EDU 218—1001 Hailey Peck
ALL APPLIANCES WORKING IN
SCIENTIST RUN OVER BY A
TALKING HORSE! By Joel Steffanus
This weekend, a scientist by the name of Dr.
Sheldon Cooper was trampled and hospitalized by
a talking horse who calls himself Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed’s
statement was as follows, “He kept telling me that
my talking was impossible and teaching me
about my biology and evolution. Then he displayed
me like a show horse to his friends and they had an
argument about who would win in a fight between
me and some talking space raccoon. What tipped
me off worse was that that lanky scientist fellow had
a prepubescent voice that I just couldn’t stand to
listen to, so I flipped and ran him down.” Dr. Cooper
commented from his hospital bed very rattled, “The
nurses here aren’t wearing gloves! And I know the
ones that are wearing gloves are reusing them. And
they haven’t even given me a rabies shot yet. I
keep telling them to give me a shot and they won’t
listen. I could become a horse man soon, where I
grow hooves out of the palms of my hand and
grow massive teeth that can bite through cars, is
that what they want? Because it’s going to happen
I tell you.” More on the story as it progresses.
(Photo of Mr. Ed available here.)
June 18, 2017
ORSON HOME
By Christie Benoualid
In a fit of desperation, Frankie Heck; of Orson,
Indiana; called in some reinforcement. Her appliances
and their lack of ability to work when she needed them
most, had plagued her for years. The only way her
microwave would work was if she blasted it with hot air
from her hair dryer. The only way her washing machine
would work was by understanding that hot was cold and
using duct tape to keep the top from opening up during
the spin cycle. The TV was also pretty finicky and would
often need a slap to have the image appear.
She called 1-800-HAP-EDAY and got all the help she
needed. Arthur Fonzarelli, A.K.A. “The Fonz” showed up
at the Heck home. He arrived on his Harley Sportster
wearing a leather jacket and declared he could save the
day. All the Hecks were a bit apprehensive, but he said
he would wave the service charge because he was
retired and because they were so nice. In just a few
minutes and a few fist slaps from the Fonz, all appliances
were up and running. Frankie Heck rushed to him with a
great bear hug. Sue Heck screamed her head off. Axle
Heck wanted a job with Happy Day and shoved his
resume into the Fonz’s hand. Brick Heck missed the whole
thing as he was off in his room reading a book about pop
culture television. Mike Heck gave a silent nod and
If you are ever in need of help with your appliances, be
sure to call 1-800-HAP-EDAY and ask for the Fonz!
asked the Fonz questions about his bike.
 MTV PRESENTS: THE REAL WORLD CHANGE OF PACE By Emily MacKinnon

TAKES LOS ANGELES! By Kacie Gottenborg

Following their divorce in recent months,

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have left the
relationship on bad terms. Heard was significantly
younger than Depp (over 20 years younger), and
this age gap is what Depp says caused the
relationship to go wrong; Heard was just not ready
for a relationship with an older man. He remarked
to a close friend, who later told us, that he aimed to
date someone a little older...and it seems he
meant much older. Rumors of Johnny Depp and
Betty White seen together in a romantic
capacity have sparked like wildfire, and sources say
that she makes him happy.
Oh, but don't be misguided by the happy-go-lucky title of
Depp has commented on the relationship, saying
this news article. This isn't your average seven strangers,
that while White is almost twice his age, she knows
picked to live in a house and have their lives taped
how to better understand him. In an interview
season of The Real World. Instead, this season takes place
pursuing the truth of this situation, he admitted,
not in a house, but in a hotel. The name of that hotel is
"Golden Girls was my favorite show when it was on; I
Cortez, and if you aren't familiar with that name you
never missed an episode. And I have always
should get familiar with it very fast. On this season of The
admired Betty...her humor and spunk is not just an
Real World, these seven strangers will be living inside of
act for television." Betty White has not commented
the American Horror Story: Hotel where nothing is off
on their relationship, but she has mentioned Depp
limits. Terrifying events will take place at any
in her past interviews, in her classic Betty White
given moment just like the show. Have you ever lived
manner, and it definitely leads us to believe that
inside a haunted house for three months straight and
Betty may have had her own little celebrity crush on
expected to come out completely sane or even alive?!
the man.
This season will be like no other! Cameras will capture
every horrifying moment and ratings are expected to be
astronomical! Coming this summer. Check your local
listings for details. (Betty White during interview about Johnny Depp)

SECRET COMES TO LIFE By Leslie Leos Rivas

Attention, Attention!! Cabs are here to pick up Homer

Simpson to declare his long awaited confession. Homer
has finally decided to spill the beans in front of the
counsel and fellow residents. People are saying that
Homer has been conspiring against his own kind to bring
civilization to it's end. They caught him sneaking out of
Jimmy Neutrons lab with a concealed object. People say
it can be a doughnut maker, a machine gun, a UFO, or a
CLONE machine! Come and find out today at 6PM
pacific-time.
 JENNY MAY BE TAKING IT BACK TO
THE BLOCK! By Ashene Adams
Jennifer Lopez has been linked romantically to
Drake, Casper Smart and her latest beau Alex "A-
Rod" Rodriguez but Jenny may be taking her heart
back to the block! She was seen leaving Italian
restaurant, Tutto Il Giorno with Sean "P. Diddy"
Combs in the Southampton's last Tuesday night. J-
Lo and P. Diddy were in a romantic relationship in
2001.
A private source says that Jennifer has always had
a special place in her heart for Combs. Her feelings
rekindled after the two bumped into each other at
the AMA's after party in 2016. The two were spotted
whispering and laughing together and even shared
a few dances on the dancefloor that night. A-Rod
has been nothing but a gentleman to J-Lo since
they have been spending time together but P.
Diddy has always been the one to take her breath
away. After the AMA's after party the two began
texting a source claims and Jennifer could not resist
an invite for a night on the town with the Bad Boy
Record Label Producer. The source also said
that the reason J-Lo decided to meet with P. Diddy
for dinner was to make her final decision about who
she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
Will Jenny choose A-Rod or will she take it back to
the block with P. Diddy?
(Photo features J-Lo and P. Diddy)
MAGIC IN THE AIR?
By Sarah Frederickson
It is well known that Tom Felton and his long-term
girlfriend, Olivia Jade, recently broke up after the money
scandal earlier this year. Tom hasn’t been seen out and
about until last night when, Harry Potter stars Tom Felton
and Emma Watson glowed as they shared dinner with
one another. The two was seen holding hands while on a
date. The two have continually claimed that there is no
romantic relationship between them. (Though it is well
known that Emma had a childhood crust on Tom while
filming Harry Potter.) Tom told the cameras that they
were on a friendly date. However, after dinner they were
seen driving together to Tom’s hotel. Does this mean that
these childhood stars have finally come together? Will
Dramione fans finally get what they have hoped for?
(Emma Watson and Tom Felton)
THE BOY WHO By Hailey Peck
WAS A JEALOUS
DRUNK?
While there has been some suspicious sightings of
Emma Watson and Tom Felton, who played
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy in the Harry
Potter series, it seems there is a third wizard involved
in the juicy drama! The one and only Harry Potter,
“the Boy Who Lived,” himself, Daniel Radcliffe. It
seems Radcliffe and Felton are having quite the
time fighting over the brunette beauty. On Friday
night, Watson was seen entering a night club in LA
with Felton and, soon after, a seemingly drunken
Radcliffe joined the couple looking quite heated!
The screams that followed could have given a
mandrake a run for its money before the Boy Who
Lived was escorted from the club. It seems there
was more going on at Hogwarts than Potions and
fighting Dark Lords. Is the witch putting her spell on
both of these wizards? What will become of this trio
and the friendships within? More information soon
to come!
 BUFFY IN By Samanta Thomas
MYSTIC FALLS?!
SOMEBODY TO By Paolo Valdez The famous Buffy Summers, the vampire slayer
LOVE FOREVER?!
found herself in Mystic Falls this last week.
Rumor has it that she was spotted with a
(Shot of Chris Brown’s music video feat. Justin Bieber)
vampire on a date this last week!

Not knowing how to take in the mass amounts of

vampires hiding in plain sight, she set her eyes on
one, Stefan Salvatore. Their eyes met in the Mystic
Grill. Having a stake in her hand approach Mr.
Salvatore ready to stake him through the heart. As
she approached him, her demeanor changed.
After what seemed to be a magical “hello” Buffy let
go of the urge to plunge the stake into his chest
and they started a conversation.
CALLING ALL CHRIS BROWN FANS AND BELIEBERS!
Have sparks begun to fly? Is Ms. Summers falling for
Chris Brown and Justin Bieber have a hidden
relationship! They were last seen in Mexico crossing what she kills? Catch more next week in the Bloody
the border line of Tijuana getting tacos last Friday News.
night. Did they think that they were actually going
to hide their love among the paparazzi?! Turns out (Buffy’s new hunk, Stefan Salvatore)
these pop stars have been single for such a long
time, because they have kept a hidden
relationship. Just in time, TMZ news reporter PB.
Valdez had the chance to hear a few words from
the newly discovered couple. "THIS MEANS
NOTHING AND NOTHING IS GOING ON BETWEEN
CHRIS AND I." Bieber hesitantly replies while Chris
gives him a blank stare. While he gave me his
response, both were under the influence, and took
an Uber to the border with security. Did these love
birds create after the tragic break up between
Gomez and Bieber, as well as the break up of
Rhianna and Chris?! PB. Valdez will continue to
investigate these lovebirds and their adventures.

(Playful shot of Justin Bieber and Chris Brown)

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