Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
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USING NLP
Aim
Objectives
On completion of the training you should be able to:~
You have just found a magic lamp and true to the fairytale you rub it and
a genie appears. This is no ordinary genie and although he grants
you three wishes you are only allowed wishes which affect
change in you, your boss, your job or the people around you.
1.
2.
3.
You will be asked to read out your wish list and the reasons why you
have selected the changes written.
Activity 1
Please consider the following questions and write your answer in the space
below:~
Activity 1/answer
2. What are the benefits or advantages of having a good rapport with others?
improved communication
enhances relationships
common interests
mutual interests
Rapport
Activity
Please consider what happens when you have rapport with others and
answer the following:~
When you have rapport with someone, what does it feel like? What
happens?
e.g. good eye contact
What happens when there is no rapport with someone, what does it feel like?
What happens? e.g. arguing
Activity 2/answer
Rapport
You may have answered:~
When you have rapport with someone, what does it feel like? What
happens?
e.g. good eye contact
Touching
Laughing together
Verbal agreement
No eye contact
Raised voices
Activity 3
BODY LANGUAGE IS
%
IN THE COMMUNICATION
TONE OF VOICE IS
%
IN THE COMMUNICATION
WORDS ARE
%
IN THE COMMUNICATION
PROCESS
Activity 3/answer
WORD
S
TONE OF VOICE
38% BODY
LANGUAGE
55%
Tone is made up of voice pitch, speed of speaking, pauses, loudness of voice, hard/soft tone,
firm/uncertain voice, emphasis and is used to measure the feeling of the individual about the
content of the communication and the view of the other person.
Words ~ Bandler & Grindler (1976) reported “the verbal component is the least interesting and
least influential part of communication”.
Body language is made up from: bearing and posture, eye contact, expression on face,
hand/arm gestures, breathing, observance of personal space needs and shows attitudes and
values of the person e.g. self respect and level of respect for others, emotional
Activitystate,
4 honesty
and integrity and belief in the message.
Discuss the following and write your responses in the boxes provided ~
What did you notice about your own body language and that of the other
person?
Activity 4/answer
What did you notice about your own body language and that of the other
person?
You may have noticed that your body language was open ~ that you had
good eye contact and your posture relaxed etc
You may have noticed that the body language of the other person
matched yours. MATCHED OR MIRRORED body language is a sign of
rapport being present. It is far easier to achieve mutually beneficial
outcomes when you have rapport with someone.
Activity 5
Activity
It is also important that when you are reading the other person’s verbal and
non-verbal communication it is done in a subtle, elegant and ethical way.
There are ways that you can ensure it is not viewed as mimicry or imitation by
matching the person’s behaviour in different ways.
Activity
Consider some of the different ways in which you can match the other
person’s behaviour using subtle techniques:~
Activity 5/answer
Consider some of the different ways in which you can match the other
person’s behaviour using subtle techniques:~
Activity 6
Activity
Advantages Disadvantages
Activity 6/answer
Advantages Disadvantages
Done with integrity creates positive Can become compulsive – try not
feelings and responses in you and become obsessive and mimic
others people
Leads to you sharing the other Imitation often gets noticed and
persons experience and the way can be objectionable
they see the world
Activity 7
Activity
Consider how you can match the sound of the other person’s voice without
mimicking their accent etc? For example: Tone – soft, friendly and gentle.
Activity 7/answer
Matching your tone of voice with the other person’s often develops rapport.
This is your subconscious wanting you to be liked and believing that, if you
sound similar to the other person, they will like you.
Discuss in your group how you can match the sound of the other person’s
voice without mimicking their accent etc? For example: Tone – soft, friendly
and gentle.
Volume ~ high/low/whisper
Pace ~ slow/quick/moderate
Pitch ~ powerful/gentle
Activity 8/page 1
Look around the room at your colleagues and check how they are sitting.
MATCHED body language means they are doing the same thing. Perhaps
they both have left leg crossed over right, hands clasped with fingers
interlaced.
MIRRORED body language means a mirror image of each other. One may
have left leg over right, leaning to their right, whilst the person next to them
has right leg over left and is leaning to their left.
Royal Invitation
Activity
Invitation
You have been invited to attend the opening of a newly built factory
which is part of a multi-national organisation. The Prince of Wales is
formally opening the company and will want to shake hands with you
and others and have a brief conversation with people. This can be a bit
overwhelming and he is keen to put you at your ease as quickly as
possible.
Form ‘receiving lines’ (like a wedding party). You will all take it in turn to be
the ‘Prince of Wales’, passing along your own receiving line, shaking hands
with everyone in the line and chatting to them for no more than 30 seconds
each.
As you do this you will be PACING ~ that is, noticing the BODY LANGUAGE
and listening to the VOICE TONE of each person in turn and
MATCHING/MIRRORING both of these elements.
When you are waiting in the receiving line, you may want to vary your body
language and voice tone, pitch etc from those of your colleagues. You can
make up your own identity and whatever achievement you want (be creative).
The ‘Prince’ will take all this in his stride!
Activity 9/Page 1
When you hear someone speaking in one of these channels, you can ‘tune
into their wavelength’ by using words of the same channel to develop
rapport quickly.
Activity 9/page 2
Activity
This will help you to recognise the different phrases or metaphors that
people use in conversation which help to give us clues as to which
communication channel they prefer when they speak. You can then use
these same or similar types of words when you communicate with them
to ensure you are ‘speaking their language’.
Activity 10/page 1
Read each of the following questions in turn and circle the letter a, b or c of
the answer that applies to you:~
1. What would make you suspect that someone was lying to you?
2. How do you know that you have had a good day at work?
Activity 10/page 2
7. Which would be the best way for you to unwind at the end of a trying day?
8. If you want to thank or reward someone for doing you a favour, which of
these would you do?
Activity 10/page 3
11. Which magazine would you be most likely to pick up and read?
Visual people often sit forward in their chair or on the edge of their chair.
They tend to be more organised, orderly and deliberate. They are conscious
of their appearance and will be neat and well-groomed. They are good
spellers and memorise things by picturing them. They are sometimes quieter
and are less distracted by noise. They may have trouble remembering verbal
instructions unless they have pictured them and are bored by long verbal
explanations because their minds tend to wander. They would rather read to
themselves than be read to. A visual person will notice how someone looks
at them and likes to learn by seeing pictures, graphics and diagrams. Their
hobbies and interests may have a strong visual element in them, such as art
or photography
If you scored highest on Auditory (Hearing) then you may identify with
part or all of the following description:~
Auditory (Hearing) people typically may talk to themselves and are easily
distracted by noise. They may move their lips when they are mentally saying
words and can repeat things back to you easily. They find spoken language
easier than mathematics and writing. Music is important to them and they
learn by listening. They may play personal development tapes in the car or
listen to ‘speaking books’ for leisure. They commit things to memory by using
steps, procedures and sequence. They are interested in being told how they
are doing and will particularly notice different tones of voice. They may spend
a lot of time on the telephone or have hobbies that involve sound, such as
listening to music, singing or playing an instrument.
Activity 11
It’s important when communicating with the other person how they
experience the world around them. This will help you to improve the
way you express your ideas and views, and they can see, hear or get in
touch with your message. Recognising their predominant
communication channel is a starting point but to take rapport to a higher
level you also need to think how the person’s VAK channel affects your
communication with them.
What can you do, given that you know which VAK channel they prefer, to
ensure your verbal and non-verbal communication matches theirs during a
conversation with them. Think in terms of where you would stand in relation
to them, whether you would make gestures or otherwise, how would you use
your voice:~
Visual people –
Auditory people –
Kinaesthetic people –
Activity 11/answer
Visual people – like space, so sit or stand far enough away from them so
they can see all of you. They also speak faster than other channels, their
breathing is usually shallow and they make many hand gestures during
conversation. So it may be an idea for you to increase your rate of speech,
match your breathing to theirs and subtly make hand gestures when you
speak. They prefer to ‘visualise’ or see how to ‘do’ something so you will
need to demonstrate rather than explain verbally what they need to do
Not everyone can be placed into neat boxes in which they are one
communication channel or another. It’s just something that happens.
Some people have a more dominant style whilst others adopt a specific
style in most situations but not all. Other people will switch from one
style to another in given situations. So it’s important that you try to
substantiate which style they are currently using when you
communicate with them by pacing (reading) them and using
questioning techniques.
Activity 12/page 1
VC VR
AC
K
AR
AD
Activity 12/page 2
Activity
Please refer to Activity 12/page 1 and working with a partner take it in turns to
ask each other the questions below. When you ask the questions observe the
eye movement in your partner and note which way their eyes move for each
question. Please note your response in the appropriate space as follows:~
You can use the abbreviated forms in your response as shown below:~
Visual Constructed = VC
Auditory Constructed = AC
Kinaesthetic = K
Visual Remembered = VR
Auditory Remembered = AR
Auditory Digital = AD
Activity 12/answer
Be aware that everyone is different and may stray from the norm. So it’s
important to avoid putting people into ‘boxes’. For example right handed
people and left handed people will have differences i.e. mirror image and a
few people are ambidextrous! Also people often have a mixture of patterns.
For example a person whose lead system is Auditory Digital would answer the
first question above in the following way – eyes would go down to the left (AD)
before going up to the left (VR). This is because they would need to repeat
the question to themselves first (AD) and then search for the answer (VR).
Activity 13
Activity
Activity 13/answer
Activity
Enables you to establish when its best to speak and when you
should allow them time to ‘think’ i.e. when they are talking to
themselves silently
Helps you to plan what you are going to say so that the other person
will find your ideas/views/suggestions or comments appealing and
easy to understand
Recognise how to improve your thinking style so that you are not
limiting the way you approach situations when you need to convey
your message effectively
Helps you to assess how you behave with that person – for example,
how close to position yourself to them, whether to speak quickly or
slowly
Activity 14
Activity
Consider the different ways below that people use eye contact and what you
can do to ensure rapport is created and sustained. What would you do when
the other person gives you:~
A Fixed Stare –
A Darting Glance –
Minimal Eye Contact –
How would you test out whether you are pacing (reading) the other
person’s eye movement correctly to establish rapport?
Activity 14/answer
Consider the different ways below that people use eye contact and what you
can do to ensure rapport is created and sustained. What would you do when
the other person gives you:~
A Fixed Stare – look a bit longer than you would usually, but avoid being
competitive. When listening ensure sustained eye contact with this person
and use head nodding or other signs to indicate you are listening to break any
possible tension. Useful to note also is their eyes will not move if they do not
have to search for a recent memory or observation, so be aware of
assumptions.
A Darting Glance – avert your eyes more than usual if you are speaking.
Avoid staring as this could be construed as aggressive and could damage
rapport.
Minimal Eye Contact – you should make less eye contact than normal with
this person. You could use peripheral vision to watch them.
How would you test out whether you are pacing (reading) the other
person’s eye movement correctly to establish rapport?
So it’s important to substantiate which style they are using at the time you are
communicating with them. You can do this by observing, asking questions
and modifying your style of communication to verify theirs.
Activity 15/page 1
When you pace (read) another person’s behaviour and adjust yours to
develop rapport you should decide where you want the communication
to ‘lead’ to (work towards specific goals) and how you will take the other
person with you.
For example you can get people to change their state of mind, access
different information (eye cues), find out something new, or see things
differently. You can do this by asking questions, explaining something or
changing the way you talk about something and see if they go along with it.
So you would:~
Activity 15/page 2
Write down your questions and the response you would like (state
your goal clearly and the steps you will take to get there)
Start a conversation
At all times you should be observing the other person’s body language. Try
not to react to the other person’s viewpoint, just respond – this shows you are
listening and when people feel listened to there is rapport. You should ask
yourself where the conversation is leading to and what you want out of it.
Plan this ahead. You can get back to reading (‘pacing’) the other person at
any time, but you should revert to ‘leading’ and be clear about the outcome in
order to get the response/outcome you want.
The response I would like/the outcome I want at the end of this
conversation…
Activity 16/page 1
You might have wished that you had been able to communicate more
effectively in the past. So you can create an anchor using guided imagery
(visualisation) by recalling that past experience and making that (past
experience) more positive.
Alternatively you may want to create a future experience when you want to
appear more relaxed and confident in getting your message across. Creating
positive anchors in this way will help to establish more favourable and
receptive state for communicating your ideas and views more effectively.
Activity
This activity will help you create your unique anchor to improve your
communication with others and help you to get your message across more
effectively.
Choose one of these actions and ‘see’ yourself doing that action in the
way you desire.
Close your eyes and visualise that scenario of the future you and the
feelings you experience in vivid detail.
Now choose a word that increases the feelings you are experiencing
such as ‘fantastic’, ‘wonderful’ etc.
Activity 16/page 3
When the scene and your feelings reach a peak of intensity, create a
physical association by making a unique gesture such as pressing your
index finger and thumb together or anything you want and believe is
appropriate to future circumstances or situations.
Then release your ‘anchor’ (finger and thumb) and move around to
disassociate yourself with the experience. Go through again with each
action and each time repeat with a different unique ‘anchor’
Activity 17
Please consider how many different anchors you can create to help you
trigger the response you want in different scenarios such as interacting
with others on a one to one basis, making a presentation, in meetings or
gatherings. In fact, any situation which requires you to communicate
effectively. They may be visual, auditory or kinaesthetic, each one
having a different manifestation.
Visual –
Auditory –
Kinaesthetic –
Activity 17/answer
Activity 18/page 1
The other person’s state of mind including feelings and what they are
consciously and unconsciously dealing with will be significant in regard to how
they receive your ideas and suggestions. So by getting the kind of response
you want when you present your idea will increase the chances of your
message being favourably acted on and the response being positive.
Step 1
Ask the other person to recall a pleasant memory or experience by
asking them a question such as ‘Can you recall the time you felt………’
or ‘What inspires you about….’ Or ‘What do you like about…..’ By
asking them to recall a specific experience some of the feelings
associated with that memory will be reactivated and can be anchored.
Step 2
When the other person has told you about that specific experience or
memory, and when their response to your question reaches its peak
anchor it with either (depending on the situation and your assessment
of how appropriate the anchor might be):~
Step 3
When you want to reactivate the positive response trigger the anchor at
the appropriate moment by performing the same action as in Step 2. If
the anchor is verbal just repeat the word or words e.g. ‘Let me tell you a
fantastic story’. In this case the word ‘fantastic’ will be enough to
trigger the same positive response.
This form of anchoring helps people to feel good about themselves and
it will also help you to create a climate which is more receptive to your
ideas and help get your message across more effectively.
Activity 18/page 2
Activity
Working with a partner and using the three steps outlined in Activity
18/page 1 practise your scenario using an appropriate action to anchor
your partner into a positive state where your ideas or suggestions will
be welcomed.
Each of you will have your own scenario that you will need to practise in
turn.
How to start:~
Your scenario:~
Activity 18/page 3
Your experience:~
Activity 19/Quiz/page 1
3
Name four ways you can match someone’s tone of voice:~
Activity 19/Quiz/page 2
3
List three different types of anchor’s:~
1 Better communication
2 Mutual interest
3 Gain co-operation
Please list the three different ways we get our message across:~
1 Tone of Voice
2 Body Language
3 Words
Name four ways you can match someone’s tone of voice:~
1 Volume – high/low/whisper
2 Pace – slow/quick/moderate
3 Pitch – powerful/gentle
4 Tone – soft/friendly/gentle/hard/abrasive/brusque
1 Visual
2 Auditory
3 Kinaesthetic
3 Helps you to plan what you are going to say to get the response you
want
List three different types of anchor’s:~
Action Plan
Action Plan
Communication Skills Using NLP
List four areas in which you believe your development needs are
greatest
Evaluation
Just say in your own words whether it has helped you and how you
would like to apply the knowledge and skills acquired in your job:~
Thank you for taking the time to provide us with feedback.