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Chapter 4 The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship The developmentally needed or reparative relationship is an intentional provision by the psychotherapist of a corrective, reparative or replenishing relationship or action where the original parenting was deficient, abusive or overprotective. ‘A patient came in in a very aggressive mood and said: ‘I must smash something! What about your sham Ming pot?’ [had no time to think; I said: Hl just about kill you if you smash my pot!” She was shocked, and we were both silent for some vyrnutes, Then | said: ‘I think you thought I really might kill you.’ I then reminded her of aa earlier happening when she had heard my volatile daily help having a vow with the laundry man, After listening to them, she had asked “What are y&t thinking? Pve often seen you look like that, and 1 didn’t know what it meant.’ I said Twas just thinking that I would like to bang their two heads together and throw them down the stairs. We both laughed, and the tension eased. Then Ishowed her it was possible to have such thoughts and feelings, but not to act on them. This Guus a new idea to her; she was a very impulsive person. Finally, 1 showed her the sham Ming pot, which (although not real Ming) was antique, and beautiful, and had a value for me. This led to her understanding that I would protect what 1 valued, and that even if, at times, I had felt I could kill her, nevertheless Thad not “one so; that I valued her, and would protect her from my own aggression. She Teamt a great deal about reality and the difference between psychic and factual reality in that session. (Little 1986; 286) Introduction In Chapter 3 we examined transference and countertransference, together with the implications of working with them in the various approaches to psychotherapy. This chapter puts into context the interest in this kind of therapeutic relationship, compares definitions and descriptions, and considers how the clinician can identify and think diagnostically about the ‘corrective therapeutic experience’, or its variants, and its clinical uses. An overview of the influence of the expectations of both psychotherapist and 113, 41 aBINPULIAAO JO IDa[as ‘IeDy ‘PIOAT sgouonnovad Yoras ur she AUeU OY) pur Aynoysp su Joy odsas YA payproaddy ag pynoys yorys d1dod v St SHULL, “sisAqeuvoypsd 30 Adesoypoyodsd ut sursesuo vu sur Aue Joy SuIpunoss pros & $f I! 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FIL 116 The Therapeutic Relationship _ - much as they struggle with the fact that so: s the ‘ me form of reparation is probably inevitable in all effective psychotherapies or psychoanalveed Avoiding something does not necessarily make it go away; nor does calling i by a different name. ; . The view of the person The major division between those who unapologetically but carefull provide a developmental or reparative relationship and those who state that they do not provide such a relationship in analysis or therapy may be due to the more fundamental division about what is seen as the basic nature of human beings and the processes of change. Where the emphasis is on © analysis alone, it is usually accompanied by written Perspectives on human beings in terms of the drive or instinct version, which focuses on sex and - death (Freud 1920; Klein 1984). Those that embrace the possibilities of developmental or reparative relationship are more usually associated with concepts to do with healing, actualising, growth and evolutionary tendencies ogers 1951; Erickson 1967; Kohut 1984), ' The viewpoints that cluster around seeing the human being as having a | directional tendency to grow and develop can be contrasted with traditional orthodox psychoanalysis. Kohut, like Fairbairn, maintains: ‘We are born as an assertive whole, as an affectionate whole, not as a bundle of isolated biolog- > ical drives ~ pure aggression or pure sexual lust - that have to be graduall tamed (in Graf 1984: 74). We saw in Chapter 3 how transference interpret: tions have been supplemented by empathic operations in the psychoanalytic = canon. Empathy as a method flourished in existentially oriented approaches from the beginning of the twentieth century (Jaspers 1963; Moreno 1965; Minkowski 1970). Empathy is often thus used as a Paired intervention with interpretation, as a basic facilitative condition in the healing encounter, or as countertransferential data from which to enter into, understand and be | discriminating in responding to regressive phenomena. Definitions and descriptions we have seen, there is frequently a strong, and occasionally denied, repar- ative or developmentally needed aspect embedded in or attendant on other therapeutic relationships. We remember that Freud criticised his patients, gossiped, gave them advice, lent them money and involved himself in their lives in ways that are at odds with the conventional Prescription to remain as a mirror, blank screen or surgeon. I think it is impossible to explore this aspect of the therapeutic relationship without dealing with the concept 3E saga ~ another battleground or bridge for perspectives on uaa ure, ‘The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship 117 Regression Regression in psychotherapy embraces an enormous body of psychological literature. Here we will discuss some of the outstanding contributions, starting with Freud's useful definition: Three kinds of regression are thus to be distinguished; a. topographical regres- sion, in the sense of the schematic picture [of the physical apparatus}; b. temporal regression, in so far as what is in question is a harking back to older psychical structures; and c. formal regression, where primitive methods of expression and representation take the place of the usual ones. All these three kinds of regression are, however, one at bottom and occur together as a rule; for what is older in time is more primitive in form and in psychical topography lies nearer to the perceptual end. (1900: 554) Almost all psychotherapists, psychoanalysts, counsellors and psychologists, as well as others in the helping professions, have come to know the occur- rences and challenges of regression in those who come or are sent to them for help, if not also in themselves. Loosely understood, regression is a ubiqui- tous phenomenon, capable of great creative as well as great pathological potential. In Kohut’s words: ‘the incapacity of the ego to maintain its ties to reality... may, given certain circumstances, become an asset to the person- ality, and its absence may be a defect’ (in Elson 1987: 16). Many of the psychological or psychotherapeutic theories built on a developmental matrix would consider that such regression is essential to effective psychotherapy, to the retrieval and renewal of the trauma and injuries caused in the course of an individual’s history. ‘One has to include in one’s theory of the development of the human being the idea that it is normal and healthy for the individual to be able to defend the self against specific environmental failure by a freezing of the failure situation. Along with this goes an unconscious assumption (which can become a conscious hope) that opportunity will occur at a later date for a renewed experience in which the failure situation will be able to be unfrozen and re-experienced, with the individual in a regressed state, in an environment that is making adequate adapta- tion. The theory is here being put forward of regression as part of a healing process, in fact, a normal phenomenon that can properly be studied in the healthy person. (Winnicott 1975b: 281) Running the risk of omitting many qualifications, exceptions and disputa- tional points, as summaries often do, it can be said that in the psychological literature regression is primarily divided between malign and benign types. ‘These are Balint’s terms (1989, p. 141), which I have found eminently suitable. 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SuTYIoWOs aA1Z ‘paou snowJoUa UL Surzu 80991 ‘ued dU0 ou) 01 aN Wo sqdew Ua], ‘vonents ondqeuvoysisd drysuonejay snmadesayy, au, zi 124 ‘The Therapeutic Relationship ‘The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship 125 Diagnosis and identification Identification A vital part of responding appropriately to developmentally or reparatively. needed therapeutic requirements of patients is the nurturing and development. of the capacity correctly to identify the nature of the injury or the kind of devel- opmental deficit. This will depend very largely on the clinician’s familiarity with many different models of child development, different cultural practices in child-rearing and an awareness of the socio-ideological, the constructed ~ notions of ‘the child’ and the imposition (or not) of linear developmental expectations on the natural unfolding of the human being. Eurocentric, patriar- chal, white, able-bodied models of child development are not the only ones even though they may have clinical, theoretical and economic hegemony, Some studies (Brandistidter 1990; Carugati 1990; Gergen, Gloger-Tippelt and Berkowitz 1990) have shown parental expectations for children to conform to. such theoretical (and therefore ideological) patterning as they grow and develop. In particular, it is important to take note of research in terms of invul_ nerability, competency and mastery - work in which the deterministic ideas that childhood significantly or profoundly influences adult pathology, limit tion or creativity are challenged (Chess and Thomas 1986, 1987). Probably the most important aspect of working with this relationship vector is to differentiate between other kinds of relationship (working allianc person-to-person, transference/countertransference and transpersonal) and be as certain as possible that a reparative act, attitude, behaviour or relationshi is both needed and likely to be effective at that time. It is Particularly important to be aware, through one’s own therapy and supervision, that needs for deper dency or independence hassles are not being met through clients. In the sam way, fear of, or desire for, intimacy may predispose a psychoanalyst cither to transference/countertransference mode of working or to a person-to-persor therapeutic relationship, which would have more to do with the individual history proclivities of the clinician than with the needs of the client. ‘Many severely ill patients have other needs [than interpretation] which have to bi met; if they are not met, analysis becomes impossible’ (Little 1986: 53). Havin established that it is a new kind of relationship that is required - and not the bringing to awareness of an archaic relationship ~ the task is to identify the nature, intensity, duration and variety of reparative or developmentally needed. relationship which is required by the client. : The developmentally needed relationship Commonly encountered psychotherapeutic situations involve the patient who presents with a difficulty or symptom that seems to relate in an obvious way to a particular developmental period, rather than to a traumatic child- hood event. No matter what comes up for consideration in a session, it always seems to relate to that period. That stuck place, the fixation point, is often a time when the developmental needs of the patient were not met, or not met sufficiently. The synonymous term, developmental ‘arrest’, need not, as Sullivan (1954: 217) notes, ‘imply that things have become static, and that from thenceforth the person will be just the same as he was at the time that development was arrested’. Rather, it is later that we see ‘the appearance of eccentricities of interpersonal relations’ which betray ‘signs of develop- mental experience which has been missed or sadly distorted’ (ibid.: 218). ‘The fixation point can also be seen from a multi-levelled perspective. The person looking back, reinterpreting his or her history, might even identify the embryonic beginnings of such an ‘arrest’ before its definitive experience (Shapiro 1988: 57). As I have pointed out, the clinician’s knowledge of developmental stages, critical periods, parenting, social needs of children and adolescents, bonding and attachment, de-integration and individuation will be brought to bear in terms of what the client calls forth in their interaction with the clinician. The rapid blinking of an infant when a door bangs is different from the feel and the look of a two-year-old testing the limits of tolerance around missing sessions and coming late. It is different again from a five-year-old’s fantasies about therapists’ sexuality or love life and is again different from an eleven- year-old exploring the nature of satisfactions to be had from achievements; and again different from the hostile, denigrating attacks on a parent which often seem part of the natural, familial break which is the separation of adolescence. How we respond to these forms the touchstone of the psychotherapy. A two-year-old’s rage for independence, control and separa- tion needs a very different response from that of an adolescent. Clinicians experienced in identifying the different facets of their own developmental history and that of others, and drawing on intuition and acute awareness, will attune themselves to the therapeutic needs evoked by the infants or children in the adult who comes to us for ‘a second chance’. The Jungian Schwartz-Salant writes that, for certain people: It is essential not to interpret this dynamic, at least at the outset and often not for some time after its appearance. Rather one must become the parent which means to relate as a parent to this child-quality of the patient. Being the parent does not mean giving advice. It represents a feeling state that is unconsciously communi- cated to the patient. It shows that the analyst is willing to get close in a kinship sense, to see and understand within that emotional framework. One incarnates the identity of the positive nurturing mother or father that the patient had so little of. (1982: 160-1), pur ‘uULUTYDIDY-WWOIy pur ULATTINS ULE ‘ZOUdIIY IYI Wop|pov OU 9q Avur yf pure Adexomoypdsd pur Suyjasunos Jo sed snonuayuon ¥ udaq shee sey 11 ‘Aqeovoasty ‘o[qisuayasdas st ywysa pure po}sodxa aq UKO IVY ‘JEON. 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[eID0s ‘ssauTH YSnomM} ,439190s Jo sseposapun, Pal[ed-os ay; oyuT SuMKy Jo ssvos Sunsyy ay? ‘UoMeIpes pur uoNNyod Jo spayjo WaA1-Buo] ay “YN 3 PIYD v sasoy OYA ULWOA ¥ JaisesIp SuTUTU ¥ soaTAINS OY PID & Jayour 0} dues sa8nyaz ovo wos 1YSHJ UI pur AIuNY sivak aan “euLJOS sty Suypuads ppryo nany & ATH Wosy BurIWNs st OYA JayOUE paroippe “UIOJDY ¥ O} UIOG PITY & :ATeuONeU Jo soNaUd Jo sUapIoo” YSnosyy synpe JO USIPIFYO UO parista asvuIEp dU} Jo 1WaWAspspMouyoe AressaD9u JY} SI STL soqdoaspyoo pup suoyvyuy poyruvfesaxg Gn) “asnqox Ajeuonows pur Ajoaneurseun ‘Atyjeay dn Surmoss ur sanNoyypP snpun o7 paroalqns aq ued pyryp ¥ yoy ut shea JayIO ayI Te pue UoNONpos ‘Uo1D1909 ‘aanssaid 993]82u ‘uonvaridap ‘uonsafar ‘ured Jo aauatiadxa yeoruys-qns ‘opeumnes Apiresso3au JOU ‘U19}-3U0] dup st (L861 JaTYOD pur Auoypuy) ureng Uuqodys (3) “URIDIUTD B JO asfJadxa ay Jo souTAOId : Ajuo ay) pur sayieur ayi Jo weay aya st uaned aya jo Ayyear aanoalqns ou wy: Avs pynom | ‘azay sasodind smo soy “ng Advsayjoypdsd ur Aqyear JO S[aaz] ssnosip | GZOOT “EZOOT VOSysEID) asoymasTY ‘IqQuieqap st CITT. pur uneqiey Joy) eas JO ‘AsOayI UOTONpas s,pnaqy ul se ‘AreurSeur AfaInd 9q 01 parspisuoo st viune) oy] Joya ‘aInavsouy Adeso~poysisd se yom _ $v opATeuvoypAsd pure ASojoyssd Bumasunos ur paysyquiss TIO st eume Jo ynsas v st audoaaop pamedurt so ssoxsip jeo1ojoysésd yey vapt ayy buinv4y (1) : ‘soydonseyeo pur suoneyuny perpurry-exo (im) pur urens (1) ‘eumen (1) _ souv saoSaieo Jofeur samp at], “Waped ayy Aq paouaiedxa UONIOIsIp JO uon vatidap ‘uonvunojap au} 03 pa] sey yoryas WoYap Jo Amnfur ay jo uonemp pue Aqsoaas ‘ormaeu ayy Aauapr 02 a]qe st UEIOTET|D ayp Jey IUAIXD ay} 01 paouLyUa 2q urs drysuonyjar aanesedas ayy Jo uorstaosd Aqaum pur aanoayja ‘aqeins2y drysuoneyes sanvsedas ay, | dyysuonrpy snnadeoyy ay. 9zT 128 ‘The Therapeutic Relationship even Federn, ended up on the margins of psychoanalysis, rather than in its mainstream. Psychotherapist expectations The expectations of the therapist can rule out, permit or encourage regres- sion and developmentally needed or reparative experiences. As Miller points out, Klein’s view of the child as wicked ‘affects the analyst’s attitude toward the patient . .. Whenever her patients have an exaggerated fear of the envy of : those around them, she sees this as a projection of their own feelings of envy onto others’ (1985: 60). ; The way the clinician approaches a regressive phenomenon or the possi- bility of reparative potential will be determined by their skills, talents and prejudices, their experience of giving and receiving parenting and healing, their supervision and the content and process of their training around and towards these issues. It is impossible to keep the different relationships — Separate - sometimes they blur into one another or move rapidly from one : dimension into another. Also, the client may experience them in a quite _ different way from how the therapist intended. It is the therapist's responsi- : bility to get feedback for every client at every stage of therapy, in the knowl edge that what may be suitable and well received at one stage may be a reinforcing negative experience at another. Family and/or institution The influence of the family or the institution can be decisive in the outcome of regressive or reparative experiences, and how the family responds to a child’s life experience may be more decisive than the events themselves. McGrath writes about an incident of modifying both expectations and response with his father, a medical superintendent of Broadmoor: ‘My father has known all the interesting English murderers since the war. The most disturbed men were housed in Block Six. Even now the words ‘Block Six’ sound sinister to me, perhaps because I never entered the building and remember, rather, the way the small boys on the Broadmoor estate always talked of it, Once at dusk, when I was crossing a yard inside the hospital with my father, a terrible scream suddenly came from one of the high windows of Block Six, a scream charged with the utmost misery. Startled, Ilooked up at my father. ‘Poor John,’ he murmured, and by his tone I understood that be understood why poor John en the fact that he understood it robbed the scream of its terror for me. Some families can allow an eleven-year-old to make temporary regressive . events for himself, for example, if he starts wanting a bottle when a sibling is ‘The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship 129 born. Institutions such as Kingsley Hall or the Cathexis Community in Birmingham have rules and structures that support, control, encourage or limit regressions. The very construction of a room and availability of materials such as bottles, toys, paint, and so on can make it explicit to both patient and therapist what the expectations are in terms of regression and its potential for humiliation, rejection, analytic interpretation, meeting, replen- ishment or reparation. Establishment of the developmentally needed/reparative relationship In many cases it is not necessary to establish a developmentally needed or reparative relationship. Patients frequently, repetitively and profoundly regress to previous developmental stages or other traumatic events (such as flashbacks after rape or car accidents). It is my experience that even if a clinician wanted to avoid working with individuals in regression, it would be an extraordinary achievement because most human beings come for help as a result of their failure to avoid regressing out of the here and now. Even when building a scale relating to the fear of going into a room where a mother committed suicide (Evans, Sills and Clarkson 1993), the cognitive or systemic therapist is dealing with regressive phenomena. And who is to say that slow encouragement of increasing the graded steps of anxiety with the supportive and confronting presence of the psychologist is not reparative or exactly what was needed developmentally when that phobia was a small anxiety based on a simple misunderstanding of the apportionment of blame or responsibility in a family divorce? So, whether or not the psychotherapist wishes to work with individuals in regression or in this particular form of relationship, the everyday contingencies of practice will probably require it. Therefore all psychotherapists need to have theoretical understanding, personal experience and supervised skills training in the identification, transformative or emergency management of regressive states. There are many approaches to psychotherapy which welcome or invoke such states in order to accomplish the goals of the clients. Regression ‘As we have seen, regressive phenomena occur in many situations and frequently in psychotherapy. Regression, whether initiated by the psychoana- lyst or by the client, can occur spontaneously; it can be facilitated or induced by the practitioner, it may be recognised as the state of the individual's presentation in the session or it can be specifically contracted for. sy ywoyaousy pur SuyUONoUNY JUaIIND JOY qsoddns 01 asn pynod ays Yyoryas ueUIOM ¥ Joy sisouddY JopuN payaso sem AJOISTY POOYPTYS MU ¥ BIIYAM ‘ue Arensqay dup st Ww Joy sTy) saves]! Aqreorydes8 sour yey ajdwexo ay, -suoidusds puv sured uvumy jo ours v Joy somo, yusurWJad pur onvUVIp DAaTyoe 01 WHY paTqeua ‘syuNODoe ysour Aq “Yor $93vIs DAISSAIZAI JO. uononput Apaads pur snoauriuods oy 3v Jose ased & SeAA UOSyOG UO! 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The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship 133 ‘What happens, however, when the patient has been severely deprived in some basic life experiences? Can the therapist supply them vicariously in some way? Sensitive therapists have long recognized their role as surrogate parents who do, in fact, help their patients experience life patterns and relationships that have been missed . . .We will present some of the senior author's approaches to supplying a patient with a personal relationship in a manner that anchors her within a more secure inner reality around which she can create a new identity for herself. This is the case of a young woman who so lacked the experience of being mothered that she gravely doubted her own ability to be one. Through a series of age regressions the senior author visited her in the guise of the February Man: A kindly granduncle type who became a secure friend and confidant. A series of such experiences enabled her to develop a new sense of confidence and identity about herself that led her eventually to a rewarding experience of motherhood with her own children. (Erickson and Rossi 1979: 525) (or a valuable discussion, see Rossi 1979.) Recognised regression One category concerns the facility to recognise when patients become regressed before or during a session. This is not always easy since many people can be said to live their lives in extended periods of age regression In the film Remarks on Empathy, Kohut discussed his work with a woman who was seriously suicidal: In one session she was so badly off that I thought, ‘How would you feel if I let you hold my fingers for a little while?" I am not recommending it, but I was desperate, so Igave her two fingers to hold. | immediately made a genetic interpretation to myself. It was of the toothless gums of a very young child, clamping down on an empty nipple . . . I reacted to it even then as an analyst to myself... I wouldn't say that it turned the tide, but it overcame a very difficult impasse at a dangerous moment. (The analysis went on for years and was reasonably successful.] (Kohut 1981) In this interaction Kohut experienced desperation, caring and compassion. He found a beautifully symbolic gesture that enabled him to express something of what he was feeling. Yet, in his statement, he was apologetic about this act, about giving her his fingers to hold. Even more astonishing - and sad - is his interpretation to himself that he was giving her a dry nipple. He seemed unaware that by having given something of himself - his own deep and persistent feelings - he gave her the nourishing human caring and compassion which she so desperately needed. Having been open with his feelings with her was most therapeutic. Yet, he appeared to be unaware that this act was the most healing thing he could have done. (Rogers 1987: 183) Contracted regression This is a form of age regression where clients overtly (as in transactional analysis) or covertly (as in Kleinian analysis) consciously and in awareness undertake to allow themselves to regress or ‘go back to their traumatic events’ in order to cathect and/or cathart the emotions or behaviours associ- ated with the trauma (Daldrup et al. 1988) or make decisions again which were originally made in moments of extreme stress, pain or rage (Goulding and Goulding 1979). P: You know, I really can. It's very clear. I remember being 10 years old and I was crouching under the dining room table. T: Why were you there? a P: My father was angry again and he was tearing up the living room. He was smashing things and looking wild. Be in that scene for a moment. Be under the table. Allow yourself to know what you are feeling and what you are saying to yourself in your head. Say it to your father. , Tam tertified and I'm saying that I'll never allow myself to get that way. I'll never be like you. Now say that directly to your father. : Tl never allow myself to rant and rave. I'll never be like you! It sounds as if you believe that to get angry is to get crazy. Yeah. [pause] If get angry I'm convinced I'll go crazy. I'll be like my father! ‘Are you willing to experiment by letting out a small piece of anger and seeing what happens? That's scary! ‘ Tknow. You might start by dealing with something about which you have only moderate anger. (Daldrup et al. 1988: 75) a Pav eta: x8 The most beneficial form of working with regression is when the person intentionally and specifically contracts with the therapist to regress for 7 particular period of time, to monitor their own responsibility and experi- ence, and be willing to cathect into a here-and-now adult state on an agreed signal or at an agreed time. This puts the person in charge of the process and usually helps them to manage themselves, not only in the psychotherapy but also in their life outside. ; | z Many approaches to therapy use contracted regression, either in the overall sense, where the person has an overall understanding that regressive experiences will be welcome, confronted or used; or, specifically, ‘In this session I want to regress to the time when I was sexually abused, re-experi- ence that pain, let it out of my body and redecide to live’. Among many approaches I am choosing this piece from Primal Integration: ‘The relationship is a contractual one, between adults. Each party is responsible for their own actions, experiences and feelings. The boundaries set by the simple agreements we have about commitment, financial arrangements and time-keeping serve as reminders of the ‘here and now’ nature of this relationship. 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PUE 9UI IY PIom sayI0W Aw jvoNsonb prdms vaya, ‘41dax | .2k0U Op JoNOUE Inos plow Iya, ‘skvs astdvsoyoyodsd JUL “nod peas ArBuv Ara “4394 [995 1, ‘Aes -asmusod uado ‘aandaoas v ut ‘aus Jo TOI “Ur paved e inoge ‘paBBap-ssos9 1s 02 ATAAOJS J9A0 S9UIOD PUL WOOI dU) JO apIS Jey HY uo as] suoauTOs ym LoNEIOIUT UE sdors Uay} isidesoyroyodsd ay “Jo1sNUF UeD | 23Se2 aun [Te yim 394 Ww BULK ,jnod are |, asideramoyoAsd ay we UsLDIIS | “9I09q sown Auew pjor us9q pey YoTyas ‘Azosrur pur As98prup Jo ayes stp YA onuTUOD you pinoys J reyp saresortas isidvromoysasd aus, poveddey wey Sayjor yuo ux |, asaiord | ‘sryp Surddors Aq sousaroyur astdesayoyssd ayy ’s24> Su uy sre pia souswiwod | ‘urese L103s Suu fJa1 01 ArUNEddo ayp aavy 01 pasvard “woaLmMO$ seas | uous pashyesed 108 | Aoy anoge syse Joquiau 3UO dnoxd AderopsoypAsd v UL :90Uatadxa sty saquiosap at] MOY ST SIU], + SJoJINS OYAL [ENPIAIPUT UL, sv LHTY 99S 01 way) SuNtAuT nog vossad Ayyeay ¥ se ajdoad 03 arvjas 02 wary Joy yNOyIP seas I] ‘paisisiad susoiyed pyo ay Jo autos ‘Adesays ut sured yeas opew pry 3U Yenowy ‘ownbapeul Jo payyovdvour uajadwoouy Bulag Aq uonTUB0I03 sty JO SOW 398 03 pasn ay ‘pasts Suro9y pur siselspuoyoodéy 0} Aouapus? ¥ puv SuIsnewos Jo AloIsIY & pry qoned ayy ‘Adesayioypdsd s,1uaned tp Jo pud Asojo¥JsHWe¥s ay} spreA.0i $IND90 IT “panyea pure paatooas yrs v Joy uoneardde njzva} puv Surpuvissapun ynpe o1uy SuTATOSsIp USN] possasBor au 01 drysuonryjar Surystusydas ev Butpracsd jo yaWou ev pue uoNrIDadxo Tenuasajsuesy oy) usamioq isidesayi ays Aq uARup IseIIUOD ¥ ‘UOTSSaIZaI qs youUaq ¥ ‘QouaJap ONsHaIvIeYD & saeNsnTT a}durexs SuULMOTOJ ay, “PpUNOS st} D¥UOD Jo soURTTE Sunom oy} IyP amMsua puL assy JOIDAA aoUDIOFsUEN oy IOP 01 [ENUASSO SE] ‘POOYPTY Ul poyurWo Jo panzwo useq pry IYM Jo uorstsosd Jeuon “UOIUF DU} JOJ B]QuTFeAL Jo aIQeIMs Jou st aouEIsqns Aue Jo oUaTIZJsULIIIDIUNOD 2anovas Jo aanovold ur st oym ysidvsay ¥ 30 diysuonyjas aouasaysuen ay) ‘UF S} OYas JUOTD V ‘VOHEOYHess Jo uoNIqrgosd Jo wopsim ay ‘noqe uonnes SWINXS IOU JF ‘UE sUOssay IDa[qo Affensn ase sodudTIDdxo Yons Jo saquinu Y¥ ‘Suryoaur-Aaua Jo Bursemep ‘Aso ndassod sv paouaiiadxo sem Ut ey) F2AOdSIP 03 AyUO ‘paau JUaBM s,jUITD & OF Aysuryurpun puodsar sysidesoyy sewneulog Advsayoypisd ayy Jo aw0aIno ay 01 2alsIOap aq Ued pur yetons> st diysuonejas papaou Ayequsurdojaaap so aanvsedas ¥ Jo uorstaoid ayy Pur orueudp aouasaysuemsaUNOD/2ouarIIsuEN ay UdIAI9q diysUON|as YL, dyqsuonejas Pepeeu Ayeyuausdojaaap pur aduasayjsuey woamjaq drysuonyjas ay, OL ‘9861 aMED “a1qQEPeAK ase saoINOsaE J9AIIEYA, ast 03 ssoudurfias & pur ‘Carpi 10u st yoTyA) yBuaNs pur ‘“Amqeyas “Gsauyeam JOU SF YSIYA) AUNtgEXay Jog st poou qwasB ayy, “asdqeue aya Aq “ora ‘osinduir Uo Sunde ‘BuRa9] Jo uorssordxo ‘suonsanb Sursamsue Jo st a1 se voOReIosdsoqU! SouDs2ISUEII JO ITUI SE SF SILL], “ssajosn puL snosaBuEp 9q ose ULD a1GENTeA IsOUE SF ey eu ‘POOs pur pe Rog aq We BURN sures ays eM ~ sisAqeuR UF O01 a9 Sf agi] JO seaze Jaypo wt puy om eI Xopesed ous ay2 IUD azZIUBODaI 01 BAY 2A, Surooryd yosuNeay Jo sus) UT suoHeoIpuresyU0D pue suOHEoIpuT “Sunejar Ul WouTOdxs payedionur Jo pauuryd ay) Jo asn poos 24eW 0} ssao01d SANTUSOD dy Jo YBnous spurissapun war oy IH AWIEID9 aiqeuosvas «+ ‘Quowou sures ay) Ie aatsnpoxa ATenqnus Ayensn. ea om} asayi) drysuonryor souasaysuen ay Jo uorssres Arerodua1 . ‘diysuonrjas spnadesayoypAsd w321-Bu0] & ut oourTe SULYIOM pros ee JOIN SuIMoToy aq) produ aaa ‘diysuonejas aaneseday & urequrew pur YsHquisa oj, soULUDIUTEW puL JusWaseULy, Sel ; dhysuonvpay aanezeday so papoon Aqjeruauidoyaaag ou, _ drysuonrjsy spnadessyy, oy, : vel 136 The Therapeutic Relationship pastoral advice, arts materials, information about voice or movement classes. One does not hand out information, advice or resources, criticism or support without paying attention to the patient’s clinical requirements. Deficit work, reparenting and rechilding Deficit replenishment takes myriad forms, from radical reparenting (Schiff et al. 1975) to transmuting internalisation (Kohut 1984), to providing the recog- nition of the infant in the adult (Balint 1989). All these therapeutic approaches involve the creation of new historical or new child ego states to Provide, in areas of specific structural deficits for example, positive self and object representations. Deficit, whether permission for catharsis or the provi- sion of corrective experiences (of nurture or control, mirroring or optimal frustration), can be made up through reparenting (Schiff et al. 1975), self- reparenting James 1974), or self-rechilding procedures which use a functional model (James and Savary 1977). Reparenting can be described as going back to earlier child ego states and providing a new object-relationship - finding previous developmental levels of fixation, undoing them and providing new or corrective experiences where these are lacking or needed. There may be a deficit in a sense of emergent self/core self; for example, a client who needs something actively to be provided in order to create a person with whom you can have a relationship. This could be facilitated by, for example, putting a withdrawn client into a group where they can experi- ence an alternative ‘family’ environment where noise, activity, expression of feelings and conflict are expressed and managed with no one being hurt, punished or isolated, then gradually internalising that this is an alternative to the repressive, unpredictable, terrorising family regime she had grown up in. It could be suggested that she, too, could begin to interact in the ways she had been witnessing, and respond to other people - give feedback, practise different behaviours and take confrontations from group members - particu- larly if she witnessed other group members expressing the kinds of hopes, despair, rage, frustration, longing that she had cut herself off from, and use this as a bridge to her own remembering and re-experiencing work. Rechilding within a structural or phenomenological model of ego states is discussed in Clarkson and Fish (1988), which should be read in conjunction with Clarkson and Gilbert (1988). Briefly, rechilding is defined as ‘the creation of new ego states on psychophysiologically developmentally earlier sub-strata’ (Clarkson and Fish 1988: 52). In 1946 Franz Alexander, when describing the mechanism of psychoanalytic cure, introduced the concept of the ‘corrective emotional experience’. The basic principle of treatment, he stated, is ‘to expose the patient, under more favorable circumstances, to emotional situations which he could not handle in the past, The ‘The Developmentally Needed or Reparative Relationship 137 patient, in order to be helped, must undergo a corrective emotional experience suitable to repair the traumatic influence of previous experience.’ (Yalom 1975: 25) Another problem in experiential psychotherapy can be a specific impasse. It occurs in situations where a good resolution is in principle possible, but would require an extreme experience of some kind that the client is unable or unwilling to face. Such psychological stumbling blocks vary considerably from individual to individual. It could be fear of facing psychological death (‘ego death’), fear of losing control, or fear of insanity. Other times, the obstacle can be a reluctance to experience extreme physical pain, suffocation, or some other form of intense physical distress. It is common for the subject to recognize the problems involved as something that he or she knows from everyday life in the form of specific fears or uncomfortable symptoms. (‘The last thing in the world I would do is to throw up’; ‘The idea of having to face pain drives me crazy’; ‘The most important thing for me is to be in control under all circumstances,’ etc.) In situations of this kind, the therapist has the important task to identify the nature of the impasse and to help the client to overcome the psychological resistance that prevents him or her from facing it. (Grof 1988: 256) It is not my intention to be comprehensive on this topic, since I believe I can rely on your own knowledge and your desire to fill in the gaps. I just mention these aspects to highlight the functions, similarities and differences in dealing with the developmentally needed or reparative relationship in psychotherapy. Gratification Following Freud’s admonishments to be abstinent and avoid giving gratifica- tion to the patient, there has been an understandable and conscientious avoidance and questioning of all analytic interventions that can be construcd as gratifying. As must be clear from the many examples quoted in this section, in practice the exceptions outnumber the rule. Anna Freud’s oft. quoted patient who was allowed to ring up the analyst any time during the day or even the week-end is a convincing proof that acceptance and gratification of some regressive tendencies, of of acting-out, is not altogether incompatible with ‘classical’ technique; in other words, is not an irreversible parameter. (Balint 1989: 83) Presence It is believed that the availability of a psychotherapist at a certain time and place is reparative for most patients ~ particularly those for whom reliability, predictability and a holding environment is the kind of experience they had never had before. 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During the increase of tension, that is before the gratification of the urge, most impressive and noisy symptoms appear; then a sudden change sets in, resulting in the feeling of a tranquil, quiet well-being which, if not carefully watched, may escape observation. 2. Intensity of gratification of the newly begun activities never reaches end- pleasure levels. 3. All new beginnings happen in the transference, that is, in an object relation- ship, and lead to a changed relationship to the patient’s objects of love and hate and, in consequence, to a considerable diminution of anxiety. 4, New beginnings also lead to character changes. Nowadays the same clinical observation would be described as a change in the ego. And, lastly, the most important 5. New beginning means: (a) going back to something ‘primitive’, to a point before the faulty development started, which could be described as a regres- sion, and (b), at the same time, discovering a new, better-suited, way which amounts to a progression. In my book Thrills and Regressions (1959) | called the sum-total of these two basic phenomena: regression for the sake of progression. (Balint 1989: 132) In a sense working within the transference relationship and working in the developmentally needed relationship are mutually exclusive. For any set of interactions one or another of these will have to be privileged because one is a highlight or explication of a past pattern or relationship and the other the introduction or exploration of a newly minted interpersonal experience. Usually, in order for a reparative or developmentally needed intervention/ relationship to be effective, it is necessary for the transference to be perma- nently resolved or temporarily in remission. To be effective in either of these relationship modalities it is crucial that the working alliance is intact and capable of sustaining the crisis of confidence, fear and potential satisfaction which attend upon a renewed resolution of life’s developmental and existen- tial crises. The strength of the working alliance will determine the extent to which the person can take responsibility in psychological or practical emergencies. This will also be influenced by whether the client can gener- alise outside the therapeutic relationship and/or whether the client can hold or contain the therapeutic vas as separate, distinct and a potentiate for real- life experiences. This fluctuation may occur over a period of years, months or moments. A mistake in this dimension, however, tends to feed back directly, quickly and vehemently in most circumstances. What is required of the clinician is that he or she is comfortable with the theory and practice of reparative work, both through his or her own experience and through his or her training and supervision and that he or she has not been destructively or ignorantly drawn into disputes or debates which alienate the clinical participants from their phenomenological experiences. Even if the practitioner is developmentally sophisticated or sensitised to the demands of a reparative relationship, account needs to be taken of whether there is a bias influencing his or her client load or effectiveness in one direction rather than another. Other criteria for evaluating effectiveness include appropriateness, timeli- ness, intactness of the working alliance, neutralisation of transference/ countertransference dimension, generalisability and utility to other relation- ships, intra-psychic restructuring, increased adult effectiveness, enhanced stability under stress, establishment of intra-psychic nurturing (Kohut 1968), freedom and spontaneity in current relationships and enhanced capacity for imagination and creativity. Summary The developmentally needed/reparative relationship can thus be differenti- ated as another kind of relationship which is potentially present and needed in psychotherapy. This is a traditional intervention in psychotherapy from Ferenczi (1980) to Fromm-Reichmann (1974), Kohut (1977) and Schiff and Day (1970). Here the psychotherapist intentionally provides the corrective/ reparative replenishing parental relationship (or action) in cases where the original parenting was deficient, abusive or over-protective. According to many, including Balint (1968), it is essential to differentiate this focus from untherapeutic gratification of either client or therapist desire. Counterpoint ‘Ideas are dangerous ~ especially one idea’ - Beyond developmental theory For most of the twentieth century many psychologists, psychoanalysts and counsellors were concerned with developmental phases and with the causal effects of childhood experiences on adult life. The arch-icons of this trend are Freud and Klein. Gung emphasised other aspects including development in adulthood - see e.g. Wrightsman 1988.) Developmental theories have attempted to order and categorise human development as a sequence of stages which are predictable and definable with later evolutionary achieve- ments based on earlier stages (Cornell 1988). Many adults in Western culture have become convinced that their difficulties can be traced to their early childhood experiences. Leonard Bernstein's ‘Officer Krupke’ chorus from West Side Story sang it on stages and screens throughout the world. The judicial system has felt the impact, and the agony aunts of popular magazines as well as the bulk of all teaching on child rearing and development have all but enshrined this as an article of secular faith. It is as if psychology has needed these hundred years to progress the Enlightenment Project. I believe

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