Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
Mikayla Falslev
Introduction
Our first attitudes about relationships, love and sex are formed throughout childhood,
adolescence and early adulthood as we observe and experience relationships within our sphere of
understanding. A century ago these attitudes were primarily shaped through direct interpersonal
experiences and real-life observations of relationships among family and friends. As a result, our
ideas on romantic relationships were strongly influenced by the attitudes of our family and
friends.
Today, the situation is reversed for the majority of households. Media is often the
dominant influence and the marketing of ‘romance’ to the masses has resulted in a shift towards
This paper seeks to provide a glimpse into how and why fictional romance and
relationship attitudes are creeping into the population and what are the consequences of adopting
these unrealistic romantic expectations. I anticipate that these unrealistic expectations will result
that triggers a need to see romantic comedy movies to make oneself feel better, starting the cycle
over again.
Literature Review
Expectations often precede experience when it comes to romance (Bachen & Illouz,
1996). Unfortunately, young people today actively seek out reality dating shows and romantic
THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 3
comedies in order to increase their understanding of romance (Bachen & Illouz, 1996). This
often results in young people having attitudes and expectations of romance that are as unrealistic
as the shows.
relationships is, in part, a function of our relationship level in comparison to the best possible
alternative (the level that could be achieved with someone else). Comparisons are based on our
comparisons). These comparisons help us to form our expectations for what makes up a good
relationship.
If a person believes that their current relationship level is superior to what they could
attain in a best case alternative relationship, then they are likely to enjoy a happy and stable
relationship. If a person perceives that their current relationship doesn’t stack up to the
hypothetical alternative, then their relationship satisfaction and stability will be greatly
but by the expectations of it. Preconceived standards, expectations and attitudes are the only
factors in determining satisfaction or dissatisfaction (Peplau & Perlman, 1982; Perlman &
Peplau, 1981). Thus, the fictional, ‘feel-good’, Hollywood romantic comedy movies are actually
making people ‘feel-bad’ by instilling romance expectations that are completely unrealistic in an
actual relationship and leading many to falsely believe that their romantic relationship is lacking.
THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 4
A research team at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh studied 40 top box office films
released between 1995 and 2005, to establish common themes. They then asked hundreds of
people to fill out a questionnaire to describe their beliefs and expectations when it came to
relationships.
The psychologists found that fans of films such as You've Got Mail, The Wedding
Planner and While You Were Sleeping, often fail to communicate with their partners effectively,
with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know
Dr. Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist who led the research, said: "Marriage counsellors
often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be
with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.” “We now
have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas
in people's minds.” “The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect
relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we
realize."
To what degree do romantic comedy movies, reality dating programs and other media
shape romantic relationship attitudes and expectations? Reasonable people know that rom-coms
aren’t what love is really like, just as reasonable people know that porn is not what sex is really
like. But these movies still create an image of romance that leaks into the atmosphere and may
Script theory posits that peoples’ behaviors and interactions are governed by socially
accepted rules and sequences (DeLamater & Hyde, 2004). Much like the script of a play, many
kinds of generic social interactions (such as a first date or job interview) are expected to follow a
certain sequence of events. In the area of sexual behavior, for instance, research has established
that scripts prescribe the appropriate sequence of events leading up to intercourse (Gagnon &
Simon, 1973) and that this sequence is universally understood by people in American culture
(Jemail & Geer, 1977). In the area of close relationships more generally, scripts have been
applied to the appropriate sequence of events for initiating and developing relationships
(DeLamater & Hyde, 2004). There is some evidence that we may learn certain scripts via
exposure to the media (Duran & Prusank, 1997; Ward & Rivadeneyra, 1999). Much like
cultivation theory’s (Gerbner, Gross, Morgan, & Signorielli, 1994) idea that constant exposure to
media images leads to a belief that such images are realistic, script theory looking at media
influence posits that if we are exposed again and again to similar relationship themes in the
media, we may adopt a perception that those portrayals represent reality. In turn, those media
portrayals of relationships may shape our expectations for our own relationships.
A survey of 578 college students was used to determine if there is a relationship between
college students watching reality TV of a romantic nature or about sexual relationships and their
likelihood to engage in a one-night stand. Joshua Fogel and Lyudamila Kovalenko found that,
“those who watched reality television sexual relationship shows as compared to those who did
not watch reality television sexual relationship shows had a greater percentage to engage in one-
Hollywood romantic comedies subtly alter opinions of stalking behavior as a normal part
of romance, according to a new study by Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral fellow in the department
of communication studies at the University of Michigan. She had a group of 426 women each
watch one of six movies that had been edited down to a half an hour: a romantic comedy where a
man pursues a woman and it’s depicted positively (There’s Something About
Mayor Management), a movie where a man pursues a woman romantically and it’s depicted as
scary (Sleeping with the Enemy or Enough), or a nature documentary (March of the
After the screening, the women took a survey ranking their agreement with several
“stalking myths,” such as, “Many alleged stalking victims are actually people who played hard to
get and changed their minds afterwards” or “An individual who goes to the extremes of stalking
must really feel passionately for his/her love interest.” Those who saw the scary stalking movies
were less likely than the control group or the rom-com viewers to endorse these myths. Women
who watched the rom-coms endorsed these myths more if they reported feeling transported by
The narrative of slowly wearing someone down over time, be it through stalking or just
being friendly and always around, is one that is also inexplicably held up as romantic sometimes.
THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 7
“The whole ‘nice guy’ trope is a similar thing [to stalking],” Lippman says. “It's like,
‘Oh, if you put in the time, you’re entitled to her.’ What she might want in the situation is really
beside the point. Because really, she does want you, she just hasn't realized it yet.”
In love stories, the ends justify the means. The couple ends up together, they kiss, they
get married, they ride off into the sunset, whatever. So obviously it all worked out for the best.
Even the Love Actually guy (who was stalking his best friend’s wife) got a little smooch for his
efforts.
“This is absolutely supported by social cognitive theory,” Lippman says, “where the
reinforcements that are at play, these are going to shape how we ultimately view actions and
values. We’re going to be more likely to adopt whatever behaviors or values are communicated
if they seem to lead to a positive outcome. And what could be a more positive outcome than
However, while initially making audiences feel good through stories of overwhelming,
effortless romance and love conquering everything, romance movies are actually sowing the
seeds of cognitive dissonance,” says Lippman. “You can’t possibly be in love or be happy in
your romantic relationship because it doesn’t check all of the romcom boxes that you need in
order to be happy and satisfied. That kernel of dissatisfaction will hold you back from investing
Application
In my own life I have been guilty of making perfection the enemy of the good, as my
father would say. I would consistently bail out of relationships or avoid them altogether due to
some criteria in my head. However, until I started looking for an interesting topic and landed on
this one, I had been completely unaware I had been doing it.
There’s nothing wrong with having criteria for a romantic relationship; i.e. attractiveness,
consideration, caring and honesty. Expecting to feel ‘in love’ all the time and have the person
guess what I’m thinking and know exactly what to say without asking are the other silly things
that I expected without even knowing why I wanted them. Writing this, I began pinpointing
where I got these ideas and I’m sad to say that I was duped by Hollywood.
In wanting all of these extra, impossible things for my romantic relationships, I have
effectively ensured that I’m either single or mostly unhappy with whomever I’ve been dating.
Finally understanding why has helped. It’s like the section on persuasion and how simply being
alert to the persuasion nearly eliminates its impact. This research can and should be applied to
‘real life’ by adding a day or two about ‘real relationships’ in high school health class.
Conclusion
I learned a lot about myself from the experience of researching this topic. I did a lot of
research and read through over a dozen sources on the topic. Some sources argued that the
media’s effect in shaping relationship and romance perceptions was negligible, but my own
THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY 9
personal experience contradicted that. The most difficult part was processing the different
information, theories and research that supported the subject of this research paper and
affected by social media, community values, the presence of siblings and other social factors. I
feel like there are a lot of disrespectful things that are allowed or ignored in relationships and I
Understanding the realities of romance, relationships, sex and love and what is realistic,
what is positive and what is negative could help a lot of people. All of the attitudes and
expectations about love and romance I had were focused on impossible, silly things that only led
me to being unhappy and feeling unsatisfied. Helping people have good, healthy relationships
throughout their lives has to begin with them knowing what good actually looks like.
Expanding this topic out a bit, I feel like we are all being pulled and persuaded to think
things and want things with no regard to our well-being. Hollywood studios are fully aware that
they are selling impossibilities and manipulating emotions, but don’t care about the
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