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TOP TEN LISTS TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE OFFICE 97
ANNOUNCEMENT AT COMDEX 10. Actually, 97 isn't the release year. It's
the percentage of features you'll never use. 9. Sorry, Mr. Dole, that's not what we
meant by "zero administration." 8. Actually, 97 isn't the release year. It's the number of
megabytes a compact installation takes up. 7. We would have added more features,
but all the good programmers are at Netscape. 6. Actually, 97 isn't the release
year. It's the number of lawsuits we had to settle to be able to ship the thing.
5. Look out! I mean, Outlook! 4. Actually, 97 isn't the release year. It's how many times we
mentioned "Internet" in the press release. 3. That's not the AltaVista blimp...that's the
advertising budget! 2. Actually, 97 isn't the release year. It's where our stock will be
if this doesn't fly. 1. Now, Bill, remember: it's Office 97, not "son of Bob."
TOP TEN SLOGANS MICROSOFT AND INTEL WON'T DARE USE TO PROMOTE NETPCS
10. Like television, but without that pesky reliability. 9. Ease of use from the people who
brought you DOS and the 286. 8. Works better on tough headaches than Larry Ellison's NC.
7. Proud to be your node. 6. Intel (and not much else) inside. 5. In cyberspace,
no one can hear you scream. 4. NetPC: computing for dummies. 3.
Microsoft NetPC: because we can. 2. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 1. Have
you had your crash today? TOP TEN INTERNET HALLOWEEN
COSTUMES 10. CompuServe, dressed as America Online
9. "Wired," as the headless horseman 8. Scott McNealy as lunch 7.
Microsoft Network as a 300-bps modem 6. AOL's Steve Case and Ted Leonsis as Laurel and
Hardy 5. John Sculley as the Invisible Man 4. Larry Ellison as Michael
Jackson 3. Marc Andreessen as Bill Gates 2. Bill Gates as the Grim Reaper
1. Office 97 as Microsoft Bob YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD IS A
HACKER WHEN... he never sleeps the fcc is
always at the door he has 5 cell fones he always has nice stuff but it
doesn't work he speaks in some jive language he has friends in every 3rd
world country he has no phone bill he has seven lines but pays for
none he asks for a case of Coke for Christmas he never lets you use your own
credit cards he doesn't talk much but types fast he is paranoid and doesn't
leave the house he speaks in acronmys he comes home with garbage
bags marked At&t he is extremely sensitive to light he has no respect for
anyone he gets straight a's in school without attending he has spare parts for all
electronic objects he has logs of other peoples chat the power goes out
he fixes it he has his own radio station he always has bad lag he
watches space shuttle launches with unusual interest for such a young kid
he drives an At&t truck he drools at passing telco vans with 4 or 5 linemans handsets
he is way too interested in the stock market he has a car with a license that rotates between 6 or
8 eight plates he can tell mom what number she dials from across the room he is either
very obese or very skinny with thick glasses he has manuals with 75, ROLM, Plexar, ESS5
and SWB on it he has the neighbors phone bills, credit reports, and credit card
bills he knows who is moving in next door before they move in he has taco bell, burger
king, pizza boxes, empty bottles and full ashtrays everywhere he has
10 pay phones in his room he cards pizza's every night he has 5 corpses of
Bell men in his basement he is more interested in certgov and nasagov than girls!
he only has one shirt he reads bar codes faster than the supermarket fellas he
never calls people by their full name he can hear frequencies the dog normally hears he
says he was talking long distance with a friend but you never get the bill
he can name what city someone is in by their telefone he detects police better than
radar he doesnt ever hit red lights he gets 10,000 catalogs in the mail
he is always ordering 65537 Mhz crystals he has his own fleet of nuclear subs
he can memorize card numbers in a singal glance he argues about everything
he always needs more solder he has burns from solder on his hands he eats
captain crunch cereal all day he has more friends on IRC than in home state he
writes with all 00000001 0000010 00000101 he refers to the president by his social security
number he got accepted into every college, after dropping out of highschool he carries
boxes in his pocket to school
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JAVA ____________________ The Close button closes Netscape on you. Useful
if, say, you wanted to have it masquerade as another function (like email or something)
____________________ Exploding Windows Bomb continously opens windows, over and over and
over again. Sucking up memory resources. ____________________ The Annoying Windows Button
continously prompts the user that their session has been taken hostage (which of course can be
changed to whatever you want)! Rendering the Netscape client useless to the user.
____________________ The Time Bomb sets up four timers which then calls itself to spawn off 4
more timers for each timer previously spawned. Watch the status bar to see how many times this
function gets called. ____________________ The Reload Bomb forces the user to stay at the
current page, by refreshing the page the smallest interval possible. Users will not be able to stop
the reloading process by clicking Stop or jumping to another page. ____________________ The
While Loop Lock Bomb simply does a loop forever, effectively rendering Netscape clients useless.
____________________ The Eat Memory In Time is a really interesting one! It slowly consumes as
much memory as it can over time. It has been known to do various things such as crashing
machines, increased swap file size, affecting other programs, eating cpu time and making your
machine run slooowwww. ____________________ The Form Action Bomb just plains crashes
Windows'95 Netscape 2.0 clients. ____________________ The Flood Bomb, also similar to a while
loop lock, you can send a special greeting to those who you do not allow access to your page by
showing them by using this piece of code (also make their machine go swap swap swap).
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ANTI-MICROSOFT Take the time to visit the guys at Micros0ft... [INLINE]real
name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.he is known as Bill Gates (III)converting the
letters of his current name to the ASCII-values andhis (III), you get the following: B 66 I
73 L 76 L 76 G 71 A 65 T 84 E 69 S 83 I 1 I 1 I
1 -------------- 666 !!!might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Orthe
beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the
following: M S - D O S 6 . 2 1 77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666 W I
N D O W S 9 5 87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666? You decide...
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FREE SPEECH [LINK]
[LINK] [LINK] are some sigs that
we frequently use. Disperse at will-- _-_ /^===^\ /_-^^^-_\ /=\ /=\
+-----------------------------------------------------+ (===\ /===) | When they took the fourth
amendment, I was quiet | \===\ /===/ | because I didn't deal drugs. When they took the
| \===/===/ | sixth amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent | \=/===/ |
When they took the second amendment, I was quiet | /===/. | because I didn't own a
gun. Now they've taken the | /===/==\ | first amendment, and I can say nothing about
it. | /===/.===\ | Fuck uncle sam | /===/ \===\
+-----------------------------------------------------+ /===/ \===\ \==/ \==/ \/ \/ --OR--
_-_ /^===^\ /_-^^^-_\ /=\ /=\ +-----------------------------------------------------+ (===\
/===) | When will they realise, when will they see? | \===\ /===/ | How can they
justify crippling me? | \===/===/ | Was it not our right from the day we were
born, | \=/===/ | To stand up and fight for the views of the norm? | /===/. |
They say they're trying to make us more pure, | /===/==\ | They say they're trying to
give us the cure. | /===/.===\ | Come on you guys, up on Capitol Hill, |
/===/ \===\ | You're way off base in pushing this bill. | /===/ \===\ | Back off
from our freedom, back off from our space, | \==/ \==/ | It's time you realised, we're
setting the pace. | \/ \/ +-----------------------------------------------------+
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