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Martin Rovers
Saint Paul University
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To cite this article: Martin Rovers PhD (2004) Family of Origin Theory, Attachment
Theory and the Genogram, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy: Innovations in
Clinical and Educational Interventions, 3:4, 43-63, DOI: 10.1300/J398v03n04_03
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Family of Origin Theory,
Attachment Theory and the Genogram:
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iour and expectations, and rules that characterize relationships within the
family in which an individual is reared. Family relational patterns result
from combined overt and covert expectations and attributions of family
members.
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conflict with each other . . . at the other extreme is what is called emo-
tional fusion or stuckness” (McGoldrick & Gerson, 1985, p. 7). People
can be viewed as operating on a continuum of fusion to differentiation
to emotional cut-off (McGoldrick & Carter, 2001). Therefore, the scale
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ATTACHMENT THEORY
iors with one or a few specific individuals who provide physical or psy-
chological safety or security” (Sperling & Berman, 1994, p. 5). Attach-
ment behavior is activity that promotes closeness to one’s attachment
figure. This ‘secure base’ or at least ‘felt security’ (Scoufe & Waters,
1977) is the primary purpose for attachment behavior (Simpson & Rholes,
1998). There are common variations, patterns, or ‘working models’ to
explain the way attachment is learned. The internal working model is a
representation based upon experiences of attachment from family of or-
igin history in conjunction with current interactions between self and
significant others. For the secure attachment pattern, a delicate balance
is sought between seeking proximity to the caregiver and exploration,
between connectedness and autonomy. This is similar to Bowen’s
theory where the concept of differentiation is characterized by the “bal-
ance/ imbalance of two life forces or instincts: the force of togetherness
and the force of individuality” (Titelman, 1998, p. 14).
Differences in individual attachment behavior are grouped into two
categories: secure and anxious/insecure (Bowlby, 1973). From these,
four attachment patterns for children have been described: secure,
avoidant, and ambivalent (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978)
while preoccupied was added later (Main & Solomon, 1990). Secure
children showed the most adaptive behaviors. Secure attachment not
only provides comfort and protection as the need arises, but also enables
autonomy and the exploration of the environment. Secure children are
confident of the availability of caregivers and confident of their own in-
teractions in the world (Weinfield, Sroufe, Egeland, & Carlson, 1999).
Interdependence, that balance of intimacy and autonomy, is one good
sign of the secure bond (Johnson & Greenberg, 1992).
The patterns of insecure attachment might best be viewed as strate-
gies for coping with a difficult interpersonal world learned over the years
from infancy to adolescence to adulthood. Avoidant children are char-
acterized by the belief that when one needs care one will not be re-
sponded to helpfully. Avoidant children showed avoidance of proxi-
mity during reunion, often turning away or ignoring the parent. These
children are less likely to show affective sharing, and more likely to ap-
pear distressed (Ainsworth & Wittig, 1969). They make little effort to
maintain contact with the caregiver. Ambivalent children sought con-
tact but often in a resistant or angry fashion. They very much want con-
Martin Rovers 49
tact or proximity, but they do not seem to be calmed or secure in that con-
nection. They tend to be more passive, to be clinging and uncomfortable
in exploring the world. A disorganized pattern was recognized as a dis-
tinct pattern later (Main & Solomon, 1990) and can be defined as chil-
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dren who were not consistent in any attachment strategy. All attachment
patterns are highly influenced by experiences within the family of origin.
become parents, the same patterns of behavior that they themselves have
experienced during their childhood, patterns of interaction are transmit-
ted more or less faithfully from one generation to the next” (1969,
p. 323).
Past attachment behaviors can be transferred to present relationships
(Main & Hesse, 1990, 1999). Turned around, present relationship pat-
terns can be better understood by uncovering experiences or ‘working
models’ of childhood and characteristics of past attachment figures, es-
pecially parents, by observing, researching and realizing ‘unfinished
business’ of childhood which still organizes present processes (Simpson &
Rholes, 1998). Clients’ current and past family climate can be quite pre-
dictive of present attachment styles (Diehl, Elnick, Bourbeau & La-
Louvie-Vief, 1998). The genogram will be introduced later as one means
to better identify current and past family climate.
Secure
Differentiated
Fearful
Ambivalent/ Avoidant/
Preoccupied Dismissive
Enmeshed Cutoff
Birth
adolescence and adulthood. Falling in love or the birth of a child can ne-
cessitate conscious re-evaluations of relationship patterns. Therapy,
such as a re-examination of one’s family of origin attachment patterns
or emotionally focused couple therapy, can also fashion changes in
present attachment patterns.
Family of origin theory demonstrated a continuum of relationship
styles from enmeshed to differentiated to cutoff. Attachment theory of-
fered four attachment patterns for adults ranging from ambivalent/pre-
52 JOURNAL OF COUPLE & RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
THE GENOGRAM
How does a therapist and a client acquire and hold the data that would
delineate one’s family of origin history and especially one’s attachment
pattern of relationships? With such a variety of attachment possibilities,
and a vast array of life stories, how can the dimensions of one’s unfin-
ished business be accessed and brought to fruition in the present thera-
peutic process and made more clear for both therapist and client? How
can a client more easily understand oneself, especially the family of ori-
gin base in which their attachment pattern was born and become a more
active player in their own healing?
The genogram, or family tree, is a “clinical method of taking, storing,
and processing” (Tomson, 1985, p. 34) relationship information. Where-
as the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) (George, Kaplan, & Main,
1996) and the Family Background Questionnaire (Melchert & Sayger,
1998) are highly complex and time-consuming assessment tools, the
genogram is a relatively simple, non-intrusive, easily up-dated tool
which provides a quick reference for complex patterns of relationships.
As such, the genogram can be used as a source of assessment and hy-
pothesis for therapy. Like the AAI, the genogram can help reveal mem-
ories of childhood relationships with parents, together with current
partner attachment patterns, to delineate recurring relationship patterns.
This flexibility allows the clinician to make better assessments of both
partners, thus providing an excellent panorama of attachment patterns
and the balance of individuation and togetherness in the relationship.
The genogram is both a therapeutic intervention and part of the process
of counselling (McGoldrick & Gerson, 1985).
Genogram construction can reveal attachment patterns, whether en-
meshed or cutoff, or the attachment possibilities that lie between the
two. In couple therapy, each partner can then understand their own and
their partner’s attachment pattern, begin to know and accept self and un-
Martin Rovers 55
sessment.
The process/feelings attached to the experience of finding words is also
revealing. Some people are hesitant to say anything nice or not-so-nice.
Others can’t find the words. For some, speaking the words can bring
forth feelings of pride and love, for others feelings of pain or hurt. All
these can reveal attachment patterns ranging from enmeshed to secure
to cutoff. The schema of attachment patterns can be shown to clients to
help them locate themselves, but some caution and professional judge-
ment is needed here, for many people may be uncomfortable talking
about parents, feeling like they may be blaming parents, or fearful to
identify him/herself before a partner with whom there is still present
conflict. On the other hand, partners can be very helpful in observing the
other’s attachment patterns within family of origin as the partner often
has a more objective view.
A second line of questions tries to uncover space/place within the
family system. Where did this client fit in the affections of father/
mother? Who was mom’s/dad’s favorite child when the client was 5-10
years old? With whom was one closest? Mom? Dad? Sibling? Other?
How would the client describe their relationship pattern with Dad? Mom?
Sibling? Answers can also point toward a specific attachment pattern.
CASE STUDY
Mary and Joe came into therapy to deal with couple distance and con-
tinuous conflict, including verbal abuse towards each other (see Figure
2). Mary and Joe have known each other for 11 years, have lived to-
gether for five years, and have been married for two years. They have no
children. Presenting issues include: family of origin interference, espe-
cially by Joe’s mother; arguing over affection and sex, and quarrelling
about how much money can be spent on family members for birthdays.
Mary is the more verbal of the couple and complains how Joe’s mother
controls him. Joe phones home almost every day and especially after a
fight, to talk and seek guidance from his mom. A strong antagonism has
developed between Mary and Joe’s parents, to the point that Mary will
no longer visit Joe’s family. Joe complains that Mary is mean-spirited,
argumentative, and distant. His requests for affection are spurned.
Martin Rovers 57
Mary is the middle of three children, but functions as the family lead-
er and arbitrator since her older brother is “out of it,” doing drugs and
jail time. Mary has been in open conflict with dad since her teenage
years and has “put him in his place.” On the other hand, Mary also has
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little time for mom, whom she sees as weak and passive. Joe suggests
that on the outside, Mary is independent and capable, and on the inside,
Mary is depressed, closed, and cold.
Joe is the younger of two. His older sister moved away from home to
attend university and “never comes home” very much. There is much
conflict between the two siblings. Joe describes his father as his best
friend and “my strength.” His dad also is narrow and can be harsh with
his words. Joe describes his mother as kind, but one who is never
wrong. He feels her control, but renames it concern for him. Joe relates
how mom can also give the “cold shoulder” when Joe does not do all
that is asked of him.
In the genogram construction, Mary presented as quite cut off from
her own family, including a dismissive demeanor with her own parents
as well as with Joe and his family. Conflict with dad in her early years
set her up as the family “heavy” who had to defend mom and other sib-
lings. When family members turn to her for intervention, Mary tends to
lecture them on what to do. Although Mary preaches a gospel of inde-
pendence, especially for Joe, she presents as insecure in herself, some-
what depressed and alone. Mary has fought so many battles, especially
for others, that she has not had time to know herself. Therapy has fo-
cussed on her understanding of these family dynamics and giving her
permission to work on her own self-care and happiness. Mary began to
see her own dismissive/cutoff attachment pattern and earnestly desired
to reconnect “on her own terms” with others. On the schema of attach-
ment patterns, Mary might be scored as a 45-50 on the avoidant/dis-
missive/cutoff side of the schema of attachment patterns. In therapy,
Mary began moving closer to Joe and her family of origin, especially
her parents, while stating clearly what she will allow and for what she
will no longer accept responsibility. This more mature sense of connec-
tion and intimacy also enabled Mary to feel better about herself.
Joe presents a picture of a strongly enmeshed person who is unable to
take much of an independent stance, especially by saying “no” to par-
ents. Joe is preoccupied with what others, especially mom, may think/
feel and he has a strong need for the approval and affection of signifi-
cant others. In therapy, Joe was ambivalent about early suggestions that
he ‘leave father and mother and cling to his wife’ and that he could prac-
tice this by phoning home less frequently and thus take a more inde-
58 JOURNAL OF COUPLE & RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
35 29
verbal abuse
Joe Mary
LT. 5 yrs, m. 2 yrs
pendent stance vis-a-vis his mother. Even when Joe began to take some
distance and a more objective stance, his comments exhibited much fear
about the reactions of others. On the schema of attachment patterns, Joe
might be seen as a 45-50 on the preoccupied/enmeshed side of the
schema of attachment patterns. As Joe began to individuate more with
mom, he found himself better able to listen to Mary.
IMPLICATIONS FOR THERAPY
The therapeutic task for each partner is two-fold: (1) to become aware
of one’s own level of differentiation, including one’s attachment pattern
Martin Rovers 59
tive implications for therapy. Using the genogram allows for a quick as-
sessment of relationship patterns for use in therapy and this can be
scored/marked and illustrated on the scale of differentiation on the
schema of attachment patterns. Although meant more as a global as-
sessment of attachment, best obtained through a mutual dialogue be-
tween client and therapist, clients can visualize their own score on the
scale of differentiation as well as the score of their partner. Bowen
strongly suggested that clients need to, first of all, understand their own
family of origin dynamics and become objective observers and re-
searchers of their progress towards differentiation. This objective as-
sessment of the genogram and the clients’ positioning on the schema of
attachment patterns can assist each partner to know oneself more
deeply, including how their insecure attachment pattern or undiffer-
entiation was born in the family of origin and how it might function and
have an impact in the couple relationship today.
Family of origin therapy is not to relive an old memory or to blame
parents for all that may have gone wrong in life. Rather, a review of
family of origin relationship patterns, from the ‘there and then’ can pro-
vide a “working model” or blueprint of present functioning and thus
help clients obtain a better grasp of the ‘here and now.’ Unfinished busi-
ness of the past is probably one therapeutic issue clients trip over again
and again. The old family of origin map/attachment patterns that have
been followed most of life needs adjustment and updating to better fit
present adult life relationships. Knowing where one came from, in
terms of attachment patterns, enables one to seek paths and pathways
towards the middle ground of more secure/differentiated relationships
in present relationships. In other words, the client can stand more sol-
idly on the two feet of past and present attachment patterns, by observ-
ing his or her family of origin functioning and by focusing on present
emotional attachments.
At the same time, the genogram and the schema of attachment pat-
terns also permits people to see their partner more objectively and begin
to appreciate their partner’s insecure attachment pattern and undiffer-
entiation to be somewhat equal to their own. Partners can also learn to
appreciate their own and their partner’s attachment pattern as a wound
that each brings into the relationship, rather than some supposed delib-
erate meanness. The genogram and the schema of attachment patterns
60 JOURNAL OF COUPLE & RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
CONCLUSION
When it comes to loving and being loved, people often tend to react
in patterns reflective of the past, specifically attachment patterns ab-
sorbed in the family of origin. These attachment patterns have become
interwoven into ways of thinking and being, thus providing an internal
diagram or working model for being in a close relationship. Parents
whose love over time integrates the child’s inner experiences in ways
that make it possible for the child to understand, nurture, and care for
her/himself, and through this, create a space for his/her private personal
growth, encourages the child to move towards his or her “differentiation
of self” or more secure attachment pattern. In contrast, in a poorly dif-
ferentiated family, the child tends to function in reaction to others and
tends to become more enmeshed or cut-off. Attachment patterns that
have been absorbed from family of origin can become interwoven into
our present day relationships. Becoming aware of attachment patterns
helps partners know themselves more deeply, better handle their own
emotional reactivity, become more acute observers of the dance of at-
tachment, and help partners focus on the couple’s attachment pattern,
and bring thoughtfulness to bear in seeking new pathways towards a se-
cure/differentiated position.
Martin Rovers 61
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SUBMITTED: 8/16/02
ACCEPTED: 10/24/02