Vous êtes sur la page 1sur 47

Life Coaching Manual

Authentic Guide for True Life Change


By

Michael Taylor
Copyright (c) 2013
All rights reserved, including the rights to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this
text may be reproduced, transmitted, download, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information
storage and retrieval system in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express
written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other
means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized
electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials
TABLE OF CONTENTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWORD
Chapter 1 – The Basics of Coaching
Chapter 2 – Becoming Your Own Life Coach
Chapter 3 – Choosing the Correct Path
Chapter 4 – Getting A Positive Perspective
Chapter 5 – Questions To Ask Yourself
Chapter 6 – A Coach Actively Listens
Chapter 7 – Strategies For Asking Questions
Chapter 8 – Sample Questions For Basic Coaching
Chapter 9 – Giving Feedback
Chapter 10 – Reach For Your Goals
Chapter 11 - Key To Happiness
Conclusion
FOREWORD

Many people are looking for a positive change in their lives. They will do anything for a
more successful and more meaningful life unlike the one that they are living right now.
Great news! Anyone can attain this kind of life, and you can have it without the need to
spend hundreds of dollars.
This is a highly-practical self-help book that will teach you about the different strategies
and approaches to improve how you view and live your life. These tips are also
designed to help you gain the necessary coaching skills that you need if you plan on
becoming one of the best and effective life coaches out there. In this eBook, you will
learn about the tools that are are important for developing your expertise in the life
coaching processes, and find out what tactics you can use to help others and yourself as
well.
Chapter 1 – The Basics of Coaching
“Seek opportunities to show you care. The smallest gestures often make the biggest
difference.”
- John Wooden

Welcome to the world of coaching. You are probably here because you are seeking
change in your life. Wherever you are currently in your coaching journey, it is always a
good move for you to revisit the definition and fundamentals of coaching. Most of the
time, the basic concepts are forgotten that is why the goal of having a happy and
successful life is not attained.

Coaching: Defined
Coaching is the process of helping someone reaches their potentials in life. It is making
a dream, vision or idea into reality. Coaching is about commitment, enthusiasm, intent,
and concentration from both the coach and the coachee. More than anything else,
coaching is about getting results. It is about a person’s outcomes that can be quantified,
measured, experienced and seen.

Who is a coach?
A coach does not give the coachee the answers or provide advice. A coach believes
that the coachee already has the answers he needs. What a coach does is assist the
coachee to find the answers within him or herself and bring it out and convert it to
positive actions.

Counselling and Psychotherapy versus Coaching


Psychotherapy and counselling are distinctively different from coaching. Why? The
problems of the people who need counselling are based from trauma, condition, and/or
a specific incident. A counsellor or a therapist will look into the patient’s past in order
to look for solutions to the current condition. On the other hand, a coach will not dwell
on the past, he addresses the issues and/or challenges at hand.

Coaching is about where the coachee is right now and where he or she wants to be in
the next specific number of years.

In every coaching session, here are two things that should never happen:
The coach should never judge the actions or words of the coachee
The coach will never criticize the coachee

In coaching, there are no failures or successes, only results from every action made.

GROW: The Model of Coaching

There are different models about coaching. Here is one of the coaching models that you
can adapt for yourself and share to other people.

G = Goals, these are the things that you want or your coachee want to attain
R = Reality, this is the current situation
O = Options, these are the things that you can explore which can be materialized
W = Way Forward or Will, this is the how, when and what for taking any action
forward

In every coaching session, a coach will walk you through each phase to assist you in
moving forward regardless of whatever situation and kind of life you are living right
now.

Coaching is following a progressive process, wherein if there are blockages, they will
be transformed to stepping stones in order for the coachee to attain the ultimate goals.
Each stage will make you closer to your highest potential and the fulfilment of your
desires.

Here are two key values or factors that must be at the center of every coaching session:
Responsibility
Awareness
Chapter 2 – Becoming Your Own Life Coach
“There are three types of people in this world. Firstly, there are people who make
things happen. Then there are people who watch things happen. Lastly, there are
people who ask, what happened? Which do you want to be?”
Steve Backley

A life coach is someone who can help you manage in the different aspects in your life –
from your personal life, career goals and to your finances. There are professional life-
coaches who offer their services such as sharing their insights for a fee. Each person has
the power to scribble his or her own destiny like you. You can be a life coach for
yourself and also to other people. Here’s how you can learn the ropes on how to
become a life coach.

1) Observe your own thought and behaviour patterns. This will help
you become aware of your weaknesses and strengths. You have to identify
and determine the different aspects in your life that you need to improve and
enhance. Keep in mind that before you try to fix anything, you have to know
and identify what is the problem and what is it all about.
1. Practice looking at your life from a different perspective . This
strategy might take a while for you to master. It needs time and
practice. So you need to be patient and need to take a break to reflect
once in a while.
2. Notice how you cope with your anxieties, anger, excitement and
stress. These are all normal emotions that all people experience but
are handled differently, even if the situations are the same. Do you
address these negative emotions reasonably or do you allow yourself
to breakdown? You have to pay attention on the factors that will trigger
your emotions at work, at school, with your spouse, with your children,
with your friends and so on.
2) Start paying attention on how you relate with other people. Your
relationships with your loved ones, friends, colleagues, employees or with
everyone else, can and will reflect who you are. Here are some questions that
you need to ask yourself to find out how you treat others:
1. Do I always argue with my partner, family members or friends?
2. Who always prompt the arguments?
3. How do I resolve the conflicts and disagreements?
4. Am I willing to compromise?
5. Do I always assert my position?
6. Are there specific people in your life that will always feel you
insecure and irritated? Why do you think this happens?
7. Are you ignoring and neglecting the important people in your life?
8. When was the time that you showed you cared for a loved one or a
friend?
3) Determine your insecurities and fears about your future. This will
assist you to put all your fears in positive perspective and separate your
irrational fears from the rational ones. You need to identify if a fear is
rational, such as a real danger that can endanger your life, or if it only sprouts
from personal insecurities, like getting bypassed for a promotion at work.
1. Here is a sample exercise. Think of any fear. For instance, “I am
afraid to take higher studies and go back to school because I think I
am a weak student. I will not be able to finish the course.” Now,
picture a friend, a family member or a colleague telling you the same
thing. What do you think your reaction will be? What will be the
advice that you will give that person? Would you tell him or her to
consider trying going back to school, or to just give up the idea? It is
innate to all people to give sound advice than to take it themselves.
Due to this bias, you have your insecurities.
2. Keep in mind that even the most successful scientists, entrepreneurs,
and inventors were doubtful about their skills, talents and capabilities
at some point of their lives. They may have received criticisms from
the people around them that they cannot attain whatever their goals are;
and yet they were able to make it. They followed their dreams and they
were able to pull it through.
Begin keeping your journal or diary. Diaries and journals are great ways to keep track
of all the things and events that are happened in your life – both the highs and lows. This
is also a perfect way for you to take note of your reactions in every situation. Review
your entries to help put your life into positive perspective. Notice the patterns in your
life and determine the recurring problems. Reading old entries will also help you think
what could have been your reactions. Ask yourself if your reactions are appropriate in
that situation or you could have addressed the issue better? You need to keep these
details in mind for you to know how you can improve yourself for the future.
Chapter 3 – Choosing the Correct Path
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”-Lao Tzu

Determine your likes and interests. One great way to enjoy a fulfilling life is to devote
your precious time in accomplishing things that you really care about. Try to consider if
you are interested with the environment, politics, science or art. Ponder upon your
legacy that you want the people around you to remember. Ask yourself, “What impact do
I want to create to every person that I will meet?” All of these will help you search the
perfect road for you to take.
You need to differentiate your bigger interests from your hobbies
It does not mean that if you love playing the guitar, you should target a career as a
musician. However, if you sleep, eat and breathe guitar playing, then you should
continue to practice. Try to perfect the craft you love and push to get your dream.
Do not just give up your hobbies
It does not mean that if a hobby is not lucrative, you just forget about it. Life is all about
learning to juggle fun and work. It is also about forgetting anything that will put at risk
your emotional health. Keep in mind that if you have never accomplished anything, you
would not be able to appreciate your available time to spend doing your hobbies with
your friends and family.
Develop and explore your God-given talents and skills
If you wish to reach your highest potential, you need to dedicate time in strengthening
the skills and talents that you already have. Uncover your hidden talents that you have
not yet discovered about yourself.
Take private lessons or classes on subjects that interest you
Learn something that you do not have any idea about, like a new language. You will
never know that you have a potential in that aspect that might open new career
opportunities that you never thought about.
Do not get discouraged
If you suddenly realized that you are not good or skilled at anything do not get
discouraged easily. Keep in mind that by acknowledging your weakness you are still at
the right path to growth because it will point you to the direction on what you are good
at.
Pursue your goals responsibly and passionately
The moment you have the mind-set that you are going to do something, make sure that
you are going to follow through. Prepare yourself for challenges and obstacles that will
come your way. Do not expect instant results for what you have done so far. Keep in
mind that all your hard works will be worth it at the when you reached your goals. Do
not be like other people who are full of regret because they did not even try to get over
the obstacles in their lives.
Learn to stand up and defend yourself
Along your journey in your life, you will meet people who will undoubtedly try to ruin
or take advantage of you; physically, emotionally or financially. You need to be a caring
and sensitive person, but at the same time tough-skinned. Do not allow people to step on
you.
Be vocal if there is something, or someone, bothering you – your spouse, employer,
friend or anyone. Learn how to tell people in a calm manner that they have crossed the
line. It is probable that the other person does not even know that you were offended.
Chapter 4 – Getting A Positive Perspective
“I try to look on all the great things God's done, and not focus on the negative. It's a
perspective.”
- Joel Osteen

Learn to turn the silent mode of all your negative thoughts


You might have heard people say, “You are what you eat,” and in the same sense, “You
are what you think.” Positive thinking is a very powerful tool that can convert any
unpleasant and mundane experience to something amazing. Thinking positively everyday
is a perfect foundation that you can build for a better and happier life no matter what
happens to you.
For moments when you are having negative thoughts, take a couple of steps
backwards
Determine the thoughts and label them as “negative.” You have to isolate all the
negative thoughts in order to put all your insecurities, anxieties and worries to rest.
Regularly practice meditation
It is the practice of progressing mindful awareness. It will not only teach you to shut out
all the negative thoughts but meditation will also assist you to calm all your thoughts,
bad or good in order for you to savour each moment.
Be with positive people
Keep in mind that the energies of other people will rub you off especially if you have
been spending a lot of time with them. Ensure you only spend with people who can
make you feel better and not worst such as the people you love and those who are
important to you.
Before you back off to “toxic” people whom you cannot avoid such as family members
or friends, try your best to influence them and turn their negative attitudes to positive
ones. Forget about succumbing to negativities.
Cut-off any emotionally and physically-abusive relationships
Even though you are the most forgiving person in the world, there are no excuses for
abuse and violence.
Always be grateful and thankful
Many people define themselves in terms of what they want, what they need or what they
want to do. In other words, most people define themselves what they do not have. In
result, you see yourself incomplete which actually you are not. Spend time thinking of
all the things you have in your life. Be thankful for the shelter you have even though it is
a small place – at least you can call it a home and it is yours. Always remember
memories that are positive. It might be very hard to forget about the sad and
embarrassing memories, but do not allow yourself to be overpowered by these bad
memories. Always think of the good and happy memories.
Try to recall the best day you had for the past month or week. It could be a celebration
of your birthday, a new life or the wonderful vacation you had with your family.
Always appreciate the amazing people loving and caring for you. For instance, do not
waste your time sobbing inside your room because you do not have a partner.
Appreciate the existence of other people in your life such as family members and
friends who will always be there for you anytime you need them.
Chapter 5 – Questions To Ask Yourself
“Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends.” - Aberjhani

Help yourself grow through asking the right questions to yourself.

Question #1: How do I spend my time?

One of your most valuable resources is “time.” Every person has the same numbers of
hours each day. You will not definitely be able to control time but you can absolutely
manage the limited amount of it that you have.

What is your current relationship with time? Is it giving you the happiness and
fulfilment you are looking for? Do you feel and believe that there is no sufficient amount
of time during the day to accomplish all that you want to do? Do you feel that someone
is managing your time for you?

Remember this – the way you choose to spend each hour of your time is how you are
spending your life each day. The approach you choose in spending your time surely tells
about you – your choices, your priorities and the things you value in your life. Have you
set your priorities and core values?

Redefine your relationship with time if you have chosen and decided to have a balanced
life. Shift your emphasis from frustration to fulfilment, from quantity to quality, from
pressure to peace and from lack to abundance.

It is your choice to manage your time!

Question #2: What would I do if I already know that I should not fail?
Most of the time, the fear of failing is what holds you back in pursuit of your life. There
are some people who will not set goals for themselves because they are so afraid of
failing that is why they do not even try.
How many great opportunities have you let it passed because you lacked the strength
and courage to take the risks because you are so afraid to fail? How much more lost
opportunities and pain are you willing to endure by continuing to allow procrastination
and fear to rule your life?

Failure is just an idea that only exists inside the ego of your mind. Your ego’s favourite
slogan is “always play it safe.”Your ego is the small voice that is at the back of your
head which gives you all the intentions why you should not try this or do this.

The strategy to create outputs in your life is through doing something. Accept the
concept that in every action there is an equivalent success or failure. Whatever will be
the results, learn from it. Do not be afraid to fail- but be afraid of not doing anything.

Question #3: Where do I concentrate my attention?


You are going to live a life depending on what and where you put your concentration on.
Your thinking process and patterns will create your everyday life. The everyday
experiences you create are based on the things you give your attention to.

Whatever you hear will depend on whatever you listen for. Whatever you see will
depend on whatever you search for. Whatever you feel will depend on the experiences
you search for.

The outputs you make are the results of your concentration. If you notice that you are not
achieving the results you wish to have, it is now time to revisit what you should be
concentrating on. If you continue concentrating on the same things in your life, you are
guaranteed to gain the same results.

Imagine your concentration is like it is a boomerang. Whatever you put your


concentration on, it will definitely come back to you, even if you throw the boomerang
with even more power it will still come back. If you are always sending fear, jealousy,
anger and negativity, you are inviting the same thoughts to come back.
Question #4: How I am utilizing my talents?
Take a look at the people who have achieved a lot in their lives. You will discover that
these people have effective strategies to make use of their talents and passions. They are
also much more fulfilled and balanced than the rest of the other people because they
purposively used their strengths and talents, and they continue to develop them through
practice and concentration.

Your talents and skills influence the way you respond on everyday situations, and also
the way you think. The moment you fully acknowledge and understand your natural
capabilities, you will be able to cultivate a higher level of self-awareness. As a result,
it will lead you to a healthier level of self-esteem and self-confidence, and a feeling of
satisfaction and fulfilment.

Your talents are not the reason why you become a unique and special person. It is what
you choose and decide to do with all your talents make it extra special.

Question #5: What do I want in life?


The quality of your experiences in life is the total amount of all your decisions that you
made. Your capacity to make decisions is what makes you free. You are creating more
options you can choose from if you have more freedom; the more options you make
available, the more opportunities you have for yourself and for the people around you.

Has anyone told you what to do? What to believe? What to feel? How to behave? If you
answered yes in all the questions, why would you allow someone, even a loved one to
decide minor or major decisions for you?

Life is too short. Time is your most-prized possession. Allowing someone else to
choose and decide for you is an absolutely waste of time. You are the only person who
is knowledgeable about your life.

Just believethat you are the major investor in your life. What are the strategic decisions
that will assist you to flourish and grow this coming New Year? Being aware and
acknowledging that you have your choice does not mean that you will not encounter
unforeseen and uncomfortable consequences. However, not having a decision is also
your decision of facing the consequences that are negative.
As Peter Drucker said, “a successful business means someone made a very
courageous decision.”
Chapter 6 – A Coach Actively Listens
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to
reply.”
- Stephen R. Covey

Active listening is an art form. Many people think that they are already listening if they
stopped talking and started formulating the words and statements to say next inside their
mind while someone is saying their piece. That is not listening. If you are busy and pre-
occupied with your thoughts then there is no point of having a coaching session. You are
not to be called a coachee or a coach.

Listening is more than just hearing the different words and being able to repeat them. In
order to get the meaning of what the coachee is saying, the words behind the words are
important. Plus, listen also to other things such as the metaphors, contradictions, slip of
the tongue, omissions, jokes, and recurring themes. These can speak millions of
meanings.

In active listening, the coach must take note the different intonations and emotions on the
voice of the coachee. Non-verbal cues such as body language can also help the coach
understand much better the story of the coachee. It can weaken, support or strengthen the
story line.

When a coach actively listens, he or she has an alert attitude. The coach will be
completely there for the coachee and his or her peeling ears.

A coach listens empathically which means he or she understands what the coachee is
going through or experiencing. The coach shows this trait through warm understanding
and with appreciation.

If you intend to be a life couch, you need to know what questions to ask. But before that,
you must learn to effectively and attentively listen. Active listening includes different
techniques such as paraphrasing, encouraging, summarizing, and asking clarifying and
reflective questions.

Paraphrasing
An element of positive feedback and acknowledgment is part of paraphrasing which is
essential in motivating the coachee to continue speaking up or sharing.

Paraphrasing is a request for clarification and verification of what you heard and
perceived according to what the coachee has said. It can also be a confirmation that you
have fully and correctly understood the message.

Here are some samples of perfect opening statements when paraphrasing:


You do not believe that…
So you firmly believe that…
You do not understand the reasons of…
What you are saying is…
It sounds to me that you…
For you it means…
If I get it right, you want…
You have always thought that…..but now you have discovered that…
The way you look at things…

Encouraging
Short expressions such as “I see” or “Yes” and nodding are great examples to be used
in confirming with the coachee that you are keenly listening to him or her. These
expressions are perfect for showing the coachee that you are appreciating parts of their
message.

Summarizing
It involves summarizing the story or the message of the coachee in order to provide
complete, structured and comprehensive feedback. When you summarize, you are
integrating and organizing the key points of the conversation. Plus, it also establishes
another basis for discussion that provides progress in your dialogue.
The important factors in a summary are the following:
Showing deeper empathy to the coachee
Reflection of real feelings
Reflection of the information
Structure and clarity
Exact summary of the entire message

Here are possible introductions for summarizing:


You visited me x weeks ago because…
We have identified that…because…
Is there something you would like to say or add at this stage?
To summarize, you were saying that…is that right?

Asking clarifying and reflective questions


Probing or asking related questions for them to elaborate the topic they are discussing
will make the coachee feel that are being valued, understood, listened to and respected.

Here are samples of clarifying questions:


Tell me more about…
Continue sharing
Go on…
What did you do after that…?
You mentioned… why is this so?
Does this always happen?

In clarifying:
You have to restate what the coachee just said
Listen carefully for the confirmation that what you are telling your coachee is
correct
Encourage the coachee to inform you if you are correct or wrong
Here are samples of reflective questions that you can use:
How was this situation different from …?
What do you think it would look like if …?
What do you think will happen if…?
What are your wishes…?
What do you want your ______?
What would be the impact of this to you?

Here are some introductions that you can use for reflecting:
You are hurt because…
The scenario is worrying you…
You are very disappointed…
You feel it is very embarrassing…
You were angry because…
You must be very fond of your…
You are too worried that you will…
You have a strong feeling that…
You sound sad. Maybe you can try telling me about it.

Other techniques are also important such as body language. In any conversation, body
language is a powerful tool such as head nodding.

Too much eye-contact with the coachee may threaten him or her. On the other hand, if
you are not going to maintain eye-contact, your coachee may interpret that you are not
interested on what he or she is saying such as looking at your documents or watch
repeatedly. These non-verbal cues are an indication that you are not honest or open or
you are hiding some information.
Chapter 7 – Strategies For Asking Questions
“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.” - John
Wooden

Asking questions is the way to find out things. The best way to do this is to follow the
FRRO tactic. It stands for:

F-rame
You set aside your personal opinions, feelings, and reactions. Just focus on collating
objective and useful information as much as possible. Unfold the story behind the story
and pull the critical aspects that are valuable for attaining the coachee’s goal to
forefront.

R-epeat
Show that you understand. Show that you care.

R-eality
Checking the coachee’s beliefs, expectations, and story will help build realistic
expectations.

O-pen Questions
Begin with open questions and first ask factual questions before continuing to enquiring
the coachee’s emotions.

Start asking open-ended questions. Generally, open questions always start with a
pronoun: which, how many, how, where, when, why, what, or who. The best thing with
open questions, the coachee will evoke to detailed response compared to other kinds of
questions. These are the obvious questions to ask if you are collecting information.
Open questions can help stimulate the coachee to speak up and to transform their
thoughts and feelings into words.
During the coaching session, exploring questions are useful for…
…putting the problem at the right perspective and context”
…knowing which feelings take part in the story?
…identifying and scanning possible goals
…exploring exterior and internal resources
…examining the different paths that can be utilized in order to achieve the
goal

Here are some samples of exploring questions:


Why do you feel guilty?
What is the exact meaning of guilty to you?
What do you do in order to cope with that feeling or scenario?
How do you feel about this situation?
How do you cope about your feelings?
How do you express your feelings?
Chapter 8 – Sample Questions For Basic Coaching
“Life's short. Live passionately.” - Marc A. Pitman

Here is a list of questions that you can use to ask your coachee and yourself.

Basic Questions:
How are you right now? Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest.
Can you describe to me a 10-point-level will look like?
If you are going to step two points higher on the scale, will there be any
difference? How will it be different?
What are the obstacles that keep you from arriving at the highest point today?
If you found out one morning that those obstacles are no longer blocking your
way, what would you do and think?
What do you think makes your situation from being worst?

Identifying goals
If you already reached your targets, what would it be like?
When do you want to materialize your goals?
Are these goals your personal goals or someone else created for you?

Motivational questions
What will you gain if you attained your goals?
What will you get if you are not going to reach your goals?
How will you feel if you succeed?
How will you feel if you are not going to reach your goals?

Experience questions
Have you been in a similar scenario earlier in your life where you are
currently situated?
How did you cope with it during that time?
If someone is experiencing what you are going through, what are you going to
tell that person?
Identifying obstacles
If other persons are involved, who is the negative the most? Tell me the
reasons.
What are the different circumstances that will affect you about this matter? If
needed, are you willing to look deeper on this matter?
What is your level of determination in trying to attain your goals?

Transformation
What are the steps to go to the correct path?
What are your other possibilities?
What are the other options that are readily available for you to take?
What are the other things that can be done?
What or who can assist you to get what you desire?
What is that you need to do first or the things that you need to find out first in
order to continue moving forward?

Perspective questions
If you have unlimited sources of money and time, what are you going to do?
If someone is going through the same problems and challenges what you are
going through, what are the advices that you will give that person?
If your closest friend is at the same situation like you do, what advices will you
give?
If your children are at the same situation like you do, what advices will you
give?
If somebody is looking down on you sitting from the moon, what do you think
she or he will advise you to do?
What do you think a person with the greatest wisdom will tell you to do?
What will a total novice do in the same situation?

Problem-solving questions
What will really works for you? Can you reinforce it somehow?
What kind of system worked for you before? Can you do it again?
Intuition questions
What is your instinct telling you to do?
Answer in seven seconds – how would you act if you knew the correct way to
behave?

Confronting your fears


What are the things that worry you the most?
What are the things that worry you the least?
What do you think is the best thing that can happen to you if you are not afraid
of anything?
What do you think is the worst thing that can happen?
If you are not scared of anything, what are you going to do?
If the people you love are scared, what will you tell them?
Did you experience that something has already turned alright and yet you still
worry about it? Can you relate it with your current situation?
Chapter 9 – Giving Feedback
“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” - Ken Blanchard

Feedback is the process of giving someone information regarding their performance –


both negative and positive points.

When you coach someone, there are times that you have already suggested courses of
action to a coachee that you believe that can assist him or her in solving the problems.
You have your opinions based on the information you have gathered from the coachee.
The concept of giving feedback and suggestion is to change or reinforce the patterns of
behaviour, to support the development of the coachee or to help the coachee solve his or
her problems.

Most of the time, a coach offers feedback and suggestions early during the conversation
before fully exploring the scenario with the coachee. Below are guidelines which
assume that you have already gone through enough questioning the coachee in which you
significantly understood the situation that he or she has presented to you.

Issues regarding feedback


There are many supervisors and managers who are not capable of giving effective
feedback to their people. The process of giving feedback also takes knowledge and
practice in order to make the session effective. Both the giver and the receiver of
feedback must be prepared for the feedback session. Both must know and follow the
ground rules. Giving of feedback is something that must be done regularly to really help
improve a person’s performance.

Guidelines in giving feedback

Giving of feedback to anyone is a very delicate communication tool because there is a


risk involved. The receiver of the feedback might interpret it as personal criticism
against her or him on how they are as a person instead of accepting it as useful
information to improve themselves.
The perfect way to give feedback is avoiding the “You- statements”, instead use “I-
statements.”

1) Provide the coachee a concrete description of the specific behavior


2) Share your feelings about the feedback
3) Explain why (use because)
4) Describe the anticipated consequence

Approaches in giving feedback

1) Be concrete and provide supporting general statements with exact


receiver examples. Any receiver of a coach’s feedback for both negative and
positive behavior will appreciate it more and will be able to answer the
statements that are precise. For instance, “This month, your performance has
improved a lot.” Both the receiver and the giver of the statement will be
more satisfied if the statement will be, “Your sales reports were well written
and were submitted way ahead of the set deadline.”

2) Describe only the facts; do not give your judgments. Describing


the facts will help a lot the coachee to understand the gravity and meaning of
the feedback. It also shows that the discussion is objective and focused on the
behavior. Feedback is not to attack the personal characteristics of the
receiver. For instance, “Did you coordinate with the sales director and his
team? I believed you did not organize anything.” This kind of statement
will only bring anger, trigger passive-aggressive behavior and return
accusations to any listener. “I got confused with the presentation of the
sales department. A short introduction about the meeting before the start of
the meeting would have helped us concentrate on the information and
issues at hand” – is a much better statement.

3) Be clear, direct and straight to the point. In some cultures, it is


considered acceptable and polite not to be direct to the point. However,
when giving feedback, a coach’s objective is to send across the message
specifically and clearly and not to leave the coachee guessing what a certain
message means. A coach will encourage a coachee to be polite and at the
same time to be direct in giving his or her message.

4) Consider the time when giving feedback. Avoid waiting for too
long to discuss your observations. You might be strategically allowing
building up all the information or the things that you want to discuss with your
coachee, it is not advisable. Your coachee may feel that you are holding back
vital information about his or her behavior that you know and feel that needs
to be improved.

5) Plan your feedback. You need to plan what are the things that you
are going to say. Make a list of the items that you want to send to your
coachee based on a particular sequence. Writing it down will help you
balance your comments and the feedback that needs the coachee to act on.

6) Always “own” your feedback. Make use of “I statements” in order


for your coachee understands that it is your own feedback about him or her.
Compare these two statements. The first one is, “Your posture of sitting with
your hands on your lap was very confident as you answered my questions.”
The second one is, “I found your hands on your lap very confident. Were
you aware that you are doing it? What were you thinking while you were
sitting and answering my questions?” The second statement was very
different and much better than the first one although they are basically saying
the same thing.

Approaches in receiving feedback

1) Learn to solicit feedback in specific and clear areas in your life. It


has been easier to provide someone a feedback when one is asked. Actually,
it is much easier to give someone a feedback if concrete questions were
asked. For instance, “I often struggle in giving conclusion when making a
speech. Can you help me? Pay attention to the conclusion that I will give
later.”
2) State your point in order to understand the feedback given to you
and always ask for clarifications. Listen closely if the feedback given was
not clear to you. For instance, “Are you trying to say that if only I had given a
brief introduction about the topic that I am going to share, then the entire
presentation would have been clear to you?”
3) Do not make the life of the giver of feedback difficult. Avoid being
argumentative, defensive or angry.
4) Avoid asking for explanations. Asking for examples and
clarifications are different when someone is asking why someone did not
prefer something. Asking for explanations more than the facts that have been
provided already is defensive. It might also end up in a heated argument
between the two parties.
5) Be always thankful and appreciative to your coach. “Thank you for
paying attention on the points that I need to improve about myself.”
6) Always assume that your coach is there to help you to improve. Do
not interpret that your coach is someone who wants to overpower you with
his or her knowledge and make you feel that you do not know anything.
Chapter 10 – Reach For Your Goals
“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to
you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger
and better than your current situation.” - Brian Tracy

Setting for your goals is the most powerful way of boosting performance that will result
to your end goal – happy and successful life. Whenever you work toward a very
challenging goal, you will definitely feel motivated. All your efforts will be translated
to commitment and outputs.

Try to look at people who have clear goals. They succeed because they are sure where
they are going. Companies with formalized and organized performance management
systems have better cash flow, higher profits, above productivity level, higher rates of
successful recruiting process, stronger employee performance, and lower percentage of
employee turnover.

Goals Work

It provides you a target.


According to the theory of Dr. Maxwell Maltz on human behavior, a person has a
“success mechanism” factor that is part of his or her subconscious mind. The said
success mechanism will continue to look for strategies to assist a person attain his or
her targets and address all problems.

Any person will feel and work better whenever their success mechanism has been fully
engaged. Everything that is needed to trigger this mechanism is an aim. Without one, it
will stay dormant or the worst case scenario is it will go after to targets that were not
chosen and decided consciously. Having goals will ensure that your aimed targets will
represent of the most valuable to you.

It assists you to concentrate on your efforts and time.


Many people do not have one single something to concentrate on during their workdays.
In case they do, “whatever happens” will be the mantra and it will just join a desk with
tons of papers. Goal-setters have already learned to put their energies, resources and
time toward one objective that will surely assist them to attain their bigger end. Even if
they have to work only a few hours at a time, goal-setters can still achieve excellent
outcomes because of the concentration of efforts. Your goals are excellent to given you
to concentrate and focus on the energy and time on meaningful and specific targets.

It gives you persistence, motivation and desire.


In order for you to achieve something that is worthwhile, you need to experience failing
and struggling for a couple of times before you attain your targets. A high achiever
person knows to pick-up him or herself from every failure he or she encounter and will
continue to move on. Why is it they do not give up? Where do they get the limitless
supply of motivation?

Commitment to achieving the goals creates a different kind of strength to attain its
purpose – this what keeps them going on.
According to experts, a person with a “big why” in his mind can definitely handle any
“how” or “what.” Your goals will assist you in remembering all of your “whys”
whenever you face any kind of adversity.

It dictates your priorities.


It is very easy to allow distractions, general busyness and trivial tasks to occupy your
work days. Your goals – dreams, visions and mission that inspired them can provide
your natural framework that will clarify your priorities in order for your choices are
according to the long-term perspective of the most crucial thing for you. There are many
spikes and stones that are scattered along the road you take. Your goals can help you
keep steady on your right course.
Chapter 11 – Key To Happiness
“When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new
chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is
particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during
adolescence.” - Bruce Feiler
Money will not buy you happiness.
You spend too much time chasing greener pastures, worrying too much where you are
going to get your money and counting your earning.

Consider this for a couple of minutes - in the US, more people are buying lottery tickets
compared to people who are voting. Everyone wants to be rich. However, lottery
winners often find that money cannot buy their happiness because they face challenges
such as disputes within family and friends. There is a new formed movement in the US
known as the "minimalists." This group of people has decided to live a lifestyle with
less money. They spend less, have fewer things, make less and buy less. They also
spend more time with their families and spend less on work. Minimalists have
concluded that money will not buy all they want in the world.

Remember, if a person's happiness can be bought, every store on the block will sell
happiness as a high-prized item.

Pay attention. You may already be holding or experiencing the things that you want in
your life.
Most people tend to forget to sit down and ponder where they started and where they
are right now. People have the tendency to want more in their lives. A much positive
approach is to always remember where you started then appreciate more all the things
you have accomplished.

Do not allow your religious beliefs to fade.


No matter what your beliefs are, it can allow you to understand more than the complex
things that are hard to understand how and why it happened. In every part of the world,
there is mystery. You have questions in your mind. Your religion provides you
consistency, answers, and hope.
Stay true to your words.
Your enthusiasm and progress can be killed if you will not follow-through. It is very
important that you concentrate and commit both on your work and personal life
whatever you said you will do.

Do not be too aggressive with your family and friends.


Even you have a point or you are right, you will not gain anything from allowing
yourself become oppositional with the people you love and care. Keep in mind that they
are much important than the issues or concerns that you are talking about. Giving of
criticisms within relationships will only reduce happiness.

Be an animal lover
Animals are the best teachers of love. The closer you get to animals, the more they give
joy in your life. Interacting with animals will supply you both long-term and immediate
positive feelings which contributes to the level of your happiness. People with the pet
they loved the most have 22 percent most likely to be satisfied in life than those people
without pets.

Learn to smile more often.


Your smile can make the people around you happy which in return can make you happy
as well. A smile is a magical thing that will surely brighten your day and someone
else’s which does not need you to spend any amount.

Laugh often.
Do not evaluate or analyze humour. Forget about asking, “Is it really funny?” or “Do
others see it funny?” Just laugh. React and enjoy the moment. Shaking yourself with
humour while doing your routine will help increase your productivity, creativity, and
job satisfaction. The Therapy and Humour Group said that whether you are at home or at
work, “Happiness is a laughing matter.” Your ability to laugh whether at yourself, at a
good joke or at life, it means you are satisfied with your life.

Develop new and common interests with your loved ones.


Common and new interests can be more fun if done with your loved ones. You create
deeper and stronger relationships during those activities. Every common interest among
families and friends increase the likelihood of a lasting relationship. In result, it can
lead to life satisfaction with an estimated two percent.

Little things in life have great and big meanings.


Tiny things such as the tone of your voice or the exact words and phrases you use as you
go on with your life send big messages. Your facial expressions really matter. Ponder
on this: recognizing the facial expression of someone in front of you will only need you
less than one-sixth of a second. You can already process a facial expression as far as
100 yards. You can do this through paying attention. Recognizing facial expressions is
an indicator that you are thinking. As human, you think that facial expressions are very
crucial that is why you pay attention on it. You react on it. Because you react, facial
expressions are vital in communications.

Shrug off “what if” statements


Wasting your time thinking and imagining what would have been if you just changed
something or any decision that you have made is counterproductive and will only leave
you unhappy. The best way to do is to improve for the better and for your future. Do not
waste your present time thinking about how could you change that is already in the past.

Volunteer your time and skills.


There are numerous chances that you can volunteer in your community. Become a
playmate of an orphan. Teach the kids for free. Be a saleslady of a local thrift store.
Anything that you will bring back to the world will also help you enhance your skills
and add more knowledge.
Conclusion
You can be your own life coach with the right mind-set. If you think you can coach
yourself, go for it. Once you mastered the coaching process and you feel that you have
the skills to guide other people, why not help others see the correct path? In other words
be their life coach.
Keep in mind that with the approaches, tools and strategies mentioned in this book you
are guaranteed to become instrumental in another person’s, or even your own, true life
change.
Please take a minute to leave a review on Amazon and let me know if You have
learned from this book. I always want to hear from my readers’ lifestyle and know
how their lifestyle improved.
Thanks!
Michael Taylor
Click Here To Send Me an E-mail