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Quips and Quotes “Love is what makes the world go round.” This lesson
A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how addresses what is likely the most important and
much you are loved by others. powerful, albeit misunderstood and undefinable, of all
human emotions, love.
The Wizard of Oz
Love can assume many forms and varieties, such as the love of one's mate, brother or sister, child, parent or grandparent, friend, or
country. Further, love can evolve or change over time, such as when the passionate love of the honeymoon becomes companionate
love. How can we conceptualize love as a state? Sternberg (1986) has proposed a triangular model of love representing the varieties
of love. All love experiences consist of three components, represented as points on a triangle. These components are:
1. intimacy, the closeness or bond between the two people, including communication, self-disclosure, and a desire to care for the
loved one
2. passion, the emotional arousal and physical drives in the love relationship. While physical attraction and sexuality may be
prominent, especially in the early phases of the relationship, other intense feelings such as need for self-esteem, nurturance and
dominance may also contribute to the experience of passion
3. decision/commitment, which represents not only the decision to love someone, but also the commitment to maintain that
loving relationship (Alcock et al., 1998, p. 221).
Varieties of love experiences can be described in terms of the relative importance of the three components of intimacy, passion and
decision/commitment:
Liking involves intimacy in the absence of passion or decision/commitment; in this sense, liking does not include feelings
towards casual acquaintances, but refers to friendships in which one feels closeness, bondedness and warmth toward the other.
Infatuation consists of passion without intimacy or decision/commitment.
Romantic love derives from a combination of intimacy and passion without commitment; or liking with the addition of
physical arousal and attraction.
Companionate love involves intimacy and decision/commitment in which the passion, at least in the physical sense, has
subsided (Adler et al., 2001, p. 222).
What seems clear is that loving is not simply an extreme form of liking. In reviewing the research, Berscheid (1985) suggests several
ways in which liking and loving differ:
Liking is relatively stable over time, whereas romantic love tends to be more fragile and volatile.
Liking is strongly influenced by the actual exchange of rewards, whereas romantic love is influenced more by what we
anticipate in the future.
Liking is influenced in a logical way by rewards (we like people more who reward us more), whereas romantic love is often
unrelated or even intensified by frustration or rejection (Alcock et al., 1998, p. 223).