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In social situations, people who experience anxiety will feel socially awkward,
shy or unable to assert themselves. They might search frantically for the right
words to say, or imagine themselves being humiliated and embarrassed by their
own social inhibitions. They may also be afraid to voice their opinions, express
their feelings or fear intimacy in case they reveal their vulnerability. Those who
experience anxiety in relationships may not be able to confront their partners,
assert their boundaries or feel they have a right to say no.
Typically such people seek to pacify, placate or please others. They may feel
that their ability to articulate feelings is inadequate, or even unwelcome to loved
ones. Anger is an emotion which is particularly avoided, almost at the cost of
their own self-interest or sense of identity. Anxious people rarely acknowledge
their own self-worth, and often feel devalued by others. Instead of voicing their
dissatisfaction, openly and directly, such people may find indirect ways of
showing their anger – by shutting down, withdrawing and becoming emotionally
unavailable or giving their loved ones the silent treatment. They may turn-up
late to events or forget to fulfil their responsibilities. They may sabotage a task
they have been asked to complete, play helpless or make a promise they cannot
keep.
Being in the moment – Counselling can help us find the time to sit quietly and
alone with ourselves, reflecting on our lives more compassionately and without
judgment. Paying attention to our feelings and sensations in the present moment,
rather than getting caught up in excessive preoccupations with the past or
imagined future catastrophes.
Learning approach behaviours – We may seek to break old habits and avoidance
behaviours; learning to make better choices and using a wider range alternative
approaches to resolve our problems. As well as learning how to take manageable
risks, challenge ourselves and confront a degree of adversity in order to
overcome our fears. This increases our ‘window of tolerance’ for anxiety.