Misunderstood Chapter 3 notes

1. Transition – starts with recognizing something is about to change, or has already

changed. It means grieving the loss of what was, and becoming comfortable with the new
experience of what now is. Transition is a constant part of life for TCKs.
2. Loss
a. Leaving a house/neighborhood that felt like home
b. Losing pets unable to travel to new location
c. Losing “safe place”
d. Losing social status in a new place
e. Starting again as a new kid
f. Loss of academic status when moving to a new school
g. Gradually losing friendships because of distance
h. Distance from extended family
3. Grief – natural healing process. It is seen as a sign that a person lost something or
someone meaningful in their lives. It is a signal of a loss. There are layers of grief.
4. Unresolved Grief – people ignoring their grief. In a state of denial. Not giving the
grieving process its due diligence so healing can happen
5. Grieving well – This means allowing grief to take its course. Letting it be resolved and
integrated. Grieving allows the child to grow as a TCK.
6. Five Stages of Grief- is a theory introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
a. Denial – trying to pretend a loss doesn’t matter
b. Anger- TCK realizes the loss really does matter to them and they are powerless to
prevent it
c. Bargaining- TCK may look for things they could or should be doing, or not doing,
to make things better. They will try to fix what seems broken. Hanging on to what
was and looking for ways to minimize change
d. Depression- sadness. All other attempts to alleviate pain has failed
e. Acceptance- active integration of the loss. Leads to a sense of freedom

Biblical links – On Feb. 4th of this year a friend of mine I went to high school with passed away.
When I attended the funeral service, the pastor was preaching about the notion of stability. He
was consoling us by saying that when we experience something unexpected, dramatic, and
beyond our understanding, we might feel alone and unstable in this world. He assured us that
there is stability somewhere. He reminded us that Jesus is that rock, that immovable force that
we could always depend on when we feel that there is no purpose or when we lose our way and
focus. Jesus is stable in his Truth and reason. It is something we can always count on; especially
through times of grief and despair.

It is better to go to the house of mourning

than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart (Ecclesiastes 7:2).
This verse is making the implication that there are some benefits from grief. Grief can refresh
our perspective of life.