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Pearson Tutor Services Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing
Pearson Tutor Services' Online Writing Center to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Justine! I am Francis B., your tutor for today, and I am excited to help you improve your
writing. Let's begin!
*Writing Strength:

You do a good job in focusing each of your body paragraphs on a single point of discussion. This
makes your ideas organized and easy to follow. Good work!

Organization

First, your discussion about the factors is unorganized. Your readers will not easily follow that part of
your paper as a result.

In your discussion about the patterns, you talk about endogamy first. However, at the last part of your
paper, in your discussion about the factors, the last subtopic that you cover is the one about
endogamy. In other words, you do not discuss the factors in the same order that you talk about them
in the previous paragraphs. To make your ideas organized, make sure that you reorganize your
discussion about the factors. Make sure that you talk about the factors in the same order that you
discuss in the previous paragraphs. How will you reorganize the details at the last part of your paper,
Justine?

*Justine 10586194 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure:

Next, I noticed that there are comma splices in your paper. There is a comma splice when two
independent clauses are connected only by a comma. It will be difficult for your readers to understand
some of your ideas because of this issue. Here is a comma splice from your draft:

My aunt’s identity will stay anonymous as requested, therefore, I will call her by a random
name she has chosen which is Jasmine.

In this sentence, there are two independent clauses: “My aunt’s identity will stay anonymous as
requested” and “therefore, I will call her by a random name she has chosen which is Jasmine.”
However, they are connected only by a comma. To help you correct this, take a look at the examples
below:

(Comma splice)

She warned everyone about the consequences of his or her actions, however, no one listened
to her advice.

(Connected by a semicolon)

She warned everyone about the consequences of his or her actions; however, no one listened
to her advice.

(Separated into two sentences)

She warned everyone about the consequences of his or her actions. However, no one listened
to her advice.

The first of the examples above is a comma splice. The two independent clauses, “She warned
everyone about the consequences of his or her actions” and “however, no one listened to her advice,”
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are connected only by a comma. The next examples are the different ways to fix a comma splice. The
first way to do this is to connect the two ideas with a semicolon instead. Another way is by separating
the ideas into two sentences. Which of the methods do you think will work best for your paper?

*Justine 10586194 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:

Lastly, I noticed that you do not place commas before the coordinating conjunctions in some of your
compound sentences. Your readers will not easily understand your ideas in the sentences that contain
this error, Justine. Here is an example from your draft:

She is currently married to her second husband and he’s of Mexican heritage.

There are two independent clauses in this compound sentence: She is currently married to her second
husband and he’s of Mexican heritage. Although you place the coordinating conjunction “and” between
the two clauses, they are still not properly separated. A comma should be placed before the
conjunction to let your readers know where the first independent clause ends and where the other one
begins. Compare this with the example below:

I help her with her homework, and she helps me with my work assignments.

Here, there are two independent clauses: I help her with her homework and she helps me with my
work assignments. The readers can easily know where the first idea ends since a comma is placed
before the coordinating conjunction “and.” These are the coordinating conjunctions: for, and, nor, but,
or, yet, and so. Check your other sentences for the similar error.

Summary of Next Steps:

 Reorganize the discussion about the factors.

 Fix the comma splices.
 Place commas before the coordinating conjunctions in your compound sentences.
Thank you for submitting your draft for a review, Justine. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the
revision process. Have a great day! ~Francis B.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Please look for more comments [in bold and in brackets] in your draft below.Thank you for
submitting your work to Pearson Tutor Services! We hope to see you again soon.
I have conducted an anthropological study of kinship through a one-on-one interview

with a family member. Prior to the interview, I made sure I gained informed consent from the

informant. I chose my mother’s sister as my informant. She was very compliant and easy to

interview. I did not encounter any issues throughout the interview, and we were comfortable with

each other’s presence. She’s my only aunt from my mother’s side, so she’s like another mother

to me. We bond like mother and daughter when we’re around each other and are as open as

possible with each other’s personal lives. I decided to interview her at her house since her place

has a calmer environment. The interview was conducted on a warm, Saturday afternoon after my
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aunt finished eating lunch and doing some house chores. We were sitting on the living room

sofas with two of her kids while they were on their phones. There were aware of the interview,

so they were as quiet as possible.[You need to replace “there” with a plural subjective

pronoun.]

My aunt’s identity will stay anonymous as requested, therefore, I will call her by a

random name she has chosen which is Jasmine. Jasmine’s a 51-year-old full blooded Filipina

who was born in the Philippines. She is currently married to her second husband and he’s of

Mexican heritage. They have an eleven-year-old daughter and no son together. However,

Jasmine has five older kids with her first husband, who has passed away. She met her first

husband at the Philippines. and had all five kids there before she and her children emigrated to

the U.S.[You need to remove the period before “and.”] Jasmine also had a miscarriage during

her first marriage. Jasmine and her first husband separated before he passed away. She received

some high school education back in the Philippines but never graduated. Even after moving to

the U.S. in 2001, she did not pursue her education and went straight to working at warehouse

jobs. Currently, she’s unemployed but on disability. She lives with her husband and five kids in a

two-story home in a semi-upscale neighborhood. Jasmine’s only married child moved out and

lives with his wife and son, but they live in the same neighborhood. As of religion, Jasmine is

Catholic.

Based on my interview, one of the kinship patterns I identified is endogamy. Starting

with my aunt’s parents, they were from within the same local community back in the Philippines.

Most of my grandparent's siblings also married within the same community. Even my parents

were from the same locality in the Philippines. My aunt and her first husband were neighbors. In

fact, my aunt has a very interesting story about her first marriage in relation to her brother’s
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marriage. Her first husband and her brother’s wife are siblings. I already knew this, so I wasn’t

surprised, but whenever she reminds me, I am still amazed because I find it peculiar for siblings

to marry a pair of siblings. In her defense, she explained that it was not planned and was pure

coincidence. However, Jasmine and her first husband were first to date. Jasmine stated that their

province in the Philippines was so small almost everybody knew everyone. She continues to

explain, “since we already know the people from our province, we were more comfortable and

felt safer marrying someone from there.”

A second kinship pattern that I determined from the interview is a pattern of no divorce,

except for Jasmine. Besides Jasmine’s first marriage, everyone who married never had a divorce.

Jasmine answers that her divorce was a necessary action due to an unhealthy and unhappy

marriage. She feels that she just had pure bad luck with her first marriage because everyone else

in her family who married from within the province did not need a divorce. Along with the fact

that everyone knew everyone, their families knew about one another as well. Therefore, if any

act of cheating, physical abuse, verbal abuse, or argument happens between the couple, they

would find out and they would try to help the couple resolve their issues. I asked if being

religious has any effect to their lack of divorce, and she replied, “yes and no because they believe

that when a man and woman gets married they are supposed to be together till death like what

the bible says, but sometimes divorce is needed because life’s not perfect.” Essentially, she’s

trying to say that their religion is a big part of marriage and it’s not at the same time, because

whether the couple is religious or not, it is up to the couple if they want to stay together.

I noticed a third pattern of kinship which is a change in sexual orientation. Two of

Jasmine’s kids consider themselves homosexual. One of Jasmine’s brother’s daughter also

considers herself a lesbian. In addition, two of Jasmine’s cousin’s sons are gay. This is a
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sensitive topic, but my aunt’s always been accepting and positive about these situations. Despite

her religious beliefs, she states that she never judged or criticized her kids or anyone else for

changing their sexual orientation. She also said, “maybe it just runs down the family, like it’s

part of our genes because back in the Philippines, there’s a lot of gay and lesbians in our

province even though their parents are religious like us.” Nevertheless, my aunt asserts, “I’m

happy you know because even if they became homosexual, they’re still the same person and it

didn’t stop them from becoming successful in life.”

Lastly, the fourth kinship pattern I identified are the ideas about when children become

“adults”. I noticed that even though the children in Jasmine’s kinship chart are eighteen, the U.S.

adult age, they are not considered adults in Jasmine’s family. When Jasmine’s kids turned

eighteen, she talks about how they were nowhere close to being independent or have the

mentality of an adult. Adulthood to my aunt’s family is usually when their kids are employed

full-time and can support themselves. Even if their child is married or has a child of their own, if

they cannot financially support themselves, then they're not adults. The adults will still treat the

eighteen-year-old like a kid. I’ve witnessed that myself. They usually expect you to have your

life together after you graduate college and get a stable full-time job. This is the time that they

call you a grown up and will treat you as an adult. The age you may be at this time of your life is

usually in your late twenties or early thirties. I asked my aunt if that’s a bit too late to be treating

your child as adult and her response is, “that’s fine with me as long as they finish school and find

a good job, they’re my babies forever, even your mom is like that with you and your sister, and

same with your uncle with his kids. We will let our children be our babies for as long as

we can until they’re ready to be on their own.”

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There are holistic factors that may help explain the family patterns I have described. The

holistic factor that might contribute to the kinship pattern of no divorce is religion. Religion can

greatly impact the ideas of marriage and divorce. Jasmine’s family is Catholic which means they

believe in the Catholic views of marriage and divorce. Catholicism views marriage as a

permanent union of two people, therefore a divorce is not accepted. In Jasmine’s kinship chart,

there is only one annulment. Also, I think an impact of migration has influenced her beliefs about

marriage, because the intensity of religion in the Philippines is high throughout the country, but

in the U.S. there’s more freedom and less pressure of religion on people’s lives.[The comma

before the subordinating conjunction “because” is unnecessary. In the English grammar,

you only place commas before coordinating conjunctions and a few subordinating

conjunctions such as although, though, even though, whereas and while. These are the

coordinating conjunctions: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so.] Gender roles is the holistic

factor for the change of sexual orientation. The role of women in the Philippines are housewife,

taking care of the kids, cooking, doing house chores, feeding their animals, etc. On the other

hand, men are expected to do the back-breaking jobs and when they come home, they eat and

rest. Due to the extreme pressure of gender role inequality, I think some young boys and girls

realize that they don’t want to live up to society’s expectations that forcibly shapes who they are

as a person due to the lack of freedom. The holistic factor for the idea of when children become

an adult is close family ties. Filipino families are known to be tight knit and family oriented.

Extended households are quite common in which grandparents live with one of their married

children and their children. Even when their grandchildren turn eighteen, they stay within the

same household unless they move out for college. Both grandparents and parents will support the

children as much as possible until they’re done with school and get a job. Agricultural livelihood
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is the holistic factor for Jasmine’s kinship pattern of endogamy. Since agriculture is their main

livelihood, families typically do not leave their homes, therefore it is practical for them to marry

someone from within the province.

According to the article “Endogamy as a Basis for Ethnic Behavior”, the author argues

that endogamy explains ethnicity (Whitmeyer 1997, 162). Whitmeyer presents evidence to

support his claim that endogamy causes ethnic behavior (1997, 170). The author further states

that primordialists suggest “that ethnicity is an extension of kinship, for one's actual kin indeed

share genes with one's descendants” (Whitmeyer 1997, 170). He includes the HPCP principle,

“genetic interest of likely progenitors of our descendants” and (MES) minimal endogamous set

(Whitmeyer 1997, 164). Whitmeyer proposes that the MES theorem is an essential justification

of ethnic behavior (1997, 175).

Work Cited

Whitmeyer, Joseph. 1997. “Endogamy as a Basis for Ethnic Behavior.” Sociological Theory.

15(2):162-178. https://www.jstor.org/stable/201952