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DOCUMENT SCORE

Dyer- Persepolis 84 of 100

ISSUES FOUND IN THIS TEXT

27
PLAGIARISM

Checking disabled

Contextual Spelling No errors

Grammar 3
Wrong or Missing Prepositions 2
Conditional Sentences 1

Punctuation 7
Comma Misuse within Clauses 5
Punctuation in Compound/Complex Sentences 2

Sentence Structure No errors

Style 17
Passive Voice Misuse 6
Inappropriate Colloquialisms 3
Wordy Sentences 3
Improper Formatting 2
Unclear Reference 2
Politically Incorrect or Offensive Language 1

Vocabulary enhancement No errors

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Dyer- Persepolis
Caleb Dyer

Mr. Bradley

Honors English 9

26 September 2017

Persepolis In Iran

If the text had been written in a different time or place or

language or for a different audience, how and why might it
differ?
Imagine if our government was so controlling, so
1
oppressive, that everything was censored 1 until we did not Passive voice
know what was right anymore. In the graphic novel
Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, this world is frighteningly
true. The book follows young Marjane in Iran before,
during, and after the Islamic Revolution, and as the world
changes the government becomes more and more
controlling. Eventually, they change 2 many types of media
2
to show images of how their society should be. If Repetitive word: change
Persepolis was 3 written and published in Iran, it would be
3
a very different book because the Iranian government [was → were]
would censor the book.
In Persepolis 4 the government changes many types of
media if it does not show what they want their citizens to
4
see. They fear that if they let their citizens see unchanged, [Persepolis,]
‘western’ media, the citizens will get ideas and realize that
they do not have to live the way they do. This 5 is very
dangerous, 6 and can lead to protests and revolution. The
book Persepolis has many scenes that would be
5
inappropriate in the government’s eyes, such as scenes Unclear antecedent
6
that depict drugs, sex, and homosexual 7 men. Marjane
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even shows us subtle ways to protest against the regime. [dangerous, ]

The government changes many things to fit their image of

society, and one such example is on page 114 of
7
Persepolis 2. Marjane is watching a show called Oshin Possibly outdated term
from Japan, and in a panel 8 after she explains the show
she says, “Much later, I got to know a girl who dubbed
television shows. She told me 9 that Oshin was in fact 10 a
Geisha, and since her profession didn’t 11 suit Islamic
8
morals, the director of the channel had decided that she [panel,]
would be a hairdresser” (Satrapi 114). This 12 shows that if
some sort of 13 media did not fit the Iranian culture, it
9
would be changed to make it acceptable. Persepolis Personal pronoun in formal writing
10
definitely 14 is not appropriate for Iran’s society, so before [was, in fact,]
11
[didn't → did not]
it was published 15 in Iran 16 it would be censored and
changed.
12
The conformists of Iran may even change Persepolis Unclear antecedent
13
themselves if it was published 17 in Iran. Some people in [sort of]

Iran are called Guardians of the Revolution. They

14
technically work for the government, 18 and are enforcers [definitely]
15
of Iran’s Islamic regime. If Persepolis was written 19 in Passive voice
16
Iran, these people might try to change all the copies they [Iran,]

could get their hands on to follow their society. In

17
Persepolis, one such time something like this happened Passive voice
was on page 133. Marjane was out in public with her new
‘western’ clothes, like 20 a denim jacket, a Michael
18
Jackson pin, and new Nike shoes. She was walking home [government, ]
19
when the women’s branch of the Guardians of the Passive voice
Revolution stopped her. They said, when they saw her pin,
“What do I see here? Michael Jackson! That symbol of
decadence?” (Satrapi 133). They continued to criticize
what she was wearing, before telling her to push her veil
20
down and that they were bringing her to the Committee, Possibly confused preposition
the Guardians’ headquarters. This incident gives us the
insight that the Guardians of the Revolution will not
hesitate to confront and change what they do not believe is
right.
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Some may say that if Marjane had stayed in Iran, she

would never have tried to publish her book in the first
place. She would have eventually given up and conformed
to Iran’s society, and thus never would have even written
the book. However, that is not how Marjane is. Even
though she is a follower, she follows those closest to her,
which would be her family if she stayed in Iran. We know
she does this because, throughout the story, she is a
chameleon and blends in with her closest friends in 21 each
point in her life. Her family is very outspoken against the
government and are definitely 22 not conformists, and that
fire would eventually mirror itself in Marjane. If she had
stayed in Iran, she still would have tried to publish her
story, even with the oppressiveness of the government.
Plus, if she had not, not publishing the story is still
different than the published story. In fact, it is much
different than how Persepolis is today.
At its most basic, Persepolis is the story of a girl
growing up. This story is important because it shows and
21

describes all the hardships we all have to go through as we [friends in → friends at]

go from child to adult, plus more. If Persepolis was

22

published 23 in Iran and the government changed the story, [definitely]

they would remove some of the most important parts of

Marjane’s story and diluted her message. Persepolis is a
valuable story 24, and if it were published 25 in Iran 26 the
world may 27 never have seen it. We need more literature
like this, raw and uncensored, but the fact is, no matter
where one lives, there will always be some force telling
writers to change their story. For now, that makes
Persepolis all the more priceless, and the world must be
grateful that not only was Marjane fearless enough to
admit everything, but she was also living in an
environment that let her write her story truly.

23
Passive voice
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Word Count: 841

24
Repetitive word: story
25
Passive voice
26
[Iran,]
27

Works Cited [may → might]

Satrapi, Marjane. Persepolis. New York : 28 Pantheon

Books, 2003. Print.
Satrapi, Marjane. Persepolis 2: The Story Of A Return.
New York : 29 Pantheon Books, 2004. Print.

28
[York : → York:]

29
[York : → York:]