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Ditta M. Oliker Ph.D.
The Long Reach of Childhood
Posted Jan 10, 2012
The days between Christmas and New Year's
seem to be especially conducive to going to the
movies, when theaters are showing the films
being considered for awards and when life
seems to momentarily slow down. One of the
films getting attention is The Artist, with one
reviewer writing: "This silent black and white
film is an homage to the past with a glance at
the future."
It is a delightful film but like other films I've
Source:
seen it touches on an underlying theme that
captures an important aspect of The Long
Reach of Childhood (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/childdevelopment) specifically how
the power of action and movement devoid of sound can dramatically impact the life of a child.
The film, for those who have not seen it, is the story of a major silent film star slowly losing his
popularity as "the talkies" replace the silent film's reign in the Hollywood of the late 1920's and early
1930's. The film is basically a love (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationships) story with
sound only heard in the final scene. A comment in one of the reviews captured what to me feels like
the connection to this blog: "It is so easy to forget how dramatic cinema was before sound. Story was
certainly on the page, but mostly it was in the expressiveness of the actors and the imagination of the
audience."
I found it striking and enlightening to actually experience how effectively and powerfully the plot,
drama, and full range of emotions can be conveyed to a viewer of a film with an absolute minimum of
sound. And I recognized, from working with children and understanding
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(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/empathy) how they think, how powerfully both positively
and negatively a scene devoid of sound could impact a child.
For example, envision a "scene" in which the "actors" are parents
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/parenting) who have realized that an important investment
has lost its value causing each to be quite upset. Neither one is ready to discuss the ramifications of
the loss nor what steps need to be taken so both parents remain silent. The "audience" is their
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eightyear daughter, imagining what is happening in the scene.
In order to understand how a child would react to that scene one needs to understand how children
think and experience their world. So take a moment to imagine:
• being three feet tall looking up into the angry face and pointing finger of an angry father
• standing really tall and being eyetoeye with the neighbor's dog
• walking along a street and seeing, not faces, but knees
• certain that there are monsters in the closet
• getting crushed and unable to breathe in Uncle Harry's hug
Just as a child is unable to physically perform like an adult, so a child's thinking is tied to appropriate
levels of intellectual development. And young children think concretely. They do not understand the
subtleties of language and assume a literal meaning of words. Describe a piece of clothing as "hot"
and they will be afraid to touch it. Tell a young boy to stop banging on a drum and he'll stop but then
bang on a table. Nor do children have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts. Anyone who has
heard a child respond to questions like, "What happens when it rains?" or "What makes the sky
blue?" knows how creative, amusing and concrete the answers can be. Children, when experiencing
something new, will understand it by matching it to a preexisting idea or experience.
Children are egocentric and cannot understand another's perspective except their own. Egocentricity
leads to believing that everybody must have similar emotions, thoughts and experiences. It also
translates into, "It's all about me!" This belief is not about vanity or selfaggrandizement but about
how they believe, think and question how they exist in their worlds. It is expressed in questions like:
"Do they like me?" "Am I tall enough?" "Pretty enough?" "Too serious?" "Not serious enough?"
and so on. Their egocentricity leads them to believe that they are the center of their worlds and, as
such, have imaginary powers to affect that world. Ask a child why the sun comes up and the answer
will be, "Because it is time for me to get out of bed." In keeping with that belief, they also believe they
are responsible for what is happening in their world.
Now let's go back to that "scene" of silent, upset parents. The child can feel the negative energy in
the room, observe her parent's upset faces, know something is wrong and thinking concretely and
matching it to a preexisting experience, assume that her parents are angry. Experiencing the
negative vibrations in keeping with her egocentric thinking, she then assumes that she must be the
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cause of the problem. She begins to imagine what she did that had caused a problem that in turn
caused their anger (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anger) and she begins to get fussy and
agitated. Her parents become aware of her agitation, and speaking in authoritative voices, caution
her to "go find something to do" thus reinforcing her being the problem. In this scenario the silence
was so much harsher than a few words spoken to explain her parent's feelings.
Let's take another "scene" a positive and affirming one; same parents and child, different moment.
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Mother and Father, having spent some quality time together are experiencing feelings of comfort and
love for each other in a prolonged silence attesting to their joy of being together. They then turn to
their daughter, gently tousle her hair and include her in their silence. The child's response both
concretely and egocentrically reaffirms her importance and inclusion. In some ways, that experience
could be more powerful for a child than had the parents expressed their feelings in words.
The echoing sounds of silence can be a window to the past, and a portend of the future, particularly
when the distinction is made between silence and silencing. More to come of this subject in future
blogs.
This blog will continue to expand on The Long Reach of Childhood: How Early Experiences Shape
You Forever including offering more information on how children experience and understand their
world.
Hope you'll continue to join me on this journey. And hope your interactions include meaningful
silences.
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