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<i>( theme music playing )</i>

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Fundamentally,
the Families First bill

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will help our
most vulnerable kids,

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like the little boy
in Seattle who asked Santa

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to teach him how to read
for Christmas.

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How did he write the note?

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Or the little girl
down in Pine Hill, Alabama.

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She's HIV positive
via breast milk,

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but who still dreams
of becoming a ballerina.

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Well, they do need to stay thin.

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- Selina: <i>And why shouldn't they?</i>
- What? They do.

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We want to give all kids
a reason to dance, you know?

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- Dan: <i>Sir.</i>
- Ben:<i> Yes?</i>

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- The HIV girl.
- Yes?

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The one that the president
mentioned in the CBS interview.

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- Yes?
- All right, well, some people on Reddit

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put the details together, now the
whole town knows who she is.

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Fuck!

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I preferred the Internet
when it was just AltaVista

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and that little Star Wars kid.

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- Did we definitely out this girl?
- Yeah.

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- Shit.
- Only her doctor and her principal knew.

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Now parents are keeping
their kids home from school

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'cause they don't want them
to, quote, "catch AIDS."

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Well, there's a town
with no Gay Pride parade

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or a goddamn library.

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Where did this data come from? How
did we get her medical records?

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And why didn't we ask
her parents' permission?

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Oh, thank you, Question Man.

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You just saved the entire city.
Or did you?

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This is catching fire
like a gas station

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- in a Michael Bay movie.
- Yeah.

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- What's our line here?
- Do we tell the president?

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- No.
- No?

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No, she's gonna panic.

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We got to find out
more facts, all right?

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- Bozos, disassemble.
- All right.
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I always feel like the ruching on this
one really accentuates your figure.

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Okay, you're right.
Let's go with that.

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Okay, I'll have the valet
lay this out for you.

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- No, you can do it.
- Oh. ( laughs )

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- Reminds me of an easier time, you know?
- Right.

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- ( chuckles ) - Or a time whose
problems I've suppressed.

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Right.

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Oh, there's my favorite
slice of fun.

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Look at this.

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What is this?

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Catherine, you are smoking?

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I'm vaping.
That's not the point.

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This has been
happening every week.

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My private life
should be off-limits.

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I see that you
are still seeing Jason.

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He photographs well for his age.

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Ma'am, the Apple Growers
Association

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would like to name a new
brand of apple after you.

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Is it a good apple?

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- It's a baking apple.
- Fuck 'em.

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Oh, and Bill Ericsson wants to see you
before you leave about Catherine.

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- The smoking photograph.
- Vaping.

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Actually, there is a
Photoshopped image in the "Post"

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of what you and Catherine might look
like if you had eight years in power.

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Oh, my God, I look like Grandpa.
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What?
( gasps )

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<i>What did they do to my nose?</i>

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- Mom, what about me?
- Huh?

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Yeah, I know.
This is so disrespectful.

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Where is Mike? Is he
still doing his gaggle?

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- Yes, he's gaggling, ma'am.
- All right.

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Will the president be commenting

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on this breaking story
about little Jennifer Graham?

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Uh, yes.

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We will very soon have
a statement on that.

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Reporter:<i> The White House released
the girl's private information.</i>

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Where did this confidential
data come from?

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I know that the president
confirmed that she does have HIV.

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And... the girl,
that is, has HIV.

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But the provenance of that
data has yet to be determined.

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- Ma'am, Mike is just... - Yeah, I
know, he's fluffing the hacks.

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- Ma'am, this isn't a good time.
- Hi, everybody.

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Is Mike sharing his
donut holes with y'all?

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( laughing )

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And, Lyle, I hope
that you're gonna bring

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your daughter
to the Easter egg roll.

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Oh, thank you for remembering
I have a daughter, ma'am.

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Oh, of course, yeah.

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- And also my name.
- Yes.

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- It's Lyle.
- It's Lyle and it's my pleasure.

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Hey, you know,
speaking of daughters,

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I just wanted
to mention Catherine.

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<i>I know that she's
the First Daughter,</i>

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but I would be very
grateful if you guys

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would just give her a little bit
of space in her private life.

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I mean, you know,
I'm the rock star.

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- She's not the rock star.
- ( laughing )

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So, thanks, I appreciate it.
Great to see everybody.

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With respect, ma'am, do you
think those same privacies

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should be given to an
eight-year-old girl with HIV?

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Um, well...

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HIV is a terrible burden
100
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and I'm very happy to be helping
families who are affected by it.

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That is off the record.

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Bill: Okay, this
briefing is over.

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Nice to see you guys. I'll see
you at the Easter egg roll.

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- My... my friend, yes.
- <i>Lyle.</i>

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What the hell?

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Where did HIV come from?

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I think some guy
fucked a monkey.

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Jesus Christ!

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Why didn't you warn me
about that, Mike?

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Ma'am, I tried to
right when you came in.

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- No, you didn't.
- You're right, I didn't.

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- I should have.
- That's right.

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- You were right, ma'am.
- Yeah, no, you didn't warn me at all.

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What the fuck is happening?

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It's a data breach.

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Medical, Social Security
records were hacked

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by someone working for us and then put
into the Families First press pack.

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That's not just a breach.
That's a data rupture.

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All of these words
are meaningless to me.

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Here's what we're gonna do.
It's an outrageous idea.

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Let's find the person who's
responsible and let's fire them.

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Ma'am, there's so much data
fluidity on this project,

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the culprit will be
hard to pin down.

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Well, the press doesn't
need<i> the</i> culprit.

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The press needs <i>a</i> culprit.

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You know, there are
hordes of young women

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who roam the halls
of the West Wing.

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- Yes? - 15% of them
were hired to be fired.

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Yeah. We call them
the Expendabelles.

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- ( laughs )
- That's not funny, boys.

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- No.
- Okay, Dan, go sacrifice a virgin.

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Just another Saturday night.

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- That's not funny, Amy.
- What? Why not?

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Hey, Egan, is somebody gonna
get fired over this AIDSnami?

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Oh, yeah.
And I'm in charge

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of the canning, Jonah.
I'm the Dan who can.
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Okay, well, I was only involved in the
Families First bill via you, so...

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What about your side dick here?
You tell him stuff?

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Oh, God, yes. He was more
involved than I was.

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He was up to his thighs in it.

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I don't think I was, sir.

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How's the view from
down there, you snake?

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- It's harsh.
- Oh, harsh? We need to be a unified front.

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Uh, what are you guys
doing right now?

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We're working on the veep's
walk-on music for tonight.

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- The Police. - Law and order
mixed with very mild reggae.

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It's like a comforting balance.

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Hey, Jonah, how would you like to
be a little more involved tonight?

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Supervise the balloons,
the streamers, the fireworks?

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- All right.
- Yeah?

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You know I got an eye for that.

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That's why I'm such
a good photographer.

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- Absolutely. Yeah.
- And I love fireworks.

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The noise, the lights.

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Mostly those aspects.

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All right, look, I'm gonna
text you about this later.

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Right now I've gotta go. This
goat's not gonna scape itself.

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I feel persecuted.

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I'm just waiting for the press
to throw me in a pond

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to see if I'll float.

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Honeymoon's over, isn't it?

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It was kind of
a shitty honeymoon, too.

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Just like my actual
honeymoon with Daddy.

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I know, Mom.

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"The Onion" did a parody
of that photo in the "Post."

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Oh, really?
I like "The Onion."

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What you'll look like
when you're leaving office,

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except you look
exactly like you do now.

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Okay.

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They think you'll only be
president for a few months.

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- That's the joke.
- No, no, I get it, yeah.

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That's funny.
That's funny stuff.

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Man on TV: <i>My girl's
had her life ruined.</i>

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How did the president find out
about her information?

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This thing has gotten
way too big.

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It's like my mom's cat.

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The president is just
trying to help children.

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I don't understand why everyone keeps
focusing on the negative, you know?

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Maybe because, Gary,
we ruined a girl's life.

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Negative, negative, negative.

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Mike, the National Parents Group

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cut the cord on supporting Families
First at next week's press event.

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Great, now parents hate us.

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Oh, God, welcome
to my childhood.

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And adulthood, actually.

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We need to shut the story down.

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I'm aware of that.
Thank you, Sue.

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Well, why haven't
you shut it down?

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<i>If you see a fire,
do you look at the fire</i>

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and put it out or do you
just say, "I'm aware of it"?

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Sue cannot tell me
how to do my job.

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She just did.

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Richard:
<i>Oh, I bet this baby</i>

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could sure spill a lot
of glitter, am I right?

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Put it down.

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That thing goes off
in your face,

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the surgeon will be
tweezering tiny shamrocks

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00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,478
out of your eye jelly
for a week.

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00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,812
Hello, sir.
Jonah Ryan.

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00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,481
Now, I cannot tell you
who we represent,

201
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but let's just go so far as to say
that my boss is a powerful guy,

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and his boss, I cannot
stress her power...

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I get it.
He's VP Doyle,

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she's temporary President Meyer.

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You think confetti
and a disco ball's

206
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gonna keep those clowns
in the White House?

207
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:18,563
Well, sir, if you would like us
to take our business elsewhere...

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Grow up, huh?
I do anyone.

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00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:24,002
I did balloons for
Jerry Ford in '76.

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Met him.
Asshole.

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So what can you organize for us?
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00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,775
- There's the Presidential.
- Oh, that sounds perfect.

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That's bottom of the range.
You don't want that.

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I just named it Presidential
because of that asshole Ford.

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We've been told
to really go to town.

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Well, then you want
the Star-Spangled Banger.

217
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,555
Or Red, White,
and Whoo-hoo.

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Now, will we have some sort of
creative control over the music?

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I don't give a shit, son.
I still get paid.

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Let me show you what we got.

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- There she is.
- Hey.

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00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,772
- Hey, I'm excited.
- Okay. Good.

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00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:01,873
I'll warm them up for you.
224
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,275
Question is, how hot
do you want them?

225
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,810
- Red hot.
- Gonna do the snail joke, right?

226
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,013
That's your trademark joke.
Signature joke.

227
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,749
Yeah, you don't have
to do the snail joke.

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It's so funny.

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Uh, Andrew, listen.
Let me ask you something.

230
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Do you think this HIV girl
thing is killing us or what?

231
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,556
No, no, no.
You're gonna be fine.

232
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Look, the news moves so quickly,
we'll have a new iPhone

233
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:25,030
or the Chinese
will be in Chicago.

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00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:30,902
- Amy, can I talk to you a sec?
- Sure.

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Doyle's using "Every Breath You
Take" for his walk-on music.
236
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,708
He loves that song. He got
married to it both times.

237
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,677
Every line ends with
"I'll be watching you."

238
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,011
Sting might as well be singing

239
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:44,583
"I'll access your medical data"
in a fake Jamaican accent.

240
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,920
You having fun?

241
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:49,888
Yes, ma'am.

242
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,090
- But also working hard.
- Mm-hmm.

243
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,859
- Thank you for asking.
- It's Chloe?

244
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,661
- It's Ellie.
- Lee.

245
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:57,929
- Lee.
- Lee?

246
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,731
- Lee.
- Ah.

247
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:00,865
You can't change the music.

248
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,701
It's all cued up
with the light show.

249
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,369
Fuck the light show,
Jonah, okay?

250
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,638
He's the vice president,
not the new Lexus.

251
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,006
- Fuck the light show?
- Yeah, fuck it.

252
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:11,209
Be careful, Mr. Ryan. It burns your hand
even through the corrugated sleeve.

253
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,178
- Can you do this?
- Is there a way to change

254
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,380
Doyle's music without
screwing up the lights?

255
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,648
- Oh, absolutely.
- Great.

256
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,284
Well, I'm not sure, but
positivity is the first step.

257
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,719
- Love it.
- Change it to what?

258
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,387
- Doesn't matter.
- I honestly have no idea.

259
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,688
What do you have on your phone?

260
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,023
Well, it's mostly
self-help audio books

261
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,959
and relaxation tapes.
I'm quite an anxious man.

262
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,195
<i>Oh, you know what?
I've got movie themes.</i>

263
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,696
I'll cue
"Eye of the Tiger."

264
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:34,899
Okay, guys, guys.
"Eye of the Tiger"?

265
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,103
Any controversial
lyrics in that?

266
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,305
- It's good. It's good.
- Do it. Do it.

267
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,942
Man:<i> Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice
President of the United States.</i>

268
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:47,746
- <i>( "Every Breath You Take" playing )</i>
- What the fuck?

269
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,014
- Richard:<i> Uh-oh.</i>
- What?

270
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,181
I don't know what's happened.

271
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,716
You know, I usually use a Mac,

272
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,284
so this is Windows 8's
fault if anybody's.
273
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:57,055
<i>¶ Every bond you break,
every step you take... ¶</i>

274
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,289
You know, the great Mark Twain,

275
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,192
one of my dream
dinner party guests

276
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,162
- in actual fact...
- <i>( crowd laughs )</i>

277
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,897
once said that...

278
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,299
Screwed over by the Police.

279
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,300
I'm Rodney fucking King.

280
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,302
Another blunder to
undermine my campaign.

281
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,272
It's not a blunder. It was
an unfortunate mistake.

282
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,908
Yes, the definition
of a blunder, so...

283
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,744
- Right.
- Nobody listens to the words anyways.

284
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,046
You know?
I just dance.

285
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,749
Twitter has it. ♪EveryLittleThing-
SheDoeslsTragic.

286
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:29,120
Doyle:<i> So without further delay,
please welcome onto this stage...</i>

287
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,321
Go get 'em.

288
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,190
The President
of the United States.

289
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:36,294
- <i>( applause )</i> -<i> ( "Hail
to the Chief" playing )</i>

290
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,330
They loved it, ma'am.
You were like a rock star.

291
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,133
Not Sting. Kurt Cobain.
Well, not him.

292
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,936
It was my rally, okay?
My supporters, of course.

293
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,472
It's like getting a valentine
from your own mom, you know?

294
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:50,041
Ma'am, we're losing
micro-donors.

295
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,342
We'll be down
to nano-donors.

296
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,211
What do you mean,
we're losing micro-donors?

297
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,013
- We can't. That's our backbone.
- Yes.

298
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,915
They want to be removed
from our database.

299
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,383
They don't want us
having their personal data.

300
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,051
Reporter: <i>Madam President!
Madam President!</i>

301
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,986
<i>When are you gonna make a
statement about Jennifer Graham?</i>

302
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:05,356
It's vital that these small-time
nobodies realize we respect them, okay?

303
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:08,993
Reporter ♪2: <i>Jennifer Graham's
aunt says only an unfit mother</i>

304
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,129
<i>would be immune
to her niece's suffering.</i>

305
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,031
Okay, I'm gonna have
to answer that, all right?

306
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,866
I'm gonna make
a statement on camera.

307
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,367
Do you think that's
the best move, ma'am?

308
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,970
The thing I just said
that I should do?

309
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,139
Do I think it's the
thing I should do?

310
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,142
Is that your question, Mike?

311
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:27,078
We've decided to make
a quick statement.

312
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,348
Um, I just want to simply say

313
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,218
that I had no knowledge
of this data breach.

314
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,888
But as president,
I take full responsibility

315
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,323
because that's part of the job.

316
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,925
<i>( fireworks exploding )</i>

317
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,862
I'm going to find out
who's responsible

318
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,064
and why it happened
and how it happened.

319
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:50,802
And lastly, I want to extend my
apologies to Jennifer Graham

320
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,439
- and her entire fam...
- <i>( fireworks exploding )</i>

321
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:58,409
If that happened, it would be hugely
damaging and enormously problematic.
322
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,278
- Hi, Madam President.
- Hi.

323
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,447
- Ma'am, got us a scapegoat.
- Oh.

324
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,549
Girl in the writers' room
for the joint sessions speech.

325
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:08,486
She was also at the rally tonight.
Sci-fi Sally something.

326
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,854
- Ellie?
- Chloe.

327
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:10,889
- Marie.
- Claire.

328
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,056
- It's Lee.
- Gary is right,

329
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,259
her name is Lee
and she is a fine staffer.

330
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:17,295
Great on close reading
and policy analysis.

331
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,531
I see splashes of myself in her.

332
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,799
I now regret that phrase.

333
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:24,435
Ma'am, the American Family Group
is pulling their support.
334
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,837
- What?
- <i>Yeah.</i>

335
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,372
Where did you get that from?

336
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,573
- An anonymous source.
- Shit.

337
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,943
Who's my sister-in-law who works
for the American Family Group.

338
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,378
- Okay, Dan.
- Yeah.

339
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,445
Go fire Lee.

340
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,814
Mike, announce
a head is rolling.

341
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:39,818
Okay, Ben, Amy, go fix
this fireworks shit.

342
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,053
- Gary, I need an energy bar.
- Yeah.

343
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,121
- No, apple.
- Hmm.

344
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,589
- No, fuck it, cheese.
- Oh.

345
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:48,326
- Uh, ma'am... - Look, Kent, I'm
sorry, but Chloe's got to go.

346
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,994
- It's not Chloe, it's Lee.
- Okay.

347
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,997
- And anyway, it's not Lee, it's Catherine.
- What?

348
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:57,068
She wants to work with
an anti-bullying charity.

349
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,002
What, is she nuts?

350
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,239
I mean, it's gonna make it look like
she thinks her mom bullied her.

351
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:05,210
Well, I think she's calculating that
this will make her more likable.

352
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,178
Not with me, it fucking won't.

353
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,013
Ma'am, cheese is on its way.

354
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,216
Here's an interim banana.

355
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:15,954
It doesn't even work.

356
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,356
- So do I leave tomorrow?
- You leave now.

357
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:22,493
Unless you're on a tour, you will
not be at the White House tomorrow.

358
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,562
What if I cried?

359
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,130
Like the women do in movies?

360
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,498
Wouldn't work.
You're talking to a guy

361
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,636
who once broke off an engagement at
an Applebee's, then ordered dessert.

362
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,975
May I have your pass?

363
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:42,180
It was a pleasure
working with you... Lee.

364
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:49,254
Reporter: <i>With more revelations in
the Medileaks scandal emerging,</i>

365
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,256
<i>who knew?
Was there a cover-up?</i>

366
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:54,559
And if so, how far up the
chain of command did it go?

367
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,028
Ugh, it's working its way
up my chain of command.

368
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,196
I think it's reached
my pancreas.

369
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:01,065
Private medical details
released by the White House

370
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,368
have now identified
five more children...

371
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,537
Fitting that for Easter this
story refuses to fucking die.

372
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:10,174
Is there no other news? Whatever
happened to Ebola? I loved Ebola.

373
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:12,443
So we threw someone
off the life raft.

374
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,245
Did no one think
to tell the sharks?

375
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,548
Ma'am, I don't think
the girl was senior enough.

376
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,651
We need to cut the throat
of a bigger goat.

377
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,986
So who's next
for the guillotine?

378
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,354
- Uh, Jonah Ryan.
- Jonah?

379
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,624
Yes, ma'am. I've been fattening
him up for just this occasion.

380
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,226
- What?
- I got him a staff.

381
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,661
And I got him involved
in Families First.

382
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,129
I even got him on the campaign.

383
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,498
He's the one who did the fireworks
and the music for last night.

384
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,666
That was him?
Off with his fat head.

385
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,668
I can easily link him to the
whole data breach thing.

386
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,670
- It's like he has no sense of
what's going on. - Excuse me.

387
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,605
Did you know that Dan was
in the middle of speaking?

388
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,706
- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

389
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,242
And plus he's got that
whole inherently guilty look.

390
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:47,278
You know, that kind of
surprised masturbator face.

391
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,213
- The...
- Yeah, he does.

392
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:52,984
Do it. Get rid of him.
Throw him under a bus.

393
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,987
If you can find one
that's long enough.

394
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,358
Hey, Egan, VP wants
to see the P.

395
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,126
He thinks a bigger head
needs to roll, okay?

396
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,029
Like a massive
Easter Island-sized head.

397
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,731
- Hmm.
- No. No.

398
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,399
Look at me,
I've got a small head.

399
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,468
I could wear a child's hat.

400
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,536
Besides...

401
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,138
I know about you spreading the
Danny Chung torture rumor.

402
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,974
Well, that's useless
leverage right now, Jonah,

403
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,275
because you have all
the credibility of someone

404
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,044
who hacked the medical
records of a sick child.

405
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,479
- No...
- Hey, "I Am Groot,"

406
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,381
stop swapping spit here
with "Pretty Woman"

407
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,582
and get me Brock and Hunter.

408
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,617
Absolutely. Sorry, I was just
on my way to go do that.

409
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,220
It's an important meeting, okay?
It's seminal.

410
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,655
( laughs )
Oh, hey.

411
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,156
You already did this great joke.

412
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,558
Damn, man, this guy's
balls are so big,

413
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,427
they're practically tits.
Huh? Johnny Tit-balls.

414
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,364
Yeah, don't squeeze
the milkers too much.

415
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,531
( laughs )

416
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:44,535
Milkers.
Love it.

417
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,505
You were firing me?

418
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,639
What the hell was that?

419
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,141
Nothing.
It's just jock stuff.

420
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,709
You know, just guys having fun.

421
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,578
That isn't, Jonah.
That's sexual harassment.

422
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,314
Jesus, does he do that
to you all the time?

423
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,549
No, not all the time.

424
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,119
Sometimes, but not all the time.

425
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,120
It's just high spirits.

426
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,088
Mr. Ryan, so they were
out of tuna melts,

427
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:07,625
so I improvised and I got you
this lobster curry roll.

428
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,093
All right, look, zip it, Jeeves.

429
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,595
I'm in the middle
of firing your boss.

430
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,663
Wow, over the campaign
data thing?

431
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,666
- The what?
- The I Care mailer.

432
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:16,634
All right, no?

433
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,436
I'm picking up from your facial
cues that you don't know.

434
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,572
Here's four verbal cues for
you... "Tell me now, asshole."

435
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:27,211
Well, that mailer was deliberately
directed at recently bereaved parents.

436
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,046
Bereaved parents?

437
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,448
Yeah, someone from the campaign
used the child mortality data

438
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,384
from the same data breach
that identified the HIV girl.

439
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,585
Okay, Yogi and Boo-Boo,

440
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,788
you say nothing to anybody.
You understand me?

441
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:40,792
- Yes. - Well, obviously you don't,
'cause you just fucking spoke.

442
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:41,726
- Oh.
- Shit!

443
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,595
Amy, the gates of hell have
opened and you are my plus one.

444
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,564
You cannot be associated
with bullying

445
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,435
because people are going to think
that you were bullied by me.

446
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,704
I wasn't bullied by you,
I was bullied because of you.

447
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,373
Did you want me to leave?

448
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,307
- No, no.
- Yes.

449
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,675
No, you weren't, sweetheart.

450
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,710
Yes, I was and it was miserable.

451
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:03,181
Well, I apologize
for my success, Catherine.

452
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,117
I had no idea
until this very moment

453
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:10,488
that you had a tortured,
unhappy, miserable upbringing.

454
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,157
You're gonna have to drop the
bullying thing, though, honey.

455
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:15,626
No, I'm not gonna drop it.

456
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,832
Do you want to go
to Hawaii at Thanksgiving?

457
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:23,334
Are you interested in
Memaw's sapphire earrings?
458
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:28,406
Are you bullying me into dropping
an anti-bullying charity?

459
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,841
Gary, am I?

460
00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:30,875
You're parenting.

461
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,277
Yeah, well, too, I might add.

462
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,480
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
- Amy: We'll explain later.

463
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,781
No, we won't.
We'll never explain.

464
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,717
Ma'am, Catherine needs to leave.

465
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,586
Okay, Catherine, up, out.

466
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,854
For fuck's sake.

467
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,655
All right, that's enough
with the F words.

468
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:48,526
Thank you very much. I
apologize for her behav...

469
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,660
What is it?

470
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,295
I can't tell you.

471
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,364
Well, great meeting,
then, thanks.

472
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,399
Ma'am, if we tell you,
you'll know,

473
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:58,903
and if you know,
you'll be implicated.

474
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,406
Well, then,
why don't you tell me

475
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:07,378
and I'll decide
whether or not I know it?

476
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,681
Ma'am, a direct mail
campaign went out last month

477
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,550
with pictures of you
with babies and children.

478
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,352
Yeah, it was a huge success.

479
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,687
Ma'am, it targeted
recently bereaved parents

480
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,457
using stolen government data.

481
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,829
Well...

482
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,931
that's a federal crime.

483
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,533
- Yes.
- Yes, it is.
484
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,734
You could go to jail.

485
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,869
Yes, ma'am, we could go to jail.

486
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:35,540
Yeah,<i> you</i> could go to jail.

487
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,443
( sighs )
Wow.

488
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,316
We're fucked?
Is that what this is?

489
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,418
"I'm afraid it's spread
to the liver" fucked?

490
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,355
Ma'am, we think it was a student volunteer
with a pal at HHS, but he's gone now.

491
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:55,193
If we can just hold our nerve and
maintain a bunker mentality...

492
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,261
Don't give me that bunker shit.

493
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,496
Hitler went into a bunker.

494
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,799
When he came out, he wasn't
chancellor anymore, was he?

495
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:02,833
Plus he was dead.

496
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,869
I'll tell you something,
if he were alive right now,
497
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,940
he'd be very anxious to distance
himself from me at this moment.

498
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:10,875
We need to keep this
within these four...

499
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,310
Or this one curved wall.

500
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:15,880
We need to stop the press dead so
they don't dig into this any further.

501
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,582
And that means
a major resignation.

502
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:22,920
A face. Although, if you operate
last in, first out, I'm screwed.

503
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,757
Ma'am, I have a proposal I
need to speak with you about.

504
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,460
Okay, fine.
Amy, Ben, you stay.

505
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,862
Everybody else, just get out.

506
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:33,864
( sighs )

507
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,833
I need to be the one to go.

508
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,902
You? No, no.
Uh-uh.

509
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:38,836
Yes, Madam President.
510
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:42,373
This is a head-on collision
and I'm your biggest air bag.

511
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,743
Okay, so we need to issue a positive
statement about the HIV girl.

512
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,911
Not positive.
Wrong word.

513
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:51,515
Mike, did I see you smiling when
it was suggested I might be fired?

514
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,718
Me? No.
I... I wasn't smiling.

515
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,621
I was stretching my lips
because I have very dry lips,

516
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,723
and my doctor said, "You
should probably stretch them."

517
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,658
So I was following
medical advice. Like...

518
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,794
- Like that.
- That's what you're going with?

519
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,864
Wow. Listen, you ever
play poker, I want in,

520
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,599
'cause you are
one terrible liar.

521
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,670
And that's sad 'cause
that's your whole job.

522
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:20,311
Why are you using
the urinal next to me?

523
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:23,447
- You leave a gap.
- I've already started.

524
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,449
The little one
gives me splash-back.

525
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:29,854
Still, you leave a gap.
We're not piss buddies.

526
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:33,391
Damn, that's some kind
of prostate control.

527
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:34,625
Treasure it, my friend.

528
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:39,397
So, you want to know if the president
told me who she's firing, right?

529
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,732
- Yeah.
- It's me.

530
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:45,369
You don't tell anyone until
she's made an announcement.

531
00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:47,338
- You got it?
- Yeah, not a word.

532
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:51,642
You swear by everything you hold
dear in your hand right now?

533
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,344
I do.
534
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:54,345
I swear on King Danny.

535
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,548
This is an Easter egg roll and I
just see baskets with no eggs.

536
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,650
Gary, front row
for the story reading

537
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,519
needs to be the children
with the strongest bladders.

538
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,487
- I don't even know what that means.
- Mike: Guys.

539
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,456
- Oh, thank God.
- Why am I carrying eggs, huh?

540
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,658
- I'm up to my eyeballs in HIV.
- No, no, don't give them to me.

541
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:11,962
There's a six-foot bunny out there
with 30 spoons. You can't miss him.

542
00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:19,437
- It's Ben.
- No way.

543
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:22,406
No, who's getting fired, Mike.

544
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:23,407
- What?
- Yeah.

545
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:26,043
Girl:
<i>I found another one.</i>
546
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:27,912
Well, thank you
for your service, Greg.

547
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:30,047
Very happy to have one of
my Marines in costume.

548
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,817
- You're welcome, ma'am.
- Actually, I'm really glad you're here.

549
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,753
These kids terrify me.
( laughs )

550
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:37,355
But I guess you've seen worse.

551
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,657
You did two tours
of Afghanistan?

552
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:42,693
Yes, ma'am. I saw my best
buddy die over there.

553
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:46,030
Blown to pieces by an IED.

554
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,834
Mr. Egan.
You have a moment?

555
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:52,636
- Sure.
- Ben: Yeah, I'll call you back.

556
00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:55,072
- Hey, Dan.
- I thought you resigned.

557
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:57,108
I guess the president
changed her mind.

558
00:22:57,110 --> 00:22:59,076
It's a fickle world, my friend,

559
00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:01,612
and you've just been fickled.

560
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:06,517
No. No, this is not...
This is not real.

561
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:07,818
You're right, Dan.
It's a dream.

562
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,120
And me and Kent
are about to turn into

563
00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:11,389
two horny cheerleaders
and start making out.

564
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:14,725
So am I fired? Please, Ben,
don't say that I'm fired.

565
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,460
- You're not fired.
- Oh, thank fuck for that.

566
00:23:16,462 --> 00:23:18,796
- Because you've just resigned.
- It's a perfect fit.

567
00:23:18,798 --> 00:23:20,598
Worked on
the Families First bill

568
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,901
and handsome,
therefore guilty-looking.

569
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,469
No, no. No.

570
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:28,406
I know about the targeting
of bereaved families

571
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:29,740
and the use of federal data.

572
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,610
You listen to me, you little
fucking turd's assistant.

573
00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:34,512
You don't threaten
this administration

574
00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:36,781
because we will
fucking destroy you.

575
00:23:36,783 --> 00:23:38,549
We'll skin you like a squirrel,

576
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:40,151
clean you out like
a dirty fucking chimney,

577
00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:42,987
and wear you like a glove
puppet with my fingers

578
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:47,525
sticking out of your
dead fucking eyeballs.

579
00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:50,161
I cannot endorse that message,

580
00:23:50,163 --> 00:23:52,563
but I do acknowledge it.

581
00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:53,497
Come inside.

582
00:23:53,499 --> 00:23:56,200
- ( applause )
- Hi, boys and girls.

583
00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:59,503
Now, once upon a time,

584
00:23:59,505 --> 00:24:02,106
there were three little pigs

585
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:05,042
with their mom,
who was an old sow.

586
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:09,680
And she sent them out
to seek their fortune.

587
00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:11,649
Yeah, you know what?
I, uh...

588
00:24:11,651 --> 00:24:16,987
I think I'm gonna need a bigger
title before I agree to resign.

589
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:19,924
How about Captain Loser?

590
00:24:19,926 --> 00:24:22,159
Or Big Chief Skidmark?

591
00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,595
And the president will be
making another apology

592
00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:26,197
personally to the family
of Jennifer Graham.

593
00:24:26,199 --> 00:24:30,034
She is a young girl who did not ask
to become a national debating point.

594
00:24:30,036 --> 00:24:34,505
I must be their front-runner. I
already did the job for three years.

595
00:24:34,507 --> 00:24:36,774
- Amy.
- I got to go.
596
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,776
Ben's not going.
It's Dan.

597
00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,612
Mike's about to saw off
the healthy leg.

598
00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:42,913
Oh, fuck!

599
00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:45,483
You can be sure that the
president is taking steps

600
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:48,719
to ensure that appropriate
action will be taken.

601
00:24:48,721 --> 00:24:52,923
"Little pig, little pig,
let me in."

602
00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:53,824
"No, no.

603
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:57,828
Not by the hair
on my chinny chin chin."

604
00:24:57,830 --> 00:25:00,998
All right, how about Deputy
Assistant to the President?

605
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,600
( chuckles )
That's funny.

606
00:25:02,602 --> 00:25:05,736
Ben, Mike's about
to announce we're firing you.

607
00:25:05,738 --> 00:25:07,171
No, that's funny.

608
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:10,207
So he huffed and he puffed
and he blew his house in.

609
00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:13,611
Now it's the president's turn
to tell the story, please.

610
00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:17,515
- Child:<i> You're the president?</i>
- Yeah, I'm the president.

611
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:18,816
Wow.

612
00:25:18,818 --> 00:25:21,719
The Graham family
have requested privacy

613
00:25:21,721 --> 00:25:23,988
and that we allow them
to live a normal life.

614
00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:27,057
Here's the new statement.
Get that to Mike.

615
00:25:27,059 --> 00:25:29,159
I can't run in these heels.

616
00:25:29,161 --> 00:25:32,663
Christian, get that to Mike now!

617
00:25:32,665 --> 00:25:37,101
The person with ultimate
responsibility is...

618
00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:41,305
is Dan Egan, Chief Counsel
to the President?

619
00:25:41,307 --> 00:25:45,042
Come over here, young man. It looks
like you don't feel very good.

620
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:48,112
- Is that your son?
- He's gifted.
621
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:50,981
There we go.
Uh-oh.

622
00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:52,249
Oh.

623
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,218
- He did have a big breakfast.
- Okay.

624
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:57,154
Do you like the story
that I'm reading?

625
00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:58,923
You do?

626
00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:01,859
Child ♪2:
<i>Ew, you guys...</i>

627
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:03,827
( knocks )
Hey, man.

628
00:26:03,829 --> 00:26:06,564
Yeah, well, you know, enjoy it.

629
00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:07,998
I'm not here to gloat.
I've been through this.

630
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,868
Just tell me which way the
vultures are circling, okay?

631
00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:12,937
There's a big media presence
by the northwest gate.

632
00:26:12,939 --> 00:26:14,004
You want me to grab one?

633
00:26:14,006 --> 00:26:15,606
I'm going out a different door.

634
00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:17,575
Taken enough fucking
heat for one day.

635
00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:20,811
That photo of you with
the kids will play great.

636
00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,313
- Oh, it was so good.
- Yeah.

637
00:26:22,315 --> 00:26:24,882
It was like earth mother
meets foster parent

638
00:26:24,884 --> 00:26:26,350
with a hint of girl next door.

639
00:26:26,352 --> 00:26:29,219
- I need a scotch.
- Yes.

640
00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:33,857
There you go.
Stay strong, buddy.

641
00:26:33,859 --> 00:26:36,093
- Thanks.
- Hey, let me get this for you.

642
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:40,030
- ( reporters clamoring ) - Oh,
God, I meant southeast gate.

643
00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:44,802
- Mr. Egan, do you feel ashamed
of your actions? - Excuse me.

644
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:47,104
( chuckles )

645
00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:50,007
I thought...
When we discussed,
646
00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,743
I thought that it was Ben
who would be going.

647
00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:56,280
Oh, right. Yeah, actually,
Bill suggested Dan.

648
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,682
- Ah.
- <i>He thought it would be a good idea</i>

649
00:26:58,684 --> 00:27:02,386
to keep Ben to take the heat in case
the other data shit hits the fan.

650
00:27:02,388 --> 00:27:03,787
- Good thought, right?
- Yeah.

651
00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:07,625
- Just doing my job.
- Me, too.

652
00:27:07,627 --> 00:27:08,892
Stevie, it's Dan Egan.

653
00:27:08,894 --> 00:27:13,964
So, um... so it looks like
I am a free agent again.

654
00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:15,065
Yeah, so give me a call.

655
00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:18,702
It's the same number
as the last two messages.

656
00:27:18,704 --> 00:27:20,337
Hey, Jen, it's Dan.

657
00:27:20,339 --> 00:27:22,840
Either your phone
is dead or I am.

658
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:26,343
So obviously I hope
it's the first one.

659
00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:28,746
Josh Stansfield.
( laughs )

660
00:27:28,748 --> 00:27:30,981
How are you?
It's Dan Egan.

661
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:34,251
So, look, I...
And you've gone.

662
00:27:34,253 --> 00:27:35,386
( groans )

663
00:27:35,388 --> 00:27:37,388
( honks horn )