Formatted Table

VB VIVIAN BADILLO

Perm #4638128 MASHA

Goleta, Ca 93117
ENGLISH DEPARTMENT • WRITING 2 ROOM 1237•
vbadillovelasco@umail.ucs UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SANTA BARBARA • GOLETA, CA
b .edu 93117

04/19/2018

Dear Masha,

The most important stages of the process of writing my paper was

realizing how I could use my PB1 and PB2 collaboratively. I
decided to choose pharmacy as my discourse community because
it fit the six criteria of John Swale’s “The Concept of Discourse
Community.” I had thought of other discourse communities such
as rugby or other sports I am in, but realized that we do not use
much of genres on the daily. On the other hand, I realized that
within the pharmacy, we deal with all sorts of genres every day. I
chose to organize my paper by describing how my discourse
community fit Swale’s six criteria and then the genre that is
mostly used by it. I felt like I was able to have my paper flow
better. I also chose to list the many other genres within my
discourse community in order to emphasize that emails are the
most important among many of the genres.

Being able to have partners, gave me ideas on how we could

structure our paper, or how to improve your initial idea of
structuring it. If I had more time, I would include more sources of
different views of other authors, as well as include lengthier
emails from customers or doctors.

Masha, I was wondering if you could help me find a better way I

could have structured my paper. I am not sure if I have a perfect
balance of what the prompt is asking for.

,
Vivian Badillo-Velasco
Vivian Badillo-Velasco

Masha 8 AM

Writing 2

09 April 2018

One of the discourse communities I belong to is my work environment. I work as a

pharmacy technician in a pharmacy. My work environment meets the six criteria of Swales. The

first criteria involves agreeing on public set goals. The pharmacy has goals including providing

great service to customers and helping them receive their medications at the lowest cost that we

can find. Other goals that the pharmacy has incudes having our customers receive their

medications without having obstacles such as pay or transportation. For example, sometime

when a customer’s insurance has not come through yet, the customer can pay at the moment and

we allow the reimbursement once the insurance has gone through. Also, if customers have an

issue with coming every so often for their medications, we align the medications to where the

customer can pick them up on the same day.

The second of Swale’s criteria is the mechanism of intercommunication. Within the

members, we have our computers that send messages. There are different work stations for each

of the members working. We constantly are interchanging messages through the phone, our

messages sent, by talking, through the website, written notes and even applications that bring up

our work schedules.

The third criteria is that of having participatory mechanisms allowing us to receive

information and feedback. At my job, we have several mechanisms that help us receive

information and feedback including emails, applications, phone calls, written notes, and

messages on the computer according to the customer’s profile. Emails and applications allow us
to receive feedback about our service to the customers. We are able to see comment,

compliments, any complains, as well as ratings received by them. Between the workers, we are

able to observe more feedback with Action Notes written on customer profiles. For example, if a

customer wants to be the only one to pick up his or her medications, we write notes on their

profile. By the next time another pharmacy technician or pharmacists open their profiles, they’ll

receive feedback on the information we received by the customer.

There are multiple genres when working in a pharmacy. Genres go from ads, coupons,

receipts, letters, faxes, emails, electronic prescriptions, physical prescriptions, books, and

records. The largest of the genres are the ads. The ads are found everywhere around the

pharmacy and the store it works with. The ads contain information such as discounts or the

advertising of receiving the flu shot. One of the most important of the genres within the

pharmacy, are the physical prescription. Controlled medications and narcotics are mostly written

by doctors and are deeply observed by the pharmacists.

Like the fifth criteria, there are lexis within the discourse community of the pharmacy.

We have our own way of describing medications, as well as our own way of describing our work

flow. There are different screens on each of our computers that assign all of our different tasks.

Most of our tasks are abbreviated into initials. If others outside our discourse community would

hear our conversations about what we do at work, they would not understand unless explained

with definitions and detail. Another example would be when customers refer to medication by

their need such as “medication for cholesterol” or “medication for blood pressure.” When

customers ask for refills on medications they cannot pronounce or remember their name, we use

our lexis to help them out and get them what they need.
 The last of the criteria include the dependence on the novice and expert. In the discourse

community of the pharmacy, there is always dependency on the novice and experts. For

example, just last year, three of our best workers were graduating and left their pharmacy tech

jobs right after. Knowing that his workers were going to leave soon, our pharmacy manager

began hiring and began their training to get them prepared. Months before the graduates left,

there was enough time to have other workers learn the job of a pharmacy technician.
Vivian Badillo-Velasco
Masha
Writing 2
11 April 2018

PB2

The primary genre that my discourse community uses is emails. The genre functions in

the way that it serves as feedback for the workers in that community. Rates, reviews,

compliments, comments, all build up the pharmacy and how they can improve to give better

service. This feedback can be from either the customer, doctors, and those who are managing

(pharmacy manager, district managers, supervisors). This same genre can be long or small

depending on the subject matter. If there are messages that are giving instructions, they could be

longer than a short compliment on our page. The writers will either comment to receive better

service, same great service, acknowledge good work, or how to become a better pharmacy as an

entire discourse community.

Usually what is included in these messages, are what was done at the pharmacy, the

concern, and how it can be improved. What is usually left out of the message is personal

information that do not go further than their name. In these types of emails, they are seen as more

professional, not including cuss words, and the proper way of addressing problems.

In order to persuade the reader, the writer of the emails begin giving details for feedback.

If names are being included in these types of messages, there is more attention to it, as someone

is being targeted. These targeting does not necessarily have to be negative, but it does bring more

attention to the writer and their concern or gratitude. Usually there are rhetorical appeals when

there are feedback messages. One of them could be emotional as they as trying to address

struggles and why they were so affected by the customer service. On the positive side, there
could also be emotional appeal, as how it made their day and how happy they were with their

experience. Other writers could be doctors themselves who persuade the reader right frorm the

beginning, by stating an issue through the subject of the email. If there is something more urgent,

the doctor can address it. For example, the doctor on the subject line can send “INACTIVATE

medication electronically sent to FIRST NAME, LAST NAME, DATE OF BIRTH.” Readers

such as the pharmacist or pharmacy technician can immediately get to it, read the doctor’s note,

and do as told. Here, the patient’s information is included because it is needed. Other information

that would be included would be contact information of the doctor for further questions.

Emails in the pharmacy are expected to be received immediately. Notifications are

present in each of the computers in the pharmacy. Those that include information of waiters are

prioritized, then those of doctors who just sent medications electronically, follow after. They are

seen by everyone in the pharmacy including the techs and the pharmacist. Whoever is addressing

the emails is logged in with a specific barcode. Anytime an issue is dealt with, we open the email

requiring the scan of our unique barcode. We then all know who was the one that addressed the

issue and who opened a profile.

When reading the emails, all information regarding medications, concerns, or questions

are important. If a customer has lost their medication, we need information such as how the

medication was lost. All details are reported to insurances and they then decide to refill a

medication. Having emails make our job very easy as we do not have to deal with massive

amounts of paper, we are addressing issues way faster, there is confidentiality between the doctor

and pharmacy, and the customers are receiving better service. The genre of emails s very helpful

in my discourse community of the pharmacy.

Vivian Badillo-Velasco
Writing 2
Masha 8AM
15 April 2018

Working Draft

We are surrounded by all sorts of genres, so much where one has never stopped to realize

it. We simply see words all around us. Genres are significant when an author is trying to figure

out their specific audience, as well as how to deliver their purpose. The discourse community of

the pharmacy meets the six requirements of Swales. My discourse community close to me is the

pharmacy. I work as a Pharmacy Technician and realized that there are many genres within the

pharmacy that assist its workers to run the pharmacy. One of the most important and useful

genres is the emails.

The pharmacy fits in with the six categories described by Swales. The first criteria

involves agreeing on public set goals. The pharmacy has goals including providing great service

to customers and helping them receive their medications at the lowest cost that we can find.

Other goals that the pharmacy has incudes having our customers receive their medications

without having obstacles such as pay or transportation. For example, sometime when a

customer’s insurance has not come through yet, the customer can pay at the moment and we

allow the reimbursement once the insurance has gone through. Also, if customers have an issue

with coming every so often for their medications, we align the medications to where the

customer can pick them up on the same day.

 The second of Swale’s criteria is the mechanism of intercommunication. Within the

members, we have our computers that send messages. There are different work stations for each

of the members working. We constantly are interchanging messages through the phone, our

messages sent, by talking, through the website, written notes and even applications that bring up

our work schedules.

The third criteria is that of having participatory mechanisms allowing us to receive

information and feedback. At my job, we have several mechanisms that help us receive

information and feedback including emails, applications, phone calls, written notes, and

messages on the computer according to the customer’s profile. Emails and applications allow us

to receive feedback about our service to the customers. We are able to see comment,

compliments, any complains, as well as ratings received by them. Between the workers, we are

able to observe more feedback with Action Notes written on customer profiles. For example, if a

customer wants to be the only one to pick up his or her medications, we write notes on their

profile. By the next time another pharmacy technician or pharmacists open their profiles, they’ll

receive feedback on the information we received by the customer.

There are multiple genres when working in a pharmacy. Genres go from ads, coupons,

receipts, letters, faxes, emails, electronic prescriptions, physical prescriptions, books, and

records. The largest of the genres are the ads. The ads are found everywhere around the

pharmacy and the store it works with. The ads contain information such as discounts or the

advertising of receiving the flu shot. One of the most important of the genres within the

pharmacy, are the physical prescription. Controlled medications and narcotics are mostly written

by doctors and are deeply observed by the pharmacists.

 Like the fifth criteria, there are lexis within the discourse community of the pharmacy.

We have our own way of describing medications, as well as our own way of describing our work

flow. There are different screens on each of our computers that assign all of our different tasks.

Most of our tasks are abbreviated into initials. If others outside our discourse community would

hear our conversations about what we do at work, they would not understand unless explained

with definitions and detail. Another example would be when customers refer to medication by

their need such as “medication for cholesterol” or “medication for blood pressure.” When

customers ask for refills on medications they cannot pronounce or remember their name, we use

our lexis to help them out and get them what they need.

The last of the criteria include the dependence on the novice and expert. In the discourse

community of the pharmacy, there is always dependency on the novice and experts. For

example, just last year, three of our best workers were graduating and left their pharmacy tech

jobs right after. Knowing that his workers were going to leave soon, our pharmacy manager

began hiring and began their training to get them prepared. Months before the graduates left,

there was enough time to have other workers learn the job of a pharmacy technician.

The primary genre that my discourse community uses is emails. The genre functions in

the way that it serves as feedback for the workers in that community. Rates, reviews,

compliments, comments, all build up the pharmacy and how they can improve to give better

service. This feedback can be from either the customer, doctors, and those who are managing

(pharmacy manager, district managers, supervisors). This same genre can be long or small

depending on the subject matter. If there are messages that are giving instructions, they could be

longer than a short compliment on our page. The writers will either comment to receive better
service, same great service, acknowledge good work, or how to become a better pharmacy as an

entire discourse community.

There are specific ways to address the emails as well. For example, there are emails from

doctors that give information in sig codes. The doctors are giving directions for their patients.

And they are regarding any mistakes. Some will read “1T PO QID PRN for pain.” This means

that the patient should take one tablet by mouth four times a day as needed for pain. This goes

back to Swales and his requirements to be a discoursed community. In the pharmacy we are

using our lexi, our own type of language. If this was presented to most other discourse

communities, more likely it would not be understood. There are other emails that will be about

feedback. For example, there was an email that read “I wanted to thank Brian for his help. This

pharmacy is the best in the county. I drive here from Carpinteria knowing that I will not be let

down. Several times there are issues with my insurance, and Brian has taken his time to call them

and solve it. Thank you guys.” These types of email are helpful for our discourse communities.

The email was sent to us allowing the entire staff. This lets us know that we are doing a great job

and to keep assisting people with their insurances. The manager is able to see through the

customer’s email how we are doing and working when he is not there watching us. I have

received feedback emails from other customers as well. My manager who does not see me all the

time at work, gave me a raise as he read comments from these customers.

Genres are so important. In my discourse community, emails help speed up our work, be

accurate, protect the privacy of customers (emails only available to the pharmacy), receive

feedback, and receive notifications of the hundreds of patient’s medications. Next time, you

should stop and realize what genre your discourse community uses the most and not take them

granted for.
Vivian Badillo-Velasco
Writing 2
Masha 8AM
18 April 2018
Working Prompt 1 Final Draft
We are surrounded by all sorts of genres. There is such an abundance that Mmost of the
time we do not realize it and take them for granted. We simply see words all around us and not
the specific genre these words are categorized in. Yet, gGenres are significant when an author is
tryingtries to figure out their his/her specific audience, as well as how to deliver their his/her
purpose. My discourse community close to me is the pharmacy, where I work as a Pharmacy
Technician. The discourse community of the pharmacy meets the six requirements of Swales.
His six criteria cover what defines and makes up a discourse community. I realized that there are
many genres within the pharmacy that assist its workers to run it. One of the most important and
useful genres is the email. Why is it important?
The pharmacy fits in with the six categories described by Swales. The first criteria
involves agreeing on public set goals. The pharmacy has goals including providing great service
to customers and helping them receive their medications at the lowest cost that we can find.
Other goals that the pharmacy has incudesFurther, pharmacist ensure that having ourtheir
customers receive their medications without having obstacles, such as pay or transportation. For
example, sometimes when a customer’s insurance has not come through yet, the customer can
pay at the moment and we allow the reimbursement once the insurance has gone through.
Commented [MOU1]: Vivian, this is a good working title
but you will need another one (more creative one) if you
decide to revise this project for your final portfolio.
Commented [MOU2]: This part is not really necessary to
make your point.
Commented [MOU3]: Use either Present Simple or Past
Simple.
Commented [MOU4]: Transition. You need a transition
here because you haven’t introduced the concept of a
discourse community yet.
Commented [MOU5]: Your reader might not know who
Swales is and what six criteria you’re talking about. Move
the sentence about criteria to the part where you introduce
what a DC is. Maybe, I will delete it because in the first
paragraph of the main body you talk about six criteria.
Commented [MOU6]: This part is good but can be revised
a bit to make it flow better. For instance, you can use such
constructions as “while there are many genres…, I will focus
on … because…”
Commented [MOU7]: When you introduce someone for
the first time, use his/her first and last names. After that,
you should use only his/her last name.
AlsoFinally, if customers have an issue with coming every so often for their medications, we
align the medications to where the customer can pick them up on the same day.
Second, in his article, Swales states that discourse community possess specific
mechanisms of intercommunication. In the case of my pharmacy, the major instrument of
communication among workers is through computers thatThe second of Swale’s criteria is the
mechanism of intercommunication. Within our members, we have computers that send and
receive messages. Each member There are different work stations for each of the members
workinghas a work station and uses it to . We constantly are interexchangeing information with
the use of electronic devices such as phones, computers, and apps. For instance, wWe use them
these mechanisms to send messages, talk, read the website, exchange memos, and receive
notifications of our work schedules.
The third criteria is that of having participatory mechanisms allowing us to receive
information and feedback. At my job, we have several mechanisms that help us receive
information and feedback including emails, applications, phone calls, written notes, and
messages on the computer according to the customer’s profile. Emails and applications allow us
to receive feedback about our service to the customers. We are able to see comments,
compliments, any complaints, as well as ratings received by them. Between the workers, we are
able to observe more feedback with Action Notes written on customer profiles. For example, if a
customer wants to be the only one to pick up his or her medications, we write notes on their
profile. By the next time another pharmacy technician or pharmacists open their profiles, they’ll
receive feedback on the information we received by the customer.
There are multiple genres when working in a pharmacy. Genres go from ads, coupons,
receipts, letters, faxes, emails, electronic prescriptions, physical prescriptions, books, and
Commented [MOU8]: Citations
Commented [MOU9]: See what I did here with “transition”
words, like “further” and “finally?” Instead of using “also”
and “other” which are fine, of course, I used further and
finally to show the list of goals. Also, you can use “first,”
second, in addition, moreover… These words sound more
“academic” 
Commented [MOU10]: Citation
Commented [MOU11]: Here is the issue that this
paragraph reveals. When you write, you tend to use a lot of
passive constructions, such as “there is,” “it is,” criteria is”
etc. The way we can improve this is by placing real actors at
the center of your narrative. In your case they are workers
and the pharmacy itself. Try to avoid (where it is possible)
using “to be.” It will make your narrative more lively.
I will not do edits like this one throughout the paper. Sorry
for this one. I just wanted to show you how by using actors
as subjects you can improve your writing.
Commented [MOU12]: Watch out for overusing one word.
Substitute it with a synonym.
Formatted: Highlight
Commented [MOU13]: What is it? Briefly explain.
Commented [MOU14]: There is no transition between the
paragraphs.
records. The largest of the genres are the adsadvertisements. Customers can find The ads are

found everywhere around the pharmacy and the store it works with. The ads They contain

information, such as discounts or the advertising of receiving the flu shot. Although, ads are Commented [MOU15]: This part needs revision. I know
what you mean but it can be improved by restructuring the
sentence.
found in abundance everywhere, one of the most important of the genres within the pharmacy,

are the emails. Commented [MOU16]: This is a good sentence.

Like the fifth criteria, there are lexis within the discourse community of the pharmacy.

We have our own way of describing medications, as well as our own way of describing our work

flow. There are different screens on each of our computers that assign all of our different tasks.

Most of our tasks are abbreviated into initials. If others outside our discourse community would

hear our conversations about what we do at work, they would not understand unless explained

with definitions and detail. Another example would be when customers refer to medication by

their need such as “medication for cholesterol” or “medication for blood pressure.” When

customers ask for refills on medications they cannot pronounce or remember their name, we use

our lexis to help them out and get them what they need.

The last of the criteria include the dependence on the novice and expert. “However,

survival of the community depends on a reasonable ratio between novices and experts” (Swales,

27). In the discourse community of the pharmacy, there is always dependency on beginners and

those with experience and teach. For example, just last year, three of our best workers were

graduating and left their pharmacy tech jobs right after. Knowing that his workers were going to

leave soon, our pharmacy manager began hiring and began their training to get them prepared.

Months before the graduates left, there was enough time to have other workers learn the job of a

pharmacy technician.
 The primary genre that my discourse community uses is emails. The genre functions in Commented [MOU17]: Transition

the way that it serves as feedback for the workers in that community. Rates, reviews,

compliments, comments, all build up the pharmacy and how they can improve to give better

service. This feedback can be from either the customer, doctors, and those who are managing

(pharmacy manager, district managers, supervisors). This same genre can be long or small

depending on the subject matter. If there are messages that are giving instructions, they could be

longer than a short compliment on our page. The writers will either comment to receive better

service, same great service, acknowledge good work, or how to become a better pharmacy as an

entire discourse community.

There are specific ways to address the emails as well. For example, there are emails from

doctors that give information in sig codes. The doctors are giving directions for their patients.

And they are regarding any mistakes. Some will read “1T PO QID PRN for pain.” (Kunz) This

means that the patient should take one tablet by mouth four times a day as needed for pain. This

goes back to Swales and his requirements to be a discoursed community. In the pharmacy we are

using our lexis, our own type of language. If this was presented to most other discourse

communities, more likely it would not be understood. There are other emails that will be about

feedback. For example, there was an email that read “I wanted to thank Brian for his help. This

pharmacy is the best in the county. I drive here from Carpinteria knowing that I will not be let

down. Several times there are issues with my insurance, and Brian has taken his time to call them

and solve it. Thank you guys.” (Cunningham) These types of email are helpful for our discourse

community. The email was sent to us allowing the entire staff to see. This lets us know that we

are doing a great job and to keep assisting people with their insurances. The manager is able to

see through the customer’s email how we are doing and working when he is not there watching
us. I have received feedback emails from other customers as well. “Vivian helped my mother

who did not know English. I sent my mother with a note since I was going to work that morning.

My mother let me know how your technician was helpful. She went out of her way to walk her to

OTC medications directed by the doctor, as well as making her trips for all her medications

easier. Thank you so much.” (Jimenez) My manager who does not see me all the time at work,

gave me a raise as he read comments from customers like Concepcion and others.
Genres are so important. In my discourse community, emails help speed up our work, be
accurate, protect the privacy of customers (emails only available to the pharmacy), receive
Commented [MOU18]: You have too many ideas in one
paragraph. Try to break it up into several smaller ones.
Commented [MOU19]: It sounds too general and needs
more development (your personal reflection why it is so
important. Try to freewrite it first and then use the second
order of thinking to revise it).

feedback, and receive notifications of the hundreds of patient’s medications. Next time, you

should stop and realize what genre your discourse community uses the most and not take them

granted for.

7.5/10 (B/B-)

Vivian,

I think that you’re doing a good job explaining Swales’ criteria and the specificity of your

discourse community by providing examples to support your points. Here are some suggestions:

1. Structure. I feel like you don’t have to stick to Swales’ six criteria and to organize the

first part of the paper around his ideas. It might be better if you mention him somewhere

in the beginning and then just tell your reader about the discourse community keeping his

ideas in mind. BUT!! It doesn’t mean that you don’t cite his article. When you

paraphrase, you have to cite. This is a big issue in your draft right now. You don’t have

in-text citations of Swales’ articles. In addition, you need to cite emails that you use.
2. Passive constructions. Your narrative and your ideas are very clear but when you overuse

passive constructions (see comments), they slow down the flow of your narrative.

3. Transitions. Check out transitions between paragraphs. You’re doing a good job

transitioning between sentences within paragraphs but when it comes to transition

between paragraphs themselves, you forget to do it sometimes.

4. If you decide to revise this project for your final portfolio, you will need to explain in the

introduction why emails are important for your discourse community.

 Sources
Cunningham, James “Re: Thank You!” Message to CVS Pharmacy 09392. 23 March 2018. E-
mail.
Jimenez, Concepcion. “Re: Special thanks to Vivian.” Message to CVS Pharmacy 09392. 3 April
2018. E-mail.
Kunz, John David. “Re: New Directions for Patient Rx #?????.” Message to CVS Pharmacy
09392. 25 March 2018. E-mail.
Swales, John. “The Concept of Discourse Community” Genre Analysis: English in Academic
and Research Settings. Boston: Cambridge UP, 1990.21-32.