Valerie Gonzalez

March 7, 2018
242B

Reflection 6:
Directions: Read over your essay comments. Remember that you will be reading both the rubric
comments and the annotations on the essay itself. Go to Reading and Understanding Comments
on Your Essays page to understand the comments and annotations.
Part 1: Reflection on Essay 3
1. Based upon the amount of time you spend writing the essay (fulfilling all elements of the
process, from freewriting to outlining to participating in a peer response workshop), as well as
my comments overall, are you surprised by the grade your essay received? Why or why not?
It was a huge sense of relief for me to find out that I earned a B+ on essay 3 because I
wasn’t feeling too confident with my writing overall. I believe the only reason I was able to earn
a decent grade is because I understood the author’s arguments in the book, I rewrote my thesis
multiple times and I was able to create my own clear arguments that showed why I either agreed,
disagreed or both. However, it was difficult for me to be creative with my ideas in this essay
because I didn’t want to accidentally misinterpret Coates’ ideas or contradict my thesis while
doing so. I think I was hesitant to elaborate more on my own arguments because I felt like their
would be a “right” and “wrong” direction to go with my arguments. But now I am reminded that
almost all college writers struggle to state their own arguments/ opinions in their writing which is
also known as the “I say” stage in writing. As a result, when I was writing I felt like I was
restating most Coates ideas and it started to feel like I was writing a long summary. But after
reviewing the comments Professor Huerta made, I realized these essays can be creative and truly
reflecting of what we believe as writers and it also showed me what Huerta is expecting from us
as writers. I am overall happy that the effort I put in earned me an B+ but it is my goal to
improve my writing for essay 4. I am going to devote more time and thought for essay 4 so that it
reflects what I am really trying to show readers.
2. Select ONE part of your essay in which you did well, based upon my comments, annotations,
and the notes from the rubric. What did you do well and how do you plan on building upon that
strength of your writing.
Based upon the comments, annotations, and notes on the rubric I think my best writing is
shown in body paragraph one. In this paragraph, I lead readers into my argument by stating a
commonly held belief which is “Americans today tend to believe that the public school system is
one of the greatest inventions of all time. Individuals feel that our nation has provided us with
public education, so that we all have an equal and guaranteed opportunity of being educated. The
reality is, the quality of public school education varies in communities, and in black communities
the public school system offers students a very poor education.” I observed that this argument
connects to my thesis by showing education has not been accessible which is promised to us by
the dream. I feel my argument would of been stronger if I had made that connection clearer. But
overall my claim was strong and my analysis was thoughtful. To improve my writing for the next
essay, I plan on using key terms in my claims that show a clear thesis and claim connection. I
also plan on continuing to build on my organization and analysis skills because if I’m organized
with the way I present my arguments then I’ll be able to expand on my analysis too.
Based on comments:
● Clear and thoughtful analysis and a strong conclusion
● OK arguments but need to connect more to thesis

3. Using the categories of the rubric, select what you think are your TOP 3 categories for
improvement. In other words, what areas of the essay do you think you most need to focus on in
order to develop that part of the essay for Essay 4? Why do you think you struggled with this
category in Essay 3?
TOP 3 categories for improvement: ​Introduction- topic and context; Body Paragraphs: Focus;
and Body Paragraphs: Evidence and Support
Based on the rubric, I got a 8/10 on my introduction and I think this is because the
context I provided was too broad and it didn’t necessarily help me setup my ideas. I struggled to
write the introduction because I didn't want to include too many ideas that would take away from
my body paragraphs but now I realize some information would of made my introduction strong.
A second category that I need to improve on is the body paragraph focus which determines what
I’ll ultimately be writing about in that specific paragraph. In order to improve at this, I need to
add in key terms to my claims that connect to my thesis. Lastly, I need to improve on my body
paragraphs evidence and support because I didn’t provide the necessary context before the
quotes. I struggled with adding more context because once I worried my context would sound
repetitive and similar to the quote. For essay 4, I am going to look over templates to introduce
quotes and I am going to think of unique ways to introduce quotes.

4. Select two comments or questions I made in my annotations that you find helpful in
understanding how you can improve your writing for the next essay. Write the comment (quote
me) and then write a response to that comment that shows what you understand about how to
improve your essay because of that comment.
In my introduction, you questioned “How exactly? Through media? Our families? How
can you be a bit more specific about the ways in which you were able to understand this concept
and why it has been a guiding force for you?” when I said “since I was a child, this is how
society presented the American Dream to me but over the years I realized the foundation of the
dream wasn’t fair.” This comment made me realize that I need to elaborate and explain my views
and beliefs. I need explain to readers how and why I got to those beliefs and opinions so that I
am making stronger statements. Your comments mentioned how or why sentences for my
introduction so now I am going to ask myself if I’m explaining how and why in my next
introduction.
I really struggled in providing the proper context before quotes in this essay. For
example, when I wrote “it can be described as a system that is designed for people of color to
fail. Coates’ states, “But the fear and violence were the weaponry of both..” you questioned what
the context was for this quote. Your question and commented says, “What is the context for this
quote? Remember it is necessary to lead your reader into the quotes/passages you select. They
need to know context. For example, you can write something like, " Coates compares the danger
of streets to the danger of failing school when he writes..” This comment clearly states that I
need to give readers more context so that they can have more information for what I’m about to
argue. The comment also provides me with an example of context which will be useful for
writing essay 4 context. I will also refer back to the example outline we were given in class
march 6th.

5. What questions do you have about how to improve any specific part of your writing? List 2
questions you have based upon the comments I gave you on the essay.
● Is it OK to repeat the same key terms in claims?
● Is there a specific guideline to writing introductions? Or should I just include all the
answers to your “how?” questions to improve my introduction?

Part 2: Reflection on Outline Workshop

1. Based upon your work in class today, on a scale of 1-5, how confident do you feel about your
outline? Rate yourself and explain your rating: 1= not confident and 5 = very confident.
Based on the outline workshop we had, I realized that my outline needs a lot of work. I
would rate the current outline I have a 2 or 3 because not all the claims and ideas I have are that
bad. This workshop was useful because explaining what my essay will be about to a partner
helped me realize if all my ideas make sense or not.

2. What do you think is your strongest claim? Write it below and explain why it is your strongest
claim.
Claim #2: The United States has contributed to the violence experienced in the Northern Triangle
and it should be there responsibility to take in those affected by the violence they helped cause.
I think this is my strongest claim because it is something that I can prove with the text and
external sources. The claim does need some revision in the way it is written but the idea is good.

3. What do you think is your weakest claim? Write it below and explain why it is your weakest
claim and how you plan on revising this claim.
Claim #3: These children have risked their lives to escape danger and that should grant them
some assurance of protection in a new country.
I think this is my weakest claim because I don’t know how to put my idea into words yet. I am
basically trying to say that these children have been born into violence, they face violence on
their journey here and because of that, they should be granted some assurance of protection in
the United States. I was thinking I could briefly describe violence in their homeland and as a
quote I could describe La Bestia. This claim needs to be thought out more.

4. Where in your essay outline do you think you can introduce your concession? After which
claim? Explain the concession you think you might be able to use in your argument and where
you think it might fit.
I plan on introducing my concession before my thesis because I want to say that the right
to safety is a universal right. (need to ask for help)

5. What are your next steps for drafting? Be specific and explain.
First, I plan on actually rereading Luiseli’s book and writing down her claims that clearly
show why these children should be granted asylum on thursday. On friday, I plan on revising my
thesis and my claims and I want to make sure my claims connect to my overall thesis. On
saturday or sunday, I want to start writing my body paragraphs that include at least one of my
external sources to help support my claims.

Part 3: Reflect on Research for Essay 4

1. What topics do you most want to research based upon Luiselli's text? List your top 3 topics.
● Treaties/ programs ex Bracero program- that were established for migrants years back
that were unrightfully taken away
● PTSD from violence in homeland, journey to U.S, and traumatizing experiences they face
in the U.S
● Family separation.
2. For each topic, explain WHY you are interested in this topic.
Programs for migrants in the past- Tapia mentioned treaties that had been established that were
meant for legal migration but then there was a sweep removal of migrants. I want to know how
government went about this sweep and I want to show that it was illegal to do this to migrants.

PTSD- I want to learn about the PTSD that these children experience because it ultimately
proves how intense this violence is. It will help prove my argument that after so much violence
and trauma, they should be granted asylum or some form or relief.

Family separation- I want to research the families that are separated by borders specifically
children. I want to prove that it is a child's right to be able to reunite with their parents in the U.S
and that they shouldn’t be sent back to that same violence.

3. For each of the above topics, write an open-ended question that you can try to answer with the
research you conduct this Thursday.
Programs for migrants- Originally, why did the United States create these programs for legal
migration? How could I argue that these programs were to use the people for their labor and kick
them out when they were no longer needed?
PTSD- What are the reasons that these children might develop PTSD? Who helps these children
and their PTSD?
Family separation- Why do these families separate? What effects can separation do to a child?

4. What is your plan for research? Where will you go to research and find your sources? Explain
your plan for research.
First, I plan on researching some of the websites thats Luiselli lists in her bibliography. I will
also look for external sources on my own but I want to make sure they are not biased sites that
dislike migration or sites that are based on opinion and feeling only. I want sources that state
facts and talk about what's really going on in the world. I plan on using my time wisely thursday
so that I can ask my teacher and peer questions. I also plan on getting all my research out of the
way friday and saturday.