Responding to Conflict

37ECB Counseling Team

Life Skills:Week 4
 ● Check - in question

● HUBU Conference Permission

Agenda: Slips

● Review of Seven Emotions and

What are we doing today? Power of Thoughts

● Intro to Conflict Styles

Check-in question:
What’s the best gift
you’ve ever received
from someone?

Objectives
What are we learning today?
1. Students will learn understand
the importance of understanding
other people’s perspectives
during conflict
2. Students will be able to
differentiate between direct and
indirect conflict styles.
3. Students will be able to
differentiate between
emotionally expressive and
emotionally restrained conflict
styles.

ASCA Mindsets
and Behaviors
How and what will we learn
about being successful students?
M.1: Belief in development of whole self,
including a healthy balance of mental,
social/emotional and physical well-being
B-LS.1: Demonstrate critical-thinking
skills to make informed decisions
B-SMS.2: Demonstrate self-discipline
and self-control B-SMS.7: Demonstrate
effective coping skills when faced with a
problem
B-SS.5: Demonstrate ethical
decision-making and social responsibility
7 Basic Emotions
1. Surprise

2. Sadness

3. Happiness

4. Fear

5. Disgust

6. Contempt

7. Anger Our emotions can also be complex variations, combinations, or

different intensities of the basic emotions.
 The Power of Thought
Trigger
Automatic thought Alternative thought
What emotion do I
What’s my initial How can I reframe
feel? What is the
reaction? the situation?
intensity?

A scenario that I have not thought of yet to do

one last review with...
Conflict
Our response to conflict can depend on: Think about your last conflict with
someone:
● Our emotions
● The person involved ● How did you respond?
● Power dynamics ● What were the consequences?
● Cultural expectations ● Were you happy with the outcome?
● What would you do differently?
Conflict Styles:
- Hammer Conflict Style -

Direct vs Indirect

Emotionally Expressive vs Emotionally

Restrained
Direct
- May hint around the topic
- Straight to the point
- Verbalize your concerns
- Confront misunderstandings
- Face to face conversations
- Value speaking your mind and
assertiveness
- Logical arguments with facts,
recommendations, and solutions
Indirect
- Looks at more than just the verbal
to find meaning
- Likes using mediators to help
- Uncomfortable in immediate face
to face conversations
- Keep their values, goals, and
opinions to themselves
- Values keeping the relationship
- Not so concerned with facts
Emotionally
Expressive
- Demonstrates feeling through
laughing, gesturing, body posture,
and facial expressions.
- Needs to let out emotions
- Trying to hold it in will only
escalate the situation
- Especially when told to “calm
down” or to “take a break”
- Seeing the need to work through
emotions as insincere
Emotionally
Restrained
- Hides/masks emotional expression
to avoid upsetting other people
- Uncomfortable when other people
express their emotions
- Will not raise their voice or use big
gestures during conflict
- Staying calm shows sincerity
 Emotionally Emotionally
Restrained Expressive

Direct
Which
Discussion Engagement
Style Style conflict style
are you?

Accommodation Dynamic
Style Style

Indirect
Discussion Style
- verbally direct approach ● “say what you mean and mean what you say.”
- emotionally restrained ● It’s about the problem not the person
● Talking about the disagreement directly to
one another is a comfortable approach
● yet this “discussion” should be based on
objective facts if at all possible
● both parties should be cautious of including
personal feelings
● Very direct, but never personal
● Resolution comes from discussing ideas
Engagement Style
- verbally direct approach
- emotionally expressive ● “What’s nearest to the heart is nearest to
the mouth”
● Raised tone of voice, more hand gestures
● Disagreements are verbally confronted and
emotion is “put on the table.”
● Resolution comes from engaging emotions
and ideas
● Don’t tell them to calm down
Accommodation Style
- indirect strategies
● Usually “difficult to read” these people
- emotionally restrained ● Need to “save face”
● Resolution comes from harmony
● Resolution is a give and take
● Views more intense emotion as potentially
dangerous and gets in the way of finding
resolution
● They may sound vague or uncertain in the
conversation
● Consults with others prior to direct conflict
Dynamic Style
- indirect strategies
- emotionally intense expression
● You can tell they are upset but they
don’t want talk about it right away
● Resolution may come from telling
stories
● Best to use a mediator to help resolve
problems
● skilled at observing behavior, and
comfortable with strong emotional
displays.
● May be seen as unreasonable, too
emotional,volatile, and rarely able to
“get to the point.”
Discussion:
● What are the pros and cons of your way of
dealing with conflict?
● What do you find difficult about working
with other styles?
● What would you want the others to know
about working with your style?