Running head: THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 1

The Real-Life Effects of the Romantic Comedy

Mikayla Falslev

Salt Lake Community College

THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 2

The Real-Life Effects of the Romantic Comedy

Introduction

Our first attitudes about relationships, love and sex are formed throughout childhood,

adolescence and early adulthood as we observe and experience relationships within our sphere of

understanding. A century ago these attitudes were primarily shaped through direct interpersonal

experiences and real-life observations of relationships among family and friends. As a result, our

ideas on romantic relationships were strongly influenced by the attitudes of our family and

friends.

Today, the situation is reversed for the majority of households. Media is often the

dominant influence and the marketing of ‘romance’ to the masses has resulted in a shift towards

idealized romantic expectations that are based in fiction, not reality.

This paper seeks to provide a glimpse into how and why fictional romance and

relationship attitudes are creeping into the population and what are the consequences of adopting

these unrealistic romantic expectations. I anticipate that these unrealistic expectations will result

in increased feelings of romantic dissatisfaction and unhappiness, creating cognitive dissonance

that triggers a need to see romantic comedy movies to make oneself feel better, starting the cycle

over again.

Literature Review

Expectations often precede experience when it comes to romance (Bachen & Illouz,

1996). Unfortunately, young people today actively seek out reality dating shows and romantic
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comedies in order to increase their understanding of romance (Bachen & Illouz, 1996). This

often results in young people having attitudes and expectations of romance that are as unrealistic

as the shows.

According to Thibaut and Kelley’s interdependence theory (1959), satisfaction with

relationships is, in part, a function of our relationship level in comparison to the best possible

alternative (the level that could be achieved with someone else). Comparisons are based on our

experiences in relationships as well as our perceptions of others’ relationships (i.e., social

comparisons). These comparisons help us to form our expectations for what makes up a good

relationship.

If a person believes that their current relationship level is superior to what they could

attain in a best case alternative relationship, then they are likely to enjoy a happy and stable

relationship. If a person perceives that their current relationship doesn’t stack up to the

hypothetical alternative, then their relationship satisfaction and stability will be greatly

diminished (Thibaut & Kelley, 1959).

Essentially, a person’s relationship satisfaction isn’t determined by the relationship itself,

but by the expectations of it. Preconceived standards, expectations and attitudes are the only

factors in determining satisfaction or dissatisfaction (Peplau & Perlman, 1982; Perlman &

Peplau, 1981). Thus, the fictional, ‘feel-good’, Hollywood romantic comedy movies are actually

making people ‘feel-bad’ by instilling romance expectations that are completely unrealistic in an

actual relationship and leading many to falsely believe that their romantic relationship is lacking.
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A research team at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh studied 40 top box office films

released between 1995 and 2005, to establish common themes. They then asked hundreds of

people to fill out a questionnaire to describe their beliefs and expectations when it came to

relationships.

The psychologists found that fans of films such as You've Got Mail, The Wedding

Planner and While You Were Sleeping, often fail to communicate with their partners effectively,

with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know

what you want without you needing to tell them.

Dr. Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist who led the research, said: "Marriage counsellors

often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be

with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.” “We now

have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas

in people's minds.” “The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect

relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we

realize."

To what degree do romantic comedy movies, reality dating programs and other media

shape romantic relationship attitudes and expectations? Reasonable people know that rom-coms

aren’t what love is really like, just as reasonable people know that porn is not what sex is really

like. But these movies still create an image of romance that leaks into the atmosphere and may

subtly shape people’s perceptions and expectations of love.

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Script theory posits that peoples’ behaviors and interactions are governed by socially

accepted rules and sequences (DeLamater & Hyde, 2004). Much like the script of a play, many

kinds of generic social interactions (such as a first date or job interview) are expected to follow a

certain sequence of events. In the area of sexual behavior, for instance, research has established

that scripts prescribe the appropriate sequence of events leading up to intercourse (Gagnon &

Simon, 1973) and that this sequence is universally understood by people in American culture

(Jemail & Geer, 1977). In the area of close relationships more generally, scripts have been

applied to the appropriate sequence of events for initiating and developing relationships

(DeLamater & Hyde, 2004). There is some evidence that we may learn certain scripts via

exposure to the media (Duran & Prusank, 1997; Ward & Rivadeneyra, 1999). Much like

cultivation theory’s (Gerbner, Gross, Morgan, & Signorielli, 1994) idea that constant exposure to

media images leads to a belief that such images are realistic, script theory looking at media

influence posits that if we are exposed again and again to similar relationship themes in the

media, we may adopt a perception that those portrayals represent reality. In turn, those media

portrayals of relationships may shape our expectations for our own relationships.

A survey of 578 college students was used to determine if there is a relationship between

college students watching reality TV of a romantic nature or about sexual relationships and their

likelihood to engage in a one-night stand. Joshua Fogel and Lyudamila Kovalenko found that,

“those who watched reality television sexual relationship shows as compared to those who did

not watch reality television sexual relationship shows had a greater percentage to engage in one-

night stands” (2013, 328).

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“Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested.” – www.theonion.com

Hollywood romantic comedies subtly alter opinions of stalking behavior as a normal part

of romance, according to a new study by Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral fellow in the department

of communication studies at the University of Michigan. She had a group of 426 women each

watch one of six movies that had been edited down to a half an hour: a romantic comedy where a

man pursues a woman and it’s depicted positively (There’s Something About

Mayor Management), a movie where a man pursues a woman romantically and it’s depicted as

scary (Sleeping with the Enemy or Enough), or a nature documentary (March of the

Penguins or Winged Migration) as the control.

After the screening, the women took a survey ranking their agreement with several

“stalking myths,” such as, “Many alleged stalking victims are actually people who played hard to

get and changed their minds afterwards” or “An individual who goes to the extremes of stalking

must really feel passionately for his/her love interest.” Those who saw the scary stalking movies

were less likely than the control group or the rom-com viewers to endorse these myths. Women

who watched the rom-coms endorsed these myths more if they reported feeling transported by

the movie or thinking that the movie was realistic.

The narrative of slowly wearing someone down over time, be it through stalking or just

being friendly and always around, is one that is also inexplicably held up as romantic sometimes.
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“The whole ‘nice guy’ trope is a similar thing [to stalking],” Lippman says. “It's like,

‘Oh, if you put in the time, you’re entitled to her.’ What she might want in the situation is really

beside the point. Because really, she does want you, she just hasn't realized it yet.”

In love stories, the ends justify the means. The couple ends up together, they kiss, they

get married, they ride off into the sunset, whatever. So obviously it all worked out for the best.

Even the Love Actually guy (who was stalking his best friend’s wife) got a little smooch for his

efforts.

“This is absolutely supported by social cognitive theory,” Lippman says, “where the

reinforcements that are at play, these are going to shape how we ultimately view actions and

values. We’re going to be more likely to adopt whatever behaviors or values are communicated

if they seem to lead to a positive outcome. And what could be a more positive outcome than

getting to be with the woman of your dreams?”

However, while initially making audiences feel good through stories of overwhelming,

effortless romance and love conquering everything, romance movies are actually sowing the

seeds of cognitive dissonance,” says Lippman. “You can’t possibly be in love or be happy in

your romantic relationship because it doesn’t check all of the romcom boxes that you need in

order to be happy and satisfied. That kernel of dissatisfaction will hold you back from investing

in the relationship and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy of its failure.”

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Application

In my own life I have been guilty of making perfection the enemy of the good, as my

father would say. I would consistently bail out of relationships or avoid them altogether due to

some criteria in my head. However, until I started looking for an interesting topic and landed on

this one, I had been completely unaware I had been doing it.

There’s nothing wrong with having criteria for a romantic relationship; i.e. attractiveness,

consideration, caring and honesty. Expecting to feel ‘in love’ all the time and have the person

guess what I’m thinking and know exactly what to say without asking are the other silly things

that I expected without even knowing why I wanted them. Writing this, I began pinpointing

where I got these ideas and I’m sad to say that I was duped by Hollywood.

In wanting all of these extra, impossible things for my romantic relationships, I have

effectively ensured that I’m either single or mostly unhappy with whomever I’ve been dating.

Finally understanding why has helped. It’s like the section on persuasion and how simply being

alert to the persuasion nearly eliminates its impact. This research can and should be applied to

‘real life’ by adding a day or two about ‘real relationships’ in high school health class.

Conclusion

I learned a lot about myself from the experience of researching this topic. I did a lot of

research and read through over a dozen sources on the topic. Some sources argued that the

media’s effect in shaping relationship and romance perceptions was negligible, but my own
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personal experience contradicted that. The most difficult part was processing the different

information, theories and research that supported the subject of this research paper and

presenting all of it together as a whole cohesive thought.

I would be interested in researching further into how interpersonal relationships are

affected by social media, community values, the presence of siblings and other social factors. I

feel like there are a lot of disrespectful things that are allowed or ignored in relationships and I

am curious as to the root causes.

Understanding the realities of romance, relationships, sex and love and what is realistic,

what is positive and what is negative could help a lot of people. All of the attitudes and

expectations about love and romance I had were focused on impossible, silly things that only led

me to being unhappy and feeling unsatisfied. Helping people have good, healthy relationships

throughout their lives has to begin with them knowing what good actually looks like.

Expanding this topic out a bit, I feel like we are all being pulled and persuaded to think

things and want things with no regard to our well-being. Hollywood studios are fully aware that

they are selling impossibilities and manipulating emotions, but don’t care about the

repercussions as long as their sales increase.

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