogni- you have left into weekly amounts. Try taking that amount clearly not a ticket to go on a spending spree.
tion that the current student eupport out at the start of the week and sticking to it, rather than Keep quiet about financial problems
arrangements in England and Wales are making numerous trips to the cash point. Not everyone finds it easy to talk candidly about his or her
not working and their announcement CHOOSE YOUR BANK CAREFULLY financial situation. Do not bottle these problems up in the hope
to review the balance of contributions People are more likely to divorce than change banks according they will go away – they won’t. Speak to your students’ union
between the state, parents and students to one old adage so think carefully about who you choose to who will be able to advise you how to go about managing
as part of the proposed options paper. bank with. Don’t be sucked in by free promotional offers when your money. They will also be able to point you towards any
NUS has a responsibility to fight against you open the account. Find out what the deal is for repaying hardship schemes that they or the university run.
elitism in both further and higher edu- that interest-free student overdraft, you may end up with a SPEND MONEY YOU DON’T HAVE
cation to ensure that all students have whacking interest rate the minute you leave your final exam. Spending money you know you don’t have in your bank
equal access and are able to participate CHECK EVERYTHING YOU’RE ENTITLED TO account is a very expensive way of solving any short-term
based on their ability to learn and not Speak to your students’ union who have financial experts problems. Many banks charge big fees for any unauthorised
their ability to pay. on hand who can tell you if you’re getting everything you’re transaction.
entitled to. They can also advise you about your eligibility to GIVE INTO PEER PRESSURE
apply for hardship loan schemes they may run. University is a fantastic experience and there is generally
WORK SENSIBLY something going on 24-hours a day. However when you
It is a fact that 90% of students are now forced to work during cannot afford to do something, you cannot afford to do it.
their course just to keep their heads above water. Think about Don’t accept loans from friends to fund an evening out – they
when you are likely to be most busy with exams and essays may not be quite so friendly when you cannot pay them
and try to fit in more hours in the quieter periods. back.

So what’s what?

Conservative and Labour governments have both have to be paid in advance, at a time when young burdensome debt repayments and embarrassingly
turned their backs on the model of non-repayable people have the least money. high levels of student debt. This would mean that
grants for all - which operated when only a small Opposition to this scheme in Scotland resulted in fees there would be no fixed amount to re-pay - and a
minority of young people entered higher education. being charged after graduation - a tactical change higher tax would be justified on the grounds of a
But there has still to be any agreement on what should which seemed to reduce much of the protests. higher level of income for graduates.
take its place for students in England. The present And the funding review could see a shift towards And the added tax for graduates would only be one
government’s combination of tuition fees, loans and charging students after they complete their degrees component in the complexities of tax bands and
support for students from deprived backgrounds, has - with the growing possibility of a GRADUATE TAX. allowances.
been a constant source of dispute. And in response This would mean that people who had attended It could also allow a fresh start to funding allowances,
to growing student debt and concerns that this was university would pay an increased level of taxation providing more generous amounts for students when
deterring applications to university, the government is once they were working and had crossed an income they are studying -, which would be raked back over
currently reviewing student funding. threshold. The good thing about a graduate tax is that the decades ahead.
repayments are made only when earning, but as to
But what are the options? whether universities will see a return from this costing POLITICAL SENSITIVITIES
is unsure. But making it less attractive to an incumbent
TUITION FEES, introduced by the Labour As for non-repayable grants, they offer support for all government would be the short-term financial cost,
government, impose a means-tested charge at the students and help to widen access, but they are very because the money would only slowly be returned to
beginning of each year. This charge goes towards the expensive for the government and were designed for the Treasury.
costs of tuition and is separate to the loans system, when the student population was small. And there could be political sensitivities about stealth
which applies to students’ accommodation and Ending debt taxes if a new level of taxation were to be introduced.
maintenance. Tuition fees have become a target of In political terms, paying through tax codes would A graduate tax system would need to either replace or
much hostility from students, not least because they soften the impact of up-front fees and it would end run alongside STUDENT LOANS. These subsidised loans,
provided by a centrally-approved lender, are now the
main means by which students pay their way through

Case study university, covering living costs. The loans, with low
rates of interest, are not repaid until former students
reach an income threshold. But the loan system means
that students leave college with large debts, which has
how one student has made it through proved unpopular. And as the maximum loans are
insufficient to live on, it means that most students also
acquire more expensive debts, through bank loans and
In terms of Surrey students my career is a little unusual compared to most. Knowing “When I left school, credit cards.
that my folks wouldn’t be able to support me whilst at university I applied to lots I had no idea about
of different sponsorship schemes in my last year of a-levels. Success finally came in WIDENING ACCESS
the way of an interview with the Ministry of Defence and their DESG programme. personal finances - Another option open to the government would be
As it included a year out prior to Surrey I deferred my entry for a year and started since then there have to re-launch the loans system, with larger loans
at their Student Engineer Training Centre in Malvern. been a few difficult and longer repayment periods. An advantage of
I started in Gosport nine months later at my first summer placement. Both the this would be to tailor repayments to the specific
training and the placement were salaried at £12000 for the whole year.
times caused by me borrowing of individual students. And it would also
Starting at Surrey in the first year I was in a Stag Hill single room. The means not thinking.” allow students to know that there would be an end in
testing by the LEA came out at £1000 for course fees. For income I received a £1200 sight to paying for their university. But the problem of
bursary from the MoD and took the full loan of £3500, plus some savings gained large headline figures for student debt would remain.
from my year out. I managed to survive the year without once dipping into an Any system will have to offer financial support for
overdraft. students from poor backgrounds - and if grants are to
For the second year I lived off campus in an overpriced private house near the return, it is possible that they will be used to target the
town centre, £3500 for the year - the same amount as my student loan. I had spent least well-off. In Wales, a means-tested grants system
the summer on placement at the Department of Trade and Industry in London is to be re-introduced, with assistance available worth
whilst staying with my parents in an effort to save some money. At the end of the up to £1,500. But even this is a long way from the old-
placement I received a £1300 bursary from the MoD. Again I had to pay £1000 in style grants system, which once entitled all students to
course fees and ended the year with about an £800 overdraft. at least a minimum grant.
For my final year I worked over the summer again, this time at QinetiQ in
Sevenoaks and got a bursary at the end for £1500 (again living at home to reduce
costs). I also received a reduced loan of £3300 as it was my final year. My course
fees halved that year as my brother started university - £500. I lived off campus
again but this time in a much nicer (and cheaper) university managed house - a snip
at just £2500 for the year. I ended the year with just over a £2000 overdraft mainly
due to buying a laptop.
As a student I’ve realised that credit cards are probably a bad idea so I’ve never
held one, thus my only debts are the overdraft and the student loans which now
total about ten thousand pounds. Since starting work I have managed to chip away
at my overdraft and by the end the year I hope to have removed it completely whilst
getting some nice toys along the way.
When I left school I had very little idea about personal finances, since then there
have been a few difficult times caused by me not thinking - like buying a laptop
before actually receiving my bursary in the final year or changing my debit card
details without realising that would cancel my current card leaving me without
cash until the new one came through. I have seen some friends get into really tough
situation, many due to putting things on a credit card with the idea of “paying it
off later” but somehow never getting round to it until it’s too late. To a large extent
personal finance is a question of common sense and ensuring you don’t live outside
of your means so put that Porsche off for just a few more years...
20 MUSIC 10 October 2002


ROBBIE WILLIAMS has signed an £80m
deal with EMI that ensures he will remain
U2 | island
very rich and very prominent in the music
Returning to form as they did with
scene and British culture. The deal is
Beautiful Day and all that, the apparent
thought to be second only to Michael
owners of rock and roll in its truest sense
Jackson’s £100m contract with Sony in
continue pretty much where they left off
– not much else to say than “you will
When the figure was announced, Robbie
probably like it, even if you don’t like
Williams said “my mum said it would be
U2”. Bono was recently voted the most
uncouth of me to talk about money but
influential man in music – now, given that
I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
he probably has a lot of commitments else
When asked what he was going to do
where, to continue to produce the quality of
with the money, he said he was going to
lyrics that he does is quite an achievement;
count it all.
hell – the man even has a family. Time
The news that Williams’ co-writer Guy
management at its best. seven
Chambers is quitting has barely passed
unnoticed, incidentally.
GRAHAM COXON, the lead guitarist of ocean size | beggars banquet
Blur, has been sacked following bouts Opening track ‘Amputee’ sees big sounding
of alcoholism and generally depressive ‘Ocean Size’ comfortably with ‘Epic
demeanour. Just four days into recording Rock’. This quality sound is spawn from
the new album, Coxon was asked to leave heavy drums and at times elegant pauses
the the band’s management and is looking that balance the tracks in this typical but
effective formula. Title track ‘Relapse’ CHASING DREAMS EP TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER
simply to recover.
starts with a three-minute intro until the magnet | ultimate dilemna add n to [x] | mute
mumbled vocals pour out, with the track Winters fast approaching so time to release ‘Take Me To Your Leader’ is the bands
never really finding a second gear means fragile, delicate heartfelt music. As if cold, first single off the new album ‘Loud Like
it never really achieves its destination like wet and long nights aren’t enough Magnet Nature’ which is released later this month.
previous ‘Amputee’. Hard hitting Rock are here to make it more enjoyable by It is their first new material to be released
that has the right balance, if not always making us feel even more miserable. This since the widely acclaimed album ‘Add
direction. six EP is four tracks of dreary Scandanavian Insult to Injury’. The song is a mixture of
melancholia that will leave you uninspired different electronic sounds and bass lines
and very bored. If you enjoy dragging out with the distorted singing over the top. It
those winter months then buy this! three is nothing really ground breaking but Add

* recommended
N To [X] are certainly a band to catch live
were they really come to life six

He weren’t a choirboy or anything

An interview with Martin Grech
In between about a million interruptions from students congratulating Martin I manage
to pose a few questions - hello I’m doing an interview! Martin Grech is a nineteen-year-
old with an exciting future, here comes question no.1 in a quasi Q&A manner how does
someone in his position at such a young age stay grounded? “I have a manager who helps,
otherwise I’d never turn up for anything on time” I could do with one of them to get me
up for lectures. Most famous at present for the song Open Heart Zoo which Lexus pinched
to advertise their current range of motors. I met up with him in the Union after a wicked
gig on the main stage on Tuesday 1 October. A remarkable turn out of enthusiastic people
obviously pleased Martin as I find him in good spirits “I really like the venue it’s a great
size and everyone was into it”. I raised the issue of the Lexus advert and the big sticker on
the album that reads as featured on, some artists would view this as selling out “Without
the Lexus ad I probably wouldn’t be here now” well that told me! Anyone at the gig will
highlight Martin’s great voice “Well my mother was a singer and that’s it, I only started
singing when I stated writing” he weren’t a choirboy or nothing just lucky I suppose.
We have to turn around and face the opposite direction at this point because Martin’s
girlfriend and merchandise supremo is making him laugh! He tells me he hasn’t done many alex read was posing the questions
interviews yet. Self proclaimed and obvious influences include Soundgarden, Jeff Buckley the wall with a lot of musicians”. “I’d be very interested in the idea of working with others
(definitely voice) and Radiohead again comparisons with both Thom Yorke’s voice and the but very hesitant as well, it would have to be the perfect person” Yorkie are you reading?
bands’ current sound. I discover Martin is a big Radiohead fan “As soon as I got the Bends, Music and business are becoming more and more entwined an interesting discussion on
the Bends just made me think the guitar is the greatest thing ever, and that was the album the subject ensues, I liked this sincere quote in particular “Music is just about being honest
that gave me the passion for music” However it’s no longer his fave. He doesn’t take drugs and letting go”. “The CD is much quieter than the live sound” I’d agree the album sound
and never has it’s just not his thing let’s hope he remains levelheaded. Groupies is a very is more thoughtful and the production is great. My favourite part of the interview comes
important issue, naturally I raise the groupie question, the response is candid “I haven’t near the end when his Tour Manager turned up and explained travel arrangements, check
done enough touring or anything for that to have any affect, but I did get one girl ask me this out: Tour manager “your going with Pete is that alright? Martin “Yeah I’ll just tell him
to sign her breast” nice. “Long term goals, I want to make music for ever despite whether I not to drive too fast, um can you tell him not to drive too fast” Tour Manager “Yeah sure no
make any money or I just busk” “I respect a lot of musicians and would love to be a fly on problem” not exactly Keith Moon but a nice bloke nonetheless.
10 October 2002 MUSIC 21
A singles collection no less no more
malcolm middleton | chemikal
– designed to make Ash and their record As one half of Arab Strap, this solo debut

company a shit load of money. All of a from Mr Middleton was never going to
sudden Christmas has become the season of be a cheerful affair. Famed for sombre
new Robbie Williams albums and greatest painstaking melancholy, Middleton doesn’t
hits compilations. Aren’t Ash a bit young allow this album to stray far from this
for this sort of release? I know they’ve route. However, under his own guise,
been around ten years but it’s only recently 5:14 Nicotine has given melancholy a
that they’ve realised their potential. All the heart. Like a warm fire on a cold winters
singles old and new are here ‘Burn Baby night, tracks throughout this snug album
Burn’, ‘Shining Light’ and ‘Sometimes’ the emit a warm glow. Take ‘Best in Me’ for
best and most recent of the bunch. A singles example, a sweet love song drenched in
collection rather than a best of was a smart orchestral harmonies and soaring guitars
choice considering the poor consistency that will leave anyone listening with rosy
of Ashs’ early records. Brand new track red cheeks and a heart that feels like it
‘Envy’ is alright but nothing more than a has been wrapped in a duvet. For Arab
tool to get Ash devotees to buy the record. Strap fans the Malcolm of old can still be
Yeah Ash are well rock ‘n’ roll! Money heard throughout, but with as much heart
makes the world go round, buy it if you as sadness, you’ll be hard pushed to find a
want the wheat without the piss boring more beautiful album this year. eight | sr
chaff. seven | ar

the shining

Not sure what all the fuss is about here?
I’ve read so many quotes about how The
Shining are the best thing since sliced you
know what that my expectations needed
grounding with a proper listen. Cut past
Everybody Down
Matthew | ryko

As much I listen to lead singer Brian

McSweeney singing of his tragic heart
words by: alex read
simon robinson
jon swarbrick | duncan hills
matty b | anna wheeler
the Verve thing (two members of the band aches, I just can’t bring myself to actually
used to be in The Verve – no not the really believe any of what he’s saying. The band
good ones) and you left with just another try to come across all emotional but simply
British guitar band oh joy! All the extra bits end up sounding all too watered down and if you are interested in writing for the music
prevalent with any established musician over produced, fluffed up to a point where team, then come along to the cd hand-out in
bands are present i.e. piano. That’s the all passion is stripped bare leaving nothing the media centre on mondays at 5pm

cynical view right there, flip everything but heard-it-a-million-times-before “safe”
on its head and you’ve got a record with indie. Not even Brian’s attempts at a “Thom
a number of genuinely good songs. If you Yorke” or a “Jeff Buckley” can rescue the
check the song writing acknowledgements situation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure
roots manuva
you’ll see a good mixture from all band the band have it in them to produce some
Badmeaningood is a hip hop compilation series with the following premise check it, A big
members, on this occasion a good sign of great stuff (….well…. maybe), the songs
name/noise artist operating in the business selects a ton of tracks that best represent hip
quality i.e. there’s no shit songs to appease are tight and the band obviously have
hop to them. Step up Roots Manuva aka Rodney Smith, yeah I know it sounds good. The
the drummer. I’m a sucker for the beautiful considerable talent for their instruments, yet
difficulty with this type of compilation is maintaining a consistent feel across the whole
‘I Wonder How’ and other more thoughtful all they seem to want to do is make by-the-
selection, thankfully this isn’t a major problem here. After a typically Roots intro we’re
tracks. When things get rockier it’s an book songs hated by none. But who knows,
truly blessed with impossibly good feeling ‘Priceless’ by Deckwrecka, the summer vibe is
unfortunate sign of weakness. Indie guitar wholly unremarkable soft rock might be
omnipresent. Two tracks later and we’re taken back in time with ‘(I’m Gonna) Hold On’
peeps will like it everyone else will end up exactly what you’re looking for. I doubt it
by Willie Hutch a soulful blend of piano, strings and grooved up bass. By and large this
non-plussed. six | ar though. four
remains the formula, a mix of old soul, early rap (NWA) and bang up to date musicianship
courtesy of Outkast among others. Badmeaningood is essentially Rodney Smith and the
music important to him, fortunately for us Smith has impeccable taste. Other highlights
words and interrogation: alex read
include the wicked ‘Mirror In The Bathroom’ by The Beat and Soul to Souls’ ‘Keep on
Candyheads are headlining next Tuesday’s Live night. Songwriter and band lynchpin
Movin’. You get me? eight | ar
Ted Chau has experienced lot of change over the years including a very recent switch of
drummers “we’re based loosely around London, the tough thing has been line up changes
over the years but as the Candyheads we’ve been going since 2000”. Candyheads are Ted’s
current project, he’s an experienced musician having been involved in a number of bands
including John Lydons’ P.I.L. He’s keen to talk about current label and band set up “at
present I’m the songwriter. We’ve signed a contract with an independent label Libelous
Media Records. To be honest the enthusiasm of the label is so important, if you sign to a
major there’s a danger you can end up sidelined”. He’s worked with a major label before in
a previous band but is much happier when working with people who take a more personal
interest in the band “getting the feeling that people care is so important to me”. Musical
influences are important so you people know what your getting, they’ve been compared
to a number of bands by various online music publications “We have been likened to
a tougher Ash or a more inspired Dum Dums” other comparisons include Foo Fighters
and Ted’s voice has even been likened to a certain Fran Healy. He is enthusiastic when
the subject of the Internet comes up in conversation “It’s a fantastic resource, it allows
people to access your band at any time, you can be as clever and as inventive in getting
the information out there as you want - even to the point of using guerilla tactics!” (I
checked their site and saw no sign of any tactics guerilla or otherwise!) Things have been
a little quiet with band recently because of auditions to find a new drummer, however the FALLING DOWN | candyheads | libellous
Uni of Surrey should find the band well up for it on the 15 October. He discusses people’s This latest single from the Candyheads is lifted well above mediocrity by Ted Chau’s
approaches to music before supplying this thought provoking quote “there’s two types of awesomely melodic vocal. This is a trait consistent with their best work, thankfully this
music good music and good music played badly”. Food for thought, I think my typically is no thoughtless thrash rock band. They were unable to promote the single as much as
British attempts to pigeonhole the band had run their course. There is an MP3 on the bands they’d like due to band line-up probs – the resulting chart position was less than exciting
site, which is available to download right now www.candyheads.co.uk check that out for but nevertheless a useful experience. Their sound is fairly light rock with edge supplied
the time being and then check out the band Live on the 15th in the Union - peace. through the vocals – melody is the key. seven
22 LIVE 10 October 2002

Divine inspiration
BEN FOLDS AND THE DIVINE COMEDY Hannon providing rhythm guitar on ‘Mess’.
Shepherds Bush Empire | Friday October 4th ‘Philosophy’ from the self-titled debut
BFF album was one of the biggest crowd-
The Divine Comedy and Ben Folds are two of the most pleasers, and ‘Song For the Dumped’,
inventive and original artists around and have come which was played really slowly and in a
together to co-headline a joint tour around the UK. Last minor key (“because it’s a sad song”) had
stop was London. On stage first was Ben Folds and his us all singing along again.
piano. Formerly front man to the American oddball piano, It was great to see Ben Folds back in the
bass and drums trio Ben Folds Five, this tour has been UK. Hopefully we won’t have to wait so
Ben’s first visit to the UK in a long time. And London long next time. In the meantime the release
was ready and waiting for him. The anticipation was of ‘Ben Folds Live’ this week will have to
obvious when entering the Shepherd’s Bush Empire, and fill the void.
reaching the front of the crowd was hard work. The show The newly stripped-down Divine Comedy
started with ‘One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces’ gave a fine performance in Neil Hannon’s words: anna wheeler | photos: chris hunter
to rapturous appreciation from a crowd consisting mainly “favourite venue in the world”. The band
of Ben Folds fans, desperate to see their man again. But certainly has a history with the Shepherd’s Bush Empire voiced by them both with Neil telling us how “f**king
soon the whole audience was involved in an impromptu and this was one of the better performances it has seen. As cool” it was to be touring with Ben, who came on to play
singalong to Oasis’ ‘Champagne Supernova’ in response to the band isn’t touring to promote an album, they were able drums on the rare outing of ‘Bernice Bobs Her Hair’. ‘The
a heckler. to relax and enjoy themselves. Neil didn’t even seem as Dogs And The Horses’ blended into the traditional last
The sound did lack Ben’s old band mates on certain pissed as usual! The band played a set consisting of songs song ‘Tonight We Fly’ and with a perfect end to a Divine
tracks, but Ben made up for this admirably by getting the from all of their albums, especially ‘Casanova’ and the Comedy show, Neil and co. were gone.
crowed to fill in on harmonies, as well as sax and trumpet first (and arguably best) DC album ‘Promenade’, as well But not for long as a few minutes later, Neil reappeared
on a triumphant ‘Army’. The set was a laid back, good- as a few new compositions. ‘National Express’ came and with Ben, building up intense excitement for those of us
natured affair, with Ben Folds on good form, and Neil went early on, and was completely overshadowed by the who are fans of both performers. This was the highlight
fabulous ‘Frog Princess’ (“about a crazy French woman”) of the evening for me as it was a chance to see the
played straight afterwards. unusual. The two stars duetted on each other’s songs, with
The DC have sublime and ridiculous moments, both of Ben starting out singing the DC’s ‘Your Daddy’s Car’.
which were on show tonight. There was another outing The pair sound great together with Neil’s dulcet tones
for the absurd, but fairly amusing new song ‘Happy Goth’ complementing Ben’s smooth North Carolina lilt perfectly.
(“she wears Dr. Martens and a heavy cross, but on the Neil singing Ben Folds Five’s ‘Brick’ sounded even more
inside, she’s a happy goth”). We were even treated to heartbreaking than usual with Neil on vocal duties. A
‘Woman Of The World’ from ‘Casanova’ and the hilarious cover of ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ and a
‘A Drinking Song’, both of which aren’t usual set list Flaming Lips song, and the “action packed evening of live
favourites, and both of which are a mile away from the entertainment” that Neil had earlier promised us, was over.
heartfelt tranquillity of ‘Sunrise’ and ‘Eye Of The Needle’. I doubt Shepherd’s Bush will see a show like this again.
The respect and admiration between the two artists was Truly unique.

Someone Else | bugfly | libellous ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF

A weird-ass underwater guitar sound brave captain | wichita recordings
introduces us to a quiet vocal, which is Right brace yourself, Martin Carr, A.K.A. Brave Captain and formerly of the Boo Radleys,
all a bit deceiving really. The tempo is has ditched his guitar for a lap top and has been listening to the likes of Squarepusher
raised a notch a two before coming straight and Aphex Twin. Ooooh, I hear you all cry. I bet you can’t wait for the result. Well as
back down again to the underwater thing you may have guessed, Advertisements for Myself is 19 tracks of boring, unimaginative
– like a not too scary horror film with the drivel which is more Babylon Zoo than Squarepusher and Aphex Twin. The highlights of
tension being built and then dropped to crappness include ‘dive’, which certainly does take matters to a new level. Sounding like
order. The Bugfly sound is simple with he was trying to figure out how to use his new computer, it certainly is experimental. But
no fancy production tricks we’ve got the watching a baby learn how to walk although funny, is never going to be a graceful thing.
singer and a rather anonymous backing There are some good moments on this album and ironically for the Brave Captain, these
band – fortunately this works out ok. Singer are when he picks up the guitar. ‘This weight that you have found’ could easily have found
sounds like Gaz Coombes from Supergrass. its way onto any Mercury Rev album. Martin Carr was apparently striving for something
seven unique with this album. Original it is, but there is a good reason why no one has done it
words and interrogation: alex read before. three | sr
Due to play at the now fortnightly Live night in the Student Union on the 15 October
I thought it best to find out a little more about up and coming and thoroughly decent
punksters Bugfly – here’s a phone interview, check it out. Bugfly are based in London their MOMENTUM
musical influences include Hole, Garbage and a number of other less obvious punk bands. toby mac | forefront
I managed to get hold of current single ‘Someone Else’ before chatting to guitarist Scott ‘Momentum’ is Toby Mac’s debut solo
from the band. Bugfly currently juggle music and work with a major bias towards music. album. The former DC Talk main man has
I asked Scott about life and music, his response was enthusiastic on both counts “we’re really excelled himself in his first material
really into the band at the moment, we’re working with a new label libellous Records who apart from the Christian band. It brings
have the same attitude as us in really wanting to make it”. A busy schedule sees the band together a mixture of hip-hop and rock
play most weekends in a range of venues mainly in London. They have a single/ep out at with some hints of reggae and gospel. Each
the moment which they are very kindly giving away free to any interested parties check song is fresh and new and bring something
www.bugfly.co.uk. Outside of music Scott’s into all the usual shit i.e. “everything really different to the album. With one song
football, sex, drugs and all that you know same stuff as everyone”. A recent appearance made up of samples of his daughters voice
on the Mosely Shoals TV show to which I must confess I know very little about resulted and one made entirely of an electronic
in “a huge response from all sorts of people, everything was really positive and we’ve had voice (the same Radiohead use in ‘Filter
a lot of interest”. The rest of the band is made up of an Australian Patrick picked up on Happier’) Toby Mckeehan tries to do things
his travels (keen for the band to succeed, as his work permit runs out soon!) and former slightly different. It is an exciting collection
student now fitness instructor/singer Patti, check her out apparently she’s hot. Scott used of racing songs and chilled out hip-hop
to work in computers before making the switch to music – a choice I can appreciate as a and worth some commercial success the
computing student myself! Anyway I’ll be there on the fifteen and you should be too. In same way bands such as POD have had.
conclusion Scott and Bugfly are a thoroughly decent band/group of people I wish them the Christianity aside, this is an outstanding
best with the demos they’re currently working on. album eight
10 October 2002 ARTS 23

Martin Grech: raw talent at its very best

MARTIN GRECH There has been a lot written and said of late about this young man from Aylesbury;
main union | Tuesday 1st October catapulted to notoriety through the usually dubious means of a lucrative television
advertising campaign and the admittedly startling piece of music that is Open Heart Zoo,
With an album described as “remarkable” by the title track of his debut album, he is now getting the chance to defy any criticisms that
The Times, you know it’s not just the fans who could conceivably be levelled at him. Tonight’s set in front of an unusually busy Union
think Martin Grech is something special. serves to allow the 19-year old Grech to convincingly despatch any of these with skill and
words: kathryn beresford aplomb. words: mike field
The arrival of his UK tour at USSU signalled Visually akin to Julian Casablancas and summoning all the stage presence, he plays a
a big night for LIVE with a crowd to match. A uniquely diverse and varied selection of truly beautiful songs; when the inevitable cheer
queue at the door AND at the bar is something arrives to commence his celebratory performance of OHZ, it is one of sheer encouragement
we should see more often at LIVE. and adulation from a crowd totally in awe of a remarkable talent, and not the apologetic
The night opened with Andy, of FINe and highlight amongst otherwise mediocre detritus some feared it could be. The dizzying
dANDY fame, who stepped in at the last beauty of Only One Listening contrasts but yet compliments the raw, visceral Dali and
minute to fill in for the original support who Notorious, and whilst comparisons with the vocals of Thom Yorke circa Amnesiac are at
couldn’t make it on the day. His unique Geordie tones filled the union with acoustic covers times unavoidable, most evident on Push and the brooding, atmospherically laden Twin,
of tracks by REM as well as a few of his own numbers. one thing that is clear is that Grech has ideas of his own. Never afraid to experiment
Gin Panic, the main support, are a five piece indie-rock collective from Camden whose with intricately interwoven samples, operatics and lush string arrangements, he must
influences include Radiohead, Muse and Bjork. Performing songs like “Debris” and “The remain blameless for merely happening to grow up in an era spawning albums such as
Bond Song”; lead singer Alex fronts the band with a great vocal talent. The strong backing The Bends, and instead attract praise for taking inspiration and developing a sound from
from the rest of the band gave an overall act which couldn’t fail to impress. records as good as that seminal masterpiece of emotion and misery. Tonight Martin
There’s not much to say about the main act of the night, except that most sensible people Grech is in total power; not a note is misplaced, an astonishing feat considering the sheer
should be extremely jealous of his raw talent. At just 19 years old, Martin Grech is making a melodic complexity of some of the vocals. His band, none of whom look older than my
name for himself all over the UK – most notably featuring in the new Lexus TV commercial comparatively ancient 20-year old self, clearly share his visions and create an awesome
with the title track from his album “Open Heart Zoo”. sound punctuated by some extraordinary chord sequences, even succeeding in making the
With a flourishing and attention-grabbing stage presence, his hypnotic aura and awe inspiring discordant sound pleasing. His tender, vulnerable voice has an ethereal quality as it floats
angelic voice kept the audience enthralled from one track to the next. Both those who have and drifts hazily through the complex accompanying sheen his band conjures. This is music
heard the album and those who are new to Martin Grech had the chance to experience live to melt candles.
music at its best. Martin’s superb voice and captivating character are encompassed in a It is tempting to dig out the vintage port usually reserved for special occasions. And
young and talented musician who has already come a long way but has potential to go so tonight, the 250 or so people here have witnessed something that can truly deserve that
much further. A brilliant night, without a doubt! rarest of accolades; that of genuine brilliance. Music and performances like this deserve the
LIVE will be back in Week 6 (Tuesday October 15th) with music from Bugfly and The storm of attention they provoke.
Candyheads. Don’t miss out.
For more information about the LIVE society, check out the website at www.livesoc.com

or email us at livesoc@surrey.ac.uk to join the mailing list

Theatre My goodness you all wanted the clothes didn’t you? Well, there can only be one winner
and that is Mr Jigyasu Yadav, so well done. Special mention goes to Peter Heaton who
porvided the following answer:
Gilbert Harding. What comes to mind
What is the topman website? The website is an information page written in HTML and
when one hears ofthis name. For some,
displayed on the world wide web at the address www.topman.co.uk. It serves as means,
the name will be insignificant. But for
alongside emails, of informing the company’s clients, who have access to the internet,
those who still remember, Gilbert Harding
of latest fashion lines in the Topman range. It also acts as a great way of wasting your
was one of the largest and most popular
company’s time and internet resources while on placement. Additionally it is a distraction
television personalities of the 1950s one
from impending essay and dissertation deadlines. Vive la internet.
of the first ‘celebrities’ in England. As
So well done with that.
well as being a broadcaster and columnist,
he is perhaps best remembered as the
This week’s prizes are 2 toploader albums and a Massive Attack dvd. I appreciate entirely
outspoken and witty panellist from the long
if you do not want to win, therefore, because of the presence of Toploader in there, but
running game show ‘What’s My Line?’ His
never mind. The question is this: if you were accosted by a group of sumo wrestlers, is the
individualistic and open views have also words: sara li
best description of said event
earned him the title as being ‘the rudest Midgely, is so enchanting, that somehow,
a) a small incident
man in Britain’. Based on the original he manages to steal most of the show. With
b) a massive attack
memoirs of Harding’s private secretary, so many scenery changes, it was obvious
c) a minor disturbance?
Leonard Preston’s new play explores the that the relatively simple set was deliberate.
Answers to barefacts@ussu.co.uk. My girlfriend’s decision is final (and thanks to Jimbo
private man behind the big public persona,- However, the changing of the scenes was
for the question...good one).
following the journey of a man who far from efficient therefore spoiling the
gradually becomes emotionally crippled dramatic flow of the piece.
by the effects of fame, and also having to The play emits a certain powerful
cope as a homosexual at a time when it was
illegal to be so.
intensity, probably created by the final
realisation that Gilbert Harding is actually Theatre preview
Despite the seemingly gloomy themes, a product of the dark and brutal, oppressive
the play has been directed in such a way society in 1950s England. As the play 1773: London’s Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. The crowd is getting restless. The leading
that you actually find yourself laughing draws to a close after the death of Harding, man’s unconscious. But the show must go on. What do you do?
throughout most of it. Perhaps it is the way one is perhaps left with not the feeling The Yvonne Arnaud Theatre pays host next week to the World Premiere performance of the
they exploit the observations of human of admiration for a much celebrated hilarious new play, ‘A Laughing Matter’. Set backstage at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane,
behaviour, or even the prudish attitudes of personality, but only compassion for a the play tells the story of the 18th century’s best-known theatre manager David Garrick and
the society then, - but this play certainly fellow human being. friends, Dr Johnson and Oliver Goldsmith, as they attempt to stage a ‘risky’ new play She
brings the audience giggling all the way ‘Goodbye Gilbert Harding’ is showing at Stoops to Conquer. The play is presented by the highly praised ‘Out of Joint’, a national
through. Performances from the leads the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre until Saturday. and international touring company, who are dedicated to staging new writing. The play
are outstanding, particularly Edward Ticket Prices: £11-£23.50 (Student standby premieres in Guildford’s own playhouse prior to appearing at the Royal National Theatre.
Woodard, who is perfect for the complex tickets and other concessions: £7) For ‘A Laughing Matter’ runs from Thursday 17th October to Saturday 19th October
and challenging role of Harding. Jonathan further information, please telephone (matinee), with student tickets a snip at £7. Tickets are available from the box office tel.
Cullen’s portrayal of the secretary, Robert 01483 44000 01483 440000. words: rachael bemrose
24 INTERACTIVE 10 October 2002

X WORD £100: what name is given to people who fish with rod and line as a hobby?
a: anglers | b: danglers | c: dinglers | d: bunglers
The ‘x’ in the title does not refer to anything rude or any sort of “the
truth is out there somewhere” rubbish
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
£200: at what weight did Frank Bruno win a boxing world championship title?
a: middleweight | b: cruiserweight | c: light-heavyweight | d: heavyweight

£300: which classical serial starred Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews?
a: jewel in the crown | b: the far pavillions | c: brideshead revisited | d:

£500: in which city is the National Rail Museum?

a: birmingham | b: glasgow | c: york | d: swansea

£1k: Thomas Sopwith was famous for designing which type of vehicle?
a: aeroplane | b: hovercraft | c: motorcycle | d: train

£2k: the Franciscan order was founded by Saint Francis of where?

a: naples | b: verona | c: padua | d: assisi

£4k: which actor played eight different parts in the film “Kind Hearts and Coronets”?
a: laurence olivier | b: john gielgud | c: peter sellers | d: alec guiness

£8k: in which country did the impressionist art movement begin?

a: great britain | b: italy | c: france | d: the netherlands

£16k: which saint was the first Archbishop of Canterbury?

a: peter | b: alban | c: augustine | d: george

across down £32k: who invented the spinning jenny?

1. shaped [7] 1. handle [5] a: richard arkwright | b: james hargreaves | c: james watt | d: samuel crompton
5. more despicable [5] 2. bombastic [7]
8. run away together [5] 3. area of grass [5] £64k: which of these dances originated in Poland?
9. occupy fully [7] 4. singing voice [6] a: waltz | b: mazurka | c: polka | d: jive
10. by day [7] 5. drifter [7]
11. scene of action [5] 6. slack [5] £125k: which poison is obtained from wolf’s-bane?
12. short stretch of track [6] 7. reaffirm [7] a: strychnine | b: aconite | c: curare | d: cyanide
14. futile [6] 12. short spells of rain [7]
17. type of window [5] 13. cancel out [7] £250k: according to the Old Testament, who was the wife of Abraham and the mother of
19. austere [7] 15. easily defeat [7] Isaac?
22. self-centredness [7] 16. heat [6] a: ruth | b: miriam | c: naomi | d: sarah
23. beauty [5] 18. golf clubs [5]
24. effeminate [5] 20. clique of intriguers [5] £500k: what is the name of the highest waterfall in North America?
25. kingfisher [7] 21. pure [5] a: niagara | b: horseshoe | c: yosemite | d: ribbon
Does anyone think this is hard? If so, may I recommend getting a dictionary and a thesau- £1m: what name is given to an inhabitant of the city of Sydney?
rus and just cheating. The answers are just over the page... a: sydneysider | b: sydovian | c: sydneyphile | d: sydite

Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Becky Jago:

I don’t know if you remember last week, but I wasn’t exactly over-chuffed because a
phone call I was supposed to have wasn’t as much fun as I was hoping...well, just in case GORGEOUS
you were wondering, the person phoned me back just afterwards and everything was
much better – they were all excited to talk to me and were a little less distracted. Which
was nice. Made me feel an incy-wincy bit better anyway. Still didn’t stop me putting
Radiohead on the stereo, though.

1. “Where troubles melt like lemon drops” barefacts@ussu.co.uk

2. “And the moon is the only light we’ll see”
3. “I can’t seem to face up to the facts”
4. “I’m not a trendy asshole – I do what I want”
5. “I said I didn’t like the way he got things done”
6. “We’re a rubbish band and we hope you don’t buy our albums, or our singles. In fact we if you have any suggestions for top totty, then send them in. Newsround rocks!
hope you buy nothing to do with us whatsoever, forever and ever. Amen”
7. “Bang Bang club – AK 47 hour”
8. “Snappin’ her fingers and shufflin’ her feet”
9. “Through constant pain, disgrace – the new boy learns their rules”
10. “Isn’t she lovely – this Hollywood girl”

You will also recall that last week I was asking if anyone actually liked the lyrics quiz
anymore and sure enough: they do! Hurrah! Now - this puts us in a difficult position,
because I said that I would put pictures of attractive people here if no-one wrote in. I think Lizo:
we were all secretly hoping that no-one would write in, but someone spoiled it.
Fear not, though, for we will simply inculde both the lyrics quiz and pictures of RAUNCHY
attractive people. This week, after a recommendation from a very good friend and
reputable connoissieur, the highlighted totty will come from that great supplier of physical
gorgeousness: Newsround. See right...
10 October 2002 COMMUNICATE 25
What is in a word that makes it fundamentally great?

J - team j-team.biz letters, depending on how good they sound and how commonly they are used. This as you

j-team.biz j-team.biz
can imagine is a huge area of debate itself, and this is only my humble ranting. So here we
go! Any word with a Q or a X are going to be good, aren’t they? In the same way, any word
using more common letters such as D or T are going to be less thrilling. The table below is
how I see the letter class system, argue with it at your own will.
Just because a letter is in a certain class, it doesn’t mean it is not useful in making words.
For example, letters that are used more than once throughout a word are good. Also the
use of combining letters from different classes, in the same word, is particularly useful.
Something that you will all agree with is how good the use of double letters is. Doubles
such as BB, DD, LL, MM, NN, PP, RR, SS, TT all turn regular letters into something
special. However memorable the start of a word is (usually due to the letter used to start it),
end of words are incredibly important. The use of ED and ER are common, but how about
CK – ends the word with a lighter more comic sound!
I bet you have all been wondering where vowels fit into this mad debate. A, E, I, O and U
are the skeleton of any word (again with exception of a few silly words such as sky). Every
word has a vowel, so what is the best vowel? I am a strong believer of the reverse alphabet
rule. U being the best and A being the most bland (Lots of arguments start here, but I
believe the way that you can have EE or OO puts E and O them above A).
There we have letter structures; but as a final thought, how does the length of the word
words: Mr Tea with assistance from Judge Mental affect its goodness? I am of the strong opinion that short and long words are good, and
medium length words are more boring! I think it comes down to the number of syllables.
When asked to write a column in barefacts I assumed that I would write about the life
One-syllable words are fun. If words are two or more syllables it depends on (bare with
of the J-Team and/or the life of myself. So far I have written purely about the J-Team as
me) what letter the second syllable starts with. This is because of pronunciation and how
a whole. I’m going to rectify that right now and write about something that has always
good the word sounds.
played on my mind. So here it is: What makes a good word? Now, although this has often
Lots of how much you like a word, comes down to what the word means or what you
played on my mind, it was brought back to my attention during the summer. Those who
relate it to. Happy words are going to give you happy thoughts and therefore you will like
know me, will know that during the summer I vacate down to Devon for a few weeks. The
them. The opposite can be said of sad words. On that piece of obvious banter I will leave
journey from Guildford to Devon is a long one, and after a dull trip down the way back
you, although I could go on all day. Feel free to email me your viewpoint at mr.tea@j-
needed to be a lot more enjoyable. Therefore what other conversation could fill a five hour
team.biz but also discuss with the people around you, what they think makes a good word!
journey?! I will try to portray all the best bits for you, in a few hundred words!
Oh, by the way, my favourite word at the moment is DUCK. Feel free to analyse.
All words, as I am very sure you have recognised by now, are made up of different bits.
Firstly, they are made up of letters – both consonants and vowels (well 99% have vowels The J-Team Classic every Thursday | 7-10pm
anyway). One of the major points I am going to give is to make a good word 1st Class 2nd Class 3rd Class 4th Class
you need to use good letters. In my mind there is an unofficial class system for Q,V,W,X,Y,Z F,G,H,J,K B,C,M,P D,L,N,R,S,T

the.net bringing you the randomness from cyberspace

words: chris “funkyberry” hunter
Sorry, but this week’s the.net is rather mathsy/scientificy/geeky… but
then again, we do go to a kinda sciencyish university… But don’t
worry, next week I’ll do something about flowers…
I am not totally obsessed by Lego, but for all you Escher fans, type
this link www.lipsons.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/escher/ascending.html
(I apologise for its length). These guys re-create Escher pictures out of
Lego. Sometimes they use a bit of image manipulation to help
achieve the results, but the results they achieve I think you will
agree, are quite effective!
I’m quite into minimalism, and the office I worked in was (I
thought) quite a minimalist office environment… After seeing
www.aaschool.ac.uk/antennaa/workweb I realise that our office
was about as minimalist as an overfilled landfill site! Got a cramped office? Then walk out
to the nearest pavement, chalk out the floor plan of your office, sit on your chair, take out
your laptop, and start work!
A Twinkie is an American food thing that is basically a “Golden Sponge Cake with
Creamy Filling”. I think most people are content to eat them, but there are a few
“scientists” that would rather conduct experiments on them. www.twinkiesproject.com
reports the results of various experiments on them, including: radiation tests, gravitational
response tests, a rapid oxidation test, and a Turing test. This will amuse you for a few
This last website will only appeal to a very small number of people, the kind of people
that play online 1st person perspective games, and who are quite into computing, and who
quite possibly started their internet lives on IRC, and who have seen every Star Wars
movie. www.whiterose.net/~assembly/sw/sw.html shows loads of screenshots from Star
Wars, with amusing captions. DISCLAIMER: If you are looking at this site, and you are
not one of the people I described above, then you may not find this very funny!
26 STARS & PERSONALS 10 October 2002

Virgo Aries
I’m getting really worried about ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I really
don’t know what to say to you.
the way you are neglecting your
mobile phone these days. You words and predicting: Susie Jenkins [powered Cocodamol] The way you’ve behaved this
know its starting to get cold at night, but you week, I really am struggling to talk about it
still haven’t bought it a sleeping bag. You cruel person. Libra without shouting. Going to all your lectures, giving in all
Honestly, its always there for you when you need it most You haven’t worn a single silly hat all week. I your coursework, in bed by 10 every night. What the hell’s
(except when the battery dies of course), always ready warned you that we would track you down. And going on with you? Are you mad? This isn’t how students
to send that vital message to the special person in your we will. Just not this week because the ghost of Twyford should behave. I despair.
life (again, battery permitting) and what do you do to it C has gone on holiday to Thailand and won’t be back for
almost every night of the week? You shove a charger up ages. Taurus
its backside, charming, I know. Just charming. And while You Taureans are supposed to be really, really
we’re on the subject, I seem to get the feeling that the TV is Aquarius cool. So why have you been walking around
feeling a little neglected too. No-one’s turned it on for ages. Your character will take a turn for the worse campus all week wearing decidedly crappy
Anyone would have thought you have work to do. come mid week as you find yourself being Bermuda shorts? It not funny you know. Do I sound as
undeniably rude to every person you see (all to though I find this funny?
Scorpio do with Mars and Venus getting in eachother’s way again). You will find yourself the brunt of all the jokes at comedy
After the unfortunate traffic cone on head What’s got into you? But don’t worry too much, there is night on Tuesday. I feel for you. I really do.
incident last Friday, your weekend will be the hope for you at the union this Friday. Take this advice: tall
ultimate in coolness. However, don’t sit around dark handsome men don’t mind harsh words. So fire away Leo
waiting for things to happen, or you may inadvertently and make yourself feel tonnes better. Climbing up trees whilst drunk is not advisable
fall asleep and only wake up five minutes before Monday for the simple reason that what goes up must
morning lectures. Despite what you may think, there are Capricorn come down. After a painful landing in a rose
only 7 days to a week. But the 24 hours between Thursday If you are male, you are a severe threat to bush, pulling the thorns out of your bum and continuing
evening and Friday evening will feel somewhat shorter public health as there is a massive drop in your your drunken journey home you awake the next morning
than you had hoped, after discovering an assignment you testosterone levels on Tuesday (male PMT, to find yourself in LTE and a 9am lecture on chemical
completely forgot about (phoning your friends in a panic nothing to do with Mars or Venus whatsoever.) Feel free to modelling has just begun. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
won’t help, they gave it in weeks ago). Don’t let this put take advantage of all your male friends, its payback time.
you off, it’s only 3000 words. You have a whole hour till Gemini
the deadline. GO! Pisces Hurrah! This week is going to be fantastic for
Clearly you have no common sense at all. When you. All this week you will feel confident, sexy
Sagittarius I mentioned something about a fume cupboard and in control of every aspect of your life.
Your horoscope last week was rubbish, my last week I didn’t mean spend all week in there. Going out in the evenings you are going to be the coolest
sincerest apologies. Do something to inspire me The fumes have done you no good at all. Better do a detox and well-dressed party animal Guildford has ever seen.
then! I know you have an unhealthy obsession this weekend (alcohol detox that is). Hope you recover in In lectures you shall ask such inspired questions that your
with films, but staring slightly dazed a the back of a DVD time for next week’s horoscope. lecturers show slight signs of respect to you. But sadly on
for hours on end won’t get you anywhere, and despite what Friday you get horribly drunk and somebody puts a picture
you may think, won’t help me write you an interesting Cancer of you being violently sick on the Internet for the whole
and informative horoscope. Try taking some time out to On Friday you will awake at 3 in the morning world to see. You win some, you lose some.
wax your legs or something equally fun. It would provide after a highly disturbing dream involving a
entertainment for your friends anyway (anything to take hamster and the local A & E department. Need I do you like your stars? e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk
their minds off sex). say more? and let us know. just a quick note otherwise: you all
seem to have let yourselves slip somewhat with the
personals. come on - don’t let yourselves down...

pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb one boiled egg According to Neil on Thursday night,

he “can’t get his f*cking leg over”....
Bashful - You keep on promising but well, we have evidence to the contrary...!

LADYMEAD where is my cup of tea? By the way you

have a lovely arse! x 5 under par in “impossible pub golf” -
Martyn, we’re impressed! (but how did
RETAIL PARK Rhys - just so you know,
you live in Hazel Farm Personals Friday night go...?!)

- so stop bothering all I am a survivor, you

those poor girls late at night on campus. bastards!
(WHO MUST BE OVER 16) Tim, Tim, nice but trim- Have you Who needs a foam party? Speirs 2 on a
managed to get the grass stains out Sunday night does the job just as well!
to work Are all Butterworths cone stealers?!
Lee- Seen any attractive bottles
recently??? Apparently all Jeremy’s “have curly
FULL TIME | PART TIME | WEEKENDS | EVENINGS hair and are really nice” - well, there’s
Jen and Alex- You are the masterchefs always an exception to the rule!! ;o)
of UniS- Ta for the fantastic meal!!
From Bearded neck available: come stroke me
* Hours to suit * Full Job Training
your adoring fans!
* Free Meals * Management Opportunities Rawson 2 seem to have gained a USSU
* Free Parking Eaney meaney miney mo, sign from Freshers’ Week..... I’m
TinkyWinky, Lala, Po, sure there’s a name for this sort of
If Dipsy hollers, let him go, behaviour!
Eaney meaney miney

£4.50 per hour

mo. Roast Dinner Soc, here we come...

Look, it’s kermit...... no, it’s Paul! Honest Bens Evil Fish!!

Call Kyle on [01483] 539822 0r [07904] 389413 Ian to Wrighty: “Just ram it in there a
bit harder
buddy boy

10 October 2002

A tale of banking woe aught

Just the one photo this week - but it’s the best so far. The story
goes that a girl lost her camera, found it again, had the film
developed and found this in the pictures: such is life.

Ahh acceptance at a prestigious English By Michael Sealey

University, finances in place, Resignation
handed in to my employers, finances subject to this rule since I would hardly

in place, airline ticket in hand, but halt imagine any student coming to the UK 12
somewhere to put my living expense money months in advance of pursuing any course

until needed. of education, but at this point with the veins
No problem being the excellent customer in her neck starting to swell, she cut me off
that I was with an international British
based bank in my homeland of Barbados,
by stating flatly that those were the rules
and that was the end of the conversation. E
I was more than happy that with a good
letter of reference from my existing bank,
Feeling a sense of desperation now, I
again explained my status in the country as R
as well as a letter stating my bank balance
with them, it would only be a matter of
an international student, and that I had all
the necessary references from my British A
formality to open a bank account with one based bank in Barbados which incidentally
of Britain’s leading banking institutions in carried the same name as her bank. At this I was forced to get the original acceptance as a student which was a flexible savings
the UK. time the representative made no attempt letter since my copy of the document could account complete with an ATM card that
Big mistake indeed, I visited the banking to hide how irritated she was with me, not be accepted as legal by the bank. I allowed me to do everything that I could
institution in the Hounslow district of and having long since closed her mind to then proceeded to make the request for the do at a regular teller. The end result is that I
Middlesex and there was a considerable any form of reason, and clearly trying to original acceptance letter, which I received left this smaller but much more professional
queue awaiting customer service, so I get me away from her desk, my sense of in about three days from the University of institution with an account to which I had
took a number, 98 to be exact, and since professionalism with this customer service Surrey in Guildford. I then returned to the deposited my expense money for school.
they were at number 78 progressing at impostor was also starting to wane. Twickenham branch of this leading banking My summation on this sad state of
snail’s pace, I proceeded to go shopping or The last straw occurred when I decided institution as I was advised that I could affairs is that many international students
browsing to be more precise since the area out of sheer frustration to simply try and return to any branch with the documents
is full of shops offering everything from change my money order drawn up by my and the completed application forms. This
the greengrocers, the catalogue shops right bank in Barbados, and can you imagine choice of branch chosen based on the
up to fine clothing stores like Marks and her response was that she did not know if fact that I was not keen to go through the
Spencers. the bank would honour my money order lengthy wait experienced for service on the
One and a half hours later I returned to paid for with my personal funds from my first occasion in Hounslow. This time I saw
the bank and they were at number 88, well a representative in about 45 minutes, who
I certainly couldn’t risk losing my spot, so was extremely pleasant as she looked over
I determined that I would wait in the bank all my documents and said that everything
for my number. During this time no less was in order, Success at last? I think not as
than ten customers came into the customer she also added that since the University of
service area, and left the bank grumbling in Surrey was located in Guildford, I would
frustration about the slow rate of customer have to go to the Guildford branch to open
service. the account.
Finally some form of hope came As you can imagine, I had enough at this could leave the country with a very bad
when a young female customer service stage, and I felt quite proud of myself, conception of the UK banking system,
representative seemed to have finally arisen when instead of two good bajan this and but it really is a case of big fish banks
from a deep slumber, as she walked around that’s, I said thank you and left a bank that practising poor customer service and not
the customer area loudly proclaiming that has shown me that not only does it not care even bothering about the consequences.
anyone with quick business could be seen about customer loyalty but it seems as if the What was a student in a foreign country
now. This stroke of action prompted by general attitude was you have to beg us to supposed to do with his living expense
the fact that the numbering system had not savings account with my British based bank take your money. money, keep it in a mattress, dig a hole and
progressed further than number 92 in the in the Caribbean, but I could try my luck at Scenario number two, after I left the mark it with an X, or keep it in his pocket
last 45 minutes. the foreign exchange window. Twickenham branch of this leading bank and walk around like the mafia or a drug
Well after sitting for so long not In utter disgust I left that poor impostor in dismay, I headed less than 40 yards dealer? Imagine the consequences for my
considering my time spent browsing the for a customer service representative who away to a Savings and Loan institution British based bank in the Caribbean since
shops of Hounslow, I certainly intended seemed to be unfamiliar with a simple offering the same full range of services I no longer feel any sense of loyalty to this
to be seen, hence I strolled over to the Money Order and went to the foreign as the larger financial institution. There bank who does not give two hairs about
representative who seemed more intent on exchange window where fortunately the were no incredibly long queues, and I saw what sort of customer I am or was to a bank
getting rid of customers from the hall than teller was very friendly, and I must admit a customer service representative in less bearing the same brand name in another
on actually being useful, and quickly stated she changed my money order without a than 5 minutes. This representative was the country, even if they were very distant
that I simply wanted to open an account, question. I then asked this helpful young nicest soul you could hope to meet in any cousins.
and that it should be a fairly speedy lady to call the Manager of the branch, customer oriented job. She explained that My word of advice to all international
transaction since I felt that I was armed which she willingly did after I explained she was new to the job and that she might students coming to London and needing
with all the documentation that would be the challenges which I had just been forced have to seek assistance from her immediate to do any type of financial transactions,
required. Ha ha ha talk about naïve; the to go through. supervisor occasionally. don’t choose these larger big fish banks.
representative proceeded to play a game After a 15 minute wait the Manager I presented my documents to the Coincidentally the September 1st edition of
of “get rid of the nuisance as soon as appeared and after complaining bitterly young lady, my status in the country, the Daily Mail published an article about a
possible” with me. about the customer representative’s attitude, which was that of a self funded student study conducted around customer service in
I was treated to a dose of the most the Manager apologized and promised and WOW!!!!!!!! Major difference the banks in the UK. Guess what the big four
disgusting impersonation of customer to speak to the representative about her representative recommended what would fell at the bottom of the heap, and I can
service possible. The young lady was approach to her job. I was then given more have been the best account that I could get well imagine you fully understand why.
extremely cold and unfriendly, as she information about the bank’s procedures
methodically chose to dismiss me quickly as the Manager quickly acknowledged Would you rather have the answers in the same week’s barefacts or the week after? Let us
by saying that to set up a new account that the bank did in fact offer a student know: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
unforgiven” 10. Britney Spears – “lucky” *not actually a real song. Although it probably should be.
would take too long and could not be solutions account geared specifically for Toploader – “we’re crap” * 7. Manic Street Preachers – “kevin carter” 8. Manfred Mann – “doo wah diddy” 9. Metallica – “the

finished that day, when I further explained people like me. A quick examination of my 3. Talking Heads – “psycho killer” 4. The Offspring – “smash” 5. Burt Bacharach – “raindrops keep falling on my head” 6.
| 18. irons | 20. cabal | 21. clean Lyrics Quiz: 1. Judy Garland – “somewhere over the rainbow” 2. Ben E King – “stand by me”
that I was a student who had just moved documents and I was advised that I would down: 1. wield | 2. orotund | 3. green | 4. treble | 5. vagrant | 6. loose | 7. restate | 12. showers | 13. nullify | 15. outplay | 16. warmth
to the UK she said that I could not get need an original acceptance letter from the engross | 10. diurnal | 11. arena | 12. siding | 14. otiose | 17. oriel | 19. ascetic | 22. egotism | 23. belle | 24. sissy | 25. halcyon

University, since everything else including

oral | 11. allocate | 12. approximately | 15. straight | 17. opus across: 1. merry | 4. toacross: 1. wrought | 5. viler | 8. elope | 9.
an account as I was not in the UK for 12 [£32k: b]; [£64k: b]; [£125k: b]; [£250k: d]; [£500k: c]; [£1m: a]. Xword: across: 1. shore | 4. tall | 8. minicab | 9. peach | 10.
months full stop. I attempted to outline that my passport, proof of address in the UK, WWTBEAM: [£100: a]; [£200: d]; [£300: c]; [£500: c]; [£1k: a]; [£2k: d]; [£4k: d]; [£8k: c]; [£16k: c];

an international student could not be proof of address in Barbados were in order. Upside-Down Answers
28 STUFF 10 October 2002

People have been coming up to me all week saying that last week’s location was too easy.
I know it was easy, but I didn’t want to do anything too hard for the first one! This weeks
one I have made quite a bit harder, and I bet you can’t guess where it is (unless you saw it
on my website!?).

- funkyberry -
New Feature!!
New Feature!!

what do you think to eye-spy? let us know: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give

a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…

words: a nonny mouse RIGHT THEN. Week 5 now I think? My cacti ONE THING I’ve learnt this week is that
have taken well to their re-potting, and I dustbin lorries are EVIL! Whose idea was
have just purchased another Venus flytrap. it to have the biggest and noisiest lorry
I did have one, and I constantly had to tell on earth coming to empty the Battersea
people to stop putting their fingers in the Court bins (which are, incidentally, almost
traps to watch them shut. Now why do directly outside my window) at 7am on
people do that? I don’t go round sticking Thursday and Saturday mornings – after
my hand in their mouths to see how they the two biggest Union nights of the week!!
eat things! Leave them alone! If you want If it had been a couple of hours earlier, I
to see how they eat, then catch a daddy wouldn’t have minded so much – at that
longlegs or a fly or something and feed it to time I’d probably have still been wide
them. Whine over. awake consuming toast and discussing
the surrey scoop I WENT to a concert on Saturday, and
how cool is it being tall at a concert?
the wrongs of the world in the Rawson 2
Unfortunately for all of you, the surrey scoop is still going strong and we are back, Well actually it’s a bit of a pain if you are THE MAJOR addiction of my friends this
revealing the highlights of the most embarrassing moments over the last week. And it’s considerate to others. I always try and stand term is turning out to be the pub quiz,
very nice to see that the threat of your worst moments being exposed to the world hasn’t right at the front, and there are always Chancellors’ Challenge (or C3) every
made any of you any more sensible! Read on to find out more… small people behind me. This means I Thursday night. After a team best of
Watch out ladies… news has reached the surrey scoop headquarters of a new ladies man kinda have to stand with one leg out, so I 3rd place in week 2, under the bizarre
around town. After a recent break-up with long-term girlfriend a highflying final year can stand slightly shorter – or perhaps side team name ‘Daddy, would you like some
Economist has been making up for lost time… and then some. His recent exploits have on. This means that by the time the main sausage?’ we’re now consistently coming
included both first and final year psychologists but we’re sure that won’t be the end of the band comes on, I have sore legs and a sore in at around 5th. However, beating our rival
matter! We will keep you updated. back, and I can’t really enjoy the band as team, Badger’s Minions, by around twenty
Did you not realise that while the cats away, the mice will play? There has been a very much. So if you are small, and you are points each week, is some consolation!
mischievous mouse in Twyford Court this week- barely staying in her own room for a behind someone like me who is trying to be After one too many pints of cider at the
whole night. Your playing has not gone unnoticed by us, but will the cat find out? We think considerate, then just don’t keep moaning last C3, Neil (the other responsible senior
so! – or I’ll just stand up fully! resident on my floor) walked into the
An incident occurred in The Drink recently involving a certain lecherous union DJ. A I really will stop whining now. wall outside our house, and much to the
prolonged period of not-so-subtle flirting resulted in a public frenzy of passion on the dance ANOTHER THING, why when I’m on the amusement of everyone in Rawson 1 and 2
floor. Unfortunately he’s not the only man in her life and she has someone else waiting for train, do I ALWAYS seem to get someone proceeded to lie down on the floor and fall
her at home. Time for the DJ man to find a new victim! sitting opposite me who is either drunk, asleep. However, he was rudely awakened
We’ve found out that a second year Management student has been keeping a big secret to anti-social, male, or objectionate to me when soaked by a glass of water thrown
herself. She can’t seem to make up her mind between two members of an ex-student band. taking photos of myself for the whole from a second floor window!
I bet she’s looking forward to the next ski trip… she’d better have made up her mind which journey?! I go sit down, act normal, people ON SUNDAY, my parents and younger sister
one to go for by then though! walk past, but no one sits down. Then JUST decided to pay Guildford a surprise visit.
It’s good to see first years getting into the spirit of things already. A major pulling before the train pulls off, and I’m thinking After a somewhat sedate afternoon, we
competition took place between two first years on Friday. There was a complicated points I’m safe, some weirdo sits down! Can’t were both a little surprised when my Mum
system which seemed to change slightly after every drink if we’re honest. We would like to they go sit in the luggage compartment or jumped out of the car in Car Park One
express our apologies to the girl who naively agreed to provide the ‘100 pointer’ at the end the toilet? Perhaps that’s where I will go sit saying “Do you think security will mind if
of the night! Poor girl didn’t know what she let herself in for! next time! I steal one of their cones?!” You know what
Remember to keep e-mailing your gossip to thesurreyscoop@hotmail.com so we can I promise not to whine next week! they say: once a student, always a student!‘
expose the truth of what is actually happening here at Surrey. chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter ickle sarah butterworth

ry made

Monica No frills, no grandiose recipes; just an attempt to get you interested and competent in cooking healthy,
exciting and affordable meals. THIS WEEK: chick chick chick chick chicken - lay a little egg for me

How did we get this far without mentioning chicken? Everyone eats chicken at least once
Poultry Paradise
per week, so lets get cracking. You’re not likely to want to go the whole hog and roast the
bloomin’ bird. It’s so easy to go for the single portion of breast, thigh, or drumstick. The CHICKEN MARYLAND
initial purchase may set you back a bit - most supermarkets sell in multiples of 4+. Make NEED: 1 tablespoon Oil | 1/2 small can sweetcorn | 2 chicken thighs (bone in skin on) | 1
the effort to shrink-wrap each portion and pop into freezer on the day you buy it and it’s tablespoon plain flour seasoned with salt and pepper | 1 egg beaten | 2 tablespoons white
ready for the next 3 meal options. breadcrumbs | 1/4 pint chicken stock | 1 banana
STAGE 1: Dip each chicken piece in flour, then egg, then roll in breadcrumbs (not
A FEW KEY POINTERS: you, the chicken!). Put chicken in baking tin with the oil and roast for 30
– Chicken should never be served pink. You must cook it thoroughly to destroy those mins. On gas mark 5, 200oC
nasty bugs. STAGE 2: 20 mins. Into cooking,peel banana, cut in half vertically and fry with knob of
– The good thing is that it doesn’t take long - 20 mins. For small pieces (diced, sliced) butter for 5 mins. At same time heat up sweetcorn in saucepan bring to boil
and 30 mins. for portions of 100gm or so. strain and serve. If you have a little cream in the fridge stir this into sweetcorn
– Once cooked chicken will keep in a fridge for 4 days or so and can be re-cooked - mixture before serving - makes a delicious sauce.
but make sure you get that core temperature to 75oC minimum. 1 hour | Serves 2
– So you don’t have to work your social calendar around your fridge stocks, better to
freeze down any left over cooked chicken - great for curries. CHICKEN CURRY
DEBONING CHICKEN THIGHS: NEED: 1 tablespoon Oil | 2 chicken thighs (deboned, skin off) | 1 onion, peeled and
– Put thigh on to cutting board skin side down. It’s roughly a triangle shape. Have a chopped | 1 clove garlic, peeled and chopped/crushed | 1 teaspoon Madras curry powder |
feel with your fingers and you will detect the bone (it looks like a doggy bone for a 1 teaspon garam masala | 1 green pepper, de-seeded & chopped | 1/2 pint chicken stock | 1
very small Chihuahua!) small pot natural yoghurt
– Take small sharp vegetable knife and make vertical slice from top to bottom, STAGE 1: Heat oil in large saucepan, medium heat, fry onion and garlic for 5min
skirting the bone. Once you can see the bone make a series of feather strokes to Add curry powder, garam masala and chopped pepper and fry for 3 mins.
expose it completely, carefully push knife blade behind bone and draw upwards to Add chicken pieces and fry for 5 mins, turning constantly.
top, away from you. Turn thigh around and repeat which should remove the bone in STAGE 2: Add stock. Bring to boil and then simmer for 35 mins. Stir occasionally to
one piece? prevent sticking.
– Failed? No matter, just hack it to death and use the pieces.! STAGE 3: Add yoghurt, stir and heat through for 5 mins.
If you need skinless thigh meat, remove the skin first: grab hold of it at one end and pull Serve with boiled rice, poppadoms and mango chutney
sharply downwards (if you can wax your legs you can skin a chicken!) 1 hour | Serves 2

The following is a very edited version of a current discussion taking place on the bb at the moment; if you would like to join in, have a look at bb.ussu.co.uk
postgrad cat: so what is YOUR philosophy of life? (apart outcome with complete certainty (knowing the movement randomness is an ideal way of giving people free will. In a
from drink, drink and more drink) Is it based on a hard of all the atoms, the air around it etc), then you’re wrong. deterministic (clockwork) universe, everything’s predefined
science perspective? Or based on faith? Or a bit of both? You can’t know with complete certainty because it’s not - no choices. In order to have a choice at any point, we’d
completely certain. The universe is random. That all pans have to be breaking the laws of physics. Not exactly
bigolslabomeat: i go for the science perspective every out to be fairly uniform and non-random at the huge scales inconspicuous. This way we get free will, God can interfere
time. All though of course science can’t explain everything at which we live, but it isn’t certainty. if he wants to and no one can prove anything because there
YET. I also believe that if there is a god, he’s having a good To annoy any scifi fan: You couldn’t possibly travel to the is a certain probability that it would have happened without
old laugh and really hates me, hence why I’m not religous. future, because it doesn’t exist. There are probable futures a god interfering anyway. Ha.
Philosophies Philosoihies Philosaphies philowotsits.......h - chances are the planet won’t up and disappear tomorrow,
mm...... have fun, be nice, don’t hurt anyone and try not to but you can’t be sure, so the future can’t be sure, so it mr p: I decided that the whole purpose of life was to
damage your liver too much can’t exist yet. Of course you can’t travel into the past enjoy it. Since I have no particular beliefs in god, and the
either. Although that’s already happened, QP means the existance of an after life seems shaky to say the least.
tris: I second that. To add to the god bit though. I’m in no universe is random by it’s nature, and random things have
way religious, and do not think a god exists (although, as no memory. If you roll a dice 5 times and get a 6 each time, bob god junior: I believe there is some force somewhere
a scientist I can’t really say “I KNOW he doesn’t exist.”. I if it’s a fair dice there’s still a 1 in 6 chance (5:1 odds) that which is called upon randomly. Sometimes it comes
just think it highly unlikely), but if he did exist I’ve always it’ll be a six, or a one or a two for that matter. The dice through, most of the time is doesn’t. However,this force
wondered just WHY we should worship it. doesn’t remember what it did before. It all averages out, but has nothing to do with God.The randomness of matter is a
in the short term you can’t predict it. So the future and the whole lot more feasable than the idea of God.
bulent: Religion? The biggest money making scam I’ve past are both inaccessible.
ever seen in my life. God? Is our life controlled by Sorry about the paradigm killing guys, but physics has rich w: reminds me of a quote: the worst moment for an
anyone? Nope...We control our own destiny. moved on since Star Trek: The Original Series. atheist is when he feels grateful and has no-one to thank.
So to (finally) get back to the topic: I’m a Christian, and a frankly, sometimes i think all of this physics/religion/
imagin8or: First things first though, some science. physicist. I have no problems there. My philosophy in life philosophy thing was all created (by whom i care little) so
Quantum Physics is STATISTICAL. Probabilities. Second is to make it to the next level without using up too many that people can try and appear intelligent to each other and
myth to dispell: that the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle lives, screwing anyone else’s chances for the next level and bicker about semantics and piddley little details that border
is about day to day life. It isn’t. ‘Popular science’ books bringing as many people with me as possible. I don’t give a not only on pedantry but gob-smacking stuck-up-their-own-
that draw on HUP (stop giggling at the back there) are 90% flying wombat about death. arseness and a fundamental boredom for the rest.
utter drivel. There is no mystic quality to Quantum Physics. why people can’t be happy to just believe in what they want
Quantum Physics just says that there is a certain chance world+dog: I’m curious: how have you resolved the and leave it at that, instead of feeling they have to comment
of a particle (note: not bus, planet, soul etc) being at any apparent conflict between the reality of a physical universe and put down everyone elses belief is beyond me
one place if you force it to be only in one place. If you’re which you have just described (ie the universe is not bigolslabomeat: We’re all entitled to our beliefs, I don’t
not forcing it to be in one place (ie by measuring it) then it ‘fixed’ or ‘certain’ but is in fact random and undecided) need anything shoved down my throat thanks. I’ve done
exists as a superposition (combination) of all of the places. and the notion of the Christian deity who is omniscient and plenty or reading/research/living to make up my own
This ‘it’s only there when I look at it’ has also been abused omnipotent, who controls the universe according to some mind...
by myriads of dimwits who say that it means that human ineffable plan? As I see it, such an entity cannot exist in the
consciousness is imbued with some mystical power to universe you described. purpletiac: I think you make a very interesting case
change things. It’s not the looking, it’s the forcing it to only imagin8or!! I have one question though: it appears to
exist in one place (which it doesn’t normally do). Quantum imagin8or: Why not? What’s stopping him? He created me that all these beliefes etc are a choice in the way you
Physics is neither easy nor remotely comprehensible. It the universe, you think he was stupid enough to create it decide to view life. That is, you must gather the facts,
does say some very fundamental things about the universe with laws that would prevent his own existence, or laws analyse them to the best of YOUR ability and then make a
though. Firstly, it doesn’t run like clockwork. If you that proved it? Come on, he’s infinite, not a moron. And CHOICE about the conclusions you draw - but how do you
think that when you roll a dice that you could predict it’s anyway, as has been said before by me, Quantum Physics’ make the leap to accepting the existence of a God?
10 October 2002 SPORT 31
The week at UniSport
This terms Latino Evening is tomorrow evening at the Varsity Centre 7pm and tickets
are selling fast. If you fancy an evening of Tequila, Mexican Meal, Salsa dancing and a
fantastic night of fun then don’t miss this.
Tickets are available from UniSPORT Sport Centre and cost £6 (price includes 1 shot of
tequila, a Mexican meal and a salsa lesson)

The England Squash National Squash League started on 8th October and UniSPORT
Guildford’s first home game is on Tuesday 22nd October against the 2001-02 League
Champions Lexden. UniSPORT Guildford play their home games at the Varsity and our
squad consists of some of the World’s top players. This is a unique opportunity for Surrey
SPORTS NOTICES students as most of the other nine National League teams are from private clubs all over the
country. Student Cardholders get in free and your support is much needed to drown out the
Jiu Jitsu EGM 21st October 7.30pm Sports Centre opposition. If you want to come and watch the first home game of the season contact the
Varsity tel. 68(9242).
Thursday 24th Oct, LT G, 6pm, Surf Club AGM
Fencing Club AGM 17th October, Sports Centre, 7.30pm Closing date for entries is 10th October with the fixtures starting Monday 21st October. Get
your team together and put your entry into the Sport Centre. Don’t worry about your ability
come and join in the fun and play 5-a-side mixed soccer, 5-a-side soccer, Uni-hoc, Mixed
Netball or Mixed Volleyball.


If university life starts to get you down then come to UniSPORT to de-stress! There are
many different activities that you can take part in. Many of the Yoga and Pilates classes
and courses are already full but have you thought about Tai Chi, Feldenkrais or even our

University of Surrey Coaching

new class relax & re-energise (meditation). You could choose something more energetic
like circuits, aerobics or jive! If none of these appeal to you there is always Reiki Healing.
Reiki is a natural form of healing and helps to relieve stress and anxiety. It also has many

in the Community other benefits. For more information visit our website or contact Mark White tel. 68(9298)
or email m.white@surrey.ac.uk.

Coaching in the Community is a new initiative aimed at 11th October Latino Evening Varsity Centre
22nd October NSL UniSPORT Guildford v Lexden Varsity Centre
giving students the opportunity to gain experience and 27th October Tango Workshop University Hall
coaching qualifications, whilst helping the community 1st November Beer Festival Varsity Centre
4th November Quiz Night Varsity Centre
through volunteering work
Contact: Denise Goodwin (VP Sports)
Sports Office
Union House
Tel: (01483) 689981 #9981
Email: Sports@ussu.co.uk

Idiot’s guide to American football | part II

continued from back page the centre, passes, or snaps the ball under his legs to the on the offensive team is allowed to pass the ball as long as
downs, or chances, in which to gain 10 yards. If the offensive quarterback. From there, the quarterback can either throw the pass is thrown from behind the line of scrimmage. A pass
team successfully moves the ball 10 or more yards, it earns the ball, hand it off, or run with it. is complete if the ball is caught by another offensive player,
a first down, and another set of four downs. If the offence TE RUN usually the “wide receiver” or “tight end.” If the ball hits the
fails to gain 10 yards, it loses possession of the ball. The There are two main ways for the offence to advance the ball. ground before someone catches it, it is called an incomplete
defence tries to prevent the offence not only from scoring, The first is called a run. This occurs when the quarterback pass.
but also from gaining the 10 yards needed for a first down. hands the ball off to a running back, who then tries to gain THE TACKLE
If the offence reaches fourth down, it usually punts the ball as many yards as possible by eluding defensive players. The Stop that ball carrier! The defence prevents the offence from
(kicks it away). This forces the other team to begin its drive quarterback is also allowed to run with the ball. advancing the ball by bringing the ball carrier to the ground.
further down the field. THE PASS A player is tackled when one or both of his knees touch
THE RUN AND THE PASS The other alternative to running the ball is to throw it. Or as the ground. The play is then over. A play also ends when a
A play begins with the snap. At the line of scrimmage (the they say in football, pass it! Usually, the quarterback does player runs out of bounds.
position on the field where the play begins), the quarterback the passing, though there are times when another player
loudly calls out a play in code and the player in front of him, may pass the ball to confuse the defence. Actually, anyone More next week on American Football
32 10 October 2002

Union surf club pioneers the “river-surfing” approach
By Dave ‘chops’ Chapman all your equipment, advice and professional
coaching. We will be running regular trips to
REMAINING ACTIVE OVER the summer the coast. Bournemouth is the best South Coast
holidays this year, a small but enthusiastic break within easy reach for day trips and we
group of new members helped pioneer River are going there on Saturday the 19th. We are
Surfing here in Guildford. As numerous people heading over to Newquay the weekend after
have now experienced, you can have a great that (26-27th). Newquay receives some of the
time and practice your basic surfing skills just best surf in the Country and has a great range of
a short walk from campus. Every Wednesday clubs, pubs and restaurants.
afternoon gives you the chance to come and We are having an AGM/ video night on
have a go yourself. Due to high demand we are Thursday the 24th at 6pm. For a chance to see
also doing two extra sessions this weekend (12th the big waves of “In God’s Hands” on the big
&13th). We meet on Chancellors patio at 2.30 so screen, get in touch (venue to be confirmed).
come along and try it. For photos and video clips of what we get up
Kite Surfing is another recent addition to our to, check the (soon to be improved) website:
range of activities. Practice with the kite on www.geocities.com/surreysurf/home.html
land is required before you go near the water. For more details of all the above, the five great
Join us on any of our River Surfing sessions or benefits of Surf Club membership and future
other trips and you can also get to grips with our trips, e-mail surf@surrey.ac.uk or call/ text
lovely new 9.3 meter kite. 07941035843.
Of course we also do the original kind of
surfing in all its shapes and forms. Whatever
you surf, we can help you out by providing,

Men’s hockey secure steadfast victory in tough fixture

Goals from Funhouse and chef ensure encouraging performance is rewarded
THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey Men’s Hockey 2XI took By Matt Winder but saved well by Socket down to his right. Surrey then
on Chichester in a block fixture involving the rugby team set up the hit and never looked back. More solid defending
and the Men’s Hockey 1XI. All of the teams headed down Chichester 2XI 0 gave a platform for the two Surrey forwards to move around
together to lend what support they could to each other on University of Surrey 2XI 2 and aggravate defenders and more good running from the
an afternoon when all of the teams would face some of the halves led to a number of half-chances for the forwards. It
toughest opposition that they were likely to encounter this was Surrey’s turn for some short-corners which were well-
season. and passed as though they had been playing with each improvised to cause the Chichester defence some difficulty
After watching the 1sts’ match, and with 2 draws last other for much more than the one training session that they but no goals resulted.
season against Chichester last season, the 2nds knew that previously had. After good work through the midfield from The second goal came from Funhouse after a sustained
this was going to be a tough fixture for them. This was the Tesco and Mullet the ball broke to Funhouse with Sledge attack from Surrey saw the ball break to him on the right
first game that many of the squad had played together so and Mark running either side of him with only 2 defenders of the D. Spotting the keeper off his line he took an
there was the added complication of getting to know your to beat. As Funhouse approached the D the keeper charged adventurous shot from a narrow angle which went behind
team for the first time. Surrey took up a 4-4-2 formation out and Funhouse pushed the ball wide to Sledge. Sledge all of the Chichester players and into the goal, sealing the
against Chichester’s 3-5-2 and were immediately put under turned and flicked a shot at goal which struck a defender on win. There was just time for a couple more Surrey corners
pressure from a Chichester side that launched themselves the hand giving Surrey a penalty flick. Chef stepped up from and Chef, playing in an unfamiliar role at the back, to break
at full speed into the match. They had a number of moves the back and buried the flick in the roof of the net. Surrey down a 3 on 2 situation with a well-timed tackle before the
that appeared promising until the they reached the last third went in at half time with a 1-0 lead, thoroughly deserved. final whistle blew signalling Surrey’s first win of the season
of the pitch where the Surrey side defended hard and built The half-time team talk consisted of “keep up the good and a clean sheet against tough opposition.
a platform to counter from. Through the endless running work” and the team went out in a defiant mood for the A very encouraging performance for the year ahead with
from the halves and constant movement from the forwards a second half. Surrey pushed the ball back to Chichester everybody playing hard, passing well and supporting each
number of breaks into the Chichester half of the pitch started and the home team drove up the field once more putting other throughout a match where, at the end of the day,
to put the visitors a little more at ease. Everybody moved the Surrey defence under pressure. A short corner was won hockey was the winner.

A guide to American Football | part II

THE PLAYERS By Dave Skinner the offence’s own end zone, the kick
Each team has 3 separate units: the returner can either run the ball out of
offence (see section below), those THE KICK-OFF the end zone, or kneel in the end zone
players who are on the field when the A game starts with the kick-off. to signal a touchback - a sign to stop
team has possession of the ball; the The ball is placed on a kicking tee the play. The ball is then placed on
defence (see section below), players at the defence’s 30-yard line, and the 20-yard line, where the offence
who line up to stop the other team’s a special kicker (a “place-kicker”) begins play.
offence; and special teams that kicks the ball to the offence. A kick FIRST DOWN
only come in on kicking situations return man from the offence will try All progress in a football game is
(punts, field goals, and kick-offs). to catch the ball and advance it by measured in yards. The offensive
Only 11 players are on the field from running. Where he is stopped is the team tries to get as much “yardage”
one team at any one time, and the point from which the offence will as it can to try and move closer to the
uniforms they wear are sometimes as begin its drive, or series of offensive opponent’s end zone. Each time the
colourful as the game itself. plays. When a kick-off is caught in offence gets the ball, it has four p.31