Protocol is defined as:

 A code of correct conduct

 The system of rules and acceptable behavior used at official ceremonies and
occasions:

Etiquette is defined as:

 Conventional requirements as to social behavior.
 the set of rules or customs which control accepted behavior in particular social
groups or social situations

From these definitions it is obvious that protocols are more widely recognized as being official
behavior, whereas etiquette is predominantly social behavior, but the basic element is the same,
they are about correct behavior in certain situations.

Low protocol is easy going and usual in most informal situations or casual stay at home nights. It
is also what many D/s couples use if they are in “vanilla situations” such as family get together’s,
where not everyone is aware of the lifestyle. Only to the practiced eye, is the subtle D/s
interaction noticeable, but there is no doubt in the submissive’s mind that it is there.

Medium protocol is basically just a step up from low protocol. It is still fairly easy going, but
there is a bit of an edge to things, and the submissive is a little more aware of his/her behavior. It
may involve things such as wearing a collar at the table for the evening, being mindful and
respectful to whomever is around you, but being able to speak fairly freely, as long as you are
respectful.

If a submissive or slave is “put on” high protocol, she/he is instructed to behave in a certain
manner befitting a high protocol situation - she/he would have certain rules to follow. High
protocol usually means all focus is on the Dominant, and no communication with anyone else,
unless directed, is allowed. The submissive would keep eyes lowered and be quiet at all times,
and remain in whatever position or place she/ he has been instructed to stay in.
Being in high protocol is a very good way of remaining focused, and also a good way of
lessening stressful situations. As a submissive, on high protocol you do not think of anything
except your Dominance
Trial/Consideration Collar (initial dating period)
A trial collar of is often the initial step in a potential new relationship between a Dominant and
submissive. When offered to a potential new submissive, it essentially announces what is a
mutual evaluative and adjustment period between Dominant and submissive as a couple. Other
terms for this type of collar is a probationary collar, collar of consideration, or candidates collar
(usually where the submissive has applied to membership of a Leather household).

Normally the Dominant will offer this collar after a couple of months of discussion and get-
together’s, where the submissive is just learning about D/s; alternatively the collar can be offered
after a few months of discussion, play parties, and fetish events, where its more about reaching
an understanding of the Dominant’s way of life and developing a deeper sense of mutual needs,
wants, and limits. The collar is typically worn for an agreed fixed period, say around 6 months,
and then the situation will be reviewed. At that point, further continuation can be negotiated (say
another 6-months), moving to the next progression in the relationship, or both parties can decide
to go separate ways.

The trial collar also serves as an indication to other Dominants that this submissive is basically
“off limits” when they attend events and play parties together, and it signifies the start of a
committed relationship. As the name suggests, it is not a lifelong commitment, but one that
should be respected by others while they are actively in that collared state. Should the
relationship not work out, there is not be any blame attached to either party if at some stage one
or other decides to withdraw from the situation. This is especially true if it’s through the
realization that the D/s lifestyle is not really suited for them. This is why it’s a period of trial – to
explore, experience, and evaluate knowing up front it may not be right for those involved.

Regardless of the possible impermanence, this kind of collar is not offered or accepted lightly, as
it denotes more than just a passing or casual interest. Both parties should be putting their best
foot forward, and to their best to understand the underlying meaning behind this
commitment. The rule always comes back to communication – if you are not sure, then ask. A
Dominant should never refuse answering a question by a submissive that is attempting to seek
understanding, clarification, and meaning. If the submissive cannot be sure what is involved, or
what it means, then you can always say No – and this is the time to do it.

Training Collars (significant other)

I primarily recognize the training collar for two primary purposes – that of training without
intention or goal of a relationship (skill), and training of both skill and interpersonal
compatibility in a relationship (partnering).

Skill

A training collar can also be used where a Dominant can give a training collar to a particular
submissive in order to train and mentor her in correct behavior and protocols while searching for
a Dominant with whom she will pursue a serious D/s relationship. This relationship is not one of
emotional attachment but rather that of Mentor and student. The mentoring Dominant will often
train the submissive in the necessary skills in service, experience typical non-sexual modes of
play, and help develop a greater sense of physical and mental awareness. In addition the
mentoring Dominant may also help in the search for the submissives next potential partner by
providing advice and guidance in the selection process. The submissive is often treated as if
owned by the mentoring Dominant until such times as she is released to another. Again, as with
protection collars, it is usually a Dominant of high standing and respect that becomes a Mentor.

Partnering

A training collar may be offered by the Dominant once the probationary period concludes
successfully. Usually, there will have been many discussions about likes, dislikes, needs and
desires, discoveries about personalities and characteristics, sexual and other physical
compatibility, relationship and life goals, etc. The underlying driver is a recognition that there is
real potential for this relationship to go deeper, and therefore requires more committed than
before. While the period of Training can extend beyond a year, a training collar is almost
equivalent to an engagement ring and often involves the same emotions, feelings and
responsibilities.

It certainly signifies to others in the community that this relationship is now on a more serious
level, and has the potential to be an enduring long-term commitment. The Dominant may now
move into other areas of training and discipline and can often demand higher standards and test
the submissives growth and sense of limitations than before in a more deep and meaningful way.

The submissive, on accepting a training collar, should have a sound appreciation of what is
required of her. She should be more aware of her own behavior, her emotional intelligence, and
mindfulness in reflecting and showing the training she is receiving. The collar is a symbol of the
devotion and commitment the submissive has for the Dominant.

Similarly, the Dominant should be more than capable in describing his additional responsibilities
to the submissive as well as what is expected of her. He should be more aware of himself as his
consequences as they impact the couple – from how both tend to interact or behave to the
increasing demands of the relationship. The collar is also a symbol of the devotion and
commitment the Dominant has towards the submissive.

Because of the level of commitment involved, it is not unusual for there to be internal conflicts in
the minds of both Dominant and submissive. The Dominant now has the added responsibility of
this particular submissive, which may well curtail exploration of other submissives or outside
activities, unless it is agreed by both beforehand that the Dominant may have others involved.
Similarly, some submissives struggle with the concept of devoted ownership in submission, and
the commitment to one person as their top priority. She is no longer available for other potential
Dominants and casual free play or social whimsy, which can lead to a sense of loss of freedom.

Subconsciously, both may wind up testing the relationship’s strength as they face greater
responsibility, risk, and as a result, insecurity. Doubts previously silent are brought to the
foreground, raising their voice and demanding unwarranted and unjustifiable attention. These
forces must be faced, acknowledged, and worked through as any couple would if the relationship
is to develop and grow towards the next logical progression. Like any relationship, honesty and
trust are paramount, both within the individuals and towards one another.

As the foundation, now is the time to perfect the ability to trust, to be honest, to communicate
respectfully, and to realize that every belief and feeling, expressed or not, is a choice that
determines how you will act. Be judicious in where you entertain doubts or fears, when you
ignore the consequences of decision and action, and into which bucket of emotion or time you
invest yourself. Where you do not put your mind can often be as, if not more, important than
where you do put it. Choose wisely.

Permanent Collars
This collar which is often recognized as the slave’s collar, is the ultimate step in a D/s
relationship. A permanent or formal collar is a recognition of the bond between the Dominant
and submissive, and bears the same level of commitment and deep feelings as a wedding ring. It
shows devotion, mutual respect, and expresses the fact that the couple share the ideals and
desires to build a relationship to last a lifetime.

In offering this collar, the Dominant shows commitment to care for the submissive, and be
responsible for her. Acceptance of this collar by the submissive is an offering of her complete
submission to the Dominant, she gives the whole girl to him, heart, mind body and soul, and
trusts Him to with her life. Little can signify the depth of trust, respect and commitment –
elements that are crucial to a successful D/s relationship.

A formal collar is often given at a ceremony or ritual, often held in private but can also in the
presence of friends and community members. Like a vanilla wedding or pagan hand-fasting, it is
a deeply personal moment which is highly emotional for both Dominant and submissive
alike. As such, the ritual that recognizes the bond should be well thought, acknowledge the
growth and development of the individuals and the relationship, and the journey yet ahead that
needs to focus on the trust and faith in one another already established.

It is a choice, as was the first moment of submission, to trust and to believe – not blindly, but
through the experiences built together.

Scene Collar (play)

A collar of this type is used for temporary occasions, such as while the Dominant and submissive
attend fetish events, at get-togethers or one another’s homes, or are within a scene together. For
the time it is worn, the roles are established and observed.

The purpose of “short-term” collar has two main typical uses. The first is assisting the
submissive in being mindful of the role and facilitating entry into sub-space. When placed
around the neck, it signals a change in habit and form from the outside and everyday world, and
brings the submissive’s mind to the present moment. It is part of the uniform that helps the
submissive adopt the appropriate change in behavior.

The second typical purpose of this type of collar is to serve as a signal to others that this
submissive is under a Dominants protection, and ward her from unwanted attention or casual
pick-up play from other Dominants. This can be crucial in newer or forming relationships where
the Dominant and submissive are trying to establish a foundation of interaction and connection,
as distraction or interruption from predatory behavior can create undesirable setbacks and
emotions in the early development of a relationship.

Timing
When a collar is offered depends on the purpose of the collar, which we’ll get to in a
moment. Suffice to say that a collar is often offered for a very specific purpose, and should
never be done frivolously and without appreciation for the consequences of the offer and
acceptance of the collar.

A Dominant may choose to offer their collar to a submissive, whereupon she then has the choice
of accepting it or declining it. The reason for the Dominant to offer a collar like this is normally
a declaration of sincere interest to pursue something lasting (although not always, which we’ll
get to later). Like many people that are putting themselves out on a bit of an emotional ledge,
it’s a precarious moment, and so the offer is typically not one taken lightly. As such, some
Dominants will only offer when they are quite certain that the answer will be a breathlessly
excited and highly anticipated acceptance. Admittedly, there is little as joyous as a giddy
submissive surprised and eagerly awaiting the Dominants commitment to her ownership.

Another option is where the Dominant chooses to have the submissive beg for a collar. In this
case the tables are turned slightly and it is up to the submissive to get down on her knees and
make a plea for ownership. Personally, I find this to be a real turn on – because the Master has
taken the first step in the acknowledgment and training of the submissive, but it is the submissive
that is acknowledging their desire, which in itself is part of the training (accepting desires,
voicing them, etc.). I like the idea of a sub or slave begging for the commitment of a full collar. I
see it consisting of something romantic – my slave being at her most romantic and seductive,
having created the environment and mood, with all her skills and training at her disposal is
essentially proving herself... and then begging or a little weeping as she pours out her heart and
soul as she begs to be His.