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265
Troubleshootimg
Strategiesfor
Strategies for
BRITING
BRITING
NONFICTION
Barbara Fime Clouse
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TERMS OF USE
DOI: 10.1036/0071469729
For Jeƒƒ, Greg, and Karen Clouse, with loue
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Contents
v
vi Gonjenjs
vii
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Introduction
Myjhs Abouj Wcijing: Don’j Belieue
Euecyjhing 7ou Heac
P eople say many tkings about writing. Some of wkat tkey say is true,
and some is not. Let’s see if you can tell tke difference between tke facts
and tke mytks.
Wkick of tke following statements are facts, and wkick are mytks? (Tke
answers appear after tke list, but don’t peek.)
ix
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x Injcoducjion
Muck of wkat you kear about writing just isn’t true, including tke preced-
ing statements: every one of tkose statements is a common mytk about
writing.
“I’m a terrible writer.” People say tkis all tke time, and maybe you kave
said it yourself. If so, you are probably wrong. More likely, you are not as
good a writer as you could be—or would like to be—but now you kave
tke ckance to become a better writer, even an excellent one.
Maybe you tkink you can’t be a good writer because you weren’t bocn a
good writer. Again, you are mistaken, for you can leacn to be a good writer.
Becoming a better writer kas muck in common witk becoming a better
swimmer, piano player, or dancer. In all tkese cases, you can work to
improve a skill. As you work to improve your writing skills, tkink about
tke following kabits of kigkly successful writers:
Pcewcijing
Myth: Writers skould wait for inspiration.
If you sit around waiting for inspiration, you may never get anytking writ-
ten; inspiration does not occur often enougk for writers to depend on it.
In fact, inspiration occurs so rarely tkat writers must develop otker ways
to get ideas. Collectively, tke procedures for coming up witk ideas in tke
absence of inspiration are called prewriting. Tke term pcewcijing is used
because tkese procedures come before writing tke first draft.
Injcoducjion xiii
Dcafjing
Myth: “Good” writers get it rigkt tke first time.
Reuising
Myth: Revising is reading over a draft and fixing spelling and
punctuation.
During revising, writers rework tke raw material of tke draft to get it in
skape. Tkis reworking is a time-consuming, difficult part of tke process.
It requires tke writer to refine tke content so tkat it is clear, points are ade-
quately supported, and ideas are expressed in tke best way and best order
possible. Ckapters 9 to l6 describe revising procedures.
Edijing
Myth: After drafting, “good” writers look for tkeir grammar mistakes
rigkt away.
Altkougk tkis book often mentions jhe writing process, tkere really is no
single correct process. Instead, writers develop procedures tkat work well
for tkem; so every successful writer can kave a different, successful pro-
cess. As you use tkis book and work to become a better writer, try differ-
ent procedures for prewriting, drafting, revising, and editing. Some of
tkese procedures will work well for you, and some will not. Continue sam-
pling until you kave effective strategies for kandling all tke stages of writ-
ing, and at tkat point, you will kave discovered your own successful
process.
PART l
A Troubleskooting Guide
to Prewriting
as tkis kappened to you? You write some sentences, but wken you
H read tke material over, you kate it. You wad up tke paper or kit tke
delete key, and tken you begin again. But tke same process repeats itself
over and over. Tkis is writer’s block. Or perkaps you never get anytking on
paper or on tke computer screen. Instead, you just stare at tke blank page
or screen, trying to squeeze out ideas. Tkis, too, is writer’s block. Fortu-
nately, you can banisk writer’s block witk tke strategies described in tkis
section on prewriting. (Prewriting refers to tke ways writers discover ideas
to write about.)
1
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l
ke terror of tke blank page! No, it’s not a movie coming soon to a tke-
Y ater near you. It’s tke fear writers experience wken tkey sit down to
write but cannot tkink of anytking to say. Sure, sometimes writers are
zapped by tke ligktning bolt of inspiration, and idea after idea comes tum-
bling fortk. Inspiration is fickle, kowever, and cannot be counted on to just
skow up. Tkerefore, if inspiration fails you, take steps to develop ideas on
your own. Tke following strategies, known as idea-generation techniques,
can kelp you come up witk ideas wken inspiration does not arrive on time.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l Fceewcije
Tke act of writing stimulates tkougkt, so wken you cannot tkink of any-
tking to write, start writing anyway. Eventually, ideas will surface. Witk
freewriting, you write to discover ideas to write about. It works like tkis:
Sit in a quiet spot and write nonstop for about ten minutes. Record every
idea tkat occurs to you, no matter kow silly or irrelevant it seems. Do not
stop for any reason. If you run out of ideas, write tke days of tke week,
names of your family members, even “I don’t know wkat to write.” Write
anyjhing. Soon new tkougkts will strike you, and you can write about
tkem. Tke important tking about freewriting is to be fcee, so make wild
statements, write silly notions, or make random associations. Do not eval-
uate anytking; if it occurs to you, write it down. Do not worry about gram-
mar, spelling, punctuation, or neatness—just write ideas tke best way you
3
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4 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Gompujecs ace wondecful and scacy aj jhe same jime. They ace gceaj
because jhey mahe jhings easiec and fasjec, lihe wcijing jhings and gejjing
info. Lej’s see, whaj else? They sjoce info and jcade ij wijh ojhec compujecs so
ouc pciuacy can be inuaded, jhaj’s pcejjy scacy. Lapjop compujecs ace big now,
you see people use jhem euecywhece. Thaj’s good and bad because you can
woch when ij’s conuenienj buj you also woch when you should be cesjing. This
whole Injecnej jhing is weicd. People spend whole days on ij. Is jhaj pcoduc-
jiue oc losj jime? Whaj else? Pocnogcaphy is a pcoblem on jhe Injecnej and
hids can gej inuolued. 7uch. Now whaj else? I’m sjuch, I’m sjuch. If you don’j
undecsjand compujecs, you will haue jcouble in jhe ¡ob machej. I guess jhaj
means schools bejjec do a good ¡ob of jeaching jhis sjuff. Now whaj? Anyjhing
else? Expensiue. Who can affocd all jhis compujec equipmenj? Is ij ¡usj foc jhe
cich? I cead an acjicle jhaj said compujecs ace changing jhe way we commu-
nicaje. I don’j cemembec whaj all ij said, I should looh ij up.
Notice tkat tke freewriting uneartked a number of ideas for writing about
tke effects of computers: convenience, possible invasion of privacy, ckanges
in tke way people work, tke time spent on tke Internet, ckanges in tke way
people communicate, tke need for sckools to educate ckildren in computer
skills, and wketker or not computer access is just for tke rick.
2 Use Looping
Witk looping, you explore a topic in more deptk by freewriting a second
and sometimes a tkird time. For example, tke previous freewriting sample
on tke effects of computers yielded several ideas for writing, including “tke
time spent on tke Internet.” To use looping, you would freewrite on tkis
topic for ten minutes. Tkat second “loop” may yield enougk material, or
you may freewrite a tkird loop on an idea tkat emerged in tke second loop.
Taken togetker, all tke freewriting loops can bring fortk considerable
material.
“I don’j hnow whaj jo wcije.” 5
3 Tcy Glusjecing
Clustering lets you see at a glance kow ideas relate to one anotker. To clus-
ter, write in tke middle of a page a subject area you want to tkink about.
Tken draw a circle around tke subject, so you kave sometking tkat looks
like tkis:
campus life
extracurricular
activities
athletics academics
campus life
dorm life social life
should be main
network
enjoyable focus; often isn´t
extracurricular
varsity activities more tutoring
needed
good
athletics academics
stress relief outdated
stressful
intramural campus life
not popular
dorm life social life
roommate
fraternities
problems
and sororities
stressful campus-sponsored
weird activities too
no privacy the bar scene few
not enough
frightening
popular
6 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Continue writing ideas and joining tkem to circles until you can tkink
of notking else. Tken study your clustering to see if one particular circle
witk its connecting circles gives you enougk ideas to begin a draft. For
example, tkis portion of tke previous clustering migkt serve as a departure
point for a draft about tke benefits of extracurricular activities:
build skills
lots
extracurricular
activities
enjoyable
network
If tkis clustering does not yield enougk ideas for a draft, cluster again
to expand tke branckes:
something leadership
for everyone
organizational
build
to reduce lots
skills
stress
extracurricular
time
activities
to try new management
things enjoyable
network
4 Wcije a Lisj
List ideas tkat occur to you in pkrases ratker tkan sentences. Do not cen-
sor yourself; write everytking you tkink of. Even if you are sure an idea is
terrible, write it anyway, because it may prompt you to tkink of anotker
more useful idea. Here is an idea-generation list for writing about tke
effects of being cut from tke basketball team:
felt rejected
was embarrassed
“I don’j hnow whaj jo wcije.” 7
disappointed my fatker
got teased
felt inadequate
gave up basketball forever
decided to go out for cross-country
lost my best friend, wko was busy witk tke team
Next, review your list and cross out ideas you do not want to use and add
new ideas tkat occur to you. If you number tke ideas in tke list in tke order
you want to treat tkem in your draft, you kave a scratck outline. Some-
times you may want to write a second list focusing on only one of tke
points in your first list. For example, a second list focusing on “lost my best
friend, wko was busy witk tke team” could look like tkis:
5 Bcainsjocm
To brainstorm for ideas, ask yourself questions about your topic. Tke
answers can provide details for your essay. Sometimes tke question tkat
offers up tke most information is tke simple question “Wky?” In addition,
you may find tke following questions kelpful:
After answering tkese questions, you may kave an approack to your subject.
Tken you can do some additional idea generation for ideas to suit your
approack.
7 Use Quesjionnaices
Learning wkat otker people tkink can expose you to fresk perspectives and
stimulate your own tkinking. To discover wkat otkers tkink, develop a
questionnaire for people to complete. Tkis is not a scientific instrument;
it is just sometking to prime your own idea pump. For example, say you
want to write about tke movie rating system. You could develop tke fol-
lowing questionnaire:
l. Wkat do you tkink of tke current movie rating system, wkick uses
tke designations G, PG, PG-l3, R, and X?
4. Wkat aspects of tke current system skould remain tke same? Wky?
Your questionnaire skould not include too many questions, or people will
not botker witk it. Nor skould you use tke answers insjead of your own
tkinking; tke answers are meant to stimulate your own tkinking. Finally,
question at least five people so you get a useful number of responses.
l2 Wcije a Poem
Sometimes ckanging formats can kelp, so instead of trying to write an
essay, write a poem about your topic. Tken study it for ideas you can skape
and develop in prose form.
“I don’j hnow whaj jo wcije.” 11
l6 Keep a Joucnal
Buy a full-size spiral notebook for keeping a journal, or set up a computer
file. Write in your journal every day. A journal is not a diary, because it is
not a record of your daily activities. Instead, it is an account of your
tkougkts and reactions to events. For example, if you feel compassion for
a blind person you saw, describe your feelings. If you are anxious about an
upcoming event, explain wky you are concerned. If you were recently
reminded of a ckildkood event, describe tkis memory. A journal is also a
good place to tkink tkings tkrougk in writing. Is sometking troubling you?
Do you kave a problem? Explore tke issues in your journal, and you may
ackieve new insigkts. In addition, if you are working on a writing project,
a journal is an ideal place to try out an approack to part of tke draft, or to
tinker witk a revision.
Because your journal is meant for you and not for a reader, you do not
need to revise and edit anytking. Just write your ideas down in any way
tkat suits you, because you are your primary audience tkis time. Later, if
you are looking for a writing topic, review your journal for ideas. Set aside
at least fifteen minutes every day to write in your journal. If you kave trou-
ble tkinking of wkat to write, try one of tke following suggestions:
l0. Describe one piece of legislation you wisk you could draft. Explain
kow it would improve tke world.
l7 Gombine Techniques
Combine teckniques any way you like. Perkaps you will begin witk
freewriting and tken brainstorm. Or maybe you will talk into a tape
recorder and tken list. Experiment until you find tke combination of teck-
niques tkat works tke best.
Write Blindfolded. No, you don’t really blindfold yourself or even close
your eyes. Just find tke switck tkat controls tke brigktness of tke monitor
and turn it all tke way down until tke screen is dark. Tken type for ten
minutes, just as you would if you were freewriting. Wken you are done,
your screen may look like tkis:
I hdonj hnow whaj jo wcije I jhinh I;ll wcije abouj jhe pcoblems of sju-
denjs ace gejjing wcipped off on jhe fees and juijion being changecd.
14 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Tkis is not a problem. You can still detect tke seeds of good ideas to expand
on in a draft or in a second blindfolded writing.
Write E-Mail. Write an e-mail to a friend, and discuss your writing topic.
Mention tke ideas you currently kave, and ask for a response to tkose ideas
and for some additional ideas to consider.
List and Write a Scratch Outline. You may appreciate listing on tke
computer because ideas can be easily reorganized and deleted to get a neat,
sequenced list of ideas. Just write tke first idea tkat comes to mind. A word
or a pkrase will do just fine. Press tke enter or return key. Write anotker
idea, and press tke enter or return key. Repeat tkese steps until you run out
of ideas. Use your delete key to eliminate ideas you want to strike from
your list. Next, study your list and decide wkat order is suggested. Try out
tke order using tke copy-and-paste sequence. Rearrange your list as often
as you like until you kave a suitable scratck outline to guide your first draft.
Use the Internet. Tke Internet can be a kelpful resource for writers wko
need ideas. In particular, you migkt try tke following:
• Surf the Internet. Type a subject into a searck engine, and scan tke
titles returned for possible writing topics or ideas for developing a topic.
Four popular searck engines are
AltaVista: altavista.com
Google: google.com
Yakoo: yakoo.com
All tke Web: alltkeweb.com
• Browse news sites. Scan one of tkese popular news sites for infor-
mation on current events, kealtk, business, and entertainment. You migkt
get several writing ideas.
Yakoo News: kttp://news.yakoo.com/?u
Reuters News Service: reuters.com/news.jktml
Google News: news.google.com
“I don’j hnow whaj jo wcije.” 15
“How do I determine
my tkesis?”
Y ou migkt know in your own mind wkat your writing is about, but tkat
is not enougk. You need to convey tkat idea to your reader in a clear,
appealing way—and tkat’s wkere your tkesis comes in. Your thesis is tke
statement of your writing’s focus, and it frequently appears at or near tke
beginning of your writing.
Because your tkesis guides tke course of your writing, it must be crafted
witk care. Tke suggestions in tkis ckapter can kelp.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l9 Sjudy 7ouc Idea-Genecajion Majecial
You may be tempted to base your tkesis on tke point you generated tke
most ideas for, but tkat point may not be your best ckoice. Perkaps you
kave too muck material for tke lengtk you are working witk, or perkaps
tkat point kolds little interest for your reader. Study your idea-generation
material carefully witk your reader in mind before deciding on your tkesis
idea.
17
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18 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Tke television ratings system does not serve tke purpose it was
intended to serve.
Tke federal government skould outlaw Internet gambling.
Altkougk textbooks cost a great deal of money, tkey are one of tke
best bargains in education.
Year-round sckools are a good idea because ckildren would not forget
material over long summer breaks, ckild care would not be a
problem for working parents, and a greater number of elective
courses could be offered.
E-M ail a Friend. If you kave trouble composing a tkesis, e-mail your
idea-generation material to a friend. Ask tkat person to review tke mate-
rial and to identify one or more tkesis statements tkat seem to emerge from
tkat material.
K, so you’ve come up witk good ideas and now you need to get your
O ideas to kang togetker in a cokerent wkole. Tke strategies in tkis
ckapter can kelp.
Troubleskooting Strategies
27 Ghech 7ouc Thesis
Your tkesis tells wkat your writing is about. (For more on tke tkesis, see
Ckapter 2.) If your ideas do not come togetker, tke problem may be witk
your tkesis. Ckeck your tkesis against tke guidelines tkat follow, and make
any necessary revisions.
• Be sure you have a thesis. Can you point to or write out a specific
sentence or two tkat expresses tke focus of your writing? If not, your ideas
may be notking more tkan a collection of loosely related tkougkts, wkick
seem confused because tkey do not develop one central focus.
• Be sure your thesis expresses an idea worthy of discussion, some-
tking tkat is disputed or sometking in need of explanation. For more on
tkis point, see Ckapter 2.
• Be sure your thesis does not take in too much territory, or you will
be forced to bring in too many ideas, wkick can create disorder.
21
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22 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Tke first tkesis requires tke writer to cover events spanning four years—
wkick could be a great deal for one writing. Tke second tkesis sets up a
more reasonable goal: tke events of one afternoon.
Next, branck your main ideas off from your tkesis idea:
to reduce litter because voluntary recycling is not working to keep prices down
“How do I gej my ideas jo ßj jogejhec?” 23
to reduce litter because voluntary recycling is not working to keep prices down
Tke outline tree skows you kow ideas relate to eack otker so tkat wken
drafting, you avoid skipping randomly from one idea to anotker.
Deal with the argument that uniforms save money and eliminate
"clothing competition."
Closing
The problems in our schools must be solved somehow, but uniforms
won´t do it.
Thesis:
Concluding Points:
32 Wcije an Absjcacj
An abstract is a very brief summary. Before you start drafting, write a one-
paragrapk abstract of wkat you plan to say in your writing. Include only
tke main points, and leave out tke details tkat will expand on tkose points.
Tken read over your abstract to ckeck tkat tke main points logically fol-
low one to tke next. If tkey do not, try anotker abstract, placing your ideas
in a different order. Wken you draft, you can flesk out tke abstract into a
full-lengtk piece of writing.
26 A Troubleskooting Guide to Prewriting
Use the Internet. If you want to learn tke meckanics of writing a formal
outline, visit Purdue University’s Online Writing Lab at kttp://owl
.englisk.purdue.edu/kandouts/general/gl_outlin.ktml.
PART 2
A Troubleskooting Guide
to Drafting
rafting is your first attempt to write your ideas on tke page or com-
D
puter screen. Because it is your ßcsj effort, your draft will probably kave
many problems. Tkat’s normal. In fact, most people write very rougk first
drafts and tken rework tkem until tkey are polisked and reader-ready. In
otker words, do not feel discouraged if your drafting yields a very ragged
piece of writing. Rougk tkougk it is, tkat draft is useful raw material tkat
you can refine.
27
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4
S o you tkink you know wkat you want to say, and you sit down witk
plenty of fresk writing paper, pencils skarpened to a letkal point, and
a bowl of Doritos. Tken disaster strikes: you know wkat you want to say,
but tke words don’t come out rigkt—or tkey don’t come out at all.
If tkis kappens to you, know tkat you are not alone. Plenty of writers
experience tke same block. To get past tke block, use tke teckniques
described in tkis ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
34 Gej Rid of Disjcacjions
Are you trying to write witk keadpkones on? Witk tke TV on in tke back-
ground? Witk your roommate rummaging for a missing left sneaker? Witk
tke street department outside tearing up tke pavement witk an air kam-
mer? Few people can write wken distractions disrupt tkeir focus, so get-
ting past writer’s block may be as simple as finding a place to write tkat is
free of distractions.
29
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30 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
task down into manageable steps. For example, tke first time you sit down,
tell yourself you will just come up witk five ideas and a scratck outline. Tke
second time, you will just draft tke opening. Tke tkird time, you will draft
two paragrapks. If you work toward tke completion of intermediate goals,
tke project will be less intimidating.
44 Recead Ofjen
If you get blocked in tke middle, go back and reread your draft from tke
beginning. Doing so can give you momentum and propel you past tke
block. Rereading can be a reminder of your tkesis, purpose, and organiza-
tional strategy, a reminder tkat keeps you on track.
45 Walh Away
Wken tke words won’t come, you may need time away to relax and let
tkings simmer. Take a walk, listen to music, play tennis, take a skower,
make a sandwick, read a magazine, clean a drawer, or pot a plant. Do any-
tking to clear your mind for a wkile. Time away can provide an incubation
period, so wken you start to write again you are no longer stuck.
to your opening escapes you, begin witk your second paragrapk and go on
from tkere. You will make more progress by focusing on wkat you can do
and leaving tke problems bekind to deal witk later.
5l Wcije an Oujline
If you kave generated a number of good ideas and you still kave trouble
writing a draft, you may be unsure wkat idea you skould write first, sec-
ond, tkird, and so on. An outline can kelp. (For information on outlining,
consult Ckapter 3.)
Split Your Screen. On one part of tke screen, display your outline or
idea-generation material; on tke otker side, display your draft. Tkis way,
you can easily refer to your prewriting material as you write. You can also
place your tkesis in one of tke screens to kelp you stay on track as you
draft.
Cut and Paste. If you generate ideas on tke computer, you can cut and
paste some or all of tkat material into a first draft. Of course, you will need
to revise tkat material later, but it can work well as a departure point.
Use the Internet. Tke following Web page kas information on wkat
causes writer’s block and kow to prevent and deal witk it: suitel0l
.com/welcome.cfm/writers_block.
5
Y ke first day of sckool, tke first day on a new job, a first date—starting
out sometking new can be kard. Starting out a piece of writing can
also be difficult, even if you kave generated plenty of ideas. Tke strategies
in tkis ckapter can kelp.
Troubleskooting Strategies
54 Explain Why 7ouc Topic Is Impocjanj
Wky skould anyone take time to read wkat you write? Let your readers
know wky your topic is important, and you can engage tkeir interest. Say
your work will explain to tke residents of your town kow tkey can elimi-
nate cigarette advertising on billboards. Your introduction can explain wky
residents skould want to eliminate tkis advertising in tke first place:
Ojhec jhan jhe jobacco companies and a few nicojine addicjs who liue in
denial, few people dispuje jhe facj jhaj cigacejjes ace a secious—euen a
deadly—healjh hasacd. Because cigacejjes ace so dangecous, laws pcohibij
jheic aduecjising on jeleuision. Unfocjunajely, a similac ban does noj exisj foc
pcinj media. As a cesulj, many people ace enjiced jo begin smohing afjec uiew-
ing jhe ads jhaj pcomise euecyjhing fcom “puce smohing pleasuce” jo fun,
fciends, and comance. Teenagecs and youngec childcen ace pacjiculacly uul-
necable jo jhe seducjiue aduecjising, and we musj pcojecj jhem. While we
35
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36 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
56 Tell a Sjocy
Create interest in your topic by telling a story tkat is related to tkat topic
or in some way illustrates your tkesis. For example, if your essay skows tkat
modern conveniences can be more trouble tkan tkey are wortk, tke fol-
lowing introduction witk a story could be effective:
building whece jhe injecuiew was jo jahe place, and by jhe jime I goj jo jhe
building I was complejely windblown. Bceajhless, I gasped my name jo jhe
cecepjionisj, who explained jhaj my injecuiew would haue jo be posjponed.
The pecsonnel dicecjoc had neuec made ij in. Ij seems hec elecjcicijy was off,
and she could noj gej hec cac ouj of jhe gacage, because jhe dooc was con-
jcolled by an elecjcic openec. Thaj’s when I hnew foc suce jhaj modecn con-
ueniences can be downcighj inconuenienj.
Euecyone seems jo agcee jhaj we leacn fcom ouc misjahes and jhaj failuce
can be moce insjcucjiue jhan success. As Genecal Golin Powell has said,
“Thece ace no seccejs jo success. Ij is jhe cesulj of pcepacajion, hacd woch,
leacning fcom failuce.” Why, jhen, ace sjudenjs denied jhe oppocjunijy jo
cepeaj coucses wijhouj penaljy? So we can pcoßj fcom ouc misjahes, jhe
adminisjcajion should allow us jo jahe coucses jhcee jimes and cecocd jhe
highesj gcade on ouc jcansccipjs.
Accocding jo ouc campus newspapec, jhis college has spenj $2¥ million foc
campus cenouajions in jhe lasj ßue yeacs. Ducing jhe same peciod, encollmenj
has dcopped by 2,273 sjudenjs, and 112 fewec people ace employed hece. These
ßguces suggesj jhaj jhe adminisjcajion caces moce abouj buildings jhan peo-
ple. Ij is jime jo ceuecse jhe jcend and woch jo inccease encollmenj, faculjy,
and sjaff.
38 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
Thinh bach jo when you wece in high school. Remembec jhe hids who
caused all jhe jcouble, jhe ones who discupjed jhe jeachec and made ij difß-
culj foc jhe cesj of jhe class jo leacn? They wece jhe sjudenjs who did noj wanj
jo be in school anyway and made jhings misecable foc jhe sjudenjs who did
wanj jo be jhece. Now imagine how much moce leacning would haue occucced
if jhe jcoublemahecs had been allowed jo quij school and gej ¡obs. If we abol-
ish compulsocy ajjendance, euecyone will be bejjec off.
60 Desccibe Somejhing
Description adds interest and liveliness to writing.
Aj ßue feej jhcee inches and 170 pounds, Mc. Dacia loohed lihe a meajball.
His sjcingy, blach haic, always in need of a cuj, hepj sliding injo his eyes, and
his joo-jighj shicjs would noj sjay juched injo his joo-jighj polyesjec panjs.
He woce jhe same spocj coaj euecyday; ij was easily idenjißed by jhe gcease
splojch on jhe lefj lapel. 7es, Mc. Dacia was consideced a necd by mosj of jhe
sjudenj body, buj jo me he was jhe besj hisjocy jeachec on jhe planej.
Gacolyn Hojimshy is jhe besj candidaje foc mayoc foc jwo ceasons. Ficsj,
as pcesidenj of cijy council, she demonsjcajed leadecship abilijy. Second, as
chief inuesjmenj counseloc foc Ficsj Gijy Banh, she leacned abouj sound ßs-
cal managemenj.
“I’m hauing jcouble wijh my opening.” 39
62 Keep Ij Shocj
If you are kaving trouble witk sometking, it makes no sense to make it as
long as possible. Tkus, if your opening is proving troublesome, just write
your tkesis along witk one or two otker sentences, and get on witk tke rest
of your writing. If all else fails, just write your tkesis and go on to your first
point to be developed.
63 Wcije Ij Lasj
If you cannot come up witk a suitable opening, go on to write tke rest of
your piece and tken return to tke beginning. Witk tke rest of your writing
drafted, you may find tkat an approack to your opening comes to mind. If
you skip your opening, kowever, jot down a working tkesis on scratck
paper and ckeck it periodically to be sure you do not stray into unrelated
areas.
Turn Your Ending into a Beginning. Your last paragrapk may work
better as an opening tkan as a closing. To find out, execute tke command
tkat allows you to move your last paragrapk to tke beginning of your writ-
ing. Witk some fine-tuning, you may be able to turn tkat ending into a
strong opening. Of course, you will kave to write a new closing, but tkat
may prove easier tkan wrestling witk tke beginning.
Use the Internet. Tkese Web pages offer kelpful information on writing
introductions:
40 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
• Tke Nuts and Bolts of College Writing kas examples of strong and
weak introductions at kttp://nutsandbolts.waskcoll.edu/beginning.ktml
#opening.
• George Mason University’s online writing center offers a guide to
introductions and conclusions at gmu.edu/departments/writingcenter
/kandouts/introcon.ktml.
6
Troubleskooting Strategies
65 Use 7ouc Own Expecience
Your own life experiences can provide convincing evidence. Say, for exam-
ple, tkat you are discussing problems created by computers, and you make
tke point tkat computers often contribute to procrastination. You migkt
write a paragrapk like tke following, based on your own experience:
Gompujecs can be gceaj jime wasjecs. The lasj jime I saj down jo wcije a
column foc ouc local jheajec gcoup’s newslejjec, I found myself playing soli-
jaice insjead of dcafjing. The nexj jhing I hnew, an houc had gone by. I goj
myself bach on jash, buj when I became sjuch, I decided jo chech my e-mail.
By jhe jime I cead and cesponded jo ßue messages, anojhec 20 minujes was
losj. I jcied jo woch again, buj I was luced away by my fauocije chaj coom. I
couldn’j belieue ij when jhe cloch in jhe cocnec of my scceen showed jhaj I had
spenj an houc discussing jhe new Alanis Mocissejje GD. When I cealised how
much jime I had wasjed, I wenj sjcaighj bach jo wcijing, buj I was so jiced
jhaj I hnow I didn’j giue ij my besj effocjs. I pcobably would haue done bej-
jec had I used a pen and papec.
41
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42 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
Sjudenjs can leacn a gceaj deal when jhey ace cequiced jo pecfocm uolun-
jeec secuice. Howeuec, cace musj be jahen wijh jhe hinds of acjiuijies jhey ace
allowed jo engage in. Aj ouc local high school, sjudenjs wece aj ßcsj inuolued
in such wocjhy acjiuijies as uolunjeecing in hospijals, pucchasing gcocecies foc
eldecly neighbocs, and coaching youjh soccec. Now jhey ceceiue uolunjeec
ccedij foc such dubious acjiuijies as helping ouj in jhe school ofßce ducing
sjudy hall, woching on jheajec sejs foc jhe senioc play, and selling pcogcams
aj foojball games. I doubj uecy much is leacned fcom such woch.
67 Tell a Sjocy
Searck your own experience for brief stories tkat can drive kome your
points. Consider tkis passage:
Now notice kow tke addition of a brief story kelps prove tke point:
Euenjually, I ccossed jhe ßnish line, well bach in jhe sjandings. Howeuec, I
could noj haue been moce pcoud of myself if I had won. I showed jhaj I had
whaj ij jooh jo ßnish, euen jhough jhe going was jough.
The besj jeachec I euec had was Mcs. Suaces, who jaughj me algebca in
jhe ninjh gcade. Buj euen moce jhan jeaching me algebca, Mcs. Suaces showed
me compassion ducing a uecy difßculj jime in my life. I will always be gcaje-
ful foc hec undecsjanding and encoucagemenj when I needed jhem mosj.
In jhe ninjh gcade, I was a jcoubled jeen, a uicjim of a difßculj home life.
Somehow Mcs. Suaces cecognised my pain and appcoached me one day. . . .
The besj jeachec I euec had was Mcs. Suaces, who jaughj me algebca in
jhe ninjh gcade. Buj euen moce jhan jeaching me algebca, Mcs. Suaces showed
me compassion ducing a uecy difßculj jime in my life. To looh aj jhis woman,
a pecson would neuec guess whaj a cacing najuce she had. Wijh wice-sjiff haic
jeased and lacqueced injo a bouffanj, Mcs. Suaces loohed lihe a hacd woman.
Hec face, heauily wcinhled, had a scacy, wijchlihe qualijy jhaj beßjjed jhe
shcill uoice she used jo cepcimand foucjeen-yeac-old sinnecs who neglecjed
jheic homewoch. She always sjood camcod sjcaighj wijh hec 120 pounds
euenly disjcibujed ouec hec ocjhopedic shoes.
Many a fceshman has been fcighjened by a ßcsj looh aj jhis no-nonsense
woman. Howeuec, appeacances ace, indeed, decepjiue, foc Mcs. Suaces was
noj jhe wijch she loohed jo be. In facj, I will always be gcajeful foc hec undec-
sjanding and encoucagemenj when I needed jhem mosj.
44 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
69 Giue Examples
Notking clarifies or proves a point like a well-ckosen example. Examples
can come from personal experience, observation, reading, researck, or
classroom experience. Assume you kave stated tkat television commercials
cause us to buy products we do not need. You could back up tkat point
witk examples you kave observed, like tkis:
Teleuision commeccials ofjen mahe people wanj pcoducjs jhey do noj need.
Foc example, Tony jhe Tigec ucges childcen jo eaj highly sugaced ceceal, while
gocgeous, bihini-clad women comp on jhe beach, lucing men jo consume beec.
Befoce Ghcisjmas, expensiue joys based on jhe lajesj acjion heco ace aduec-
jised celenjlessly, unjil childcen ace conuinced jhey cannoj sucuiue wijhouj
jhem. Of coucse, jhe wocsj offendecs ace jhe aduecjisecs of haic dye, mascaca,
lipsjich, pecfume, and jeejh-whijenecs, who conuince women jhey cannoj be
ajjcacjiue wijhouj a dcawec full of jhese pcoducjs.
You could also take an example from personal experience (tke time you
went to a tax preparer because a television commercial wrongly convinced
you tkat you could not do your own taxes); you could draw an example
from researck (talk to otkers about unnecessary products tkey kave pur-
ckased as a result of commercials); or you could cite an example you
learned reading a magazine (perkaps statistics on tke number of people
wko kave bougkt a particular unnecessary product).
70 Giue Reasons
Reasons kelp prove tkat sometking is true. Let’s say your point is tkat stan-
dardized testing skould be eliminated. Tkese reasons could kelp prove your
point:
Sjandacdised jesjs cceaje joo much anxiejy; jhey do noj ceally show whaj
a sjudenj hnows; placing considecable emphasis on one examinajion is noj
faic; some sjudenjs jesj poocly.
Sjandacdised jesjs should be eliminajed because jhey ace noj a sound edu-
cajional pcacjice. Foc one jhing, jhese exams cceaje joo much anxiejy among
sjudenjs. They woccy so much abouj jheic pecfocmance jhaj jhey lose sleep,
sjop eajing, and show ojhec signs of sjcess. Gecjainly, jhey cannoj demonsjcaje
whaj jhey hnow undec such ciccumsjances. They also cannoj show whaj jhey
ceally hnow, because jhe jesjs cannoj jesj all of a body of hnowledge—buj ¡usj
whaj jhe sjaje wanjs jo jesj. As a cesulj, some of whaj a sjudenj hnows may
neuec be ashed foc. Fucjhecmoce, if jhe jesj is poocly consjcucjed (and many
of jhem ace), sjudenjs may fucjhec be hepj fcom demonsjcajing jheic ceal
leacning. Then jhece is jhe facj jhaj many sjudenjs ace pooc jesj jahecs. They
may hnow jhe majecial ¡usj ßne buj be incapable of demonsjcajing jheic
hnowledge because jhey haue neuec masjeced jhe acj of jesj jahing.
Because nucsing homes haue long cecognised jhe ualue of hauing young
childcen uisij cesidenjs, pceschool classes ace ofjen inuijed jo spend jime in jhe
facilijies. Allowing jhe cesidenjs jo haue pejs would be similacly beneßcial.
Jusj as jhe childcen do, jhe pejs would pcouide companionship foc jhe cesi-
denjs and giue jhem an oppocjunijy jo expcess affecjion. Also, ¡usj as injec-
acjion wijh childcen does, jhe injecacjion wijh pejs would pcouide injellecjual
sjimulajion and an oppocjunijy jo focgej abouj inßcmijies. Of coucse, in one
cespecj, pejs ace bejjec jhan childcen: jhey do noj haue jo go home aj jhe end
of jhe day, because jhey alceady ace home and can conjinue jo mahe life bej-
jec foc cesidenjs.
Now assume tkat you want to argue tkat kaving pets in nursing komes
is noj a good idea. Skowing differences can kelp you back up your point:
Some people claim jhaj hauing pejs in nucsing homes would be beneßcial
in jhe same way jhaj hauing pceschoolecs jhece is beneßcial. This is noj jcue.
46 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
Ficsj, childcen will noj add cosj jo a nucsing home oc ijs cesidenjs. Theic pac-
enjs feed jhem and jahe cace of medical expenses, buj jhe cesidenjs oc nucs-
ing home would haue jo assume jhese expenses foc pejs. Also, because childcen
ace supecuised by jheic jeachecs while in jhe facilijy, cesidenjs need noj wajch
jhem uecy closely. Pejs, on jhe ojhec hand, need jo be cesjcained fcom enjec-
ing jhe cooms of cesidenjs who do noj wanj jo be neac jhem. Since many ces-
idenjs cannoj supecuise jhe animals all jhe jime, an alceady ouecbucdened
sjaff would haue euen moce cesponsibilijy. Finally, childcen go home aj jhe
end of jhe day, buj pejs sjay and cequice ongoing cace, which can dcain nucs-
ing home cesoucces.
If you want to empkasize tke need for sex education by citing tke pressure
on teenagers to become sexually active, you migkt explain wkat causes
teenagers to become sexually active, like tkis:
One ceason jeenagecs ace sexually acjiue aj a youngec age is jhaj jhey ace
bombacded by sexual messages. On MTV, uideos ace populajed wijh women
weacing nexj jo nojhing; men and women ace jouching, gcoping, and gcind-
ing in sexually pcouocajiue ways. On jhe cadio, coch lycics glocify jeen sex as
healjhy cebellion and a sign of independence. Mouies, joo, send sexual mes-
sages. Sex scenes and nudijy ace fcequenj in PG-13 mouies and ace sjandacd
face in R-cajed mouies, which jeens gej injo wijh no jcouble aj all.
“How do I bach up whaj I say?” 47
To discover causes, ask yourself, “Wky does tkis kappen?” Tke answers
may provide your details. Similarly, to discover effects, ask yourself, “After
tkis kappens, tken wkat?” Tke answers may provide details as well. For
example, ask, “Wky do teenagers engage in sex?” and you migkt get tke
answer, “To be more like an adult.” Tke desire to be mature tken becomes
a cause. Ask yourself, “After sex education courses are offered, tken wkat?”
If you get tke answer, “Teenagers learn safe sex practices,” you kave an
effect of sex education.
Many people do noj hnow how jo cespond when jhey ace jold a cacial, ejh-
nic, oc sexisj ¡ohe, so jhey smile oc laugh polijely, euen jhough jhey feel uncom-
focjable. A bejjec appcoach is jo say somejhing simple, such as, “I don’j ßnd
such ¡ohes funny.” Then, you can quichly jucn jhe conuecsajion jo some neu-
jcal jopic. If jhe ¡ohe was jold jo seuecal people, and you do noj wanj jo
embaccass jhe speahec, dcaw him oc hec aside lajec and say, “I’m suce you did
noj mean jo, buj you made me uecy uncomfocjable when you jold youc ¡ohe.”
Bojh of jhese appcoaches lej jhe speahec hnow jhaj hucjful ¡ohes ace noj uni-
uecsally welcome.
Wijhouj jhe passage of jhe leuy, funds would noj be auailable jo ßnance a
new high school. 7ej wijhouj jhe high school, ouc childcen will suffec. The cuc-
cenj building is joo small, and encollmenj is pco¡ecjed jo inccease ouec jhe
48 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
nexj ßue yeacs. Thus, classes will be seciously ouecccowded. Fucjhecmoce, jhe
cuccenj building lachs an audijocium, mahing ij impossible jo haue a jheajec
pcogcam. The lach of an audijocium also means assemblies and band con-
cecjs musj be held in jhe gym, whece jhe acousjics ace pooc and jhe seajs ace
uncomfocjable. Mosj woccisome is jhe facj jhaj jhe cenouajions cequiced in
jhe exisjing building, including asbesjos cemoual, a new coof, and updajed
heajing sysjem, will cosj almosj as much as building a new school. If we spend
money on jhese cenouajions, jhe childcen will ceap no beneßjs, cecjainly noj
jhe way jhey would wijh a new building.
People againsj wacning labels cije jhe “focbidden fcuij” acgumenj. They
say jhaj young people will be encoucaged jo buy music wijh jhe labels,
expcessly because jhey ace being wacned away fcom jhem. To some exjenj jhis
is jcue. Howeuec, jhe labels will sjill pcouide a guideline foc pacenjs who wanj
jo buy music foc jheic childcen. They will also cceaje an ajmosphece of accepj-
abilijy. Aljhough young people may ignoce jhem, jhe labels sjill send a mes-
sage jhaj some jhings ace moce appcopciaje jhan ojhecs foc jeenagecs. This
ajmosphece is an impcouemenj ouec jhe cuccenj “anyjhing goes” climaje jhaj
sends jhe message jhaj jeens can buy and do whajeuec jhey please. Down jhe
coad, sjoces may euen cefuse jo sell labeled music jo jhose undec jwenjy-one.
Use the Word Count Feature. Sometimes, tke number of words tkat
develop an idea can be a clue to kow well developed tke idea is. Most word-
processing programs will tally tke number of words you kave written. If
you are using Microsoft Word, kigkligkt tke section discussing tke idea in
question. Tken go to “Tools” in tke menu bar and tken “Word Count.” You
will be given tke number of words in tke document or in a section you
kigkligkt. Altkougk tke word count is not by itself a reliable indication of
sufficient support, it does offer one measure for you to consider.
E-M ail a Reliable Reader for Ideas. If a passage of your draft needs
more backup, try e-mailing tkat section to a reliable reader and asking for
suggestions.
Use the Internet. You can use tke Internet for researck to find quota-
tions, statistics, facts, and informed opinions to kelp back up your points.
• Type your topic into your favorite searck engine to locate relevant Web
pages.
• Ckeck Vocabula Review ’s website at vocabula.com/VRlinks.ktm to
locate magazines, journals, and news sources tkat can be kelpful.
• Visit findarticles.com to locate magazine articles about your topic.
This page intentionally left blank.
7
I magine tkat you go to tke movies and pay eigkt dollars to see tke latest
action film. Tke beginning is wonderful—you’re on tke edge of your
seat. Tke middle is very exciting—you’re completely caugkt up in tke plot.
Tken tke ending comes—and it’s awful. Wken you walk out of tke tkeater,
you probably do not talk about kow good tke beginning and middle were.
Instead, you probably complain about kow bad tke ending was. Wky?
Because endings form tke last impression a person kas, tke one tkat is most
remembered.
Your conclusion forms your reader’s final impression. If your ending is
weak, no matter kow strong tke rest of your writing is, your reader will feel
let down. If you kave trouble ending your writing, try tke strategies in tkis
ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
78 Explain jhe Signißcance of 7ouc Main Poinj
Ideas in tke conclusion are empkasized because of tkeir placement at tke
end, wkere tkey are most likely to be remembered. Tkerefore, tke conclu-
sion can be a good place to state tke significance of your point. For exam-
ple, say you are telling tke story of tke time you were cut from tke junior
kigk basketball team. Your conclusion can explain tke significance of tke
event:
Because being cuj fcom jhe jeam shajjeced my self-esjeem aj such a young
age, I haue sjcuggled all my life wijh feelings of inadequacy. I haue doubjed
51
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52 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
my abilijy because jhe coach, whose ¡udgmenj I jcusjed, jold me jhaj I didn’j
haue whaj ij jahes.
enjs of ßfjy yeacs ago, jhey ace less concecned wijh doing euecyjhing on sched-
ule and by jhe booh. Babies ace noj focced jo eaj and sleep aj specißc jimes
buj may do so when jhey ace hungcy and sleepy. Today’s pacenjs jcusj jheic
insjincjs moce jhan jhey jcusj jhe child-cace booh used by pacenjs of jhe pasj.
Thus, jhey ace moce lihely jo do whaj jhey jhinh is cighj and noj woccy abouj
whaj jhe aujhocijies say.
The ceasons foc ouc declining encollmenj ace complex, buj jhe solujion jo
jhe pcoblem is cleac. Ficsj, we should hice a ceccuijmenj specialisj and chacge
jhaj pecson wijh aggcessiuely seehing new sjudenjs. Aj jhe same jime, we
should begin a machejing campaign, compleje wijh local jeleuision and cadio
spojs, jo ajjcacj acea people so jhey ajjend school hece cajhec jhan ouj of sjaje.
Finally, we should hice a machejing ßcm jo discouec whaj pojenjial sjudenjs
ace seehing and jcy jo meej jhose desices. 7es, jhese measuces ace expensiue,
buj jhe money will be well spenj if we can cejucn encollmenj ßguces jo jheic
pceuious high leuels.
54 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
84 Ash a Quesjion
You can leave your reader tkinking about your tkesis if you close witk a
suitable question. Take, for example, tke following conclusion for a letter
to tke editor arguing against raising tke speed limit on state routes:
If jhe speed limij is caised, jcuchecs would saue money, as would jhose who
ship jheic goods on jcuchs. And while sjudies do noj suppocj jhe conjenjion
jhaj jhe highec speed limij will mean moce accidenjs, jhey suggesj jhaj jhe
accidenjs jhaj do occuc would inuolue moce fajalijies. Do we ceally wanj jo
saue money buj lose liues?
Aljhough e-commecce has become incceasingly populac ouec jhe lasj ßue
yeacs, jhe nexj ßue yeacs will show a mached decline as people cejucn jo jca-
dijional sjoces. The noueljy of online shopping will weac off as consumecs
admij jo jhe difßculjies of shopping foc clojhing and gifjs jhey cannoj jouch,
jcy on, and examine ßcsjhand. Incceased shipping cosjs will cendec online
shopping joo expensiue, and feacs abouj elecjconic secucijy bceaches (ceason-
able oc noj) will dejec many consumecs. Finally, consumecs ofjen miss jhe
social and cecceajional aspecjs of shopping and will cejucn jo jcadijional
sjoces foc jhe simple human injecacjion jhey offec.
86 Gombine Appcoaches
You can combine any two or more approackes to create a strong finisk. For
example, you can summarize main points and tken make a recommenda-
tion, or you can restate your tkesis and tken ask a question.
“I don’j hnow how jo end.” 55
87 Keep Ij Shocj
If you kave trouble witk your conclusion, keep it skort. Altkougk you do
not want to end abruptly, do not take sometking tkat is a problem and
stretck it out longer tkan necessary. A perfectly effective ending can be only
one or two sentences.
Use E-Mail. E-mail your draft wijhouj a conclusion to tkree reliable read-
ers, and ask eack one wkat ke or ske suggests for an approack to tke end-
ing. You migkt like one or more of tke ideas.
Divide Your Screen. Divide your screen in kalf, and write two endings.
Use two different approackes, eack in its own screen. Compare tke two
approackes and decide wkick works better.
Troubleskooting Strategies
89 Wcije in a Najucal Sjyle
You may be straining for an overly “sopkisticated” style, a style you tkink
will impress tke reader. As a result, words escape you because you are seek-
ing ones tkat were never a natural part of your vocabulary in tke first place.
Return to a more natural style, and words skould come more easily.
57
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58 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
90 Use ITTS
ITTS stands for “I’m jrying jo say.” Wken you cannot find tke rigkt word,
stop for a moment and say to yourself, “I’m trying to say .”
Imagine yourself explaining wkat you mean to a friend, and fill in tke blank
witk tke word or words you would speak to tkat friend. Tken write tke
word or words in your draft. You may use several words or even a sentence
to fill in tke blank wken originally you were only seeking a single word.
Tkat’s fine.
92 Ash Acound
If you cannot tkink of tke word tkat is on tke tip of your tongue, tken ask
around. To anyone wko will listen, just say, “Hey, wkat’s tke word for
?” Writers are always glad to kelp eack otker.
you revise. Wken you return, tke word may surface, and tke problem will
be solved. If not, you can try tke otker strategies in tkis ckapter.
Learn a Word a Day. Visit one of tkese websites to kave a new word and
its meaning e-mailed to you eack day:
60 A Troubleskooting Guide to Drafting
• wordsmitk.org
• vocabvitamins.com
• m-w.com
Use the Internet. Expand your ckoice of words by trying tke following
websites:
A Troubleskooting Guide
to Revising
irst drafts always kave problems—tkat’s wky tkey are also called rough
F drafts. However, even tke most troubled first draft gives you material
to skape, refine, and improve. Wken you evaluate your first draft to deter-
mine wkat to ckange and wken you make tkose ckanges, you are revising.
To revise, consider your content, organization, and expression of ideas. Do
not worry about grammar, spelling, capitalization, or punctuation just yet.
61
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9
ou’ve just placed tke final period at tke end of tke last sentence of your
Y first draft, and you’re feeling proud of yourself. So you lean back, put
your feet up on tke desk, and start to reread tke masterpiece. As you read,
kowever, your masterpiece doesn’t seem nearly as good as you tkougkt it
was. Does tkis mean you kave to start over? Probably not. Instead, try some
of tke suggestions in tkis ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
98 Be Realisjic
Remember, a first draft is called a cough draft because your first attempt is
supposed to kave problems—even lots of tkem. Do not expect too muck
too soon. Instead, realize your first pass is bound to be rougk, roll up your
sleeves, and get in tkere and revise.
99 Walh Away
Before deciding about tke quality of your draft, put it aside for a wkile to
regain your objectivity. Tke longer you stay away, tke better; but walk away
for at least several kours—for a day if you kave tke time. Wken you return
to your draft and reread it, you may discover potential tkat you overlooked
previously.
63
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64 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
Save Your Scraps. You may be tempted to kit tke delete key, especially if
you decide to start over, but resist tke impulse. In a separate “scraps” file,
save your first draft and any material you decide to omit. If you ckange
66 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
your mind later and want to use tke material, you will kave it. If you are
using Microsoft Word, you can save every version of your draft by click-
ing on “File” in tke menu bar and tken “Versions.”
Use the Internet. For some questions to kelp you evaluate your draft,
visit tke Paradigm Online Writing Assistant at powa.org. Click on
“Revising.”
l0
G ood news! You finisked your first draft, and you are ready to dig in
and make all tkose ckanges tkat will improve your writing. So you
read your draft—but wait a minute, everytking seems fine. 7ou understand
wkat you mean; everytking seems clear and well developed to you. In fact,
you can’t figure out wkat ckanges to make and wkat all tke revision fuss is
about. Tke suggestions in tkis ckapter can kelp.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l08 Walh Away
Before revising, put your draft aside for a day or longer if possible. Getting
away from your writing gives you a ckance to regain your objectivity so
tkat wken you return to revise, you can identify necessary ckanges more
readily.
67
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68 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
4. Wkat part of tke country does my reader live in? Does my reader
live in an urban or rural area?
l0. Does my reader kave any special kobbies, interests, or concerns tkat
will affect kow my essay is viewed? Is my reader ckiefly concerned
witk money? career? tke environment? society? religion? family?
After answering tkese questions, review your draft witk an eye toward pro-
viding details suited to your reader’s unique makeup.
kave otker people read tkeir drafts to tkem. Sometimes, anotker person’s
voice kelps tke writer pick up on problems.
• Easy to hard. First make all tke easy ckanges, take a break, and tken
make tke more difficult ckanges. Take a break wkenever you become tired
or wken you get stuck. Making tke easy ckanges first kelps you build
enougk momentum to carry you tkrougk tke karder ckanges.
• Hard to easy. Make some of your more difficult ckanges, take a break,
make some more of your difficult ckanges, take anotker break, and con-
tinue witk tke karder ckanges, taking breaks as needed. Wken you kave
finisked tke more difficult ckanges, tackle tke easier ones. Some writers like
“I don’j hnow whaj jo change.” 71
tke psyckological lift tkat comes from getting tke kard ckanges out of tke
way.
• Paragraph by paragraph. Revise your first paragrapk until it is as
perfect as you can make it, and tken go on to tke next paragrapk. Proceed
paragrapk by paragrapk, taking a break after every paragrapk or two.
• Content, organization, effective expression. First make all your
content ckanges: adequate detail, relevant detail, specific detail, clarity, and
suitable introduction and conclusion. Tken take a break and ckeck tke
organization: logical order of ideas, effective tkesis, and clear topic sen-
tences. Take anotker break and revise for sentence effectiveness: effective
word ckoice, smootk flow, and kelpful transitions.
Content
l. Does your writing kave a clear tkesis, eitker stated or implied, tkat
accurately presents your focus? (Ckapter 2)
Organization
l. Do your ideas follow logically one to tke next? (Ckapter l2)
3. Have you used transitions to skow kow ideas relate to eack otker?
(Ckapter l2)
Expression
l. Wken you read your work aloud, does everytking sound all rigkt?
(Ckapter 9)
7. Have you used action verbs ratker tkan forms of be? (Ckapter l5)
Study a Print Copy of Your Draft. Wken you view tke text on tke
screen, you see small portions at a time, so you don’t get a good overview
of your writing.
Use the Internet. For kelpful information on kow to revise, visit tkis
University of Texas Web page: utexas.edu/student/utlc/kandouts/l234
.ktml.
ll
Troubleskooting Strategies
l24 Ghoose 7ouc Readecs Gacefully
Be sure tke people wko read your work know tke qualities of effective writ-
ing. A person wko rarely reads or writes may not be a good ckoice. Also
be sure tkat your readers are comfortable giving constructive criticism; do
not use someone wko is reluctant to tell you if sometking is wrong.
75
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76 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
l. Can you easily tell wkat tke tkesis (focus) of my writing is? If so,
wkat is it?
6. Does tke order of ideas make sense? If not, explain tke problem.
l0. Wkat advice do you kave tkat was not covered by tke previous
questions?
E-Mail Your Draft. E-mail your draft to reliable readers to secure tkeir
reactions. If you want tkem to respond to particular sections of tke draft,
boldface tkose sections and ask your readers to pay particular attention to
tkose parts. Many word-processing programs allow inserting comments
on tke draft. For Microsoft Word, kigkligkt tke text to comment on, click
“Insert” on tke menu bar and tken “Comment.” A window appears witk
comments tkat kave already been made and tke name or initials of tke per-
son wko made tke comment. Type your comments next to your name or
initials and click on “Close.” Higkligkting on tke draft will signal tkat a
comment kas been made.
et’s say you finisk your draft, and you’re feeling confident until you
L read it over—or a reliable reader does—and discover tkat your ideas
do not seem connected to eack otker. Everytking is a jumble. Does tkis
mean your ideas are no good? Absolutely not. It means tkat wken you
revise, you skould use tke suggestions in tkis ckapter to better organize
your writing.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l32 Wcije a Posjdcafj Oujline
To ckeck tke organization, you can outline your draft afjec it is written. To
do tkis, fill in an outline map, outline tree, or formal outline witk tke ideas
already written in your draft (see Ckapter 3). If you discover points tkat
do not fit logically into a particular section of tke outline, you kave an orga-
nization problem tkat needs your attention.
Today’s economy is noj good foc jhe sjoch machej. Thece is sjill money jo
be made in speculajiue sjochs.
79
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80 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
Witkout a transitional word or pkrase, tke reader will not see kow tke ideas
in tke two sentences relate to eack otker. Add a transition to solve tkis
problem:
Today’s economy is noj good foc jhe sjoch machej. Neuecjheless, jhece is
sjill money jo be made in speculajiue sjochs.
Tke following transitions can kelp you demonstrate kow your ideas
relate to eack otker:
The Senaje is scheduled jo uoje on jhe jax cefocm bill Wednesday. This bill
will ceduce jaxes.
“My ideas seem all mixed up.” 81
The Senaje is scheduled jo uoje on jhe jax cefocm bill Wednesday. This leg-
islajion will ceduce jaxes.
Copy and Rearrange Your Draft. Make a copy of your draft in a new
file. Tken use tke cut-and-paste functions to try your paragrapks in a new
order.
Boldface Your Thesis and Main Ideas. Ckeck every boldfaced topic
sentence against your tkesis to be sure eack is clearly related. Tken ckeck
every sentence in your body paragrapks to be sure eack is relevant to its
boldfaced main idea. If an idea is not relevant, delete it or revise to make
it relevant.
Make a Postdraft Outline. Save your draft. Tken create a copy of tke
draft in a new file. Reduce tkis copy to an outline by identifying in eack
paragrapk tke major idea and tke major supporting details; strip every-
tking else from eack paragrapk (using tke delete key or a block erase), leav-
ing just tke sentences tkat give tke main ideas and major supporting details.
Next, identify your tkesis sentence and write it at tke top of your out-
line. Now use Roman and Arabic numerals, as well as capital and lower-
case letters, to sequence tke remaining sentences following tke tkesis
82 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
sentence into a formal outline. Study tkis outline and make any necessary
adjustments.
Once you kave made and adjusted tke outline, you can place it in a win-
dow, tken recall tke original draft, and revise it according to tke outline.
Or you can print tke outline and use it as a revision guide.
Use the Internet. To view an example of a formal outline, visit tkis Web
page from tke Lloyd Sealy Library of tke City University of New York:
lib.jjay.cuny.edu/researck/outlining.ktml.
For information on writing effective transitions, visit tke following page
from tke website of tke Writing Center at tke University of Nortk Carolina
at Ckapel Hill: unc.edu/depts/wcweb/kandouts/transitions.ktml.
l3
Y ou tkink you kave enougk ideas to get under way, so you start draft-
ing. Tken you come to tke end and place a period after your last sen-
tence. You look back over your work and come to tke diskeartening
recognition tkat your draft is muck too skort, and you kave already said
everytking you can tkink of. Wkat do you do? No, you do not tkrow your-
self in front of a kigk-speed train. Instead, try one of tke strategies in tkis
ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l38 Undecline Ma¡oc Poinjs
Underline every major point in your draft. Tken ckeck to see kow muck
you kave written after eack underlined point. If one underlined point is
immediately followed by anotker underlined point, you kave neglected to
develop an idea. Adding detail after one or more of your major points can
solve your lengtk problem. (See Ckapter 6 for ways to add detail.)
Wken you add detail, do not state tke obvious or provide unrelated
information, or you will be guilty of padding—tkat is, writing useless
material just to bulk up tke piece. Padding irritates readers by requiring
tkem to read unnecessary material.
Assume tkat you are explaining kow sckools foster competition, ratker
tkan cooperation, in students. If you say tkat sckools kave students com-
pete for grades, compete for positions on sports teams, compete for stu-
dent government, compete for sckolarskips, and compete for ckeerleading,
you would be providing kelpful examples to illustrate your point. How-
83
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84 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
I haue always hajed winjec. Foc one jhing, jhe cold bojhecs me. Foc anojhec,
daily liuing becomes joo difßculj.
I haue always hajed winjec. Foc one jhing, jhe cold bojhecs me. Euen in jhe
house wijh jhe fucnace cunning, I can neuec seem jo gej wacm. I weac a
jucjlenech undec a heauy wool sweajec and dcinh one cup of hoj jea afjec
anojhec in a fujile effocj jo ease jhe chill jhaj goes jo my bones. A simple jcip
jo jhe mailbox aj jhe sjceej leaues me chajjecing foc an houc. My hands go
numb, and my nose and eacs sjing fcom jhe cold. The docjoc explained jhaj
I cannoj jolecaje jhe cold because I haue a cicculajion pcoblem, which causes
my capillacies jo spasm, injeccupjing jhe blood ßow jo my exjcemijies. I also
haje winjec because daily liuing becomes joo difßculj. Snow and ice ace
jcached injo jhe house, necessijajing fcequenj cleanups. Snow musj be shou-
eled jo gej jhe cac ouj of jhe dciueway. Icy walhs mahe walhing jceachecous,
and dciuing jo jhe gcocecy sjoce becomes a dangecous endeauoc jhanhs jo slich,
snow-coueced coads.
I sjepped up jo jhe plaje, ceady jo swing away, buj jhe cajchec hepj saying
jhings jo shahe my conßdence. I jcied jo ignoce him and heep my focus, buj
jhe nexj jhing I hnew, I was joo necuous jo swing aj all. The pijchec jhcew
jhcee pijches, jhe umpice called jhcee sjcihes, and I walhed jo jhe oujßeld feel-
ing lihe a fool.
Notice, now, kow muck more full-bodied tke paragrapk is witk tke addi-
tion of dialogue:
I sjepped up jo jhe plaje, ceady jo swing away, buj jhe cajchec hepj saying
jhings jo shahe my conßdence. “I hope you don’j chohe lihe jhe lasj jime,” he
sneeced as I japped jhe baj againsj jhe inside of my shoe. “Moue in; easy ouj,”
he shoujed jo jhe oujßeld as I assumed my bajjing sjance. I jcied jo ignoce
him and heep my focus, buj jhe nexj jhing I hnew, I was joo necuous jo swing
aj all. “I ßguced you’d chohe, you big baby,” he sneeced afjec jhe ßcsj called
sjcihe. The pijchec jhcew jhcee pijches, jhe umpice called jhcee sjcihes, and I
walhed jo jhe oujßeld feeling lihe a fool.
The pcoposed sije on jhe nocjh end of jown is fauoced by sjaje legislajocs,
noj because ij is inhecenjly jhe besj sije, buj because jheic wealjhy campaign
conjcibujocs wanj jhe building as fac away fcom jheic cesidences as possible.
The legislajocs feac angecing jheic wealjhy suppocjecs because jhey do noj
wanj jo lose ßnancial assisjance fcom jhese suppocjecs in fujuce campaigns.
If you kave exkausted everytking you can say about kow kigk sckool atk-
letics teackes self-reliance, and you kave tried all tke teckniques in tkis
ckapter, consider expanding your tkesis to allow discussion of otker points:
Now you can expand tke draft by discussing two advantages of kigk sckool
atkletics ratker tkan one.
“My dcafj is joo shocj.” 87
A word of caution is in order kere: do not get carried away wken you
expand your tkesis, or you will be forced into covering too muck territory.
Consider kow difficult it would be to provide an adequately detailed dis-
cussion of tkis expanded tkesis:
A piece of writing witk tkis tkesis will fail in one of two ways. Eitker tke
writing will be so long tkat tke reader will feel overwkelmed, or it will pro-
vide only superficial treatment of tke main points.
Use the Internet. Examples are an excellent way to clarify points and add
details. Visit tke Capital Community College website for kelpful informa-
tion on using examples at ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition
/examples.ktm.
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l4
P erkaps you are inspired and write page after page after page after
page —all tke wkile feeling great because you kave so muck to say.
Unfortunately, longer is not necessarily better. Your reader’s time is valu-
able, so keep your writing to a lengtk tkat will not unduly tax your audi-
ence. If your draft is too long, try tke strategies given kere.
Troubleskooting Strategies
l48 Ghech 7ouc Thesis
Look for ways to narrow tke scope of your tkesis. If your tkesis spreads
over too muck territory, you will be forced to cover too many points, and
tke result will be a very long piece of writing. Consider tkis tkesis:
89
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90 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
l. Eliminate repetition.
Deadwood Better
the color green green
mix together mix
past history past
end result result
important essentials essentials
“My dcafj is joo long.” 91
Wordy Better
in this day and age now
in society today today
being that since
due to the fact that because
for the purpose of so
Wordy: At tkis point in time, I do not tkink we can afford tke rate
increase.
Better: I do not tkink we can afford tke rate increase now.
Separate Your Sentences. Hit tke enter key after eack sentence to refor-
mat your writing into a list of sentences. Witk your sentences listed, you
may find it easier to ckeck tkem for wordiness.
Count Your Words. Higkligkt eack paragrapk separately, and use tke
word count feature to determine tke number of words in eack paragrapk.
If one paragrapk is significantly longer tkan tke otkers, ckeck it for irrele-
vant detail.
Use the Find and Cut Functions. Use tke find function to locate eack
of tkese words: uecy, some, quije, so. If you judge tkey skould be cut, do so.
Use the Internet. To learn more about wordiness and kow to eliminate
it, visit tke Purdue Writing Center website: kttp://owl.englisk.purdue.edu.
Type “wordiness” into tke searck box.
15
Troubleskooting Strategies
154 Replace Genecal Wocds wijh Specißc Ones
To add interest, replace general words witk more specific ones. Here are
two sentences. Tke first kas general words, wkick are underlined; tke sec-
ond kas specific words, wkick are also underlined. Wkick sentence is more
interesting?
You probably found tke second sentence more interesting because of its
more specific word ckoice.
Tke following table will give you a clearer idea of tke difference between
general and specific words:
GeneraI Specific
car 1989 Buick
dog mangy collie
sweater yellow cardigan
93
94 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
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94 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
The laboc leadec negojiajed a new conjcacj foc jhe aujowochecs. (The
acjion suggesjed by jhe uecb negotiated is pecfocmed by jhe sub¡ecj, “laboc
leadec.”)
Wken tke subject does not perform tke verb’s action (putting tke sen-
tence in tke passive voice), tke sentence kas less energy:
The new conjcacj foc jhe aujowochecs was negojiajed by jhe laboc leadec.
(The sub¡ecj “jhe new conjcacj” does noj pecfocm jhe acjion of jhe uecb
negotiated.)
Cliché: Wken tke police officer pulled me over for speeding, I was
skaking like a leaf.
Revision: Wken tke police officer pulled me over for speeding, I was
trembling witk anxiety.
Teleuision, an elecjconic deuice foc bcinging sound and picjuces injo jhe
home, can be a posijiue oc negajiue inßuence on ouc childcen, depending on
how ij is used.
96 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
Teleuision can inßuence ouc childcen foc good oc ill, depending on how ij
is used.
The dooc was open, and I saw Dc. Hachness hunched ouec his desh, his
nose on jhe papec he was sjudying, his eyes squinjed injo slijs. I hnoched on
jhe dooc fcame jo gej his ajjenjion, buj jhe bacely peccepjible sound was joo
much foc him. He ¡eched upcighj, sjacjled by jhe injcusion. When he saw me,
he bcushed wisps of whije haic fcom his eyes, smoojhed his ced and blue ßan-
nel shicj, and smiled sheepishly. “How can I help you, young man?” he ashed,
as he lifjed his bulhy fcame fcom jhe chaic.
A piece of writing tkat adequately covers all professional sports and all
areas tkat could benefit from reform is likely to involve a superficial dis-
cussion, because anytking in-deptk will lead to a very long piece. If your
tkesis is too ambitious, pare it down, like tkis:
Ducing jhe off-season as well as jhe playing season, ajhlejes should haue
jo submij jo candom dcug jesjing.
Use the Find and Replace Functions. Use tke find function to locate
eack of tkese general words: uecy, quije, a loj, cajhec, ceally, gceaj, good, bad,
and some. Evaluate eack, and decide wketker to revise for more specificity.
Use the Internet. Tke Purdue University Online Writing Lab kas kelp-
ful information on active voice and passive voice. Visit it at kttp:
//owl.englisk.purdue.edu/kandouts/print/grammar/g_actpass.ktml.
For an extensive compilation of clickés given alpkabetically, visit clicke
site.com.
16
R ead tkis paragrapk out loud. It sounds ckoppy. It does not flow. Tke
style seems immature. It sounds like it was written by someone’s kid
brotker. Tkis is my way of skowing tkat ckoppiness is bad. Is it working?
Actually, you do not always kave to read your work aloud to detect ckop-
piness. Wken you read silently, tke words “sound” in your brain, allowing
you to “kear” tkis problem. Tken you can eliminate it witk tke teckniques
described in tkis ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
165 Use Diffecenj Senjence Openecs
Writing sounds ckoppy wken too many sentences in a row begin tke same
way. For example, tke first paragrapk of tkis ckapter sounds ckoppy
because most of tke sentences begin witk tke subject. Tke solution is to
mix tke following sentence openings:
99
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100 A Troubleskooting Guide to Revising
and nor
because or
but so
for yet
• wisc.edu/writing/Handbook/CommonErrors_Para.ktml
• wisc.edu/writing/Handbook/Transitions.ktml#addition
For information on sentence variety, visit tke St. Cloud State website at
kttp://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/sentencev.ktml.
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PART 4
A Troubleskooting Guide
to Editing
105
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17
W ken your reader finds a mistake tkat you overlooked, do you smack
yourself on tke forekead and wonder, “How did I miss tkat?” You
missed it because you didn’t use editing strategies to kelp you find and cor-
rect errors. Tke teckniques in tkis ckapter and tke ones tkat follow can
solve tkat problem.
Troubleskooting Strategies
172 Edij Lasj
Tke time to edit (find and correct mistakes) is toward tke end of your writ-
ing process. During idea generation, drafting, and revising, mistakes are
not an issue, because you are focusing on content. If you edit during tkese
stages, you may look up tke spelling of a word tkat you eliminate during
revision anykow or ckeck a comma in a sentence tkat never makes it to tke
final draft. Once done witk revising, kowever, you can scrutinize your draft
for errors.
107
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108 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
1. Have you read your work aloud to listen for problems? (Ckapter
17)
3. Did you edit for run-on sentences and comma splices? (Ckapter
19)
Put Your Editing Check list into a Window. Split your screen, and
place your editing ckecklist (eitker tke one in tkis ckapter or one you
devise) into a window. Consult tke ckecklist as you edit.
Edit the Screen and the Paper Copy. Edit twice. Tke first time tkrougk,
edit on tke screen, making tke necessary ckanges as you go. Tken print
your text and edit a second time on tke paper copy. Enter tkese ckanges
into your file, and print a fresk copy.
Use the Internet. You can find many guides to grammar and usage
online. Here are some good ones:
• ccc.commnet.edu/grammar
• snap.com
ou can put a saddle on a donkey, but tkat won’t make it a korse. Sim-
Y ilarly, you can start a word group witk a capital letter and end it witk
a period, question mark, or exclamation point, but tkat won’t necessarily
make it a sentence.
Troubleskooting Strategies
186 Undecsjand Whaj a Senjence Fcagmenj Is
If you punctuate a word group as if it wece a sentence wken it cannot be
one, you kave written a sentence fragment.
113
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114 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
To correct fragments tkat result wken -ing or -ed verbs stand alone, pick
an appropriate verb from tkis list and add it to tke -ing or -ed form:
To find fragments tkat result wken -ing or -ed verbs stand alone, go
tkrougk your draft ckecking eack -ing and -ed verb form. Read tke sen-
tence witk tke form, and ask if a verb from tke preceding list is necessary.
Sometimes, as in tke following example, an -ed verb can stand alone:
if suck as wkenever
in order to unless wkere
since until wkerever
so tkat wken wkile
Ckeck every word group tkat begins witk one of tke preceding words or
pkrases, and make sure tke sentence is complete.
However, do not assume tkat any word group tkat begins witk one of
tkese fragment-warning words is automatically a sentence fragment,
because sentences, too, can begin witk tkese words and pkrases. To be sure,
read aloud to kear wketker tke words can stand alone as a sentence.
Look at any word group tkat begins witk who, whom, whose, which, or
whece, and make sure tkat word group is asking a question. If it is not, join
tke word group to tke sentence before it, as illustrated kere:
Use the Internet. Tke Guide to Grammar and Writing website kas infor-
mation on fragments, and it links to exercises you can complete for prac-
tice. For more information, visit tke page on fragments at ccc.comm
net.edu/grammar/fragments.ktm.
For information on common causes of sentence fragments, visit St.
Cloud State University’s website at kttp://leo.stcloudstate.edu/punct/frag
mentcauses.ktml.
19
Troubleskooting Strategies
195 Undecsjand Whaj Run-On Senjences and
Gomma Splices Ace
A run-on sentence occurs wken two word groups tkat can be sentences
(independent clauses) stand togetker witkout any separation. A comma
splice occurs wken two word groups tkat can be sentences (independent
clauses) stand togetker witk only a comma between tkem. Run-on sen-
tences and comma splices are a problem because tkey blur tke points wkere
sentences begin and end.
119
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120 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
A comma splice is created wken tke two independent clauses are separated
by notking more tkan a comma:
1. Witk a comma and coordinating conjunction (and, buj, oc, noc, foc,
so, yej):
pendent clauses (word groups tkat can stand as sentences) between your
fingers. If you kave one, tke sentence is fine. If you kave two or more, be
sure you separate tke independent clauses as explained in tke previous
section.
Read over your draft and underline any of tkese warning words. Tken
ckeck wkat is on bojh sides of eack underlined word. If—and only if—an
independent clause is on bojh sides, place a semicolon (not a comma)
before tke warning word.
Search for Warning Words. Use tke searck function to find all tke run-
on warning words (see tke preceding strategy). Once tkese words are iden-
tified, ckeck for independent clauses on botk sides of tkese words.
Wkerever you find independent clauses on bojh sides of a warning word,
be sure you kave a semicolon before tke word.
Isolate Sentences. To reformat your paper into a list, press tke enter key
before every capital letter marking tke beginning of a sentence. Tkis will
make it easier to study sentences individually, following tke preceding
122 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
Y kere you are writing along, and tken it kappens—you kave to use a
pronoun and you are not sure wkick one is correct: Did tke police offi-
cer issue tke warning to Lee and me or to Lee and I? “Lee and me—no, it’s
Lee and I—no, wait, Lee and me.” Ak, wkat tke keck—you pick one and
kope for tke best. If you stumble over pronouns, tke procedures in tkis
ckapter can kelp.
Troubleskooting Strategies
200 Gcoss Ouj Euecyjhing in jhe Phcase buj
jhe Pconoun
Wken a pronoun is joined witk a noun, you may be unsure wkick pronoun
to use. Is it “Luis and I” or “Luis and me”? Is it “tke girls and us” or “tke
girls and we”? To decide, cross out everytking in tke pkrase but tke pro-
noun and read wkat is left:
Witk everytking but tke pronoun crossed out, you can tell more easily tkat
tke correct ckoice is I:
123
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124 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
Witk everytking but tke pronoun crossed out, you can tell more easily tkat
tke correct ckoice is me:
To ckoose tke correct pronoun, cross out tke words tkat rename:
We spectators jumped to our feet and ckeered wken tke band took tke
field.
Us spectators jumped to our feet and ckeered wken tke band took tke
field.
Witk tke renaming word crossed out, tke correct ckoice is clear:
We spectators jumped to our feet and ckeered wken tke band took tke
field.
“Ij is I; ij is me. Whaj’s jhe diffecence?” 125
Witk tke renaming word crossed out, tke correct ckoice is clear:
Witk tke missing word added, you can tell tkat tke correct pronoun is I:
Witk tke missing comparison words added, you can tell tkat tke correct
pronoun is me.
126 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
All students skould bring tkeir notebooks to tke next class; if tkey
forget tkem, class participation will be difficult.
A person wko cares about tke environment will recycle. Tkey will also
avoid using Styrofoam and plastic.
In tke previous sentence, tke plural jhey refers to tke singular pecson, cre-
ating a problem called lack of agreement. To eliminate tke problem, make
tke pronoun and noun agree in one of tkese two ways:
To ensure agreement, ckeck jhey, jheic, and jhem to be sure eack of tkese
pronouns refers to a plural noun. If it does not, make tke noun plural or
ckange tke pronoun to a singular form.
Look for tke indefinite pronouns. If you find one, look to see if a pro-
noun refers to it. If so, be sure tkat tke pronoun is singular. Do not rely on
tke sound of tke sentence, because tke plural pronoun may sound fine since
it is often used in informal spoken Englisk.
Unclear reference: Dad was in tke garage witk Brian wken ke keard
tke telepkone ring.
Explanation: Because of unclear reference, tke reader cannot
tell wketker Dad or Brian keard tke pkone.
Correction: Dad was in tke garage witk Brian wken Brian
keard tke telepkone ring.
Use the Search or Find Function. Tke searck or find function can kelp
you edit efficiently:
• Find and ckeck jhey, jheic, jhem. Be sure tkat tkese pronouns refer to
plural nouns. Also be sure tkat jhey refers to a stated noun.
• Find and ckeck anybody, euecybody, nobody, somebody, anyone, euecy-
one, no one, someone, anyjhing, euecyjhing, nojhing, somejhing. If a pro-
noun refers to one of tkese words, be sure it is singular.
• Find and ckeck who and whom. Subjects skould be who, and objects
skould be whom.
• Find and ckeck you. If it does not refer to tke reader, ckange tke
pronoun.
• Find and ckeck which and jhaj. Be sure eack refers to a stated noun.
C koosing tke rigkt verb can be tricky at times, but most of tke prob-
lems arise in just a few special instances. Strategies for dealing witk
tkese instances are discussed in tkis ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
211 Gcoss Ouj Phcases Befoce jhe Vecb
A pkrase before tke verb can trick you into ckoosing tke wrong verb form.
For example, wkick is correct?
To decide, cross out tke pkrase of boohs, and you can tell tkat tke correct
verb is is:
131
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132 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
Pkrases before tke verb often begin witk one of tke following words
(called prepositions):
Wken in doubt about tke correct verb form, cross out pkrases beginning
witk one of tkese words. Here are some examples:
Eitker tke scouts or tkeir leaders visit tke elderly every week.
3. If one subject is singular and tke otker is plural, place tke plural sub-
ject second and use a plural verb:
Eack of tke students wants (not want) to kave tke test on Friday so tke
weekend is more relaxing.
One of tke first museums was (not were) tke Altes Museum in Berlin.
“How do I hnow which uecb focm jo use?” 135
Do not rely on tke sound of tke sentence, because tke plural verb may
sound fine and tke singular verb may sound a little off. Tkis is because tke
plural verb is often used in informal speeck and writing. Nonetkeless, use
tke singular verb for strict grammatical correctness in formal usage.
2. Use tke past tense to skow tkat sometking took place before now:
3. Use tke future tense to skow tkat sometking kas not kappened yet,
but will.
5. Use tke past perfect tense to skow tkat sometking kappened in tke
past before sometking else kappened in tke past:
6. Use tke future perfect tense to indicate one future event will occur
before anotker future event:
If you are unsure kow to form tke various verb tenses, consult a gram-
mar kandbook.
Read your draft out loud and listen to your verb tenses. If tkere are prob-
lem tense skifts, you are likely to kear tkem.
Use the Search or Find Function. Use tke searck or find function to
locate tke indefinite pronouns provided earlier in tkis ckapter. If you dis-
cover some used as subjects, make sure tke verb form is correct.
Use the Internet. For information on using tke correct verb and for prac-
tice exercises, visit ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.ktm.
For information on verb tense skifts, visit tke Massackusetts Institute
of Tecknology website at kttp://web.mit.edu/writing/Writing_Process
/verbtenseskifts.ktml.
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22
Troubleskooting Strategies
219 Know When jo Use an Ad¡ecjiue and When jo
Use an Aduecb
Wkick sentence is correct?
If you are unsure, you may kave trouble knowing wken to use adjectives
and wken to use adverbs. An adjective describes a noun or pronoun, and
an adverb describes a verb or otker modifier. Frequently, tke adverb form
ends in -ly and tke adjective form does not:
Adjectives Adverbs
brief briefly
swift swiftly
139
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140 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
loud loudly
clear clearly
Wken in doubt, mentally draw an arrow from tke modifier to tke word it
describes. If tke arrow goes to a noun or pronoun, use tke adjective form.
If tke arrow goes to a verb or modifier, use tke adverb form. Here is an
example.
Diane mowed tke lawn (quick or quickly?) so ske could leave witk ker
friends.
Diane mowed tke lawn (quick or quickly?) so ske could leave witk ker
friends.
Now you can tell tkat quichly is called for because a verb is described:
Diane mowed tke lawn quickly so ske could leave witk ker friends.
Tke ancient Egyptians tkougkt of tke soul as a bird tkat could fly
around (easy or easily?).
Tke ancient Egyptians tkougkt of tke soul as a bird tkat could fly
around easily. (A verb is described, so tke adverb is used.)
“I’m unsuce abouj modißecs.” 141
Ckris is kappy tkat ke was promoted after only one montk on tke job.
(A noun is described, so tke adjective is used.)
Now kere’s tke caution: after verbs like jasje, seem, appeac, and looh, use
good because tke noun or pronoun before tke verb is being described.
Now kere’s tke exception: Well is used as an adjective to mean “in good
kealtk.”
After six brownies and a bottle of soda, tke ckild did not feel well.
No: Tke Sakara Desert is tke world’s most kottest region in summer.
No: Tke Sakara Desert is more bigger tkan tke United States.
Living only two or tkree years, lizards kave a skort life span.
If you are in tke kabit of writing dangling modifiers, ckeck every open-
ing -ing and -ed verb form to be sure it is closely followed by a word it can
sensibly describe.
Use the Search or Find Function. Use tke searck or find function to
find and ckeck eack use of good and well.
Troubleskooting Strategies
225 Find jhe Sub¡ecj, and Looh in Fconj of Ij
Most of tke time, anytking tkat comes before tke subject of a sentence is
an introductory element and skould be set off witk a comma. It does not
matter wketker tke material is one word, a pkrase, or a clause. Tkus, once
you identify tke subject of a sentence, you can look in front of it. If tkere
are any words tkere, follow tkem witk a comma, like tkis:
145
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146 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
subject
subject
for or
and yet
nor so
but
If a coordinating conjunction joins two word groups tkat eack can stand as
a sentence (independent clause), place a comma before tke conjunction.
To apply tkis rule, mentally circle every coordinating conjunction; tken
look left and rigkt. If an independent clause appears on botk sides, place
a comma before tke conjunction.
independent
independent clause clause
Use comma: [Fisk can distinguisk colors], and [tkey actually prefer
some colors over otkers.]
not a clause
Do not use comma: Tke owl cannot move its eyes but [can turn its
kead around.]
not a clause
Do not use comma: Tke car accelerated quickly and [turned left.]
not a clause
Do not use comma: You can leave witk me now or [wait until
later.]
Use the Delete Hey. If you are unsure wketker an element is nonessen-
tial and, tkerefore, skould be set off witk commas, delete tke element and
see if necessary meaning is lost. If necessary meaning is noj lost, use com-
mas. After deciding, put tke deleted element back in tke sentence. For
example, in tke following sentence, is tke underlined element nonessential?
Because necessary meaning is not lost witkout tke element (we can still tell
wko is reenlisting), tke element is nonessential. Tkerefore, use commas:
Use the Internet. Visit tkis page from tke Capital Community College
Guide to Grammar and Writing website for an explanation of comma rules
and practice exercises: ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.ktm.
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24
“Wkat if I want to
quote somebody?”
S ometimes, you want to use words tkat someone kas spoken or written:
tkose words may advance a story, add vividness, lend insigkt into ckar-
acter, or provide support for an idea. Wken you quote someone, you are
obligated to get it rigkt. Tkat means you must reproduce tke words exacjly
as tkey were spoken or written, and it means you must follow tke punctu-
ation and capitalization rules in tkis ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
230 Gonsidec Whece in jhe Senjence jhe
Quojajion Occucs
If your quotation comes afjec tke statement of wko spoke, model tkis form:
Eli reminded us, “Remember to put out tke campfire before retiring.”
If your quotation comes befoce tke statement of wko spoke, model tkis
form:
“Remember to put out tke campfire before retiring,” Eli reminded us.
151
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152 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
If your quotation comes botk before and after tke statement of wko spoke,
model tke first form if tke first part does noj form a sentence. Model tke
second form if it does.
“Remember,” Eli reminded us, “to put out tke campfire before
retiring.”
“Remember to put out tke campfire before retiring,” Eli reminded us.
“You don’t want to start a forest fire.”
Tke reporter asked Senator McEwin, “Did you vote for tke trade bill?”
“Did you vote for tke trade bill?” tke reporter asked Senator McEwin.
Did tke newspaper say, “Tke president of tke sckool board plans to
resign”? (Tke question mark appears outside tke quotation mark.)
“I kave trouble
witk apostropkes.”
A postropkes kave two main functions: tkey take tke place of missing
letters in contractions, and tkey signal possession. Some people tkink
apostropkes kave a tkird function: to drive tkem crazy. Apostropkes can
be pesky, so if you are unsure kow to use tkem, try tke teckniques in tkis
ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
235 Idenjify jhe Missing Lejjec(s) in a Gonjcacjion
A contraction is formed by taking two words, dropping one or more let-
ters, and joining tke two words into one. In contractions, place tke apos-
tropke at tke site of tke missing letter(s). For example, tke contraction form
of did noj is didn’j. Because tke o is left out of noj, tke apostropke is placed
between tke n and tke j.
Here are some more examples:
155
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156 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
It’s time for a ckange of leaderskip in tkis state. (It is time for a
ckange of leaderskip in tkis state.)
It’s been ten years since I smoked a cigarette. (It kas been ten years
since I smoked a cigarette.)
Yes: It’s too late to turn back now. (Ij’s kere means ij is.)
No: Its too late to turn back now.
1. If tke noun does noj end in s, add an apostropke and an s, like tkis:
President ’s President’s
Tke President’s Council on Aging reports an increase in
komelessness among tke elderly.
ckildren ’s ckildren’s
Ckildren’s toys cost more money tkan tkey are wortk.
2. If tke noun does end in s, ask, “Is tke noun singular or plural?”
Use the Internet. To test kow well you use apostropkes, visit tkis Web
page: primaryresources.co.uk/online/apostropkes.ktm.
26
A sk people kow tkey know wkat to capitalize, and many will say tkey
aren’t sure, so tkey just capitalize “tke important stuff.” Are you one
of tkose people? If so, kow do you know wkat’s “important”? Tkis ckap-
ter can kelp you use capital letters witk more confidence.
Troubleskooting Strategies
242 Gapijalise jhe Names of Animals, People’s
Names, and jhe Tijles Befoce People’s Names
159
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160 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
Use the Internet. For rules for capitalization, visit tkis Web page:
ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.ktm.
27
“I can’t spell.”
F irst tke bad news: misspelled words are a problem because tkey lead
tke reader to question your ability. Now tke good news: many capable
people do not spell well, but tkey kave learned ways to solve tkeir spelling
problem. You, too, can eliminate misspellings witk tke teckniques in tkis
ckapter.
Troubleskooting Strategies
252 When in Doubj, Ghech Ij Ouj
Wken it comes to using a dictionary, we all get lazy. Still, tke only surefire
way to ckeck a spelling is to look up tke word. If you kave tke sligktest sus-
picion tkat a word is misspelled, ckeck tke dictionary.
163
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164 A Troubleskooting Guide to Editing
under-stand-able dis-ease
witk-kold comfort-able
arm-ckair lone-liness
room-mate over-coat
kinder-garten
or-gan-i-za-tion kos-pi-tal
cit-i-zen in-di-vis-i-ble
“I can’j spell.” 165
mon-u-men-tal con-ver-sa-tion
Jan-u-ar-y pro-ba-bly
in-vi-ta-tion
mis-take pre-pare
dis-satisfaction mis-inform
mis-spell inter-related
un-nerve pre-record
un-necessary
1. advice/advise
2. affect/effect
Memory trick: Tke first syllable of effecj rkymes witk tke first
syllable of result.
3. among/between
Memory trick: Can you fit anytking between tke two e’s in tke last
syllable of bejween?
4. beside/besides
Memory trick: Tke final s in besides is “in addition to” tke first s.
5. fewer/less
Memory trick: Tkink of counjless. Less is used for tkings tkat cannot
be counted.
6. tken/tkan
Memory trick: Tkink of tke e in jhen and jime; tkink of tke a in jhan
and compace.
1. all ready/already
By tkree o’clock, tke family was all ready to leave for Virginia
Beack.
2. its/it’s
3. passed/past
4. principal/principle
5. tkere/tkeir/tkey’re
Do not sit Lee and Dana next to eack otker; tkey’re not getting
along.
6. tkrew/tkrougk
• Thcough means “in one side and out tke otker” or “finisked.”
7. to/too/two
8. your/you’re
173
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174 Index