“The Only thing standing between oneself and happiness is

oneself. Live Happily, Ever After… Now! 9 Simple Steps to

Create the Life YOU Want! is a guide for readers who want
to push themselves towards a happier life and may not
realize that to get what they want it may be simpler than you
think. Discussing the barriers in one’s mind, understanding
why we are the way we are, and more, Live Happily, Ever
After… Now! is a helpful and thoughtful read that shouldn’t
be missed by those looking for a life renovation.”- The
Midwest Book Review

“I have been reading books about the Law of Attraction,

getting what you really want out of life, and living a
successful life for many years. In the process of reading all
of these various books, I have found some real gems. Live
Happily, Ever After…NOW! is one of those gems. It takes
all of the steps that you find in other books and puts them
into a little simpler terms, easier to comprehend steps, that
turn on a light bulb in your head.”- Books4moms blog

“I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Live Happily ever

After…Now! and the no-nonsense, non-preachy approach
Drake chose to use. Did the book change me? Time will be
the judge of that, but I am armed with the proper tools to
achieve my goal. Live Happily Ever After…Now! is an
excellent resource to help anyone achieve a happier life.”-
Jennifer Rundpinne’s blog

“This isn't a rah-rah type of book, filled with platitudes that

always fall a little short. This is a book written by a man
who knows what he's talking about. Whether you employ
these 9 steps completely or a little at a time, you'll notice a
difference in your attitude and how other people interact
with you.”- Marta’s Meanderings blog
 Live
Happily, Ever After…
NOW!
9 Simple Steps to create the life
YOU want!

By
Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

Lake House Publishing

Wellsboro, Pa
 Live Happily, Ever After… Now!

Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

Published by:
Lake House Publishing
Wellsboro, Pa 16901, USA
info@lakehousepublishingonline.com
http://lakehousepublishingonline.com

Live Happily, Ever After… Now! © 2010 Terry M. Drake

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States. No part of

this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or
by any means whatsoever without the express written
permission from the author. For information, address Lake
House Publishing, 6 Helvetia St., Wellsboro, Pa 16901.

First Edition

This book may be purchased for educational, business or

sales promotional use. For information please write:
Special Markets Department, Lake House Publishing, 6
Helvetia St., Wellsboro, Pa 16901.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2010904237
ISBN: 978-0-615-36086-7

Editor, JCP Bowen

Cover design and Illustrations by Autumn Rumsey

 Contents

About the Author ix

Acknowledgments x
Disclaimer xi

Introduction 13

Pre-step Stretch:
A few things you need to understand
The Formula for Happiness 21
Useful vs. Un-useful Habits 23
Your Belief System 26
Making sense of the formula 29
Summary 36

Step One
Don’t think of purple elephants!
I get what I want! 39
How does it work? 43
Thinking about what you want 46
Implementing it into my thinking 47
Helpful hints 48
Summary 52

Step Two
Drop the Conspiracy Theories!
What is a Conspiracy Theory? 55
Drop your conspiracy theories! 60
You are in control 62
How do I change it? 66
Summary 73

Step Three
If IT Works, Then Use IT!
If what works? 77
 Please yourself! 82
No more! 83
The affirmation 87
Summary 89

Step Four
Have YOU Been Paying Attention?
Why pay attention? 93
Learn from me! 96
No failure only feedback 98
Helpful hints 102
Summary 104

Step Five
Curiosity Killed the Cat!
Did curiosity kill the cat? 109
What is childlike curiosity? 112
The idiom: Curiosity Killed the Cat 114
Curiosity Explored 116
Explore and Live! 120
Summary 124

Step Six
Perfection is a MYTH!
What is perfection? 127
Perfectionist quiz 129
The Perfectionist 131
How do I change? 135
Einstein a failure? 138
Summary 139

Step Seven
If You Don’t, Then Who Will?
You must take action! 143
Who’s in control of you? 146
Change yourself! 149
Dare to be happy? 151
 Decide and take action! 152
Summary 155

Step Eight
Just Do It!
The Nike Principle 159
The Big Three 160
Reversing the process 163
Overcoming obstacles 166
Summary 168

Step Nine
Fake it Till YOU Make It!
Fake what? 171
Do you want proof? 172
Practice makes perfect! 173
How to practice 175
Summary 181

Now What?
Final note 185
How to use this book 186
My journey 187
Wrap up 189

Bibliography 199

Index 203
 ix

About the Author

Terry M. Drake is a Licensed Social Worker, National
Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Certified Trainer
of Ericksonian Hypnosis and NLP. He has spent the last 10
years learning about himself and others, through his
academic studies resulting in his MSW and his professional
studies, as a family therapist, clinical supervisor and vast
training and research into hypnosis, neuro-linguistic
programming, the law of attraction and positive
psychology. Terry is now ready to put these skills to use as
an author, speaker, consultant and coach. Terry lives in
Wellsboro, Pa with his wife and children.

Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

Wellsboro, Pa 16901
Email: tdrake@livehappilyeverafter-now.com
Phone: 800-429-3488
 x

Acknowledgments
I want to thank everyone who had a part in the
completion of this project, whether they knew they did or
not. To begin with I want to thank my wife, Lisa, and our
children, Kaitlyn, Emileigh, Desiray and Preston, because
they allow me the freedom and flexibility to spend the time
it takes to accomplish my goals. I want to thank my
parents, step-parents and in-laws; Sandy and Ray Osgood,
Larry and Jackie Drake and Don and Linda West, for being
supportive, encouraging and being available to help out a
busy family, with busy schedules. I want to thank Ron
Klien, my mentor and trainer, for opening a door in my life
that has led me in directions I had only dreamt of. I want to
thank CONCERN, the agency I work for, as well as Paul
Rieger, my direct supervisor for giving me the freedom to
grow as a supervisor and allowing me the opportunity to
develop a new set of skills and confidence.
One of the most important aspects to the
completion of this project was the guidance and direction I
received from my editor, Jen Bowen, thanks Jen. I want to
thank Judy Pearson and Jill Cody, who provided me with
extremely valuable feedback, which helped me to re-
evaluate my writing style. I want to thank John Higham,
for our occasional breaks from the day-to-day, as well as his
support and encouragement. I want to thank Autumn
Rumsey, for her hard work on the cover design and
illustrations, as well as being very easy to work with. I
want to thank Dan Poynter for laying the foundation in
Writing Nonfiction and for having a website full of valuable
resources. Lastly, I want to thank all my co-workers, other
family members and friends, thanks for being a part of my
journey.

I sincerely thank all of these fine people, and I know they

are proud of their contributions to the book.
 xi

Disclaimer
This book is designed to provide information about
the subject matter covered. It is sold with the
understanding that the publisher and authors are not
engaged in rendering legal, accounting or other
professional services. If legal or other expert assistance is
required, the services of a competent professional should be
sought.
It is not the purpose of this manual to take the place
of any medical or mental health treatment, rather to provide
the reader with insights into the workings of the mind and
the habitual development of un-useful habits, as well as
ways to change this within. This book is not meant to
replace any necessary treatment you may require to
achieve a balanced and healthy life. So, if you have serious
mental health or medical issues, it is recommended that you
seek and receive appropriate treatment from a qualified
physician or treatment provider. However, an individual,
who is currently receiving appropriate treatment for their
condition or diagnosis and is following through with
recommendations, may find benefit from the information
contained within this book.
The purpose of this book is to educate, inspire and
entertain. The author shall have neither liability nor
responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any
loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or
indirectly by the information contained in this book.

If you do not wish to be bound by the above, you may

return this book to the publisher for a full refund.
 Introduction

“The North is to South what the clock is to time

There’s east and there’s west and there’s everywhere
life
I know I was born and I know that I’ll die
The in between is mine
I am mine.”
- lyrics to I Am Mine
- Pearl Jam Riot Act Album, November 2002

Who is Terry Drake?

Who am I? This is an interesting and

important question, since it relates to how I got where
I am and if I know what I’m talking about. First, I
want you to know that my journey wasn’t always an
easy one. I, like several of you, have struggled with
my self-worth, with expressing myself, with my
personal relationships, with understanding what I
wanted, and how to change these things. I was able to
change and began creating the life I wanted. By
reading this book you will understand how I was able
to do this, but most importantly you will learn how
you too can change your life. I am going to teach you
step-by-step how to become happier and more
successful, however, before we begin your journey I
want to share some background on who I am.
To begin with, my name is Terry Michael
Drake, born January 12, 1975. I was born in
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania. I grew up in Tioga and
Potter County, PA. For those of you not familiar with
these 2 counties, they are very rural and beautiful
areas. However, being raised in a rural area, and the
fact that the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s were transition
periods in our society, I got to experience a different
 Introduction 14

set of rules for how a child like me was handled

growing up. This transition period was about how
children were treated and raised by their families and
communities.
Things like positive reinforcement weren’t
common knowledge and the predominant belief was
that negative reinforcement and fear were the best
ways to raise and educate children. Good discipline
was considered an “ass beating” or spanking,
depending on your family and children were
regularly paddled for negative school behaviors. We
can joke about this transition and comedians often do,
because over the years we have evolved to be who we
are and several still question if children should receive
corporal punishment, but all agree that positive
reinforcement and understanding strengths, as well as
using these strengths to help teach children, are
extremely important in shaping a child’s behaviors
and teaching them about life.
I am not here to talk about corporal
punishment. However, I can attest to how constant
negative reinforcement, the use of fear and “ass
beatings”/spankings aren’t effective for hyperactive,
sensitive children, who apparently aren’t learning
anything from these methods of discipline. As a child
I was easily bored and distracted. I chose to make
some interesting choices to entertain myself both at
home and school. These choices got me in regular
trouble and I developed an oppositional attitude,
regularly seeking negative attention from others.
A famous and true story in our family circle is
about the time my brother and I decided to throw a
dozen eggs at the fireplace in our living room. I don’t
really remember much of the details; we were quite
young, 5 to 7 maybe. I do know that the living room
 Introduction 15

was long and the fireplace was at one end, so I believe

we were pitching at it. Trust me; my parents were not
amused by what we did. In today’s world, I would
have been labeled ADHD or Aspergers, possibly being
prescribed a stimulant medication like Ritalin or
Adderral and an antidepressant. These probably
would have helped.
I can tell you that none of the consequences
deterred my behaviors and resulted in my
oppositional defiance towards authority, which didn’t
help. My combination of sensitivity, impulsivity,
constant negative reinforcement, and oppositional
behaviors, resulted in a roller coaster ride full of highs
and lows during my adolescence.
I was very angry during my adolescence and I
didn’t understand it. I turned this anger inwards,
resulting in bouts of depression and mood swings. I
had poor self-esteem. I discovered drugs and alcohol,
which helped me cope with social situations.
In late adolescence, between the ages of 17 and
18, I would attempt suicide 3 times. They were
attempts that were really cries for help; two times
overdosing on pills, one of which resulted in a trip to
the emergency room, and once purposefully wrecking
my car. I was lucky to make it out alive and to have
made it out without any serious legal troubles.
After high school I took a year off before I
started taking classes at a local community college.
That fall, 1994, I found out I was going to be a father.
This was a life changing event and resulted in my
growing up and maturing. Even though I became a
father and changed, I still struggled with anger and
depression.
My struggle resulted in continued difficulties
with my relationships and I always wanted something
 Introduction 16

better. I didn’t know what this something better was;

I knew I didn’t have it, but I wanted it. During the
next 5 years my battle would continue. I married my
daughter’s mother and we separated a year after. I
went on to graduate with my Bachelor in Social Work
degree, start another relationship, move away for a
year, then move back and begin graduate school.
I had always known that I wanted to help
other people, so I entered grad school and decided to
be a family therapist. I wanted to help break the cycle
of violence, anger, and depression within the family
system. During this time I was feeling better about
myself. However, I did continue to struggle with
depression and needed medication to deal with mood
swings and anxiety. I did much better during this 4
year period, but still wasn’t “happy” and did not
always make the best choices.
In the spring of 2003 I got a DUI and my life
took a downward spiral into abuse of painkillers and
cocaine for the next 2 years. During that period
another relationship ended, my career nearly
deteriorated, my role as a positive father figure
declined, and I am lucky to have made it through
alive.
The relationship that ended was an unhealthy
one, as I wasn’t happy with myself and made poor
choices, which affected this area as well. My
employment suffered, because I frequently cancelled
appointments, called in sick, and was in a bad place.
As a father, I became a horrible role model. I was
disinterested in the outside world; my life revolved
around drugs and regrets from my past.
This one time my daughter was in a
cheerleading program called mini-poms, which was
for elementary aged girls and the girls were
 Introduction 17

performing their routines during one of the varsity

boys home basketball games. I attended, but was so
paranoid from cocaine and needing to do more of it
that I left early and didn’t return. My mom and step-
dad were there too, yet I was so uncomfortable that I
didn’t stay for the whole game and missed the half-
time show. Now, I did see some of her routine and
genuinely felt bad about my behavior, but guess
what? I just did more drugs and wallowed in my self-
pity.
I had experimented with painkillers and other
drugs, but during this period it became a real problem
for me and nearly killed me a few times. I remember
on more than one occasion, after taking a cocktail of
painkillers and whatever else I could get my hands on,
having to force myself to throw up and knowing if I
didn’t I would die. Even after throwing up I
wondered if I was going to wake up the next day. I
hated my life. I tormented myself and didn’t care. I
didn’t think about or try suicide during this period of
my life, although I remember not wanting to be alive.
I would begin again, in the spring of 2005. I
had already started taking trainings in Neuro-
linguistic Programming (NLP) and I began developing
my new attitude and belief systems. Before this
rebuilding stage, I was still depressed and angry, as I
blamed others for my issues. I was like so many of
you who struggle: making poor choices, coping with
challenging or difficult experiences and refusing to get
past them, constantly striving for unrealistic
expectations, and looking for self-worth from others.
I would begin my current relationship and
employment, both of which have assisted me in my
growth and development. My wife is very supportive
and my current employment has given me the
 Introduction 18

opportunity to develop my leadership skills and to

grow as a professional.
I was able to make leaps and bounds in my
personal and professional lives as I re-evaluated my
self, learning from my past and seeking feedback for a
better present and future. I am currently pleased with
my present situation and am happy. I have a plan to
accomplish even more with my life, however am
patiently headed in that direction, enjoying everything
along the way.
As a professional I am a Licensed Social
Worker, National Board Certified Hypnotherapist,
and Certified Trainer of NLP and Ericksonian
Hypnotherapy. I am the Director of Community
Based Services for a non-profit social service agency,
which provides a variety of behavioral and mental
health services to children and families. I am also
developing a private practice, consulting, and
speaking/training business.
Personally, I am happily married with a three-
year-old daughter, a fourteen–year-old daughter,
fifteen-year-old step-daughter, and thirteen-year-old
step-son. I am very happy with my life and where I
am headed. Now, I still have my ups and downs, but
I have learned how to handle things that come my
way and make the best of them. I learn from
everything and have a healthy outlook on life. I have
used the principles outlined in this book and continue
to use them. It’s pretty easy for me now. However, I
still have to remind myself of the steps from time to
time and catch myself. In my quest for helping others
reach their true potential, I decided to offer my
formula for happiness and the steps I used to change
my life. It follows in this book.
 Introduction 19

How did I change?

I spent time and money learning to discover

the simple steps that I have outlined in this book for
you. This is okay. My plan was to learn and use my
knowledge to help others. I have developed my new
beliefs and positive attitude based on trainings and
studies in NLP, Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, and
various other concepts like the Law of Attraction, The
Sedona Method, and others that came my way
through my research.
One of the more significant experiences that I
had was a few years back when I went through the
Quit for Good™ program to quit smoking. This
program was taught to me and provided to me by Ron
Klien, my mentor and trainer in NLP and Ericksonian
Hypnosis. I was very successful and I have not had a
cigarette since then. However, most importantly, I feel
that this was the catalyst helping me become a doer.
Shortly after my experience with Ron, I began my
private practice and started developing the new found
confidence and attitude towards life that I now enjoy.
For you, I have taken what I consider the most
important aspects of my growth and broken them
down into 9 easy steps. I have done this so you too
can benefit from my experiences, research, and the
lessons that I have learned. Now, you too can live and
enjoy the life you want.

- Enjoy and best wishes.

Terry M. Drake, LSW, NBCCH

 Pre-step Stretch:

A few things you need to understand

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of

attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important
than facts. It is more important than the past, the
education, the money, than circumstances, than
failure, than successes, than what other people think
or say or do. It is more important than appearance,
giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…
a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have
a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will
embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a
certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The
only thing we can do is play on the one string we
have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life
is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to
it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our
attitudes.”
- Charles R. Swindoll b. 1934

The formula for Happiness

What is the formula for happiness? As if there

is a secret formula, which you could mix up a batch of
in the lab. Well, actually it isn’t even that complicated.
You don’t need the lab, you don’t need to mix any
solutions, and that wouldn’t result in real happiness.
As funny as this notion seems, our society has jumped
on board with this idea. You are told a medication
will help with all your problems. You are bombarded
with advertisements about how much better life
 Pre-step Stretch 22

would be with a cold beer or how you will be happy

once you buy that new car.
I can confidently tell you that without a change
in your beliefs you will not find true happiness.
Medications, relaxing moments, alcohol, and material
things can help you enjoy your life, but alone they will
never bring you true happiness. Permanent success
and happiness will only come from within and only
by making changes to the way you think about
yourself and others.

Now, there is a simple formula for happiness

and the best part about it is that it is already within
you. Not only is it within you, it is under your
control. It is also much easier than you think to lead a
happy and successful lifestyle. Most of you don’t
realize or fully understand this and that is okay. The
most interesting fact is that you already use the
 Pre-step Stretch 23

formula, you just don’t understand it yet and that

results in your continued unhappiness.

Beliefs
(Perception + Feedback+ Choice) = Happiness
Attitude

That is the formula for happiness. When it

equals unhappiness it is due to a negative attitude. A
negative attitude impacts your perception, then your
feedback reinforces your perception and the choices
you make. The results; a continued cycle and you
don’t understand it. When you have a negative
attitude it is impossible to enjoy anything or to be
truly successful.
Several people believe that simply changing
your attitude will result in your desired change.
However, it is slightly more complicated than that.
The reason most people fail when they just change
their attitude is due to a lack of understanding and the
various factors that affect your attitude. These
concepts and more are explained throughout this
book. This book will help you understand everything
you need to change your beliefs, attitude, and
perception. This book will also help you understand
and accept feedback so you can make healthy choices.

Useful vs. Un-useful Habits

Everyone wants to be happy and successful!

Those of you who struggle with this have most likely
made several attempts to change your attitude and
outlook on life. However, you continue to struggle.
The reason for this is the fact that your mind easily
slips back into the attitude and feelings associated
 Pre-step Stretch 24

with your unhappiness. It will until you train it

otherwise.
Your mind can only be consciously aware of 4-
7 things at any one time so it develops “habits” which
your unconscious mind uses to help you function
efficiently and effectively. These habits are both
useful and un-useful. An example of a useful habit is
when you approach a door, look at the handle and
know how to open it. You don’t have to consciously
think out the steps to open the door, because your
mind has developed useful habits for recognizing and
understanding this process. These habits, both useful
and un-useful, are in the form of internal
representations, based on images, thoughts and
feelings. This whole process frees up your conscious
awareness, so you can pay attention to other things.
Un-useful habits happen the same way. However, the
results are undesirable.
Un-useful habits are most prevalent in people
who have addictions or struggle in certain areas of
their lives. Take smokers, they have an internal
process that results in the need to light up a cigarette,
and if they resist, the result is an internal battle that
increases their tension and stress. This process is the
same for how your attitudes and beliefs, which guide
your behaviors and actions, are so quickly acted on.
Useful and un-useful beliefs operate automatically,
creating continued unhappiness.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.”
- Author unknown
 Pre-step Stretch 25

This means that when you are faced with your

day-to-day activities and situations, you will
automatically be in either a good mood with a positive
attitude or a bad mood with a negative attitude.
Then, as you encounter people and situations, you
will automatically respond based on your habitual
way of thinking and behaving. Not fully
understanding the process of automatic, habitual
thinking, results in unhappiness and mood swings
that you feel you have no control over.
Your habits in thinking have a life’s worth of
experience, which have confirmed that they are the
correct way to think and feel about yourself and those
around you. Regardless of how good or bad your
childhood experiences were, you grew up with both
useful and un-useful thinking habits. These habits
result in your continued struggles.
As you grew, your views about yourself and
others were continually reinforced and became beliefs.
Your beliefs are very strong and you use your past
and present experiences to confirm them. If you
believe that you aren’t good enough, then this message is
constant in your mind and will be true throughout
your life experiences. You will hold yourself back, set
yourself up for failure and view feedback in a manner
that reinforces your belief. Even when you find
success, you will wonder what is going to happen to
ruin the moment or how long before your luck runs
out.
 Pre-step Stretch 26

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is

not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it;
and this you have the power to revoke at any
moment.”
- Marcus Aurelius 121-180

Your Belief System

The most interesting fact about your belief

systems are that they developed during your
childhood. Before you even entered adolescence and
adulthood, your fears, concerns, and thoughts about
yourself and others were already formed. You
developed these by your interactions with the adults
and peers who were involved in your life.
An example of how an un-useful belief is
formed is as follows: A three-year-old child wants
attention from his father, so the child jumps on his
father’s lap and interrupts him. The father’s response
is, “Hey, what are you doing?” followed by “Not now
I am busy. Go bother your mom!” The child of three
then internalizes this experience and tells himself that
 Pre-step Stretch 27

he is not good enough for dad. Then between the ages

of 3 and 6 this message is reinforced by the father and
other adults. The message then becomes, I am not good
enough and should keep quiet. The boy begins to believe
this and live as if it were true, maybe forever, or until
he learns differently.
This, most likely, wasn’t the message that the
father wanted to pass onto his son. However, you
must remember it was a young child who was
processing the information. The messages you
received throughout childhood affected who you are
today. These messages were interpreted by you to
mean something and that meaning was solely based
on the self, because early in life it was all about you;
how you felt about a message, then how it related to
you, and finally how you fit into the world because of
the message. Whether the message had a positive
intention or was an act by an unhealthy adult taking
advantage of a child, the child’s perception was
internalized, processed, and the message shaped how
the child thought about himself and others.
“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as
you pass through them they prove to be many colored
lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each
shows you only what lies in its own focus.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882
A child doesn’t understand the concepts that
adults do, so he believes that, If dad won’t play with me,
then he doesn’t like me. Remember, this is three-year-
old logic. Once a child develops a message about his
experience and encounters additional events that he
believes reinforce it, then it becomes a belief. Over
time the memory of the experiences are lost, although,
the attitude and perception developed based on this
belief result in the feeling that you have no choice in
 Pre-step Stretch 28

the matter; it just is. Having negative beliefs result in

your continued unhappiness and inability to change.
Once you have your beliefs, they will shape
the choices you make and the chances you take. These
beliefs become quick messages that automatically play
in your mind when you think about making changes
or trying new things. When the messages are un-
useful they result in your being unsuccessful and
unhappy. You already live by the formula for
unhappiness; it is based on your experiences and is
tainted by your un-useful attitudes and beliefs.
Little Emileigh, my three-year-old daughter, is
able to verbalize her perception of the messages she
gets from others. She also acts pretty quickly on them,
too. If you think it’s hard to change your beliefs,
imagine trying to change a stubborn three-year-olds
belief and the resulting tantrum that may happen. My
wife and I feel fortunate that she does verbalize her
perception, because it gives us an opportunity to
clarify our intentions.
Here is an example: Emi is refusing to sit in her
car seat while we are driving down the highway.
Finally, in a stern voice I say, “Emileigh, you need to
sit in your seat. Right now!” She gets in her seat.
However, she begins to cry and says to her mom,
“Daddy said, Emileigh sit in you seat. Daddy hurt my
feelings and he thinks I am bad!” It breaks my heart
to hear these things, although it gives me a chance to
clarify. “Emileigh, Daddy is upset with you. He loves
you and wants you to be safe in the car.”
 Pre-step Stretch 29

Making sense of the formula

“It is never too late to have a happy childhood.”

- Tom Robbins b. 1936

To fully understand the formula for happiness,

you need to understand all the factors involved in the
equation. When you don’t understand the concepts
presented in this book it will make your attempts at
living a happy and successful life difficult if not
impossible. Once you understand the concepts, then
you will be ready to take control over your life and
learn from the lessons in this book.
Belief is a state in which you firmly think and
feel something to be true. Your beliefs can be thought
of as building blocks for your conscious thoughts and
actions. Most interesting is that your beliefs are
generally formed early in your life. Your beliefs are
not necessarily factual or could even be proven to be
true. Since this is the case, they don’t always make
sense. You hold your beliefs closely to who you are
and how you think about the world. Unless you
closely examine your beliefs, even though they don’t
always make sense, you will just accept them as true.
It is not until your beliefs create significant
problems for you that you even pay attention to them.
You don’t even realize you have certain beliefs.
However, they greatly influence your life and
everything you do, as they are the most important
aspect of who you are, this is because they shape your
life, your choices, and your attitudes.
The reason is simple: because you think they
are true you act as such. If you have un-useful,
negative beliefs about yourself and others, it will
result in a negative attitude, affecting your thoughts
and actions. This occurs instantly, which is why you
 Pre-step Stretch 30

aren’t fully aware that it happens. From time to time

it slips out in statements you make, such as “I could
never do that”; “I’m just not smart enough”; “If it
weren’t for bad luck then I’d have no luck at all,” as
well as other un-useful messages about who you are
and your abilities.
Your attitudes are judgments and they go hand
and hand with your emotions. Your attitudes are
emotional responses expressing your degree of
preference. When you have negative beliefs about
yourself and others, then your emotional response is
going to be predominately negative. You will have a
negative attitude, which will affect your thought
process, your actions, and your outlook on life.
Your attitude affects your perception,
feedback, and choices. Your attitude also drives your
behaviors and feelings. In order to feel and act happy,
then you need a positive attitude. Having a positive
attitude makes for a longer and happier life. It also
allows you to be more flexible and open to
possibilities.

“Your attitude toward life determines life’s attitude

towards you.”
- John N. Mitchell 1913-1988

Your perception is your awareness and

understanding of your world. It is a result of the
compilation of your past experiences, your beliefs, and
your interpretation of what you perceived. Your
perception is so strong that you don’t understand how
much control you have over it, like your attitude, it is
believed to just be what it is. Your perception is based
on how you experience the world, which is through
your 5 senses.
 Pre-step Stretch 31

What you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel is

how you perceive and make sense of your world.
Predominately, you use your sense of sight, smell, and
feeling the most. Any one of your 5 senses can trigger
certain memories or emotions. You have heard stories
or have your own of how certain things can trigger a
memory, like the smell of baking and the association
one makes to their grandmother, who loved to bake.

How you perceive and understand the world:

- What you see
- What you hear
- What you feel
- What you smell
- What you taste

Imagine walking down a city street past a

bakery. As you pass the bakery’s open door, the smell
of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies floats through
the air and you stop to breathe it in. Suddenly, you
are transported back to your grandmother’s kitchen,
where, as a young child, you often eagerly waited for
your grandmother’s fresh baked treats. You then
reflect back to what a wonderful woman your
grandmother was and a smile appears on your face.

“Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is

important to see distant things as if they were close
and to take a distanced view of close things.”
- Anonymous

Well, just as the 5 senses can trigger happy

memories, they can trigger unhappy ones. When you
have negative beliefs and attitudes towards life, your
memories are tainted and a happy memory like the
one described could just as easily be dramatic and
 Pre-step Stretch 32

upsetting. If you have a negative attitude towards

yourself and others, then your past, present, and
future experiences will be affected by this and result
in unhappy experiences.
Human beings are part of a constant feedback
loop, which you use to navigate through life.
Whenever you do something, such as interact with
another person, after you complete an action, what
takes place next is your feedback. How a person
responds to you and your actions will then determine
your next actions. This feedback loop occurs all the
time, whether you are working on a project alone or
with others, feedback must occur. Feedback is
affected by your attitude and perceptions, which in
turn affects the choices you have or believe you have.
Those who are unhappy or unsuccessful do
not understand the feedback process and instead use
it to reinforce their pre-established misconceptions
about themselves and others. If you think, nobody likes
me and I’m stupid, then your actions will reflect this.
This creates the feedback loop you live your life by
and since you don’t understand it, it serves to
reinforce your negative beliefs.

“I discovered I always have choices and

sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.”
- Anonymous

Choice is the presence of options and choosing

your mental process as you judge your options and
then decide your actions. This action can be thinking
and or it can be behaviors, usually a combination of
both. Having choices is generally a good thing.
However, when you don’t understand that you have
choices, then you have limited your options.
 Pre-step Stretch 33

You may truly think there is nothing you can

do about it. Even when you believe that you can do
something, you don’t fully understand the concepts
discussed in this book, so you end up with several “hit
and miss” attempts at happiness. This results in more
frustration and confusion, as some of you give up or
fail to learn from your “hits.”
When your results are inconsistent it is due to
a lack of understanding. This lack of understanding is
related to what was or needs to be done to
consistently accomplish your desired results. In order
for you to consistently get the results you want, then
you need to understand how you get them. This
book will help you understand the formula for success
and happiness as it translates into everything you do.
Then you will know how to consistently get the
results you want.
You now understand what beliefs, attitudes,
perceptions, feedback, and choices are. They are your
judgments and mental thought processes, which
create your understanding about yourself and the
world you live in. They are based on and influenced
by your 5 senses, past experiences and beliefs you
developed along the way. They are closely related
and one will affect the others, as well as affect the end
results.
However, your beliefs are the most important
aspect of the equation and the process. Healthy and
positive beliefs plugged into any scenario will result in
different results. Beliefs will affect your thinking,
attitude, and actions determining how feedback is
perceived. Most importantly is the simple fact that
you have control over all of these aspects, especially
your beliefs, once you understand them.
 Pre-step Stretch 34

You can choose to think positively and be open

to your experiences. When you choose to do this, then
you perceive things differently and enjoy them or at
least deal with them productively. You learn from
your feedback and modify accordingly so that you get
your desired results. You are also able to recognize
the choices you have available to you and choose
those which will best help you get the results you
want.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
- Sir Winston Churchill 1874-1965
On the bottom of this page and the next page are
some scenarios, about how attitude affects others.

Which one are you? And which one do you want to be?
Pre-step Stretch 35
 Pre-step Stretch 36

Summary

Since you now have a basic understanding of

how your beliefs, attitudes, perceptions, and feedback
are under your control and that you have a choice in
the matter, then this book will help you understand
how to live happily. You will better understand how
your beliefs are shaped, how they continue to be
reinforced, and how outside influences contribute to
your issues. You will learn the various traps that one
can fall into, as well as solutions to avoid these to
develop consistent, healthy, and positive beliefs.
Once this is established you can then learn that
feedback is everywhere, how you can learn from it,
and how you use it to your advantage. The feedback
you receive from your interactions with others and
yourself is very important. It will help you achieve
success and keep you moving in the right direction. It
will also allow you to be happy with your efforts,
regardless of the initial results.
You have heard that the choice is yours and
that it is up to you. Well it is! However, if you don’t
fully understand this, then how can you benefit from
it? You can’t. This book will help you understand the
control that you have and open your mind to the
choices you have.
This book will help you change your life, but it
is not meant to take the place of other help you might
need. It can be a stand alone method for changing
your life or it may need to be used as an adjunct to
other methods. Some people need the help of
counselors or life coaches to reach their true potential.
Some need medications to stabilize a chemical
imbalance in their brain, which, if unaddressed, may
prevent happiness. Make sure you take care of what
you need to and enjoy your life to the fullest.
 Pre-step Stretch 37

Finally, this book will encourage and motivate

you to take action. To create the happiness and
success you desire you are going to have to take
action, you will understand how to do this and how to
develop the skills necessary for consistent success. By
the final chapters you will understand all that you
need to, to create the life you want and the final step
will require you to take action and create it. You
made the choice to be happy and successful, which
resulted in the action it took to buy this book. Now,
your next action is to read the book and finally
implement the strategies in the book to create the
success you desire.

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult

days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to
follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to
warm your heart, hugs when your spirit sags, beauty
for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your
being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for
when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience
to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
- Author unknown
 Pre-step Stretch 38

The Chihuahua and the Leopard

A lady takes her pet Chihuahua with her on a safari
holiday. Wandering too far one day the Chihuahua
gets lost in the bush, and soon encounters a very
hungry looking leopard. The Chihuahua realizes he's
in trouble, but, noticing some fresh bones on the
ground, he settles down to chew on them, with his
back to the big cat. As the leopard is about to leap, the
Chihuahua smacks his lips and exclaims loudly, "Boy,
that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are
any more around here."

The leopard stops mid-stride, and slinks away into the

trees.

"Phew," says the leopard, "that was close - that evil

little dog nearly had me."

A monkey nearby sees everything and thinks he'll win

a favor by putting the stupid leopard straight. The
Chihuahua sees the monkey go after the leopard, and
guesses he might be up to no good.

When the leopard hears the monkey's story he feels

angry at being made a fool, and offers the monkey a
ride back to see him exact his revenge.

The little dog sees them approaching and fears the

worse. Thinking quickly, the little dog turns his back,
pretends not to notice them, and when the pair is
within earshot says aloud, "Now where's that monkey
got to? I sent him ages ago to bring me another
leopard..."
- Author unknown
Pre-step Stretch 39
Pre-step Stretch 40