Victoria Chanda

Loyola University

ET 690
 2

Turkle (2015) proposes an extremely important narrative that focuses on the power and

necessity of face to face conversations. When you are fully present in a conversation you learn to

really listen to one another and you develop the capacity for empathy. Through conversations

you are able to be heard and understood. “Conversation is on the path toward the experience of

intimacy, community, and communion. Reclaiming conversation is a step toward reclaiming our

most fundamental human rights” (Turkle, 2015). Conversations advances self reflection and

allows us to believe in other narratives. Without face to face conversations we are less

empathetic, connected and creative.

Our digital world has become an interference in these natural conversations. “We turn to

our phones, instead of each other” (Turkle, 2015). On a field trip, at the park, or even at the

dinner table, parents are using their devices and children are noticing. “It’s a chain reaction.

Only one person has to start. Only one person has to stop talking” (Turkle, 2015). Parent’s don’t

understand the risks and what is at stake when they pull out their devices. Trust, self

esteem, empathy, friendship and intimacy are qualities that children are lacking because of the

conversations that aren’t happening. Speaking and listening skills can be taught and learned

through practice. Parents need to be mentors for children and teach them how to have

conversations. When parents deprive their children of these conversations, the children turn to

the online world where they feel they are heard and understood, not realizing the damaging effect

the technology has on relationships. The most powerful learning takes place in a relationship.

With technology in our presence, conversations will stay light and never get too serious. We are

risking our relationships and ignoring powerful learning opportunities by allowing technology to

disrupt conversations.
 3

I believe that Turkle’s narrative is extremely important and I think that the way

technology is currently being used has become a threat to conversations. We are a society that

has become reliant on devices. Technology is a huge part of our life and is here to stay. It can’t

be avoided, it can’t be taken away, so we need to be more self-aware of our relationship with

technology. We are afraid of silence and being alone but we need to embrace these moments

because it helps us discover ourselves for we are vulnerable. When you are on your phone you

are able to push feelings away, but we need to be embracing these emotions. “It is not a moment

to reject technology but to find ourselves. This is our nick of time and our line to toe: to

acknowledge the unintended consequences of technologies to which we are vulnerable, to

respect the resilience that has always been ours. We have time to make the corrections” (Turkle,

2015). It will never be too late to reclaim powerful face to face conversations.

One Chair: Solitude

In 1845, Henry David Thoreau moved to a cabin to learn to live with more of a purpose.

In his cabin were three chairs, one for solitude, two for friendship, and three for society. The

three chairs link conversation to empathy and self-reflection. “In solitude we find ourselves; we

prepare ourselves to come to conversation with something to say that is authentic, ours. When

we are secure in ourselves we are able to listen to other people and really hear what they have to

say. And then in conversation with other people we become better at inner dialogue” (Turkle,

2015). This is a virtuous circle that technology disrupts.

The first chair, solitude reinforces a secure sense of self. The problem is that with

technology at our fingertips, we don’t take time to truly be alone in our heads. We push our

feelings away with our phones and we don’t take time to embrace our emotions. At a very young

age parents are handing devices to their children in exchange for a moment of silence or hand
 4

them devices because the children see their parents with one and want one as well. “The shiny

objects of today’s childhood demand time and interrupt stillness” (Turkle, 2015). Children need

play time where they are using their imagination and being creative. A lot of parents are afraid of

boredom and view it as a waste of time. “But childhood boredom is a drive. It sparks

imagination. It builds up inner emotional resources” (Turkle, 2015). Adults, teachers and mentors

need to be more mindful of the impact of technology and the importance of play and boredom so

we can help children be okay with being alone in their heads.

Teachers spend a lot of time planning and preparing for engaging lessons. There are

always students who finish their work quickly. While the teachers try to help other students, it is

very easy to say ‘go get a computer and get on ______”. Working at a school with one to one

devices, I have been guilty of this on numerous occasions. The programs I put students on aren’t

that meaningful. Students work on typing skills, math facts, or read online books, but the

programs I resort to don’t require creativity or imagination. For me, this is a starting point in my

classroom. I recognize that I don’t need to have students ‘go and get on a computer’ as a filler but

that I can take it as an opportunity to encourage solitude. I think students need to have that quiet

time where they are reflecting on a deeper level. One way I can do this is by providing students

with a reflection journal where they are alone in their thoughts and write down any and

everything that comes to mind. This isn’t something that I need to read or grade. Because we

have one to one devices, this reflection could be done through an online blog, but I feel as though

that takes away the privacy students need to be creative. Thinking about my elementary

school schedule, every grade has an ‘awkward’ fifteen-minute block in their day. Most teachers

fill this time with videos, read-alouds or computer game time. What if we took this block and

used it as a meditation period where we all just sat in silence? After a certain amount of quiet
 5

time students could draw a picture, write down their thoughts or even create a song to compile

their ideas and thinking. It is important that teachers are off of their phones and computers during

this time as well. If teachers don’t take the quiet moments seriously, students won’t view it as

worthwhile. Teachers need to provide time in the school day to encourage students to be

comfortable and confident in self-reflecting. We find ourselves having students get on

technology to fill up time when we can be spending it in a more meaningful way that fosters self

awareness.

Two Chairs: Friendship

Being able to pay attention to ourselves, will help us pay better attention to the loved

ones surrounding us. “When adults listen during conversations, they show children how listening

works. In family conversation, children learn that it is comforting and pleasurable to be heard

and understood” (Turkle, 2015). Through conversations with family, children begin to develop

empathy. They are able to let their ideas grow without being judged. In order for this to happen,

parents need to be mentors who are present. Phones can be very seductive and adults need to

understand that children learn by watching. Parents need to unplug and give their child the love

and attention that they need to develop empathy for others. “Children recognize a commitment to

conversation. And they see it as a commitment to family and to them. I think this can make the

difference between children who struggle to express themselves and those who are fluent...”

(Turkle, 2015). When we exchange conversations with devices, we lose the opportunity to make

eye contact, to read body language, and to truly listen. Although listening skills may start with

parents, it trickles into the classroom. At a young age students use their phones to get the

validation through texts and phones become a source of solace. Texting allows students more

space to say the ‘right’ thing and edit their responses. The conversations aren’t natural and free
 6

flowing.

A lot of teachers encourage collaboration and online discussion. We teach students how

to be safe ‘21st century digital learners’ but do we teach students how to converse online? In the

classroom, I provide multiple opportunities for students to interact with each other on Canvas. I

post a discussion question and they respond with their initial thoughts and then comment on the

thoughts of others. The responses are very short and limits possibility of further discussion. If

students have to defend their position on a subject, their typical response is “I respectfully

disagree”. They aren’t able to go into detail about why. This makes me wonder how I can

encourage deeper thinking so students can participate in a meaningful conversation.

My first thought is to make sure students develop appropriate social skills. We are

worried about students being empathetic, but what are we doing as teachers to help students

become strong listeners? As a third grade teacher working with eight year olds, I strongly believe

in and encourage the use of community circles in the classroom. We need to develop a safe space

where students are comfortable in opening up, where they let their ideas grow without

judgement. In Turkle’s (2015) book, Reade discusses how friend-ships are now one-sided. They

broadcast their feelings but they don't listen and there is no emotional level. There is no

investment in the person. Community Circles build this investment. There are no devices out or

around, all bodies are facing one another, all eyes are on the speaker, all ears are listening.

Students won't/don't open up during the first circle, but when you do it daily, or weekly, they

begin to feel comfortable and eventually share a lot. We aren't just teachers, we are parents,

mentors, guidance counselors, friends. Students trust us. We need to create this space for

students to develop speaking and listening skills. We need students to see that moments of

silence or awkwardness are okay and they don't need to rush to their phones. Having one to one
 7

devices in the classroom is amazing. The opportunities are limitless. If it is clear that students

don’t understand how to have a conversation, are we using discussion boards and threads just to

say we used it, or is there a greater purpose behind it?

Another way technology has impacted conversations in both a positive and negative way

can be seen through a writing activity known as “Two Stars and a Wish”. Students take time to

write a piece and when they are finished they read it out loud to a partner. The partner listens and

then provides two ideas that they loved about the writing and one idea that they wished could be

added. With access to one to one devices, we now have students type their work in google docs,

share with a partner and provide comments on the document. The positive is that this is a quick

efficient way to complete the activity because you can have multiple people providing advice at

any given time. What is not taken into account is the face-face questioning that unfolds and the

writer’s ability to recognize mistakes when he/she verbally reads the writing to his/her partner. I

think google docs are a powerful addition, but I don’t think students need to start there. They can

write their work, read it to a partner, bounce ideas off of one another, go add in the new

additions, type up their work, and then have a partner comment on the side bar with additional

comments. Technology in the classroom doesn’t need to and shouldn’t go away. However, it is

crucial, especially at an elementary level, to provide students with opportunities to develop

proper speaking and listening skills before allowing them to converse online.

Three Chairs: Society

Working on our phones and computers so much makes us lose the opportunity to

converse and play with ideas in the workplace and classroom. Turkle (2015) mentions classes

that are device free and how the students became much more relaxed and felt relieved because

they weren’t temped by their devices and had more control of their own attention. When we are
 8

on our cell phones and computers we begin to multi-task and although we may think we are

getting more accomplished, our performance is actually worse. We need to start promoting

unitasking where we are focusing on one given task at a time. When students complete these

tasks we need to encourage teamwork. Students need to work together so they can learn from

speaking and listening to one another. We give students homework where they are required to

collaborate online outside of the classroom, but it would be more beneficial to create

assignments where they are together face to face. “These educators think their schools need more

classroom time where students present opinions, hear the objections of others, and are asked to

refine their ideas. They need practice making and defending an argument” (Turkle, 2015).

In fifth grade, students participate in Simulated Congressional Hearings. Devices can be a

very powerful tool to conduct research. The amount of resources online that can be used are very

beneficial to student success. Students spend a lot of time online, but don’t spend much time

discussing their findings. In this case, the class would benefit from a device free day, where after

their initial research, they come together and discuss their findings. They can then create a plan

for moving forward and decide on how to best use their time on their device. Are they being

biased and need to pull more sources from a different perspective? Providing students with the

time to just talk and come up with a ‘next step’ is something that they need. We were very quick

to encourage “bring your own device” to school to connect more and expand the possibilities of

completing work. I think teachers should create an “unplug from your device” day where

students focus on developing their ideas by having discussions with one another.

As I discuss the chairs and impact of technology, I am thinking about this from an

elementary teacher perspective and reflecting on what I see at my school and in my classroom.

Looking at it from a middle/high/college level, there would be similar ideas, however the impact
 9

of technology is probably greater due to the access older students have. This is something very

powerful to consider because if we can teach students and help them learn at a young age the

importance of self-reflection and empathy, and how to be mindful of the power of technology,

then maybe they won’t be so reliant on it in the later years. It comes down to what we know and

what we are used to. We need to break the pattern of ‘needing’ our devices and using them as

escapes. At the end of the day, what makes a difference in the lives of our students is the

“presence of one strong figure who shows an interest, who, the student would say ‘get’s me’. You

need a conversation for that” (Turkle, 2015). It is time to be mindful of the technology

surrounding us and reclaim conversation. It starts with one person. You, Dr. Marcovitz, were that

person for us, and we can be that person for our students. It’s not too late.
 10

References

Turkle, Sherry (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age.

New York: Penguin Press.