Extracts from

Maqasid
of Love
by:
Ustzh Raihanah Halid
Ust Dr Muhammad Haniff Hassan
21st September 2013
Civil Service Club
 Ustazah Raihanah Halid
 Ibn Qayyim expounds in his book on love,
“Raudhatul Muhibbin” that love stems from
the word ‘habbah’ meaning seed, the source
of life and the beginning of growth.
 There are ~60 derivatives of the word Hubb
in the Arabic language

 The first love story was that between Adam

a.s. and Hawwa
 Their marriage is the foundation of humankind

“The epitomy of love is when 2 people in love are united

in nikah” – Ibn Majah
The higher objective
of marriage

 The higher objective of marriage is beyond achieving a worldly

objective in this temporal life but to attain HIS mercy for the eternal
abode in the akhirah.
 Nikah itself is an ibadah, and we should start with that niyyah or
intention
 Marriage opens new doors of opportunities for ibadah which are not
available for unmarried individuals
 Having children and inculcating akhlak and good values in them
 Spending both money and time on the spouse and kids

 In marriage, actions should be free of the Cost-Benefit Analysis

pitfall, where everything is calculated
 It should be done out of goodness of the heart & with ibadah in
mind
 Marriage is also an amanah, and we must know the strategies
sanctioned in Islam when disputes and challenges arise
Surah Ar-Rum [30:21] mentions the 3
benefits of love in Islam

Sakinah (tranquility/peace/harmony)
Mawaddah (mutual affection) Higher Objectives
Rahmah (mutual compassion/grace/mercy)

Bearing and Educating,

bringing up building next
children generation

Marriage is a Treating family Emulation of

form of ibadah members kindly values

Spending on
family, providing
nafkah
 How can marriage serve the
purpose and objectives of our
existence in relation to our
spirituality?

 Main spiritual objective as a Muslim; to worship Allah s.w.t

 Marriage protects oneself from the main bodily
“attachments”, which are
 Desires of the flesh
 Desires of the stomach
 It creates a tag team to help us fulfill our Deen, no more a
sole effort of 1 person but working together to achieve
mardhatillah (pleasure of Allah)

 For a single seeking marriage, one needs to put in restraint,

controlling our action and words, and in it is also a great
reward from Allah
 It is one’s personal jihad to protect oneself from base desires
and Shaytan
 The Objectives of Marriage vis a vis
Maqasid Syar’iah

Objectives of Marriage
Hifz ad-Din Ibadah Enhanced level of spirituality

Hifz an-Nafs Tanasul Procreation

Hifz al-Aql Sakinah Emotional well-being

Hifz al-Mal Huquq Rights within marriage, including

financial obligations
Hifz an-Nasl Ibahah Protecting lineage through blessed
relations
How does marriage fulfill the maqasid
or fundamental objectives within the
framework blessed by Allah s.w.t?
 From Al-Baghawi:

 .‫به‬ ‫اليؤمن احدكم حتى يكون هواه تبعا لما جئت‬

 Which means that “One has not attained the highest level of
Imaan until one’s hawwa (desires) follows what I have
revealed.”

 For a wife choosing to work, she has to firstly ask herself

what is her intention to work, and how it is contributing to
the family institution, even before asking her husband
 What trade-off does she lose out on, in terms of time with
husband and kids
 Ustazah also reminded us that a marriage is not just
between 2 persons, it is between 2 families
Ustaz Haniff Hassan
 Love has to be in moderation. Focus on the right foundation
to love moderately, excessive love for one another other
than Allah s.w.t can be harmful
 Begin with the right and basic understanding of “to love and
be loved” concept
 “To love and be loved” is essential and natural to human life
– cherish and embrace it for it is permissible in Islam

 Love is important BUT it is NOT the only thing in life

 Wisdom of that is extracted from the Quran, how Allah s.w.t
introduces the Quran with Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim (His
names of Most Compassionate and Merciful)
 Therefore compassion and mercy (related to love) are among the
first things mentioned in the Quran

 Allah s.w.t prefers to be known as the Most Compassionate

and Merciful, above all His other attributes.
Loving in Conflict

 Ustaz believes that love is the central teaching of Islam

 There is a hadith where even in Jihad, the Prophet s.a.w did not
allow someone to take part in it without his mother’s approval.
 It is about being balanced, however he says he has found no
hadith which states that heaven or Jannah lies under the husband’s
feet
 The above does not fit into Islamic Justice where your parent had
raised a daughter up with much suffering, only to turn her back on
them with priority to the husband

 In a conflict, the optimum solution is ALWAYS to seek to harmonise

all interests first before giving priority to one person above
another
 How? Through knowledge and good counsel of the wise (seek
consultation) [16:43]
 There is a book on this Fiqh Al-Aulawiyat (Fiqh of Priorities) by Sheikh
Yusuf Qardhawi.
Love Moderately.. Or else..

 ONLY Allah s.w.t deserves unconditional love, and

absolute love belongs to HIM alone.
 Even love towards the prophets, and our parents,
spouses, fellow Muslims and mankind and all creations
are conditional, the condition being that it is for the sake
of Allah, guided by Allah’s wise guidance.

 We, especially men, must be brave to seek good counsel

from experts when problems arise. He said that from his
experience in marriage counselling, Malay men tend to
have ego and refuse to ask questions from experts
 It is not wrong in Islam for a person to love another
person, even of the opposite gender before marriage,
however there are conditions governing it, for Islam is
clear on avoiding anything that may lead to zina
The Love Hierarchy

 Mercy is the objective of the Prophet’s mission [21:107]

 Not just divine love, Hawwa was created so that Adam
a.s. can “love and be loved” by fellow human beings
(concept of lateral relations vs vertical relations)
 Implies the importance and centrality of love (although
not the only objective and value in Islam) to Muslim life
 Basic degree of Love
 Allah s.w.t (unconditional)
 The Prophet s.a.w
 Fellow believers

 Among the highest in rank within fellow believers is our

parents
 Parents come after Allah in Surah Luqman [31:13-14] and
in many hadith
 A good Muslim doesn’t abandon his or her parents or put
the love of his parents to the margin for a loving life
companion
How to Love Moderately?

 Since Allah is above all and since His bountiful love for us
naturally means we reciprocate our love for Him, how do we
do it? Simply, as a lover should do, by doing actions which
pleases Him, not as we wish/desire
 This is not to mean out of fear of His wrath/punishment, but
out of deep love of Him, for a true lover is one who is
grateful to the One who loves him so much, reciprocating in
the best way

 Be competent in all aspects (knowledge, skills, finance, etc)

 Remember that mercy and compassion accompany
authority, a merciful master is willingly respected while a
feared master only commands ‘respect’ under force

 Islam promotes gradualism, we must allow gradual

adjustment in a marriage; giving time to settle down as
husband and wife before having kids. There is much hikmah
is gradualism  non-permanent family planning is
permissible in Islam
Communion of Love aka Marriage

 What does marriage seek to achieve? [30:21]

 Sakinah
 Mawaddah
 Rahmah

 Simply, it means being HAPPY!

 Ultimate result = ultimate communion of love with Allah and the
Prophet = ultimate happiness for all Muslims
 Being happy (following His divine guidance) in this worldly
communion of love begins with:
 Right intention/vision of life
 Right knowledge (of divine guidance on life and marriage)
 Right behaviour / practice (akhlak)
 Right circle of friends (religion of a person depends on friends he keep)

 Like attracts like (with personal effort) [24:26]. Hence when we

internalise all the above, they will guide us in our life choices
 When we are not happy, check and reflect the above rights, for
perhaps there is something wrong with our vision, understanding
or knowledge, and seek expert consultation
A Divine Way
 As in the Al Fatihah
 Begin with the name of the Lord = for His blessings via His
guidance
 Approach marriage with the right vision; with love first, not
power
 Avoid approaching marriage from the ‘rights &
responsibilities’ position, rather.. approach from love to
achieve happiness, and from samahah (give and take
attitude)
 Having a commitment to service (dutiful) to our loved ones
(family members) 24/7
 Be a guide and a role model, not just commanding or
bossing around

 Divine Guidance is not rigid

 There is plenty room for flexibility and diversity
 Don’t stick to one “presumed divine guidance”
 Islam has >1000 years of intellectual heritage, it can offer
all sorts of solution to our problems (it is not shopping for
opinions, given the right niyyah it gives an opportunity to
find a good potential solution
LOVE