Couples Retreat – Brother Pulickal – 14 & 15 February 2009

All that God created was good – Gen 1:10, 12, 21, 25, 31
God saw everything he made and it was good. God created man and said in Gen.2:18 "It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him”. God does not want man to be alone and hence made him a
partner. God made woman as a close, intimate partner for the man, who will support, share and be there till death. –
Gen 2:22 and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the
man.

A Christian marriage is a covenant not a contract. In a covenant God takes the first step but in a contract –
humans take the first step. When a contract is broken there is no punishment but when a covenant is broken there is
a punishment for generations after me – isa 59:21

Marriage therefore is a 3 fold cord, Eccl. 4:12 formed when couples give God the first place. It’s only in a
Christian marriage that husband and wife look for the will of God. It’s in a Christian marriage that God
blesses couples (not in a contract/court marriage) Gen 1:22 And God blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and
multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth." God blesses couples
abundantly in a marriage when they submit their lives to him.

Love is the most important aspect in a marriage which is possible only when God is prominent in a marriage. In
1John.4:8 He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. Vs.16 So we know and believe the love God
has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. We need to give God the
first place because it’s only through him that we can have an abundant life.Our souls must long for God for He is
the only one who can give us the love and peace we desire in our lives.

3 essentials for a married life

1. Leaving – Public Legal act
2. Cleaving – Personal aspect- Love
3. Physical – Physical aspect - sex
Gen 2:24 Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. –
Here husband unites with the wife and GOD dwells among them making the union a 3 fold cord which cannot
break.
Eph 5:31 -"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh."
Mt. 19:5-6 - and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two
shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not
man put asunder."
Mk. 10:7-8 - `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall
become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.
one point to note in the above 4 scriptures, that there is no mention of children , this is to say, that marriage is
perfect before God. . It is wrong to divorce a spouse on basis of no children.

Leaving - is an act A man/woman leaves their parents to join the spouse to start a new family. This is a public /
legal act, where God approves of the marriage. (Hence live in relationships are wrong)
Most marriages incur problems coz leaving has not taken place. Parents cannot let go of their children . If leaving
takes place then the couple should not depend on parents for anything. Parents must come second.

Cleaving – this is a personal aspect of marriage. Unless we leave with both our hands , we cannot cling onto our
spouse with both our hands. God is not saying Love your spouse, he is telling us to cling on to our spouse . He
wants us to enjoy life with only one person. Marriage is making a radical decision to live together – till death do
them part. This is a Spirit union means where husband and wife must be closest than with any one else in the world.
And God alone can give us this grace to love perfectly Gal 6:18 ;2 Tim 4:22; Philli 4:23
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One flesh – Sex is the physical aspect of marriage where husband and wife unite and become one. A child is
born thru physical union of parents through love and faithfulness sheltered by legality of marriage covenant .
Sex is not bad because that is how God has designed for us to come into this world. Ws 7:2
The “I” dies and it becomes “WE”
Sex is beautiful for God , mankind made it dirty and a taboo.
After marriage the body belongs to the other party(1Cor 7:4). Do not reject spouses advances, chances are that he
might commit adultery. Usually when the first child is born then the wife put child in between.
Unless we break away from old lives we cannot work for God. Only if the root is holy can the fruits be holy.
Read Rom 11:16 ;Ezk. 16:44;
It is important for couples to pray and then go to bed together. Even before they have sex it is necessary to pray
because the child born of this union must be born of the spirit and not only flesh. Tob 8:5-9 ,Jn 3:6
For a woman Love means 1. Heart – Love ; 2. Mind – emotional and financial security; 3. Body.
For a man it is only Body .
Spouses must share their success and failures, joys and sorrows. Sex is not just a physical union it’s a spiritual
expression of love.
Only husband and wife can see each other’s nakedness. Any other form of nudity is from Satan. Heb 13:4-

Purposes of married life:

1. Covenent – if broken we will suffer
2. Getting to heaven together – Jn5:28-29 may nothing separate us.
3. Companionship – understanding , unity ,togetherness
4. avoid adultery-
5. sexual pleasure

Defile the marriage bed: The marriage bed is the altar for the husband and wife.
1. Semen outside the body:
Masturbation is a sin – Gen 38:8-10 ; Deut 32:39 - -A man’s semen contains life and we do not have authority
to play with life.,
Deut. 32:39 - Let not passion control your life. Lust can destroy you forever.
Anal and oral sex is wrong before God. God wants sexual intercourse. Semen contains life and we cannot play
with life. Life belongs to God. Passion must be under us, other wise passion can take us to eternal destruction. 1
Thes.4:3-7.
Birth control is also wrong. Use of pills, loops, condoms etc is forbidden – we kill life if is we use these things.
enjoying sexual pleasure outside marriage is like stealing. I defile my body – 1 Cor3:16-17 -Do you not know that
you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?

2. Adultery – If I think of another man/woman while having sex with my spouse I commit adultery.
Mt.5:28 - But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in
his heart. A man wants sex and he will do anything for it. 1Cor7:36 – a mans passions are strong. Joseph and
Samson were both tempted by women, Joseph and Samson were both conscious of God but Jospeh landed in the
palace and Samson lost his eyes. Pray to God for him to help you turn your eyes from vanities. Ps 119:37, Seek the
beauty of the Lord who is the author of beauty. Looking at his beauty we must arrive at the creator.

3. Sex with an unholy body – is a sin and committing adultery. Having sex under the influence of alcohol, blue
movies, drugs or if in the sin of adultery is wrong. God treasures holiness.
Hear from Heaven above and not from humans. Only God knows the truth. Jesus quoted no one but the Father.

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4. Abortion- Abortion is great sin. Both men and women are guilty.
Wis 12:5-6- their merciless slaughter of children, and their sacrificial feasting on human flesh and blood. These
initiates from the midst of a heathen cult, these parents who murder helpless lives, thou didst will to destroy by the
hands of our fathers. Hosea 13:16- God creates every child and knows them even before their inception. Which
means there is life. That’s why abortion is wrong. Jer 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and
before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." (Read Ps 139)

Be faithful to your spouse if you want enter God’s Kingdom. Love him/her and be satisfied. Eccl 9:9

Fornication
Pre –marital sex is wrong. God hates fornicators. They cannot enter the kingdom of God,. I Cor 6:9-10.; Gal 5:19,
21; Eph 5:5; Rev 21:8
Read 2 Sam chapter 13- the moment a boy tries to play with the virginity of a girl he kick her out, we cannot harvest
grapes before time, we will get sour vine,
- Only dead fish swim with the current. We must swim against the current . Just because everyone involves in
adultery/pre-marital sex doesn’t not mean we should go in the same way. Indulging in such things are the
ways of the world not from God.
- Listen only to God and believe in Him alone. For only He knows the truth. Our constant statement must be
“I believe in what my God says for it is truth”

Sin of Scandal
God wants us to be modest and take care that we don’t lead others into sin. If we invite men to sin coz of our
indecent dress, we are guilty of sin. Lk. 17: 1 -2.

Lust is committing sin in my mind, of what I would like to do with my body – fantasize. Lust is temporary

As parents we need to correct children if they go wrong or we will be made accountable for their sins.
1 Sam 3:13 -14 - We cannot forgo our duties.

Sins that cry out for revenge – murder, homosexuality, unnatural sex with children, animals. The cry of orphans
and widows, not giving laborers their due.
What God has forbidden the world is glorifying. Any nation that does not obey God , He will uproot.
Leviticus 18:22 ;Leviticus 20:13-14; Job 14:4 ;Sr. 34:4 ;Jer12:17 ;Mic 5:15 ;Amos 1:13;Rom 1:26-27

Difficult husbands:
We should not complain against our spouses – we should make our own path straight Prov 16:7. if we change first ,
then God will change our husbands. Daniel 13:44 – the lord will hear our cry, if we cry for our husbands in sincerity
in our hearts then God will gather them up. Ps 56:8.Remember ,if God has given this crooked husband to us , then
he is given for us to save his soul. Humble your selves and think how we can get untited rather than separated. Do
not get into spiritual pride with spouse. 2Cor7:14 submit your plans to the almighty and then submit to one another.

Couples fight loneliness

1. workaholic – we make work our Gods to avoid nagging, but although work is necessary wife is first but
before wife is God. Lk9:59 our duty should not be a block for Gods kingdom.
2. Extra marital affair 3. Parties
4. Pilgrimages 5. Drugs
6. alcohol 7. suicide

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 10 commandments for husbands and wife’s
1. Never talk about the past
Isa 43:18 – All of us have a dirty past, and therefore should avoid judging others past. In Isa 65:17 – We do
not want God to remember our past , then we too should not remember others past.
The devil knows that as long as he can keep us down by the past , he has control over us.

2. Never meet without an affectionate sign of welcome

this affection the children will learn to love and grow in a happy and mature environment. Song 1:2

3. Synergy Deut 32:30

Individually wife and husband can be achievers, but together they can achieve much more. Sit down
together and do all things together. Finance, purchases, sharing day etc.

4. Ask what you can give to your partner

And not what your partner can give to you. Only your spouse must be your concern.

5. Shut your mouth – Mt 16:24 ; Mk 8:39

6. Love keeps no record of wrong

Love is to keep on smiling even when things go wrong. Love must cost you.

7. Complement your spouse at least twice a day

Swallow the pill twice a day,

8. Do not go to bed with anger against your spouse Eph 4:26-27

9. God sees this

There will be misunderstanding , hurts, but leave every things in God’s hand. Job 31:4; 34:21;10:14 Sir
15:19;17:19-20;23:19

10. 1hr a day in prayer

You will never be sorry in all eternity. Pray and supplicate for each other Eph 5:31. just like when a couple
enjoys sex , no place for words and can count on each other like no other, True Prayer has “no words”
Prayer is the desire of the heart arising out of the intimacy with God. God is holy , I must be holy and our
thoughts only about him.

10 rules for finance

1. God creates wealth – Deut 8:18

2. Feeling rich – Jer 9: 23-25 – Do not boast – Praise God! Remember the sins we commit for money
3. Honor the Lord with his due – Prov 3:9, Mal 3:8-10
4. Get out of debt – Borrower is the slave of the lender Prov 22:7
5. Save for children 20% - Gen 41:34-36; Prov 13:22
6. Guard against greed – Lk 12:15
7. God before money – Mt 6: 33 – money is for bringing souls to heaven
8. Love for money – it is not wrong to have money, God gives money, but loving money is wrong, 1tim6:10
9. Creation of wealth requires God’s blessing Ps 24:1, 1Cor 10:26
10. Be king to the poor – Prov 19:17 , Sir 7:32-33;29:12;17:22;35:12-13;40:17-24

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God is burning lakhs and lakhs of lamps for us to come back to him, Jesus made a decision for us by dying on the
cross, he had your name on his lips and nailed every one of our sins to the cross of calvary. Every drop of Blood
was shed for us, and when he had no more, water came from his body. He has done thins for us, How then can we
live in SIN. We have to lead holy lives. No matter how big our sins are before God , he knows them, and none
cannot be forgiven by him.

We must grow in our spiritual lives and not remain where we are, yearning for the things of this world. God does
not think in the ways of the world. He calls us ‘Satan’ if we are lost and worried about worldly things. Mt. 16:23. It
is very important to live a life in union with God, We must turn our ways towards God and change the way we live
according to His will or it will be dreadful on Judgment day for us. Heb 10:31

Our of a believers heart shall flow rivers of living water Jn 7:37-39 – BELIEVE GOD BLINDLY

Jesus made a decision for us, you make a decision for him, he is calling each one of us to FORGIVE,
REPENT AND LOVE – the truth will set us free.

The 1st greatest beginning the world has seen today is creation of the world and it happened thru the Holy Spirit
The 2nd greatest beginning is the incarnation of God becoming man – Lk 1:35
The 3rd greatest beginning is the beginning of the Church – Acts 1:11
The 4th greatest beginning can happen in the world today if You convicted by the power of Gods holy Word and
filled with the Holy Spirit. Then we will never be quite for spreading God’s word and God wants us to do it with
you and through you. ARE YOU READY???????

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